Up On The Roof
Fic Title: Up On The Roof
Author: smalltrolven
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester
Word Count: 4,900
Synopsis: Set right after 7.13 “Slice Girls”, Sam’s beyond angry at Dean telling him to “shut up about it” and takes a course of action that he’s planned for years hoping it will fix his brother once and for all.
Author Disclaimer: I own nothing but these little ol’ words.
Read here on AO3
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
At night the stars put on a show for free
And, darling, you can share it all with me
Everything is all right (up on the roof)
~ Up On The Roof - The Drifters
The longer Sam drives after Dean’s told him to shut up, the angrier he gets. The angrier he gets, the faster he drives the Riviera, pushing it, enjoying the engine’s roar, so unfamiliar, but it’s still better than that teeny car they’d had back in Canton.
He’ll do what he can, what the hell does that even mean? He can’t even tell if Dean heard him or not and he’s mad really mad now, because Dean could have died tonight. He was so irresponsible, and all of this Amazon craziness came down around them because of it.
Going over it again and again in his mind, the cocky bravado of all those phone calls to Lydia, calling her his workout partner, and the bullshit of “I’ll mingle with the natives” spinning around and around until he just can’t stand it anymore. He’s driving way too fast so he knows he either has to calm down or he has to pull over and say something. He can’t hold it in any longer and he can’t do this while he’s driving. Seeing red when you’re really angry turns out to be true. He yanks the wheel when a pullout comes up and slides to a stop behind some trees in a cloud of road dirt showering down onto the trunk and windshield. Dean wakes up suddenly. Much faster than he’d thought possible since Dean had emptied Bobby’s flask just a half hour ago.
“What the hell Sam, what’s goin’ on?” Dean’s instantly awake when the car jerks to a stop, checking for danger, seeing where Sam is, snapping right back into that instant life-long protective alert status.
“You, me, this car which isn’t even ours, that’s all we’ve got left. And god damnit, I’m not gonna lose you to some stupid STD or psycho barfly monster, I’m just not. Not after everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve fucking survived!” Sam explodes, gesturing dramatically.
Dean raises his hands in the universal calming gesture, wondering what the hell brought all this on, and says as soothingly as he can, “All right, all right, calm down.”
“Don’t you tell me to calm down, you told me to shut up about it! And I tried, but I can’t! Just, you’ve gotta let me say this, then I swear I’ll shut up.”
Another one of these bitchfests, oh joy, Dean resigns himself to just getting through it, “Whatever, go ahead, I’ll listen if it means I can go back to sleep.”
Seeing a deeper shade of red, Sam yells “Oh you’re going to listen alright” and crashes out of the car and stalks around to the passenger door and pulls Dean out by the arms, and shoves him up against the back door, pinning him with his hands on his shoulders. Sam takes a deep breath and looks Dean right in the eyes. Dean’s eyes widen as he realizes how angry Sam really is and swallows, his brother is actually a little scary like this, he’s not used to having Sam’s fury directed at him.
“Dean you are worth more than this, you know you are. And if you don’t know that, then you listen to me and you listen good.” Sam takes one hand off Dean’s shoulder and pokes him hard right in the chest, gesturing with each phrase, he’s on a roll now, unstoppable, “You are everything to me” poke
“You are my hero” poke
“I owe you my life so many times I’ve lost count” poke
“I don’t care how much you tease me, I’m telling you this, I. Love. You. Dean. More than I ever thought it was possible to love someone.” Sam grips Dean’s biceps, almost shaking him, needing so much for him to listen.
But Dean’s not doing anything, not saying anything, eyes wide in shock, just looking at him like he’s not sure what Sam’s talking about. Because he’s not sure, they never say things like this to each other, and the desperation he’s hearing in his brother’s voice is really disturbing. Why is Sam so damn upset?
“Dean I know you think you’re worthless, but think about this, you are the most important person in the whole world to me, I count on you, I trust you, I value you, and most of all I love you. Unless you think I’m an idiot then you’ve got to believe me, you are a worthwhile person.”
