Zoofic - Caring Part 1
This is a deviation for me and I wrote it to prove to myself I could write something I find 'squicky' and I also wrote to make anax shut up. So blame him not me.
Rating: NC-17 NOT WORK SAFE
Warnings: Bestiality [in a sense]
“Be careful,” she cried. “Don't crush his fingers!”
One of the men reached over and pried the fingers gripping the side of the board loose, shoved hard to get the hand back in the box and then he and the other two men pushed the final panel into place.
“Get this nailed shut,” the man barked to the last man standing on the sidelines. The man nodded and came over quickly with a couple of hammers and a box of nails. While two men leaned into the panel to hold it in place, the first man and the bystander began hammering nails into the panel to secure it.
Inside the box she heard heavy panting, frantic whines and banging. Abruptly the noise moved from one end of the box to the other. Fingers appeared out of the holes along the side of the box, cut there to act as ventilation.
She looked at the fingers as they poked through the holes. They gripped the side of the holes and pulled hard to no avail, then they'd disappear and reappear, and the noises coming from inside the box grew more desperate. Her feet carried her forward and before she knew it she reached up and laced two of her fingers through the fingers protruding through the hole.
“It's ok,” she tried to comfort the box's occupant. “No one is going to hurt you, you'll be all right,” she tried to soothe.
The fingers laced with hers tightened abruptly. She saw a flash in the hole next to them, dark and then white, a eye peering at her. The noises changed then, to pleading sounds, confused sounds.
“It's ok,” she repeated. “It's going to be ok, calm down.”
The men were finishing up and stepping back. One of them went to the truck and returned with heavy nylons straps in rolls. They began putting these around the box, threading them into metal catches to hold them in place.
“Does he have any water in there?” she asked. “What about feeding him? He'll need something to eat. Does he have any bedding?”
Why had she been such a coward when they'd first opened the box? Why hadn't she inspected it?
“He has bedding,” one of the men said, “and a supply of water in sipping bottles, you said he knew how to use them.”
“He does,” she said, her fingers still prisoner in his. Another hole was suddenly filled with fingers and she reached up to touch them as well. Both her hands were caught against the side of the shipping crate.
“You'll take care of him?” she asked, eyes getting a bit blurry. “He's scared, don't bang on the box to make him be quiet, just talk to him, ok?”
“It's our job to make sure he's delivered safe and sound,” the man said. “Don't worry, I'll oversee him personally, I know he means a lot to you.”
“He does,” she said, “but he means a lot more to someone else. I can't believe this is happening,” she ended faintly.
“I'm sure the Emperor is in your debt for taking such excellent care of him,” the man said, trying to be kind. “I don't know all the circumstances but I see you're having problems with this and I'm sorry.”
“Can you give me a few moments?” she asked. “Before you load him into the truck? I'm never going to see him again. I know you may think that is absurd since he is supposedly just an animal...”
“No,” the man said and waved his hand. “Go ahead, but we have a schedule, you can't make it long.”
He walked away then, calling his companions with him and they went over and milled around by the truck. She watched them for a second before turning back to the crate and her captured hands. She went on tiptoe to get her lips closer to the air holes.
“I'm sorry,” she said softly and she was answered in a way. The noises from inside were scratchy and frightened. The breathing was still heavy and uneven.
“I know you don't understand,” she continued. “But I fought, I fought so hard. I really tried and I'm still fighting, I don't think it will work. But I'm told you'll live in the palace gardens, that they take excellent care of the palace stock and you'll...you'll have opportunities for another mate.”
The fingers on hers tightened to the point of pain for a long moment, the sound inside was ragged and mournful. There was a heavy thump of a body through the wooden wall.
“He's never going to understand,” she said mostly to herself. “I know that you both can understand most things I tell you, but how do I explain this? I can't explain this when even I don't understand. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I won't stop trying while there still might be hope.”
She saw the man approaching and rushed ahead quickly.
“He loves you, I love you, please understand that at least, please understand this not my choice,” she squeezed his fingers. “Ling, be good ok? Be good Ling.”
The man stopped a respectful distance away and Marta took another deep breath, then worked her fingers free. Ling let out a high pleading sound and the box shook.
She stood back and watched as the four men loaded the shipping crate into the back of the truck and secured it. Then they got in and drove away, taking Ed's mate with them. Marta watched until they got to the end of the drive and turned down the street, grateful that the sound of the truck had drowned out the cries coming from the crate.
