I'll Put Away My Pride
Title: I'll Put Away My Pride
Chapter: 1/1
Pairing: Finn/Rachel
Summary: Post-Audition. Apologize. That's what he's going to do.
Word Count: 2,862
Disclaimer: Don't own.
She likes the way Finn holds her hand, which is a good thing because he does it a lot. The first time, she was surprised (Jesse never liked to hold hands, really) and jumped a little, and Finn pulled his hand away and stuttered his way through an adorable sentence about how he didn't really know how to do things with her because they'd never really done things before, he just really wanted to hold her hand. She made it abundantly clear that hand holding was not only welcomed, but encouraged.
He does well with direction.
So she hates that she has to pull away from him after they have their little moment in the hallway. She hates it a little more that he doesn't believe what she's saying, that no one believes what she's saying.
She's dug her own grave, though. A full year of being selfish and thinking almost exclusively about herself has given them all reason to think she doesn't have their best interests at heart.
It'd be nice if someone was on her side.
... ... ...
Rachel's, like, really dramatic.
She was in this play in the summer, and he had to run lines with her, and she was, like, all animated and stuff and told him he wasn't getting into the part enough. By the end of it, he knew all the lines and the stage direction and whatever. He kind of forgot them when he went to see the show, because he was totally just watching her, but he thinks that's okay, because she was wearing this little nightgown thing on stage and it's not like he needs to know that play anyway.
So yeah, she's dramatic. She knows how to get her way (with him, she usually just has to ask, unless she wants something really super crazy, which happens way less than you'd think). She's kind of scary sometimes, too, but in a good way. Like, she's just really driven and intense and she goes after everything with more determination than he does basically anything.
He wanted to spend all summer messing around and not going to school and not thinking about school and hanging out with his new girlfriend who was finally his girlfriend. Rachel bought new sheet music every Friday, new albums every Tuesday, and made playlists on his iTunes of songs she said he needed to learn. He was kinda like, "whatever," until she came over and basically got all mad and annoyed and hot (it's true...she's just sexy) when he didn't know the lyrics to that one Hootie And The Blowfish song she put on there. And isn't that Hootie dude singing country songs now? He doesn't even really like country music. He's all about expanding his musical range or whatever Rachel says, so he listened to some of the stuff. When he was singing that kick ass Aerosmith song, Angel, one day when she came over, she basically climbed on top of him and they had the hottest makeout session of all time.
This summer was good.
She's intense and kind of crazy sometimes, but this was too far, and he thinks she knows it, too. That new girl who comes up to, like, his waist could have really gotten hurt, and it would have been on Rachel. Not only is that just really not cool, but he knows she would have basically freaked out and felt totally awful if something had happened. Thank god it didn't.
She's been really awesome this week, talking to him in that calming voice she has just for him when he tells her about the football team and how he's not on it. And she only laughs a little bit when he tells her about his Cheerios audition. He doesn't get what's funny, but whatever. It's not just a popularity thing, he really loves football, and despite the fact that their team blows, he's good at it. He thinks he needs it.
Then Rachel says something about him breaking up with her, and this is one of those times he really wishes he could get into her head, because how she thinks up these things is totally confusing. Why would he break up with her? He's like, in love with her. She knows that.
Besides, he's the glee loser with two left feet and no future in football, apparently.
Then she tells him she'll never break up with him, and he kisses her after he says it back because seriously, this girl...
He really doesn't get why she still looks all sad, and then she pulls her hand away from his and he knows something's wrong, because she really loves it when he holds her hand.
He knows her. He knows her better than he knows anything, and when he looks at her he can see that she's about two minutes away from crying. Knowing her, she's going to the auditorium so she can be alone and sing and cry at the same time to get all three things out of the way, then act like she's fine. She does that sometimes.
He really should go to the choir room, because if they're both not there people will think they're making out, which he wouldn't care about if it was true. But then Rachel's got this whole 'no making out at school' thing, so that's not even happening.