Still no response from Dean, but he’s not throwing punches, or stalking off, or yelling, maybe he’s listening, Sam’s not sure but he can’t stop now that he’s started, he’s got to see this through to the end. Then Dean shakes his head back and forth, like he’s rejecting what Sam’s said to him, just flat out not accepting any of it.
Sam can’t take it any more seeing his brother so beaten down and broken that he doesn’t think he’s worth anything. “You can’t keep throwing yourself away like this! It’s not fair! Not to you and not to me! It’s not the deal I thought we’d made, us against the world! Or isn’t that what you want anymore? Have you just given up on me? On us? Or what? Help me out here Dean, because I can’t take this. Just the thought of losing you forever for something so fucking stupid, just because you needed sex or to prove something, just, it’s too much. I can’t do this anymore. Something’s gotta change.” Sam’s just vibrating, thrumming with the power of his words, the need for Dean to hear him.
But there’s no answer coming, just the sound of Dean breathing in time with Sam’s quickened breath after all that emoting.
“Well?” Sam demands, furious that Dean’s not responding at all, just looking at him, stunned, almost frightened. And Sam feels his tears welling up, he’s so frustrated that Dean’s not getting this, not hearing him, but he can’t cry, not like this.
Yeah Dean heard him, but all he can think to say will sound stupid, and it’s tearing him up inside that Sam’s so upset with him, that he’s fucked everything up so thoroughly, so he just apologizes as sincerely as possible, hoping that will get him out of this, “I’m sorry that I put you through all that.”
“And?” Sam says with a barely controlled anger, realizing that Dean has completely missed the point. Is it willful blindness or does he not believe him?
Dean really does not want to talk about this, not with Sam, not with anyone, but he can see in his brother’s eyes that he’s got to give him something here, so he says the bare minimum, just about the sex part of what seems to be Sam’s endless issues, “I don’t know what else to do Sam, I hadn’t gotten any since, I can’t even remember when, it mighta been back as far as Lisa, and that’s just not me, going without for so long, and I wanted to be me again.”
Almost laughing that of course his brother will choose to only talk about the sex part of what he’s yelling at him about, “Dean, that’s not how you used to be, you weren’t reckless with sex like that, I know you weren’t.”
Ashamed to be reminded, Dean ducks his head down, answering with a wry self-criticism, “Yeah, you got me there, and believe me I learned my lesson. Won’t happen again, I’ll wear two next time.”
That’s all he’s gotten out of this? Sam’s starting to see red again, and he says tightly, barely holding back all the anger he feels, “There’s where you’re wrong.”
Now Dean really doesn’t get what Sam is talking about, doesn’t he want him to have safer sex? “Whatta you mean?”
The control Sam had over his anger is slipping, his voice going even harder and sharper, “You’re not going to need to wear anything, not ever again.”
This is making less sense the more he hears, Dean really doesn’t understand what Sam means, “What the hell are you even talking about?”
The damn breaks, Sam can’t hold this back, it’s where he’s been heading this whole time, and now here it comes, delivered in a voice that does not allow for any compromise, “Because, you’re not gonna be with anyone else but me, from now on.”
Dean feels an instant frisson of arousal at Sam’s possessive words which really freaks him out, and he doesn’t want to think about why, but he covers it up with that big brother hostile teasing tone that usually works, “Oh really, who says so?”
The little brother in Sam automatically wants to responds in kind, but Sam resists and he clearly lays it out there for his brother to hear, no teasing or hostility, just the bare, honest truth.“Me, I say so. I’ve gotta take care of you Dean, you’re not doing it, so it’s my turn now.”
That frisson is back even stronger now, is it the thought of Sam taking care of him, or of him being Sam’s? He’s gotta be misinterpreting this, there’s no way that’s really what Sam means, “Like you’d ever even do that with me, give me a fuckin’ break Sammy, this shit isn’t helping anything.”
Sam thinks, God, he’s really not hearing this, how much clearer does he need to have spelled out for him, fine I’ll just say it, then he’ll have to listen. Sam responds with such intensity and heat, “I mean it, I really do Dean. You’re mine and no one else’s from now on.”
