fic: Some Variations on Pranks Past
Title: Some Variations on Pranks Past
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, Puck, Artie, Brittany/Marisa, Mike/Wendy, Tina
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "So what? Now you're some sort of prank wish full filling fairy?" Santana asks.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~9,175
Spoilers: just references to previous stories.
A/N: Follows Worrisome to Watch. Puck's prank idea came from bradstev, though I tweaked it a bit based off of Wizards of Waverly Place 3x11.
2nd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
series masterlist
Monday morning, Santana is shocked to realize that Coach Sylvester is going easy on her. She actually pinches herself to make sure she's not dreaming. Or suffering from a severe concussion.
The pain is real and sharp, so apparently her girlfriend's power of persuasion knows no bounds, especially if she was able to convince Coach Sylvester to actually relax, even if it's just a smidge.
Santana finds this incredibly hot. She wishes she wasn't still sore because it's going to be really tough to keep her hands off Rachel the rest of the day.
…
Rachel supposes she shouldn't be surprised when Artie corners her Monday morning, demanding that they pull a prank together, though she is. She expected him to come up with a group idea first for some reason. He'd been so gung ho about it during winter break.
She agrees to meet him during lunch in the choir room so they can talk.
…
Santana's becoming paranoid. It feels like everyone's staring at her. She knows no one can see the bruises; she made sure of that before leaving the house this morning. And no one commented during Cheerios' practice.
Though, upon reflection, she does remember getting some odd looks from the others in the locker room.
She'll have to ask Britt if she heard anything.
…
Of course privacy doesn't seem to be something they've earned today. When Artie and Rachel enter the choir room, they find Brittany in the corner making out with Marisa.
"Sorry," Rachel says.
Marisa buries her head against her girlfriend's shoulder, while Brittany response is to smirk.
"We'll just go somewhere else," Rachel tells them.
"Nah," Brittany replies. "Marisa supposed to be having lunch with her Chem lab partner to go over a project anyway. I should probably stop distracting her.”
Rachel looks at Marisa who nods her confirmation. Still she asks, "You sure?"
Brittany nods as she pulls Marisa up with her. "See you guys." And then Brittany drags Marisa out of the room.
"That was…random," Artie says.
"That's Britt," Rachel shrugs.
"So I have an idea, but I'm not sure if it's too crazy," Artie says as they settle down to eat.
"All right."
Artie pulls out a sandwich. "At first I wanted to flood the school, but I thought that just might be too dangerous. So how about we flood it with marbles? Just like ankle deep."
"And what happens when someone opens the door?" Rachel asks.
"Hmmm. Good point," Artie agrees. "I guess we'd have to put up damns of sort."
"That would work," Rachel says. "We'll have to figure out what to use, how tall the damns should be, how to attach it and how we're going to get all the stuff here."
"Well the Durango can carry a lot," Artie says.
"That it does," Rachel agrees. "Um… Are you going to be able to wheel through marbles with your chair?"
"I don't know," Artie replies. "I've never tried."
"That might need to be investigated," Rachel tells him.
They spend the rest of lunch planning as Artie's giddiness seems to increase.
…
Santana's thankful that Brittany's already in the lunch room when she arrives. Her paranoia is reaching epic levels.
"Hi S," Brittany chirps when Santana sits next to her.
"Hey B."
"What's wrong?"
"People are weird today," Santana replies.
"People are weird every day."
"I know, but everyone's been extra weird around me today."
"Everyone's afraid of you," Quinn growls, sitting across from Santana.
"Why?"
"Because thanks to Wendy Kory, everyone knows that you kicked the ass of a three hundred pound boxer this weekend."
"Of course."
"Man the whole school is buzzing about you, Santana,” Mike says, sitting next to Quinn.
“Because your damn girlfriend can’t keep her mouth shut,” Santana retorts.
“In fairness, did you tell her to?” Brittany questions.
“No,” Santana grumbles.
“I don’t see why you’re pissed,” Quinn says. “You’re officially the scariest person at McKinley at the moment.”
“Well I don’t want to be,” Santana hisses. “I just wanted to finish the semester and escape this hell hole.”
“Well then you should have informed your entourage of that,” Mike says.
“I didn’t want a damn entourage to begin with,” Santana tells him.
“After lunch, can we see if the hallway parts for you?” Brittany asks. “Like the Red Sea?”
“Seriously B?”
“No bible references, please,” Quinn says.
“You’ve always been a BAMF,” Mike adds. “What’s the difference now?”
“If you show people all your strong cards, it’s tougher to out maneuver them, later,” Santana answers.
“We have four months left,” Quinn points out. “How much maneuvering do you really need to do?”
Santana grins. “You have no idea.”
“Ominous,” Mike mutters.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Quinn demands.
”Santana’s got her fingers in a lot of pies,” Brittany offers.
"Dirty," Mike mutters, grinning.
“Because now you’re part of some big con-“
“Yeah,” Santana interrupts Quinn. “Something like that.”
Santana and Quinn share a hard stare for a moment.
“I think I liked it better when I didn’t know anything,” Quinn says, blinking.
“Ignorance is bliss,” Brittany says.
…
Artie gives Rachel a ride home after school, so they can discuss specifics of the prank.
Artie's excitement shows and they spend the short drive from McKinley singing along to the radio at the top of their lungs.
They spend the afternoon planning and plotting. They seem to be on the same page, though Rachel does have to rein Artie in a bit sometimes. His ideas and ambitions are a bit out of their abilities. Still, it's never hostile; Artie seems to bow to Rachel's experience gained knowledge gracefully.
It's a fun afternoon and as she walks Artie out, Rachel feels a bit of sadness that they don't have the four years of friendship in their history that she'd always hoped for. But not one to dwell in the past, Rachel decides to just enjoy the next four months.
Better late than never, right?
…
Santana is very surprised that Rachel doesn’t bring up her new status at school. At first, she thinks that maybe Rachel hasn’t heard, but she quickly dismisses that. If nothing else, Britt would have told her.
And then Santana wonders if anyone treated Rachel any different because of the rumors floating around about her. Santana prays that, if so, it wasn’t too negative.
Not that Rachel can’t take care of herself.
“You’re quiet,” Santana says finally.
“Long day, I suppose.”
“Yeah?”
“Nothing too unusual,” Rachel continues. “Today just felt more hectic than other Mondays.”
“So no one gave you a hard time today?” Santana asks.
“And risk the wrath of my girlfriend, the biggest, bitchiest badass on the block?”
“Um…”
“No one would risk that, tiger,” Rachel says. “Your rep may become the stuff of legends, I think.”
Santana groans.
“I would have thought you’d be pleased.”
Santana sighs. “I would have thought so, too. But everyone was so damn awkward around me today. It’s annoying.”
“You say that like you’re not annoyed with people at McKinley on a daily basis.”
Santana snorts. “Yeah. Yeah. I know.”
Rachel is quiet for a moment before asking, "Are you mad that everyone knows or that the decision was taken from you?"
Santana sighs. "The second one."
"I know it's not ideal, but it'll be okay."
"I just can't wait until we're out of here," Santana replies. "Out there conquering the world, leaving Lima in our dust."
"That does sound lovely," Rachel agrees. "Only a few more months."
Santana wonders about the wistfulness she nears in Rachel's voice. It's not as if she actually likes Lima. She supposes it's just another random bout of nostalgia that Rachel seems to have lately.
…
The biggest obstacle to pulling off Artie’s prank is waiting for the materials. She appreciates his ambition, but Rachel wonders if he realizes how much work they have ahead of them.
Probably not.
Rachel supposes he’ll know soon enough. She wonders if all the effort will stop him from wanting to pull a group prank.
Again, probably not.
It’ll just mean he wants more help. And though Rachel knows she’ll say yes, it worries her. More people also equals more problems.
…
“Morning Rach.”
“Oh, hello, Mike.”
“Do you have a sec?”
“For you? Always,” Rachel replies, closing her locker.
They walk down the hall, side by side and end up in the choir room.
“So what’s up?”
“You remember over break when Artie suggested a group prank and you agreed?”
“I do,” Rachel nods.
“Does that mean you’d be up for pulling one with me?”
“I take it you have something in mind?” Rachel prompts.
Mike nods eagerly. “I was hoping you could get a hold of that catapult again.”
“Probably,” Rachel replies. “Though I’m not sure I approve repeating a prank.”
“It’s not a repeat,” Mike insists. “It’s a variation of pranks past.”
Rachel doesn’t bother holding back her chuckle.
“Laugh all you want, but it sounded good in my head.”
“Fine. I’ll look into the catapult situation and we can talk next week? Okay?”
“Works for me,” Mike says. “Thanks Rach.”
…
There's a small part of Rachel that feels bad about the fear that Santana's very presence seems to cause. She mostly ignores it and tries to enjoy the perks of dating the scariest bitch in school.
Digging through her locker, Rachel almost misses the slight cough that announces the Cheerios' presence. Leaning slightly around her locker door she finds two familiar faces staring back.
"Wendy. Missy."
"Hi Rachel," Wendy waves.
"Hey Berry."
After a moment, Rachel asks, "Is there something specific you wanted? Or are you just here to stare at me?"
"We just wanted to thank you," Wendy says.
"For what?"
"Stopping Santana from kicking the crap out of us and then throwing us in a dumpster," Wendy answers.
"I don't think Cheerios are allowed to be thrown in dumpsters," Rachel tells her. "But you're welcome."
"Be honest with me, Rach," Missy says.
"All right."
"Even though both Wendy and Mike have confirmed it for me," Missy says. "I'm still not sure I believe it. I mean, I know Lopez is badass as hell, otherwise you wouldn't be with her. But there's no way in hell she won that chess boxing match."
"Why not?"
"Second in command to Fabray?" Missy questions. "I just don't see it. The enforcer just doesn't have it in her."
Rachel sighs. Closing her eyes, she counts to ten slowly. When she opens her eyes again, they are dark and angry. "Missy. You need to stop talking. Because if you don't, I'll be forced to do something unpleasant to you and I'm in a bit of a hurry this morning."
"Rachel she didn't mean anything by it," Wendy tries.
"That's nice of you to say, Wendy," Rachel replies. "But we both know that's not true."
"Your girl can take care of herself, you know," Missy smirks.
"I know she can," Rachel says. "But that didn't stop me from raining hell down on the last girl to insult San in my presence. And unless you apologize, I'm afraid I'll be forced to seek vengeance."
Missy scoffs and then bursts out laughing at the determined look on Rachel's face. This earns a sharp elbow from Wendy, who looks very concerned.
"Last chance, Watters," Rachel warns.
Missy is now laughing so hard that she's leaning against the lockers.
Rachel turns to Wendy. "I did warn her, right?"
Wendy nods.
"Okay then. I'll see you two around."
…
Santana's surprised to find Rachel already at lunch, sitting on a table and facing the entrance of the lunch room.
"Hey babe," she greets. "What's up?"
"Oh good you made it before the show started," Rachel says.
"What show?"
"Did it happen yet?" Brittany asks.
"No, but I figure any moment now," Rachel answers.
"What the hell are you two crazies talking about?" Santana demands.
"Rachel's defending your honor again," Brittany whispers loudly.
"Do I even want to know?"
"I don't know, San," Brittany replies. "Do you?"
Santana has no idea, so she joins Rachel and Brittany and watches the door.
A few minutes later, Missy Watters and Wendy Kory enter with a couple other Cheerios. A moment later, Puck and Mike appear. They push their way towards Missy and pick her up; Mike has her legs and Puck slips his arms under hers and they carry her out of the lunch room.
The moment that Puck and Mike appear, Rachel is standing. As they exit the lunch room, Rachel immediately follows, as does Brittany and a still puzzled Santana. A number of others in the lunch room trail after them.
The entire time, Rachel tries not to smirk too much as she hears Missy struggling, screaming, cursing and trying to get away. She supposes this is a bit cruel, but she's tired of dealing with Missy. Wendy isn't so bad; if Mike likes her, then Rachel can too; but Missy has earned no such leniency. Rachel also hates that she thinks being a Cheerio will protect her.
