Louder Than Thunder [15]
Title: Louder Than Thunder [15]
Author: Jess>>>> bangxbangxdie7
Pairing:Micah/Jack and Stevie/Shaun *Original characters (link below)
Rating: PG-13ish
POV: Third
Summary: Micah and Shaun are two totally different guys with very different lives. One thing they share is a boyfriend with cancer. When they meet, they help each other cope even though they sometimes feel guilty about it...
Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't copy.
Author Note: Hey guys this is my new story =] I love you, and I hope you like it <33 Please comment?
Characters. / Info.
What would it take,
for things to be quiet,
quiet like the snow.
And I know this isn't much but...
I know I could be better.
I don't think I deserve it, selflessness.
Find your way into my heart.
All stars could be brighter.
All hearts could be warmer.
Are we meant to be empty handed?
Don't think about chances we're taking.
The list goes on and on...
dance until the band stops playing.
We found ourselves.
'Of course I remember you. I'm so sorry to hear the bad news. But it's all going to be okay, Shaun. If you want, we can meet up somewhere and talk about it. Just let me know. -Micah'
Shaun bit his lip as he read the text he got the previous night. He did want to talk about what was going on. But he didn't think he could meet up with Micah, his time was devoted to Stevie. He was with Stevie every second, or that's what he tried for. He didn't like leaving his side. He didn't know how much time he had left with him; even though he hated thinking about that.
He never wanted to think about the worst that could happen. A few months ago it was all butterflies and rainbows and there wasn't anything that could break he and Stevie up. He never thought about death being the cause of them not being together anymore. He didn't think it would be possible this early in their lives together. And nothing in the world made him more sad.
'Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I'm not sure when I can leave Stevie's house, but I think I'll wait until he falls asleep for the night. I would understand if you don't want to, but you can come over my house tonight. If not I totally get it, just let me know when and where you feel comfortable meeting up. -Shaun
Stevie was lying down on Shaun's belly, dozing off slightly. "Who ya texting, baby? The only person you ever text is me. Got someone else on the side I don't know about?" He joked, looking up at his boyfriend.
Shaun leaned down and kissed Stevie's forehead. "Of course not, angel. It's my cousin actually. You know, Jenny. She's coming up from Florida next weekend so, she's just keeping in check with me."
Stevie yawned and nodded his head. "I like Jenny. Wait, did I even meet her? She's tall, almost taller than me. And kinda chunky- no offense. That's the one, right?"
Shaun felt incredibly bad for lying to Stevie, but what else was he supposed to say? He couldn't tell him the truth. He couldn't come out and say, 'Oh it's some guy I met at the hospital who happens to be really hot and older and Australian and muscular.' It just wouldn't go over so well.
"Yeah that's her. I think she lost a bit of weight though. But...I don't have to hang out with her while she's here. I need to stay focused on you, sweetie. And don't try to tell me otherwise. You have your...you know what on Friday and I'm not going to ditch you for my cousin. Okay?"
Stevie's mom talked to his doctor and they both decided that Friday was the best day to perform the operation. Stevie didn't want it at all, but it was going to relieve his pain, so it had to be done. There was nothing he could really do about it.
"Well if you want to spend time with her, go ahead. I'll be out of it when I come out of surgery anyway, I would think. I wouldn't even remember if you were there or not. Besides, Jenny only visits once every few months so...it's only fair."
Shaun rubbed at Stevie's small, frail arms. "She's not what's most important to me right now. Maybe she'll sleepover my house one night and that will be that. Let's not dwell on this, baby. How about we watch a show, or do something calm. I know you're sleepy today."
Stevie sat up and leaned his head on his lover. "We don't have to lounge around all day, just because of me. I can muster up some energy and cook something or play a game. Shaun, I don't want to slow you down, and I don't want you to let me slow you down. Besides, we still have a bet going on. Did you think I'd forget?"
Shaun smirked. "I'll bet you want to get laid before the weekend don't you? If you do, all you have to do is say I win, you know."
Stevie smiled and kissed Shaun's cheek. "Why don't we go up to my room and fool around- above the waist, and see where that takes us, huh?" He raised his eyebrows.
Shaun felt his phone vibrate, and he decided to leave it be for now. He had sex on the brain.