Now he's thinking about making out with her and he forgot why he wasn't going to follow her, but it doesn't matter 'cause that's what he's doing anyway.
He really likes that dress. And the way she's wearing her hair. And those socks.
She's so pretty.
And then she starts singing, and her voice is...it's like...awesome. That's not even the right word, but he can't think of a better one right now when she's under spotlights and singing.
When she starts crying, it's really hard not to go up there and just hug her, because seriously, her crying totally breaks his heart, even if she's a really pretty crier and stuff. It just sucks, because he knows he's made her cry before and he just feels like he's got to make up for that somehow. Stopping the other tears is how he's doing it. Not that he wouldn't probably do it anyway, but it's just, like, nice to be the one who gets to comfort her and be the really strong one when usually she's trying to make everything better for him. She's pretty selfless that way.
Which...
Dammit.
This song and the tears and the way she was so insistent earlier...
He's an asshole. Seriously. He's the worst boyfriend ever and she should break up with him.
Not that he wants her to.
But really, she told him she was just worried about the group, that she loves everyone and wanted things to stay the same, and he told her she was only thinking of herself, and he was wrong.
He's going to make sure she knows he knows. Or whatever.
Apologize. That's what he's going to do.
... ... ...
She takes a deep breath and walks through the door to the choir room.
No one looks at her but Finn.
It shouldn't surprise her anymore. She could have just not shown up at all and he would have been the only one to call her. And that's fine, because she loves him and he's enough, but these people don't seem to understand that she loves them, too, even if they can't stand her.
(And don't think she didn't hear Noah tell her to shut up yesterday in the auditorium. She's not pleased.)
She walks over and sits next to Finn, and he immediately puts his arm around the back of her chair, his hand grazing her back. She smiles and he leans over to kiss her temple. She likes it when he does that. It's hard right now to smile about anything, even the fact that she's got a boyfriend who loves her.
"You okay?" he asks quietly as everyone talks around them.
She nods, smiles at him (she can tell from the look on his face that he knows it's a fake one) and puts her hand on his leg just above his knee. "I'm fine," she says.
He opens his mouth to say something, but Mr. Schue comes into the room and Finn doesn't get to point out that her eyes are red and her cheeks are pink and she's definitely been crying.
Mr. Schue wants to continue exploring Alicia Keys' repertoire, which Rachel thinks isn't exactly a terrible idea, but she knows he's going to call upon Mercedes to sing lead before he even opens his mouth to say it.
Finn runs his thumb over her shoulder blade lightly as Mercedes walks to the head of the room and starts singing If I Ain't Got You.
She loves this song. Finn knows she loves this song. She put it on one of the lists she gave him (both the solo version and the duet with Usher). She sang it for him one night when they were in his bedroom. He sat on his bed and watched her as she stood at the foot of it and sang the song better than...
Well, to be honest, better than Mercedes can.
But Mercedes sings it well and she looks happy doing it, and everyone loves it, so Rachel smiles and claps and she knows everyone'll think it's all fake, even though it's not, so she wonders why she even bothers.
... ... ...
He drives her home after school, which is cool because she always looks really cute in the passenger seat with her knees pressed together and sometimes her hand over his. You know, when he doesn't need it to make sure they don't, like, hit stuff or whatever. That'd be bad.
But she's really quiet and he knows why, he just doesn't know how to bring it up. If he tells her he's sorry right away, she's going to ask him what he's apologizing for and it'll be a whole big thing and he's not really good with words. If he tells her he knows she cares about everyone, she'll be mad that he didn't realize it sooner or something.
"I was a jerk before," he tells her as they pull onto her street.
"What? When?" She's actually confused about it. The fact that she doesn't even know what he's talking about is kind of awesome, but really sucky, too.
"Before," he repeats. "I know you really love glee club."
"Of course I do. We all do."