They end up on the football field where a dumpster sits. When Missy sees it, she really starts struggling and screaming to be let go. No one responds, simply following and watching.
Though she's glad no one's offering to help, Rachel finds herself disgusted with the sheep that she's surrounded by.
"How come none of the Cheerios or jocks are helping her?" Tina asks, suddenly appearing at Rachel's side.
"They know my wrath is more fearsome," Rachel smirks. "Besides, who's going to stop Noah and Mike?"
"Good point," Tina chuckles.
Instead of tossing her in, like everyone expects, the guys raise Missy high enough so they can hold her over the dumpster. They then slowly lower her down, which is extremely difficult with her fighting and hollering. Rachel figures her increase in volume is due to now knowing her fate.
When Puck and Mike let go, everyone else is shocked when they hear a splashing noise.
"What the fuck?" Santana says.
"Oh, it's filled with grape slushie," Rachel says. "Crude and over done I know, but I was in a bit of a hurry this morning. It makes my point well, though, I believe."
"And what exactly was your point?" Santana asks.
"That speaking ill of you isn't a wise idea," Rachel answers. "Besides, even after everything, she's still not backing down, not completely. I suppose I got tired of it."
"What did she say?"
"She implied that you're all brawn and no brain."
"She wouldn't be the first," Santana says.
"Perhaps," Rachel agrees. "But I gave her several opportunities to apologize and she didn't. So I took action."
"Thanks babe."
They, along with everyone else, watch as Missy struggles in the slushie as she tries to get out.
"I take it you guys emptied the dumpster?"
"Actually, apparently my bro here knows when the dumpster is emptied," Puck says joining them.
"That is so weird babe," Santana says.
"Knowledge is power."
"Are you quoting School House Rock?" Tina asks.
"So? That doesn't make it any less true."
"No judgment here," Tina replies. "Just checking."
"How did you get that much slushie so quickly?" Brittany asks.
"Technically it's just shaved ice from the ice arena," Rachel replies. "And then I added red and blue food coloring."
"Should we be concerned about her dying of hypothermia?" Mike asks. "After all, it is January."
"Nah," Rachel says. "Help should be coming any moment."
The others follow her line of sight as two janitors appear on the field with a ladder and some towels. Everyone watches as they set the ladder in the dumpster and Missy gingerly crawls out. They hand her a few towels which she immediately wraps around herself and runs inside. They used the left over towel to clean the ladder off and then head back inside the school.
"Huh," Puck says. "Did that really happen?"
"Thanks for your help, guys," Rachel says. "Couldn’t have done it without you."
"Uh huh."
"Course, bro," Puck replies. "Anything to get that chick off your back."
"Where did you get all that food coloring so fast?" Tina asks.
"Apparently McKinley is ready for a ton of Easter egg dying," Rachel replies. "There's tons in the kitchen."
"How did you know that?" Mike asks.
"How do you think?"
"Right. Prankster snooping."
"Do you really think this will get her to back off?" Brittany asks. "She's rather tenacious."
Rachel chuckles as Tina, Mike and Puck look stunned at Brittany's word choice. "We can only hope."
…
When Rachel enters glee that afternoon, almost everyone else is there already. She sits in the front row next to Artie and Tina and then watches in amusement as Kurt and Mercedes stand and move to the back far corner.
"I take it they heard about Missy," Rachel says to Tina.
She nods. "Of course. The whole school is buzzing. Though most people think it was Santana, not you."
"I figured as much."
"Aren't you worried that people will start to put things together?" Mike asks, sitting down next to Rachel.
"Dumping someone in a dumpster full of slushie is hardly creative," Rachel replies.
"I think he means your ability to pull things together so quickly," Artie interjects. "I mean, I assume whatever upset you happened this morning."
"And not yesterday," Tina continues. "That means you set all that up before lunch."
"I mean if it was just me and Puck throwing someone in a dumpster, that's no big deal," Mike says. "But the slushie and the janitors, well, that's impressive."
"Perhaps," Rachel allows. "But the idiots at this school are impressed by shiny objects."
"Still, maybe you should be a bit more careful, Rach," Artie says.
"Says the guy who blurted it out in a room full of people," Rachel retorts.
Artie grins, embarrassed. "I really thought everyone knew."
"It's fine, Artie," Rachel replies. "But you see my point?"
"We're just concerned, Rach," Mike says.
"Really," Tina adds.
Rachel sighs. "Fine. Perhaps I let my temper get away from me for a moment. I won't let it happen again."
Their conversation is halted when Mr. Schue enters the choir room, only five minutes late.
…
"Just when I think you're the awesomest girlfriend ever, you go and do something even more crazy and more awesome," Santana says as she drives to Rachel's after glee.
"Awesomest is not a word, Santana," Rachel chastises.
"I know. You're so amazing that I have to make up words to describe you, babe."
"Sweet talker."
"I mean, seriously," Santana continues. "Was all that really because she called me stupid?"
"Yes."
"Hmph. Probably should have just stuck with slut like everyone else."
"That would have garnered a similar response," Rachel replies.
"I don't see why," Santana says. "She wouldn't be the first or the last. Seems like a whole hell of effort."
"You'd be worth all that effort even if she just implied you were a slut, San," Rachel says, turning in her seat to face Santana. "I just hate that no one sees all your amazing potential, tiger. You're so much more than they see you as."
"I could say the same about you, babe."
"See. Sweet talker."
…
Sue is surprised to find Missy Kory waiting for her when she arrives Wednesday morning. Not only is it insanely early, but Sue can count on one hand the number of times she’s seen Kory without Watters; not that she keeps track of that sort of thing.
Sue ignores her as she sits at her desk. The blonde follows and sits quietly in one of the chairs in front of Sue’s desk. Sue continues to go through her usual morning routine. She feels Missy’s eyes on her, but ignores then until it becomes too irritating.
“What?!”
“I need retribution.”
“Pardon?”
“I was mega slushied yesterday,” Missy says. “I need retribution.”
“How is that my problem?”
“I thought Cheerios were above all that,” Missy continues. “And as the highest authority at this school, I was hoping you could step in and rectify the situation.”
“I don’t believe that anything needs to be rectified,” Sue replies.
“So what? Because she’s Lopez’s girlfriend, she’s immune?”
“I’m sure Berry had her reasons,” Sue says.
“So you’re not going to take any action against her?”
“If Berry slushied you, then I’m sure you more than deserved it,” Sue replies. “Having been on the receiving end of dozens, she wouldn’t do it to someone else without reason.”
“What if it was a stupid reason?” Missy asks.
“Was it?”
“I, uh… I think it was.”
“And what was it?” Sue asks.
“Um, well, what it was, isn’t important,” Missy stutters.
“Well then retribution isn’t necessary, is it?” Sue questions, smirking. “So none will be handed out by me. And if I hear of you trying anything, I’ll have no problem kicking you off the squad.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Wouldn’t I?”
Missy tries to keep Sue’s stare, but after a few seconds, she lets her eyes drop.
“Dismissed,” Sue says.
Missy nods dejectedly and slumps out.
…
Wednesday during lunch, Rachel finds herself in Coach Sylvester's office.
"I thought slushies were banned," she says to Rachel.
"Technically, it was shaved ice and food coloring," Rachel answers.
"And you think those cretins realize that?"
"Hardly," Rachel scoffs. "But if you're concerned about this being a sign that the ban can be broken, I doubt it."
"Or you opened up my Cheerios for attack."
"Good. It's nice to see the shoe on the other foot, so to speak."
"Look, I've put up with you messing with the social order because I found it amusing and it hasn't meddled with my plans," Coach Sylvester says. "But if this shake up affects their performances, I may have to reconsider my position on you Berry."
"No offense, Coach, but if they're Cheerios, shouldn't they be used to so much more abuse?" Rachel questions. "After all, you're hardly… sweet to them."
"You're right about that," Coach Sylvester agrees. "But what about next year after you're gone? Do you really think this ban is going to last?"
Rachel doesn't answer immediately. "I suppose I never thought about that."
"You have to be careful how you wield the power, Berry," Coach Sylvester says.
"I'll keep that in mind, Coach."
…
Friday morning, Rachel is practically accosted at her locker by an exuberant Artie.
"I take it that they've arrived," Rachel says.
"Planning session at lunch?"
"You've figured out those specifics?"
Artie nods.
"See you then."
"Later Rach," Artie says, before speeding down the halls.
Watching him, Rachel shakes her head, a bit of disbelief at his excitement.
…
"So you and Artie have been spending a lot of time together," Puck says Friday night.
They're playing Rampage on the old Nintendo because Puck claimed he was feeling nostalgic and bored.
"I suppose," Rachel replies. "I think this prankster thing has made me much more interesting to him."
"That's awful cynical of you, bro," Puck says. "I mean, you're cool to hang with."
"Says the guy who only started hanging out with me after I handcuffed my girlfriend to a bed," Rachel replies wryly.
"Not just any girl though," Puck says. "Santana fucking Lopez."
"So?"
"Don't pretend you don't know why that's a big deal, Rach," Puck tells her. "It's insulting to me, your girl and yourself."
"That's a lot of insulting I just did."
…
Knowing she has an exhausting night ahead of her, Rachel sleeps in Sunday morning. She and Santana spend most of the day in bed at Santana's prompting, though Rachel doesn't even pretend to argue.
Spending time like this with Santana is more than Rachel ever hoped for from her high school romance. She feels like she's found the one and it scares her. Does she feel this way because it's true or because her youth and romantic notions are telling her so?
Wrapped up in Santana's arms, basking in the afterglow, Rachel can't imagine feeling any more complete with anyone else. Maybe ending it with Santana is a bad idea. After all, high school romances do sometimes last. She and Santana are certainly tenacious enough to fight for the relationship. That was certainly proven last year with all the obstacles thrown their way.
Santana seems willing to fight, so where is Rachel's reluctance coming from?
…
Citing a busy week, Rachel doesn't spend the night at the Lopez house. Instead when she arrives home, she changes into all black and begins to load her car with the necessary materials. Just before midnight, she heads to McKinley. The streets are deserted as usual.
When she arrives, she begins unloading and setting up as she waits for Artie. The dark red Durango appears moments later, so they quickly enter the building and begin setting up. Having already planned everything out, they get done rather quickly and so they head back out to the parking lot for the final stash of golf balls that is in Artie's Durango.
Artie back the vehicle as close to the side door as possible. Rachel sets up the ramp with walls she made. Artie then unlocks the back and they both watch as the golf balls begin rolling down the ramp and into the school.
It barely makes a dent and Artie is extremely glad that Rachel insisted that they didn't bring all the of the golf balls over tonight. It's exhausting to just think about.
Instead, he hands Rachel a rope ladder and puts away the ramp as Rachel heads back inside. After making sure that all traces of them have been removed, Rachel heads up to the roof.
There she finds the one hundred and thirty tons of golf balls that she and Artie have managed to smuggle onto the roof. Considering there are over one hundred and fifty thousand golf balls up here, Rachel still can't believe no one noticed. She wonders if it's because it's winter; after all, everyone just assumed all the white was snow.
She finds the vent that leads down into the auditorium and opens it. She then starts the flow of golf balls and listens as they all roll down the vent and into the school. As she watches the balls fall, she hopes they didn't miss a door. To make sure the golf balls flood the entire school, even the bathrooms and teachers' offices, every day in the school had to be opened. Having attended McKinley for nearly four years, Rachel's pretty sure that she and Artie found every one, but it only takes them missing one for things to not work out exactly right.
When every single ball has gone through the vent, Rachel closes the vent and walks to the edge of the building. She secures the rope ladder on two large hooks and lets it drop down the side of the building. She then begins the slow and awkward process of climbing down.
The ladder's not quite long enough and she has to drop the last six feet. Artie finds an old mattress and sets it under her. As she hits it with a grunt, she tries not to think about where Artie found the mattress, or how he managed to get it where it needed to be. She quickly climbs off and then helps Artie return it to the dumpster. It's awkward and grueling, but somehow they manage it.
