Freedom Ain't Free (Firefly)
Title Freedom Ain't Free
Fandom: Firefly
Author sl_podcast (Tabitha Smith)
Rating PG
Word Count 969
Characters/Pairing (if any) Mal (mentions of Inara, Zoe, Jayne)
A/N: I neither own the rights to Firefly, the characters Mal, Jayne, Inara or Zoe nor do I have a shiny hat.
There's something about the way she moves that haunts him. After Serenity Valley he thought the only thing that could haunt him like that was the faces of his dead men. Yet lately, it's been her face. In some senses he feels guilty. Like he's been betraying those soldiers who followed him into death. They never got to think of a pretty lady, or a pretty man again. How could he take comfort in the warm thought of soft skin against his when they lay cold forever?
Freedom ain't free. That's what Ma had always said, back on Shadow. When she heard tale of what the Alliance were doing on the boarder planets she'd just shake her head and say, "People oughta rise up. Take arms." Mal, being of the tender age where he thought he knew all, would point out the major flaw in that plan by saying, "people will die Ma. Alliance got ships and guns and such." Ma would just shake her head some more and say, "freedom ain't free boy."
Been a long space of time since those conversation. And Shadow was gone. And so was Ma. Mal let his thoughts drift to what Ma might have thought of Inara. Oh sure, at first she may think Inara was too fancy, too Alliance, too clean, but then Ma would see the spunk in Inara's eyes. That's the same spunk Mal's Ma was made of, a steely kind of playful grit that could get you through almost any storm o' life. Not many had enough life left in'm to have that spunk. Fact is, that's why Mal teased Inara. He liked see her eyes flash and the grin behind her words. Mal wasn't one to invade people's privacy. Well, there was that one time with Jayne, but how was Mal to know that Jayne was having some private time with Vera? He shuddered a bit and turned his thoughts back to Inara.
Mal wasn't the sort of man who fantasied about sex much. It wasn't that he didn't like sex, he liked it a whole hell of a lot, but he didn't really ever find himself thinking it throughout the day. Sometimes it bothered him that he didn't. During the war, every male solider he knew was thinking about sex. A lot. Even the sly ones. But not Mal. Mal just came to the conclusion that he just wasn't one of those kind of guys. He'd like to see if he was alone in this particular frame of mind, but it weren't a topic of conversation he'd be likely to be having. Consequently, his thoughts on Inara were just that he liked having her around. She brought softness into his world. Since Serenity Valley everything had been hard lines, desperation, and harsh colors, but Inara was silk to his wounded soul. Zoe was a great companion, but she wasn't what you'd call tender. Kaylee was a spitfire of giggles and goodness, but her lack of a mute button made Mal a bit crazy sometimes. But Inara. Inara was grace and beauty wrapped up in a form that would have made Athena herself weep.
Sometimes, when he couldn't sleep, he'd pull out a book of poems that made him think on Inara. In the black there weren't much call for poems. When you're living from job to job you find it hard to think on things like beauty and goodness. When you're someone like Mal, you tend not to think on them at all. But after he met Inara, he found himself hankering for some of the poems his Ma would recite. Ma had a memory like that of a cactus. It would stick to near about anything. Even though she was a rancher, she believed in the power of words and wanted Mal to know them too. She had some books she ordered from the mail order catalog. Came straight from Londinium. And she'd read them to Mal every night. Hauntingly beautiful words about love, God, and life. Mal hadn't thought on it much since he left home, but seeing Inara brought it all back. It's as if they were just laying in the back of his brain waiting for Inara.
Mal took a deep breath and stared out at the stars. Flying at night, the crew asleep and just the hum of the workings of Serenity made him speculative. He flipped a couple switches on the dash and played with one of the dinosaurs. If he remembered right it's the one Wash called a T-Rex. Mal rolled his tongue in his mouth, trying to start one of the poems out loud. Maybe if he could say it here in the dark all alone, the words would come when he saw Inara again. Mal sat a spell, summoning courage. It was a strange act. In the heat of battle, or in the face of the Alliance or even at the end of a knife Mal never blinked. But when it came to Inara he had not the strength to speak, let alone march into the fray. Finally he mumbled out the final stanza of the poem:
Then seek not, sweet, the "If" and "Why,"
I love you now until I die.
For I must love because I live,
And life in me is what you give.
Mal sighed and stood, pacing the deck a bit. Then flopped back in the pilot's seat. He speculated on the particular shade of yellow that was running through his veins and picked up the T-Rex again. "Seems to me," Mal said to the plastic toy. "Seems to me freedom and love got a lot in common." T-Rex didn't answer, but Mal was sure he could hear Wash laughing at his plight. Mal sighed again and settled back in the chair. Maybe he'd tell her tomorrow.
