fic: Solving Some Problems
Title: Solving Some Problems
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, Puck, Brittany, Marisa, Kat
Rating: PG
Summary: Puck helps Santana solve a problem while Rachel hangs out with Kat and Brittany solves a problem of her own.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~4,700
Spoilers: Previous parts.
A/N: Follows Do We Duck and Cover?
2nd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
series masterlist
"You better not have anything going on, tonight," Santana tells Puck when she finds him at lunch.
"Why?"
"Because I have things I need to do. And you're helping."
"You're not the boss of me," he retorts. "Besides, it's Friday. That's bro night."
"Except Rachel's hanging with the kid tonight," Santana says. "Since you blew her off that one time for a date with a skank, she figures she can cancel on you this time to hang out with the kid."
"Yeah, she mentioned that," Puck grumbles.
"What? You already found some pathetic MILF desperate for a shag?" Santana mocks.
"No."
"Good. I'll be over after dinner," Santana says. "Be ready."
…
Marisa is on her way to lunch when someone grabs her arm and pulls her into the girls bathroom. Quickly on the defense, she tenses up and holds her books up in front of her. She hears a chuckle and opens her eyes.
Standing in front of her is Brittany Pierce, smiling.
"Uh, hi?"
"Hi Marisa," Brittany says. "How's it going?"
"Uh, fine, I guess," Marisa replies. "Did you need something?"
"I did," Brittany nods.
Marisa waits, but Brittany just keeps smiling at her. Finally, she asks, "Well?"
"Oh. Right. Are you busy tonight?"
"Uh, no," Marisa replies, trying not to feel embarrassed.
"Goody," Brittany says. "Do you want to go out tonight?"
"Are you asking me on a date?"
Brittany nods, her smile growing.
"Um, okay?"
"Great," Brittany says. "I'll pick you up at seven." Brittany then bounces over and kisses Marisa quickly on the lips before skipping out.
…
Rachel shows up at the Tyler residence at exactly six-twenty. Kat told her dinner is always at six-thirty and Rachel despises being late. Mrs. Tyler greets her warmly upon opening the door and ushers her inside.
…
Santana shows up at Puck's house at six-thirty dressed all in black. He takes one look at the determined look on her face and a shit eating grin spreads across his face. He runs back upstairs and returns moments later, dressed in a similar fashion.
Wordlessly, Santana grabs the duffel bag at her feet and follows him to his truck. She then directs him to a small park he vaguely remembers by Rachel's house. He parks and Santana jumps out, motioning him to follow.
They hide in the shadows of the trees, watching. Puck's insanely curious about what's going on, but knows he'll just get elbowed or smacked if he asks. Instead he just waits, trying not to feel too bored.
About ten minutes later, two familiar teenage girls come walking into the park. They look around, speak to each other and then the red head looks at her watch. They speak again, before sitting on the nearest bench.
"Finally," Santana whispers.
Puck watches her pull out two bandanas and an unmarked glass bottle. She opens the bottle and puts one bandana on the mouth as she tips it. Once it's soaked, she hands it to Puck and does the same with the other. She recaps the bottle and begins sneaking out of the shadows. Once again, Puck follows.
They manage to get behind the pair. Following Santana's lead, Puck creeps up and finds himself behind the red head. On the count of three, they both jump up and cover each girls' mouth with a bandana. Both struggle for a moment before losing consciousness. He throws the red head over his shoulder; she barely weighs anything. Santana, though strong, still has to half drag the blonde.
At Puck's truck, Santana produces more bandanas to blindfold and gag them. She then uses zip ties on their wrists and ankles. They're seated in the middle seat of truck and Santana directs Puck to drive off.
…
To Marisa's surprise, Brittany is on time. She doesn't know why she expected the Cheerio to be late, but she did. Maybe because of the air head persona she displays at school. Walking down the stairs slowly, Marisa is relieved that Brittany is dressed as casually as she is, though she looks amazing. Looking down at her own jeans and shirt, Marisa still feels underdressed.
"Hi honey," Marisa's mom says. "I was just telling Brittany here that your curfew is midnight."
"Not a problem Mrs. Lawson," Brittany says.
"Diane, please, Brittany."
"Diane, then," Brittany nods. "I promise I won't keep her out too late."
"You girls have fun then."
"Bye mom."
"Your mom seems nice," Brittany says as they walk towards her car.
"I think so."
"Here, allow me," Brittany says, rushing and opening Marisa's door for her, with an exaggerated bow.
Marisa giggles and tries not to blush as Brittany rushes around to the driver's side door and climbs in.
…
Puck, feeling like he's missing something, drives to Rachel's. He recognizes the Cheerios as the two weirdly obsessed with Rachel lately and so he has an idea about what his night is going to entail. He hopes Santana doesn't want to do anything too crazy, because he's not sure if he's up for anything like that.
He parks in the driveway and carries each girl into the backyard while Santana sets everything up. The duffel bag worries him; knowing her, there could be anything inside. Nonetheless, he does as Santana orders and ties each girl standing to the largest tree in Rachel's backyard. They're situated far enough apart that once they start struggling, they still won't be able to tell exactly where the other is located.
When Santana explains this, Puck shoots her an odd look, but just keeps tying the knots.
…
Rachel tries to help clean up after dinner, but is rebuffed. Instead, she follows Kat upstairs to her room, so they can work on her science project. It's not due until next Friday, but Kat's schedule is just as full as Rachel's and this is the only night that actually works for both of them.
After Kat explains the project, Rachel can't help but say, "Not that I don't want to help you with this, Kat, because I do. I'm just confused. Why do you need my help? It sounds like you've got everything figured out."
"Oh, well Aly always used to help me with school projects. Until last year. And I kinda miss it. So I thought you could be like my surrogate big sister and help."
"Oh, well I'd be honored."
"Cool."
“So what are we doing?”
“We’re going to explain why the sky is blue and the sunset is red.”
…
To Marisa's surprise, Brittany drives them to a mini golf park, Pirate Cove. She doesn’t know what she was expecting, but it wasn’t that. Nor does she expect Brittany’s continued chivalry; Brittany opens both Marisa’s car door and the door to the complex.
After paying, picking out putters and balls, they walk to the first hole.