'That's perfect. Jack usually goes to sleep early, 'round 9. Just give me directions and I'll be there. No worries, really. Only here to help.'
"That sounds great, sugar. But I can say with much confidence that you will lose. Just sayin. Not like you're not sexy as hell and all, but you'll be the one begging to fuck me. You'll see. Come on, gonna make me drag you?"
The younger boy stood up, and strutted his stuff up the stairs, looking back at his boyfriend with devilish eyes. The kind of eyes that Shaun could never resist.
Shaun chased him up the stairs and attacked him with his lips when they reached their destination. There was an animal inside Shaun that came out when he was sexually aroused. Normally Shaun acted like an innocent little human being, but once his dick got hard it was a totally different story.
The older boy pulled his boyfriend's shirt off and kissed his collar bone, moving his lips downwards quickly. Stevie closed his eyes and ran his hand through Shaun's long dark hair. He pulled slightly when Shaun reached the border of his pants.
"Come on, Shaun, you know you want it," Stevie breathed, looking down at his lover.
Shaun took off his own shirt and threw it elsewhere. "Nice try," he muttered and pushed Stevie backwards onto his bed. "Take off your pants, baby." He kissed Stevie again. "No tricks, I'll take mine off too. C'mon just go with it."
Stevie apprehensively took his jeans off and waiting for Shaun to do the same. Shaun looked directly into Stevie's eyes while he did so, removing his boxer-briefs as well.
It was hard for Stevie not to stare; but he loved looking at Shaun naked. And he was curious as to where he was going with it.
Shaun sucked two fingers in his mouth while Stevie shook his head. The older boy nodded, with a sinister grin on his face as he dragged his hand down, and placed both fingers at his entrance. Shaun scooted closer to his boyfriend and inserted both of his digits.
"Oh Stevie..." he moaned, closing his eyes and panting dramatically. "Fuck me..." he started to whimper and whine, opening his eyes every so often to see Stevie in complete shock. "Please, Steven, fuck me."
Stevie stared wide-eyed, loving the imagine in front of him just as much as he resented the fact that Shaun was doing such a horrible thing to him. His erection was starting to become bothersome. Shaun never called Stevie by his full name, ever. The younger teen usually hated it, but in this case? It was his favorite.
"S-Shaun...holy shit. You have n-no idea what you're doing to me right now. Do you know how hot you look?"
Shaun nodded, conceded. "Mhm. So fuck me," he pushed his fingers in deeper and moaned with much pleasure as he did so. "...I'm begging for it, baby. Please don't make me fuck myself, Steven."
Stevie decided that in that moment, the bet meant nothing. He pushed Shaun's hand away swiftly and pounced on him like a lion on a zebra. He pulled down his boxers and kicked them off. He wasn't gentle with the boy, and he knew he didn't need to be.
"Yes!" Shaun screamed when his boyfriend was finally inside of him. "...oh fuck yeah, Stevie..." he clawed at the teen's back and spread his legs a bit more to make it easier.
Stevie held on to one of Shaun's legs, and leaned down to kiss him. "You like that?" he asked rhetorically.
"Mhm, yes, keep going..." he grabbed onto his erection and started to stroke himself. "Harder baby, please..."
Stevie could hardly think straight. Shaun had never done something like that. He never needed to. But it was so thrilling to the younger boy for some reason, to watch Shaun play with himself...the way that Stevie would; it was just so hot. He thought he'd have to make bets more often, if this would be the end result.
Their encounter tired Stevie out to the maximum. Shaun wasn't hard to please, not at all, but he definitely had the best stamina a young man could have.
"Oh my God I love you," Shaun panted, laughing into his boyfriend's chest. "That was...the hottest, steamiest, greatest sex we've ever had. Agree?"
Stevie could only nod and make a noise that didn't equivocate to anything.
"But you know angel, you did lose the bet. So next time we fuck, you're under my control. Got it?"
Stevie nodded silently. "Good. Now- let's rest. I'm tired too."
~
Jack put the finishing touches on his dinner dish he had been preparing for the past half hour. He wasn't sure if it was going to taste good, because he never made it before. Micah always did, and he kept the recipe lying around the house. It wasn't a hard list to follow, Jack just didn't have the same knack for cooking like his partner did.