Dean laughs, unbelieving, loud and cruelly, “Yeah right, whatever dude.”
“You’re not listening to me, so I guess I’ll have to show you.” Sam is certain that this is the only course of action he’s got left here, he’s just going to have to go for it and show Dean what he means.
“What’ve you got Sammy? What? You gonna let me fuck you?” Dean snarls.
“Yeah, fuck yeah, anything, everything, all of it. Because I want this Dean, and I know you do too. We need to be together.”
“When did you come up with this brilliant plan? Because it’s kinda coming’ outta left field here.”
“Oh c’mon, it’s always been there, we just never talk about it, and after what happened today, I’m at the point where I just don’t care anymore about what’s been stopping me.”
“You’re not serious.”
“Like a heart-attack.”
“Huh. Bring it on then.”
“What you want some right here, right now, on the side of the road?”
“Yeah, if that’s what you’re offering, since you think I’m such a slut and all.”
“That’s not what I was saying. Not at all.”
“Well that’s what I heard.”
“You missed the part where I said I love you? Figures.”
“Hey, all that emo at once, it was hard to keep track of Sammy, so get on with it I guess.”
“You asshole.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, if I’m not getting any then what was all that ruckus about?”
Sam can’t help it, those tears that were simmering and barely held back burst out now. “Dean, I just told you all that, and you didn’t even listen. What is the fucking use trying to tell you? All you understand is actions huh? Fine, that’s what you want, that’s what you get. But I’m not shutting up Dean, not ‘til you get what I’m saying. I mean it.”
“Whatever dude, I’d rather just go back to sleep at this point.” Dean tries desperately to sound dismissive and nonchalant in the face of what Sam seems to be offering.
“Fuck you.” Sam’s almost crushed that Dean is leaving this all up to him, he thought he’d be on the same page with him by now.
“Sure thing Sammy, as I said before, Bring.It.On.” Dean issues the challenge, not really thinking Sam will follow through, but still that frisson of arousal is there, tickling low through his belly and he’s hoping, kinda sorta hoping that Sam’s really doing this.
Sam wipes his hands across his eyes, clearing away the tears and looking at Dean, who’s realized that Sam’s not kidding and all of a sudden he’s looking like he wants to run away, but he doesn’t, he stays, and Sam smiles knowing he’s caught him now and says low and dangerous, “Take off your boots.”
“What you gotta foot fetish I don’t know about?” Dean’s final attempt to deflect all this, to break out of the hold Sam has on him utterly fails. He’s lost to this need to find out what happens next, it’s taken him over, it’s all up to Sam now.
“Just get them off, now, socks too.” Sam crosses his arms, looking down at Dean sternly.
“Fine, bossy.” Dean’s eyes widen in surprise at the command, and then he’s completely surprised to feel that little frisson burst into full-on desire, triggered by his brother taking control like this.
Sam saw it, when it changed for Dean just now. “Don’t front Dean, I know you love it.”
Dean bends and unties his boots, yanks off his socks, throwing them into the car through the open passenger door.
Sam comes up close now and grabs Dean’s waistband pulling him in closer, “these come off next.”
Dean’s hands are a little shaky, but he unbuttons his jean’s buttons one by one and shoves them down, pulls them off and throws them in the car after his boots.
Sam looks him up and down, seeing the hard line of Dean’s full cock on display through his boxer briefs. He can’t help but run his hand firmly up and down a couple times. Dean gasps in surprise and then groans as Sam squeezes him, starting up a rhythm. Sam feels the wetness through the cotton, “You’re getting so wet for me Dean, take these off now, your shirt too.”
Dean looks him in the eye, still challenging, but he does it, he pulls his boxers off and tears off his shirt and then he’s standing there completely naked and completely turned on in front of his fully-clothed brother, on the side of the highway. Sam’s feels like he’s thrumming with this weird power now, having gotten his brother to this state with just a few words, “Now’s the fun part, I always wanted to do this on the Impala, but this car is close enough I guess. It’ll have to do.”