“I know it’s not like super awesome,” Brittany says pointing to the first hole, which is simply a hole ten feet from the start with obviously fake treasure chests surrounding it. “But I’m not that great of golfer.”
Marisa smiles. “It’s okay. Neither am I. And it’s fine. It’ll be fun. Right?”
“Right.”
…
The blonde, Missy wakes up first. Puck watches the reality of her situation dawn on her and the panic begin. He wants to speak up, but he's been told to keep quiet. He watches Santana approach the tree and begin to speak quietly to Missy. She immediately calms upon hearing a familiar voice, but the panic, though subdued, begins again once Santana steps away.
The red head, Wendy, wakes up a few moments later and Santana approaches her, speaking in low tones; her departure seems to leave Wendy shaking.
"Let's grab a drink," Santana tells Puck.
He nods and follows her into the house.
…
The fourth hole has a spinning wooden wheel that you have to hit the ball through. Marisa’s worried for a moment until she realizes the wheel is spinning slower than walking speed. She smacks the ball and it glides straight under the wheel. Still, she didn’t expect to get a hole in one. And she definitely wasn’t expecting the kiss that Brittany gives her as congratulations.
…
Kat had all the materials together already, so it’s just a matter of setting everything up. First, they fill a clear plastic container about the size of a shoe box with water. Next, they place a flashlight on the table, pointing its beam of light into the water. Rachel then begins adding pinches of powdered milk and stirring the contents with a wooden spoon. Kat watches and lets Rachel know when the beam of light is visible in the water.
…
The eighth hole involves half a pirate ship. Marisa hits her ball into the ship’s hull and listens to the ball dropping down. Brittany does the same and the pair go to investigate where their balls landed.
After walking down about six stairs, Marisa sees her green ball is just to the side of hole. Brittany’s red ball is sitting in the hole.
Marisa smiles as Brittany lets out a whoop of celebration before picking Marisa up and spinning her around.
“I’ve never gotten a hole in one before,” Brittany tells her.
…
Over an hour later, Puck finds himself in the backyard again, watching Santana pacing in front of the pair of Cheerios.
"I would like to say," Santana starts. "That you were given significant warnings before we were forced to reach this point. By myself and Rachel. Agreed?"
"Do you really expect us to believe you're actually going to do something to us?" Missy asks.
"You seemed to earlier," Santana points out. "And I don't really care what you believe. Because it's going to happen, whether you believe it or not."
"Oooh. Scary."
Santana smirks. "I'm enjoying the bravado, I gotta say. Thanks for that."
"Just get your posturing over with," Missy hisses. "We've got places to be."
"You talk big for someone who's blindfolded and tied to a tree."
"And you're saying very little for someone who actually did this," Missy retorts.
"Touché," Santana replies. "Puck, hand me the blow torch, would you?"
"A blow torch? Really?"
Puck pulls out a lighter and ignites the torch. It's actually a mini one used to make Crème Brule that Santana had swiped from the kitchen, but they don’t need to know that.
Santana advances slowly on Missy, letting her hear the hiss of the flame. Missy goes rigid as the noise approaches and Puck is a bit impressed because he expected a much bigger reaction.
"It's definitely real," Santana says, grabbing one of Missy's fingers. She quickly swishes the flame over Missy's pinky, just enough for her to feel that the flame is in fact real.
Missy lets out a frightened gasp at the sensation and begins shaking.
Throughout all this, Wendy has been silent, which baffles Puck; unless she's too scared to do anything. He probably would be in her position.
Santana raises the mini blow torch closer to Missy's face. "Don't worry. I hear after a while you become numb to the pain."
Missy is now visibly shaking as she whimpers, trying to move herself away from the heat.
"Uh, maybe we should knock her out again for this," Puck suggests.
"Good idea."
Instead of using more chloroform on Missy, Puck just uses another bandana to gag her; just as Santana told him before they headed outside.
Santana turns to Wendy. "Well, now that Missy's temporarily out of the picture, I should really pay more attention to Wendy."
"I'm just fine," Wendy whimpers. "I don't need any attention."
"I did warn you guys," Santana says.
"What did you do to Missy?" Wendy asks.
"Oh. She's fine. I'm just going to test out the blow torch on you, instead."
Wendy screams.
Puck quickly gags her.
"You know, I don't think this blow torch is going to be enough for me," Santana says. "Didn't you say something about needles?"
"I thought we were going to find various pieces of metal, heat them and then tape them to their skin," Puck says.
"Oooh, I forgot about that one," Santana replies. "I think I like that best. Let's go collect some random bits of metal."
"What about them?" Puck asks.
"Them? They're fine. Let them enjoy their last scar less moments."
"Cool."
…
Brittany wins mini golf by one, but Marisa doesn’t mind. She had a lot of fun. She’s also getting used to the random bouts of affection, Brittany seems to dish out. Brittany’s victory means that Marisa is pulled into another hug, but this time Brittany also whispers in her ear.
“I’d give you a victory kiss, but I don’t want to draw too much attention. Though, I bet you’re cute when you blush.”
Before Marisa can form a proper response, Brittany has grabbed her putter and is returning them.
“I didn’t really think too much about food,” Brittany says when she returns. “Do you mind going next store and getting pizza?”
“Sounds great.”
“Yay.”
…
Rachel helps Kat type up her report about what is happening. She does the typing, while Kat talks about the project.
“Don’t forget to add that blue light is scattered ten times more than red light because it has a shorter wavelength and higher frequency,” Kat says.
“Got it,” Rachel replies. “Do you want to talk about how scattering can polarize light?”
“Um… How much do we have so far?”
“A page,” Rachel says, clicking the mouse a few times. “Almost five hundred words.”
“Then, no,” Kat replies. “I think polarizing and transverse waves could be its own paper topic.”
“Okay,” Rachel says. “Then it just needs a concluding paragraph and you’re finished.”
“Awesome. Thanks so much for your help, Rachel.”
“Of course, Kat,” Rachel replies. “Though I really don’t think you needed my help.”
“Maybe not,” Kat shrugs. “But I wanted it. I mean, now that school’s started up, I have no free time. Dance takes up a lot of time.”
“It’s fine,” Rachel assures her. “Between school, glee and all my lessons, I have very little free time myself.”
