Four Drafts
Title: Four Drafts
Pairings: Yongguk-centric, Yongguk/Himchan (main), Yongguk/Jieun, Yongguk/Zelo
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5.5k+
Warning: Character Death (...sort of) (highlight to read)
Summary: Yongguk rewrites his draft four different times before he completes his love song.
A/N: Cross posted on AFF!
First Draft - May 28, 2026
Yongguk gets married to Himchan a few months after his 35th birthday, after a secretive near ten years they’ve been together. They get married on the anniversary of their relationship, just like Himchan wanted, to Yongguk’s embarrassment.
The event is overexposed and well publicized, because it’s what the fans wanted. The cameras continued to flash and beam at every moment, wanting to make up for the ones the couple had hidden from the world for a decade.
The cameras are eventually chased away an hour before the actual reception, and only family and friends are let in from then on.
Everything feels perfect. Himchan personally dresses the other four members in sleek black suits with ridiculously bright pink bowties.
Himchan himself is wearing an unbelievably immaculate white tuxedo, and Daehyun and Junhong poke fun at it. The oldest grabs the two by the bowties and ushers them back to their seats.
Minutes before the reception, Yongguk sees two very familiar people waving at him from the back row. The smile on his face stretches from ear to ear as he practically runs to them, slowing down when he hears Himchan yell about wrinkling his clothes.
“You’ve sure grown up.” Maslo says, the age showing very visibly on his face, bringing Yongguk into his embrace with his arm. Rilord joins in, awkwardly nudging his body against the two with not much success. Yongguk’s eyes light up when he looks up and sees the child in Rilord’s arms, long hair tied up with a yellow bow.
“Your daughter?” Yongguk asks, to which Rilord gleams proudly. “Haneul couldn’t make it,” The man explains. “She’s eight months along, a boy.” And as he says this, the three men all share a broad grin, silently congratulating each other. The little girl claps her hands and giggles.
“What about you, Hyung?” Yongguk turns to Maslo, who shakes his head with a small smile. “The girlfriend and I are doing well. Not sure if we’ll be getting married anytime soon.” Yongguk is about to respond when he hears Jieun announce the ceremony will be starting soon.
Yongguk flashes his bright smile every time he sees Himchan that day, he can’t help but feel that everything was too perfect to be true. And he continues to smile as brightly as he flips through the freshly printed photobook that evening, pausing at the last page, the picture of all of those who attended the reception.
He runs his fingers down the laminated sheet, looking at each detail from his and Yongnam’s identical smiles, how Himchan was in the midst of fixing his hair when the photo was taken, and how the other members were completely disorganized, trying to put bunny ears on each other’s heads with their fingers. Yongguk’s mouth is wide open, frozen in mid-laugh.
And at that moment, Yongguk decides he is going to write a love song.
Not just a love song, but the love song. He’s written plenty of love songs in his life but this one would be the song of his career; the song of his life. Not just the song for Himchan, but also the song for himself.
Yongguk locks himself in his customized study turned studio. He alternates between the desk and the piano, crumpling up every sheet of paper and banging his hands onto the keys every so often.
Others offer to help but Yongguk politely brushes them off. The only allowed in his room is Himchan, who comes downstairs every evening to talk to him and bring him out of his reveries.
The conversations start to become shorter and shorter, and words soon cease to be said at all. Himchan’s hand is just placed on Yongguk’s shoulder for moments of every day, in hopes of taking the latter out of the world he’s created; the world revolving around the creation that does not exist.
Weeks locked in Yongguk’s study stretch into months and Himchan’s hand continues to grow colder and colder along with the weather. Yongguk assumes it's late November of the next year when Himchan doesn’t come downstairs at all.
In the mess of empty notepads and cloying lyrics, Yongguk doesn’t notice the missing presence. The corrupted music sheets taunt him to try harder.
A few months later, a few days shy of their second anniversary, Himchan leaves him. Yongguk gives his attorney authority to do as he pleases, as long as the proceedings can be over as soon as possible and his project can continue.
Yongguk moves out of the beautiful house he and Himchan shared and moves into a small apartment, taking his desk, his piano, and his clothes. In the first few weeks, his phone rang constantly and Yongguk gave short, vague answers so he could hang up and go back to writing.
The phone calls came from the members, his friends, his family, and one from Himchan, worried about his well-being. They lessened and lessened every day, and three months later, they stopped.
Yongguk continued to separate himself from his reality to escape into each bar of the song. It was inside of him but he didn’t have the strength to find it.
Yongguk is too distracted to be ashamed of his life, too possessed to take care of what he’s become. And one evening, well past midnight, the instant noodles he’s preparing for dinner becomes forgotten. The fire spreads but Yongguk’s too lost in his broken memories and failed ambitions to notice immediately.
He barely has the strength to drag himself out of the house when he starts to feel the flames reach the rest of the apartment. He watches as the work put into his last two years becomes engulfed in orange and red.
This wasn’t how his song was supposed to end.
Second Draft - January 21, 2011
“My name is Song Jieun, nice to meet you.” A long slender arm was extended out to Yongguk, accompanied by a smile from the petite woman. Yongguk shook her hand, worried his own was shaking. He was almost petrified to be in her presence. He wasn’t used to this at all. “Bang Yongguk.” He said, introducing himself as well but tripping over the last syllable.
Jieun beamed amicably. “There’s no need to be nervous. We’re working together, so we should become friends, right?” She nodded for emphasis. Yongguk nodded back, feeling a knot in his stomach untie at her words.
“Right.” He answered and he felt himself smiling back.
This felt okay. He felt okay.
The next few months flew so quickly that Yongguk barely noticed the time passing. He and Jieun had grown close, she was one of his few friends in the new business he had entered.
On the day of the music video shooting, Yongguk felt strange. He felt as if he had been in that exact situation before and knew what would happen if he was to do what he felt the need to do. He had a flash of someone that was familiar but unfamiliar at the same time.
He ignored the feeling, it was making him feel nauseous.
And after the shoot was over, Yongguk didn’t go back to the wardrobe tent to retrieve his hoodie. He never met Himchan, who was looking for one of his items as well. The two never talked that night, they never binded their two timelines together. Instead, it rearranged itself.
Something from a separate reality and different lifetime hit Yongguk, and he saw a flash of orange and red. Startled, he began to walk away from the tent, bumping into a somewhat familiar man with dark hair, apologizing, and nothing more.
Instead, Yongguk ran off to see Jieun, jokingly complimenting her on the bright teal her hair was dyed. Jieun chuckled and thanked him. Yongguk fidgeted, not sure how to go about asking her what he said next. When he did, Jieun looked surprised but nodded and stood up. She took hold of Yongguk’s hand and squeezed it, smiling widely at him.
