Life After Truth Chapter 9
Title: Life After Truth, Chapter 9
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: None
Summary: Guess who's coming to dinner
Beta'd by: The amazing bob_fish
She was pretty as a picture. All dolled up in the traditional Xingese manner: hair piled high with all manner of accessories, high-collared dress that hugged her shape, complete with a fan she snapped open coyly and held in front of her face. She wound around the tables separating them like a serpent, and hesitated at his table, her fingers resting lightly on the back of the chair there.
“Seat taken?” she asked in broken Amestrian, her accent thick, and she batted her eyelashes and tilted her head to one side.
It was the most marvelous fraud imaginable, and the man there inclined his head and gestured with one hand.
“The honor is mine,” Otto Dunbar said.
She melted into it, sitting on one hip, elbow resting on its surface. She didn't lower the fan: instead she looked around the room once slowly. She rested her free hand on the table between them, and Otto, knowing the cues of this game even if he didn't play it, put a hand over hers casually and rubbed the back of it with his thumb. Her lashes lowered and she bowed her head closer to his and spoke in a whisper.
“All this padding is damned hot,” she said in a way she would not say it.
“You do this so well, it's almost like you were born to it; did you study the performing arts at all?” Otto inquired.
“It's a natural talent,” the not-so-she said, looking pleased and tapping the end of her not-so-her nose with her fan. “How sweet of you to say so, however.” And there was more eyelash batting.
“Well, credit where credit is due,” Otto said. “Overall, it's masterful. We can only hope that should anyone be taking note, they aren't aware of my usual preferences.”
“Someone is watching us,” the prince who would be princess whispered. “Kiss my hand.”
“Is there really?” But Otto did as he was bid, lifting Ling's hand by the fingers, brushing the back of it lightly with his lips. “I feel rather you just want to continue the illusion in the most convincing form possible. You know we are here for a reason?”
Ling signed, looking off to the side, playing the fan to its fullest.
Otto lowered his hand back to the table, sat back and signaled a waiter. When approached, Otto ordered a drink from them both and when the waiter retreated he leaned toward Ling, who in turn leaned toward him, dropping the fan below his chin.
“Tell me, were our lives so complicated before we met Edward?” Ling asked.
“I think they were, this is just a new configuration,” Otto said. “I'm still impressed with your abilities at subterfuge. How did you know I would be in this locale? I came here to try and get information on how to contact you in the first place.”
Ling grinned then, snapped his fan closed and tapped his chin with it.
“The Xingese are a very close knit community,” he said. “It was just a matter of time before Edward realized you would be the most perfect liaison; I just kept you watched. There are benefits to being a Prince.”
“I have to confess I'm not as informed as I might like to be in this matter,” Otto said, still rubbing the back of the prince's hand with his thumb. “I have the ambiguous feeling you're going to tell me the less I know the better off I am,” he concluded. When Ling didn't immediately respond, the older man sighed. “Well, no matter.” He reached into an inner jacket pocket and produced a letter; he started to offer it to Ling, but the prince snapped his fan up again and narrowed his eyes.
“It won't look legit if I'm too easy,” he hissed from behind the fan, then he put his nose in the air and half turned away from Otto.
“Beg pardon,” Otto began, but then he seemed to catch on. “I see this is an establishment with service unseen. Very well, I suppose I should make it look like an sincere effort is being undertaken to woo you.”
“Only make it look like? I assure you I'm quite the catch,” Ling snapped his fan opened and closed with the precision of a professional. “When I get up to walk away, give me a few heartbeats then get up to follow me. You can catch me, press up against my back, be all manner of forward; anything for the theater,” Ling assured him.
“I'll keep that in mind,” Otto said with a slight, if strained, smile.
**
He sat with his elbows on the desk, the heels of his hands over his eyes. He had not moved for a good fifteen minutes. Ed didn't want to keep looking in on him; but he couldn't help it. Apparently, Roy was not oblivious.
“Yes, Edward?” He sounded tired, but patient, almost resigned.
“I'm just ... wondering what you're doing is all,” Ed said, feeling caught out and a bit defensive even if he shouldn't.
“You're hovering.”
“I'm not! Maybe a little, cut me some slack; you're being worrisome, so don't blame me.”
Roy lifted his head then. The skin around his eyes was red from where he'd been pressing his hands over, them and he looked at Ed and Ed knew it was Roy looking at him from his eyes - or well at least his eye - he'd learned to tell.
“I have a hypothetical scenario,” Roy said, pinning Ed with a look. “What if someone told you that for reasons known best to themself they thought they might be having some ... issues with reality?”
“Issues with reality in what regard?” Ed said, forcing himself to be casual, leaning against the door jamb in an attempt to force casual on his physical self, too.
“Let's say this person heretofore has always been a steadfast example of certainty. Say things like ... the paranormal would never even have come close to his speculative processes. Say this person is a person of directness in all things; but, of late, has had some inexplicable circumstances that they can't explain away easily.” Roy waved his hand dismissively, like this couldn't possibly pertain to himself.
Ed's stomach clenched into a single hard knot.
“For starters ,I'd say he was a complete dick for being so narrow-minded,” Ed managed to get out. “Any person, even one of a, uh, nature like the one you're describing, which I guess is a sensible nature? Or someone with a pole up their ass, being all stiff back and the like, needs to have an open mind; otherwise you're stagnant and you're not contributing properly to society.” Ed noted the scowl but ignored it. “Not to say I'm a proponent of paranormal ... wait a minute, I can't say that, can I? I mean, if I am then that is like denying most of my existence isn't it? What do we call all of that I went through back in the day? What was that? That was paranormal, wasn't it? That fits the bill, right?”
“But you're not seeing things that aren't there, jumping at shadows, having all the strange impulses and memories you're not even sure are yours,” Roy snapped.
“Are you?” Ed said quietly. Here was his chance, here was the opening, here is where maybe, just maybe he could talk to Roy. Find out what was bothering Roy, somehow fix Roy. He wanted to say 'Tell me now! Do it quick before that other you, that you who isn't you, catches on and stops you!' But how could he say that without sounding insane? How could he say that and make Roy instantly know what he was talking about, make Roy cooperate, make Roy know something wasn't right with Roy?
Roy's mouth drew to a tight line as if he was going to say something he didn't like; as if he was going to confirm this here and now and then, finally, then they could figure this out and do away with it. But Roy was Roy and Roy liked to shield Ed from anything stressful, especially if Roy was the perpetrator of that stress, despite all the times that Ed had raged against it.
“It's a hypothetical,” Roy said, like even he didn't believe it.
“So, hypothetically, are you?” Ed said, Ed tried again, Ed begged in not so many words.
And Roy looked away from him; Roy never looked away from him while they were having an discussion, an argument, an agreement. Roy loved him, trusted him and wanted Ed to do the same always; he always showed Edward what was in his heart by what he held in his eyes. Even if words didn't make sense, or didn't come, it was always there for Ed to see; Ed knew that. It broke him from his lean on the door jamb, it moved him across the room to Roy's side and Roy turned his head, to look at him, but not his face and Ed tried to will him to say, to confess, to realize.
“This is a stupid discussion,” Roy said quietly. “I don't know what possessed me to even bring up the topic.”
And Ed dropped to his knees, right there beside the chair, reaching up to grab the arm of the chair and Roy's eyes widened in surprise.
“It's not stupid, I promise you it's not stupid, just tell me. Just tell me, it's me, just tell me,” Ed pleaded. “It will be ok, just tell me. I can make it right, I'll make it right ...”
“Oncoming insanity is not easy to admit,” Roy said weakly, gave an even weaker smile, tried to make it light, make it nothing, make it a joke. “It's probably lack of sleep; all the strange things going on at the office. It's just exhaustion,” Roy said, voice gaining more control, convincing himself, at least, that's all it was, all it could be.
Ed put a hand on his arm, squeezed it lightly. What should he say? What should he risk? How much of Roy was in control, and did the other thing ever sleep? It must: here was as much of an admission that Ed was going to get from Roy.