“You better go,” Kat says looking at the clock. “I’m surprised they let you stay this late.”
“Probably because we were working on homework.”
“True. Thanks for all your help.”
“You’re welcome, Kat.”
…
Once they’ve ordered and have food in front of them, Marisa really begins to feel like they’re on a date. Before when they were golfing, it was more like hanging out. Though maybe because there were so many kids around. But now, cozied up in a booth, just her and Brittany, it really hits Marisa that she’s on a date with Brittany.
…
When Rachel returns home, she's not very surprised to find Noah's truck parked in the driveway. Knowing that Santana wanted to do something about Missy and Wendy, Rachel wonders if she should be more shocked that it's occurring at her house. She wonders if that's irony.
She finds them in the backyard. Keeping quiet, she silently approaches in time to hear Santana says, "You brought this on yourselves. I warned you. You do not want me to find you bothering Rachel ever again. Or what I do then? Will make this seem like a cake walk."
"What exactly is a cakewalk?" Puck asks.
"Not the time," Santana hisses. "Let's get started. The fire seems hot enough."
"Cool."
Rachel watches Santana clank around some silverware and nails, wondering what the hell is going on. Wendy starts whimpering while Missy begins sobbing loudly.
"Oh for fuck's sake," Santana says. "Knock 'em out. I thought if we gave them enough time, they'd learn to relax. Guess we're just gonna have to do this the hard way."
"Personally, I think it's better this way," Puck says as he begins soaking the bandana with chloroform. "I mean this way, we can probably do more because we won't have to worry about them struggling or whatever."
"True," Santana agrees. "They'll definitely be more docile this way."
Missy is wailing at this point and Puck quickly covers her mouth with the bandana. Santana does the same to Wendy who is now weeping. A moment later, both are unconscious.
"Hey guys," Rachel greets.
"Oh, Rach, great timing," Santana says. "You can help with the final step."
"Anything to get them off my back," Rachel agrees.
"That would be so hot," Puck grins.
Rachel just elbows him. "Turn around Noah."
"Aw, it's not like I haven't seen that stuff before," he grumbles, turning around.
Santana begins stripping Missy, while Rachel undresses Wendy. After tossing their Cheerios uniforms into a garbage bag, they redress them in sweatpants and t-shirts. They leave their feet bare.
Puck carries Missy to his truck. Rachel and Santana carry Wendy. Once the pair is secure, Puck drives them and Santana back to the park where they were taken from. Santana digs out Missy's car keys and climbs into Missy's car.
Santana leads Puck to another park on the other side of Lima that is being dug up. It was the last park in town to have a metal and wood playground. It's being torn up so it can be replaced by a much safer, plastic one. It makes Santana sad.
She parks the car and then helps Puck position them by the dug up playground. Santana stuffs Missy's car keys in her pocket before joining Puck back in his truck. The pair sit and watch, waiting for the girls to wake up.
…
When it's just the two of them, Brittany becomes more serious. She's still just as random and silly as she was during mini golf, but there are definitely serious moments too.
"What?"
"It's just you're so different," Marisa says. "Then you are at school."
"I'll let you in on a little secret," Brittany replies. "It's all an act."
"Why?"
Brittany shrugs. "It's easier. It started freshman year. Hanging with Quinn and Santana all the time, I just felt like it'd be easier to be ditzy. And I was right. Course, once you start that, you gotta stick with it."
"Well, of course."
"I know it seems stupid, but it works for me."
"It explains a lot, actually," Marisa says. "Although…"
"Yes?"
"So all those times where you pretended that you didn't remember my name?"
"All part of it."
"Why tell me?" Marisa asks. "That seems a bit risky, doesn't?"
"Not at all," Brittany replies. "Rach trusts you, so I know you're awesome. Plus, you're cute and lately I've been wondering what it'd be like to kiss you."
Marisa feels her cheeks become warm. "Oh."
"And I know you wouldn't go for that Brittany. So I have to be honest."
"What about earlier?"
"Oh, well, I have my moments," Brittany says. "Some of ditzy Brittany has rubbed off on me." She shrugs. "It happens."
"Oh."
"How weirded out are you?" Brittany asks.
"Only a little?"
Brittany looks relieved.
…
Santana's pretty sure that Wendy is stirring a mere twenty minutes later. She leans forward for a better view and sees the red head sit up in confusion. Watching the panic rise as the realization about their situation begins to sink in. Santana knows there are more questions than answers. Wendy finally starts shaking Missy, causing the blonde to sit up and elbow Wendy.
They panic for a bit and every minute that passes makes Santana doubt these two. After about ten minutes, Missy finds the car keys in her pocket and uses them. Her car's headlights flash and both jump up in relief. Santana watches them run to the car and climb in. The car doesn't move immediately and Santana assumes they're taking stock of their clothing and possessions. She wonders where they think their uniforms ended up.
The headlights snap on and the car speeds away. Santana watches it escape, chuckling.
Once enough time has passed, Puck heads back to Rachel's.
…
"I had a really nice time," Marisa says when Brittany parks in her driveway.
"Me too."
"And thanks for trust me, with your, uh, secret," Marisa continues.
"Thanks for agreeing to go out with me."
"Well, I rarely say no to pretty girls," Marisa replies.
"Lucky me," Brittany smiles. "I don't suppose I could get a good night kiss?"
Marisa nods.
Brittany leans in and cups Marisa's cheek before kissing her. It's short and sweet and when Brittany pulls away, Marisa wraps her arms around her and kisses her again.
…
"You staying the night?" Santana asks Puck as he pulls into Rachel's driveway.
"Nah, you're here," Puck replies. "You two should have some alone time or whatever. Right?"
"Really?"
Puck shrugs. "It makes Rach happy. Besides, tonight was kinda cool. I don't know what I was expecting of you, but damn, Lopez, remind me not to piss you off."
"You should know that already, Puck."
"True. Tell Rach I'll call her later?"
"If I remember." Santana climbs out of the truck and slams the door shut.
…
They end kissing past Marisa's curfew. When they finally break apart, Marisa glances over at the dashboard and sees that it's 12:13.
"Oh crap," she exclaims. "My mom is gonna be pissed."
"You're not going to get in trouble, are you?" Brittany asks, sounding worried.