There's still some time to get some sleep before school, so they part with a fist bump, get into their vehicles and drive home.
…
Rachel supposes arrives at school the next morning with Artie might look suspicious, but she figures only to those who know to look.
Once again, most of the school is outside waiting in the parking lot. Considering the weather, most people look pretty pissed.
"What's the hold up?" Artie asks Tina, who's standing with Kurt and Mercedes.
"Prankster," Kurt answers.
"If school's going to be canceled, we should just go," Artie says. "I mean, it's freezing out here. They can't expect us to stay out here and wait while they… I don't know."
"For once, I'm annoyed with the prankster," Mercedes pipes up. "I appreciate the warning that we may be standing outside for a while, but can't Santana have chosen something that wouldn't keep us outside in the cold all morning."
"How many times am I going to have to deny that I'm the prankster," Santana says, appearing next to Rachel. She laces their hands together. "Besides, this was obviously done by someone more insane than me."
"What makes you say that?" Artie asks.
"And if you're not the prankster, then how do you know what the prank is?" Kurt asks.
"I don't," Santana replies. "But standing outside in the middle of winter is not my idea of a good time. So no matter what it is, making us wait out here is insane."
Rachel lightly elbows Santana.
"I think it's fun," Brittany adds. "We should have a snow ball fight or something."
"We're not making snow angels, Britt," Rachel says.
"You never let me have any fun, Rachy," Brittany pouts.
"So I don't think school's going to be canceled," Puck says, joining the group.
"Then what's the hold up?" Mercedes asks.
"Seems that the entire school is filled ankle deep with golf balls."
"Golf balls?" Kurt questions.
"That's what I heard."
"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Kurt says.
"Seriously?" Tina asks. "Of all the things that the prankster has pulled, this is the most ridiculous?"
"Yeah, it almost seems tame," Mercedes adds.
"I'm a fan of the never ending orange line," Brittany says.
"You would be," Rachel teases.
Brittany just smirks.
"What makes you say that they're sending us home, Puckerman?" Santana asks.
Puck shrugs. "Just overheard some stuff."
"If it's golf balls, why don't they just open the doors?" Mercedes asks. "Yeah, it'll be a lot of fucking golf balls, but if they open the gym doors, it's not like too much damage will be done."
"Apparently there are damns set up in each door way," Puck explains. "And they can't remove them."
"The janitors don't have screw guns?" Artie asks. "Because then this school has the worst budget ever."
"I'm willing to bet they're not just screwed down," Santana says.
"Because you know how they were attached," Kurt interrupts.
"Because otherwise, we wouldn't still be standing out here," Santana finishes.
"Oooh, maybe they used crazy glue," Brittany says. "That stuff is unstickable."
"Unstickable isn't a word," Rachel mutters.
Brittany just smiles.
"What are they going to do with all the golf balls when this is all over?" Tina asks.
"I guess the golf team won't be lacking in balls," Rachel says.
Puck bursts out laughing. Everyone gives him varying looks, Rachel with a fond annoyance to Mercedes who just looks irritated.
"Whatever," Puck scoffs. "If you guys can't appreciate an inappropriate ball joke, I can't talk to you anymore."
"Good," Santana says. "Just stand there and pretend you're pretty then."
…
They're all eventually ushered into school. It takes a bit of effort to get Artie and his chair in, but between Puck, Santana, Tina and Brittany, they manage. Of course, maneuvering through all the golf balls takes a little more muscle than Artie's used to, but the sense of pride he feels at seeing his idea in the real world is enough to make it worth it. Besides, with this sort of effort, he could build some insane arm muscles.
"Is that your reason for coming up with this idea?" Tina asks Artie as he sorts through his locker.
"Not exactly," he answers. "Just a bonus."
"Do I even want to know where you got all these golf balls?"
"I don't know. Do you?"
Tina sighs. "I wish your giddiness was contagious."
"I do too."
…
In hindsight, Rachel's surprised there hasn't been that much golf ball related injuries. And by that, she means the morons of the school assaulting their unsuspecting peers with them. She supposes it hasn't occurred to them, which she's relieved about.
She decides to eat lunch in the choir room, not in the mood for Kurt's speculation. Besides, she needs to make some follow up calls to ensure that she has a catapult for next week. Not wanting to go through the same source as last time, it's taking a bit more effort. She really thought she knew more than one place to get a catapult; she finds herself oddly disappointed in herself. At least the Saunders' brothers will still be handling the pick up.
Thankfully, Mike is working on the trigger, so it's one less thing she has to worry about.
Rachel doesn't look up when the door opens, hoping whoever it is will leave upon seeing her. Instead, they timidly walk over and sit next to Rachel.
Who looks up to find a sheepish looking Marisa sitting next to her.
"Oh hello, Marisa."
"Hey Rach. Sorry to interrupt."
"It's fine." Rachel smiles. "You're not who I was hiding from."
"Oh. Okay."
"So. What's up?"
"Well, Brittany's birthday is coming up."
Rachel nods.
"And we've been going out for about five months now."
"Okay," Rachel says. "Are you not sure what to get her?"
"Not exactly," Marisa replies. "Do you mind coming over this afternoon? I want to ask something, but not here."
"Sure," Rachel says. "Though I hope you drove, because I caught a ride from Artie."
"Uh, no," Maria replies. "My mom needed the car."
"Oh. Um, okay. No problem. Just meet me by my locker after school."
"Okay. See you then."
…
The golf ball debacle is the breaking point for Figgins. Once the clean up process has begun, he sits down at his computer to find a solution.
First, he goes over his budget to see what is even feasible. He's willing to cut a few corners if it means ridding himself of the prankster once and for all.
After the numbers have been crunched, he looks at the dismally small digits in front of him and fights the urge to give up.
Instead, he goes online and begins searching for ideas that will fall within his miniscule budget.
…
Artie's exuberance about the successful prank is almost overwhelming. Rachel's half afraid he's going to crash the vehicle because he seems to be bouncing in his seat the entire drive from McKinley to Rachel's house. But it also meant that when Rachel asked if he minded giving Marisa a ride as well, he easily agreed.
"Thanks for the ride," Rachel says, getting out of the Durango.
"No prob, Rach," Artie replies. "Thanks for the prank. It was awesome. Even if my arms are practically numb."
"It was something different, that's for sure," Rachel agrees.
Not even bothering to go into the house, Marisa follows Rachel into the garage and both climb into the car. It's a quick drive to Marisa's house. They make it there right before Marisa's brothers arrive home from school.
Rachel makes them all a snack and then the boys plant themselves in front of the TV to play video games.
They head up to Marisa’s room, which Rachel nervous; what could Marisa want to talk about? Rachel settles on the bed as Marisa paces in front of her.
“Can I ask you something really personal and maybe inappropriate?” Marisa asks, finally.
“You can ask,” Rachel says, cautiously.
Marisa chuckles sardonically. “Fair enough.” She stops pacing and looks at Rachel. “How long were you and Santana going out before you had sex?”
“Um…”
“Too personal,” Marisa says. “I know. Never mind.”
“No, I mean, well, yes,” Rachel replies. “But actually…” Rachel sighs. “I’m embarrassed to say that Santana and I did the whole courtship backwards.”
“What does that mean?”
“We had sex before we started dating-before we were really even friends.”
“Oh. Was Santana your first?” Marisa asks.
“Unfortunately not,” Rachel replies.
“Unfortunately?”
“Mine was given under false pretense,” Rachel explains.
“Oh.”
"A story for another time."
"Okay."
“Is Britt pushing for, uh, sex?” Rachel asks.
Marisa shakes her head. “I mean, we do stuff, but…”
“The first time is always a bit nerve wracking.”
“I have a gift already picked out,” Marisa says. “But part of me wonders if her birthday would be a good time for our first time.”
“Okay.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
“It’s whatever you’re comfortable with, Marisa,” Rachel says. “As long as you don’t feel pressured.”
Marisa sighs.
“Do you feel pressured?”
“It’s just… Brittany. I think I’ve been ready for a while, but I’m scared. She has so much experience and I have almost none.”
“That doesn’t matter,” Rachel says.
“I mean how am I supposed to measure up?” Marisa continues, as if she hasn’t heard Rachel. “Not to mention the fact that she’s had a threesome with you and your girlfriend.”
“Uh…”
“It’s just a lot to take in.”
“I can see that,” Rachel agrees.
Marisa nods and they lapse into silence.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about, you know,” Rachel says eventually.
"Still…"
"But you can at least understand where my apprehension comes from."
"Um, I don't want to offend, but no one's saying you have to have sex with Britt. Ever."
"I know," Marisa says. "I want to though. I just…"
"Having performance anxiety?"
Marisa chuckles. "Yeah."
"Do you think talking to Britt would help?" Rachel asks.
"That sounds awkward."
"Well if you can't discuss sex, then you shouldn't be having it."
Marisa stares at Rachel for a moment. "That sounds like something straight out of one of Ms. Pillsbury's pamphlets."
"Yes, well, it's what my fathers drilled into my head when we had "the talk"," Rachel explains.
"Oh. Awkward."
"Very," Rachel agrees. "But they meant well."
"Parents."
Rachel nods. "You really should talk to Britt. She'll completely understand."
"I know," Marisa replies. "I Just can't help but feel embarrassed."
"It'll work out."
"Can we talk about something else now, please?" Marisa asks.
…
"So have you decided what you want to put in the catapult basket?" Rachel asks Mike.
He's driving her to school Wednesday morning because she just got confirmation on the catapult the night before and it seems the easiest and quickest way to talk.
"I was thinking yellow snow," Mike smirks. "Well, snow balls. That way they'll hit a lot more people."
"Yellow snow?"
"Food coloring," Mike answers. "You mentioned that they have a ton of it in the school kitchen."
"They do," Rachel agrees.
"Then we can grab a bunch," Mike says. "I bet they have a ton of yellow. No one ever uses yellow, but you can't buy just certain colors. Everyone always has an excess of yellow."
"Everyone always says that," Rachel replies. "But that's not necessarily true. People forget that yellow is essential in making plenty of other colors like orange."
"Orange is the only color you could come up with?" Mike teases.
"It's early."
"Please, we know you've been up for hours."
"Well then I've already used up my early morning thinking brain cells," Rachel retorts.
"That doesn't even make any sense."
…
Rachel's glad she had the forethought to have the Saunders brothers pick up the catapult because neither she or Mike has the vehicle to transport it over. The other necessary materials take up enough room in her and Mike's car, anyway.
Why Mike wants the prank to happen on a Tuesday, she doesn't quite understand. But it's his prank, sort of, and so she just agrees.
They meet at 12:30 a.m. Tuesday morning and begin setting up the pulley system to get the catapult and snow up on the roof. Since it's been over a week since it snowed, the roof is clear of snow. Rachel knows this because she checked the day before.
When the Saunders brothers show up an hour later, everything is set up and ready. They skip the pleasantries and quickly begin the process of getting everything on the roof.
Once the catapult is on the roof and in place, they bid good bye to the Saunders brothers and continue working. Once they have enough yellow snow, it all goes in the basket. Next they set up the trigger.
Mike pockets the disposable phone that will act as the trigger and they start cleaning up the mess. After all signs of them having been on the roof have been removed, they head inside the school and lock all the outer doors with chains and padlocks. Hopefully it'll be enough to keep people outside long enough.
When they part company at three, Mike can't seem to stop grinning. And Rachel can't say she isn't pleased with how things turned out.
…
Puck's cell phone beeps as he's driving to school Tuesday morning.
Dress warm and stay away from the front of the parking lot.
He shakes his head. What does his bro have in store for them now?
When he arrives at McKinley, students are once again mulling around the parking lot. He finds Mike, Tina and Brittany standing together and moves to join them.
"Hey. What's the hold up today?"
"Doors are locked," Tina answers.
"Again? Prankster running out of ideas?"
"Not exactly," Mike says.
Puck looks at Mike, his curiosity piqued.
"I take it there's a reason we're supposed to stand all the way back here," Puck says.
