FIC: A Kidney, A Brain, and A Heart
Title: A Kidney, A Brain, and A Heart
Author: sleeper6
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The guys belong to ATWT, not me.
Summary: Reid finds out about Luke’s kidneys. This is a gap-filler set between the disastrous Metro date and Reid’s “enchilada” speech.
A/N #1: Belated birthday gift for the wonderful lemondrop34, who provided the prompt and some plot points. Hope you enjoy it!
A/N #2: I am no expert on medical procedures, so although some details are facts, more details are not.
Reid knows what he has to do.
“Don’t give up on him.” You should, though. You deserve better.
“I can’t help wondering if I’m scaring him off because of my history with Brad.”
“I really don’t think that’s it,” Reid says, wanting to say more but instead keeping his mouth shut-a first for him-for now.
“What could it be then?” Katie asks, turning around to look at him. She’s upset, frustrated, and fragile.
He doesn’t want to add to her distress so he treads carefully. “Trust me, Katie. Chris just has some . . . issues that he needs to work through before he can get close.” Like not falling dead at your feet, Reid thinks, and he wants to laugh, chuckle or smirk but this situation with Chris is too serious to do any of that.
Damn Chris’s heart.
“Don’t we all?” Katie says dryly.
Reid slowly nods, thinking about Chris, Katie, Luke . . . himself. He wants to be honest with Katie and tell her the whole truth about Chris and his condition. He wants to slap Chris for not telling Katie already. He wants to talk to Luke and apologize for the crappy date they had and make it up to him and let him know that his distance tonight had nothing to do with them or Noah Mayer and everything to do with his roommate and her unbelievingly stupid boyfriend.
But for now Reid stands from the sofa and walks toward the kitchen and Katie. He wants-needs-to comfort her. She’s been through too much. She doesn’t deserve this. Chris doesn’t deserve her, but Katie likes him and he makes her smile, and Reid wants Katie to be happy. That she deserves. So he swallows his insults and quiets his mind as he looks at her.
“Give him time,” Reid says with a small smile. “He’ll come around.”
Katie sighs as she runs a hand through her hair. “How do you know?”
He doesn’t. “I just do.”
Katie releases a small laugh. “I can’t believe you actually want me and Chris to work out. You’re not exactly his favorite fan.”
“I’m not, never going to be, but you like him.”
Katie immediately nods. “Yeah, I do.”
Reid smiles.
“Oh, so you like him too, then?”
Reid’s smile disappears. “Let’s not go that far.” He scratches the back of his neck. “I just think you shouldn’t give up on this thing happening between you two if you really like the idiot-guy.”
Katie smiles gratefully. “Thanks, Reid.” She squeezes Reid’s shoulder as she walks past him. “I was right. Luke does bring out the best in you.”
Luke.
Reid sighs as he stands alone in the kitchen. He has to agree that Luke has something to do with all these . . . feelings Reid now has for others. He always only looked out for himself, but then he met Luke Snyder and his amygdala has never been the same since. Reid chuckles as he thinks of how active that part of his temporal lobe has been since meeting Luke. The amygdala-which has been called the feeling and acting brain, in charge of most emotional responses and actions-has reacted more in the past few months than it ever has before. Reid blames it for all the emotions he feels-for Katie, Jacob, Bob, yes, even Chris, and Luke, especially Luke.
But he’s not upset about it. If he’s honest with himself, Reid will admit that he’s okay with it, specifically all the people he feels . . . things for. Katie is the sister he never had, Bob is the father he had and lost, Chris is the arch nemesis every superhero needs, and Luke-well, Luke is everything. And yes, he’s admitted that to himself already, a good while back, in fact. He loves the guy who turned his world upside down and puts the same smile on his face that Chris puts on Katie’s.
He loves Luke, all of Luke: the spoiled brat, Richie Rich, the cloyingly naïve kid, the loving son and brother, Mr. Snyder, the most loyal boyfriend, and everything else that is Luke.
Suddenly, as he leans against the kitchen sink, he recalls his and Luke’s awful date tonight, and Reid knows what he has to do.
After all, Reid didn’t “get to choose love,” as Katie once told him; it chose him. And Reid must hold onto it just like he advised Katie a while ago. Because Reid knows that life without love has been pretty grim for Katie and it will continue to be so if Katie gives up on Chris or if Chris doesn’t grow the other half of his brain and tell Katie the truth before it’s too late.
And life won’t be so great for Reid, either, if he doesn’t try to fix the earlier events of that night because Reid knows if he loses this thing he has with Luke, his amygdala will get all emotional again, and it won’t be in a good way this time.
Reid takes out his phone and is about to dial his favorite number when the phone starts ringing.
Chris Hughes.
Reid walks past Katie’s bedroom and into his own, the phone still ringing in his hand.
He sits on the bed and stares at the lit screen. He’s had enough of Chris Hughes for one day, and he isn’t in the mood to hear more foolish reasons for Chris not seeking help and admitting his condition to his family and Katie.
After the sixth ring-Reid doesn’t have voicemail; the only two people he’d actually call back have his beeper number in case of a real emergency-Reid sighs and answers the phone. “What?”
“Where are you?” Chris demands.
“At home. Why, you need me to poke your ass again?”
“That’s funny,” Chris says, chuckling. “That’s what I thought you might be doing to Luke since you weren’t answering your phone.”
“I wish. Luke does too but thanks to you, my case of blue balls just took a turn for the worse,” Reid says.
“It’s not my fault.”
“The hell it is. You ruined our night.”
“I needed your help,” Chris argues.
“Which I gave to you. Now what do you want?”
“Did you tell Katie?”
“No, I haven’t, but you will,” Reid replies bluntly.
“I will.”
“When?”
“Soon.”
“Sometime before your heart stops and you’re being given your last rites?” Reid asks.
“That’s not gonna happen,” Chris says.
“Your heart is being attacked by a virus, Chris. It’s going to keep deteriorating until you either seek help or it completely shuts down,” Reid says angrily. “I’m speaking as a medical professional so you know I’m right. And I’m not giving you a medical opinion; I’m stating a fact.” He always knew Chris was an idiot; he just never knew the extent of his idiocy.
“Then I’ll get a new heart.”
Reid snorts. “Oh, right, because it’s as easy as ordering take-out from Al’s, I forgot.” Reid shakes his head. “Getting a new heart takes even longer than to see me, if you can believe that.”
“There are ways around that,” Chris says, sounding much too cocky to Reid. “Just ask your boyfriend.”
“What did you say?”
“Ask Luke. His kidney, remember?”