“I know,” Ed said, looking at him hard, willing him to understand because he had to be careful of his words, he didn't want to wake it up. “I can tell. You've been not yourself lately.” his eyes searched Roy's face, looking for understanding, looking for dawning realization, “And I think I know why,” and Ed looked at Roy's eyes, most particularly his left eye. “Listen to me, don't interrupt, don't try to interpret or second guess me or say anything about this right now. Something is in there, something that was put there and I know how it was put there but not why. But I can find out, I can get it out and I'm going to get it out, just trust me. Just believe me. Just know this, keep this inside and don't think about it, don't dwell on it, just keep it there where you can get at it when I need you to, okay?” Ed kept his eyes on Roy's face the entire time. And Roy looked confused, he looked like he might interrupt, but he didn't. He just returned Ed's steady gaze and they sat there motionless and silent for long, long moments.
“Now we're both properly insane,” Roy mumbled, and Ed let go of a breath and hung his head. Then Roy covered Ed's hand on his arm and squeezed.
“But seeing as I have rank, power and more or less a hostage, neither of us are going to mention it outside this room again, are we?”
Ed's head snapped up and he looked at Roy. Only it wasn't Roy and now, and now it knew that he knew, too.
“Don't look so, you can still have it all Edward. I know all about once having it all myself. And I want you, don't think for a moment I don't. I can make it all right and wonderful, I can keep it just the way it is and no one will ever suspect a thing. You can still have your General and I can still have my country and I will still have him, in a manner, through you. Really, he never realized how much I cared for him; but that will all change now.” And then it reached out with Roy's hand and pushed Ed's bangs back, it leaned in close with Roy's face like it might try to kiss him, and he jerked back, but it still held his hand with Roy's hand.
“Why all the fuss? It's still his body, he's just sharing,” it cooed in Roy's voice.
“Ling was right, it's a woman,” Ed said, speaking out loud even if he was speaking to himself.
“Can a spirit still possess a gender? I suppose it can,” Roy mused. “I was so caught up in the miasma of energies inside the gate I quite forgot about it; but now that you mention it, it's all rushing back. Now, let's talk terms. For your absolute obedience he gets to live, you get to live and I get to live. It's equivalent, I think, seeing as how I was so rudely robbed and dispatched. To be honest, though I had expected you'd figured it out, you had me worried for a bit. I was counting on your vaunted intelligence and was despairing I would have to keep this charade up for untold years. I'm actually happy to have it out in the open where we can work on being one big, happy family. I've always loved the idea of a big, happy family.”
He was numb, from head to toe. He knew how Roy felt, he knew now how the duality robbed him of his equilibrium, just as the impossibility of this situation was robbing Ed of his own.
“It's not equivalent, he had nothing to do with it, not directly, he got pulled into it,” Ed snapped. “That's not equivalence. What should have been equivalent was me, I was there, too! Why him, why not me?!”
“Are you jealous?” Roy-not-Roy smirked. “Frankly, you don't have the stature in either position or body to have been worth the trouble. You don't think I would have bargained so mightily to merely settle for a teaching position? Do you know what sustained me? Do you? You might think it was revenge; but that's a petty and unsatisfying way to spend an eternity as an insubstantial nothing. No, what held me together, what's always held me together? Ambition. He and I are more alike than perhaps you'd like us to be. Really, I'm not going to be that much of an intrusion to your sensibilities. I'm just your type. I was just his type, too, back then.”
Ed knew she didn't mean Roy.
“As long as we have the understanding that you will do as I say and I won't destroy him from within, everything will be fine,” and Roy-not-Roy patted his hand and released it and Ed rocked back and then got to his feet.
“We have an understanding,” Ed said quietly.
“Good,” Roy-not-Roy said. “I'll give you a little reward for being so cooperative. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”
And Ed watched. He saw the change in Roy's face, in Roy's eyes and it was Roy again. And Roy was looking confused and a little lost, but when he looked at Ed, his eyes were concerned.
“Ed,” he said, “Are you all right? You look like you've seen a ghost.”
**
It was all he could do to focus, to answer any questions, to participate in his life such as it was at the moment. All he could really do was think back to this morning.
He was joined in the bathroom, as he usually was. There was Roy's body, getting ready for work, in his shirt sleeves and uniform pants. He was in the final touch ups.
“I'm sure you have a lot of questions,” Roy said, and smiled at Ed's reflection in the mirror. “Please don't think you can't confide in me, Edward. You forget he's in here with me and he's just a font of information, especially on the topic of you.”
And Roy's body primped as it always did, fiddling with his bangs, just the right amount of cologne, checking his teeth.
“I can say I'm very pleased with this physical form, he takes excellent care of himself. Such attention to detail, a great deal of it for your benefit,” and Roy-not-Roy smiled at himself in the mirror.
“Please just stop, just stop talking to me like we have anything other than an understanding,” Ed grate out. “Please stop trying to make this comfortable. I want your ground rules. I want to know my limits. I'm assuming there will be no discussion with anyone, and I'm fine with that. I don't want anyone else in harm's way.”
“All that is a given. Oh, and deliver to me the Xingese prince,” Roy said with a smile.
“I can't, I don't know where he is,” Ed said, thankful that he really didn't.
Roy-not-Roy looked at him, and Ed met his eyes, and after a moment Roy-not-Roy tutted and sighed. “All right, very well, I believe you. I know that your brother already knows, keep him out of my way and keep his mouth shut and he and his lovely wife will be fine.”
Ed nodded. He busied himself with getting ready for work as well.
“This is going to be fine,” Roy-not-Roy soothed. “You'll see, it will all work out for the best.”
“Let me find you another body. Let me make you one,” Ed said, staring into the sink. “I'll risk it, I know the dangers, but let me try.”
“But this one is so perfect, I don't mind the gender,” Roy-not-Roy said, smoothing his shirt front.
“Let me try, you have to give me some hope I can get him back,” Ed continued. “You'll find me much more pliant if I'm occupied.”
“I find that the risk of losing you weighs very heavily; not entirely of my own volition,” Roy-not-Roy tapped his temple. “He can hear this and register it on the most base level you know, even if he doesn't realize what's going on.”
“You're all kinds of a fucking monster,” Ed said hoarsely.
“Oh, so rude. You're forgiven this time, now come along, we'll be late.” And with that, Roy-not-Roy left the bathroom and proceeded to finish his morning routine in time for coffee, while Ed tried not to throw up into the bathroom sink.
The ride to work was silent. Roy-not-Roy dropped him off at his usual spot and he got out without a word, or a kiss, or a promise of seeing Roy that evening: nothing. There had never been nothing before, and he felt empty and alone as he entered the building full of people. The rest of the day was like a puppet show: he spoke the lines he knew he had to speak and after class, he holed up in his office with the door locked and pretended he wasn't there. And he didn't want to be there; he didn't want to be anywhere. He didn't want to be in this life where there was no Roy, where there was nothing. He didn't want to make the walk over to HQ and play in this charade. But he had to, because what else did he have? If he didn't have Roy, then he had nothing.
So he made the walk, eyes down, avoiding all around him that was once something, but at the moment was part of this nothing. He entered the office slowly and when Roy looked up at him and smiled, he knew in that moment there was something. It was Roy-Roy - and he looked glad to see Ed. Ed came in, felt himself smiling back; because it was Roy, it was his something. He glanced at the big table and Havoc was there, and Havoc was watching him very closely, and Ed knew he had to avoid that. He knew that Havoc knew something, they all knew something, how could they not? Roy had honed them into a unit that could move and think as one, even if he wasn't at the head. Ed sat pointedly on the couch with his back to Havoc and hoped Havoc took the hint.
“Well, hello there, Professor,” Roy said from behind his desk. “It's good to see you. I will try not to make you wait long. What should we have for dinner?”
And it made Ed ache, to his bones, for Roy to be there and be with him, knowing that there inside his Roy, his beautiful general, something else lurked and he knew it and he almost wished he didn't. He almost wished feverishly that he didn't. But then what would that be? A lie? An abandonment? He gave himself a little shake.