"Hopefully not," Marisa replies. "I'm technically home, right? The driveway totally counts."
"It should."
"I'll talk to you later?"
Brittany nods. "You won't get in too much trouble, will you? Because I was hoping we could go out again and if I have to wait until you're ungrounded, I'm gonna be sad."
Marisa grins. "I'd like to go out again, too. Maybe my mom didn't even notice."
"We can hope," Brittany says.
Marisa nods. "Night." She lingers for a moment before climbing out of the car.
…
“So,” Rachel says when Santana slides into bed. “Do you think it worked?”
“No idea,” Santana replies. “Though after I add the final bit, I may be insulted if it doesn’t work.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I consider it the coup de grâce or whatever.”
“But you’re not going to let me in on it?” Rachel asks.
“Hey, you’re the one that said keep you out of it,” Santana points out.
“Yeah. Yeah. Throw a girl’s words back at her,” Rachel grumbles.
“Come here, you,” Santana says, grinning.
"Is it wrong that I find it totally hot when you're scheming?" Rachel asks as she scoots into Santana's arms.
"Uh, no, because I am," Santana replies. "Besides I feel the same way about you."
"Awww. That is so sweet."
"Oh shut up and kiss me."
…
Monday morning, Santana is at McKinley bright and early to talk to Coach Sylvester before practice.
"Lopez," she says when she enters her office. "What an interesting surprise."
"Coach," Santana greets. "Can you spare a moment to talk?"
"For you, Lopez? Of course."
"Great. I was hoping you could do me a small favor," Santana says. "If you could call Watters and Kort into your office sometime today and demand to know what they did this weekend."
"I don't do favors, Lopez, you know that."
"And then when they hem and haw over it, you can explain how you were delivered their two uniforms in the most god awful state ever that you immediately had them sent for dry cleaning. And then you can question what they did this weekend in those uniforms because even the bag they were delivered in tells a story."
"Now why would I do this?"
"Besides the fact that it will seriously mess with their heads," Santana replies. "Especially when you present them with their pristine uniforms and this garbage bag." Santana holds up a filthy garbage bag.
"I see. I don't need details. And I like where this seems to be heading. But once again, that still sounds like a favor."
"Well, then I'd like to call in a favor," Santana replies. She hands over a sheet of paper.
"Coach Sylvester owes me one favor. If you ever feel you need it, it's yours. Love, Rachel," Coach reads. "That's quite a girl you've got there Lopez."
"I know," Santana says. "Which is why I'm using it to solve her little pest problem."
"Sickening. Both of you."
"So you'll do it?" Santana asks.
"I'll do it," Coach Sylvester agrees. "And I approve of the mind games, Lopez. Best way to solve your problems."
"Thanks Coach."
…
Monday afternoon, last period, Missy and Wendy are called into Coach Sylvester’s office. They quietly sit and wait for their reprimand, though neither can remember anything they’ve done that would warrant a meeting with Coach Sylvester.
“I must say,” Coach Sylvester begins. “I may be wrong about the two of you.”
That can’t be good, Missy thinks. “Oh?”
“What exactly did you two get into this weekend?”
“Uh…”
“Nothing,” Wendy answers. “We just hung out at Missy’s.”
“Why?” Missy asks.
“Because this was left for me this morning,” Coach Sylvester replies, letting the disgusting garbage bag fall onto the desk. She also lets the napkin she’s using to hold the filthy plastic, fall as well. “And inside were your uniforms. And ladies, I have never seen uniforms looking like this. Based off the smell and textures, my best guess is that you performed some sort of religious sacrifice.”
“Uh, no, we aren’t really into that sort of thing,” Wendy says.
“Well, then your uniforms joined a cult and were inducted this weekend,” Coach Sylvester replies. She then lets their now clean uniforms fall onto their laps. “I had your uniforms dry cleaned immediately. The smell was just too much.”
“Thanks Coach,” Missy says.
“I didn’t do it for you, Watters,” Coach Sylvester tells her. “Either way, I don’t know what weird voodoo you two are into, but don’t do it in your uniforms anymore. I don’t want any more deliveries like this again.”
“Course not, Coach,” Wendy says.
“We, uh, didn’t know that they’d, uh, end up here,” Missy adds.
“Fine. Just get out of here before I decide to revoke your privileges.”
Both Missy and Wendy jump up; grab their uniforms and the garbage bag before scurrying out of the office.
“Bye Coach.”
“Thanks Coach.”
“Very interesting, Lopez,” Coach Sylvester says watching the two escape down the hall. “Very interesting, indeed.”
…
Outside of Coach Sylvester's office, Missy holds up the garbage bag that their uniforms were supposedly delivered in. It's covered in mud, dried blood, sour milk, and oddly, spray cheese. There are cuts, slices and burns in the bag. It also smells pretty awful, like wet manure that's been sitting around in a hot car, with a slight hint of orange.
"What do you suppose it means?" Wendy asks.
"I'm not sure I want to know," Missy replies.
"I didn't find any marks anywhere on me, though," Wendy says. "Maybe she just pretended to do stuff to us."
"I was thinking that," Missy agrees. "Except for the whole Coach thing."
"Lopez could have just gotten her to say all that," Wendy points out.
"How? By asking? Coach Sylvester isn't the type to just do something when asked."
"But Lopez is one of her favorites," Wendy argues.
"Still, it would require Lopez to owe Coach Sylvester and everyone knows that's a dangerous thing. I don't think she'd be that dumb."
"I don't either," Wendy says. "But I'm going to pretend I do."
"Why?"
"Because otherwise my imagination goes wild. I mean, Lopez was trained by the best. She could have done all sorts of horrific things we aren't aware of."
"Yeah, I know," Missy says.
"So… We're backing off Rachel a bit, right?" Wendy asks.
Missy sighs. "Yeah, I think that's best. Otherwise, who knows what Lopez would do to us next."
"No kidding," Wendy says. "I heard a rumor that they shaved every bit of hair off a guy before giving him multiple piercings."
"Just a rumor," Missy replies.
"Rachel confirmed it for me," Wendy tells her.
"Oh. Well, then, yeah, we're backing off."
"Forever?" Wendy asks.
"Well, for now."
"One day, you're going to let me in on your grand plan, Mis," Wendy says as they walk down the hall and back to class.