Reid holds the phone closer to his ear as if he suddenly can’t hear Chris. “What?”
Chris is momentarily silent on the other line. “I thought you knew about it,” he says slowly.
Reid tightens the grip on his phone. “What about it?”
“Um, everyone knows. I figured he’d tell you.”
“Tell me what everyone knows, Chris,” Reid demands.
“Well, I just know what I heard,” Chris says before taking a deep breath. “When Luke was fourteen or fifteen, he got an infection and his kidneys were so damaged that he needed a transplant.”
Reid stands. Luke. Kidney transplant.
“No one was a match so a friend of Lily’s found a kidney for Luke so he wouldn’t have to wait a year on the waiting list,” Chris continues. “It wasn’t exactly legal but it saved his life.”
Reid is pacing around his bedroom. Luke. Kidney transplant.
“So, you see, a bad heart doesn’t necessarily mean the end of me. This is Oakdale, Reid. I’ll find a new one.”
Luke. Kidney transplant.
“I have to go, Chris,” Reid says, swallowing several times, his mouth becoming dry as he listened to Chris.
“Okay. And remember, don’t tell Katie anything.”
“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Bye,” Reid says, running a hand roughly through his hair before sitting back down.
Luke had a kidney transplant, Reid’s mind keeps repeating. He holds the phone tightly as he stares at the bare wall straight in front of him. How did I not know this? Why didn’t he tell me?
And then his brain-the frontal lobe this time-starts analyzing and processing the facts:
Anti-rejection medicines. Side effects: diabetes, bone thinning, high blood pressure.
Immunosuppressants for life. Cyclosporine, tacrolimus, sirolimus.
Life expectancy of transplant patients.
Reid quickly stands. No, he won’t go there, he thinks as he begins to pace back and forth again, his heart thumping wildly in his chest. He’s not sure of the exact number of years. Hell, he’s not even sure of an estimate. But he refuses to think about that now. Not yet. Not until he researches kidney transplants and their outcomes. Not until he talks to Luke.
Luke.
Reid frantically punches Luke’s number into the keypad.
“Hello,” Luke says. His voice is distant, and Reid knows Luke is upset about Reid refusing his invitation to stay the night.
“How are you?”
“Lonely,” Luke replies, and Reid almost smiles. He loves how much Luke is like him, how he says what he feels. That’s one thing Noah Mayer couldn’t handle, but Reid likes it just fine.
“So no one’s home yet?” Reid asks. He honestly wants to only ask one question-Why didn’t you tell me about your kidney?-but he can’t seem to, not that he can’t but more like he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t know what Luke will say; he doesn’t know if he can handle the answers that Luke might give him. He’s not prepared, not this soon after discovering that the one person who means more than anything might not be around forever-forever with him, that is, because that’s what Reid wants, hopes for, and he can’t imagine his forever not including Luke Snyder.
Reid rubs his face. No, he won’t think about that yet, no matter how emotional his amygdala is making him feel.
“I’m all alone for the night. I told you.”
“How are you feeling?”
“What?”
“Are you feeling okay?”
Luke is silent on the other end.
“Luke?”
“I’m feeling fine, Reid. What do you want?” Luke asks.
Reid breathes in and out. “Rest. Just rest. And I’ll-I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Will you?” Luke asks quietly.
“Of course I will,” Reid instantly replies. He realizes how upset Luke really is, and he doesn’t like being the cause of it. He sits back down on the bed as he holds the phone even closer to his ear. “Luke, I want to. You know that.” He sighs. “But tonight wasn’t right. There were too many . . . distractions.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Luke says, his voice devoid of anger.
“Aren’t I always?” That elicits a small laugh from Luke, and Reid can’t help but smile. He loves that sound. “So, want to meet for coffee tomorrow?”
“At Java? I thought you didn’t like stepping foot in there on account of you-know-who.”
“It’s fine; I can handle it,” Reid says confidently. As much as he loathed Noah’s name popping up during their date that night, Reid knows he overreacted. He shouldn’t have dismissed Luke so easily.
“Maybe because he doesn’t work there anymore?” Luke asks teasingly. Though Reid can’t see him, he can imagine the smirk on Luke’s pretty face.
“Well, yeah, there’s that,” Reid admits. It’s not that he fears Noah, but he’d rather not run into him. His nose appreciates it.
Luke chuckles. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Good night, Reid.”
“Good night, Luke,” Reid whispers, and just as he opens his mouth again to ask that one particular question, Luke hangs up.
Reid drops the phone beside him and crawls up-still in his shirt and jeans-toward the headboard. He sits against it, legs stretched out, and wraps his arms around a huge, fluffy pillow. He remains in that position, staring at the wall in front of him, and thinks. He thinks about Luke and the incredibly unfair circumstances that Luke has been dealt.
Luke.
His too-generous-for-his-own-good, best-excuse-for-a-human-being boyfriend doesn’t deserve to live at risk because a part of him failed him. He’s had enough failures in his life: Noah, Bad Dad, his parents.
Reid tiredly rubs his eyes. He knows what he must do. He’s not going to fail Luke, and he’s going to make sure that Luke’s kidney doesn’t fail him either. He’s a doctor; he can figure something out. And he’s a genius; he will figure something out.
Reid laughs mirthlessly. Months ago, he wouldn’t have cared about an idiot like Chris or a guy like Luke. Now, though, saving is them is all he wants to do. The autonomic responses associated with fear that his amygdala is producing are too hard to ignore. He can’t lose Luke, and Katie can’t lose Chris.
Damn his brain.
Reid is startled as he wakes to the shrill sound of his alarm clock. He hits the snooze button and sits up. Glancing down at himself, he notices that he’s still dressed. That’s when he remembers what he has to do.
After a shower and shave, Reid dresses and heads to the hospital. For the past few days, he’s been preoccupied with Chris and his life-threatening condition, but today, Operation Don’t Let Dumbo Die-along with Operation Lay Luke, a mission he’s been trying to successfully complete since the second or third time he laid eyes on Luke-will be pushed aside for Operation Kidney II (as the first phase was already carried out and completed by Lily when Luke had his transplant).
Reid arrives at Memorial, careful not to run into the hospital idiot, and rushes to the nephrology unit. He has a few free hours before seeing his first patient, so he’ll use that time to research the nephrologists on staff. Reid remembers being introduced to every doctor, but, as usual, he doesn’t remember their actual names. He sits in an empty on-call room and pores over each doctor’s background before searching for some old colleagues of his in Dallas and Boston. He makes a note to contact them once he’s talked to Luke and knows the exact details of his transplant and current progress.
That’s where Bob Hughes finds him.