“I'm partial to anything, you know,” he said with a shrug, “so whatever works for you.”
“Well ,Havoc works for me, but I doubt he's palatable,” the general said, looking down at his paperwork again. On some strange idle level of his mind Ed noted that Roy-not-Roy seemed to dislike the paperwork as much as Roy-Roy, for he never found Roy-not-Roy doing it. Funny how even the mundane things attached to the man he loved more than life had a weird significance.
“Glad to hear it,” Havoc said from across the room, but Ed could feel Havoc's eyes on the back of his head. How could he do this? How could he hide this? Should he hide this? Should they know? Should they have the knowledge to defend themselves? He reached up to rub his face, and caught Roy looking at him.
“Tired?” Roy asked.
“Yeah,” Ed replied honestly. Tired, so tired that he just wanted to lay down and close his eyes and wait for this to go away.
“Well,” Roy said, picking up the stack of papers he had in front of him, tapping them to neaten them then putting them in his out box, “allow me to take you home where you can have dinner, a nice soak and an early night if you so desire. There was that program on the radio we always listen to, but that can wait as well.”
Ed nodded and stood, feeling like lead. He waited for Roy to get his things.
“Evening, Colonel,” Roy said to Havoc as he headed out.
“Evening, General, Professor,” Havoc said behind them as Ed turned to follow him.
“Night, Havoc,” Ed said, gave the man a half wave without looking at him and hurried after the general as he went down the hall.
The ride home was nothing like the ride into work that morning. Roy was full of news and gossip and he shared it, like he always did. He asked after Ed's day, Ed's students, what Ed had for lunch, what Ed thought they might do this weekend.
It was all so painfully normal.
“You must really be tired,” Roy said as they turned onto their street. “It's not like you to be so quiet all the way home. You're not coming down with something, are you?” Roy reached over to touch him and Ed stiffened in reaction then tried so hard to take it back, but he was sure Roy noticed because Roy's hand stopped before making contact and hovered before it withdrew. Before he could say anything to make it right, they were pulling into the driveway and Roy was shutting off the car and opening his door. Ed got out and plodded up the walk after him to be let into the house.
R.D. hovered at the end of the hallway, then approached Roy cautiously, wagging his stump of a tail and sniffed at a boot. Roy tutted to the little dog, reached down to pet him and R.D. accepted it for a moment before darting to Ed with more enthusiasm. Ed knew how the little dog felt, knew the little dog had known long before the rest of them. Hescooped him up to carry him down to the bedroom, giving him scratches and coos to reassure him. Roy just watched after them, looking unreadable.
Ed was alone in the bedroom for a few moments. He set R.D. on his feet and decided to get into his house clothes for the rest of the evening. He was just taking off his shirt when Roy walked in. Once again he stopped, he hesitated, and he watched Roy, and Roy looked back at him with an expression that tore at Ed's heart.
Roy tried to make light of it.
“It's too late now, I've seen all the good bits,” he joked, but it didn't reach his eyes and he turned away almost as he said it.
Ed had to find a way to separate the two; he had to do it, there was no other way. He shucked the shirt off, dropped it and in a few steps he was against Roy's back, his arms around Roy's waist. Roy's hand moved to one of Ed's arms, and rubbed it as he was held.
It struck Ed that Roy wasn't questioning his behavior; Roy wasn't demanding answers about this sudden withdrawal, and then he knew. What she had said, that on the base level Roy knew everything that was going on. He sensed why Ed was rejecting him even if he didn't know it logically and he wasn't questioning it, because Roy knew. He just didn't know that he knew.
And Ed ... Ed had to find a way to use that.
Dinner was sandwiches, all made by Roy because Roy was the designated feeder of Ed, and they sat together on the couch with the radio on after. The silence was getting smothering. Ed scooted over until he was against Roy's side and Roy put his arm around him. Ed looked up and Roy looked down and smiled.
“I want tonight, just you and me,” Ed said.
Roy looked confused. “Was someone coming over?”
Ed just kept his gaze and said again, firmly. “Just you and me.”
And after a moment, Roy nodded slowly and Ed reached up to wrap his arm around Roy's neck, pull him down and kiss him, and then pulled him all the way down until he was lying on the couch with Roy mostly on top of him.
“I thought you were tired,” Roy murmured between kisses. Long, slow kisses that neither wanted to break even to breathe.
“I'm in love,” Ed murmured back. “That means that no matter what, I want to be with you.”
“That makes me the luckiest man on the planet,” Roy answered back, then he wrapped his arms under Ed, sat Ed up, pulled Ed to straddle his lap, and Ed got his hands into that soft, thick black hair and he dragged his fingers through it as he kissed Roy and kissed Roy and never wanted to let Roy go again. It didn't matter, it just didn't matter that there was someone else, because there was Roy, and that's what Ed needed. It was true, he was in love, no matter what he wanted to be with Roy. And he had a plan. A plan that might make Roy think he was insane but a plan nonetheless. A plan to make Roy understand what was happening: what they were against, what they had to fight.
And that plan was: he would talk. He would talk to Roy even if Roy didn't realize what he was telling him because on some level Roy would realize, when it was important. Roy was brilliant and strong and even if Ed had nothing else, he had faith, all placed in Roy. It had been for a long time. He wasn't going to give it up now. And he had another part of his plan: and that was learning all about chi, because he was sure in some way that the Xingese had a way with souls. And souls were energy, and energy he understood. So, he had to find Ling and he had to hope that Ling, despite being Ling, would know what to do. This all became a distracted jumble when Roy slid his hands into the back of Ed's loose house pants.
“We haven't fucked on the couch in a long time,” Ed said against Roy's lips.
Roy sucked at his bottom lip and answered, “No, we haven't.” And Roy sounded all breathless and a little excited and Ed arched forward to press himself to Roy's belly. Roy's hands were on his bare ass now and they were kneading, rubbing. He trailed a finger into the cleft, he brushed at Ed's anus and Ed's cock responded with a twitch and he had to rub it there, hard against the flat of Roy's stomach. Ed bunched his hands into the shoulders of Roy's shirt, pulled on it as he tried to capture Roy's tongue with his teeth.
“Can I have your shirt?” Ed asked after the second failed attempt One little too hard of a nip a long time ago and Roy was still teeth shy; it was really uncalled for, but then again Ed was teeth shy, too.
“Of course you can,” Roy said with that husky timbre that made Ed's toes curl. So Roy's shirt came off and Ed threw it over the back of the couch for Roy to pick up fussily later. In return, Roy started to work Ed's pants down, doing it somehow with his wrists as his hands were still firmly on Ed's ass. Roy was a man with magical get Ed naked abilities: it was a wonder. And Ed got to put his hands all over Roy's bare chest now and then settle his thumbs over Roy's nipples to rub in slow circular motions. This made Roy thrust his chest out and Ed responded in a macho manner even though no one was touching his chest. If there was chest thrusting going on, Ed always had to join in.
“I hope there is lube in the end table, you dirty old man,” Ed panted against Roy's lips. “But you always camouflage it and I can never figure it out.”
“It's that big, old, silver fountain pen,” Roy panted back. “I hollowed it out a while ago and rigged the trigger mechanism in the cap, really, it's brilliant.”
“If only your powers could be used for good,” Ed groaned back.
“Only the good of making you scream,” Roy said, going to the side of Ed's neck and Ed moaned and thrust into Roy's stomach: hard now, diamond.
Ed made a lean and a grab at the side table, yanking the drawer out dramatically and spilling most of it's contents on the floor and as usual Roy made a lust-filled tutting sound. Roy still had a thing for being neat even in the mist of heated passion and Ed would never get his head around that. But as miracle would have it, the pen was still in the drawer when Ed dropped it down beside them on the couch and after a grab or two, he got the pen and then put it between his teeth to clench, because Roy was no longer just fingering his anus, he was pressing and Ed had to place his hands on Roy's shoulders and lift and lower a little to that. Roy seemed to be watching this, amazed.
“One day we might have to try giving you a bit, that's extremely erotic,” Roy panted, “your jaw all clenched up like that.”