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, Puck, Brittany, Marisa, Kat
Rating: PG
Summary: Puck helps Santana solve a problem while Rachel hangs out with Kat and Brittany solves a problem of her own.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~4,700
Spoilers: Previous parts.
A/N: Follows Do We Duck and Cover?
2nd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
series masterlist
"You better not have anything going on, tonight," Santana tells Puck when she finds him at lunch.
"Why?"
"Because I have things I need to do. And you're helping."
"You're not the boss of me," he retorts. "Besides, it's Friday. That's bro night."
"Except Rachel's hanging with the kid tonight," Santana says. "Since you blew her off that one time for a date with a skank, she figures she can cancel on you this time to hang out with the kid."
"Yeah, she mentioned that," Puck grumbles.
"What? You already found some pathetic MILF desperate for a shag?" Santana mocks.
"No."
"Good. I'll be over after dinner," Santana says. "Be ready."
…
Marisa is on her way to lunch when someone grabs her arm and pulls her into the girls bathroom. Quickly on the defense, she tenses up and holds her books up in front of her. She hears a chuckle and opens her eyes.
Standing in front of her is Brittany Pierce, smiling.
"Uh, hi?"
"Hi Marisa," Brittany says. "How's it going?"
"Uh, fine, I guess," Marisa replies. "Did you need something?"
"I did," Brittany nods.
Marisa waits, but Brittany just keeps smiling at her. Finally, she asks, "Well?"
"Oh. Right. Are you busy tonight?"
"Uh, no," Marisa replies, trying not to feel embarrassed.
"Goody," Brittany says. "Do you want to go out tonight?"
"Are you asking me on a date?"
Brittany nods, her smile growing.
"Um, okay?"
"Great," Brittany says. "I'll pick you up at seven." Brittany then bounces over and kisses Marisa quickly on the lips before skipping out.
…
Rachel shows up at the Tyler residence at exactly six-twenty. Kat told her dinner is always at six-thirty and Rachel despises being late. Mrs. Tyler greets her warmly upon opening the door and ushers her inside.
…
Santana shows up at Puck's house at six-thirty dressed all in black. He takes one look at the determined look on her face and a shit eating grin spreads across his face. He runs back upstairs and returns moments later, dressed in a similar fashion.
Wordlessly, Santana grabs the duffel bag at her feet and follows him to his truck. She then directs him to a small park he vaguely remembers by Rachel's house. He parks and Santana jumps out, motioning him to follow.
They hide in the shadows of the trees, watching. Puck's insanely curious about what's going on, but knows he'll just get elbowed or smacked if he asks. Instead he just waits, trying not to feel too bored.
About ten minutes later, two familiar teenage girls come walking into the park. They look around, speak to each other and then the red head looks at her watch. They speak again, before sitting on the nearest bench.
"Finally," Santana whispers.
Puck watches her pull out two bandanas and an unmarked glass bottle. She opens the bottle and puts one bandana on the mouth as she tips it. Once it's soaked, she hands it to Puck and does the same with the other. She recaps the bottle and begins sneaking out of the shadows. Once again, Puck follows.
They manage to get behind the pair. Following Santana's lead, Puck creeps up and finds himself behind the red head. On the count of three, they both jump up and cover each girls' mouth with a bandana. Both struggle for a moment before losing consciousness. He throws the red head over his shoulder; she barely weighs anything. Santana, though strong, still has to half drag the blonde.
At Puck's truck, Santana produces more bandanas to blindfold and gag them. She then uses zip ties on their wrists and ankles. They're seated in the middle seat of truck and Santana directs Puck to drive off.
…
To Marisa's surprise, Brittany is on time. She doesn't know why she expected the Cheerio to be late, but she did. Maybe because of the air head persona she displays at school. Walking down the stairs slowly, Marisa is relieved that Brittany is dressed as casually as she is, though she looks amazing. Looking down at her own jeans and shirt, Marisa still feels underdressed.
"Hi honey," Marisa's mom says. "I was just telling Brittany here that your curfew is midnight."
"Not a problem Mrs. Lawson," Brittany says.
"Diane, please, Brittany."
"Diane, then," Brittany nods. "I promise I won't keep her out too late."
"You girls have fun then."
"Bye mom."
"Your mom seems nice," Brittany says as they walk towards her car.
"I think so."
"Here, allow me," Brittany says, rushing and opening Marisa's door for her, with an exaggerated bow.
Marisa giggles and tries not to blush as Brittany rushes around to the driver's side door and climbs in.
…
Puck, feeling like he's missing something, drives to Rachel's. He recognizes the Cheerios as the two weirdly obsessed with Rachel lately and so he has an idea about what his night is going to entail. He hopes Santana doesn't want to do anything too crazy, because he's not sure if he's up for anything like that.
He parks in the driveway and carries each girl into the backyard while Santana sets everything up. The duffel bag worries him; knowing her, there could be anything inside. Nonetheless, he does as Santana orders and ties each girl standing to the largest tree in Rachel's backyard. They're situated far enough apart that once they start struggling, they still won't be able to tell exactly where the other is located.
When Santana explains this, Puck shoots her an odd look, but just keeps tying the knots.
…
Rachel tries to help clean up after dinner, but is rebuffed. Instead, she follows Kat upstairs to her room, so they can work on her science project. It's not due until next Friday, but Kat's schedule is just as full as Rachel's and this is the only night that actually works for both of them.
After Kat explains the project, Rachel can't help but say, "Not that I don't want to help you with this, Kat, because I do. I'm just confused. Why do you need my help? It sounds like you've got everything figured out."
"Oh, well Aly always used to help me with school projects. Until last year. And I kinda miss it. So I thought you could be like my surrogate big sister and help."
"Oh, well I'd be honored."
"Cool."
“So what are we doing?”
“We’re going to explain why the sky is blue and the sunset is red.”
…
To Marisa's surprise, Brittany drives them to a mini golf park, Pirate Cove. She doesn’t know what she was expecting, but it wasn’t that. Nor does she expect Brittany’s continued chivalry; Brittany opens both Marisa’s car door and the door to the complex.
After paying, picking out putters and balls, they walk to the first hole.