“Dr. Oliver? What are you doing in the nephrology wing?”
Reid is tempted to lie and say he’s helping some random patient before realizing that Bob might prove useful. “I’m just doing some research.”
Bob sits in the empty chair next to Reid. “On?”
Reid rubs his eyes. “How qualified is the nephrology staff here?”
Bob slowly nods. “Luke.”
“What do you know about it, Bob?” He rephrases the question when Bob doesn’t answer. “Okay, what can you tell me about it?”
“Luke is doing well. He’s shown no sign of renal failure or complications as far as I know. He hasn’t talked to you about it?”
Reid looks down. “Not yet.”
“Then talk to him, Reid. Only he can tell you what you need to know.” Bob stands. “Keep in mind that the life expectancy rates for transplant recipients get longer every year as long as they don’t put themselves at risk.” He pats Reid’s shoulder. “And transplants are more common than you think. People live long, healthy lives in spite of-or rather, because of them.”
“Why Luke, though?” Reid says. He didn’t mean to say it out loud but, damnit, he wants to know. Regardless of the life expectancy rates that may or not be long, Luke still has an expiration date that will most likely happen before Reid’s (as long as I don’t get hit by a train or piss off the wrong person, he thinks). And he wants to know why. Of all the people he knows, why does it have to be Luke? Reid runs a hand through his hair. Just like out of all parents in the world, why did his have to die? Why is life so fucking unfair sometimes?
Bob shoves his hands into his coat pockets and looks down at Reid, a hint of sadness on his face. “I don’t know.”
Reid exhales sharply before looking up at Bob. “How long do you think Luke has?”
“I’m not his doctor, Reid. Talk to Luke and then maybe the two of you can talk to Dr. Andrews. He’s a wonderful specialist, and he’s been here with us for many years,” Bob answers.
Reid nods. “His record is pretty good.”
“Let me get back to my office and I’ll look through my contacts and send some information your way.”
Reid points to the laptop and files. “Thanks; I’ve got this.”
“But a little more information never hurt anyone, right?” Bob asks, smiling.
Reid smiles after a while. “Right.”
“Luke is strong, you’re strong, and you’re both very stubborn. I have no doubt the two of you can handle this,” says Bob before walking to the door.
Reid suddenly wants to tell Bob the truth about Chris. Bob wants to help Reid save Luke so Reid should help Bob save Chris. “Bob?”
Bob turns around.
And that’s when Reid realizes how difficult this is, wanting to help a loved one but being mostly powerless to do so. He hates that he-in spite of all his skill and expertise-cannot guarantee longevity for Luke’s kidney. And as much as Bob will try to help his son, he won’t be able to save Chris himself. So Reid decides to keep helping Chris in secret . . . for now. “I’ll, uh, start my rounds in a bit.”
“Take your time,” Bob says.
Sometime later in the morning, Reid receives a packet of information from Bob with contact information from top nephrologists and specialists in and outside of the U.S. Bob, knowing how Reid still feels about the quality of Memorial’s care, also provides a list of kidney transplant programs that perform living donor transplants. There is also documentation of recipient cases where young patients lived past their estimated life expectancies, well into the sixties and seventies age range.
The most interesting information Reid finds is about the donation process. Reid has already made it one of his missions in Operation Kidney II to find a viable kidney in the event that Luke might require a second transplant, a not-so-uncommon occurrence among transplant recipients.
By the time the afternoon rolls around, Reid almost feels like a nephrologist himself. He still has a few things to look into, but his amygdala thankfully isn’t producing as much fear in Reid as the night before. He doesn’t feel so helpless or hopeless. And he knows he’ll feel more secure once he talks to Luke at Java later. The operation is put on pause, though, when Reid bumps into Chris.
Reid isn’t surprised that Chris is acting like an even bigger idiot that day, still refusing to see a cardiologist and now requesting that Reid help medicate him in the privacy of a hotel room. Reid wants to refuse-he does initially-but then he remembers Luke and Bob and Katie, so Reid agrees.
He almost wishes he didn’t later, though, when Luke confronts him and accuses him of cheating after secretly meeting with Chris. Reid wants to laugh because the thought of him cheating is too ridiculous for words. If Luke knew how upset and desperate Reid’s been all night and day trying to find a way to keep him alive for a long, long time, Luke wouldn’t be so quick to believe Noah. Talking about Noah or Chris is the last thing Reid wants to do so he denies the lie and quickly drops the subject. Reid is really only worried about one thing, so much so that he almost skips the trustees’ party so he and Luke could sit down privately and discuss Operation Kidney II. But then he thinks about the importance of becoming Chief of Staff and how he’ll be able to hire and attract the top specialists in the field of nephrology and have access to a lot more critical information to help Luke once he’s the head honcho. So Reid decides to go and talk to Luke later.
But after Luke accuses him of secrets and lies at the party, Reid knows it’s kidney-talk time. He even confesses the truth about Chris because he trusts Luke, trusts him more than anyone, and he’s hoping Luke will be able to trust him too with his kidney story.
“I think we should talk to him together. Two against one could force him to seek the help he needs,” Luke says as Reid parks his car in the Snyder residence driveway.
Reid shrugs, not really thinking about Chris. They’re finally alone, and Reid knows what he has to do. “Luke, can we stop talking about Chris?”
Luke looks curiously at him. “Sure, but isn’t this why you told me the truth, so I can help you? I’m only suggesting-”
“No, I know,” Reid interrupts, “and I appreciate it, but there’s something else I need to talk to you about.”
Luke unbuckles his seat belt and shifts in his seat to look at Reid. “What is it?”
Reid unbuttons the top buttons on his shirt. It’s suddenly very warm in the car. “Can we go inside?”
Luke quickly glances at the house and then back at Reid. “Um, my mom’s home, the kids too.”
Reid shakes his head. “Relax, Luke, I only want to talk.”
Luke smiles and opens the passenger door. “Let’s go.”
Reid tries not to laugh as Luke rolls his eyes when Lily enthusiastically greets him. Luke mentioned that he’d told her about Reid once calling her a ‘hottie,’ and ever since then, Lily grins like a schoolgirl and even blushes on occasion when she sees Reid.
“We’ll be upstairs, Mom,” Luke mutters as he drags Reid away from Lily.
“I’ll be down here in case you two need anything,” Lily says, settling on the couch.
Luke shuts the bedroom door behind them and removes his jacket.
“You sure we don’t have to leave the door open?” Reid teases Luke. It never fails to amuse him that he’s in a relationship with someone so young who still lives at home with his mother.
“Shut up,” Luke says, sitting down on his bed. “Do you want anything to drink?”