Ed spit the pen out. It landed between them and he scowled and snorted even as he lifted and lowered himself.
“I don't think so, Mr. Pervert,” he growled, then he moaned. “Maybe, I don't know, quit confusing one depraved sex act for another,” and he squeezed Roy's shoulders a bit and Roy ducked down his left shoulder and made that face he made when Ed's automail was involved, but to his credit he didn't whine this time. Ed had told him whining was unsexy.
“I have to heroically move one of my hands from your ass,” Roy panted. “My bravery in these situations is exceptional and I really think you should think about the bit as a reward for all the sacrifices I make to keep you satisfied.”
“You're talking,” Ed panted, “what have we talked about in the past about talking during sex? It was an unnecessary complication and it was completely unfair because while you are made of talk, I am made of action. We discussed this in length the last time you got chatty while fingering my ass, and you even agreed that it was excessive chit-chat, and now you're doing it again and it's a very bad habit,” and Ed wished his voice didn't get so high in times like these.
“If I don't talk while having sex then I have to save it up for after sex and you fall asleep.” Now Roy was whining. “I have to get in the good highlights while we're engaged and make you make promises you'd never make otherwise!”
“AHHA I KNEW IT,” Ed yelled. “That's how I ended up with the maid uniform, it's all a trap, it's always been a trap! Use the lube already and do something and trap me some more!”
Roy jerked one hand off Ed's ass, fumbled for the pen, then he had to pause and demonstrate the pen to Ed so Ed would be impressed, but Ed tried to bite one of his fingers off,. “Fine,” Roy said, “I'll just make a mental note to get you to congratulate me on my genius later. You really get mean when you're horny.” Roy placed the pen back in the drawer once it's usefulness was over and Ed made that cute little high whine through his nose when Roy's hand returned to its previous location. Now there was pressing and penetrating and Ed slammed hard into his stomach, then sat hard on his hand, trapping it against his legs.
“I can't move like this and my fingers are all cramped,” Roy said.
“Shut up,” Ed growled. “I've had it with the yapping, now it's the doing.” And doing was what Ed did, he began to move himself, up and down and back and forth and Roy made interesting faces, but didn't mention his hand again, probably for fear Ed would pick on him some more. But it was clear this wasn't enough, and Ed shoved Roy hard against the couch by his shoulders and got right in his face.
“Okay, here is what we are going to do,” Ed hissed and Roy nodded with eyebrows raised, looking as if he was nervous for his jugular vein. “I'm going to lift up some and you work that fucking magic you have and get my pants off, or at least one leg,” Ed instructed with a hissing growl, “then, when that's done, you get your cock out and you hold it steady and I am going to sit on it and you are not going to make it difficult or try to draw it out or any other of your bullshit foreplay that I love,” Ed snarled. “Have you got that, soldier?”
“Yessir,” Roy mumbled, looking impressed and intimidated. “Just let me shift my arm a little, then you sit up and pull up your right leg...sir.”
“That's what I'm talking about,” and Ed did as instructed and through Roy's magical talents he was able to free his right leg from his pants and boxers and Roy did it as if it was nothing and not once did he remove his hands from Ed's ass. It was a sex on the couch night miracle.
“How did you do that?” Ed panted. “You need to teach me ...”
“I thought this was do and no more yapping,” Roy barked, apparently deciding he outranked Ed and seeing if he could get away with outranking Ed. Ed looked startled, then closed his mouth and looked at Roy for further instructions.
“Now I'm going to lift up a bit and you are going to push my pants down in front and free my cock and you can take your time holding it or rubbing it if you want,” Roy instructed. “Then you mister, not me, are going to hold it steady and sit on it while I guide you with my well-placed hands. I don't want to move them, you got that?”
Ed grinned. “Yessir,” he said. He looked at Roy expectantly, so Roy raised his ass a little from the couch and Ed quickly worked his pants down just enough to get his cock free and Ed gripped it tightly and they both looked at each other and grinned.
“Military precision,” Roy gasped.
“No, you're just a talented pervert,” Ed returned.
“Either works,” Roy confirmed, then he eased his fingers out of Ed's ass and lifted him a bit. Ed had one hand on Roy's shoulder and one hand on Roy's cock, and he was looking down between them as if trying to gauge aim and Roy tutted.
“Just start sitting, it will be easier, you can use my hands as a guide,” Roy said.
“Look, you worry about your part, I'll worry about mine,” Ed snorted. “You got to play boss, so shut up and let me work this out.”
“I slicked you up from back to front,” Roy stressed, “it should just slide right into place.”
“Quit being a toppy bottom,” Ed growled, “even if you're the one going in on the mission, you're on the bottom. I can do this, haven't we done this before?”
“Yes and I remember being bent in ways I'm not supposed to bend,” Roy said. “That hurt; maybe I should be lining you up.”
“What is it about you and a little pain? You're such a girl sometimes. I made it better, didn't I? Hold still.” And Ed started to lower himself.
“You're too far to the right,” Roy offered and then hissed when Ed jerked his cock. “There is no way that was accidental,” Roy complained.
“Maybe I should just pull it off and put it back when I get finished,” Ed threatened. Then he sat and it was a little too far to the right, and Roy yelped and Ed lifted back up quickly. “It's your fault for distracting me!”
“Let me do this,” and Roy removed one hand from Ed's ass and made to grab his own cock, but Ed still had a hold of it and they glared at each other for a long moment. “Give me my cock,” Roy ordered.
“No,” Ed said, “during sex it's my cock, we agreed. In fact all parts of you are mine, I have it on a napkin somewhere, I kept that, you know, it's like a deed!”
“No court would hold me to a half -runken scribble on a napkin,” Roy argued, “although knowing you kept it is endearing and sways me in your favor.”
Ed started to sit again, and Roy made a noise and shifted a bit to the right, and Ed let him, and then they paused as the head of Roy's cock pressed at the opening of Ed's anus.
“Victory is ours,” Roy said, his voice dropping and his hand returning to Ed's ass.
“Victory is ours,” Ed agreed and leaned in to close his mouth over Roy's as he pressed down until he was seated in Roy's lap.
Roy made a noise into Ed's mouth, his fingers dug into Ed's butt cheeks and Ed moved, lifted himself, thrust himself forward to rub his erection on Roy's stomach and then lowered himself, letting Roy fill him again. This was why life was worth living. He ran his hands back into Roy's hair, dug in and hung on and Roy shuddered against him, beneath him, inside him and Ed could only move again. And that is how it went, with varying increases of speed and breathless sounds. Roy finally pulled his hand away from Ed's ass again only to claim Ed's cock and it was Ed's turn to shudder from head to toe; to try to pull Roy's hair out, to make an amused sound into Roy's mouth as he whined, to love this man, live this man, being one with this man as much as he could. His whole life spent in this man's embrace was more than he deserved and the only thing he ever wanted. When the climax came, Roy pressed them tightly together, cried out with Ed and held him as they both trembled. And Ed, in the rare position of being as tall as Roy, pulled Roy's head to his shoulder, held him there and Roy pressed his face against the side of Ed's neck.
“You never had this,” Ed said, his voice just above a whisper. “This isn't how it was for you, and I'm sorry, but you're not going to take it away from me.”
“What are you talking about?” Roy murmured against his neck.
“Life and how to live it, hush, just let me talk,” Ed said. “You don't have any idea of the fight you have on your hands.”
“Was the sex so good that you're addled?” Roy said, sounding amused. “I love this position.”
“He belongs to me and I take care of what is mine,” Ed continued. He felt Roy run a hand up his back and just rub him.
“He's mine, no matter what,” Ed finished, then pulled back, looked into Roy's sleepy eyes. “I think you forgot what it was like after so long. Maybe you became less than human, no matter what you wore; but he will never be, he will always be this and we will always have this. No matter what.”
Roy didn't question him, only looked at him and Ed stroked his face, ran a thumb over Roy's bottom lip. They just kept looking at each other for long moments.
“Let's sleep here,” Roy finally offered. “Or can you carry me to bed? I'll pay you.”
