Make Damn Sure
Tittle: Make Damn Sure {songfic}
Author: -Points to self- Me! Jinx!
Pairing: Gerard/Pete, Implied Gerard/?
Summery: Sombody looks back on how they fell for a certain Band mate
Disclaimer: The usual. Don't know, don't own, never happened. You know the drill
AN: Okay I know im missing a big bit of the song out but it didnt fit so, yeah enjoy.
you've got this new head filled up with smoke
and I got my veins all tangled close
to the jukebox bars you frequent
the safest place to hide
I never though this could happen to me, I never though YOU could do this to me, but it did and you have. It seems all of my free time is spent thinking of you, dreaming of us together, but it will never be so. I remember the night so vividly. I remember when I first fell for you, fell head over heals for my best friend.
A long night spent with your most obvious weakness,
You start shaking at the thought,
We were at a party. One of those big shindigs where everybody is either a manager, famous or a slut brought along for the quick fucks afterwards. We were promoting the band and the new album, not like we needed to, but we went because we were told to go. The others were aloud to stay behind at the hotel because all they were interested in was me and you. As if the others didn’t exist.
After a while the party started to get a little more heavy. Alcohol was running in every persons system and the drugs were being passed around freely. You had been clean for almost a year now and I wanted to keep it that way, but before I got to you, you had already declined every offer that had come your way, and continued to sip on your beer.
You are everything I want,
Cause you are everything I’m not.
Maybe that was what started it all. I admire you so much, all the shit you’ve been through, and still your strong, not giving into temptation even though it was written clearly in your expressive eyes you so desperately wanted it. I sometimes feel a little jealous of your courage, you are everything to me, my friend, band mate, my idol.
And we lay, we lay together
just not, too close, too close
(how close is close enough?)
We lay, we lay together
just not too close, too close
That night we stayed in the spare room of whatever and whoever’s house we were in. Since we're best friends, there was no awkwardness about sharing a bed. We had done it many times before, once more was nothing new. But this time it was, for me at least. As you slept, I watched you. Like a freaky stalker I watched you sleep. Your chest moving slowly and rhythmically up and down. You looked so beautiful when you slept, brining forth all your innocence that few got the chance to see.
Cautiously, I ran my had through your short, bleach blond hair. Alot of people say you should have left it to the long black, but all I could think was how even more stunning you looked. I smiled slightly as you gave a little moan and leaned into my touch. This is what I longed for. This is what I wanted. I longed for your love, your touch, your caress. I longed to wrap you up in my arms and keep you forever. To kiss your lips whenever I pleased, to not hide the fact, even to myself, that I was totaly and completely in love with you. What happened next shattered all my dreams as reality claimed me again.
"Peter" you moaned softly.
Your were not mine to have, not mine to keep. You were with him. You were his and he was yours. I stilled my hand and curled up on the opposite side of the bed, tears slowly forming in my eyes. It broke my heart as the full extent of it all rained down upon me. I was in love with my best friend, and he was in love with his boyfriend.
I just wanna break you down so badly
well i trip over everything you say
I just wanna break you down so badly
in the worst way
The next morning you awoke happy and ready to start the day. You hummed a happy tune, kissing my cheek as you got up from the bed, excited to see your beloved once more. Once again the pain hit me and I rolled over, pulling the blankets over my head, willing myself not to cry. You laughed and went to go get me some aspirin and water, assuming I had a hangover. You never realised the pain went much deeper than merely too much alcohol.
That’s another thing about you. You always seem to be able to hold your liquor. No matter how much you drank, you would be happy and peppy the next day. I stuttered out my thanks as you returned, you giving me a dazzling smile in return. You started talking to me about something, but I never did find out what it was. Your beauty seamed to much for my sore eyes to ignore and I found myself staring. You obviously didn’t notice as you went on, chatting merrily about whatever it was and I just sat there, staring, awed by you.
I'm gonna make damn sure
that you can't ever leave
no you won't ever get too far from me
you won't ever get too far from me
I’ll make damn sure (damn sure)
that you can't ever leave (that you can't ever leave)
no you won't ever get too far from me
you won't ever get too far from me
you won't ever get too far from me (ever get too far)
you won't ever get too far
I decided that day, I was not going to let you go. I was going to keep you mine, and I yours. Love can make you do incredibly crazy things, and the thoughts that were running through my mind disgusted me. Images of Pete hurting. Bleeding. Dying. Images of me planting evidence of a second relationship so you would leave him, and I would be waiting for you with open arms.
I shook the thoughts from my head as we ran downstairs to were we were getting a ride back to the hotel, shouting a word of thanks to the house owner as we excited through the door. When you saw him your eyes lit up and you ran, throwing your arms around him and kissing him softly. You loved him. You were happy. After so many years of misery, hate and regret you were finally happy and I accepted that. All thoughts of breaking you two apart fled from my mind as I jumped into the back seat, once again fighting off tears as you talked to him animatedly in the front seat. His hand held firmly, but lovingly in yours. I will let you have this happiness, throw away my own longing for it. I wont take you away from him.
just wanna break you down so badly
well I trip over everything you say
I just wanna break you down so badly
in the worst way (worst way)
I want to. God only knows how I want to, but I can't. I wont do that to you. I am content to just watch from the sidelines. watch you be happy
I’m gonna make damn sure
I just wanna break you down so badly
I just wanna break you down so badly
in the worst way, worst way...
For now.