Yongguk smiled back, and suddenly, the strange feeling he had was gone. Everything felt right again.
As they left the set together, Jieun asked if he wasn’t going to get the hoodie he wore when he arrived. Yongguk shook his head, “It’s alright. I'll get it tomorrow."
Jieun shrugged, telling him the truth that she didn't really like the hoodie.
Halfway through the promotions Jieun and Yongguk had gone through together, they began to hug each other tighter, hold their gazes on stage longer, and have wider beams when they grinned to each other.
They slowly grew into the relationship they shared but never admitted it to each other. During the first week of April, on their last stage together, Yongguk rapped but he did it in a different way. He tried to plead with his eyes, trying to confess to her with the tone of his voice.
Yongguk turned his back to the camera, his palms flat on the piano, trying to capture Jieun’s eyes just for a second. The rest of the performance went on normally but when Jieun circled around Yongguk, the corner of her lips twitched up in the slightest.
When the two went off stage, the rest of the Secret members and their managers were there to congratulate them. Yongguk wrapped his arms around Jieun’s waist and embraced her as usual but longer than before. Jieun was the first to let go but she pulled him back in soon after by holding his cheeks between her hands and pressing her lips to his.
Fantasy and reality begin to whirl around Yongguk’s head and nothing in that moment could have made it any more perfect. The members of Secret are speechless, uttering nothing but gasps at the two. The managers nod and glance at each other, sharing a “I knew it” look.
Himchan walks into the dressing room right as the two let go, with a celebratory cake and balloons. He sees the last few seconds of their kiss and laughed. “I guess we have two things to celebrate now?”
Yongguk sees Himchan and gleams at his recently made friend of a week. It was strange, though. Himchan's presence threw Yongguk off once in a while.
Yongguk felt someone turn him around to face the others. Jieun’s arm looped around Yongguk’s, she rested her head against his shoulder and nudged his side. “Smile.” She pointed at the polaroid being held by Hyosung and Yongguk did as he was told, expressing his euphoria as well as he could.
It was Jieun’s song now.
Yongguk and Jieun are together for seven years before they decide to get married. Yongguk proposed first and Jieun said yes almost immediately. She admitted she was going to ask him the same thing sometime the next morning.
They were each other’s steps, the ending to their sentences, almost perfectly in sync at all times.
They decide to announce it at Secret’s ninth anniversary party. Jieun abruptly interrupts the noisy crowds of artists and press to make an announcement. Yongguk is standing behind her and reassuringly squeezes her hand.
“Yongguk and I are getting married.”
The entire room is silent, until what Jieun said registered in the minds of the guests. Chaos occurs amongst the reporters, all of them rushing to the front to ask questions. An impromptu press conference occurs and in a matter of days, almost all of South Korea’s heard of their engagement.
The date was set for late May, when both of them would be thirty-one. The preparations for the wedding were the busiest few months of Yongguk’s life, even compared to B.A.P’s most hectic schedules.
After what feels like a lifetime of picking out the right tie, Yongguk finds himself standing at the altar, Himchan by his side. He and the other four are wearing familiarly unfamiliar bright pink bowties.
Yongguk senses something vague, as if he’s done this before. He shakes it off once again and glances at Himchan.
“He’s better off.”
And Yongguk isn’t completely sure why he thinks that but he ignores it as he hears the first few notes of the wedding march.
Eventually, Yongguk tries to write that song again. He spends six months in the studio, taking breaks a few times inbetween to center himself. He’s certain he’ll lose himself in the music if he doesn’t do so.
Jieun is with him every step of the way while he writes it, often falling asleep on the couch as Yongguk composes bars and bars of notes strung together to create a mellifluous harmony that he’s extremely proud of. On occasion, something tugs at him, saying that not every beat and pause was for her.
The release of his song lifts Yongguk to a position of fame he never expected. He’s praised continuously for the masterfully composed song and always answers with the name of Jieun when asked who his inspiration was.
After countless interviews just to talk about his song, Yongguk’s almost able to recite every answer without even hearing the questions. The interviewer once asks who he thought of while writing it, expecting the obvious answer.
However, Yongguk’s mind suddenly goes elsewhere and he suddenly feels like he’s not in his world. He hasn’t realized that he’s said the wrong answer until he’s half-way through it. He quickly corrects himself and goes back to saying Jieun, throwing in a good-hearted smile and pretending nothing happened.
He wasn’t sure what happened just then but convinces himself it was just a slip-up.
Although the media first let it go, netizens did not. Just hours after the interview is published, Yongguk’s name launches to the top of the search engines, accompanied with the word “cheating”.
Hundreds of theories on who he really wrote the song for came up. Celebrities, entertainers, and other idols names are all compiled on a large list passed from forum to forum. All of them have a name beginning with the letter “H”.
Himchan’s name is on the list as well.
Of course, Jieun isn’t fazed by it. She knows how busy Yongguk’s been in the past few months writing the song, he barely had time to eat, let alone cheat on her. The two decided they would just ignore it, that the story would die down soon.
It obviously wasn’t that easy. It was impossible. The media picked up on the story eventually, pestering Yongguk and even Jieun for details. Jieun came into the studio one night, extremely frustrated after a particularly pesky reporter had been nosing her all day.
Yongguk tried to comfort her, he had been hounded by the press just as much. Guilt overwhelmed him as Jieun paced around the room sighing. “Jieun, maybe we can just wait a little longer. They’ll give up some time.”
Jieun turns completely to face him and snaps, “I’ve been waiting for a few months!” She yells, anger obvious in her eyes. “When will they quit?!”
Yongguk feels horrible because it really is his fault. Jieun continues, voice rising in volume and anger. “This is all your fault! Why didn’t you say my name anyway?!”
The man stammers. "Are you really cheating on me?” She asks calmly, her voice shrinking into a squeak.
The other was silent.
Jieun stands up. She walks out of the studio wordlessly, not even bothering to take her bag.
He should have said no.
Yongguk spent the rest of his sleepless night in the studio. He listened to his wretched song over and over again. It disheveled before him. The notes didn’t sound melodious anymore, they sounded as if they were strained. The lyrics were off, cliché even. The story was too empty, unexperienced. The more he listened to it, the more flaws he found. This wasn’t the song he wanted.
That night, Yongguk kissed his memories goodbye and left himself once again.
Third Draft - November 17, 2011
“Hyung,” Yongguk heard a voice say. “Hyung! What are you doing?”
He looked up. He was in the practice room of their company’s building. A confused looking Junhong was in front of him.
“Are you alright, Hyung? You looked out of it.” Junhong asks, eyes round and shiny under the room’s artificial lighting.