Ed just grinned and tipped their foreheads together.
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: None
Summary: Guess who's coming to dinner
Beta'd by: The amazing bob_fish
She was pretty as a picture. All dolled up in the traditional Xingese manner: hair piled high with all manner of accessories, high-collared dress that hugged her shape, complete with a fan she snapped open coyly and held in front of her face. She wound around the tables separating them like a serpent, and hesitated at his table, her fingers resting lightly on the back of the chair there.
“Seat taken?” she asked in broken Amestrian, her accent thick, and she batted her eyelashes and tilted her head to one side.
It was the most marvelous fraud imaginable, and the man there inclined his head and gestured with one hand.
“The honor is mine,” Otto Dunbar said.
She melted into it, sitting on one hip, elbow resting on its surface. She didn't lower the fan: instead she looked around the room once slowly. She rested her free hand on the table between them, and Otto, knowing the cues of this game even if he didn't play it, put a hand over hers casually and rubbed the back of it with his thumb. Her lashes lowered and she bowed her head closer to his and spoke in a whisper.
“All this padding is damned hot,” she said in a way she would not say it.
“You do this so well, it's almost like you were born to it; did you study the performing arts at all?” Otto inquired.
“It's a natural talent,” the not-so-she said, looking pleased and tapping the end of her not-so-her nose with her fan. “How sweet of you to say so, however.” And there was more eyelash batting.
“Well, credit where credit is due,” Otto said. “Overall, it's masterful. We can only hope that should anyone be taking note, they aren't aware of my usual preferences.”
“Someone is watching us,” the prince who would be princess whispered. “Kiss my hand.”
“Is there really?” But Otto did as he was bid, lifting Ling's hand by the fingers, brushing the back of it lightly with his lips. “I feel rather you just want to continue the illusion in the most convincing form possible. You know we are here for a reason?”
Ling signed, looking off to the side, playing the fan to its fullest.
Otto lowered his hand back to the table, sat back and signaled a waiter. When approached, Otto ordered a drink from them both and when the waiter retreated he leaned toward Ling, who in turn leaned toward him, dropping the fan below his chin.
“Tell me, were our lives so complicated before we met Edward?” Ling asked.
“I think they were, this is just a new configuration,” Otto said. “I'm still impressed with your abilities at subterfuge. How did you know I would be in this locale? I came here to try and get information on how to contact you in the first place.”
Ling grinned then, snapped his fan closed and tapped his chin with it.
“The Xingese are a very close knit community,” he said. “It was just a matter of time before Edward realized you would be the most perfect liaison; I just kept you watched. There are benefits to being a Prince.”
“I have to confess I'm not as informed as I might like to be in this matter,” Otto said, still rubbing the back of the prince's hand with his thumb. “I have the ambiguous feeling you're going to tell me the less I know the better off I am,” he concluded. When Ling didn't immediately respond, the older man sighed. “Well, no matter.” He reached into an inner jacket pocket and produced a letter; he started to offer it to Ling, but the prince snapped his fan up again and narrowed his eyes.
“It won't look legit if I'm too easy,” he hissed from behind the fan, then he put his nose in the air and half turned away from Otto.
“Beg pardon,” Otto began, but then he seemed to catch on. “I see this is an establishment with service unseen. Very well, I suppose I should make it look like an sincere effort is being undertaken to woo you.”
“Only make it look like? I assure you I'm quite the catch,” Ling snapped his fan opened and closed with the precision of a professional. “When I get up to walk away, give me a few heartbeats then get up to follow me. You can catch me, press up against my back, be all manner of forward; anything for the theater,” Ling assured him.
“I'll keep that in mind,” Otto said with a slight, if strained, smile.
**
He sat with his elbows on the desk, the heels of his hands over his eyes. He had not moved for a good fifteen minutes. Ed didn't want to keep looking in on him; but he couldn't help it. Apparently, Roy was not oblivious.
“Yes, Edward?” He sounded tired, but patient, almost resigned.
“I'm just ... wondering what you're doing is all,” Ed said, feeling caught out and a bit defensive even if he shouldn't.
“You're hovering.”
“I'm not! Maybe a little, cut me some slack; you're being worrisome, so don't blame me.”
Roy lifted his head then. The skin around his eyes was red from where he'd been pressing his hands over, them and he looked at Ed and Ed knew it was Roy looking at him from his eyes - or well at least his eye - he'd learned to tell.
“I have a hypothetical scenario,” Roy said, pinning Ed with a look. “What if someone told you that for reasons known best to themself they thought they might be having some ... issues with reality?”
“Issues with reality in what regard?” Ed said, forcing himself to be casual, leaning against the door jamb in an attempt to force casual on his physical self, too.
“Let's say this person heretofore has always been a steadfast example of certainty. Say things like ... the paranormal would never even have come close to his speculative processes. Say this person is a person of directness in all things; but, of late, has had some inexplicable circumstances that they can't explain away easily.” Roy waved his hand dismissively, like this couldn't possibly pertain to himself.
Ed's stomach clenched into a single hard knot.
“For starters ,I'd say he was a complete dick for being so narrow-minded,” Ed managed to get out. “Any person, even one of a, uh, nature like the one you're describing, which I guess is a sensible nature? Or someone with a pole up their ass, being all stiff back and the like, needs to have an open mind; otherwise you're stagnant and you're not contributing properly to society.” Ed noted the scowl but ignored it. “Not to say I'm a proponent of paranormal ... wait a minute, I can't say that, can I? I mean, if I am then that is like denying most of my existence isn't it? What do we call all of that I went through back in the day? What was that? That was paranormal, wasn't it? That fits the bill, right?”
“But you're not seeing things that aren't there, jumping at shadows, having all the strange impulses and memories you're not even sure are yours,” Roy snapped.
“Are you?” Ed said quietly. Here was his chance, here was the opening, here is where maybe, just maybe he could talk to Roy. Find out what was bothering Roy, somehow fix Roy. He wanted to say 'Tell me now! Do it quick before that other you, that you who isn't you, catches on and stops you!' But how could he say that without sounding insane? How could he say that and make Roy instantly know what he was talking about, make Roy cooperate, make Roy know something wasn't right with Roy?
Roy's mouth drew to a tight line as if he was going to say something he didn't like; as if he was going to confirm this here and now and then, finally, then they could figure this out and do away with it. But Roy was Roy and Roy liked to shield Ed from anything stressful, especially if Roy was the perpetrator of that stress, despite all the times that Ed had raged against it.
“It's a hypothetical,” Roy said, like even he didn't believe it.
“So, hypothetically, are you?” Ed said, Ed tried again, Ed begged in not so many words.
And Roy looked away from him; Roy never looked away from him while they were having an discussion, an argument, an agreement. Roy loved him, trusted him and wanted Ed to do the same always; he always showed Edward what was in his heart by what he held in his eyes. Even if words didn't make sense, or didn't come, it was always there for Ed to see; Ed knew that. It broke him from his lean on the door jamb, it moved him across the room to Roy's side and Roy turned his head, to look at him, but not his face and Ed tried to will him to say, to confess, to realize.
“This is a stupid discussion,” Roy said quietly. “I don't know what possessed me to even bring up the topic.”
And Ed dropped to his knees, right there beside the chair, reaching up to grab the arm of the chair and Roy's eyes widened in surprise.
“It's not stupid, I promise you it's not stupid, just tell me. Just tell me, it's me, just tell me,” Ed pleaded. “It will be ok, just tell me. I can make it right, I'll make it right ...”
“Oncoming insanity is not easy to admit,” Roy said weakly, gave an even weaker smile, tried to make it light, make it nothing, make it a joke. “It's probably lack of sleep; all the strange things going on at the office. It's just exhaustion,” Roy said, voice gaining more control, convincing himself, at least, that's all it was, all it could be.
Ed put a hand on his arm, squeezed it lightly. What should he say? What should he risk? How much of Roy was in control, and did the other thing ever sleep? It must: here was as much of an admission that Ed was going to get from Roy.