“I know it’s not like super awesome,” Brittany says pointing to the first hole, which is simply a hole ten feet from the start with obviously fake treasure chests surrounding it. “But I’m not that great of golfer.”
Marisa smiles. “It’s okay. Neither am I. And it’s fine. It’ll be fun. Right?”
“Right.”
…
The blonde, Missy wakes up first. Puck watches the reality of her situation dawn on her and the panic begin. He wants to speak up, but he's been told to keep quiet. He watches Santana approach the tree and begin to speak quietly to Missy. She immediately calms upon hearing a familiar voice, but the panic, though subdued, begins again once Santana steps away.
The red head, Wendy, wakes up a few moments later and Santana approaches her, speaking in low tones; her departure seems to leave Wendy shaking.
"Let's grab a drink," Santana tells Puck.
He nods and follows her into the house.
…
The fourth hole has a spinning wooden wheel that you have to hit the ball through. Marisa’s worried for a moment until she realizes the wheel is spinning slower than walking speed. She smacks the ball and it glides straight under the wheel. Still, she didn’t expect to get a hole in one. And she definitely wasn’t expecting the kiss that Brittany gives her as congratulations.
…
Kat had all the materials together already, so it’s just a matter of setting everything up. First, they fill a clear plastic container about the size of a shoe box with water. Next, they place a flashlight on the table, pointing its beam of light into the water. Rachel then begins adding pinches of powdered milk and stirring the contents with a wooden spoon. Kat watches and lets Rachel know when the beam of light is visible in the water.
…
The eighth hole involves half a pirate ship. Marisa hits her ball into the ship’s hull and listens to the ball dropping down. Brittany does the same and the pair go to investigate where their balls landed.
After walking down about six stairs, Marisa sees her green ball is just to the side of hole. Brittany’s red ball is sitting in the hole.
Marisa smiles as Brittany lets out a whoop of celebration before picking Marisa up and spinning her around.
“I’ve never gotten a hole in one before,” Brittany tells her.
…
Over an hour later, Puck finds himself in the backyard again, watching Santana pacing in front of the pair of Cheerios.
"I would like to say," Santana starts. "That you were given significant warnings before we were forced to reach this point. By myself and Rachel. Agreed?"
"Do you really expect us to believe you're actually going to do something to us?" Missy asks.
"You seemed to earlier," Santana points out. "And I don't really care what you believe. Because it's going to happen, whether you believe it or not."
"Oooh. Scary."
Santana smirks. "I'm enjoying the bravado, I gotta say. Thanks for that."
"Just get your posturing over with," Missy hisses. "We've got places to be."
"You talk big for someone who's blindfolded and tied to a tree."
"And you're saying very little for someone who actually did this," Missy retorts.
"Touché," Santana replies. "Puck, hand me the blow torch, would you?"
"A blow torch? Really?"
Puck pulls out a lighter and ignites the torch. It's actually a mini one used to make Crème Brule that Santana had swiped from the kitchen, but they don’t need to know that.
Santana advances slowly on Missy, letting her hear the hiss of the flame. Missy goes rigid as the noise approaches and Puck is a bit impressed because he expected a much bigger reaction.
"It's definitely real," Santana says, grabbing one of Missy's fingers. She quickly swishes the flame over Missy's pinky, just enough for her to feel that the flame is in fact real.
Missy lets out a frightened gasp at the sensation and begins shaking.
Throughout all this, Wendy has been silent, which baffles Puck; unless she's too scared to do anything. He probably would be in her position.
Santana raises the mini blow torch closer to Missy's face. "Don't worry. I hear after a while you become numb to the pain."
Missy is now visibly shaking as she whimpers, trying to move herself away from the heat.
"Uh, maybe we should knock her out again for this," Puck suggests.
"Good idea."
Instead of using more chloroform on Missy, Puck just uses another bandana to gag her; just as Santana told him before they headed outside.
Santana turns to Wendy. "Well, now that Missy's temporarily out of the picture, I should really pay more attention to Wendy."
"I'm just fine," Wendy whimpers. "I don't need any attention."
"I did warn you guys," Santana says.
"What did you do to Missy?" Wendy asks.
"Oh. She's fine. I'm just going to test out the blow torch on you, instead."
Wendy screams.
Puck quickly gags her.
"You know, I don't think this blow torch is going to be enough for me," Santana says. "Didn't you say something about needles?"
"I thought we were going to find various pieces of metal, heat them and then tape them to their skin," Puck says.
"Oooh, I forgot about that one," Santana replies. "I think I like that best. Let's go collect some random bits of metal."
"What about them?" Puck asks.
"Them? They're fine. Let them enjoy their last scar less moments."
"Cool."
…
Brittany wins mini golf by one, but Marisa doesn’t mind. She had a lot of fun. She’s also getting used to the random bouts of affection, Brittany seems to dish out. Brittany’s victory means that Marisa is pulled into another hug, but this time Brittany also whispers in her ear.
“I’d give you a victory kiss, but I don’t want to draw too much attention. Though, I bet you’re cute when you blush.”
Before Marisa can form a proper response, Brittany has grabbed her putter and is returning them.
“I didn’t really think too much about food,” Brittany says when she returns. “Do you mind going next store and getting pizza?”
“Sounds great.”
“Yay.”
…
Rachel helps Kat type up her report about what is happening. She does the typing, while Kat talks about the project.
“Don’t forget to add that blue light is scattered ten times more than red light because it has a shorter wavelength and higher frequency,” Kat says.
“Got it,” Rachel replies. “Do you want to talk about how scattering can polarize light?”
“Um… How much do we have so far?”
“A page,” Rachel says, clicking the mouse a few times. “Almost five hundred words.”
“Then, no,” Kat replies. “I think polarizing and transverse waves could be its own paper topic.”
“Okay,” Rachel says. “Then it just needs a concluding paragraph and you’re finished.”
“Awesome. Thanks so much for your help, Rachel.”
“Of course, Kat,” Rachel replies. “Though I really don’t think you needed my help.”
“Maybe not,” Kat shrugs. “But I wanted it. I mean, now that school’s started up, I have no free time. Dance takes up a lot of time.”
“It’s fine,” Rachel assures her. “Between school, glee and all my lessons, I have very little free time myself.”
“You better go,” Kat says looking at the clock. “I’m surprised they let you stay this late.”