Yongguk shrugs it off, he feels like he was in a extremely vivid daydream. “I’m alright. Where are the others?”
“They left, said they were tired.” The younger boy picked himself off the floor. “I think I need to practice some more.”
“Do you want me to stay?” Yongguk asks, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “I can if you want to.”
Junhong nods and rubs his palms together, as if in deep concentration. “Can I ask you for a favor?”
Yongguk pauses in the midst of getting up to sit back down. “A favor?” He repeats.
“Yeah, do you think you could practice rapping with me? After our normal training?” Junhong visibly fidgets, rocking back and forth on his heels. “I’m really falling behind and we’re debuting soon so…”
“I don’t have time.” Yongguk said, wishing he could have said it less bluntly after seeing Junhong’s face fall. He really didn’t though. The seldom hours he had between practices were expected to be dedicated toward eating and sleeping.
“Please, Hyung? It would mean a lot to me, please?” Junhong urged him. Yongguk’s thoughts strained and intertwined with conscience and he reluctantly nodded. Junhong’s lips stretch into a wide smile beneath his tired eyes.
It makes Yongguk believe he made the right choice.
The next few weeks are filled with determination and hard work. The two stay countless hours after practice, on their backs and yelling up at the ceiling. Laughs echo through the room when one or both of them make a mistake.
Somewhere around their thirtieth private rehearsal, Junhong collapses into laughter after he accomplishes the lyrics of a particularly fast rap line. Yongguk claps for him, feeling pride swell in him.
“Thank you, Hyung! Thank you so much!” Junhong cheers, wrapping his arms around Yongguk. A horrible feeling rests in his stomach. The older muffles a gasp and pushes the younger off of him.
Junhong ducks back, visibly shrinking down, his face flushed. He murmurs a quick apology before running out of the practice room, not bothering to even put on his shoes. Yongguk doesn’t react immediately but instead pauses until he hears the rush of steps down the two flights of stairs. He then gets up, pulling on his worn out sneakers and going after Junhong.
Yongguk runs after him, his feet picking up speed when he sees Junhong reach a crosslight about to switch red. He grabs the younger boy by the back of his jacket and pulls him back to the street, avoiding the patches of ice that covered parts of the ground.
“You could have slipped.” Yongguk says sternly, feeling a slew of mixed emotions rising from the pit of his stomach. “You should be more careful, we’re debuting in less than a month now!”
Junhong refuses to make eye contact with him, his feet sinking into the snow and feeling frozen between his toes. “I’m sorry.” He replies meekly. His head is faced downwards, his shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry about both things.”
Yongguk pauses his movements and for a moment, something odd bubbles in him. He pats the younger boy’s back and drapes his jacket over his shoulders. “Let’s talk about this inside.”
“Hyung, I really like you.” Junhong admits, cheeks tinging pink. A light in the practice room shone dimly on his embarrassed face. “I really like you.”
Yongguk doesn’t know how to respond. He knows what he should tell Junhong and he knows what he wants to tell Junhong. Is this how it’s supposed to go? If he wasn’t to be with Himchan or Jieun, was Junhong the answer?
The time spent with the younger had been the highlights of his training. They felt comfortable with each other, and there was something about Junhong’s innocence and drive that made Yongguk feel so happy. But still, something nagged at him that made him not want to say anything. He didn’t know what would happen so his mouth remains shut.
Junhong seems to become impatient. His fingers curl against the hardwood floor. He’s eager, it’s obvious by the way he pushes himself forward. It might also be because of the way he’s quivering that he still has half of the courage he requires.
Junhong makes himself the answer. The line Yongguk had tried to avoid crossing strained when he reciprocated and leaned towards him. A rush of cautious wind flew between the two when Yongguk decides that the song should be about Junhong.
The line disappears and everything feels right.
B.A.P debuts, and Yongguk and Junhong are still together. They sneak around as stealthily as they can and it seems to be working out. Jongup catches the two in the dorm’s bathroom once but brushes it off when Yongguk convinces him that he was fixing Junhong’s hair.
Then during the middle of filming Ta-Dah, everything goes to hell. Between sets, when the members are sent to stylists to fix their hair and change clothes, Yongguk and Junhong try to find a place to be with each other after their turns.
The two sneak off to an empty dressing room, and Yongguk’s hands are placed gently onto the sides of Junhong’s face. The two are lost in each other, paying little attention to the surrounding world. They’re too intoxicated to notice the click of a door opening but they do notice the gasp of a staff member and the sound of her clipboard dropping to the ground.
Yongguk really recognizes the gravity of his actions when his eyes open and sees the shocked woman standing by the door, eyes wide. She wordlessly picks up her clipboard and rushes out of the room, as if she hadn’t seen anything.
Junhong’s face is white as a sheet, his hands are trembling as he tries to find the right words. Yongguk reassures him that she won’t tell anyone but he isn’t sure of himself. His eyes hold a glimmer of hope and he tries to make Junhong think positively too.
When the two return to the members, their indifferent demeanour reassures them. They didn’t know anything. Junhong’s hair is immediately being fixed by a stylist, and she scolds him while asking how his curls have gotten to this disheveled state. He laughs nervously.
Through their next schedules, Yongguk constantly checks the news on their group’s shared phone and comes up with nothing. He breathes a sigh of relief, with no clue on what was to come.
Weeks after the incident, it happens. Yongguk open his eyes to multiple headlines, all about the same story.
“Two Undisclosed Male Idols Revealed to be Gay” was the along the lines of the first few and Yongguk looked at Junhong with worried eyes as the six of them watched the news. Youngjae briefly contemplates who it is out loud, and Junhong’s hands wrap into fists.
“Rookie Group B.A.P Stained by Gay Controversy” was released days after, with Yongguk and Junhong’s name in large print in nearby articles. The company, managers, and the other members are speechless.
Multiple press conferences is what B.A.P’s lives come down to as their promotions come to a complete stand-still. Questions are asked to all of them but the answers are all vague and don’t give out much information, further throwing suspicion onto the story.
Junhong’s mother calls him in tears, throwing disappointment after disappointment onto the boy. Yongguk should have known this would have happened. He should have known it would never be this easy.
The other members are consoling and attempt to be supportive but the frustration and anger is evident in their voices. The six of them return to their homes for the time being, wanting to avoid any more press.
Yongguk and Junhong don’t see each other for weeks but they text daily and call each other once in a while. Their conversations are reassuring and hopeful, as are conversations with the other members. However, their texts begin to come less and less often and within a month, they don’t come at all.
The only one Yongguk remains in contact with is Junhong and they continue to remain optimistic, they would make it up to the rest of them and everything would be fine.