Reid sits next to him. “I’m good.”
Luke stares lovingly at Reid, something Reid has not experienced since his parents. Reid cannot imagine anyone other than Luke looking at him like that. And that’s why he can’t lose Luke. He won’t.
“You were really great tonight,” Luke says.
Reid smiles.
Luke squeezes his arm. “I know you’re worried about Chris, but you have to stay focused on getting the Chief of Staff position. I’ll help you deal with Chris.”
“Just worry about yourself, Luke,” Reid says. He has no idea how else to start the discussion.
Luke wrinkles his brows. “What do you mean?”
“Earlier, when we were talking about trust-”
“Reid, I know I shouldn’t have believed Noah. I’m sorry.”
Reid takes Luke’s hand in his. “No, Luke, it’s not about that. I-I trust you, Luke. I wouldn’t have told you about Chris otherwise. You know you’re the only one I’ve told. I just want to be sure you trust me.”
“I do,” Luke replies quickly.
“You haven’t told me all your secrets.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The secret of your scar, Luke. You have one, don’t you? Why haven’t you told me?”
Luke pulls his hand back. “Katie?”
“No.”
After a few seconds of silence, Luke says, “I was going to tell you.”
“When?”
“Soon, I-I don’t know,” Luke whispers.
“Luke, it’s a big part of who you are,” Reid says softly. “Why didn’t you want me to know?”
Luke sighs. “I think you know why. Yes, it’s a part of me, but it’s a part I don’t like to think about. It’s a part I wish I didn’t have to think about.”
Reid understands.
“It reminds me that I have limits, and you know how I hate anything limiting me,” Luke says with a soft laugh.
Reid smiles.
“I like living in the now without worrying about the future.”
Reid’s smile disappears. That’s not what he expected Luke to say. “How long?”
“Fifteen years.”
Reid tilts his head back as he processes that information. “That’s my age.”
Luke smiles weakly. “I know. I’ll be an old man.”
But Reid doesn’t think it’s funny at all. “So you’re just going to accept the inevitable?” he asks, certain Luke knows what he’s unfortunately referring to.
“Dr. Andrews says that’s just an estimate. It could be longer, and it might be as long as I take care of myself.”
“You take your meds? Every day?”
“Of course. And I don’t drink anymore and I never will again,” Luke continues. “And he said not to put myself at risk or in danger.”
“Isn’t that kind of hard given the multiple kidnappings and hit-and-runs that you endure at least annually?” Reid says with a slight smirk.
Luke laughs. “Yes, but I’ve noticed that I’ve been pretty safe since I’ve been with you so hopefully that can continue.”
Reid is trying to be optimistic. “So how’d you get it?”
“The infection in Mexico and the kidney from some anonymous donor.”
“You seriously don’t know where it came from?”
“My mom’s boyfriend at the time found it so I wouldn’t have to wait long, not that I could anyway. I fell into a coma and no one was a match so I was lucky he found it.”
“And it was a good kidney?”
“Well, they wouldn’t have put it in me if it wasn’t,” Luke replies matter-of-factly.
“Good point.” He clears his throat. “But what if . . . something happens? If you need another? You could spend years on the waiting list and then it might be too late and there’s nothing we can do it about then unless your mom suddenly starts dating another guy with black-market connections.”
Luke touches Reid’s face. “Reid, Reid, it’s okay.”
Reid pushes Luke’s hand away. “No, Luke, it’s not okay. I can’t-you can’t-I, I got tested and I’m not a match. I’m sorry.”
“What? How’d you get tested?”
“Don’t worry, I didn’t look at your file. Before Noah had his surgery, we asked you and your parents to donate blood in case he needed it, remember? I checked his file and your blood type and we’re not compatible.”
“Reid.”
Reid puts his head between his hands. “I was ready for all the tests, Luke: tissue typing, crossmatching, an antibody screen, an arteriogram, but they told me it was no use.” He looks at Luke. “For the first time in my life, I actually wish I was a different type of doctor.”
“Reid, stop,” Luke whispers, slowly shaking his head.
“I can’t, Luke! I need a plan. We need a plan.” He can’t understand how Luke can be so calm about his future-their future.
“Reid, I do have one.”
“What, not drinking and not getting kidnapped?”
Luke laughs, but he becomes serious when he sees that Reid isn’t smiling. “Reid, my body can only do so much and that’s why I’m careful. I am. But just in case I ever do need another kidney, I have one already. It’s a match and it’ll be given to me as soon as I need it.”
“Bad Dad?”
Luke shakes his head. “I know I’m not supposed to mention his name but it’s Noah. Noah’s a match. He got tested when I told a few months after we got together.”
Reid knows it’s not the best time to feel jealous, but he does. That Noah can help save Luke’s life when he can’t frustrates him. But he’ll have to live with that if it means saving Luke’s life. Still, he has to ask. “And I bet he promised he’d give it to you when he thought you’d be together forever?”
“Well, yes, but he’d give it to me if I needed it tomorrow, I’m sure of it.”
“Really? Because he’s still pissed about us and everything that happened.”
“Reid, Noah’s not evil. He promised and I believe him,” Luke says firmly.
“Good thing you told me because I was going to call him about the little rumor he started earlier,” Reid says. He sighs. “This means I’m going to have to be nice to him from now on, huh?”
“Noah’s promise has nothing to do with us, Reid.”
“Still, he’s willing to save your life. I won’t become his best friend but I guess I can refer him to a few good doctors for when he goes to L.A.”
“That’d be nice.”
Reid stares at Luke. He might not have the best plan, but it’s something. It’s hope, something Reid didn’t have the night before.
“I’d give you both kidneys if I could,” Reid says. And he means it.
Luke nods. “Just like I know you’d give Chris your heart if you could.”
“All right, let’s not go that far,” Reid says with a laugh. “I would give him my brain, though.”
Luke laughs, and Reid’s amygdala increases its emotional activity even more. Reid honestly can’t imagine living life without that laugh, the smile, this guy. And Reid knows what he has to do; he will tell Luke soon about what he feels and wants and hopes for.
Tonight, Reid is comforted that he’s not going to lose Luke tomorrow. Or the day after. Reid only hopes Katie can say the same about Chris because losing someone or faced with the possibility of losing someone-both things Reid has experienced-are the biggest fears the brain can produce and the worst.
Reid holds Luke’s face in his hands and vows then and there not to lose him. If that means he has to be nice to Noah Mayer and guard Luke from possible kidnappers and keep him out of a hospital bed, then Reid will do it.
Reid didn’t choose to fall in love, but he did so he’s going to do everything he can to hold on to it, and no kidney is going to stop him.