"We figured as much," Tina says. "The texts are never wrong."
"I hope it's something entertaining," Brittany adds.
"It usually is," Mike says.
As they wait, Puck can't help, but glance at Mike. He's familiar with the cocky, knowing grin on his face. Puck's seen it enough in the mirror. It's the expression that pulling a prank with Rach creates. He doesn't want to be, but he's jealous. He's the one that encouraged Rachel's badassery. It's because of him that the prankster, the legend, exists. And now Rachel is pulling pranks with Artie and Mike. It's just not right.
His sulking is interrupted by Mike mumbling something next to him.
"Wait for it…"
The phrase is said so quietly that Puck almost misses it. Glancing at the girls, he sees that they didn't hear anything.
A moment later, Puck hears a familiar noise and something is launched off the roof of the school.
Not everyone notices it until it's hurling through the air. It's dozens and dozens of what look like snow balls, except…
"Is that yellow snow?" Tina asks as gravity begins to kick in and the snowballs start to fall.
"Technically," Mike grins.
"That is awesomely gross," Brittany says, elbowing Mike.
His grins grows. "It is, isn't it?"
Puck can grudgingly admit to himself that it's a good prank. Especially as he watches his classmates, specifically the girls, running around freaked out. The chaos of it all appeals to him. Still, the fact that it was caused by Rachel and Mike Chang is really getting to him. He does his best to push it aside and just enjoy the spectacle in front of him.
…
After the shower of yellow snow, Figgins shocks everyone by having Tony the head janitor break down one of the doors, so they can get into the school. A few minutes later, the front doors swing open and the students begin heading inside.
The ones that were hit with the snow balls are not allowed to go home, instead they're told to visit the locker rooms to clean up. There's a lot of grumbling, but everyone does what is expected of them.
…
Puck spends the rest of the day trying not to be annoyed. While it's not the first day he's spent having to hear about the antics of the pranksters, it is only the second time that he's felt… jealous. And he hates it. He's Puckasaurus; people are jealous of him.
For some reason, he feels like he's losing his bro. Puck knows this is ridiculous. Rach will always be his bro, even when she's a super famous Broadway star and Puck is… whatever he ends up being.
Maybe it's the smirk that Chang's been wearing all day or the similar one Artie was wearing as they all waded through golf balls last week. He's the only one who's supposed to feel that way. Britt and Santana don't count. Besides, of all the pranks Rachel has pulled, he's been part of the most. At least he has that.
He heads home feeling pathetic, which is not in his vocabulary. He decides to come up with an awesome pranks of his own to pull with his bro.
…
If Rachel didn't know better, she'd think Noah was avoiding her. She's barely seen him all week, not even in the halls. She's actually starting to wonder if they're still on for their usual Friday bro night.
The last few days have also been filled with hateful glares from Missy Kory. Wendy isn't always at her side, but when she is the redhead always looks apologetic. According to Brittany, Missy already went to Coach Sylvester demanding revenge, but wasn't given the green light. She'd thank Coach Sylvester if she thought that it'd matter, but Rachel knows Coach Sylvester's reasons for denying Missy are her own and don't necessarily pertain to her.
Still she knows it's only a matter of time before Missy decides to seek her own vengeance. After all, this thing between her and Missy has been building for far too long. Though she knew it was naive, she'd hoped that dumping Missy into a dumpster full of grape slushie would be enough to show Missy that she's playing a game she's not qualified to win.
Apparently not; Missy's tenacious, if nothing else.
…
Friday afternoon, Rachel is at her locker when Noah practically bounces up to her.
"Yo bro."
"Noah."
"I probably won't be over tonight until like seven, okay?"
"May I inquire why?" Rachel asks.
"Just got some errands to run, is all," Noah shrugs. "Got a plan."
"All right," Rachel says, cautiously. "I'll see you tonight, then."
"Later Rach."
And then Noah's bounding down the hallway, leaving a slightly bewildered Rachel staring after him.
…
It's taken a lot of research, but Figgins finally finds what he's looking for. It might not be a security system, but it seems perfect to help him catch the prankster. He enters his credit information and hits buy, with a real sense of accomplishment.
…
When Noah shows up hours later, Rachel knows he has some great scheme in mind; he's so excited he's practically vibrating.
"So what's the plan for tonight?" Rachel asks.
"You and I haven't pulled a prank in a while," he replies.
"I suppose that's true."
"So I came up with one," Noah continues. "And it's going to be epically awesome."
"Okay," Rachel says. "So we're going to just hang until midnight? Like usual?"
"Actually, I was thinking more ten, since this one's a bit more time consuming," Noah replies.
"Um, all right."
"Don't look so worried, bro," Noah says. "It's going to be awesome."
…
Saturday morning, Rachel is surprised when the door bell rings at eight. Santana doesn't usually show up until after nine, closer to ten. And even if it was Santana, she does have a key. Rachel can't think of anyone else she knows that would be up this early on a Saturday.
It's Brittany beaming as Marisa stands next to her, looking more asleep than awake.
"Good morning, Rachy," Brittany says.
"Hello Britt. Marisa. Come on in."
Brittany bounces inside, giving Rachel a quick hug before heading towards the kitchen. Marisa half leans against Rachel as they follow Brittany, causing Rachel to chuckle.
"I need coffee," Marisa says.
"I really thought you'd be more of a morning person," Rachel comments.
"Someone kept me up late last night," Marisa replies, slumping into a chair at the kitchen table.
"Um…
"We were playing chess," Brittany says, setting a coffee cup in front of Marisa.
"She's trying to teach me three dimensional chess," Marisa adds. "It's not going well."
"It's just a matter of training your brain to think differently," Brittany says. "Which takes practice."
"Like I said," Marisa says. "It's not going well."
"So not that I'm not pleased to see you guys," Rachel starts.
"I'll get to the point," Brittany interrupts. "As you know, my birthday is coming up."
Rachel nods.
"Well, Marisa asked me what I wanted to do and after some deliberation, I've come up with a short list."
Marisa slides a piece of notebook paper over to Rachel.
"And after a brief discussion, we both realized that you might be helpful in these endeavors," Brittany explains.
"All right."
"So I was hoping you and Marisa could figure it out together?"
"Of course, Britt," Rachel says, glancing over the list. It only has four things on it, but none of them seem terribly difficult; odd maybe, but not difficult. "Seems simple enough."
"Thanks Rachel," Marisa says.
"So you want to spend the day doing this?" Rachel asks. "I assume, next weekend?"
Brittany nods.
"Excellent. We can talk some more tomorrow, Marisa," Rachel continues. "Do you guys want some breakfast?"
"No thanks, Rachy," Brittany says. "We're going back to bed. Sort of."
"Really?"
Brittany nods again. "Yeah. I just wanted to catch you before San got here. We're going to go back to Marisa's and watch Saturday morning cartoons."
"She is," Marisa says. "I'm going to be sleeping."
"Not if your brothers are there," Brittany points out.
Marisa groans.
"Why not go to Brittany's?" Rachel asks.
"It's my parents' anniversary," Brittany replies. "I'm trying to give them as much privacy as possible. It's why I'm spending the weekend at Marisa's"
Rachel is incredibly curious what Marisa said to convince her mom to approve her girlfriend spending the weekend, but now probably isn't the time to ask. "Fair enough."
"Okay," Brittany says. "We're gonna go. See you later, Rachel."
"Bye Rachel," Marisa adds as Brittany drags her towards the door.
The front door slams shut and Rachel is left alone in the kitchen, staring at the list.
…
She's at the kitchen table outlining a plan when Santana arrives an hour later.
"Hey babe," Santana greets, heading straight for the coffee pot. "Whatcha doing?"
"Oh, Britt and Marisa stopped by to discuss Brittany's birthday."
"I asked her last week what she wanted to do and she said it was taken care of," Santana huffs, sitting next to Rachel at the table.
"Well it is now," Rachel replies. "Marisa and I are going to take care of it."
"So there's nothing I can do?"
"You can take care of the first one, if you want," Rachel says, sliding Brittany's list over to Santana.
"Why me?"
"Because Quinn is your best friend," Rachel replies.
"So?"
"San."
"Fine. For B."
"Your massive effort will be greatly appreciated," Rachel says, sarcastically.
…
Monday morning, Figgins can only groan when he enters his office. Everything is wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper. Everything. Well, except for his chair.
He's impressed with the dedication to a task, but the prospect of clean up makes him groan. He slumps into his leather desk chair and begins unwrapping the phone. Maybe Tony has something to make this process go faster.
…
Because covering in Figgin's office with Christmas wrapping paper is more subtle than the previous few pranks, Rachel doesn't really hear anything about it until lunch time.
She and Marisa are sitting at the corner of a table, discussing Brittany's birthday when Mike plops down across from her.
"Hey."
"Hi Mike."
"Hey Mike."
"So seems that the prankster gave Figgins a belated Christmas present," Mike grins.
"Oh?"
"What does that mean?" Marisa asks.
"I guess someone covered Figgins' office with Christmas wrapping paper, including the walls, the windows, the cabinets, his desk, even the stapler on his desk."
"A sign of excellent fine motor skills," Marisa replies.
Mike smirks. "A few people managed to snap pictures of it before they started taking it down."
"Personally, I think he should have kept it up," Kurt says, sitting down next to Mike. "Festive."
"Do you think the stapler still worked with wrapping paper around it?" Mercedes asks, sitting next to Kurt.
"I don't see why not," Mike says.
"It's a weird prank," Mercedes says. "Why do you think sparked it?"
"Wrapping paper being eighty percent off," Kurt replies.
"Whatever works," Mike says.
"I think it's awesome," Noah says, sitting next to Rachel. "Bout time the prankster started harassing Figgins again and left the rest of us alone."
Mike chuckles as Rachel shoots Noah a pointed look.
"That is definitely a sentiment I can agree with," Kurt adds. "Though I must admit I'm actually starting to question if Santana really is the prankster."
"Considering that she says she isn't," Mike says. "That's probably a good thing."
"Yeah," Noah adds. "Keep up the accusations and she might just kick your ass one day."
"Like Rachel would let her," Kurt retorts.
"Assuming she'd listen," Noah counters.
"I'm pretty sure she would," Kurt replies. "She's held back on a hell of a lot of things cause of Rachel."
"Stopping slushies hardly count, Kurt," Rachel says.
"So you're saying you'd let Santana beat me up?"
"Of course not," Rachel replies. "But I don't think it'd ever come to that, anyway."
"I do," Noah pipes up.
"Drama whore," Marisa mutters.
Noah glares at her as best he can from his position next to Rachel.
Mike, meanwhile, chuckles again. "She's got your number."
"Shut it, Chang," Noah growls.
…
"So what? Now you're some sort of prank wish full filling fairy?" Santana asks as she walks Rachel to her car.
Santana has Cheerios practice and Rachel has a voice lesson to get to, but they've barely seen each other all day and so Santana can't help but walk her girlfriend to her car.
Rachel half shrugs. "I don't know. While I enjoy pulling pranks, I have to admit part of me has lost interest. I feel like the challenge I relished before has diminished greatly. So now, if there's something someone wants to try, I don't see a reason not to."
"Besides the usual ones of getting caught?"
"I find it difficult to say no to Noah when he pleads like he did," Rachel replies.
"And Mike and Artie?"
"It was fun."
"I still worry, babe."
"I know, San," Rachel says. "I am being careful."
Santana shoots her a rather incredulous look, but her response is cut off by someone coughing behind them.
They turn and find Becky standing there.
"Coach looking for me?" Santana asks.
Becky nods. "You're in trouble."
Santana sighs. "Figures. Fine." She turns to Rachel. "I'll call you later, babe. But this discussion isn't over."
Rachel just leans in and kisses Santana lightly. "Have fun at practice," she tells Santana. "See you later, Becky."
"Bye Rachel."
Becky stands next to Santana as they watch Rachel climb into her car and pull out of the parking lot.
"I guess we better go," Santana grumbles once Rachel's car is out of sight.