Fandom: Firefly
Author sl_podcast (Tabitha Smith)
Rating PG
Word Count 969
Characters/Pairing (if any) Mal (mentions of Inara, Zoe, Jayne)
A/N: I neither own the rights to Firefly, the characters Mal, Jayne, Inara or Zoe nor do I have a shiny hat.
There's something about the way she moves that haunts him. After Serenity Valley he thought the only thing that could haunt him like that was the faces of his dead men. Yet lately, it's been her face. In some senses he feels guilty. Like he's been betraying those soldiers who followed him into death. They never got to think of a pretty lady, or a pretty man again. How could he take comfort in the warm thought of soft skin against his when they lay cold forever?
Freedom ain't free. That's what Ma had always said, back on Shadow. When she heard tale of what the Alliance were doing on the boarder planets she'd just shake her head and say, "People oughta rise up. Take arms." Mal, being of the tender age where he thought he knew all, would point out the major flaw in that plan by saying, "people will die Ma. Alliance got ships and guns and such." Ma would just shake her head some more and say, "freedom ain't free boy."
Been a long space of time since those conversation. And Shadow was gone. And so was Ma. Mal let his thoughts drift to what Ma might have thought of Inara. Oh sure, at first she may think Inara was too fancy, too Alliance, too clean, but then Ma would see the spunk in Inara's eyes. That's the same spunk Mal's Ma was made of, a steely kind of playful grit that could get you through almost any storm o' life. Not many had enough life left in'm to have that spunk. Fact is, that's why Mal teased Inara. He liked see her eyes flash and the grin behind her words. Mal wasn't one to invade people's privacy. Well, there was that one time with Jayne, but how was Mal to know that Jayne was having some private time with Vera? He shuddered a bit and turned his thoughts back to Inara.
Mal wasn't the sort of man who fantasied about sex much. It wasn't that he didn't like sex, he liked it a whole hell of a lot, but he didn't really ever find himself thinking it throughout the day. Sometimes it bothered him that he didn't. During the war, every male solider he knew was thinking about sex. A lot. Even the sly ones. But not Mal. Mal just came to the conclusion that he just wasn't one of those kind of guys. He'd like to see if he was alone in this particular frame of mind, but it weren't a topic of conversation he'd be likely to be having. Consequently, his thoughts on Inara were just that he liked having her around. She brought softness into his world. Since Serenity Valley everything had been hard lines, desperation, and harsh colors, but Inara was silk to his wounded soul. Zoe was a great companion, but she wasn't what you'd call tender. Kaylee was a spitfire of giggles and goodness, but her lack of a mute button made Mal a bit crazy sometimes. But Inara. Inara was grace and beauty wrapped up in a form that would have made Athena herself weep.
Sometimes, when he couldn't sleep, he'd pull out a book of poems that made him think on Inara. In the black there weren't much call for poems. When you're living from job to job you find it hard to think on things like beauty and goodness. When you're someone like Mal, you tend not to think on them at all. But after he met Inara, he found himself hankering for some of the poems his Ma would recite. Ma had a memory like that of a cactus. It would stick to near about anything. Even though she was a rancher, she believed in the power of words and wanted Mal to know them too. She had some books she ordered from the mail order catalog. Came straight from Londinium. And she'd read them to Mal every night. Hauntingly beautiful words about love, God, and life. Mal hadn't thought on it much since he left home, but seeing Inara brought it all back. It's as if they were just laying in the back of his brain waiting for Inara.
Mal took a deep breath and stared out at the stars. Flying at night, the crew asleep and just the hum of the workings of Serenity made him speculative. He flipped a couple switches on the dash and played with one of the dinosaurs. If he remembered right it's the one Wash called a T-Rex. Mal rolled his tongue in his mouth, trying to start one of the poems out loud. Maybe if he could say it here in the dark all alone, the words would come when he saw Inara again. Mal sat a spell, summoning courage. It was a strange act. In the heat of battle, or in the face of the Alliance or even at the end of a knife Mal never blinked. But when it came to Inara he had not the strength to speak, let alone march into the fray. Finally he mumbled out the final stanza of the poem:
Then seek not, sweet, the "If" and "Why,"
I love you now until I die.
For I must love because I live,
And life in me is what you give.
Mal sighed and stood, pacing the deck a bit. Then flopped back in the pilot's seat. He speculated on the particular shade of yellow that was running through his veins and picked up the T-Rex again. "Seems to me," Mal said to the plastic toy. "Seems to me freedom and love got a lot in common." T-Rex didn't answer, but Mal was sure he could hear Wash laughing at his plight. Mal sighed again and settled back in the chair. Maybe he'd tell her tomorrow.