"No." He pulls into her driveway and cuts the engine. The music of his she hates stops playing and he knows that's probably good. "You, like, really love it. More than everyone. And if you do something that has to do with the club, you're probably not just doing it for yourself." She doesn't say anything, but she looks to her lap and he knows he's right and she just doesn't want to make a big thing of it. "So I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize," she says quietly, shrugging one shoulder. "I know I'm selfish. I know that everyone thinks that because I gave them reason to."
"Not me," he insists. "And I don't...I hate it when you cry."
"I wasn't crying." She looks up at him and he thinks it's cute how she really believes she can lie to him about that. He just grins and raises his brow.
"I should have believed you," he tells her.
She shakes her head. "I wouldn't have."
"Stop that," he says, and he's serious. She looks surprised that he'd say it like that, so firmly. "Don't make excuses for everyone. Or me."
She laughs a little. He's so cute sometimes when he says things like that. She's not about to correct him right now and tell him that 'everyone' is all-encompassing and he doesn't need to specify that he's including himself in it. It's really not the time to be thinking about it.
"I just want everyone to be happy," she says instead. "I know we need a twelfth member, but she wasn't right for us. If everyone thinks I did that just for me, then that's fine. I'll take one for the team."
"But don't you care what they think?" He can't believe her sometimes. She's, like, a million times too amazing for any of them. Maybe him, too, but he's not going to tell her that or anything.
She shrugs. "If I cared what they think any more than I do, I'd..."
She wouldn't get out of bed in the morning, because apparently everyone still hates her, even though she's wearing better clothes and talking a little less and dating Finn Hudson.
"That's not fair," he says. She smiles and leans across the console, kisses him quickly. "I just want things to be better for you, I guess."
Her smile gets a little bigger. He says things like that and she's reminded that he has these feelings for her and...Sometimes she still can't believe they're really together.
"They are better," she insists. Her hand finds his and she runs her thumb gently over the tips of his fingers. "They're better than last year."
He grins (she thinks it's really sexy, and he blushed the one time she told him that) and weaves their fingers together. "Because of us?"
She can't stop the giggle that bubbles up from her tummy. Nodding, she answers, "yes, because of us. Largely because of us."
He kisses her this time, and when he tries to pull away, she puts her hand on his chest. He's kissed her enough to know that means she doesn't want him to stop. Which is cool, because he doesn't want to stop.
"Stay for dinner?" she asks, wetting her lips with her tongue.
He's distracted right now, but he nods. When she tugs her hand away so she can open the door, he grabs his keys, gets out and takes her bag from her when he's beside her. She smiles up at him and pushes the door to her house open. Her dads are inside and they all talk for a few minutes before Rachel takes Finn's hand and leads him upstairs to her room. She says something about homework, but it's the first week of school and there's practically none, so he's pretty sure 'homework' means 'making out' in this case. Which is really good, because he's missed her all day, even though they talked a little.
"Hey," he says, tugging at her wrist as he sits down on her bed. She lands on his thigh, her legs between his and her body angled towards him. He puts his hand on her leg over the fabric of her dress. "Wanna, like, figure out how to get everyone to realize how great you are?"
She giggles again, presses her forehead against his temple. "Finn."
"What?" he laughs. "We can make a chart or something. You love charts."
"I do love charts," she agrees. Her lips brush against his cheek and she toys with the hair at the back of his neck as she sits there on his leg. Yeah, this is a way better after school activity than homework. "I love you, too."
"More than charts?" She laughs again (he loves making her laugh) and nods. "Thank god," he sighs. "I'd be really freaked out if you loved charts more."
She pushes herself closer and he kisses her, slides his hand up to her waist while the other toys with the zipper of her dress at her back. He's obviously not going to take it off (her dads are home, and he and Rachel don't really do stuff like that anyway), but it's nice to know where it is. You know, for the future or whatever.
"I don't love anything more," she whispers.
He opens his eyes and smiles and kisses her and moves them so they're laying on her bed facing one another. "Me, neither," he says as they tangle their legs together.