In the following week, they’re presented with one final solution. They’re told to hold a press conference by their company and deny everything. They’re to separate and not hold any romantic connections with each other. They’re to lie and state they’re not gay, nor in love.
To lie would hurt the both of them but in a text the night before, Yongguk says that it might be their only chance to save B.A.P. Junhong doesn’t reply but Yongguk thinks nothing of it when their manager calls him that night and says Junhong agreed to it as well.
Yongguk is more hopeful now. He’s hoping a new beginning will come soon and that he and Junhong can be with each other again, whether they’re together or not.
Junhong never makes it to the press conference. He swallows a whole bottle of pills before he sleeps and goes quietly. He leaves a note taped to the bottle, with a simple “sorry” scrawled out in red pen.
The news hits Yongguk hard. He finds out in the morning, when he receives a call from his manager saying that the press conference was canceled.
Junhong had done what he wanted and left but he left Yongguk behind.
The last text he had received from Junhong reassured him that everything would be okay.
Yongguk almost doesn’t attend Junhong’s funeral. He doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to accept this ending. The members are surprised to see him and Himchan can’t stop crying.
Yongguk can’t seem to form tears because he knows it won’t end like this. Junhong deserved a better song, even if it was with someone else.
As a few tears start to cloud his vision, Yongguk quietly says goodbye to Junhong by humming the first bars of the song he had started to write for the both of them.
Fourth Draft - February 14, 2008
Kwangyo says something with a smirk before turning to leave. Yongguk waves at him and says goodbye to him, watching him leave the room. The only ones left in the room are Yongguk and Maslo now.
“You leaving for Valentine’s too?” Maslo asks sarcastically, crumpling up a piece of paper that had possible lyrics. Yongguk shakes his head. “Don’t have anyone to spend it with.” He replies apathetically.
In one way, he’s glad he doesn’t have anyone. The last thing he wants to do is hurt someone else. He feels like he’s hurt someone before but the feeling is completely confusing because he hasn’t experienced something he’s already aware of.
“Are you crying?” Maslo asks with slight concern, slight because they were supposed to be working on their next song, not crying for no apparent reason.
Yongguk rubs at his eyes. “Ah, no. I was thinking about something sad.” He coughs.
Maslo throws a pen at his head. “Think about something to write about, I’m your date today.” He slides a piece of paper to Yongguk across the table.
Yongguk presses his pen to the paper but no ideas flow. “What do I write?” He scratches his head with his pen, not sure of anything. He didn’t have much experience to write something meaningful and realistic. “How do I write?”
“If you don’t know what and how to write then try to find a reason why.” Maslo explains, his fingers drum the surface of the table. “Even if it’s not something you know the most about, figure it out and experience it through words. Just try it out.”
A sudden surge of electricity rockets through Yongguk. He can suddenly picture it, some of the fluid motions his song would take. He can practically hear the melody running around his head, he just doesn’t know how to capture it yet.
Yongguk starts to scribble down a few lyrics. They don’t make sense and the story behind them are unfamiliar but he knows he’ll understand them soon enough.
He feels himself unwind, and he lets himself forget.
Fifth Final Draft - January 29, 2011
Yongguk is waiting for Jieun outside her dressing room. She said she needed to change and then they would have a meeting on her solo album’s concept. He had a few ideas in his mind but he didn’t know if he would use them, he didn’t want to seem like he was imposing.
Another door opens in the hallway and an unfamiliar man about Yongguk’s age steps out. A similar moment replays in Yongguk’s memory, almost like deja vu. Something feels different about this time though so out of pure curiosity, Yongguk speaks to him.
“Hey.”
The man stops, and although looking confused, greets back. “Hey.”
“Are you a trainee?” Yongguk asks, immediately regretting getting himself into this awkward situation.
“Yeah…” The other man says stiffly. “I’m supposed to be in the new boy group.”
Yongguk’s eyes light up. “So am I.” He says just as wooden. The aura coming off the man in front of him was giving Yongguk a strange discomfort. “I don’t want to work with you.” The sentence comes out unexpectedly, and he almost claps his hand over is mouth.
The other man looks surprised, but laughs despite the situation. “Well, I’ll have to change that then.” He sticks his hand out to Yongguk. “I’m Himchan. Kim Himchan.”
Yongguk takes it and feels a wave of a strong emotion course through him when he shakes it. It’s strange and there’s really no words to describe it but familiarly unfamiliar. “I’m Bang Yongguk.” He says and the conversation continues until Jieun comes out.
Yongguk sort of wishes she had been in there longer.
In the years to come, Yongguk rewrites his previous timelines. On the day of Jieun’s music video shoot, Yongguk doesn’t go to retrieve his hoodie or to see Jieun.
For reasons he still doesn’t understand, he feels regretful when he sees Jieun from time to time.
Yongguk’s friendship with Himchan starts earlier and by the time B.A.P debuts, the two are almost best friends.
Yongguk writes a song for no one in particular sometime in July. He’s praised for how realistic the emotion in the lyrics are.
Junhong asks Yongguk to help him practice and the latter agrees, but he only sees him once a week. The younger’s rapping excels to levels of which no one else ever expected.
A part of Yongguk believes he never needed his help.
And that leaves Yongguk and Himchan. Neither of them confesses to the other or acknowledge their relationship through words but the way they acted spoke for themselves.
Their friendship formed bonds that they never expected to create. It was mended and resown until each memory intertwined and their relationship was made. Yongguk’s still not sure when the two of them decided that they would be each other’s answer but he never really figured out what the question was in the first place.
Yongguk gets married to Himchan a few days after his 35th birthday. Their friendship’s existed for almost fifteen years and only a few are surprised when they announce their engagement.
Press and cameras are politely shut out during the ceremony and the reception. The gathering is small and quiet, with only the closest of friends and family invited.
The other four members are wearing sleek black suits with ridiculously bright pink bowties that Himchan had picked out himself. Yongguk and Himchan both wear white suits because the latter begged hard enough. These are later made fun of by Daehyun and Junhong, who trip over each other when Himchan chases after them.
Yongguk invites Maslo to the wedding but he declines last minute, saying his wife has gone into labour. Rilord shows up with his own family, a wife, a daughter, and two twin sons.
Yongguk treats Himchan as well as he can, because it’s what he deserves. He wants to make up for time he feels like he’s lost in the past.
A few months after the wedding, Yongguk decides to write a love song.
Not just a love song, but the love song. He’s written plenty of love songs in his life but this one would be the song of his career; the song of his life. The song for himself.
The song flows through him and finds its way to Yongguk’s hands. It comes from the back of his mind as easily as a vivid reverie-or four-and he completes it in the course of a month.
The first person to hear it is Himchan, and he thinks it’s about him.