Author: sleeper6
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The guys belong to ATWT, not me.
Summary: Reid finds out about Luke’s kidneys. This is a gap-filler set between the disastrous Metro date and Reid’s “enchilada” speech.
A/N #1: Belated birthday gift for the wonderful lemondrop34, who provided the prompt and some plot points. Hope you enjoy it!
A/N #2: I am no expert on medical procedures, so although some details are facts, more details are not.
Reid knows what he has to do.
“Don’t give up on him.” You should, though. You deserve better.
“I can’t help wondering if I’m scaring him off because of my history with Brad.”
“I really don’t think that’s it,” Reid says, wanting to say more but instead keeping his mouth shut-a first for him-for now.
“What could it be then?” Katie asks, turning around to look at him. She’s upset, frustrated, and fragile.
He doesn’t want to add to her distress so he treads carefully. “Trust me, Katie. Chris just has some . . . issues that he needs to work through before he can get close.” Like not falling dead at your feet, Reid thinks, and he wants to laugh, chuckle or smirk but this situation with Chris is too serious to do any of that.
Damn Chris’s heart.
“Don’t we all?” Katie says dryly.
Reid slowly nods, thinking about Chris, Katie, Luke . . . himself. He wants to be honest with Katie and tell her the whole truth about Chris and his condition. He wants to slap Chris for not telling Katie already. He wants to talk to Luke and apologize for the crappy date they had and make it up to him and let him know that his distance tonight had nothing to do with them or Noah Mayer and everything to do with his roommate and her unbelievingly stupid boyfriend.
But for now Reid stands from the sofa and walks toward the kitchen and Katie. He wants-needs-to comfort her. She’s been through too much. She doesn’t deserve this. Chris doesn’t deserve her, but Katie likes him and he makes her smile, and Reid wants Katie to be happy. That she deserves. So he swallows his insults and quiets his mind as he looks at her.
“Give him time,” Reid says with a small smile. “He’ll come around.”
Katie sighs as she runs a hand through her hair. “How do you know?”
He doesn’t. “I just do.”
Katie releases a small laugh. “I can’t believe you actually want me and Chris to work out. You’re not exactly his favorite fan.”
“I’m not, never going to be, but you like him.”
Katie immediately nods. “Yeah, I do.”
Reid smiles.
“Oh, so you like him too, then?”
Reid’s smile disappears. “Let’s not go that far.” He scratches the back of his neck. “I just think you shouldn’t give up on this thing happening between you two if you really like the idiot-guy.”
Katie smiles gratefully. “Thanks, Reid.” She squeezes Reid’s shoulder as she walks past him. “I was right. Luke does bring out the best in you.”
Luke.
Reid sighs as he stands alone in the kitchen. He has to agree that Luke has something to do with all these . . . feelings Reid now has for others. He always only looked out for himself, but then he met Luke Snyder and his amygdala has never been the same since. Reid chuckles as he thinks of how active that part of his temporal lobe has been since meeting Luke. The amygdala-which has been called the feeling and acting brain, in charge of most emotional responses and actions-has reacted more in the past few months than it ever has before. Reid blames it for all the emotions he feels-for Katie, Jacob, Bob, yes, even Chris, and Luke, especially Luke.
But he’s not upset about it. If he’s honest with himself, Reid will admit that he’s okay with it, specifically all the people he feels . . . things for. Katie is the sister he never had, Bob is the father he had and lost, Chris is the arch nemesis every superhero needs, and Luke-well, Luke is everything. And yes, he’s admitted that to himself already, a good while back, in fact. He loves the guy who turned his world upside down and puts the same smile on his face that Chris puts on Katie’s.
He loves Luke, all of Luke: the spoiled brat, Richie Rich, the cloyingly naïve kid, the loving son and brother, Mr. Snyder, the most loyal boyfriend, and everything else that is Luke.
Suddenly, as he leans against the kitchen sink, he recalls his and Luke’s awful date tonight, and Reid knows what he has to do.
After all, Reid didn’t “get to choose love,” as Katie once told him; it chose him. And Reid must hold onto it just like he advised Katie a while ago. Because Reid knows that life without love has been pretty grim for Katie and it will continue to be so if Katie gives up on Chris or if Chris doesn’t grow the other half of his brain and tell Katie the truth before it’s too late.
And life won’t be so great for Reid, either, if he doesn’t try to fix the earlier events of that night because Reid knows if he loses this thing he has with Luke, his amygdala will get all emotional again, and it won’t be in a good way this time.
Reid takes out his phone and is about to dial his favorite number when the phone starts ringing.
Chris Hughes.
Reid walks past Katie’s bedroom and into his own, the phone still ringing in his hand.
He sits on the bed and stares at the lit screen. He’s had enough of Chris Hughes for one day, and he isn’t in the mood to hear more foolish reasons for Chris not seeking help and admitting his condition to his family and Katie.
After the sixth ring-Reid doesn’t have voicemail; the only two people he’d actually call back have his beeper number in case of a real emergency-Reid sighs and answers the phone. “What?”
“Where are you?” Chris demands.
“At home. Why, you need me to poke your ass again?”
“That’s funny,” Chris says, chuckling. “That’s what I thought you might be doing to Luke since you weren’t answering your phone.”
“I wish. Luke does too but thanks to you, my case of blue balls just took a turn for the worse,” Reid says.
“It’s not my fault.”
“The hell it is. You ruined our night.”
“I needed your help,” Chris argues.
“Which I gave to you. Now what do you want?”
“Did you tell Katie?”
“No, I haven’t, but you will,” Reid replies bluntly.
“I will.”
“When?”
“Soon.”
“Sometime before your heart stops and you’re being given your last rites?” Reid asks.
“That’s not gonna happen,” Chris says.
“Your heart is being attacked by a virus, Chris. It’s going to keep deteriorating until you either seek help or it completely shuts down,” Reid says angrily. “I’m speaking as a medical professional so you know I’m right. And I’m not giving you a medical opinion; I’m stating a fact.” He always knew Chris was an idiot; he just never knew the extent of his idiocy.
“Then I’ll get a new heart.”
Reid snorts. “Oh, right, because it’s as easy as ordering take-out from Al’s, I forgot.” Reid shakes his head. “Getting a new heart takes even longer than to see me, if you can believe that.”
“There are ways around that,” Chris says, sounding much too cocky to Reid. “Just ask your boyfriend.”
“What did you say?”
“Ask Luke. His kidney, remember?”
Reid holds the phone closer to his ear as if he suddenly can’t hear Chris. “What?”