Sam pulls him in tight, feeling Dean pressed up against him shoulder to knees, wishing he was naked too, but that’s not what this is about, not tonight, not yet. He roams his hands from his brother’s shoulders down to his ass, stroking and massaging, enjoying hearing the moans coming from him. He leans down and brushes his lips against Dean. “This is how it’s always gonna be Dean, from now on, me lovin’ you, just like this.” He kisses him more firmly, Dean responding this time, turning his own head so that he’s at the right angle and just opens up for his brother. Sam takes it, takes it all from Dean, exploring his whole mouth, learning his taste and texture, sucking, licking, biting until they both have to pull apart gasping.
“No one else, just me.” Sam whispers in Dean’s ear, making him shiver.
“You keep kissing me like that I could get used to the idea.” Dean rasps out in a thick raspy voice that neither of them recognize.
So Sam does just that for a long time, kissing his beautiful, broken, frustrating, possibly suicidal brother senseless, almost losing track of what he means to do next until Dean starts up an insistent rutting rhythm against his thigh and grabbing for his hard, jeans-enclosed cock, it wakes him up to the fact he doesn’t have much more time.
“Not like that Dean, not this time. This is all about you right now. Up you go.” And he reaches down, grabs Dean around the waist and lifts him up to set him down on the roof of the car.
Dean can’t help but squawk in surprise, “What’re you doing?”
“Going to church.” Sam murmurs as he moves in between his brother’s spread, dangling legs as close as he can, running his hands up his thighs.
“Not getting it Sammy, wouldja say something that makes sense.” Dean’s completely flailing now, he’d thought Sam was kidding, just another game of gay chicken like they do sometimes, and now he’s up here on the damn car roof and his brother is standing down there looking up at him like he’s worshipping at an altar or some damn thing. This look of awe and devotion transforming his familiar face into something he can’t help but think of as beautiful.
Sam holds him around the waist, his head resting just above Dean’s navel. He bends his head back, looking up into his brother’s face. “You’re so beautiful Dean, like one of those renaissance paintings I studied in art history class at school, you’re so beautiful to me. I’m here to worship you.”
Dean shrugs up his shoulders, closing in on himself, drops his head to his chest, not meeting Sam’s eyes anymore and grumbles, “Shut up.”
“Listen to me. You are beautiful.” He leans up on tiptoes, pulling Dean down into another warm sloppy kiss, holding his face gently between his hands, saying as he pulls back, “My beautiful beautiful man.”
Dean looks down at him helplessly, so turned on he can’t even think straight, his heart pounding, and it’s just overwhelming having Sam pour all this love and shit on him all at once, he can’t deal with hearing it, can’t deal with knowing he’d never be able to do the same for Sam, he practically begs, “Sam, you know I can’t.”
“I know, its okay. Just let me Dean, please just listen.” Sam holds Dean’s gaze like he’s hypnotized him completely. Somehow Dean just can’t look away, riveted to what his brother is doing to him. He’s transfixed by seeing, finally really seeing all that love on his brother’s face, that’s there, all just for him. Sam slowly traces the tattoo over Dean’s heart with one light fingertip and Dean can’t help but shiver. Sam lays his palm flat over it, covering Dean’s heart, feeling it throb beneath his touch, pulse speeding up at the contact.
Sam trails his hands down Dean’s chest, circling his nipples several times, caressing back and forth over his abs, hands coming to rest on his hips, still holding his brother’s gaze, “You’re everything I want Dean, everything. You Dean, I want all of you, every part, the good and the bad. I always have. I always will.”
Sam shifts down until his head is even with Dean’s foot, holding his ankle, and slowly kisses every inch of Dean’s left foot and up the inside of his calf to his knee, holding Dean’s eyes while he says “Dean, Know that you are unconditionally loved, always, no matter what.”
As he repeats it all on the right side, he meets Dean’s eyes again, “I Love You Completely.”