Pairings: Yongguk-centric, Yongguk/Himchan (main), Yongguk/Jieun, Yongguk/Zelo
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5.5k+
Warning: Character Death (...sort of) (highlight to read)
Summary: Yongguk rewrites his draft four different times before he completes his love song.
A/N: Cross posted on AFF!
First Draft - May 28, 2026
Yongguk gets married to Himchan a few months after his 35th birthday, after a secretive near ten years they’ve been together. They get married on the anniversary of their relationship, just like Himchan wanted, to Yongguk’s embarrassment.
The event is overexposed and well publicized, because it’s what the fans wanted. The cameras continued to flash and beam at every moment, wanting to make up for the ones the couple had hidden from the world for a decade.
The cameras are eventually chased away an hour before the actual reception, and only family and friends are let in from then on.
Everything feels perfect. Himchan personally dresses the other four members in sleek black suits with ridiculously bright pink bowties.
Himchan himself is wearing an unbelievably immaculate white tuxedo, and Daehyun and Junhong poke fun at it. The oldest grabs the two by the bowties and ushers them back to their seats.
Minutes before the reception, Yongguk sees two very familiar people waving at him from the back row. The smile on his face stretches from ear to ear as he practically runs to them, slowing down when he hears Himchan yell about wrinkling his clothes.
“You’ve sure grown up.” Maslo says, the age showing very visibly on his face, bringing Yongguk into his embrace with his arm. Rilord joins in, awkwardly nudging his body against the two with not much success. Yongguk’s eyes light up when he looks up and sees the child in Rilord’s arms, long hair tied up with a yellow bow.
“Your daughter?” Yongguk asks, to which Rilord gleams proudly. “Haneul couldn’t make it,” The man explains. “She’s eight months along, a boy.” And as he says this, the three men all share a broad grin, silently congratulating each other. The little girl claps her hands and giggles.
“What about you, Hyung?” Yongguk turns to Maslo, who shakes his head with a small smile. “The girlfriend and I are doing well. Not sure if we’ll be getting married anytime soon.” Yongguk is about to respond when he hears Jieun announce the ceremony will be starting soon.
Yongguk flashes his bright smile every time he sees Himchan that day, he can’t help but feel that everything was too perfect to be true. And he continues to smile as brightly as he flips through the freshly printed photobook that evening, pausing at the last page, the picture of all of those who attended the reception.
He runs his fingers down the laminated sheet, looking at each detail from his and Yongnam’s identical smiles, how Himchan was in the midst of fixing his hair when the photo was taken, and how the other members were completely disorganized, trying to put bunny ears on each other’s heads with their fingers. Yongguk’s mouth is wide open, frozen in mid-laugh.
And at that moment, Yongguk decides he is going to write a love song.
Not just a love song, but the love song. He’s written plenty of love songs in his life but this one would be the song of his career; the song of his life. Not just the song for Himchan, but also the song for himself.
Yongguk locks himself in his customized study turned studio. He alternates between the desk and the piano, crumpling up every sheet of paper and banging his hands onto the keys every so often.
Others offer to help but Yongguk politely brushes them off. The only allowed in his room is Himchan, who comes downstairs every evening to talk to him and bring him out of his reveries.
The conversations start to become shorter and shorter, and words soon cease to be said at all. Himchan’s hand is just placed on Yongguk’s shoulder for moments of every day, in hopes of taking the latter out of the world he’s created; the world revolving around the creation that does not exist.
Weeks locked in Yongguk’s study stretch into months and Himchan’s hand continues to grow colder and colder along with the weather. Yongguk assumes it's late November of the next year when Himchan doesn’t come downstairs at all.
In the mess of empty notepads and cloying lyrics, Yongguk doesn’t notice the missing presence. The corrupted music sheets taunt him to try harder.
A few months later, a few days shy of their second anniversary, Himchan leaves him. Yongguk gives his attorney authority to do as he pleases, as long as the proceedings can be over as soon as possible and his project can continue.
Yongguk moves out of the beautiful house he and Himchan shared and moves into a small apartment, taking his desk, his piano, and his clothes. In the first few weeks, his phone rang constantly and Yongguk gave short, vague answers so he could hang up and go back to writing.
The phone calls came from the members, his friends, his family, and one from Himchan, worried about his well-being. They lessened and lessened every day, and three months later, they stopped.
Yongguk continued to separate himself from his reality to escape into each bar of the song. It was inside of him but he didn’t have the strength to find it.
Yongguk is too distracted to be ashamed of his life, too possessed to take care of what he’s become. And one evening, well past midnight, the instant noodles he’s preparing for dinner becomes forgotten. The fire spreads but Yongguk’s too lost in his broken memories and failed ambitions to notice immediately.
He barely has the strength to drag himself out of the house when he starts to feel the flames reach the rest of the apartment. He watches as the work put into his last two years becomes engulfed in orange and red.
This wasn’t how his song was supposed to end.
Second Draft - January 21, 2011
“My name is Song Jieun, nice to meet you.” A long slender arm was extended out to Yongguk, accompanied by a smile from the petite woman. Yongguk shook her hand, worried his own was shaking. He was almost petrified to be in her presence. He wasn’t used to this at all. “Bang Yongguk.” He said, introducing himself as well but tripping over the last syllable.
Jieun beamed amicably. “There’s no need to be nervous. We’re working together, so we should become friends, right?” She nodded for emphasis. Yongguk nodded back, feeling a knot in his stomach untie at her words.
“Right.” He answered and he felt himself smiling back.
This felt okay. He felt okay.
The next few months flew so quickly that Yongguk barely noticed the time passing. He and Jieun had grown close, she was one of his few friends in the new business he had entered.
On the day of the music video shooting, Yongguk felt strange. He felt as if he had been in that exact situation before and knew what would happen if he was to do what he felt the need to do. He had a flash of someone that was familiar but unfamiliar at the same time.
He ignored the feeling, it was making him feel nauseous.
And after the shoot was over, Yongguk didn’t go back to the wardrobe tent to retrieve his hoodie. He never met Himchan, who was looking for one of his items as well. The two never talked that night, they never binded their two timelines together. Instead, it rearranged itself.
Something from a separate reality and different lifetime hit Yongguk, and he saw a flash of orange and red. Startled, he began to walk away from the tent, bumping into a somewhat familiar man with dark hair, apologizing, and nothing more.
Instead, Yongguk ran off to see Jieun, jokingly complimenting her on the bright teal her hair was dyed. Jieun chuckled and thanked him. Yongguk fidgeted, not sure how to go about asking her what he said next. When he did, Jieun looked surprised but nodded and stood up. She took hold of Yongguk’s hand and squeezed it, smiling widely at him.