Chris is momentarily silent on the other line. “I thought you knew about it,” he says slowly.
Reid tightens the grip on his phone. “What about it?”
“Um, everyone knows. I figured he’d tell you.”
“Tell me what everyone knows, Chris,” Reid demands.
“Well, I just know what I heard,” Chris says before taking a deep breath. “When Luke was fourteen or fifteen, he got an infection and his kidneys were so damaged that he needed a transplant.”
Reid stands. Luke. Kidney transplant.
“No one was a match so a friend of Lily’s found a kidney for Luke so he wouldn’t have to wait a year on the waiting list,” Chris continues. “It wasn’t exactly legal but it saved his life.”
Reid is pacing around his bedroom. Luke. Kidney transplant.
“So, you see, a bad heart doesn’t necessarily mean the end of me. This is Oakdale, Reid. I’ll find a new one.”
Luke. Kidney transplant.
“I have to go, Chris,” Reid says, swallowing several times, his mouth becoming dry as he listened to Chris.
“Okay. And remember, don’t tell Katie anything.”
“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Bye,” Reid says, running a hand roughly through his hair before sitting back down.
Luke had a kidney transplant, Reid’s mind keeps repeating. He holds the phone tightly as he stares at the bare wall straight in front of him. How did I not know this? Why didn’t he tell me?
And then his brain-the frontal lobe this time-starts analyzing and processing the facts:
Anti-rejection medicines. Side effects: diabetes, bone thinning, high blood pressure.
Immunosuppressants for life. Cyclosporine, tacrolimus, sirolimus.
Life expectancy of transplant patients.
Reid quickly stands. No, he won’t go there, he thinks as he begins to pace back and forth again, his heart thumping wildly in his chest. He’s not sure of the exact number of years. Hell, he’s not even sure of an estimate. But he refuses to think about that now. Not yet. Not until he researches kidney transplants and their outcomes. Not until he talks to Luke.
Luke.
Reid frantically punches Luke’s number into the keypad.
“Hello,” Luke says. His voice is distant, and Reid knows Luke is upset about Reid refusing his invitation to stay the night.
“How are you?”
“Lonely,” Luke replies, and Reid almost smiles. He loves how much Luke is like him, how he says what he feels. That’s one thing Noah Mayer couldn’t handle, but Reid likes it just fine.
“So no one’s home yet?” Reid asks. He honestly wants to only ask one question-Why didn’t you tell me about your kidney?-but he can’t seem to, not that he can’t but more like he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t know what Luke will say; he doesn’t know if he can handle the answers that Luke might give him. He’s not prepared, not this soon after discovering that the one person who means more than anything might not be around forever-forever with him, that is, because that’s what Reid wants, hopes for, and he can’t imagine his forever not including Luke Snyder.
Reid rubs his face. No, he won’t think about that yet, no matter how emotional his amygdala is making him feel.
“I’m all alone for the night. I told you.”
“How are you feeling?”
“What?”
“Are you feeling okay?”
Luke is silent on the other end.
“Luke?”
“I’m feeling fine, Reid. What do you want?” Luke asks.
Reid breathes in and out. “Rest. Just rest. And I’ll-I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Will you?” Luke asks quietly.
“Of course I will,” Reid instantly replies. He realizes how upset Luke really is, and he doesn’t like being the cause of it. He sits back down on the bed as he holds the phone even closer to his ear. “Luke, I want to. You know that.” He sighs. “But tonight wasn’t right. There were too many . . . distractions.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Luke says, his voice devoid of anger.
“Aren’t I always?” That elicits a small laugh from Luke, and Reid can’t help but smile. He loves that sound. “So, want to meet for coffee tomorrow?”
“At Java? I thought you didn’t like stepping foot in there on account of you-know-who.”
“It’s fine; I can handle it,” Reid says confidently. As much as he loathed Noah’s name popping up during their date that night, Reid knows he overreacted. He shouldn’t have dismissed Luke so easily.
“Maybe because he doesn’t work there anymore?” Luke asks teasingly. Though Reid can’t see him, he can imagine the smirk on Luke’s pretty face.
“Well, yeah, there’s that,” Reid admits. It’s not that he fears Noah, but he’d rather not run into him. His nose appreciates it.
Luke chuckles. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Good night, Reid.”
“Good night, Luke,” Reid whispers, and just as he opens his mouth again to ask that one particular question, Luke hangs up.
Reid drops the phone beside him and crawls up-still in his shirt and jeans-toward the headboard. He sits against it, legs stretched out, and wraps his arms around a huge, fluffy pillow. He remains in that position, staring at the wall in front of him, and thinks. He thinks about Luke and the incredibly unfair circumstances that Luke has been dealt.
Luke.
His too-generous-for-his-own-good, best-excuse-for-a-human-being boyfriend doesn’t deserve to live at risk because a part of him failed him. He’s had enough failures in his life: Noah, Bad Dad, his parents.
Reid tiredly rubs his eyes. He knows what he must do. He’s not going to fail Luke, and he’s going to make sure that Luke’s kidney doesn’t fail him either. He’s a doctor; he can figure something out. And he’s a genius; he will figure something out.
Reid laughs mirthlessly. Months ago, he wouldn’t have cared about an idiot like Chris or a guy like Luke. Now, though, saving is them is all he wants to do. The autonomic responses associated with fear that his amygdala is producing are too hard to ignore. He can’t lose Luke, and Katie can’t lose Chris.
Damn his brain.
Reid is startled as he wakes to the shrill sound of his alarm clock. He hits the snooze button and sits up. Glancing down at himself, he notices that he’s still dressed. That’s when he remembers what he has to do.
After a shower and shave, Reid dresses and heads to the hospital. For the past few days, he’s been preoccupied with Chris and his life-threatening condition, but today, Operation Don’t Let Dumbo Die-along with Operation Lay Luke, a mission he’s been trying to successfully complete since the second or third time he laid eyes on Luke-will be pushed aside for Operation Kidney II (as the first phase was already carried out and completed by Lily when Luke had his transplant).
Reid arrives at Memorial, careful not to run into the hospital idiot, and rushes to the nephrology unit. He has a few free hours before seeing his first patient, so he’ll use that time to research the nephrologists on staff. Reid remembers being introduced to every doctor, but, as usual, he doesn’t remember their actual names. He sits in an empty on-call room and pores over each doctor’s background before searching for some old colleagues of his in Dallas and Boston. He makes a note to contact them once he’s talked to Luke and knows the exact details of his transplant and current progress.
That’s where Bob Hughes finds him.
“Dr. Oliver? What are you doing in the nephrology wing?”