Becky nods and the two of them head inside towards the gym.
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, Puck, Artie, Brittany/Marisa, Mike/Wendy, Tina
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "So what? Now you're some sort of prank wish full filling fairy?" Santana asks.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~9,175
Spoilers: just references to previous stories.
A/N: Follows Worrisome to Watch. Puck's prank idea came from bradstev, though I tweaked it a bit based off of Wizards of Waverly Place 3x11.
2nd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
series masterlist
Monday morning, Santana is shocked to realize that Coach Sylvester is going easy on her. She actually pinches herself to make sure she's not dreaming. Or suffering from a severe concussion.
The pain is real and sharp, so apparently her girlfriend's power of persuasion knows no bounds, especially if she was able to convince Coach Sylvester to actually relax, even if it's just a smidge.
Santana finds this incredibly hot. She wishes she wasn't still sore because it's going to be really tough to keep her hands off Rachel the rest of the day.
…
Rachel supposes she shouldn't be surprised when Artie corners her Monday morning, demanding that they pull a prank together, though she is. She expected him to come up with a group idea first for some reason. He'd been so gung ho about it during winter break.
She agrees to meet him during lunch in the choir room so they can talk.
…
Santana's becoming paranoid. It feels like everyone's staring at her. She knows no one can see the bruises; she made sure of that before leaving the house this morning. And no one commented during Cheerios' practice.
Though, upon reflection, she does remember getting some odd looks from the others in the locker room.
She'll have to ask Britt if she heard anything.
…
Of course privacy doesn't seem to be something they've earned today. When Artie and Rachel enter the choir room, they find Brittany in the corner making out with Marisa.
"Sorry," Rachel says.
Marisa buries her head against her girlfriend's shoulder, while Brittany response is to smirk.
"We'll just go somewhere else," Rachel tells them.
"Nah," Brittany replies. "Marisa supposed to be having lunch with her Chem lab partner to go over a project anyway. I should probably stop distracting her.”
Rachel looks at Marisa who nods her confirmation. Still she asks, "You sure?"
Brittany nods as she pulls Marisa up with her. "See you guys." And then Brittany drags Marisa out of the room.
"That was…random," Artie says.
"That's Britt," Rachel shrugs.
"So I have an idea, but I'm not sure if it's too crazy," Artie says as they settle down to eat.
"All right."
Artie pulls out a sandwich. "At first I wanted to flood the school, but I thought that just might be too dangerous. So how about we flood it with marbles? Just like ankle deep."
"And what happens when someone opens the door?" Rachel asks.
"Hmmm. Good point," Artie agrees. "I guess we'd have to put up damns of sort."
"That would work," Rachel says. "We'll have to figure out what to use, how tall the damns should be, how to attach it and how we're going to get all the stuff here."
"Well the Durango can carry a lot," Artie says.
"That it does," Rachel agrees. "Um… Are you going to be able to wheel through marbles with your chair?"
"I don't know," Artie replies. "I've never tried."
"That might need to be investigated," Rachel tells him.
They spend the rest of lunch planning as Artie's giddiness seems to increase.
…
Santana's thankful that Brittany's already in the lunch room when she arrives. Her paranoia is reaching epic levels.
"Hi S," Brittany chirps when Santana sits next to her.
"Hey B."
"What's wrong?"
"People are weird today," Santana replies.
"People are weird every day."
"I know, but everyone's been extra weird around me today."
"Everyone's afraid of you," Quinn growls, sitting across from Santana.
"Why?"
"Because thanks to Wendy Kory, everyone knows that you kicked the ass of a three hundred pound boxer this weekend."
"Of course."
"Man the whole school is buzzing about you, Santana,” Mike says, sitting next to Quinn.
“Because your damn girlfriend can’t keep her mouth shut,” Santana retorts.
“In fairness, did you tell her to?” Brittany questions.
“No,” Santana grumbles.
“I don’t see why you’re pissed,” Quinn says. “You’re officially the scariest person at McKinley at the moment.”
“Well I don’t want to be,” Santana hisses. “I just wanted to finish the semester and escape this hell hole.”
“Well then you should have informed your entourage of that,” Mike says.
“I didn’t want a damn entourage to begin with,” Santana tells him.
“After lunch, can we see if the hallway parts for you?” Brittany asks. “Like the Red Sea?”
“Seriously B?”
“No bible references, please,” Quinn says.
“You’ve always been a BAMF,” Mike adds. “What’s the difference now?”
“If you show people all your strong cards, it’s tougher to out maneuver them, later,” Santana answers.
“We have four months left,” Quinn points out. “How much maneuvering do you really need to do?”
Santana grins. “You have no idea.”
“Ominous,” Mike mutters.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Quinn demands.
”Santana’s got her fingers in a lot of pies,” Brittany offers.
"Dirty," Mike mutters, grinning.
“Because now you’re part of some big con-“
“Yeah,” Santana interrupts Quinn. “Something like that.”
Santana and Quinn share a hard stare for a moment.
“I think I liked it better when I didn’t know anything,” Quinn says, blinking.
“Ignorance is bliss,” Brittany says.
…
Artie gives Rachel a ride home after school, so they can discuss specifics of the prank.
Artie's excitement shows and they spend the short drive from McKinley singing along to the radio at the top of their lungs.
They spend the afternoon planning and plotting. They seem to be on the same page, though Rachel does have to rein Artie in a bit sometimes. His ideas and ambitions are a bit out of their abilities. Still, it's never hostile; Artie seems to bow to Rachel's experience gained knowledge gracefully.
It's a fun afternoon and as she walks Artie out, Rachel feels a bit of sadness that they don't have the four years of friendship in their history that she'd always hoped for. But not one to dwell in the past, Rachel decides to just enjoy the next four months.
Better late than never, right?
…
Santana is very surprised that Rachel doesn’t bring up her new status at school. At first, she thinks that maybe Rachel hasn’t heard, but she quickly dismisses that. If nothing else, Britt would have told her.
And then Santana wonders if anyone treated Rachel any different because of the rumors floating around about her. Santana prays that, if so, it wasn’t too negative.
Not that Rachel can’t take care of herself.
“You’re quiet,” Santana says finally.
“Long day, I suppose.”
“Yeah?”
“Nothing too unusual,” Rachel continues. “Today just felt more hectic than other Mondays.”
“So no one gave you a hard time today?” Santana asks.
“And risk the wrath of my girlfriend, the biggest, bitchiest badass on the block?”
“Um…”
“No one would risk that, tiger,” Rachel says. “Your rep may become the stuff of legends, I think.”
Santana groans.
“I would have thought you’d be pleased.”
Santana sighs. “I would have thought so, too. But everyone was so damn awkward around me today. It’s annoying.”
“You say that like you’re not annoyed with people at McKinley on a daily basis.”
Santana snorts. “Yeah. Yeah. I know.”
Rachel is quiet for a moment before asking, "Are you mad that everyone knows or that the decision was taken from you?"
Santana sighs. "The second one."
"I know it's not ideal, but it'll be okay."
"I just can't wait until we're out of here," Santana replies. "Out there conquering the world, leaving Lima in our dust."
"That does sound lovely," Rachel agrees. "Only a few more months."
Santana wonders about the wistfulness she nears in Rachel's voice. It's not as if she actually likes Lima. She supposes it's just another random bout of nostalgia that Rachel seems to have lately.
…
The biggest obstacle to pulling off Artie’s prank is waiting for the materials. She appreciates his ambition, but Rachel wonders if he realizes how much work they have ahead of them.
Probably not.
Rachel supposes he’ll know soon enough. She wonders if all the effort will stop him from wanting to pull a group prank.
Again, probably not.
It’ll just mean he wants more help. And though Rachel knows she’ll say yes, it worries her. More people also equals more problems.
…
“Morning Rach.”
“Oh, hello, Mike.”
“Do you have a sec?”
“For you? Always,” Rachel replies, closing her locker.
They walk down the hall, side by side and end up in the choir room.
“So what’s up?”
“You remember over break when Artie suggested a group prank and you agreed?”
“I do,” Rachel nods.
“Does that mean you’d be up for pulling one with me?”
“I take it you have something in mind?” Rachel prompts.
Mike nods eagerly. “I was hoping you could get a hold of that catapult again.”
“Probably,” Rachel replies. “Though I’m not sure I approve repeating a prank.”
“It’s not a repeat,” Mike insists. “It’s a variation of pranks past.”
Rachel doesn’t bother holding back her chuckle.
“Laugh all you want, but it sounded good in my head.”
“Fine. I’ll look into the catapult situation and we can talk next week? Okay?”
“Works for me,” Mike says. “Thanks Rach.”
…
There's a small part of Rachel that feels bad about the fear that Santana's very presence seems to cause. She mostly ignores it and tries to enjoy the perks of dating the scariest bitch in school.
Digging through her locker, Rachel almost misses the slight cough that announces the Cheerios' presence. Leaning slightly around her locker door she finds two familiar faces staring back.
"Wendy. Missy."
"Hi Rachel," Wendy waves.
"Hey Berry."
After a moment, Rachel asks, "Is there something specific you wanted? Or are you just here to stare at me?"
"We just wanted to thank you," Wendy says.
"For what?"
"Stopping Santana from kicking the crap out of us and then throwing us in a dumpster," Wendy answers.
"I don't think Cheerios are allowed to be thrown in dumpsters," Rachel tells her. "But you're welcome."
"Be honest with me, Rach," Missy says.
"All right."
"Even though both Wendy and Mike have confirmed it for me," Missy says. "I'm still not sure I believe it. I mean, I know Lopez is badass as hell, otherwise you wouldn't be with her. But there's no way in hell she won that chess boxing match."
"Why not?"
"Second in command to Fabray?" Missy questions. "I just don't see it. The enforcer just doesn't have it in her."
Rachel sighs. Closing her eyes, she counts to ten slowly. When she opens her eyes again, they are dark and angry. "Missy. You need to stop talking. Because if you don't, I'll be forced to do something unpleasant to you and I'm in a bit of a hurry this morning."
"Rachel she didn't mean anything by it," Wendy tries.
"That's nice of you to say, Wendy," Rachel replies. "But we both know that's not true."
"Your girl can take care of herself, you know," Missy smirks.
"I know she can," Rachel says. "But that didn't stop me from raining hell down on the last girl to insult San in my presence. And unless you apologize, I'm afraid I'll be forced to seek vengeance."
Missy scoffs and then bursts out laughing at the determined look on Rachel's face. This earns a sharp elbow from Wendy, who looks very concerned.
"Last chance, Watters," Rachel warns.
Missy is now laughing so hard that she's leaning against the lockers.
Rachel turns to Wendy. "I did warn her, right?"
Wendy nods.
"Okay then. I'll see you two around."
…
Santana's surprised to find Rachel already at lunch, sitting on a table and facing the entrance of the lunch room.
"Hey babe," she greets. "What's up?"
"Oh good you made it before the show started," Rachel says.
"What show?"
"Did it happen yet?" Brittany asks.
"No, but I figure any moment now," Rachel answers.
"What the hell are you two crazies talking about?" Santana demands.
"Rachel's defending your honor again," Brittany whispers loudly.
"Do I even want to know?"
"I don't know, San," Brittany replies. "Do you?"
Santana has no idea, so she joins Rachel and Brittany and watches the door.
A few minutes later, Missy Watters and Wendy Kory enter with a couple other Cheerios. A moment later, Puck and Mike appear. They push their way towards Missy and pick her up; Mike has her legs and Puck slips his arms under hers and they carry her out of the lunch room.
The moment that Puck and Mike appear, Rachel is standing. As they exit the lunch room, Rachel immediately follows, as does Brittany and a still puzzled Santana. A number of others in the lunch room trail after them.
The entire time, Rachel tries not to smirk too much as she hears Missy struggling, screaming, cursing and trying to get away. She supposes this is a bit cruel, but she's tired of dealing with Missy. Wendy isn't so bad; if Mike likes her, then Rachel can too; but Missy has earned no such leniency. Rachel also hates that she thinks being a Cheerio will protect her.