He wanted to do something nice for Micah for being so supportive. He couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend.
"I hope this comes out alright. Maybe more cheese?" Jack always talked to himself when he was unsure.
He added more parmesan cheese to the pasta and tasted it. It was decent, not as good as Micah made it, but he thought it was good enough.
He waited around for a few more minutes until Micah arrived home from work. He seemed like he was in such a good mood.
"Hey sweetheart, you look so happy. Good day at work?" Jack said happily, kissing his boyfriend's cheek.
The taller man hugged Jack and kissed his lips. "Yes, a very good day. There are certain days where I love my job. I really helped a lot of people today. No one who didn't deserve it though. But the best part about my day is coming home to you. That is what I look forward to, no matter what. How was your day?"
Jack beamed at Micah and hugged him again. "My day was good as well. I talked to Ian on the phone for a little bit, thank goodness he has a cell phone. He'll probably come over again over the weekend if that's okay. Oh and I made fettuccini alfredo for dinner, hope you enjoy it. I really tried.”
Micah took off his jacket and hung it up on a coat rack. "You shouldn't have, Jack. You've been pushing yourself these past couple days. But I do give you tons and tons of credit. You are the strongest man I know. You're the best," he smiled. "...you didn't eat without me though, did ya?"
The younger man shook his head. "Of course not. I will always wait for you. Silly. Come on lets eat before it gets cold, it should still be warm. See, when you make it, it only takes a few minutes but when I made it, it took me forever because I wasn't familiar with it and whatnot. So I only finished the whole thing like ten minutes ago. So yeah."
Jack was so cute when he tried to explain things. Adorable.
They sat down at the table which was already set with pasta on their plates and water in their glasses. Of course, a loaf of Italian bread as well, Jack would never forget his favorite part of a meal.
"Oh wow, this is amazing," Micah said after his first bite. "Really, I'm not joking. You make it better than I do. Perfect amount of everything. Great job, Jack. If you're feeling up to it, you should cook more often."
Jack blushed. "It's not that great. It's not as good as yours, don't try to flatter me. Flattery will get you nowhere, remember?"
Micah smirked. He used to say that to Jack as a joke all the time. Because Jack would never stop giving Micah compliments. About his hair, eyes, teeth, smile, body, or anything else he could think of at the moment that looked exceptionally good that day.
"Well said. Now hush up and eat your food before I do."
After dinner Micah did all the cleaning up and putting away of the dishes, even though he worked a full day he wasn't expecting Jack to cook and clean. He'd be way too tired. He knew this because he was way too tired all the time.
'Jack just fell asleep, I'll be on my way in a few. That alright?'
Micah tucked his lover in and kissed his nose. It was barely 9, and he was out like a light. Micah tried to comprehend what it was like, to not be physically able to stay up past a certain hour. He thought Jack must have felt like a child. Embarrassed. But it wasn't that way. Not at all. Nobody could have had any idea how chemo affected people unless they were living it. Micah would just never know.
'Yeah that's great, I'll be leaving soon too. Thanks again for coming.'
Micah felt bad that he was leaving Jack alone in their house, but he knew that there was a good chance that Jack would sleep throughout the night without waking up. He only hoped that was the case. Not only would he feel guilty about leaving, he'd feel terrible if he woke up and needed something.
But he had to go and talk to Shaun. The boy needed him. So he got in his Land Rover and drove to the address Shaun gave him via text.
The shorter man answered the door with a half grin on his face. "Here, come in. I'll take your coat."
Micah looked around and gave Shaun his peacoat. "Where are your parents...or do you live alone?"
Shaun shrugged. "They always go on vacations. I think they're in Aruba. Or something like that. But it doesn't matter. I- I just want to talk about Stevie. I mean, I shouldn't ignore your questions I'm sorry I-"
Micah held up his hand. "Shaun, it's okay. You don't have to answer my questions. They aren't what's important right now," he pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down, feeling that it was appropriate.
Shaun sat at the head of the table so he was diagonal to the man.
"Stevie has his surgery in a few days, and he's scared. And he feels like he's gonna die. And I don't want him to feel that way. But there's nothing I can do, is there? But there has to be. I can't sit there and hold his hand, watching him go through everything, watch him get worse and worse and I- I don't even want to think about it. What can I do?"