Chapter: 1/1
Pairing: Finn/Rachel
Summary: Post-Audition. Apologize. That's what he's going to do.
Word Count: 2,862
Disclaimer: Don't own.
She likes the way Finn holds her hand, which is a good thing because he does it a lot. The first time, she was surprised (Jesse never liked to hold hands, really) and jumped a little, and Finn pulled his hand away and stuttered his way through an adorable sentence about how he didn't really know how to do things with her because they'd never really done things before, he just really wanted to hold her hand. She made it abundantly clear that hand holding was not only welcomed, but encouraged.
He does well with direction.
So she hates that she has to pull away from him after they have their little moment in the hallway. She hates it a little more that he doesn't believe what she's saying, that no one believes what she's saying.
She's dug her own grave, though. A full year of being selfish and thinking almost exclusively about herself has given them all reason to think she doesn't have their best interests at heart.
It'd be nice if someone was on her side.
... ... ...
Rachel's, like, really dramatic.
She was in this play in the summer, and he had to run lines with her, and she was, like, all animated and stuff and told him he wasn't getting into the part enough. By the end of it, he knew all the lines and the stage direction and whatever. He kind of forgot them when he went to see the show, because he was totally just watching her, but he thinks that's okay, because she was wearing this little nightgown thing on stage and it's not like he needs to know that play anyway.
So yeah, she's dramatic. She knows how to get her way (with him, she usually just has to ask, unless she wants something really super crazy, which happens way less than you'd think). She's kind of scary sometimes, too, but in a good way. Like, she's just really driven and intense and she goes after everything with more determination than he does basically anything.
He wanted to spend all summer messing around and not going to school and not thinking about school and hanging out with his new girlfriend who was finally his girlfriend. Rachel bought new sheet music every Friday, new albums every Tuesday, and made playlists on his iTunes of songs she said he needed to learn. He was kinda like, "whatever," until she came over and basically got all mad and annoyed and hot (it's true...she's just sexy) when he didn't know the lyrics to that one Hootie And The Blowfish song she put on there. And isn't that Hootie dude singing country songs now? He doesn't even really like country music. He's all about expanding his musical range or whatever Rachel says, so he listened to some of the stuff. When he was singing that kick ass Aerosmith song, Angel, one day when she came over, she basically climbed on top of him and they had the hottest makeout session of all time.
This summer was good.
She's intense and kind of crazy sometimes, but this was too far, and he thinks she knows it, too. That new girl who comes up to, like, his waist could have really gotten hurt, and it would have been on Rachel. Not only is that just really not cool, but he knows she would have basically freaked out and felt totally awful if something had happened. Thank god it didn't.
She's been really awesome this week, talking to him in that calming voice she has just for him when he tells her about the football team and how he's not on it. And she only laughs a little bit when he tells her about his Cheerios audition. He doesn't get what's funny, but whatever. It's not just a popularity thing, he really loves football, and despite the fact that their team blows, he's good at it. He thinks he needs it.
Then Rachel says something about him breaking up with her, and this is one of those times he really wishes he could get into her head, because how she thinks up these things is totally confusing. Why would he break up with her? He's like, in love with her. She knows that.
Besides, he's the glee loser with two left feet and no future in football, apparently.
Then she tells him she'll never break up with him, and he kisses her after he says it back because seriously, this girl...
He really doesn't get why she still looks all sad, and then she pulls her hand away from his and he knows something's wrong, because she really loves it when he holds her hand.
He knows her. He knows her better than he knows anything, and when he looks at her he can see that she's about two minutes away from crying. Knowing her, she's going to the auditorium so she can be alone and sing and cry at the same time to get all three things out of the way, then act like she's fine. She does that sometimes.
He really should go to the choir room, because if they're both not there people will think they're making out, which he wouldn't care about if it was true. But then Rachel's got this whole 'no making out at school' thing, so that's not even happening.