Reid is tempted to lie and say he’s helping some random patient before realizing that Bob might prove useful. “I’m just doing some research.”
Bob sits in the empty chair next to Reid. “On?”
Reid rubs his eyes. “How qualified is the nephrology staff here?”
Bob slowly nods. “Luke.”
“What do you know about it, Bob?” He rephrases the question when Bob doesn’t answer. “Okay, what can you tell me about it?”
“Luke is doing well. He’s shown no sign of renal failure or complications as far as I know. He hasn’t talked to you about it?”
Reid looks down. “Not yet.”
“Then talk to him, Reid. Only he can tell you what you need to know.” Bob stands. “Keep in mind that the life expectancy rates for transplant recipients get longer every year as long as they don’t put themselves at risk.” He pats Reid’s shoulder. “And transplants are more common than you think. People live long, healthy lives in spite of-or rather, because of them.”
“Why Luke, though?” Reid says. He didn’t mean to say it out loud but, damnit, he wants to know. Regardless of the life expectancy rates that may or not be long, Luke still has an expiration date that will most likely happen before Reid’s (as long as I don’t get hit by a train or piss off the wrong person, he thinks). And he wants to know why. Of all the people he knows, why does it have to be Luke? Reid runs a hand through his hair. Just like out of all parents in the world, why did his have to die? Why is life so fucking unfair sometimes?
Bob shoves his hands into his coat pockets and looks down at Reid, a hint of sadness on his face. “I don’t know.”
Reid exhales sharply before looking up at Bob. “How long do you think Luke has?”
“I’m not his doctor, Reid. Talk to Luke and then maybe the two of you can talk to Dr. Andrews. He’s a wonderful specialist, and he’s been here with us for many years,” Bob answers.
Reid nods. “His record is pretty good.”
“Let me get back to my office and I’ll look through my contacts and send some information your way.”
Reid points to the laptop and files. “Thanks; I’ve got this.”
“But a little more information never hurt anyone, right?” Bob asks, smiling.
Reid smiles after a while. “Right.”
“Luke is strong, you’re strong, and you’re both very stubborn. I have no doubt the two of you can handle this,” says Bob before walking to the door.
Reid suddenly wants to tell Bob the truth about Chris. Bob wants to help Reid save Luke so Reid should help Bob save Chris. “Bob?”
Bob turns around.
And that’s when Reid realizes how difficult this is, wanting to help a loved one but being mostly powerless to do so. He hates that he-in spite of all his skill and expertise-cannot guarantee longevity for Luke’s kidney. And as much as Bob will try to help his son, he won’t be able to save Chris himself. So Reid decides to keep helping Chris in secret . . . for now. “I’ll, uh, start my rounds in a bit.”
“Take your time,” Bob says.
Sometime later in the morning, Reid receives a packet of information from Bob with contact information from top nephrologists and specialists in and outside of the U.S. Bob, knowing how Reid still feels about the quality of Memorial’s care, also provides a list of kidney transplant programs that perform living donor transplants. There is also documentation of recipient cases where young patients lived past their estimated life expectancies, well into the sixties and seventies age range.
The most interesting information Reid finds is about the donation process. Reid has already made it one of his missions in Operation Kidney II to find a viable kidney in the event that Luke might require a second transplant, a not-so-uncommon occurrence among transplant recipients.
By the time the afternoon rolls around, Reid almost feels like a nephrologist himself. He still has a few things to look into, but his amygdala thankfully isn’t producing as much fear in Reid as the night before. He doesn’t feel so helpless or hopeless. And he knows he’ll feel more secure once he talks to Luke at Java later. The operation is put on pause, though, when Reid bumps into Chris.
Reid isn’t surprised that Chris is acting like an even bigger idiot that day, still refusing to see a cardiologist and now requesting that Reid help medicate him in the privacy of a hotel room. Reid wants to refuse-he does initially-but then he remembers Luke and Bob and Katie, so Reid agrees.
He almost wishes he didn’t later, though, when Luke confronts him and accuses him of cheating after secretly meeting with Chris. Reid wants to laugh because the thought of him cheating is too ridiculous for words. If Luke knew how upset and desperate Reid’s been all night and day trying to find a way to keep him alive for a long, long time, Luke wouldn’t be so quick to believe Noah. Talking about Noah or Chris is the last thing Reid wants to do so he denies the lie and quickly drops the subject. Reid is really only worried about one thing, so much so that he almost skips the trustees’ party so he and Luke could sit down privately and discuss Operation Kidney II. But then he thinks about the importance of becoming Chief of Staff and how he’ll be able to hire and attract the top specialists in the field of nephrology and have access to a lot more critical information to help Luke once he’s the head honcho. So Reid decides to go and talk to Luke later.
But after Luke accuses him of secrets and lies at the party, Reid knows it’s kidney-talk time. He even confesses the truth about Chris because he trusts Luke, trusts him more than anyone, and he’s hoping Luke will be able to trust him too with his kidney story.
“I think we should talk to him together. Two against one could force him to seek the help he needs,” Luke says as Reid parks his car in the Snyder residence driveway.
Reid shrugs, not really thinking about Chris. They’re finally alone, and Reid knows what he has to do. “Luke, can we stop talking about Chris?”
Luke looks curiously at him. “Sure, but isn’t this why you told me the truth, so I can help you? I’m only suggesting-”
“No, I know,” Reid interrupts, “and I appreciate it, but there’s something else I need to talk to you about.”
Luke unbuckles his seat belt and shifts in his seat to look at Reid. “What is it?”
Reid unbuttons the top buttons on his shirt. It’s suddenly very warm in the car. “Can we go inside?”
Luke quickly glances at the house and then back at Reid. “Um, my mom’s home, the kids too.”
Reid shakes his head. “Relax, Luke, I only want to talk.”
Luke smiles and opens the passenger door. “Let’s go.”
Reid tries not to laugh as Luke rolls his eyes when Lily enthusiastically greets him. Luke mentioned that he’d told her about Reid once calling her a ‘hottie,’ and ever since then, Lily grins like a schoolgirl and even blushes on occasion when she sees Reid.
“We’ll be upstairs, Mom,” Luke mutters as he drags Reid away from Lily.
“I’ll be down here in case you two need anything,” Lily says, settling on the couch.
Luke shuts the bedroom door behind them and removes his jacket.
“You sure we don’t have to leave the door open?” Reid teases Luke. It never fails to amuse him that he’s in a relationship with someone so young who still lives at home with his mother.
“Shut up,” Luke says, sitting down on his bed. “Do you want anything to drink?”
Reid sits next to him. “I’m good.”