“I know,” Ed said, looking at him hard, willing him to understand because he had to be careful of his words, he didn't want to wake it up. “I can tell. You've been not yourself lately.” his eyes searched Roy's face, looking for understanding, looking for dawning realization, “And I think I know why,” and Ed looked at Roy's eyes, most particularly his left eye. “Listen to me, don't interrupt, don't try to interpret or second guess me or say anything about this right now. Something is in there, something that was put there and I know how it was put there but not why. But I can find out, I can get it out and I'm going to get it out, just trust me. Just believe me. Just know this, keep this inside and don't think about it, don't dwell on it, just keep it there where you can get at it when I need you to, okay?” Ed kept his eyes on Roy's face the entire time. And Roy looked confused, he looked like he might interrupt, but he didn't. He just returned Ed's steady gaze and they sat there motionless and silent for long, long moments.
“Now we're both properly insane,” Roy mumbled, and Ed let go of a breath and hung his head. Then Roy covered Ed's hand on his arm and squeezed.
“But seeing as I have rank, power and more or less a hostage, neither of us are going to mention it outside this room again, are we?”
Ed's head snapped up and he looked at Roy. Only it wasn't Roy and now, and now it knew that he knew, too.
“Don't look so, you can still have it all Edward. I know all about once having it all myself. And I want you, don't think for a moment I don't. I can make it all right and wonderful, I can keep it just the way it is and no one will ever suspect a thing. You can still have your General and I can still have my country and I will still have him, in a manner, through you. Really, he never realized how much I cared for him; but that will all change now.” And then it reached out with Roy's hand and pushed Ed's bangs back, it leaned in close with Roy's face like it might try to kiss him, and he jerked back, but it still held his hand with Roy's hand.
“Why all the fuss? It's still his body, he's just sharing,” it cooed in Roy's voice.
“Ling was right, it's a woman,” Ed said, speaking out loud even if he was speaking to himself.
“Can a spirit still possess a gender? I suppose it can,” Roy mused. “I was so caught up in the miasma of energies inside the gate I quite forgot about it; but now that you mention it, it's all rushing back. Now, let's talk terms. For your absolute obedience he gets to live, you get to live and I get to live. It's equivalent, I think, seeing as how I was so rudely robbed and dispatched. To be honest, though I had expected you'd figured it out, you had me worried for a bit. I was counting on your vaunted intelligence and was despairing I would have to keep this charade up for untold years. I'm actually happy to have it out in the open where we can work on being one big, happy family. I've always loved the idea of a big, happy family.”
He was numb, from head to toe. He knew how Roy felt, he knew now how the duality robbed him of his equilibrium, just as the impossibility of this situation was robbing Ed of his own.
“It's not equivalent, he had nothing to do with it, not directly, he got pulled into it,” Ed snapped. “That's not equivalence. What should have been equivalent was me, I was there, too! Why him, why not me?!”
“Are you jealous?” Roy-not-Roy smirked. “Frankly, you don't have the stature in either position or body to have been worth the trouble. You don't think I would have bargained so mightily to merely settle for a teaching position? Do you know what sustained me? Do you? You might think it was revenge; but that's a petty and unsatisfying way to spend an eternity as an insubstantial nothing. No, what held me together, what's always held me together? Ambition. He and I are more alike than perhaps you'd like us to be. Really, I'm not going to be that much of an intrusion to your sensibilities. I'm just your type. I was just his type, too, back then.”
Ed knew she didn't mean Roy.
“As long as we have the understanding that you will do as I say and I won't destroy him from within, everything will be fine,” and Roy-not-Roy patted his hand and released it and Ed rocked back and then got to his feet.
“We have an understanding,” Ed said quietly.
“Good,” Roy-not-Roy said. “I'll give you a little reward for being so cooperative. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”
And Ed watched. He saw the change in Roy's face, in Roy's eyes and it was Roy again. And Roy was looking confused and a little lost, but when he looked at Ed, his eyes were concerned.
“Ed,” he said, “Are you all right? You look like you've seen a ghost.”
**
It was all he could do to focus, to answer any questions, to participate in his life such as it was at the moment. All he could really do was think back to this morning.
He was joined in the bathroom, as he usually was. There was Roy's body, getting ready for work, in his shirt sleeves and uniform pants. He was in the final touch ups.
“I'm sure you have a lot of questions,” Roy said, and smiled at Ed's reflection in the mirror. “Please don't think you can't confide in me, Edward. You forget he's in here with me and he's just a font of information, especially on the topic of you.”
And Roy's body primped as it always did, fiddling with his bangs, just the right amount of cologne, checking his teeth.
“I can say I'm very pleased with this physical form, he takes excellent care of himself. Such attention to detail, a great deal of it for your benefit,” and Roy-not-Roy smiled at himself in the mirror.
“Please just stop, just stop talking to me like we have anything other than an understanding,” Ed grate out. “Please stop trying to make this comfortable. I want your ground rules. I want to know my limits. I'm assuming there will be no discussion with anyone, and I'm fine with that. I don't want anyone else in harm's way.”
“All that is a given. Oh, and deliver to me the Xingese prince,” Roy said with a smile.
“I can't, I don't know where he is,” Ed said, thankful that he really didn't.
Roy-not-Roy looked at him, and Ed met his eyes, and after a moment Roy-not-Roy tutted and sighed. “All right, very well, I believe you. I know that your brother already knows, keep him out of my way and keep his mouth shut and he and his lovely wife will be fine.”
Ed nodded. He busied himself with getting ready for work as well.
“This is going to be fine,” Roy-not-Roy soothed. “You'll see, it will all work out for the best.”
“Let me find you another body. Let me make you one,” Ed said, staring into the sink. “I'll risk it, I know the dangers, but let me try.”
“But this one is so perfect, I don't mind the gender,” Roy-not-Roy said, smoothing his shirt front.
“Let me try, you have to give me some hope I can get him back,” Ed continued. “You'll find me much more pliant if I'm occupied.”
“I find that the risk of losing you weighs very heavily; not entirely of my own volition,” Roy-not-Roy tapped his temple. “He can hear this and register it on the most base level you know, even if he doesn't realize what's going on.”
“You're all kinds of a fucking monster,” Ed said hoarsely.
“Oh, so rude. You're forgiven this time, now come along, we'll be late.” And with that, Roy-not-Roy left the bathroom and proceeded to finish his morning routine in time for coffee, while Ed tried not to throw up into the bathroom sink.
The ride to work was silent. Roy-not-Roy dropped him off at his usual spot and he got out without a word, or a kiss, or a promise of seeing Roy that evening: nothing. There had never been nothing before, and he felt empty and alone as he entered the building full of people. The rest of the day was like a puppet show: he spoke the lines he knew he had to speak and after class, he holed up in his office with the door locked and pretended he wasn't there. And he didn't want to be there; he didn't want to be anywhere. He didn't want to be in this life where there was no Roy, where there was nothing. He didn't want to make the walk over to HQ and play in this charade. But he had to, because what else did he have? If he didn't have Roy, then he had nothing.
So he made the walk, eyes down, avoiding all around him that was once something, but at the moment was part of this nothing. He entered the office slowly and when Roy looked up at him and smiled, he knew in that moment there was something. It was Roy-Roy - and he looked glad to see Ed. Ed came in, felt himself smiling back; because it was Roy, it was his something. He glanced at the big table and Havoc was there, and Havoc was watching him very closely, and Ed knew he had to avoid that. He knew that Havoc knew something, they all knew something, how could they not? Roy had honed them into a unit that could move and think as one, even if he wasn't at the head. Ed sat pointedly on the couch with his back to Havoc and hoped Havoc took the hint.
“Well, hello there, Professor,” Roy said from behind his desk. “It's good to see you. I will try not to make you wait long. What should we have for dinner?”
And it made Ed ache, to his bones, for Roy to be there and be with him, knowing that there inside his Roy, his beautiful general, something else lurked and he knew it and he almost wished he didn't. He almost wished feverishly that he didn't. But then what would that be? A lie? An abandonment? He gave himself a little shake.
“I'm partial to anything, you know,” he said with a shrug, “so whatever works for you.”