“Probably because we were working on homework.”
“True. Thanks for all your help.”
“You’re welcome, Kat.”
…
Once they’ve ordered and have food in front of them, Marisa really begins to feel like they’re on a date. Before when they were golfing, it was more like hanging out. Though maybe because there were so many kids around. But now, cozied up in a booth, just her and Brittany, it really hits Marisa that she’s on a date with Brittany.
…
When Rachel returns home, she's not very surprised to find Noah's truck parked in the driveway. Knowing that Santana wanted to do something about Missy and Wendy, Rachel wonders if she should be more shocked that it's occurring at her house. She wonders if that's irony.
She finds them in the backyard. Keeping quiet, she silently approaches in time to hear Santana says, "You brought this on yourselves. I warned you. You do not want me to find you bothering Rachel ever again. Or what I do then? Will make this seem like a cake walk."
"What exactly is a cakewalk?" Puck asks.
"Not the time," Santana hisses. "Let's get started. The fire seems hot enough."
"Cool."
Rachel watches Santana clank around some silverware and nails, wondering what the hell is going on. Wendy starts whimpering while Missy begins sobbing loudly.
"Oh for fuck's sake," Santana says. "Knock 'em out. I thought if we gave them enough time, they'd learn to relax. Guess we're just gonna have to do this the hard way."
"Personally, I think it's better this way," Puck says as he begins soaking the bandana with chloroform. "I mean this way, we can probably do more because we won't have to worry about them struggling or whatever."
"True," Santana agrees. "They'll definitely be more docile this way."
Missy is wailing at this point and Puck quickly covers her mouth with the bandana. Santana does the same to Wendy who is now weeping. A moment later, both are unconscious.
"Hey guys," Rachel greets.
"Oh, Rach, great timing," Santana says. "You can help with the final step."
"Anything to get them off my back," Rachel agrees.
"That would be so hot," Puck grins.
Rachel just elbows him. "Turn around Noah."
"Aw, it's not like I haven't seen that stuff before," he grumbles, turning around.
Santana begins stripping Missy, while Rachel undresses Wendy. After tossing their Cheerios uniforms into a garbage bag, they redress them in sweatpants and t-shirts. They leave their feet bare.
Puck carries Missy to his truck. Rachel and Santana carry Wendy. Once the pair is secure, Puck drives them and Santana back to the park where they were taken from. Santana digs out Missy's car keys and climbs into Missy's car.
Santana leads Puck to another park on the other side of Lima that is being dug up. It was the last park in town to have a metal and wood playground. It's being torn up so it can be replaced by a much safer, plastic one. It makes Santana sad.
She parks the car and then helps Puck position them by the dug up playground. Santana stuffs Missy's car keys in her pocket before joining Puck back in his truck. The pair sit and watch, waiting for the girls to wake up.
…
When it's just the two of them, Brittany becomes more serious. She's still just as random and silly as she was during mini golf, but there are definitely serious moments too.
"What?"
"It's just you're so different," Marisa says. "Then you are at school."
"I'll let you in on a little secret," Brittany replies. "It's all an act."
"Why?"
Brittany shrugs. "It's easier. It started freshman year. Hanging with Quinn and Santana all the time, I just felt like it'd be easier to be ditzy. And I was right. Course, once you start that, you gotta stick with it."
"Well, of course."
"I know it seems stupid, but it works for me."
"It explains a lot, actually," Marisa says. "Although…"
"Yes?"
"So all those times where you pretended that you didn't remember my name?"
"All part of it."
"Why tell me?" Marisa asks. "That seems a bit risky, doesn't?"
"Not at all," Brittany replies. "Rach trusts you, so I know you're awesome. Plus, you're cute and lately I've been wondering what it'd be like to kiss you."
Marisa feels her cheeks become warm. "Oh."
"And I know you wouldn't go for that Brittany. So I have to be honest."
"What about earlier?"
"Oh, well, I have my moments," Brittany says. "Some of ditzy Brittany has rubbed off on me." She shrugs. "It happens."
"Oh."
"How weirded out are you?" Brittany asks.
"Only a little?"
Brittany looks relieved.
…
Santana's pretty sure that Wendy is stirring a mere twenty minutes later. She leans forward for a better view and sees the red head sit up in confusion. Watching the panic rise as the realization about their situation begins to sink in. Santana knows there are more questions than answers. Wendy finally starts shaking Missy, causing the blonde to sit up and elbow Wendy.
They panic for a bit and every minute that passes makes Santana doubt these two. After about ten minutes, Missy finds the car keys in her pocket and uses them. Her car's headlights flash and both jump up in relief. Santana watches them run to the car and climb in. The car doesn't move immediately and Santana assumes they're taking stock of their clothing and possessions. She wonders where they think their uniforms ended up.
The headlights snap on and the car speeds away. Santana watches it escape, chuckling.
Once enough time has passed, Puck heads back to Rachel's.
…
"I had a really nice time," Marisa says when Brittany parks in her driveway.
"Me too."
"And thanks for trust me, with your, uh, secret," Marisa continues.
"Thanks for agreeing to go out with me."
"Well, I rarely say no to pretty girls," Marisa replies.
"Lucky me," Brittany smiles. "I don't suppose I could get a good night kiss?"
Marisa nods.
Brittany leans in and cups Marisa's cheek before kissing her. It's short and sweet and when Brittany pulls away, Marisa wraps her arms around her and kisses her again.
…
"You staying the night?" Santana asks Puck as he pulls into Rachel's driveway.
"Nah, you're here," Puck replies. "You two should have some alone time or whatever. Right?"
"Really?"
Puck shrugs. "It makes Rach happy. Besides, tonight was kinda cool. I don't know what I was expecting of you, but damn, Lopez, remind me not to piss you off."
"You should know that already, Puck."
"True. Tell Rach I'll call her later?"
"If I remember." Santana climbs out of the truck and slams the door shut.
…
They end kissing past Marisa's curfew. When they finally break apart, Marisa glances over at the dashboard and sees that it's 12:13.
"Oh crap," she exclaims. "My mom is gonna be pissed."
"You're not going to get in trouble, are you?" Brittany asks, sounding worried.
"Hopefully not," Marisa replies. "I'm technically home, right? The driveway totally counts."