Sam kisses his way up Dean’s right inner thigh, stopping where it meets the inside of his hip and sucks a deep bruised mark into the thin skin. Dean groans and his cock jerks up. Sam looks up and meets Dean’s eyes again and says, “You are beyond precious to me.” Dean moans when Sam moves away from his crotch as Sam’s hair brushes over his very hard, impatient cock.
Sam starts kissing his way up Dean’s left inner thigh, and stops to suck a matching mark on his hip bone. He raises his head and meets Dean’s eyes again, “I can’t live without you, you know that.”
He leans in and licks a slow spiral around Dean’s navel, turns his head resting it on his thigh, looking up into Dean’s lust-blown eyes, “You are mine.”
Sam reaches up and traces Dean’s lips with one finger, still holding his gaze, “I am yours.” Dean is panting now, not just turned-on, but turned inside-out with what his brother has done here. He’s feeling like he’s been torn into a million pieces and reassembled by Sam’s words and touches. He has never felt like this before in his whole life.
Sam rests his hands on Dean’s thighs, rubbing his fingers gently back and forth at the edge of his wiry curls. He smiles up at Dean, taking in the incredible look on his brother’s face, and says with a curious finality, “That’s what I wanted to say Dean, can you accept it all, do you believe me?”
Dean looks at him with tear-filled eyes, sees his brother standing there between his legs, shining with love and devotion and lust and possession, he reaches to take Sam’s hands and squeezes them, feels a letting go of all the reserve and hesitation of the years spent keeping this hidden, “Yeah Sammy, yeah I do.”
“Good, because now I can do this.” Sam puts Dean’s hands in his hair and leans over to lick his cock from the base all the way to the tip. Dean’s body surges forward as if hit by an electrical shock, and Sam’s hands hold his thighs down to the car’s roof harder. Sam spirals his tongue around the tip, and then back and forth licking into the slit. Loud groans and sighs are coming from somewhere, he’s not sure who is making them, so he goes back to sucking Dean all the way in as far as he can. Dean is producing a stream of incoherent noises interspersed with a rumbling chant of Sammy God Don’t Stop So Good repeating over and over, his hips trying to thrust up into Sam’s mouth, gripping his hands tight in Sam’s hair. Sam hollows his cheeks and sucks just a little harder as he pulls up twisting his tongue around the tip and Dean gives up then, he surrenders everything he’s been holding back, all of it comes flooding out just for Sam, into Sam, and Sam takes it all, swallows it all, humming happily, knowing this was what his brother needed.
After awhile Dean comes back around to himself, recognizing that exquisite feeling that’s almost pain, almost pleasure is his brother licking his completely spent cock clean, that he is perched on top of their car completely naked on the side of the highway in the middle of the night, and that he’s the happiest he’s been in fucking years. It’s the damndest thing, Sam has managed to blow him, blow his mind, and fix the hole in his heart he’s been carrying around for what seems like forever. He runs his fingers through Sam’s hair and whispers, just a little bit sadly, “You know I’ll never be able to do this for you, right Sam?”
“Yeah, I know, not expecting it. Just wanted to take care of you, make you feel good.”
“Good? Yeah I’d say I feel pretty damned good Sammy, looks like your evil plan worked.”
“How was it evil?”
“Oh you know, using hypnosis or whatever it was to make me comply with your orders and just taking over like that so I’d listen to you.”
Laughter is the only response when he hears his brother, the well-know King of Denial come up with that one, “Well, so long as it worked.”
Dean reaches down and caresses Sam’s cheek gently, a new softness around his eyes, like something has relaxed that’s been holding tight for years. “Yeah it did, guess I needed that. Thanks.”
Sam smiles up at his beautiful brother, hoping that if he’s thanking him that maybe it really did work. “You’re welcome. Ready to get down?”
“Will the fun never end?” Dean scootches himself forward to the edge of the roof of the car, wincing as his sticky balls grab onto the roof. Sam lifts him down slowly, sliding his body down his own until Dean touches down. Sam pulls him in tight and rests his head on his shoulder so he can whisper into Dean’s neck, “I really do love you, you know?”