“Well ,Havoc works for me, but I doubt he's palatable,” the general said, looking down at his paperwork again. On some strange idle level of his mind Ed noted that Roy-not-Roy seemed to dislike the paperwork as much as Roy-Roy, for he never found Roy-not-Roy doing it. Funny how even the mundane things attached to the man he loved more than life had a weird significance.
“Glad to hear it,” Havoc said from across the room, but Ed could feel Havoc's eyes on the back of his head. How could he do this? How could he hide this? Should he hide this? Should they know? Should they have the knowledge to defend themselves? He reached up to rub his face, and caught Roy looking at him.
“Tired?” Roy asked.
“Yeah,” Ed replied honestly. Tired, so tired that he just wanted to lay down and close his eyes and wait for this to go away.
“Well,” Roy said, picking up the stack of papers he had in front of him, tapping them to neaten them then putting them in his out box, “allow me to take you home where you can have dinner, a nice soak and an early night if you so desire. There was that program on the radio we always listen to, but that can wait as well.”
Ed nodded and stood, feeling like lead. He waited for Roy to get his things.
“Evening, Colonel,” Roy said to Havoc as he headed out.
“Evening, General, Professor,” Havoc said behind them as Ed turned to follow him.
“Night, Havoc,” Ed said, gave the man a half wave without looking at him and hurried after the general as he went down the hall.
The ride home was nothing like the ride into work that morning. Roy was full of news and gossip and he shared it, like he always did. He asked after Ed's day, Ed's students, what Ed had for lunch, what Ed thought they might do this weekend.
It was all so painfully normal.
“You must really be tired,” Roy said as they turned onto their street. “It's not like you to be so quiet all the way home. You're not coming down with something, are you?” Roy reached over to touch him and Ed stiffened in reaction then tried so hard to take it back, but he was sure Roy noticed because Roy's hand stopped before making contact and hovered before it withdrew. Before he could say anything to make it right, they were pulling into the driveway and Roy was shutting off the car and opening his door. Ed got out and plodded up the walk after him to be let into the house.
R.D. hovered at the end of the hallway, then approached Roy cautiously, wagging his stump of a tail and sniffed at a boot. Roy tutted to the little dog, reached down to pet him and R.D. accepted it for a moment before darting to Ed with more enthusiasm. Ed knew how the little dog felt, knew the little dog had known long before the rest of them. Hescooped him up to carry him down to the bedroom, giving him scratches and coos to reassure him. Roy just watched after them, looking unreadable.
Ed was alone in the bedroom for a few moments. He set R.D. on his feet and decided to get into his house clothes for the rest of the evening. He was just taking off his shirt when Roy walked in. Once again he stopped, he hesitated, and he watched Roy, and Roy looked back at him with an expression that tore at Ed's heart.
Roy tried to make light of it.
“It's too late now, I've seen all the good bits,” he joked, but it didn't reach his eyes and he turned away almost as he said it.
Ed had to find a way to separate the two; he had to do it, there was no other way. He shucked the shirt off, dropped it and in a few steps he was against Roy's back, his arms around Roy's waist. Roy's hand moved to one of Ed's arms, and rubbed it as he was held.
It struck Ed that Roy wasn't questioning his behavior; Roy wasn't demanding answers about this sudden withdrawal, and then he knew. What she had said, that on the base level Roy knew everything that was going on. He sensed why Ed was rejecting him even if he didn't know it logically and he wasn't questioning it, because Roy knew. He just didn't know that he knew.
And Ed ... Ed had to find a way to use that.
Dinner was sandwiches, all made by Roy because Roy was the designated feeder of Ed, and they sat together on the couch with the radio on after. The silence was getting smothering. Ed scooted over until he was against Roy's side and Roy put his arm around him. Ed looked up and Roy looked down and smiled.
“I want tonight, just you and me,” Ed said.
Roy looked confused. “Was someone coming over?”
Ed just kept his gaze and said again, firmly. “Just you and me.”
And after a moment, Roy nodded slowly and Ed reached up to wrap his arm around Roy's neck, pull him down and kiss him, and then pulled him all the way down until he was lying on the couch with Roy mostly on top of him.
“I thought you were tired,” Roy murmured between kisses. Long, slow kisses that neither wanted to break even to breathe.
“I'm in love,” Ed murmured back. “That means that no matter what, I want to be with you.”
“That makes me the luckiest man on the planet,” Roy answered back, then he wrapped his arms under Ed, sat Ed up, pulled Ed to straddle his lap, and Ed got his hands into that soft, thick black hair and he dragged his fingers through it as he kissed Roy and kissed Roy and never wanted to let Roy go again. It didn't matter, it just didn't matter that there was someone else, because there was Roy, and that's what Ed needed. It was true, he was in love, no matter what he wanted to be with Roy. And he had a plan. A plan that might make Roy think he was insane but a plan nonetheless. A plan to make Roy understand what was happening: what they were against, what they had to fight.
And that plan was: he would talk. He would talk to Roy even if Roy didn't realize what he was telling him because on some level Roy would realize, when it was important. Roy was brilliant and strong and even if Ed had nothing else, he had faith, all placed in Roy. It had been for a long time. He wasn't going to give it up now. And he had another part of his plan: and that was learning all about chi, because he was sure in some way that the Xingese had a way with souls. And souls were energy, and energy he understood. So, he had to find Ling and he had to hope that Ling, despite being Ling, would know what to do. This all became a distracted jumble when Roy slid his hands into the back of Ed's loose house pants.
“We haven't fucked on the couch in a long time,” Ed said against Roy's lips.
Roy sucked at his bottom lip and answered, “No, we haven't.” And Roy sounded all breathless and a little excited and Ed arched forward to press himself to Roy's belly. Roy's hands were on his bare ass now and they were kneading, rubbing. He trailed a finger into the cleft, he brushed at Ed's anus and Ed's cock responded with a twitch and he had to rub it there, hard against the flat of Roy's stomach. Ed bunched his hands into the shoulders of Roy's shirt, pulled on it as he tried to capture Roy's tongue with his teeth.
“Can I have your shirt?” Ed asked after the second failed attempt One little too hard of a nip a long time ago and Roy was still teeth shy; it was really uncalled for, but then again Ed was teeth shy, too.
“Of course you can,” Roy said with that husky timbre that made Ed's toes curl. So Roy's shirt came off and Ed threw it over the back of the couch for Roy to pick up fussily later. In return, Roy started to work Ed's pants down, doing it somehow with his wrists as his hands were still firmly on Ed's ass. Roy was a man with magical get Ed naked abilities: it was a wonder. And Ed got to put his hands all over Roy's bare chest now and then settle his thumbs over Roy's nipples to rub in slow circular motions. This made Roy thrust his chest out and Ed responded in a macho manner even though no one was touching his chest. If there was chest thrusting going on, Ed always had to join in.
“I hope there is lube in the end table, you dirty old man,” Ed panted against Roy's lips. “But you always camouflage it and I can never figure it out.”
“It's that big, old, silver fountain pen,” Roy panted back. “I hollowed it out a while ago and rigged the trigger mechanism in the cap, really, it's brilliant.”
“If only your powers could be used for good,” Ed groaned back.
“Only the good of making you scream,” Roy said, going to the side of Ed's neck and Ed moaned and thrust into Roy's stomach: hard now, diamond.
Ed made a lean and a grab at the side table, yanking the drawer out dramatically and spilling most of it's contents on the floor and as usual Roy made a lust-filled tutting sound. Roy still had a thing for being neat even in the mist of heated passion and Ed would never get his head around that. But as miracle would have it, the pen was still in the drawer when Ed dropped it down beside them on the couch and after a grab or two, he got the pen and then put it between his teeth to clench, because Roy was no longer just fingering his anus, he was pressing and Ed had to place his hands on Roy's shoulders and lift and lower a little to that. Roy seemed to be watching this, amazed.
“One day we might have to try giving you a bit, that's extremely erotic,” Roy panted, “your jaw all clenched up like that.”