Micah's eyes turned soft quickly. "Shaun, it's normal for Stevie to be scared. Everyone gets scared. And...you don't have a specific role in his cancer- you don't have to play in to anything. If you're scared, you can show him. I- I don't show my fear in front of Jack, because I feel I need to be strong for him. But you, you don't have to be like me. Everyone reacts differently. And I'll tell you something, cancer patient or not, boyfriends' don't like to be lied to or treated like babies. Sometimes saying the right thing isn't the right thing to do. Do you understand?"
Shaun's lip quivered. "So I should let my guard down? I already did that. Multiple times. I pretty much cry on him while he's asleep. One time I woke him up that way. I think no matter what approach I take...nothing is going to ease his pain. What am I gonna do if they can't help him?"
The older man scoots his chair in. "As much as you don't want to hear this, I've got to say it. Shaun, his worst days haven't come yet. There will be days where he looks like death, where he looks gone, distant, emotionless. He may refuse to get out of bed, eat, or do anything. Jack had his moments, he hasn't always been this brave. I remember when he was about 19, I used to hold him in my arms and let him cry himself to sleep each night. But he grew from it, Shaun. He got older, stronger, better. Stevie will learn to cope. It isn't all on you. You just have to be there for him. That's it. I promise."
Shaun smiled a bit. "I can do that. I told him that. He believes me. I just wish there was more I could do. I just want him to be better. He doesn't deserve this, Jack doesn't deserve this, no one does. They are both so young- it isn't fair, it isn't supposed to end like this for them. It won't. I won't let it and you won't either right?"
Micah nodded. "Jack has been fighting for years. We've been through hell and back and back again. He hasn't fought this hard for the cancer to win. And I pray to God that Stevie doesn't have long to go to beat his. But we are strong, just like them, Shaun," he placed a friendly hand on top of the boys. "I'll let you in on a little secret. The one thing that always keeps Jack and I motivated...is thinking about our future. We think about how one day when Jack's better we'll do all sorts of things. Just thinking about that gets me through each day, I swear it. So just think about that and everything will feel okay. Can you do that?"
"Of course."
Author: Jess>>>> bangxbangxdie7
Pairing:Micah/Jack and Stevie/Shaun *Original characters (link below)
Rating: PG-13ish
POV: Third
Summary: Micah and Shaun are two totally different guys with very different lives. One thing they share is a boyfriend with cancer. When they meet, they help each other cope even though they sometimes feel guilty about it...
Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't copy.
Author Note: Hey guys this is my new story =] I love you, and I hope you like it <33 Please comment?
Characters. / Info.
What would it take,
for things to be quiet,
quiet like the snow.
And I know this isn't much but...
I know I could be better.
I don't think I deserve it, selflessness.
Find your way into my heart.
All stars could be brighter.
All hearts could be warmer.
Are we meant to be empty handed?
Don't think about chances we're taking.
The list goes on and on...
dance until the band stops playing.
We found ourselves.
'Of course I remember you. I'm so sorry to hear the bad news. But it's all going to be okay, Shaun. If you want, we can meet up somewhere and talk about it. Just let me know. -Micah'
Shaun bit his lip as he read the text he got the previous night. He did want to talk about what was going on. But he didn't think he could meet up with Micah, his time was devoted to Stevie. He was with Stevie every second, or that's what he tried for. He didn't like leaving his side. He didn't know how much time he had left with him; even though he hated thinking about that.
He never wanted to think about the worst that could happen. A few months ago it was all butterflies and rainbows and there wasn't anything that could break he and Stevie up. He never thought about death being the cause of them not being together anymore. He didn't think it would be possible this early in their lives together. And nothing in the world made him more sad.
'Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I'm not sure when I can leave Stevie's house, but I think I'll wait until he falls asleep for the night. I would understand if you don't want to, but you can come over my house tonight. If not I totally get it, just let me know when and where you feel comfortable meeting up. -Shaun
Stevie was lying down on Shaun's belly, dozing off slightly. "Who ya texting, baby? The only person you ever text is me. Got someone else on the side I don't know about?" He joked, looking up at his boyfriend.