Yongguk smiled back, and suddenly, the strange feeling he had was gone. Everything felt right again.
As they left the set together, Jieun asked if he wasn’t going to get the hoodie he wore when he arrived. Yongguk shook his head, “It’s alright. I'll get it tomorrow."
Jieun shrugged, telling him the truth that she didn't really like the hoodie.
Halfway through the promotions Jieun and Yongguk had gone through together, they began to hug each other tighter, hold their gazes on stage longer, and have wider beams when they grinned to each other.
They slowly grew into the relationship they shared but never admitted it to each other. During the first week of April, on their last stage together, Yongguk rapped but he did it in a different way. He tried to plead with his eyes, trying to confess to her with the tone of his voice.
Yongguk turned his back to the camera, his palms flat on the piano, trying to capture Jieun’s eyes just for a second. The rest of the performance went on normally but when Jieun circled around Yongguk, the corner of her lips twitched up in the slightest.
When the two went off stage, the rest of the Secret members and their managers were there to congratulate them. Yongguk wrapped his arms around Jieun’s waist and embraced her as usual but longer than before. Jieun was the first to let go but she pulled him back in soon after by holding his cheeks between her hands and pressing her lips to his.
Fantasy and reality begin to whirl around Yongguk’s head and nothing in that moment could have made it any more perfect. The members of Secret are speechless, uttering nothing but gasps at the two. The managers nod and glance at each other, sharing a “I knew it” look.
Himchan walks into the dressing room right as the two let go, with a celebratory cake and balloons. He sees the last few seconds of their kiss and laughed. “I guess we have two things to celebrate now?”
Yongguk sees Himchan and gleams at his recently made friend of a week. It was strange, though. Himchan's presence threw Yongguk off once in a while.
Yongguk felt someone turn him around to face the others. Jieun’s arm looped around Yongguk’s, she rested her head against his shoulder and nudged his side. “Smile.” She pointed at the polaroid being held by Hyosung and Yongguk did as he was told, expressing his euphoria as well as he could.
It was Jieun’s song now.
Yongguk and Jieun are together for seven years before they decide to get married. Yongguk proposed first and Jieun said yes almost immediately. She admitted she was going to ask him the same thing sometime the next morning.
They were each other’s steps, the ending to their sentences, almost perfectly in sync at all times.
They decide to announce it at Secret’s ninth anniversary party. Jieun abruptly interrupts the noisy crowds of artists and press to make an announcement. Yongguk is standing behind her and reassuringly squeezes her hand.
“Yongguk and I are getting married.”
The entire room is silent, until what Jieun said registered in the minds of the guests. Chaos occurs amongst the reporters, all of them rushing to the front to ask questions. An impromptu press conference occurs and in a matter of days, almost all of South Korea’s heard of their engagement.
The date was set for late May, when both of them would be thirty-one. The preparations for the wedding were the busiest few months of Yongguk’s life, even compared to B.A.P’s most hectic schedules.
After what feels like a lifetime of picking out the right tie, Yongguk finds himself standing at the altar, Himchan by his side. He and the other four are wearing familiarly unfamiliar bright pink bowties.
Yongguk senses something vague, as if he’s done this before. He shakes it off once again and glances at Himchan.
“He’s better off.”
And Yongguk isn’t completely sure why he thinks that but he ignores it as he hears the first few notes of the wedding march.
Eventually, Yongguk tries to write that song again. He spends six months in the studio, taking breaks a few times inbetween to center himself. He’s certain he’ll lose himself in the music if he doesn’t do so.
Jieun is with him every step of the way while he writes it, often falling asleep on the couch as Yongguk composes bars and bars of notes strung together to create a mellifluous harmony that he’s extremely proud of. On occasion, something tugs at him, saying that not every beat and pause was for her.
The release of his song lifts Yongguk to a position of fame he never expected. He’s praised continuously for the masterfully composed song and always answers with the name of Jieun when asked who his inspiration was.
After countless interviews just to talk about his song, Yongguk’s almost able to recite every answer without even hearing the questions. The interviewer once asks who he thought of while writing it, expecting the obvious answer.
However, Yongguk’s mind suddenly goes elsewhere and he suddenly feels like he’s not in his world. He hasn’t realized that he’s said the wrong answer until he’s half-way through it. He quickly corrects himself and goes back to saying Jieun, throwing in a good-hearted smile and pretending nothing happened.
He wasn’t sure what happened just then but convinces himself it was just a slip-up.
Although the media first let it go, netizens did not. Just hours after the interview is published, Yongguk’s name launches to the top of the search engines, accompanied with the word “cheating”.
Hundreds of theories on who he really wrote the song for came up. Celebrities, entertainers, and other idols names are all compiled on a large list passed from forum to forum. All of them have a name beginning with the letter “H”.
Himchan’s name is on the list as well.
Of course, Jieun isn’t fazed by it. She knows how busy Yongguk’s been in the past few months writing the song, he barely had time to eat, let alone cheat on her. The two decided they would just ignore it, that the story would die down soon.
It obviously wasn’t that easy. It was impossible. The media picked up on the story eventually, pestering Yongguk and even Jieun for details. Jieun came into the studio one night, extremely frustrated after a particularly pesky reporter had been nosing her all day.
Yongguk tried to comfort her, he had been hounded by the press just as much. Guilt overwhelmed him as Jieun paced around the room sighing. “Jieun, maybe we can just wait a little longer. They’ll give up some time.”
Jieun turns completely to face him and snaps, “I’ve been waiting for a few months!” She yells, anger obvious in her eyes. “When will they quit?!”
Yongguk feels horrible because it really is his fault. Jieun continues, voice rising in volume and anger. “This is all your fault! Why didn’t you say my name anyway?!”
The man stammers. "Are you really cheating on me?” She asks calmly, her voice shrinking into a squeak.
The other was silent.
Jieun stands up. She walks out of the studio wordlessly, not even bothering to take her bag.
He should have said no.
Yongguk spent the rest of his sleepless night in the studio. He listened to his wretched song over and over again. It disheveled before him. The notes didn’t sound melodious anymore, they sounded as if they were strained. The lyrics were off, cliché even. The story was too empty, unexperienced. The more he listened to it, the more flaws he found. This wasn’t the song he wanted.
That night, Yongguk kissed his memories goodbye and left himself once again.
Third Draft - November 17, 2011
“Hyung,” Yongguk heard a voice say. “Hyung! What are you doing?”
He looked up. He was in the practice room of their company’s building. A confused looking Junhong was in front of him.
“Are you alright, Hyung? You looked out of it.” Junhong asks, eyes round and shiny under the room’s artificial lighting.