They end up on the football field where a dumpster sits. When Missy sees it, she really starts struggling and screaming to be let go. No one responds, simply following and watching.
Though she's glad no one's offering to help, Rachel finds herself disgusted with the sheep that she's surrounded by.
"How come none of the Cheerios or jocks are helping her?" Tina asks, suddenly appearing at Rachel's side.
"They know my wrath is more fearsome," Rachel smirks. "Besides, who's going to stop Noah and Mike?"
"Good point," Tina chuckles.
Instead of tossing her in, like everyone expects, the guys raise Missy high enough so they can hold her over the dumpster. They then slowly lower her down, which is extremely difficult with her fighting and hollering. Rachel figures her increase in volume is due to now knowing her fate.
When Puck and Mike let go, everyone else is shocked when they hear a splashing noise.
"What the fuck?" Santana says.
"Oh, it's filled with grape slushie," Rachel says. "Crude and over done I know, but I was in a bit of a hurry this morning. It makes my point well, though, I believe."
"And what exactly was your point?" Santana asks.
"That speaking ill of you isn't a wise idea," Rachel answers. "Besides, even after everything, she's still not backing down, not completely. I suppose I got tired of it."
"What did she say?"
"She implied that you're all brawn and no brain."
"She wouldn't be the first," Santana says.
"Perhaps," Rachel agrees. "But I gave her several opportunities to apologize and she didn't. So I took action."
"Thanks babe."
They, along with everyone else, watch as Missy struggles in the slushie as she tries to get out.
"I take it you guys emptied the dumpster?"
"Actually, apparently my bro here knows when the dumpster is emptied," Puck says joining them.
"That is so weird babe," Santana says.
"Knowledge is power."
"Are you quoting School House Rock?" Tina asks.
"So? That doesn't make it any less true."
"No judgment here," Tina replies. "Just checking."
"How did you get that much slushie so quickly?" Brittany asks.
"Technically it's just shaved ice from the ice arena," Rachel replies. "And then I added red and blue food coloring."
"Should we be concerned about her dying of hypothermia?" Mike asks. "After all, it is January."
"Nah," Rachel says. "Help should be coming any moment."
The others follow her line of sight as two janitors appear on the field with a ladder and some towels. Everyone watches as they set the ladder in the dumpster and Missy gingerly crawls out. They hand her a few towels which she immediately wraps around herself and runs inside. They used the left over towel to clean the ladder off and then head back inside the school.
"Huh," Puck says. "Did that really happen?"
"Thanks for your help, guys," Rachel says. "Couldn’t have done it without you."
"Uh huh."
"Course, bro," Puck replies. "Anything to get that chick off your back."
"Where did you get all that food coloring so fast?" Tina asks.
"Apparently McKinley is ready for a ton of Easter egg dying," Rachel replies. "There's tons in the kitchen."
"How did you know that?" Mike asks.
"How do you think?"
"Right. Prankster snooping."
"Do you really think this will get her to back off?" Brittany asks. "She's rather tenacious."
Rachel chuckles as Tina, Mike and Puck look stunned at Brittany's word choice. "We can only hope."
…
When Rachel enters glee that afternoon, almost everyone else is there already. She sits in the front row next to Artie and Tina and then watches in amusement as Kurt and Mercedes stand and move to the back far corner.
"I take it they heard about Missy," Rachel says to Tina.
She nods. "Of course. The whole school is buzzing. Though most people think it was Santana, not you."
"I figured as much."
"Aren't you worried that people will start to put things together?" Mike asks, sitting down next to Rachel.
"Dumping someone in a dumpster full of slushie is hardly creative," Rachel replies.
"I think he means your ability to pull things together so quickly," Artie interjects. "I mean, I assume whatever upset you happened this morning."
"And not yesterday," Tina continues. "That means you set all that up before lunch."
"I mean if it was just me and Puck throwing someone in a dumpster, that's no big deal," Mike says. "But the slushie and the janitors, well, that's impressive."
"Perhaps," Rachel allows. "But the idiots at this school are impressed by shiny objects."
"Still, maybe you should be a bit more careful, Rach," Artie says.
"Says the guy who blurted it out in a room full of people," Rachel retorts.
Artie grins, embarrassed. "I really thought everyone knew."
"It's fine, Artie," Rachel replies. "But you see my point?"
"We're just concerned, Rach," Mike says.
"Really," Tina adds.
Rachel sighs. "Fine. Perhaps I let my temper get away from me for a moment. I won't let it happen again."
Their conversation is halted when Mr. Schue enters the choir room, only five minutes late.
…
"Just when I think you're the awesomest girlfriend ever, you go and do something even more crazy and more awesome," Santana says as she drives to Rachel's after glee.
"Awesomest is not a word, Santana," Rachel chastises.
"I know. You're so amazing that I have to make up words to describe you, babe."
"Sweet talker."
"I mean, seriously," Santana continues. "Was all that really because she called me stupid?"
"Yes."
"Hmph. Probably should have just stuck with slut like everyone else."
"That would have garnered a similar response," Rachel replies.
"I don't see why," Santana says. "She wouldn't be the first or the last. Seems like a whole hell of effort."
"You'd be worth all that effort even if she just implied you were a slut, San," Rachel says, turning in her seat to face Santana. "I just hate that no one sees all your amazing potential, tiger. You're so much more than they see you as."
"I could say the same about you, babe."
"See. Sweet talker."
…
Sue is surprised to find Missy Kory waiting for her when she arrives Wednesday morning. Not only is it insanely early, but Sue can count on one hand the number of times she’s seen Kory without Watters; not that she keeps track of that sort of thing.
Sue ignores her as she sits at her desk. The blonde follows and sits quietly in one of the chairs in front of Sue’s desk. Sue continues to go through her usual morning routine. She feels Missy’s eyes on her, but ignores then until it becomes too irritating.
“What?!”
“I need retribution.”
“Pardon?”
“I was mega slushied yesterday,” Missy says. “I need retribution.”
“How is that my problem?”
“I thought Cheerios were above all that,” Missy continues. “And as the highest authority at this school, I was hoping you could step in and rectify the situation.”
“I don’t believe that anything needs to be rectified,” Sue replies.
“So what? Because she’s Lopez’s girlfriend, she’s immune?”
“I’m sure Berry had her reasons,” Sue says.
“So you’re not going to take any action against her?”
“If Berry slushied you, then I’m sure you more than deserved it,” Sue replies. “Having been on the receiving end of dozens, she wouldn’t do it to someone else without reason.”
“What if it was a stupid reason?” Missy asks.
“Was it?”
“I, uh… I think it was.”
“And what was it?” Sue asks.
“Um, well, what it was, isn’t important,” Missy stutters.
“Well then retribution isn’t necessary, is it?” Sue questions, smirking. “So none will be handed out by me. And if I hear of you trying anything, I’ll have no problem kicking you off the squad.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Wouldn’t I?”
Missy tries to keep Sue’s stare, but after a few seconds, she lets her eyes drop.
“Dismissed,” Sue says.
Missy nods dejectedly and slumps out.
…
Wednesday during lunch, Rachel finds herself in Coach Sylvester's office.
"I thought slushies were banned," she says to Rachel.
"Technically, it was shaved ice and food coloring," Rachel answers.
"And you think those cretins realize that?"
"Hardly," Rachel scoffs. "But if you're concerned about this being a sign that the ban can be broken, I doubt it."
"Or you opened up my Cheerios for attack."
"Good. It's nice to see the shoe on the other foot, so to speak."
"Look, I've put up with you messing with the social order because I found it amusing and it hasn't meddled with my plans," Coach Sylvester says. "But if this shake up affects their performances, I may have to reconsider my position on you Berry."
"No offense, Coach, but if they're Cheerios, shouldn't they be used to so much more abuse?" Rachel questions. "After all, you're hardly… sweet to them."
"You're right about that," Coach Sylvester agrees. "But what about next year after you're gone? Do you really think this ban is going to last?"
Rachel doesn't answer immediately. "I suppose I never thought about that."
"You have to be careful how you wield the power, Berry," Coach Sylvester says.
"I'll keep that in mind, Coach."
…
Friday morning, Rachel is practically accosted at her locker by an exuberant Artie.
"I take it that they've arrived," Rachel says.
"Planning session at lunch?"
"You've figured out those specifics?"
Artie nods.
"See you then."
"Later Rach," Artie says, before speeding down the halls.
Watching him, Rachel shakes her head, a bit of disbelief at his excitement.
…
"So you and Artie have been spending a lot of time together," Puck says Friday night.
They're playing Rampage on the old Nintendo because Puck claimed he was feeling nostalgic and bored.
"I suppose," Rachel replies. "I think this prankster thing has made me much more interesting to him."
"That's awful cynical of you, bro," Puck says. "I mean, you're cool to hang with."
"Says the guy who only started hanging out with me after I handcuffed my girlfriend to a bed," Rachel replies wryly.
"Not just any girl though," Puck says. "Santana fucking Lopez."
"So?"
"Don't pretend you don't know why that's a big deal, Rach," Puck tells her. "It's insulting to me, your girl and yourself."
"That's a lot of insulting I just did."
…
Knowing she has an exhausting night ahead of her, Rachel sleeps in Sunday morning. She and Santana spend most of the day in bed at Santana's prompting, though Rachel doesn't even pretend to argue.
Spending time like this with Santana is more than Rachel ever hoped for from her high school romance. She feels like she's found the one and it scares her. Does she feel this way because it's true or because her youth and romantic notions are telling her so?
Wrapped up in Santana's arms, basking in the afterglow, Rachel can't imagine feeling any more complete with anyone else. Maybe ending it with Santana is a bad idea. After all, high school romances do sometimes last. She and Santana are certainly tenacious enough to fight for the relationship. That was certainly proven last year with all the obstacles thrown their way.
Santana seems willing to fight, so where is Rachel's reluctance coming from?
…
Citing a busy week, Rachel doesn't spend the night at the Lopez house. Instead when she arrives home, she changes into all black and begins to load her car with the necessary materials. Just before midnight, she heads to McKinley. The streets are deserted as usual.
When she arrives, she begins unloading and setting up as she waits for Artie. The dark red Durango appears moments later, so they quickly enter the building and begin setting up. Having already planned everything out, they get done rather quickly and so they head back out to the parking lot for the final stash of golf balls that is in Artie's Durango.
Artie back the vehicle as close to the side door as possible. Rachel sets up the ramp with walls she made. Artie then unlocks the back and they both watch as the golf balls begin rolling down the ramp and into the school.
It barely makes a dent and Artie is extremely glad that Rachel insisted that they didn't bring all the of the golf balls over tonight. It's exhausting to just think about.
Instead, he hands Rachel a rope ladder and puts away the ramp as Rachel heads back inside. After making sure that all traces of them have been removed, Rachel heads up to the roof.
There she finds the one hundred and thirty tons of golf balls that she and Artie have managed to smuggle onto the roof. Considering there are over one hundred and fifty thousand golf balls up here, Rachel still can't believe no one noticed. She wonders if it's because it's winter; after all, everyone just assumed all the white was snow.
She finds the vent that leads down into the auditorium and opens it. She then starts the flow of golf balls and listens as they all roll down the vent and into the school. As she watches the balls fall, she hopes they didn't miss a door. To make sure the golf balls flood the entire school, even the bathrooms and teachers' offices, every day in the school had to be opened. Having attended McKinley for nearly four years, Rachel's pretty sure that she and Artie found every one, but it only takes them missing one for things to not work out exactly right.
When every single ball has gone through the vent, Rachel closes the vent and walks to the edge of the building. She secures the rope ladder on two large hooks and lets it drop down the side of the building. She then begins the slow and awkward process of climbing down.
The ladder's not quite long enough and she has to drop the last six feet. Artie finds an old mattress and sets it under her. As she hits it with a grunt, she tries not to think about where Artie found the mattress, or how he managed to get it where it needed to be. She quickly climbs off and then helps Artie return it to the dumpster. It's awkward and grueling, but somehow they manage it.