Shaun leaned down and kissed Stevie's forehead. "Of course not, angel. It's my cousin actually. You know, Jenny. She's coming up from Florida next weekend so, she's just keeping in check with me."
Stevie yawned and nodded his head. "I like Jenny. Wait, did I even meet her? She's tall, almost taller than me. And kinda chunky- no offense. That's the one, right?"
Shaun felt incredibly bad for lying to Stevie, but what else was he supposed to say? He couldn't tell him the truth. He couldn't come out and say, 'Oh it's some guy I met at the hospital who happens to be really hot and older and Australian and muscular.' It just wouldn't go over so well.
"Yeah that's her. I think she lost a bit of weight though. But...I don't have to hang out with her while she's here. I need to stay focused on you, sweetie. And don't try to tell me otherwise. You have your...you know what on Friday and I'm not going to ditch you for my cousin. Okay?"
Stevie's mom talked to his doctor and they both decided that Friday was the best day to perform the operation. Stevie didn't want it at all, but it was going to relieve his pain, so it had to be done. There was nothing he could really do about it.
"Well if you want to spend time with her, go ahead. I'll be out of it when I come out of surgery anyway, I would think. I wouldn't even remember if you were there or not. Besides, Jenny only visits once every few months so...it's only fair."
Shaun rubbed at Stevie's small, frail arms. "She's not what's most important to me right now. Maybe she'll sleepover my house one night and that will be that. Let's not dwell on this, baby. How about we watch a show, or do something calm. I know you're sleepy today."
Stevie sat up and leaned his head on his lover. "We don't have to lounge around all day, just because of me. I can muster up some energy and cook something or play a game. Shaun, I don't want to slow you down, and I don't want you to let me slow you down. Besides, we still have a bet going on. Did you think I'd forget?"
Shaun smirked. "I'll bet you want to get laid before the weekend don't you? If you do, all you have to do is say I win, you know."
Stevie smiled and kissed Shaun's cheek. "Why don't we go up to my room and fool around- above the waist, and see where that takes us, huh?" He raised his eyebrows.
Shaun felt his phone vibrate, and he decided to leave it be for now. He had sex on the brain.
'That's perfect. Jack usually goes to sleep early, 'round 9. Just give me directions and I'll be there. No worries, really. Only here to help.'
"That sounds great, sugar. But I can say with much confidence that you will lose. Just sayin. Not like you're not sexy as hell and all, but you'll be the one begging to fuck me. You'll see. Come on, gonna make me drag you?"
The younger boy stood up, and strutted his stuff up the stairs, looking back at his boyfriend with devilish eyes. The kind of eyes that Shaun could never resist.
Shaun chased him up the stairs and attacked him with his lips when they reached their destination. There was an animal inside Shaun that came out when he was sexually aroused. Normally Shaun acted like an innocent little human being, but once his dick got hard it was a totally different story.
The older boy pulled his boyfriend's shirt off and kissed his collar bone, moving his lips downwards quickly. Stevie closed his eyes and ran his hand through Shaun's long dark hair. He pulled slightly when Shaun reached the border of his pants.
"Come on, Shaun, you know you want it," Stevie breathed, looking down at his lover.
Shaun took off his own shirt and threw it elsewhere. "Nice try," he muttered and pushed Stevie backwards onto his bed. "Take off your pants, baby." He kissed Stevie again. "No tricks, I'll take mine off too. C'mon just go with it."
Stevie apprehensively took his jeans off and waiting for Shaun to do the same. Shaun looked directly into Stevie's eyes while he did so, removing his boxer-briefs as well.
It was hard for Stevie not to stare; but he loved looking at Shaun naked. And he was curious as to where he was going with it.
Shaun sucked two fingers in his mouth while Stevie shook his head. The older boy nodded, with a sinister grin on his face as he dragged his hand down, and placed both fingers at his entrance. Shaun scooted closer to his boyfriend and inserted both of his digits.
"Oh Stevie..." he moaned, closing his eyes and panting dramatically. "Fuck me..." he started to whimper and whine, opening his eyes every so often to see Stevie in complete shock. "Please, Steven, fuck me."
Stevie stared wide-eyed, loving the imagine in front of him just as much as he resented the fact that Shaun was doing such a horrible thing to him. His erection was starting to become bothersome. Shaun never called Stevie by his full name, ever. The younger teen usually hated it, but in this case? It was his favorite.
