(Untitled)

[slybrunette]

Title: Unforgiving
Fandom: Lost
Characters/Pairings: Desmond, Claire, mentions of Claire/Charlie
Prompt: Challenge #52 over at

Comments

[bebitched]

I love the confrontation between the two on them, how she blames him and how he blames himself.

"He died for nothing."

It breaks my heart to hear her say that, for her to believe that. The smudged letter was a nice touch. I'm not quite sure what you were so worried about.

[slybrunette]

Well it is Desmond's fault, and I wouldn't put it past Claire to blame because in times like that you just need someone to blame in order to rationalize everything that you are feeling you know?

That line was the only thing I knew was going to be said when I came up with this story's concept -- it was getting there that was hard. I just don't think rescue is going to come right away -- maybe his death was just the beginning of a chain of events, but right afterwards it's not going to seem like anything.

I was worried because it was something I wrote in an hour or so, and didn't proofread since my father had told me to get off the computer, so I was very hurried.

Thanks so much for reading, I know I make you read through things a lot these days, but it means a lot that you take the time to do. *hugs*

[bebitched]

I can definately see Claire blaming him, because it would be too painful for her to blame Charlie.

I really don't mind reading your stuff, especially since I don't exactly have anything you're distracting me from. You know after all that my mom's boss never call?

[slybrunette]

That bitch.

[slybrunette]

Aw, you read it, yay! This was really a spur of the moment idea I got at about one in the morning, trying to do something for the challenge and I just said the hell with it and typed it up this afternoon, so I'm glad you thought that the plot worked.

Thanks for reading!

[hendercats]

This is the scene I tried to write and just couldn't - Claire confronting Des with all her grief and anger. You've an excellent grasp of Claire's voice throughout. Very nice work!

He doesn't bother to defend himself when she pauses
Yes, exactly so. This is what I'm certain will happen; she'll rip into him and he'll just take it because he's blaming himself for Charlie's death.

[slybrunette]

It's funny that we had the same idea. Great minds and all that jazz. I've actually never written Desmond before though, so I had to do this Claire based (I'm very familiar with her), yet still fit the prompt.

I hope we get to see a scene like this but I'm not sure we will. I just have this feeling Desmond will take it, because he'll blame himself.

Thanks for reading!

[falafel_fiction]

Good fic. I too am angry over Charlie's death and feel like it was all for nothing. The boat isn't a rescue boat and even when they get away it seems Jack wants to drag them all back to the island. I don't blame Desmond though. It's not his fault the universe had a sick obsession with killing Charlie.

[slybrunette]

I'm not necessarily angry so much as frustrated. And I think that whatever Desmond saw was actually the end of a long chain of events -- set in motion by Charlie's death -- that has little to do with the boat. I think this is more big picture.

And no, Desmond, as much as I hate to admit it, isn't to blame, though I'm not so sure he'll see it that way, you know.

Thanks for reading!

[falafel_fiction]

I'm a little more bitter than that. I don't feel Charlies "death" set anything in motion. Charlie unjamming the transmissions or Charlie contacting Penny may have set important things in motion. Charlies death was just a needless tragedy. A waste of a good character. Poor Claire and Des.

[slybrunette]

Yeah that's true. Not his actual death, but the acts he commited prior to it.

[thebloodroses]

"She slaps him. Hard, and fast, and it’ll leave a red mark in the shape of a hand for a few hours, but it isn’t permanent (and death is)." = BLOODY FUCKING HELL! A. It made me cry and B. it made me feel disgusted with myself as a writer for not being able to write something half as powerful.

This comment is turning out kind of weird, but what I mean to say is, this fanfic was most excellent! I was very impressed by your writing prowess and very moved. My only critique is that, honestly, I thought the end was a bit weak. I think it would've packed a much greater punch if you concluded with, "He died for nothing." Well, I guess that's it, then. Keep writing! <3

[slybrunette]

Well A) I'm glad it was emotional enough, but unhappy that it made you sad, and B) Do NOT put yourself down like that. It's not good to compare yourself.

Ah, someone who provides actual concrit. I actually thank you for mentioning that. Looking back I kind of tend to agree that I should've just stopped it there.

Thanks for reading!