"It should."
"I'll talk to you later?"
Brittany nods. "You won't get in too much trouble, will you? Because I was hoping we could go out again and if I have to wait until you're ungrounded, I'm gonna be sad."
Marisa grins. "I'd like to go out again, too. Maybe my mom didn't even notice."
"We can hope," Brittany says.
Marisa nods. "Night." She lingers for a moment before climbing out of the car.
…
“So,” Rachel says when Santana slides into bed. “Do you think it worked?”
“No idea,” Santana replies. “Though after I add the final bit, I may be insulted if it doesn’t work.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I consider it the coup de grâce or whatever.”
“But you’re not going to let me in on it?” Rachel asks.
“Hey, you’re the one that said keep you out of it,” Santana points out.
“Yeah. Yeah. Throw a girl’s words back at her,” Rachel grumbles.
“Come here, you,” Santana says, grinning.
"Is it wrong that I find it totally hot when you're scheming?" Rachel asks as she scoots into Santana's arms.
"Uh, no, because I am," Santana replies. "Besides I feel the same way about you."
"Awww. That is so sweet."
"Oh shut up and kiss me."
…
Monday morning, Santana is at McKinley bright and early to talk to Coach Sylvester before practice.
"Lopez," she says when she enters her office. "What an interesting surprise."
"Coach," Santana greets. "Can you spare a moment to talk?"
"For you, Lopez? Of course."
"Great. I was hoping you could do me a small favor," Santana says. "If you could call Watters and Kort into your office sometime today and demand to know what they did this weekend."
"I don't do favors, Lopez, you know that."
"And then when they hem and haw over it, you can explain how you were delivered their two uniforms in the most god awful state ever that you immediately had them sent for dry cleaning. And then you can question what they did this weekend in those uniforms because even the bag they were delivered in tells a story."
"Now why would I do this?"
"Besides the fact that it will seriously mess with their heads," Santana replies. "Especially when you present them with their pristine uniforms and this garbage bag." Santana holds up a filthy garbage bag.
"I see. I don't need details. And I like where this seems to be heading. But once again, that still sounds like a favor."
"Well, then I'd like to call in a favor," Santana replies. She hands over a sheet of paper.
"Coach Sylvester owes me one favor. If you ever feel you need it, it's yours. Love, Rachel," Coach reads. "That's quite a girl you've got there Lopez."
"I know," Santana says. "Which is why I'm using it to solve her little pest problem."
"Sickening. Both of you."
"So you'll do it?" Santana asks.
"I'll do it," Coach Sylvester agrees. "And I approve of the mind games, Lopez. Best way to solve your problems."
"Thanks Coach."
…
Monday afternoon, last period, Missy and Wendy are called into Coach Sylvester’s office. They quietly sit and wait for their reprimand, though neither can remember anything they’ve done that would warrant a meeting with Coach Sylvester.
“I must say,” Coach Sylvester begins. “I may be wrong about the two of you.”
That can’t be good, Missy thinks. “Oh?”
“What exactly did you two get into this weekend?”
“Uh…”
“Nothing,” Wendy answers. “We just hung out at Missy’s.”
“Why?” Missy asks.
“Because this was left for me this morning,” Coach Sylvester replies, letting the disgusting garbage bag fall onto the desk. She also lets the napkin she’s using to hold the filthy plastic, fall as well. “And inside were your uniforms. And ladies, I have never seen uniforms looking like this. Based off the smell and textures, my best guess is that you performed some sort of religious sacrifice.”
“Uh, no, we aren’t really into that sort of thing,” Wendy says.
“Well, then your uniforms joined a cult and were inducted this weekend,” Coach Sylvester replies. She then lets their now clean uniforms fall onto their laps. “I had your uniforms dry cleaned immediately. The smell was just too much.”
“Thanks Coach,” Missy says.
“I didn’t do it for you, Watters,” Coach Sylvester tells her. “Either way, I don’t know what weird voodoo you two are into, but don’t do it in your uniforms anymore. I don’t want any more deliveries like this again.”
“Course not, Coach,” Wendy says.
“We, uh, didn’t know that they’d, uh, end up here,” Missy adds.
“Fine. Just get out of here before I decide to revoke your privileges.”
Both Missy and Wendy jump up; grab their uniforms and the garbage bag before scurrying out of the office.
“Bye Coach.”
“Thanks Coach.”
“Very interesting, Lopez,” Coach Sylvester says watching the two escape down the hall. “Very interesting, indeed.”
…
Outside of Coach Sylvester's office, Missy holds up the garbage bag that their uniforms were supposedly delivered in. It's covered in mud, dried blood, sour milk, and oddly, spray cheese. There are cuts, slices and burns in the bag. It also smells pretty awful, like wet manure that's been sitting around in a hot car, with a slight hint of orange.
"What do you suppose it means?" Wendy asks.
"I'm not sure I want to know," Missy replies.
"I didn't find any marks anywhere on me, though," Wendy says. "Maybe she just pretended to do stuff to us."
"I was thinking that," Missy agrees. "Except for the whole Coach thing."
"Lopez could have just gotten her to say all that," Wendy points out.
"How? By asking? Coach Sylvester isn't the type to just do something when asked."
"But Lopez is one of her favorites," Wendy argues.
"Still, it would require Lopez to owe Coach Sylvester and everyone knows that's a dangerous thing. I don't think she'd be that dumb."
"I don't either," Wendy says. "But I'm going to pretend I do."
"Why?"
"Because otherwise my imagination goes wild. I mean, Lopez was trained by the best. She could have done all sorts of horrific things we aren't aware of."
"Yeah, I know," Missy says.
"So… We're backing off Rachel a bit, right?" Wendy asks.
Missy sighs. "Yeah, I think that's best. Otherwise, who knows what Lopez would do to us next."
"No kidding," Wendy says. "I heard a rumor that they shaved every bit of hair off a guy before giving him multiple piercings."
"Just a rumor," Missy replies.
"Rachel confirmed it for me," Wendy tells her.
"Oh. Well, then, yeah, we're backing off."
"Forever?" Wendy asks.
"Well, for now."
"One day, you're going to let me in on your grand plan, Mis," Wendy says as they walk down the hall and back to class.