"S-Shaun...holy shit. You have n-no idea what you're doing to me right now. Do you know how hot you look?"
Shaun nodded, conceded. "Mhm. So fuck me," he pushed his fingers in deeper and moaned with much pleasure as he did so. "...I'm begging for it, baby. Please don't make me fuck myself, Steven."
Stevie decided that in that moment, the bet meant nothing. He pushed Shaun's hand away swiftly and pounced on him like a lion on a zebra. He pulled down his boxers and kicked them off. He wasn't gentle with the boy, and he knew he didn't need to be.
"Yes!" Shaun screamed when his boyfriend was finally inside of him. "...oh fuck yeah, Stevie..." he clawed at the teen's back and spread his legs a bit more to make it easier.
Stevie held on to one of Shaun's legs, and leaned down to kiss him. "You like that?" he asked rhetorically.
"Mhm, yes, keep going..." he grabbed onto his erection and started to stroke himself. "Harder baby, please..."
Stevie could hardly think straight. Shaun had never done something like that. He never needed to. But it was so thrilling to the younger boy for some reason, to watch Shaun play with himself...the way that Stevie would; it was just so hot. He thought he'd have to make bets more often, if this would be the end result.
Their encounter tired Stevie out to the maximum. Shaun wasn't hard to please, not at all, but he definitely had the best stamina a young man could have.
"Oh my God I love you," Shaun panted, laughing into his boyfriend's chest. "That was...the hottest, steamiest, greatest sex we've ever had. Agree?"
Stevie could only nod and make a noise that didn't equivocate to anything.
"But you know angel, you did lose the bet. So next time we fuck, you're under my control. Got it?"
Stevie nodded silently. "Good. Now- let's rest. I'm tired too."
~
Jack put the finishing touches on his dinner dish he had been preparing for the past half hour. He wasn't sure if it was going to taste good, because he never made it before. Micah always did, and he kept the recipe lying around the house. It wasn't a hard list to follow, Jack just didn't have the same knack for cooking like his partner did.
He wanted to do something nice for Micah for being so supportive. He couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend.
"I hope this comes out alright. Maybe more cheese?" Jack always talked to himself when he was unsure.
He added more parmesan cheese to the pasta and tasted it. It was decent, not as good as Micah made it, but he thought it was good enough.
He waited around for a few more minutes until Micah arrived home from work. He seemed like he was in such a good mood.
"Hey sweetheart, you look so happy. Good day at work?" Jack said happily, kissing his boyfriend's cheek.
The taller man hugged Jack and kissed his lips. "Yes, a very good day. There are certain days where I love my job. I really helped a lot of people today. No one who didn't deserve it though. But the best part about my day is coming home to you. That is what I look forward to, no matter what. How was your day?"
Jack beamed at Micah and hugged him again. "My day was good as well. I talked to Ian on the phone for a little bit, thank goodness he has a cell phone. He'll probably come over again over the weekend if that's okay. Oh and I made fettuccini alfredo for dinner, hope you enjoy it. I really tried.”
Micah took off his jacket and hung it up on a coat rack. "You shouldn't have, Jack. You've been pushing yourself these past couple days. But I do give you tons and tons of credit. You are the strongest man I know. You're the best," he smiled. "...you didn't eat without me though, did ya?"
The younger man shook his head. "Of course not. I will always wait for you. Silly. Come on lets eat before it gets cold, it should still be warm. See, when you make it, it only takes a few minutes but when I made it, it took me forever because I wasn't familiar with it and whatnot. So I only finished the whole thing like ten minutes ago. So yeah."
Jack was so cute when he tried to explain things. Adorable.
They sat down at the table which was already set with pasta on their plates and water in their glasses. Of course, a loaf of Italian bread as well, Jack would never forget his favorite part of a meal.
"Oh wow, this is amazing," Micah said after his first bite. "Really, I'm not joking. You make it better than I do. Perfect amount of everything. Great job, Jack. If you're feeling up to it, you should cook more often."
Jack blushed. "It's not that great. It's not as good as yours, don't try to flatter me. Flattery will get you nowhere, remember?"
