(Untitled)

[smokexscribbles]

You see me in a police car. What would you think I got arrested for? Answer me, then repost this.

Uh while I'm here, fanfic I wrote a while ago for iambickilometer. Rated PG I guess. Real short. Check out more Evan and Julian stuff at Iambic's journal!

Comments

[smokexscribbles]

(1) obscene filth is the point

(2) I actually think you'd be in trouble for providing pornongraphy to a minor

lol

[smokexscribbles]

if you use filters I might actually cry

[ari_raid]

SO MANY. Public indecency, sassing off to an officer, starting a barfight, wielding a sword in a public place, being a disturbance to the peace, attempting to incite a riot, those are probably the first charges.

On the other hand, cuteness <3~. I love the description in this, and the worry even in a short piece. Still, I feel really obtuse... I didn't really catch (if it was there to catch) who the man was, and for all the tense build-up not discovering was a bit anti-climactic. That's really the thing I would change; perhaps that could be fixed in a different way by extending the intro. Say, if you build up the tension more, make the time seem to stretch out longer, it seems to me the reader wouldn't care as much about the person so much as fixing Julian.

Julian body-checking someone is a hilarious, if fitting, image. I loled. He's awesome. Seriously, that dialogue was excellent as well, and the word choice through the whole thing.

[smokexscribbles]

Those all make me feel so accomplished, not gonna lie. Although all sassing off to an officer would get me is LAID. loljk

I wrote this as commentfic, so it does need work. Thanks! I suppose the man isn't really anyone specific, he's just a shadowy figure trying to achieve immortality. Do I need to explain who he is better, tie him in to make him more of a prominent figure (a la those sinister plots), or just explain what he did better?

[ari_raid]

I know. You haven't lived if you haven't wielded a sword in a public place and started a bar fight.

Just like... he feels flat. Like a plot device. So, how I see it, either you need to justify having a plot device by building towards it in a mounting, tension-filled, tone-developed way, or you need to not have a 2-d plot device. He doesn't need to be anyone special- he's more interesting, perhaps, as an average occultist who's gotten a lucky streak or bright idea- but he needs to come off the page. It's hard to do right there, I suppose, because Julian's busy being badass and you don't want to disrupt that, but if you can allude to him more substantially earlier in some way, that would help. Or even if he got a more interesting description than "in black & missing pinky finger."

[smokexscribbles]

Absofuckinglutely. We need to get you in a bar fight. Unless you did that in Germany? If so, celebrating is in order.

Okay, I have to agree with you there. Do you think I can accomplish it through more dialouge, or through him dropping off more parts, with Julian unaware that he's the one messing with Evan's head? oh that would work really well actually

[ldydragon7]

They finally found the bodies.

I really enjoyed the fic.
And then, because Julian is a magician, when all's said and done, he makes a knife appear in his hand, hey-presto, closes the front door, and body-checks the customer into Evan's front hall closet.

This line = WIN. I def. need to check out more Evan and Julian stuff at Iambic's because I love them already.

The details of the watch were wonderfully creepy.

[smokexscribbles]

Darling, I don't bury anyone, I dissolve them in the bathtub.

:D thank you! I am actually REALLY fond of that part because I think it's where Julian comes through.

[ldydragon7]

Your welcome! Its a great line and that end scene makes me really like Julian. (And yes gives me a great sense of his character)

[smokexscribbles]

Iambic's working on a piece for them that I requested. You might have some trouble finding more of them DAMN HIS TAGS! but they ARE there, lol. And worth it!

[ldydragon7]

SWEET! I KNOW! I shall have to venture forth then. :)

[iambickilometer]

YAYAYAYAYAY

god damn it I need to TREK. but Evan and Julian! BUT TREK

D8

I remain as much in love with it as I was. BUT I LOVE ARI'S SUGGESTION

[smokexscribbles]

Yay! I am inclined to agree with Ari. also now I need to retool my other fic for you because the villain is pretty undefined. I like how I was just talking about how I need to work on my villains.

You better repost the arrested thing so I can spam you with increasingly creative answers.