Luke stares lovingly at Reid, something Reid has not experienced since his parents. Reid cannot imagine anyone other than Luke looking at him like that. And that’s why he can’t lose Luke. He won’t.
“You were really great tonight,” Luke says.
Reid smiles.
Luke squeezes his arm. “I know you’re worried about Chris, but you have to stay focused on getting the Chief of Staff position. I’ll help you deal with Chris.”
“Just worry about yourself, Luke,” Reid says. He has no idea how else to start the discussion.
Luke wrinkles his brows. “What do you mean?”
“Earlier, when we were talking about trust-”
“Reid, I know I shouldn’t have believed Noah. I’m sorry.”
Reid takes Luke’s hand in his. “No, Luke, it’s not about that. I-I trust you, Luke. I wouldn’t have told you about Chris otherwise. You know you’re the only one I’ve told. I just want to be sure you trust me.”
“I do,” Luke replies quickly.
“You haven’t told me all your secrets.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The secret of your scar, Luke. You have one, don’t you? Why haven’t you told me?”
Luke pulls his hand back. “Katie?”
“No.”
After a few seconds of silence, Luke says, “I was going to tell you.”
“When?”
“Soon, I-I don’t know,” Luke whispers.
“Luke, it’s a big part of who you are,” Reid says softly. “Why didn’t you want me to know?”
Luke sighs. “I think you know why. Yes, it’s a part of me, but it’s a part I don’t like to think about. It’s a part I wish I didn’t have to think about.”
Reid understands.
“It reminds me that I have limits, and you know how I hate anything limiting me,” Luke says with a soft laugh.
Reid smiles.
“I like living in the now without worrying about the future.”
Reid’s smile disappears. That’s not what he expected Luke to say. “How long?”
“Fifteen years.”
Reid tilts his head back as he processes that information. “That’s my age.”
Luke smiles weakly. “I know. I’ll be an old man.”
But Reid doesn’t think it’s funny at all. “So you’re just going to accept the inevitable?” he asks, certain Luke knows what he’s unfortunately referring to.
“Dr. Andrews says that’s just an estimate. It could be longer, and it might be as long as I take care of myself.”
“You take your meds? Every day?”
“Of course. And I don’t drink anymore and I never will again,” Luke continues. “And he said not to put myself at risk or in danger.”
“Isn’t that kind of hard given the multiple kidnappings and hit-and-runs that you endure at least annually?” Reid says with a slight smirk.
Luke laughs. “Yes, but I’ve noticed that I’ve been pretty safe since I’ve been with you so hopefully that can continue.”
Reid is trying to be optimistic. “So how’d you get it?”
“The infection in Mexico and the kidney from some anonymous donor.”
“You seriously don’t know where it came from?”
“My mom’s boyfriend at the time found it so I wouldn’t have to wait long, not that I could anyway. I fell into a coma and no one was a match so I was lucky he found it.”
“And it was a good kidney?”
“Well, they wouldn’t have put it in me if it wasn’t,” Luke replies matter-of-factly.
“Good point.” He clears his throat. “But what if . . . something happens? If you need another? You could spend years on the waiting list and then it might be too late and there’s nothing we can do it about then unless your mom suddenly starts dating another guy with black-market connections.”
Luke touches Reid’s face. “Reid, Reid, it’s okay.”
Reid pushes Luke’s hand away. “No, Luke, it’s not okay. I can’t-you can’t-I, I got tested and I’m not a match. I’m sorry.”
“What? How’d you get tested?”
“Don’t worry, I didn’t look at your file. Before Noah had his surgery, we asked you and your parents to donate blood in case he needed it, remember? I checked his file and your blood type and we’re not compatible.”
“Reid.”
Reid puts his head between his hands. “I was ready for all the tests, Luke: tissue typing, crossmatching, an antibody screen, an arteriogram, but they told me it was no use.” He looks at Luke. “For the first time in my life, I actually wish I was a different type of doctor.”
“Reid, stop,” Luke whispers, slowly shaking his head.
“I can’t, Luke! I need a plan. We need a plan.” He can’t understand how Luke can be so calm about his future-their future.
“Reid, I do have one.”
“What, not drinking and not getting kidnapped?”
Luke laughs, but he becomes serious when he sees that Reid isn’t smiling. “Reid, my body can only do so much and that’s why I’m careful. I am. But just in case I ever do need another kidney, I have one already. It’s a match and it’ll be given to me as soon as I need it.”
“Bad Dad?”
Luke shakes his head. “I know I’m not supposed to mention his name but it’s Noah. Noah’s a match. He got tested when I told a few months after we got together.”
Reid knows it’s not the best time to feel jealous, but he does. That Noah can help save Luke’s life when he can’t frustrates him. But he’ll have to live with that if it means saving Luke’s life. Still, he has to ask. “And I bet he promised he’d give it to you when he thought you’d be together forever?”
“Well, yes, but he’d give it to me if I needed it tomorrow, I’m sure of it.”
“Really? Because he’s still pissed about us and everything that happened.”
“Reid, Noah’s not evil. He promised and I believe him,” Luke says firmly.
“Good thing you told me because I was going to call him about the little rumor he started earlier,” Reid says. He sighs. “This means I’m going to have to be nice to him from now on, huh?”
“Noah’s promise has nothing to do with us, Reid.”
“Still, he’s willing to save your life. I won’t become his best friend but I guess I can refer him to a few good doctors for when he goes to L.A.”
“That’d be nice.”
Reid stares at Luke. He might not have the best plan, but it’s something. It’s hope, something Reid didn’t have the night before.
“I’d give you both kidneys if I could,” Reid says. And he means it.
Luke nods. “Just like I know you’d give Chris your heart if you could.”
“All right, let’s not go that far,” Reid says with a laugh. “I would give him my brain, though.”
Luke laughs, and Reid’s amygdala increases its emotional activity even more. Reid honestly can’t imagine living life without that laugh, the smile, this guy. And Reid knows what he has to do; he will tell Luke soon about what he feels and wants and hopes for.
Tonight, Reid is comforted that he’s not going to lose Luke tomorrow. Or the day after. Reid only hopes Katie can say the same about Chris because losing someone or faced with the possibility of losing someone-both things Reid has experienced-are the biggest fears the brain can produce and the worst.
Reid holds Luke’s face in his hands and vows then and there not to lose him. If that means he has to be nice to Noah Mayer and guard Luke from possible kidnappers and keep him out of a hospital bed, then Reid will do it.
Reid didn’t choose to fall in love, but he did so he’s going to do everything he can to hold on to it, and no kidney is going to stop him.