Now he's thinking about making out with her and he forgot why he wasn't going to follow her, but it doesn't matter 'cause that's what he's doing anyway.
He really likes that dress. And the way she's wearing her hair. And those socks.
She's so pretty.
And then she starts singing, and her voice is...it's like...awesome. That's not even the right word, but he can't think of a better one right now when she's under spotlights and singing.
When she starts crying, it's really hard not to go up there and just hug her, because seriously, her crying totally breaks his heart, even if she's a really pretty crier and stuff. It just sucks, because he knows he's made her cry before and he just feels like he's got to make up for that somehow. Stopping the other tears is how he's doing it. Not that he wouldn't probably do it anyway, but it's just, like, nice to be the one who gets to comfort her and be the really strong one when usually she's trying to make everything better for him. She's pretty selfless that way.
Which...
Dammit.
This song and the tears and the way she was so insistent earlier...
He's an asshole. Seriously. He's the worst boyfriend ever and she should break up with him.
Not that he wants her to.
But really, she told him she was just worried about the group, that she loves everyone and wanted things to stay the same, and he told her she was only thinking of herself, and he was wrong.
He's going to make sure she knows he knows. Or whatever.
Apologize. That's what he's going to do.
... ... ...
She takes a deep breath and walks through the door to the choir room.
No one looks at her but Finn.
It shouldn't surprise her anymore. She could have just not shown up at all and he would have been the only one to call her. And that's fine, because she loves him and he's enough, but these people don't seem to understand that she loves them, too, even if they can't stand her.
(And don't think she didn't hear Noah tell her to shut up yesterday in the auditorium. She's not pleased.)
She walks over and sits next to Finn, and he immediately puts his arm around the back of her chair, his hand grazing her back. She smiles and he leans over to kiss her temple. She likes it when he does that. It's hard right now to smile about anything, even the fact that she's got a boyfriend who loves her.
"You okay?" he asks quietly as everyone talks around them.
She nods, smiles at him (she can tell from the look on his face that he knows it's a fake one) and puts her hand on his leg just above his knee. "I'm fine," she says.
He opens his mouth to say something, but Mr. Schue comes into the room and Finn doesn't get to point out that her eyes are red and her cheeks are pink and she's definitely been crying.
Mr. Schue wants to continue exploring Alicia Keys' repertoire, which Rachel thinks isn't exactly a terrible idea, but she knows he's going to call upon Mercedes to sing lead before he even opens his mouth to say it.
Finn runs his thumb over her shoulder blade lightly as Mercedes walks to the head of the room and starts singing If I Ain't Got You.
She loves this song. Finn knows she loves this song. She put it on one of the lists she gave him (both the solo version and the duet with Usher). She sang it for him one night when they were in his bedroom. He sat on his bed and watched her as she stood at the foot of it and sang the song better than...
Well, to be honest, better than Mercedes can.
But Mercedes sings it well and she looks happy doing it, and everyone loves it, so Rachel smiles and claps and she knows everyone'll think it's all fake, even though it's not, so she wonders why she even bothers.
... ... ...
He drives her home after school, which is cool because she always looks really cute in the passenger seat with her knees pressed together and sometimes her hand over his. You know, when he doesn't need it to make sure they don't, like, hit stuff or whatever. That'd be bad.
But she's really quiet and he knows why, he just doesn't know how to bring it up. If he tells her he's sorry right away, she's going to ask him what he's apologizing for and it'll be a whole big thing and he's not really good with words. If he tells her he knows she cares about everyone, she'll be mad that he didn't realize it sooner or something.
"I was a jerk before," he tells her as they pull onto her street.
"What? When?" She's actually confused about it. The fact that she doesn't even know what he's talking about is kind of awesome, but really sucky, too.
"Before," he repeats. "I know you really love glee club."
"Of course I do. We all do."