Inside the sanctuary, Ed was asleep in the enclosure he'd shared with his mate these last five years, another of her betrayals. Ed slept because of a mild sedative mixed with fruit salad and offered as a treat. She'd thought to spare him the separation, but now instead she wondered if she had robbed him of a chance to say goodbye.
She wondered if he would forgive her, because even though the circumstances were beyond her control, she wasn't likely to forgive herself.
**
She came in quietly, carrying a bottle of water, and went over to the low platform bed, half obscured by a screen against the far wall of the enclosure. She sat down on the edge of the bed near his head, and reached over to brush the long bangs off his cheek. Ed sighed heavily and his nose twitched; then he rubbed his face into the pillow and mumbled. She stroked her thumb over his cheek. His brown coat-pelt lay crumpled beside the bed where he had shrugged it off; his vest was unbuttoned along with the first few buttons of his under shirt of white.
“Ed?” she said softly, he stirred just a bit.
She set the water down on the floor next to the bed and leaned over him, lowering her cheek to his shoulder. He sighed and smacked his lips, and his nose twitched again. She lay there over him for a moment, wanting to protect him. He would wake up soon; he would be thirsty from the sedative. He would probably be hungry...he would probably look for his mate.
She got up again and looked around the room. It had changed a lot over these last five years. Ed's own maturity had demanded it. Gone was his hammock and the pillow nest and the toys. Now there was a sofa, plants, throw rugs...a desk and book shelves. The low framed bed and screen. Yard sale finds, donations and hand me downs. She and Leslie had even painted the walls a pastel green. Thinking of Leslie, (long since graduated and interning at the Southern Zoological Society), made her remember it was time to feed the Mustang.
She left Ed sleeping there, went into the kitchens and went through the routine of making up the Mustang's meal. When she delivered it to him, he regarded her mildly as he usually did, and didn't approach the pan until she'd left the enclosure. Marta and the Mustang had a mutual respect for one another. They never pushed just beyond that, and so it was nice that Leslie still came to visit him when she was in town.
She went back to Ed's enclosure, and lingered outside his picture window. She couldn't really see him sleeping on the bed, but she knew he was in there, alone. She was all to aware of the silence of the sanctuary. In a way she was glad there were no other animals in residence at the moment, other than the Mustang. She wasn't sure what was coming, but she was sure Ed would need her undivided attention for a while.
Restless, she went into her office. It used to be a storage room, but the addition of a storage shed through donations had freed up the space. She liked an office with a door because she could keep Ling out. Well, that wasn't much of a worry anymore, was it? She sat at her desk and looked through the mail that had come in the previous day, trying to sort it out. She flipped through the stack over and over again, not really seeing it. Her mind's eye was focused inward. He'd trusted her, he'd let her lead him out by the hand. He'd been baffled by the men and the box. He'd looked over his shoulder at her when two of the men bum rushed him into it. She'd just stood there and watched, just handed him over like he was nothing...nothing but an animal.
She dropped the mail on her desk and pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes. Ed had matured, he'd shed his red pelt! No adolescent Edward who was not pair-bonded in captivity had ever done that, no matter what his age. Why had Ed? Because of Ling. Because Ed had adapted, and Ling had facilitated whatever it was in Edward that caused him to advance his maturity. Marta had feared Edward would forever be red pelted and kittenish, unable to advance because he lacked a mate. Marta had even written it up and submitted it to the Institute and they had accepted it. Praised her innovative methods of rehabilitation. It hadn't been her, it had been Ling. Ling's persistence and ultimate winning over of a lonely, ostracized Elric. And she'd just handed him over, let them take him because she couldn't find a way to keep him. She couldn't find a way around it. She knew nothing of innovation.
She heard a noise out in the hall, a shuffling sound, and she uncovered her eyes and looked up. Ed appeared briefly in the doorway, rumpled and groggy, carrying the bottle of water she'd left by his bedside. He peered in at her, then looked around her office and made a soft inquiring noise. His 'name' for Ling. Marta covered her mouth. Ed tilted his head at her, his brow furrowed; he backed out of the doorway and sighed, and she heard him moving away. Again his voice carried Ling's name to her. When should she tell him? Should she stop him now or let him wander about, calling for a mate who would never answer?