There's still some time to get some sleep before school, so they part with a fist bump, get into their vehicles and drive home.
…
Rachel supposes arrives at school the next morning with Artie might look suspicious, but she figures only to those who know to look.
Once again, most of the school is outside waiting in the parking lot. Considering the weather, most people look pretty pissed.
"What's the hold up?" Artie asks Tina, who's standing with Kurt and Mercedes.
"Prankster," Kurt answers.
"If school's going to be canceled, we should just go," Artie says. "I mean, it's freezing out here. They can't expect us to stay out here and wait while they… I don't know."
"For once, I'm annoyed with the prankster," Mercedes pipes up. "I appreciate the warning that we may be standing outside for a while, but can't Santana have chosen something that wouldn't keep us outside in the cold all morning."
"How many times am I going to have to deny that I'm the prankster," Santana says, appearing next to Rachel. She laces their hands together. "Besides, this was obviously done by someone more insane than me."
"What makes you say that?" Artie asks.
"And if you're not the prankster, then how do you know what the prank is?" Kurt asks.
"I don't," Santana replies. "But standing outside in the middle of winter is not my idea of a good time. So no matter what it is, making us wait out here is insane."
Rachel lightly elbows Santana.
"I think it's fun," Brittany adds. "We should have a snow ball fight or something."
"We're not making snow angels, Britt," Rachel says.
"You never let me have any fun, Rachy," Brittany pouts.
"So I don't think school's going to be canceled," Puck says, joining the group.
"Then what's the hold up?" Mercedes asks.
"Seems that the entire school is filled ankle deep with golf balls."
"Golf balls?" Kurt questions.
"That's what I heard."
"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Kurt says.
"Seriously?" Tina asks. "Of all the things that the prankster has pulled, this is the most ridiculous?"
"Yeah, it almost seems tame," Mercedes adds.
"I'm a fan of the never ending orange line," Brittany says.
"You would be," Rachel teases.
Brittany just smirks.
"What makes you say that they're sending us home, Puckerman?" Santana asks.
Puck shrugs. "Just overheard some stuff."
"If it's golf balls, why don't they just open the doors?" Mercedes asks. "Yeah, it'll be a lot of fucking golf balls, but if they open the gym doors, it's not like too much damage will be done."
"Apparently there are damns set up in each door way," Puck explains. "And they can't remove them."
"The janitors don't have screw guns?" Artie asks. "Because then this school has the worst budget ever."
"I'm willing to bet they're not just screwed down," Santana says.
"Because you know how they were attached," Kurt interrupts.
"Because otherwise, we wouldn't still be standing out here," Santana finishes.
"Oooh, maybe they used crazy glue," Brittany says. "That stuff is unstickable."
"Unstickable isn't a word," Rachel mutters.
Brittany just smiles.
"What are they going to do with all the golf balls when this is all over?" Tina asks.
"I guess the golf team won't be lacking in balls," Rachel says.
Puck bursts out laughing. Everyone gives him varying looks, Rachel with a fond annoyance to Mercedes who just looks irritated.
"Whatever," Puck scoffs. "If you guys can't appreciate an inappropriate ball joke, I can't talk to you anymore."
"Good," Santana says. "Just stand there and pretend you're pretty then."
…
They're all eventually ushered into school. It takes a bit of effort to get Artie and his chair in, but between Puck, Santana, Tina and Brittany, they manage. Of course, maneuvering through all the golf balls takes a little more muscle than Artie's used to, but the sense of pride he feels at seeing his idea in the real world is enough to make it worth it. Besides, with this sort of effort, he could build some insane arm muscles.
"Is that your reason for coming up with this idea?" Tina asks Artie as he sorts through his locker.
"Not exactly," he answers. "Just a bonus."
"Do I even want to know where you got all these golf balls?"
"I don't know. Do you?"
Tina sighs. "I wish your giddiness was contagious."
"I do too."
…
In hindsight, Rachel's surprised there hasn't been that much golf ball related injuries. And by that, she means the morons of the school assaulting their unsuspecting peers with them. She supposes it hasn't occurred to them, which she's relieved about.
She decides to eat lunch in the choir room, not in the mood for Kurt's speculation. Besides, she needs to make some follow up calls to ensure that she has a catapult for next week. Not wanting to go through the same source as last time, it's taking a bit more effort. She really thought she knew more than one place to get a catapult; she finds herself oddly disappointed in herself. At least the Saunders' brothers will still be handling the pick up.
Thankfully, Mike is working on the trigger, so it's one less thing she has to worry about.
Rachel doesn't look up when the door opens, hoping whoever it is will leave upon seeing her. Instead, they timidly walk over and sit next to Rachel.
Who looks up to find a sheepish looking Marisa sitting next to her.
"Oh hello, Marisa."
"Hey Rach. Sorry to interrupt."
"It's fine." Rachel smiles. "You're not who I was hiding from."
"Oh. Okay."
"So. What's up?"
"Well, Brittany's birthday is coming up."
Rachel nods.
"And we've been going out for about five months now."
"Okay," Rachel says. "Are you not sure what to get her?"
"Not exactly," Marisa replies. "Do you mind coming over this afternoon? I want to ask something, but not here."
"Sure," Rachel says. "Though I hope you drove, because I caught a ride from Artie."
"Uh, no," Maria replies. "My mom needed the car."
"Oh. Um, okay. No problem. Just meet me by my locker after school."
"Okay. See you then."
…
The golf ball debacle is the breaking point for Figgins. Once the clean up process has begun, he sits down at his computer to find a solution.
First, he goes over his budget to see what is even feasible. He's willing to cut a few corners if it means ridding himself of the prankster once and for all.
After the numbers have been crunched, he looks at the dismally small digits in front of him and fights the urge to give up.
Instead, he goes online and begins searching for ideas that will fall within his miniscule budget.
…
Artie's exuberance about the successful prank is almost overwhelming. Rachel's half afraid he's going to crash the vehicle because he seems to be bouncing in his seat the entire drive from McKinley to Rachel's house. But it also meant that when Rachel asked if he minded giving Marisa a ride as well, he easily agreed.
"Thanks for the ride," Rachel says, getting out of the Durango.
"No prob, Rach," Artie replies. "Thanks for the prank. It was awesome. Even if my arms are practically numb."
"It was something different, that's for sure," Rachel agrees.
Not even bothering to go into the house, Marisa follows Rachel into the garage and both climb into the car. It's a quick drive to Marisa's house. They make it there right before Marisa's brothers arrive home from school.
Rachel makes them all a snack and then the boys plant themselves in front of the TV to play video games.
They head up to Marisa’s room, which Rachel nervous; what could Marisa want to talk about? Rachel settles on the bed as Marisa paces in front of her.
“Can I ask you something really personal and maybe inappropriate?” Marisa asks, finally.
“You can ask,” Rachel says, cautiously.
Marisa chuckles sardonically. “Fair enough.” She stops pacing and looks at Rachel. “How long were you and Santana going out before you had sex?”
“Um…”
“Too personal,” Marisa says. “I know. Never mind.”
“No, I mean, well, yes,” Rachel replies. “But actually…” Rachel sighs. “I’m embarrassed to say that Santana and I did the whole courtship backwards.”
“What does that mean?”
“We had sex before we started dating-before we were really even friends.”
“Oh. Was Santana your first?” Marisa asks.
“Unfortunately not,” Rachel replies.
“Unfortunately?”
“Mine was given under false pretense,” Rachel explains.
“Oh.”
"A story for another time."
"Okay."
“Is Britt pushing for, uh, sex?” Rachel asks.
Marisa shakes her head. “I mean, we do stuff, but…”
“The first time is always a bit nerve wracking.”
“I have a gift already picked out,” Marisa says. “But part of me wonders if her birthday would be a good time for our first time.”
“Okay.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
“It’s whatever you’re comfortable with, Marisa,” Rachel says. “As long as you don’t feel pressured.”
Marisa sighs.
“Do you feel pressured?”
“It’s just… Brittany. I think I’ve been ready for a while, but I’m scared. She has so much experience and I have almost none.”
“That doesn’t matter,” Rachel says.
“I mean how am I supposed to measure up?” Marisa continues, as if she hasn’t heard Rachel. “Not to mention the fact that she’s had a threesome with you and your girlfriend.”
“Uh…”
“It’s just a lot to take in.”
“I can see that,” Rachel agrees.
Marisa nods and they lapse into silence.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about, you know,” Rachel says eventually.
"Still…"
"But you can at least understand where my apprehension comes from."
"Um, I don't want to offend, but no one's saying you have to have sex with Britt. Ever."
"I know," Marisa says. "I want to though. I just…"
"Having performance anxiety?"
Marisa chuckles. "Yeah."
"Do you think talking to Britt would help?" Rachel asks.
"That sounds awkward."
"Well if you can't discuss sex, then you shouldn't be having it."
Marisa stares at Rachel for a moment. "That sounds like something straight out of one of Ms. Pillsbury's pamphlets."
"Yes, well, it's what my fathers drilled into my head when we had "the talk"," Rachel explains.
"Oh. Awkward."
"Very," Rachel agrees. "But they meant well."
"Parents."
Rachel nods. "You really should talk to Britt. She'll completely understand."
"I know," Marisa replies. "I Just can't help but feel embarrassed."
"It'll work out."
"Can we talk about something else now, please?" Marisa asks.
…
"So have you decided what you want to put in the catapult basket?" Rachel asks Mike.
He's driving her to school Wednesday morning because she just got confirmation on the catapult the night before and it seems the easiest and quickest way to talk.
"I was thinking yellow snow," Mike smirks. "Well, snow balls. That way they'll hit a lot more people."
"Yellow snow?"
"Food coloring," Mike answers. "You mentioned that they have a ton of it in the school kitchen."
"They do," Rachel agrees.
"Then we can grab a bunch," Mike says. "I bet they have a ton of yellow. No one ever uses yellow, but you can't buy just certain colors. Everyone always has an excess of yellow."
"Everyone always says that," Rachel replies. "But that's not necessarily true. People forget that yellow is essential in making plenty of other colors like orange."
"Orange is the only color you could come up with?" Mike teases.
"It's early."
"Please, we know you've been up for hours."
"Well then I've already used up my early morning thinking brain cells," Rachel retorts.
"That doesn't even make any sense."
…
Rachel's glad she had the forethought to have the Saunders brothers pick up the catapult because neither she or Mike has the vehicle to transport it over. The other necessary materials take up enough room in her and Mike's car, anyway.
Why Mike wants the prank to happen on a Tuesday, she doesn't quite understand. But it's his prank, sort of, and so she just agrees.
They meet at 12:30 a.m. Tuesday morning and begin setting up the pulley system to get the catapult and snow up on the roof. Since it's been over a week since it snowed, the roof is clear of snow. Rachel knows this because she checked the day before.
When the Saunders brothers show up an hour later, everything is set up and ready. They skip the pleasantries and quickly begin the process of getting everything on the roof.
Once the catapult is on the roof and in place, they bid good bye to the Saunders brothers and continue working. Once they have enough yellow snow, it all goes in the basket. Next they set up the trigger.
Mike pockets the disposable phone that will act as the trigger and they start cleaning up the mess. After all signs of them having been on the roof have been removed, they head inside the school and lock all the outer doors with chains and padlocks. Hopefully it'll be enough to keep people outside long enough.
When they part company at three, Mike can't seem to stop grinning. And Rachel can't say she isn't pleased with how things turned out.
…
Puck's cell phone beeps as he's driving to school Tuesday morning.
Dress warm and stay away from the front of the parking lot.
He shakes his head. What does his bro have in store for them now?
When he arrives at McKinley, students are once again mulling around the parking lot. He finds Mike, Tina and Brittany standing together and moves to join them.
"Hey. What's the hold up today?"
"Doors are locked," Tina answers.
"Again? Prankster running out of ideas?"
"Not exactly," Mike says.
Puck looks at Mike, his curiosity piqued.
"I take it there's a reason we're supposed to stand all the way back here," Puck says.