Yongguk shrugs it off, he feels like he was in a extremely vivid daydream. “I’m alright. Where are the others?”
“They left, said they were tired.” The younger boy picked himself off the floor. “I think I need to practice some more.”
“Do you want me to stay?” Yongguk asks, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “I can if you want to.”
Junhong nods and rubs his palms together, as if in deep concentration. “Can I ask you for a favor?”
Yongguk pauses in the midst of getting up to sit back down. “A favor?” He repeats.
“Yeah, do you think you could practice rapping with me? After our normal training?” Junhong visibly fidgets, rocking back and forth on his heels. “I’m really falling behind and we’re debuting soon so…”
“I don’t have time.” Yongguk said, wishing he could have said it less bluntly after seeing Junhong’s face fall. He really didn’t though. The seldom hours he had between practices were expected to be dedicated toward eating and sleeping.
“Please, Hyung? It would mean a lot to me, please?” Junhong urged him. Yongguk’s thoughts strained and intertwined with conscience and he reluctantly nodded. Junhong’s lips stretch into a wide smile beneath his tired eyes.
It makes Yongguk believe he made the right choice.
The next few weeks are filled with determination and hard work. The two stay countless hours after practice, on their backs and yelling up at the ceiling. Laughs echo through the room when one or both of them make a mistake.
Somewhere around their thirtieth private rehearsal, Junhong collapses into laughter after he accomplishes the lyrics of a particularly fast rap line. Yongguk claps for him, feeling pride swell in him.
“Thank you, Hyung! Thank you so much!” Junhong cheers, wrapping his arms around Yongguk. A horrible feeling rests in his stomach. The older muffles a gasp and pushes the younger off of him.
Junhong ducks back, visibly shrinking down, his face flushed. He murmurs a quick apology before running out of the practice room, not bothering to even put on his shoes. Yongguk doesn’t react immediately but instead pauses until he hears the rush of steps down the two flights of stairs. He then gets up, pulling on his worn out sneakers and going after Junhong.
Yongguk runs after him, his feet picking up speed when he sees Junhong reach a crosslight about to switch red. He grabs the younger boy by the back of his jacket and pulls him back to the street, avoiding the patches of ice that covered parts of the ground.
“You could have slipped.” Yongguk says sternly, feeling a slew of mixed emotions rising from the pit of his stomach. “You should be more careful, we’re debuting in less than a month now!”
Junhong refuses to make eye contact with him, his feet sinking into the snow and feeling frozen between his toes. “I’m sorry.” He replies meekly. His head is faced downwards, his shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry about both things.”
Yongguk pauses his movements and for a moment, something odd bubbles in him. He pats the younger boy’s back and drapes his jacket over his shoulders. “Let’s talk about this inside.”
“Hyung, I really like you.” Junhong admits, cheeks tinging pink. A light in the practice room shone dimly on his embarrassed face. “I really like you.”
Yongguk doesn’t know how to respond. He knows what he should tell Junhong and he knows what he wants to tell Junhong. Is this how it’s supposed to go? If he wasn’t to be with Himchan or Jieun, was Junhong the answer?
The time spent with the younger had been the highlights of his training. They felt comfortable with each other, and there was something about Junhong’s innocence and drive that made Yongguk feel so happy. But still, something nagged at him that made him not want to say anything. He didn’t know what would happen so his mouth remains shut.
Junhong seems to become impatient. His fingers curl against the hardwood floor. He’s eager, it’s obvious by the way he pushes himself forward. It might also be because of the way he’s quivering that he still has half of the courage he requires.
Junhong makes himself the answer. The line Yongguk had tried to avoid crossing strained when he reciprocated and leaned towards him. A rush of cautious wind flew between the two when Yongguk decides that the song should be about Junhong.
The line disappears and everything feels right.
B.A.P debuts, and Yongguk and Junhong are still together. They sneak around as stealthily as they can and it seems to be working out. Jongup catches the two in the dorm’s bathroom once but brushes it off when Yongguk convinces him that he was fixing Junhong’s hair.
Then during the middle of filming Ta-Dah, everything goes to hell. Between sets, when the members are sent to stylists to fix their hair and change clothes, Yongguk and Junhong try to find a place to be with each other after their turns.
The two sneak off to an empty dressing room, and Yongguk’s hands are placed gently onto the sides of Junhong’s face. The two are lost in each other, paying little attention to the surrounding world. They’re too intoxicated to notice the click of a door opening but they do notice the gasp of a staff member and the sound of her clipboard dropping to the ground.
Yongguk really recognizes the gravity of his actions when his eyes open and sees the shocked woman standing by the door, eyes wide. She wordlessly picks up her clipboard and rushes out of the room, as if she hadn’t seen anything.
Junhong’s face is white as a sheet, his hands are trembling as he tries to find the right words. Yongguk reassures him that she won’t tell anyone but he isn’t sure of himself. His eyes hold a glimmer of hope and he tries to make Junhong think positively too.
When the two return to the members, their indifferent demeanour reassures them. They didn’t know anything. Junhong’s hair is immediately being fixed by a stylist, and she scolds him while asking how his curls have gotten to this disheveled state. He laughs nervously.
Through their next schedules, Yongguk constantly checks the news on their group’s shared phone and comes up with nothing. He breathes a sigh of relief, with no clue on what was to come.
Weeks after the incident, it happens. Yongguk open his eyes to multiple headlines, all about the same story.
“Two Undisclosed Male Idols Revealed to be Gay” was the along the lines of the first few and Yongguk looked at Junhong with worried eyes as the six of them watched the news. Youngjae briefly contemplates who it is out loud, and Junhong’s hands wrap into fists.
“Rookie Group B.A.P Stained by Gay Controversy” was released days after, with Yongguk and Junhong’s name in large print in nearby articles. The company, managers, and the other members are speechless.
Multiple press conferences is what B.A.P’s lives come down to as their promotions come to a complete stand-still. Questions are asked to all of them but the answers are all vague and don’t give out much information, further throwing suspicion onto the story.
Junhong’s mother calls him in tears, throwing disappointment after disappointment onto the boy. Yongguk should have known this would have happened. He should have known it would never be this easy.
The other members are consoling and attempt to be supportive but the frustration and anger is evident in their voices. The six of them return to their homes for the time being, wanting to avoid any more press.
Yongguk and Junhong don’t see each other for weeks but they text daily and call each other once in a while. Their conversations are reassuring and hopeful, as are conversations with the other members. However, their texts begin to come less and less often and within a month, they don’t come at all.
The only one Yongguk remains in contact with is Junhong and they continue to remain optimistic, they would make it up to the rest of them and everything would be fine.