"No." He pulls into her driveway and cuts the engine. The music of his she hates stops playing and he knows that's probably good. "You, like, really love it. More than everyone. And if you do something that has to do with the club, you're probably not just doing it for yourself." She doesn't say anything, but she looks to her lap and he knows he's right and she just doesn't want to make a big thing of it. "So I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize," she says quietly, shrugging one shoulder. "I know I'm selfish. I know that everyone thinks that because I gave them reason to."
"Not me," he insists. "And I don't...I hate it when you cry."
"I wasn't crying." She looks up at him and he thinks it's cute how she really believes she can lie to him about that. He just grins and raises his brow.
"I should have believed you," he tells her.
She shakes her head. "I wouldn't have."
"Stop that," he says, and he's serious. She looks surprised that he'd say it like that, so firmly. "Don't make excuses for everyone. Or me."
She laughs a little. He's so cute sometimes when he says things like that. She's not about to correct him right now and tell him that 'everyone' is all-encompassing and he doesn't need to specify that he's including himself in it. It's really not the time to be thinking about it.
"I just want everyone to be happy," she says instead. "I know we need a twelfth member, but she wasn't right for us. If everyone thinks I did that just for me, then that's fine. I'll take one for the team."
"But don't you care what they think?" He can't believe her sometimes. She's, like, a million times too amazing for any of them. Maybe him, too, but he's not going to tell her that or anything.
She shrugs. "If I cared what they think any more than I do, I'd..."
She wouldn't get out of bed in the morning, because apparently everyone still hates her, even though she's wearing better clothes and talking a little less and dating Finn Hudson.
"That's not fair," he says. She smiles and leans across the console, kisses him quickly. "I just want things to be better for you, I guess."
Her smile gets a little bigger. He says things like that and she's reminded that he has these feelings for her and...Sometimes she still can't believe they're really together.
"They are better," she insists. Her hand finds his and she runs her thumb gently over the tips of his fingers. "They're better than last year."
He grins (she thinks it's really sexy, and he blushed the one time she told him that) and weaves their fingers together. "Because of us?"
She can't stop the giggle that bubbles up from her tummy. Nodding, she answers, "yes, because of us. Largely because of us."
He kisses her this time, and when he tries to pull away, she puts her hand on his chest. He's kissed her enough to know that means she doesn't want him to stop. Which is cool, because he doesn't want to stop.
"Stay for dinner?" she asks, wetting her lips with her tongue.
He's distracted right now, but he nods. When she tugs her hand away so she can open the door, he grabs his keys, gets out and takes her bag from her when he's beside her. She smiles up at him and pushes the door to her house open. Her dads are inside and they all talk for a few minutes before Rachel takes Finn's hand and leads him upstairs to her room. She says something about homework, but it's the first week of school and there's practically none, so he's pretty sure 'homework' means 'making out' in this case. Which is really good, because he's missed her all day, even though they talked a little.
"Hey," he says, tugging at her wrist as he sits down on her bed. She lands on his thigh, her legs between his and her body angled towards him. He puts his hand on her leg over the fabric of her dress. "Wanna, like, figure out how to get everyone to realize how great you are?"
She giggles again, presses her forehead against his temple. "Finn."
"What?" he laughs. "We can make a chart or something. You love charts."
"I do love charts," she agrees. Her lips brush against his cheek and she toys with the hair at the back of his neck as she sits there on his leg. Yeah, this is a way better after school activity than homework. "I love you, too."
"More than charts?" She laughs again (he loves making her laugh) and nods. "Thank god," he sighs. "I'd be really freaked out if you loved charts more."
She pushes herself closer and he kisses her, slides his hand up to her waist while the other toys with the zipper of her dress at her back. He's obviously not going to take it off (her dads are home, and he and Rachel don't really do stuff like that anyway), but it's nice to know where it is. You know, for the future or whatever.
"I don't love anything more," she whispers.
He opens his eyes and smiles and kisses her and moves them so they're laying on her bed facing one another. "Me, neither," he says as they tangle their legs together.