"We figured as much," Tina says. "The texts are never wrong."
"I hope it's something entertaining," Brittany adds.
"It usually is," Mike says.
As they wait, Puck can't help, but glance at Mike. He's familiar with the cocky, knowing grin on his face. Puck's seen it enough in the mirror. It's the expression that pulling a prank with Rach creates. He doesn't want to be, but he's jealous. He's the one that encouraged Rachel's badassery. It's because of him that the prankster, the legend, exists. And now Rachel is pulling pranks with Artie and Mike. It's just not right.
His sulking is interrupted by Mike mumbling something next to him.
"Wait for it…"
The phrase is said so quietly that Puck almost misses it. Glancing at the girls, he sees that they didn't hear anything.
A moment later, Puck hears a familiar noise and something is launched off the roof of the school.
Not everyone notices it until it's hurling through the air. It's dozens and dozens of what look like snow balls, except…
"Is that yellow snow?" Tina asks as gravity begins to kick in and the snowballs start to fall.
"Technically," Mike grins.
"That is awesomely gross," Brittany says, elbowing Mike.
His grins grows. "It is, isn't it?"
Puck can grudgingly admit to himself that it's a good prank. Especially as he watches his classmates, specifically the girls, running around freaked out. The chaos of it all appeals to him. Still, the fact that it was caused by Rachel and Mike Chang is really getting to him. He does his best to push it aside and just enjoy the spectacle in front of him.
…
After the shower of yellow snow, Figgins shocks everyone by having Tony the head janitor break down one of the doors, so they can get into the school. A few minutes later, the front doors swing open and the students begin heading inside.
The ones that were hit with the snow balls are not allowed to go home, instead they're told to visit the locker rooms to clean up. There's a lot of grumbling, but everyone does what is expected of them.
…
Puck spends the rest of the day trying not to be annoyed. While it's not the first day he's spent having to hear about the antics of the pranksters, it is only the second time that he's felt… jealous. And he hates it. He's Puckasaurus; people are jealous of him.
For some reason, he feels like he's losing his bro. Puck knows this is ridiculous. Rach will always be his bro, even when she's a super famous Broadway star and Puck is… whatever he ends up being.
Maybe it's the smirk that Chang's been wearing all day or the similar one Artie was wearing as they all waded through golf balls last week. He's the only one who's supposed to feel that way. Britt and Santana don't count. Besides, of all the pranks Rachel has pulled, he's been part of the most. At least he has that.
He heads home feeling pathetic, which is not in his vocabulary. He decides to come up with an awesome pranks of his own to pull with his bro.
…
If Rachel didn't know better, she'd think Noah was avoiding her. She's barely seen him all week, not even in the halls. She's actually starting to wonder if they're still on for their usual Friday bro night.
The last few days have also been filled with hateful glares from Missy Kory. Wendy isn't always at her side, but when she is the redhead always looks apologetic. According to Brittany, Missy already went to Coach Sylvester demanding revenge, but wasn't given the green light. She'd thank Coach Sylvester if she thought that it'd matter, but Rachel knows Coach Sylvester's reasons for denying Missy are her own and don't necessarily pertain to her.
Still she knows it's only a matter of time before Missy decides to seek her own vengeance. After all, this thing between her and Missy has been building for far too long. Though she knew it was naive, she'd hoped that dumping Missy into a dumpster full of grape slushie would be enough to show Missy that she's playing a game she's not qualified to win.
Apparently not; Missy's tenacious, if nothing else.
…
Friday afternoon, Rachel is at her locker when Noah practically bounces up to her.
"Yo bro."
"Noah."
"I probably won't be over tonight until like seven, okay?"
"May I inquire why?" Rachel asks.
"Just got some errands to run, is all," Noah shrugs. "Got a plan."
"All right," Rachel says, cautiously. "I'll see you tonight, then."
"Later Rach."
And then Noah's bounding down the hallway, leaving a slightly bewildered Rachel staring after him.
…
It's taken a lot of research, but Figgins finally finds what he's looking for. It might not be a security system, but it seems perfect to help him catch the prankster. He enters his credit information and hits buy, with a real sense of accomplishment.
…
When Noah shows up hours later, Rachel knows he has some great scheme in mind; he's so excited he's practically vibrating.
"So what's the plan for tonight?" Rachel asks.
"You and I haven't pulled a prank in a while," he replies.
"I suppose that's true."
"So I came up with one," Noah continues. "And it's going to be epically awesome."
"Okay," Rachel says. "So we're going to just hang until midnight? Like usual?"
"Actually, I was thinking more ten, since this one's a bit more time consuming," Noah replies.
"Um, all right."
"Don't look so worried, bro," Noah says. "It's going to be awesome."
…
Saturday morning, Rachel is surprised when the door bell rings at eight. Santana doesn't usually show up until after nine, closer to ten. And even if it was Santana, she does have a key. Rachel can't think of anyone else she knows that would be up this early on a Saturday.
It's Brittany beaming as Marisa stands next to her, looking more asleep than awake.
"Good morning, Rachy," Brittany says.
"Hello Britt. Marisa. Come on in."
Brittany bounces inside, giving Rachel a quick hug before heading towards the kitchen. Marisa half leans against Rachel as they follow Brittany, causing Rachel to chuckle.
"I need coffee," Marisa says.
"I really thought you'd be more of a morning person," Rachel comments.
"Someone kept me up late last night," Marisa replies, slumping into a chair at the kitchen table.
"Um…
"We were playing chess," Brittany says, setting a coffee cup in front of Marisa.
"She's trying to teach me three dimensional chess," Marisa adds. "It's not going well."
"It's just a matter of training your brain to think differently," Brittany says. "Which takes practice."
"Like I said," Marisa says. "It's not going well."
"So not that I'm not pleased to see you guys," Rachel starts.
"I'll get to the point," Brittany interrupts. "As you know, my birthday is coming up."
Rachel nods.
"Well, Marisa asked me what I wanted to do and after some deliberation, I've come up with a short list."
Marisa slides a piece of notebook paper over to Rachel.
"And after a brief discussion, we both realized that you might be helpful in these endeavors," Brittany explains.
"All right."
"So I was hoping you and Marisa could figure it out together?"
"Of course, Britt," Rachel says, glancing over the list. It only has four things on it, but none of them seem terribly difficult; odd maybe, but not difficult. "Seems simple enough."
"Thanks Rachel," Marisa says.
"So you want to spend the day doing this?" Rachel asks. "I assume, next weekend?"
Brittany nods.
"Excellent. We can talk some more tomorrow, Marisa," Rachel continues. "Do you guys want some breakfast?"
"No thanks, Rachy," Brittany says. "We're going back to bed. Sort of."
"Really?"
Brittany nods again. "Yeah. I just wanted to catch you before San got here. We're going to go back to Marisa's and watch Saturday morning cartoons."
"She is," Marisa says. "I'm going to be sleeping."
"Not if your brothers are there," Brittany points out.
Marisa groans.
"Why not go to Brittany's?" Rachel asks.
"It's my parents' anniversary," Brittany replies. "I'm trying to give them as much privacy as possible. It's why I'm spending the weekend at Marisa's"
Rachel is incredibly curious what Marisa said to convince her mom to approve her girlfriend spending the weekend, but now probably isn't the time to ask. "Fair enough."
"Okay," Brittany says. "We're gonna go. See you later, Rachel."
"Bye Rachel," Marisa adds as Brittany drags her towards the door.
The front door slams shut and Rachel is left alone in the kitchen, staring at the list.
…
She's at the kitchen table outlining a plan when Santana arrives an hour later.
"Hey babe," Santana greets, heading straight for the coffee pot. "Whatcha doing?"
"Oh, Britt and Marisa stopped by to discuss Brittany's birthday."
"I asked her last week what she wanted to do and she said it was taken care of," Santana huffs, sitting next to Rachel at the table.
"Well it is now," Rachel replies. "Marisa and I are going to take care of it."
"So there's nothing I can do?"
"You can take care of the first one, if you want," Rachel says, sliding Brittany's list over to Santana.
"Why me?"
"Because Quinn is your best friend," Rachel replies.
"So?"
"San."
"Fine. For B."
"Your massive effort will be greatly appreciated," Rachel says, sarcastically.
…
Monday morning, Figgins can only groan when he enters his office. Everything is wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper. Everything. Well, except for his chair.
He's impressed with the dedication to a task, but the prospect of clean up makes him groan. He slumps into his leather desk chair and begins unwrapping the phone. Maybe Tony has something to make this process go faster.
…
Because covering in Figgin's office with Christmas wrapping paper is more subtle than the previous few pranks, Rachel doesn't really hear anything about it until lunch time.
She and Marisa are sitting at the corner of a table, discussing Brittany's birthday when Mike plops down across from her.
"Hey."
"Hi Mike."
"Hey Mike."
"So seems that the prankster gave Figgins a belated Christmas present," Mike grins.
"Oh?"
"What does that mean?" Marisa asks.
"I guess someone covered Figgins' office with Christmas wrapping paper, including the walls, the windows, the cabinets, his desk, even the stapler on his desk."
"A sign of excellent fine motor skills," Marisa replies.
Mike smirks. "A few people managed to snap pictures of it before they started taking it down."
"Personally, I think he should have kept it up," Kurt says, sitting down next to Mike. "Festive."
"Do you think the stapler still worked with wrapping paper around it?" Mercedes asks, sitting next to Kurt.
"I don't see why not," Mike says.
"It's a weird prank," Mercedes says. "Why do you think sparked it?"
"Wrapping paper being eighty percent off," Kurt replies.
"Whatever works," Mike says.
"I think it's awesome," Noah says, sitting next to Rachel. "Bout time the prankster started harassing Figgins again and left the rest of us alone."
Mike chuckles as Rachel shoots Noah a pointed look.
"That is definitely a sentiment I can agree with," Kurt adds. "Though I must admit I'm actually starting to question if Santana really is the prankster."
"Considering that she says she isn't," Mike says. "That's probably a good thing."
"Yeah," Noah adds. "Keep up the accusations and she might just kick your ass one day."
"Like Rachel would let her," Kurt retorts.
"Assuming she'd listen," Noah counters.
"I'm pretty sure she would," Kurt replies. "She's held back on a hell of a lot of things cause of Rachel."
"Stopping slushies hardly count, Kurt," Rachel says.
"So you're saying you'd let Santana beat me up?"
"Of course not," Rachel replies. "But I don't think it'd ever come to that, anyway."
"I do," Noah pipes up.
"Drama whore," Marisa mutters.
Noah glares at her as best he can from his position next to Rachel.
Mike, meanwhile, chuckles again. "She's got your number."
"Shut it, Chang," Noah growls.
…
"So what? Now you're some sort of prank wish full filling fairy?" Santana asks as she walks Rachel to her car.
Santana has Cheerios practice and Rachel has a voice lesson to get to, but they've barely seen each other all day and so Santana can't help but walk her girlfriend to her car.
Rachel half shrugs. "I don't know. While I enjoy pulling pranks, I have to admit part of me has lost interest. I feel like the challenge I relished before has diminished greatly. So now, if there's something someone wants to try, I don't see a reason not to."
"Besides the usual ones of getting caught?"
"I find it difficult to say no to Noah when he pleads like he did," Rachel replies.
"And Mike and Artie?"
"It was fun."
"I still worry, babe."
"I know, San," Rachel says. "I am being careful."
Santana shoots her a rather incredulous look, but her response is cut off by someone coughing behind them.
They turn and find Becky standing there.
"Coach looking for me?" Santana asks.
Becky nods. "You're in trouble."
Santana sighs. "Figures. Fine." She turns to Rachel. "I'll call you later, babe. But this discussion isn't over."
Rachel just leans in and kisses Santana lightly. "Have fun at practice," she tells Santana. "See you later, Becky."
"Bye Rachel."
Becky stands next to Santana as they watch Rachel climb into her car and pull out of the parking lot.
"I guess we better go," Santana grumbles once Rachel's car is out of sight.
Becky nods and the two of them head inside towards the gym.