In the following week, they’re presented with one final solution. They’re told to hold a press conference by their company and deny everything. They’re to separate and not hold any romantic connections with each other. They’re to lie and state they’re not gay, nor in love.
To lie would hurt the both of them but in a text the night before, Yongguk says that it might be their only chance to save B.A.P. Junhong doesn’t reply but Yongguk thinks nothing of it when their manager calls him that night and says Junhong agreed to it as well.
Yongguk is more hopeful now. He’s hoping a new beginning will come soon and that he and Junhong can be with each other again, whether they’re together or not.
Junhong never makes it to the press conference. He swallows a whole bottle of pills before he sleeps and goes quietly. He leaves a note taped to the bottle, with a simple “sorry” scrawled out in red pen.
The news hits Yongguk hard. He finds out in the morning, when he receives a call from his manager saying that the press conference was canceled.
Junhong had done what he wanted and left but he left Yongguk behind.
The last text he had received from Junhong reassured him that everything would be okay.
Yongguk almost doesn’t attend Junhong’s funeral. He doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to accept this ending. The members are surprised to see him and Himchan can’t stop crying.
Yongguk can’t seem to form tears because he knows it won’t end like this. Junhong deserved a better song, even if it was with someone else.
As a few tears start to cloud his vision, Yongguk quietly says goodbye to Junhong by humming the first bars of the song he had started to write for the both of them.
Fourth Draft - February 14, 2008
Kwangyo says something with a smirk before turning to leave. Yongguk waves at him and says goodbye to him, watching him leave the room. The only ones left in the room are Yongguk and Maslo now.
“You leaving for Valentine’s too?” Maslo asks sarcastically, crumpling up a piece of paper that had possible lyrics. Yongguk shakes his head. “Don’t have anyone to spend it with.” He replies apathetically.
In one way, he’s glad he doesn’t have anyone. The last thing he wants to do is hurt someone else. He feels like he’s hurt someone before but the feeling is completely confusing because he hasn’t experienced something he’s already aware of.
“Are you crying?” Maslo asks with slight concern, slight because they were supposed to be working on their next song, not crying for no apparent reason.
Yongguk rubs at his eyes. “Ah, no. I was thinking about something sad.” He coughs.
Maslo throws a pen at his head. “Think about something to write about, I’m your date today.” He slides a piece of paper to Yongguk across the table.
Yongguk presses his pen to the paper but no ideas flow. “What do I write?” He scratches his head with his pen, not sure of anything. He didn’t have much experience to write something meaningful and realistic. “How do I write?”
“If you don’t know what and how to write then try to find a reason why.” Maslo explains, his fingers drum the surface of the table. “Even if it’s not something you know the most about, figure it out and experience it through words. Just try it out.”
A sudden surge of electricity rockets through Yongguk. He can suddenly picture it, some of the fluid motions his song would take. He can practically hear the melody running around his head, he just doesn’t know how to capture it yet.
Yongguk starts to scribble down a few lyrics. They don’t make sense and the story behind them are unfamiliar but he knows he’ll understand them soon enough.
He feels himself unwind, and he lets himself forget.
Fifth Final Draft - January 29, 2011
Yongguk is waiting for Jieun outside her dressing room. She said she needed to change and then they would have a meeting on her solo album’s concept. He had a few ideas in his mind but he didn’t know if he would use them, he didn’t want to seem like he was imposing.
Another door opens in the hallway and an unfamiliar man about Yongguk’s age steps out. A similar moment replays in Yongguk’s memory, almost like deja vu. Something feels different about this time though so out of pure curiosity, Yongguk speaks to him.
“Hey.”
The man stops, and although looking confused, greets back. “Hey.”
“Are you a trainee?” Yongguk asks, immediately regretting getting himself into this awkward situation.
“Yeah…” The other man says stiffly. “I’m supposed to be in the new boy group.”
Yongguk’s eyes light up. “So am I.” He says just as wooden. The aura coming off the man in front of him was giving Yongguk a strange discomfort. “I don’t want to work with you.” The sentence comes out unexpectedly, and he almost claps his hand over is mouth.
The other man looks surprised, but laughs despite the situation. “Well, I’ll have to change that then.” He sticks his hand out to Yongguk. “I’m Himchan. Kim Himchan.”
Yongguk takes it and feels a wave of a strong emotion course through him when he shakes it. It’s strange and there’s really no words to describe it but familiarly unfamiliar. “I’m Bang Yongguk.” He says and the conversation continues until Jieun comes out.
Yongguk sort of wishes she had been in there longer.
In the years to come, Yongguk rewrites his previous timelines. On the day of Jieun’s music video shoot, Yongguk doesn’t go to retrieve his hoodie or to see Jieun.
For reasons he still doesn’t understand, he feels regretful when he sees Jieun from time to time.
Yongguk’s friendship with Himchan starts earlier and by the time B.A.P debuts, the two are almost best friends.
Yongguk writes a song for no one in particular sometime in July. He’s praised for how realistic the emotion in the lyrics are.
Junhong asks Yongguk to help him practice and the latter agrees, but he only sees him once a week. The younger’s rapping excels to levels of which no one else ever expected.
A part of Yongguk believes he never needed his help.
And that leaves Yongguk and Himchan. Neither of them confesses to the other or acknowledge their relationship through words but the way they acted spoke for themselves.
Their friendship formed bonds that they never expected to create. It was mended and resown until each memory intertwined and their relationship was made. Yongguk’s still not sure when the two of them decided that they would be each other’s answer but he never really figured out what the question was in the first place.
Yongguk gets married to Himchan a few days after his 35th birthday. Their friendship’s existed for almost fifteen years and only a few are surprised when they announce their engagement.
Press and cameras are politely shut out during the ceremony and the reception. The gathering is small and quiet, with only the closest of friends and family invited.
The other four members are wearing sleek black suits with ridiculously bright pink bowties that Himchan had picked out himself. Yongguk and Himchan both wear white suits because the latter begged hard enough. These are later made fun of by Daehyun and Junhong, who trip over each other when Himchan chases after them.
Yongguk invites Maslo to the wedding but he declines last minute, saying his wife has gone into labour. Rilord shows up with his own family, a wife, a daughter, and two twin sons.
Yongguk treats Himchan as well as he can, because it’s what he deserves. He wants to make up for time he feels like he’s lost in the past.
A few months after the wedding, Yongguk decides to write a love song.
Not just a love song, but the love song. He’s written plenty of love songs in his life but this one would be the song of his career; the song of his life. The song for himself.
The song flows through him and finds its way to Yongguk’s hands. It comes from the back of his mind as easily as a vivid reverie-or four-and he completes it in the course of a month.
The first person to hear it is Himchan, and he thinks it’s about him.