Feck it in the Oven Kitches, Episode (5i)^-3
Orange Whole-wheaten Pancakes with Cranberries
Originally uploaded by Ragnvaeig.
Hello, and welcome once again to Feck It in the Oven Kitchens! If memory serves me, yesterday was Vali's Blót. But that has nothing to do with this. Yesterday was also Valentine's Day. That has slightly more to do with things. Today is also Lupercalia. That will be crucial later. No, really. I swear. Don't believe me? Read on!
OK, so, back to the recipe. Today's product is "Orange Whole Wheat Pancakes", with cranberries. For the recipe, you will need:
- 3 egg whites (Metric: 3000 milliwhites)
- 1 cup orange juice (235ml)
- 1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce (80ml)
- 1/4 teaspoon orange extract (1ml)
- 1 1/4 cups whole wheat flour (150g)
- 2 tablespoons sugar (25g)
- 2 teaspoons baking powder (9g)
- 1/2 teaspoon salt (3g)
- 1/2 cup orange marmalade (160g)
- 1 Handful dried cranberries (10 decihands-ful), optional
- 2 male goats, optional
- 1 dog, optional
Step 1: Optional: Decide that, in the spirit of Valentine's Day, you should make your sweetie breakfast. Further decide that, since you love her every day of the year, it's not crucial to make it on Valentine's day.
Step 2: Optional: Oversleep. Get told by said sweetie that she's about to make breakfast for herself. Freak out. Jump up half awake and say you're gonna go take care of that.
Step 3: Optional: Forget step 3. See step 8.4 for clarification.
Step 4: Collect your ingredients.
Step 4.1: Optional: Realize you don't have unsweetened applesauce. Replace with apple butter, which is like unsweetened applesauce, in that it is a sauce, and involves apples.
Step 4.2: Optional: Realize you don't have orange extract. Replace with lemon extract because, hell, you're already using apple butter, why not?
Step 4.3: Optional: Realize you only have two eggs, but that's ok, because the recipe makes sixteen pancakes and you're serving two people.
Step 4.4: No longer optional: Adjust ingredient measurements somewhat appropriately.
Step 5: Pour first 4 ingredients (that is, egg whites, orange juice, applesauce, orange extract) in a blender, blend smooth.
Step 5.1: Optional: Rejoice in triumph at separating eggs for the first time ever in all your life. Victory lap called off on account of bare feet and snow.
Step 6: Combine dry ingredients (whole wheat flour, sugar, baking powder, salt) in a bowl, and make a well. Pour in orange juice concoction. Mix until... well... mixed.
Step 6.1: Optional: Now is also as good a time as any to fold the cranberries into your batter, if you're taking that route. Since this whole feat of culinary engineering was designed around my desire to put cranberries in pancakes, you bet your ass I put in the damn cranberries.
Step 7: Place a plate in oven, set latter to "warm". (You were wondering where today's "feck it in the oven" would come in, weren't you?)
Step 8: Heat skillet.
Step 8.1: Optional: No, I mean, heat it a lot. Like, over high flames, cuz you don't know what you're doing.
Step 8.2: Supplemental: With Alton Brown's voice in your head going on about the wonders of soy lecithin, spray on some Pam nonstick cookin- OH-DEAR-GODS-ABOVE WHERE-DID-ALL-THAT-SMOKE-COME-FROM HOLY-FUCK!
Step 8.3: No longer optional: Turn on kitchen fan to disperse smoke. Turn down heat under skillet. Cough. Hope sweetie upstairs can't smell your rampant failure already.
Step 8.4: See Step 3. Realize it is Lupercalia, and you have forgotten to ritually sacrifice the optional two goats and a dog to ward off evil spirits. Stop blaming yourself for your failure, pawn it off on pagan superstition. Get on with life.
Step 9: Grease/oil properly heated skillet.
Step 10: Pour on a large dollop of viscous batter - force to spread slightly with your mixing spoon.
Step 10.1: Optional: Get distracted by something trivial.
Step 10.2: Supplemental: Realize your pancake is burning, hurry over, flip forcefully, spreading twice the other side's original surface area over skillet. Decide that one's yours. Remember to make sure your shame is hidden at the bottom of the pile.
Step 10.3: No longer optional: Realize your heat is still too high. Lower heat. Re-oil pan.
Step 11: Place completed pancake on plate in oven to keep warm.
Step 12: Pour out rather smaller amount of batter, spread far more evenly and widely with mixing spoon.
Step 13: Avoid getting distracted. Cook until bubbles begin to form, turn, cook until other side is guesstimated golden brown.
Step 14: Place only slightly burned pancake on top of stack in oven to keep warm.
Step 14.1: Optional: Swear to yourself to produce at least two or three unburnt pancakes to serve to loved one who inspired you in the first place.
Step 15: Repeat steps 11-14(.1) as necessary and refine process until batter is used up.
Step 15.1: Optional: Make your way upstairs through the smoke that has begun spreading throughout the house to announce completion of breakfast.
Step 15.2: Supplemental: Try not to look too embarrassed as you realize your girlfriend has been breathing the scent of your early stupidity for quite a while now.
Step 15.3: Sentimental: Be heartily touched that said girlfriend loves you enough to realize coming down to see what the hell you were up to would be embarrassing and take it on faith that you weren't destroying the kitchen.
Step 16: Serve unburnt pancakes with marmalade.
Step 16.1: Optional: Realize the only orange marmalade in the house is an iffy sugar-free sort, and replace with apple butter and pumpkin butter, which is more delicious anyway.
Step 17: Enjoy breakfast (and girlfriend's shocked realization that you actually cooked a tasty, frou-frou breakfast, from scratch, involving a stretch of your culinary skills, and substitutions and flavor combinations).