Ed spit the pen out. It landed between them and he scowled and snorted even as he lifted and lowered himself.
“I don't think so, Mr. Pervert,” he growled, then he moaned. “Maybe, I don't know, quit confusing one depraved sex act for another,” and he squeezed Roy's shoulders a bit and Roy ducked down his left shoulder and made that face he made when Ed's automail was involved, but to his credit he didn't whine this time. Ed had told him whining was unsexy.
“I have to heroically move one of my hands from your ass,” Roy panted. “My bravery in these situations is exceptional and I really think you should think about the bit as a reward for all the sacrifices I make to keep you satisfied.”
“You're talking,” Ed panted, “what have we talked about in the past about talking during sex? It was an unnecessary complication and it was completely unfair because while you are made of talk, I am made of action. We discussed this in length the last time you got chatty while fingering my ass, and you even agreed that it was excessive chit-chat, and now you're doing it again and it's a very bad habit,” and Ed wished his voice didn't get so high in times like these.
“If I don't talk while having sex then I have to save it up for after sex and you fall asleep.” Now Roy was whining. “I have to get in the good highlights while we're engaged and make you make promises you'd never make otherwise!”
“AHHA I KNEW IT,” Ed yelled. “That's how I ended up with the maid uniform, it's all a trap, it's always been a trap! Use the lube already and do something and trap me some more!”
Roy jerked one hand off Ed's ass, fumbled for the pen, then he had to pause and demonstrate the pen to Ed so Ed would be impressed, but Ed tried to bite one of his fingers off,. “Fine,” Roy said, “I'll just make a mental note to get you to congratulate me on my genius later. You really get mean when you're horny.” Roy placed the pen back in the drawer once it's usefulness was over and Ed made that cute little high whine through his nose when Roy's hand returned to its previous location. Now there was pressing and penetrating and Ed slammed hard into his stomach, then sat hard on his hand, trapping it against his legs.
“I can't move like this and my fingers are all cramped,” Roy said.
“Shut up,” Ed growled. “I've had it with the yapping, now it's the doing.” And doing was what Ed did, he began to move himself, up and down and back and forth and Roy made interesting faces, but didn't mention his hand again, probably for fear Ed would pick on him some more. But it was clear this wasn't enough, and Ed shoved Roy hard against the couch by his shoulders and got right in his face.
“Okay, here is what we are going to do,” Ed hissed and Roy nodded with eyebrows raised, looking as if he was nervous for his jugular vein. “I'm going to lift up some and you work that fucking magic you have and get my pants off, or at least one leg,” Ed instructed with a hissing growl, “then, when that's done, you get your cock out and you hold it steady and I am going to sit on it and you are not going to make it difficult or try to draw it out or any other of your bullshit foreplay that I love,” Ed snarled. “Have you got that, soldier?”
“Yessir,” Roy mumbled, looking impressed and intimidated. “Just let me shift my arm a little, then you sit up and pull up your right leg...sir.”
“That's what I'm talking about,” and Ed did as instructed and through Roy's magical talents he was able to free his right leg from his pants and boxers and Roy did it as if it was nothing and not once did he remove his hands from Ed's ass. It was a sex on the couch night miracle.
“How did you do that?” Ed panted. “You need to teach me ...”
“I thought this was do and no more yapping,” Roy barked, apparently deciding he outranked Ed and seeing if he could get away with outranking Ed. Ed looked startled, then closed his mouth and looked at Roy for further instructions.
“Now I'm going to lift up a bit and you are going to push my pants down in front and free my cock and you can take your time holding it or rubbing it if you want,” Roy instructed. “Then you mister, not me, are going to hold it steady and sit on it while I guide you with my well-placed hands. I don't want to move them, you got that?”
Ed grinned. “Yessir,” he said. He looked at Roy expectantly, so Roy raised his ass a little from the couch and Ed quickly worked his pants down just enough to get his cock free and Ed gripped it tightly and they both looked at each other and grinned.
“Military precision,” Roy gasped.
“No, you're just a talented pervert,” Ed returned.
“Either works,” Roy confirmed, then he eased his fingers out of Ed's ass and lifted him a bit. Ed had one hand on Roy's shoulder and one hand on Roy's cock, and he was looking down between them as if trying to gauge aim and Roy tutted.
“Just start sitting, it will be easier, you can use my hands as a guide,” Roy said.
“Look, you worry about your part, I'll worry about mine,” Ed snorted. “You got to play boss, so shut up and let me work this out.”
“I slicked you up from back to front,” Roy stressed, “it should just slide right into place.”
“Quit being a toppy bottom,” Ed growled, “even if you're the one going in on the mission, you're on the bottom. I can do this, haven't we done this before?”
“Yes and I remember being bent in ways I'm not supposed to bend,” Roy said. “That hurt; maybe I should be lining you up.”
“What is it about you and a little pain? You're such a girl sometimes. I made it better, didn't I? Hold still.” And Ed started to lower himself.
“You're too far to the right,” Roy offered and then hissed when Ed jerked his cock. “There is no way that was accidental,” Roy complained.
“Maybe I should just pull it off and put it back when I get finished,” Ed threatened. Then he sat and it was a little too far to the right, and Roy yelped and Ed lifted back up quickly. “It's your fault for distracting me!”
“Let me do this,” and Roy removed one hand from Ed's ass and made to grab his own cock, but Ed still had a hold of it and they glared at each other for a long moment. “Give me my cock,” Roy ordered.
“No,” Ed said, “during sex it's my cock, we agreed. In fact all parts of you are mine, I have it on a napkin somewhere, I kept that, you know, it's like a deed!”
“No court would hold me to a half -runken scribble on a napkin,” Roy argued, “although knowing you kept it is endearing and sways me in your favor.”
Ed started to sit again, and Roy made a noise and shifted a bit to the right, and Ed let him, and then they paused as the head of Roy's cock pressed at the opening of Ed's anus.
“Victory is ours,” Roy said, his voice dropping and his hand returning to Ed's ass.
“Victory is ours,” Ed agreed and leaned in to close his mouth over Roy's as he pressed down until he was seated in Roy's lap.
Roy made a noise into Ed's mouth, his fingers dug into Ed's butt cheeks and Ed moved, lifted himself, thrust himself forward to rub his erection on Roy's stomach and then lowered himself, letting Roy fill him again. This was why life was worth living. He ran his hands back into Roy's hair, dug in and hung on and Roy shuddered against him, beneath him, inside him and Ed could only move again. And that is how it went, with varying increases of speed and breathless sounds. Roy finally pulled his hand away from Ed's ass again only to claim Ed's cock and it was Ed's turn to shudder from head to toe; to try to pull Roy's hair out, to make an amused sound into Roy's mouth as he whined, to love this man, live this man, being one with this man as much as he could. His whole life spent in this man's embrace was more than he deserved and the only thing he ever wanted. When the climax came, Roy pressed them tightly together, cried out with Ed and held him as they both trembled. And Ed, in the rare position of being as tall as Roy, pulled Roy's head to his shoulder, held him there and Roy pressed his face against the side of Ed's neck.
“You never had this,” Ed said, his voice just above a whisper. “This isn't how it was for you, and I'm sorry, but you're not going to take it away from me.”
“What are you talking about?” Roy murmured against his neck.
“Life and how to live it, hush, just let me talk,” Ed said. “You don't have any idea of the fight you have on your hands.”
“Was the sex so good that you're addled?” Roy said, sounding amused. “I love this position.”
“He belongs to me and I take care of what is mine,” Ed continued. He felt Roy run a hand up his back and just rub him.
“He's mine, no matter what,” Ed finished, then pulled back, looked into Roy's sleepy eyes. “I think you forgot what it was like after so long. Maybe you became less than human, no matter what you wore; but he will never be, he will always be this and we will always have this. No matter what.”
Roy didn't question him, only looked at him and Ed stroked his face, ran a thumb over Roy's bottom lip. They just kept looking at each other for long moments.
“Let's sleep here,” Roy finally offered. “Or can you carry me to bed? I'll pay you.”
Ed just grinned and tipped their foreheads together.