When she got up and followed him out into the hallway, he stopped and turned to look back at her, offering her a bleary smile. She went up to him and gently took him by the shoulders, turned him and steered him back to his enclosure. She got him over to the bed and sat him down on it, sitting down beside him. His hair was loose and his bangs were mostly in his eyes; she tried to push them back, looking into his eyes to judge if he were truly awake at the moment. Ed sighed and leaned into her, snuffling into her shoulder, and she stroked the back of his head. She let him lean there for as long as he wanted. The top of his head was pressed against her cheek. He smelled sleep warm and clean.
After a bit he straightened back up and stretched, scratched though his hair and looked around a bit. His clouded look had faded and he kept looking around the enclosure. He slapped his knees and started to stand but Marta put her hand on his arm and he settled back down and looked at her.
“I have to tell you something Ed,” she said. “It's important.”
His eyebrow climbed a little and he turned toward her a bit, pulling his knees up on the bed. Marta reached out and took his hands, and he smiled, looking down as she ran her thumb over the back of his fingers.
“I don't know if you will understand everything I am going to tell you, but I am going to tell you everything. I'm going to try and explain what has happened.” She raised her eyes to his, and found him focused intently upon her.
“About three weeks ago I got a phone call,” she stared. “It was a request to visit the sanctuary, you know I get them a lot. You get to see all kinds of people. Well this time the people where special. One of them was a Xingian Prince. Do you know of Xing? That is the country Ling is from,” she told him. Edward might very well know with the amount of books and newspapers he read. Ed studied her face, his eyes bright and inquisitive.
“So you remember when those men came to the sanctuary? Not too long ago? You remember I made you and Ling take a bath. Then later those men came.” Ed gave a slight nod so Marta continued. “The Prince from Xing liked Ling a lot, he thought Ling should go back to Xing with him. He thought Ling would be happier in Xing. I tried to tell him that was not possible, because he was here with you and your mate.” She was simplifying it, because she really needed Ed to understand. “But a Prince is like a leader of people and when he says something then people obey him, and he decided that Ling should return to Xing.” There was no point in telling Ed that it was the lean of a diplomat. That the Emperor had seen Ling on television and in a burst of baffling patriotic feeling declared there should be no Lings outside of Xing. How did she explain that?
“While you were asleep,” Marta dropped her eyes and began rubbing the back of Ed's fingers harder, “some men came and took Ling back to Xing.” She went quiet and waited. After just a moment Ed made a sound, then another, and the sound became louder and his hands shook in hers. Marta slowly lifted her eyes to his face again, and he stared at her, his own eyes starting to look disbelieving and uncertain. This time the sound he made was Ling's name, and he pulled his hands out of her grasp and jumped to his feet. Marta watched him turn his head slowly. His eyes searched every inch of his enclosure, and he said Ling's name again in a low and questioning way. He then balled his fists and strode to the door, went into the hallway and called again. After a moment he walked down the hallway toward the infirmary, and she heard him call again.
Marta raised her hands to cover her ears, but she stopped herself. No, she deserved it and she couldn't leave Ed alone when he needed her most. She heard him calling throughout the sanctuary, she heard the door dividing the sanctuary from the house open and close and she just sat there. She shoved her hands under her thighs to keep them away from her head and waited. He had to realize, it had to sink in. The door dividing the house from the sanctuary opened again after a while, but now the footsteps were rushed and she heard Ed running back down the hall. Ling's name was no longer just a firm inquiry, it was a frightened cry. She heard him recheck all the rooms he'd checked on his first trip down the hall. She heard him in the infirmary calling over and over, and finally she saw him run by the picture window and appear in the doorway of his enclosure, panting slightly. He looked at her with large eyes, his fingers clenching and unclenching. Then he raised one, pointed at her shakily and said Ling's name in a harsh exhale.
“I'm sorry Ed,” Marta said. “He's gone, there was nothing I could do and I tried everything. I called everyone. I even tried to contact the Emperor myself. I tried not to leave any avenue unsearched, any stone unturned. I have written to the Emperor, but I don't know if he'll even see it.”
Ed made a sweeping gesture with his arm as if all of that meant nothing. He slammed the side of his balled fist into the door. He was panting and he pinned her with his gaze.
“LING,” he said very clearly and shook. He kept looking at her expectantly.