Micah smirked. He used to say that to Jack as a joke all the time. Because Jack would never stop giving Micah compliments. About his hair, eyes, teeth, smile, body, or anything else he could think of at the moment that looked exceptionally good that day.
"Well said. Now hush up and eat your food before I do."
After dinner Micah did all the cleaning up and putting away of the dishes, even though he worked a full day he wasn't expecting Jack to cook and clean. He'd be way too tired. He knew this because he was way too tired all the time.
'Jack just fell asleep, I'll be on my way in a few. That alright?'
Micah tucked his lover in and kissed his nose. It was barely 9, and he was out like a light. Micah tried to comprehend what it was like, to not be physically able to stay up past a certain hour. He thought Jack must have felt like a child. Embarrassed. But it wasn't that way. Not at all. Nobody could have had any idea how chemo affected people unless they were living it. Micah would just never know.
'Yeah that's great, I'll be leaving soon too. Thanks again for coming.'
Micah felt bad that he was leaving Jack alone in their house, but he knew that there was a good chance that Jack would sleep throughout the night without waking up. He only hoped that was the case. Not only would he feel guilty about leaving, he'd feel terrible if he woke up and needed something.
But he had to go and talk to Shaun. The boy needed him. So he got in his Land Rover and drove to the address Shaun gave him via text.
The shorter man answered the door with a half grin on his face. "Here, come in. I'll take your coat."
Micah looked around and gave Shaun his peacoat. "Where are your parents...or do you live alone?"
Shaun shrugged. "They always go on vacations. I think they're in Aruba. Or something like that. But it doesn't matter. I- I just want to talk about Stevie. I mean, I shouldn't ignore your questions I'm sorry I-"
Micah held up his hand. "Shaun, it's okay. You don't have to answer my questions. They aren't what's important right now," he pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down, feeling that it was appropriate.
Shaun sat at the head of the table so he was diagonal to the man.
"Stevie has his surgery in a few days, and he's scared. And he feels like he's gonna die. And I don't want him to feel that way. But there's nothing I can do, is there? But there has to be. I can't sit there and hold his hand, watching him go through everything, watch him get worse and worse and I- I don't even want to think about it. What can I do?"
Micah's eyes turned soft quickly. "Shaun, it's normal for Stevie to be scared. Everyone gets scared. And...you don't have a specific role in his cancer- you don't have to play in to anything. If you're scared, you can show him. I- I don't show my fear in front of Jack, because I feel I need to be strong for him. But you, you don't have to be like me. Everyone reacts differently. And I'll tell you something, cancer patient or not, boyfriends' don't like to be lied to or treated like babies. Sometimes saying the right thing isn't the right thing to do. Do you understand?"
Shaun's lip quivered. "So I should let my guard down? I already did that. Multiple times. I pretty much cry on him while he's asleep. One time I woke him up that way. I think no matter what approach I take...nothing is going to ease his pain. What am I gonna do if they can't help him?"
The older man scoots his chair in. "As much as you don't want to hear this, I've got to say it. Shaun, his worst days haven't come yet. There will be days where he looks like death, where he looks gone, distant, emotionless. He may refuse to get out of bed, eat, or do anything. Jack had his moments, he hasn't always been this brave. I remember when he was about 19, I used to hold him in my arms and let him cry himself to sleep each night. But he grew from it, Shaun. He got older, stronger, better. Stevie will learn to cope. It isn't all on you. You just have to be there for him. That's it. I promise."
Shaun smiled a bit. "I can do that. I told him that. He believes me. I just wish there was more I could do. I just want him to be better. He doesn't deserve this, Jack doesn't deserve this, no one does. They are both so young- it isn't fair, it isn't supposed to end like this for them. It won't. I won't let it and you won't either right?"
Micah nodded. "Jack has been fighting for years. We've been through hell and back and back again. He hasn't fought this hard for the cancer to win. And I pray to God that Stevie doesn't have long to go to beat his. But we are strong, just like them, Shaun," he placed a friendly hand on top of the boys. "I'll let you in on a little secret. The one thing that always keeps Jack and I motivated...is thinking about our future. We think about how one day when Jack's better we'll do all sorts of things. Just thinking about that gets me through each day, I swear it. So just think about that and everything will feel okay. Can you do that?"
"Of course."