“Yeah, I got that.”
“Good.” Sam hugs him tight, like he could seal the acceptance of his love into Dean’s body somehow, so he’ll never lose track of it again.
“Can I put my clothes back on now? Can’t believe you did this on the side of the freaking road Sam.”
“Had to be done, and yeah, put ‘em back on, I’ll keep driving for a while.” Sam can’t believe his brother is asking him whether he can put his clothes back on. Maybe he read him wrong and he’s a whole lot more submissive than he’d ever thought possible. That particular subject Sam decides to table for another day though.
“What about your, you know.” Dean waves his hand at Sam’s obviously hard erection distorting the front of his jeans.
Sam thinks for a minute and decides that he’ll push a little more to see if he’s right about the submissive thing, “I’ll be okay, ‘m saving it for you, for when we get closer to Portland and find a motel.”
“Oh really?”
“Yes really Dean, you think about that while we’re driving.” With that line saucily delivered, Sam folds himself into the driver’s seat and waits to see how his brother reacts. Will he yell? Refuse to get in the car or …
“Well alright then.” Dean slaps the roof of the Riviera and settles into the passenger seat. Sam pulls out back onto the highway with a roar, leaving behind another cloud of dirt.
A little further down the road, being Sam, he of course has to ask, to make sure that consent wasn’t really an issue remaining between them, “Dean if this wasn’t okay with you, you’d have stopped me, right?”
“Yeah Sam, it’s all good. When you’re right, you’re really right I guess.”
“Still wish I coulda done it on the Impala, always wanted to, have it be on Her, how I always pictured it.”
“Yeah it woulda been even better. Guess when we get Her back you can give it another try. But really, you’ve been wanting to do this with me? For how long?”
“Pretty sure, you don’t really want to know that Dean.”
“Try me Sammy.”
Honesty’s the new policy, so Sam goes with it, “Since the time we killed that shapeshifter that was into all those monster movies.”
“That’s a long time ago, why then?”
“You were just back from hell, and were so messed up and empty and you were going on and on about being re-hymenated and then you went off with Jamie or whatever her name was. And I didn’t want you to, I wanted you to go with me, do everything for the first time with me, but I couldn’t ask. I could tell you needed something to fill you up after hell and I wanted it to be me.”
“Wish you had said something, I would have said yes.”
“Really even back then?”
“Yeah really, Sam, like you said it was always there and we never talked about it, and you were right, it should have been you.”
“I wish it had been me too.”
“Well it wasn’t and this took too long to finally happen, but now it has and Sammy have you thought about how this is gonna change stuff, you know between us?”
“Most of the things I can see happening are upsides. For me I’ll get regular sex with someone besides myself, I finally get to be honest with you, and I’ll feel better knowing you’re not risking yourself out there on the meat market. For you, I figure you’ll get regular sex with someone who loves you (which you now know is fundamentally different than just sex), and maybe you’ll be able to trust me more since I’m going to be fully honest with you. Downsides are if we have a fight then no sex for a while.”
“Yeah, but I’ve heard make-up sex is pretty awesome.”
“What, you wanna have a fight?”
“No I really don’t, I hate fighting with you, I wanna have that other kind of sex you were talking about.”
“What, sex with someone who loves you?”
“Uh, yeah I guess.”
Sam reaches over for Dean’s hand, holding it tight, “That’s all it’s ever gonna be Dean, from here on out.”
Dean doesn’t answer, he just grins, and lowers himself down so his head is resting on Sam’s thigh, settling in to go to sleep, letting go of Sam’s hand so he can snake his own hand around between Sam’s lower back and the seat. Sam’s hand drops into his brother’s short hair, scratching through in a little massaging motion making Dean sigh and relax. Sam just drives now, still hard, still thinking about what’s going to happen when they get to a motel, and still thinking about what they’ve just done. He can’t believe how happy he is right now, everything’s changed, but it all feels like it’s changed into what it was always meant to be. All he knows for sure is that he’s finally got someone of his own to take care of.
~FIN~