“I can't,” she said. “I can't bring him back Ed. Ling is gone.” Her mouth went dry, her heart started a bit in her chest. Was he doing what she thought he was doing?
Ed put his hands to either side of his head, gritting his teeth and struggling with himself. Marta remained sitting on the edge of the bed, hands folded in her lap. She watched him, ached for him, wanted to go to him. Marta did find her feet when Ed's control crumbled, and he keened loudly and then sobbed, eyes tearing up. But when she approached him his eyes snapped open, he snarled and swung his arm again to keep her away. Marta came to an uncertain halt.
“NO,” he said, jabbing his finger at her.
“LING,” he grated out, and his eyes demanded.
“I can't,” Marta said again, trying hard to be firm. “It won't work Ed. I can't do it.”
How sad, Marta thought, how fucking ironic. Something she'd always dreamed of Ed doing, something she'd tried to coax out of him, something she'd wheedled and bribed for and it never worked. But now, when she was delivering all this misery, he offered it freely. Marta suppose anyone just needed the right motivation. How appropriate that he gave this to her just as she had allowed his world to be taken away.
Ed had never spoken before.
They stood at a stand off for a moment. Marta's resolve crumbled first.
“Ed,” she said, her voice dropping to console him. “I'm sorry, please...” She moved forward and held her hands out, but he snarled at her and backed away, shook his head. He wouldn't allow her to approach him, touch him, even though she pursued him into the hall. He looked at her, his eyes taking on a cast that she hadn't seen since his kitten days.
“I did everything I could,” Marta said. “Please believe me, I didn't want this to happen.” She had worked long and hard to gain Ed's trust and she was terrified of losing it. “Ed, I loved Ling too, you don't think I'd just give him up that easily! I know what he meant to you, I would never hurt you willingly, you know that!”
He understood her, he understood every word out of her mouth. He always had, she knew it. Even if she'd been chuckled at and indulged by her colleagues. She knew it and here was her proof, and she should crow and congratulate herself...but instead she was fighting to keep something precious.
Ed tensed all over, then he broke and ran for the door dividing the sanctuary from the main house, slamming it behind him. She heard the doorknob rattle. He was... he was LOCKING THE DOOR! Her eyes widened in disbelief. Why would he lock the door? What could it possibly serve but to slow her down? There was a dead bolted door in the infirmary that lead outside, and he knew it. She could open it with the key she kept hidden. So why would he...?
Marta spun and ran into the infirmary. Jerked one of the drawers out of the medical cabinet and turned it over, heedless of its contents raining down onto her feet. She yanked off the key taped to the bottom and shoved an exam table out of her way, throwing herself against the door leading into the backyard. She almost dropped the key getting it into the lock.
She ran hard through the backyard, along the back of the house to the gate, slammed it open and ran for the front. She stopped at the corner of the house, panting ... the front door stood open and her heart pounded. She scanned the yard. The Sanctuary sat back from the road. The front yard disappeared into trees that effectively hid them from view and acted as a sound buffer to traffic. She started down the driveway - little more than beaten down dirt and grass - and her eyes darted left and right, looking for a flash of gold and brown and white.
She heard some rustling in the trees and immediately charged into them. The noises in front of her stilled for a moment, then took off to her left. She angled with them and then she saw him. It was now a chase. Ed was young and fast, but she was desperate and determined. Ed broke through the trees first, at the side of the main road. Marta's throat almost constricted but she forced it open.
“Stay away from the road!” she yelled at him, coming out of the trees behind him. “Ed, stay out of the road!” Ed had ridden in cars, seen cars, smelled cars, but he had no healthy fear of cars. Ed stared at her a moment and she threw her hand out toward him.
“Ed please! This isn't going to change anything! You can't find him, he went away in a truck! They have been gone a long time, you won't be able to find him on foot,” Marta implored. “Please come back to the house, there isn't anything for you out here!”
She could tell he was hovering on indecision, but he was tensed for flight and so she took the chance and charged him. He yelped and back pedaled, turned to run, and she tackled him. The both went crashing to the ground with her on top. Ed screeched and flailed, gnashed with his teeth and kicked with his legs.
“Stop it! Stop it Ed, calm down,” she cried, lying with all her weight on top of him, trying desperately to pin him. “This won't help Ling! He's gone, you can't help him. Ed look at me he's gone!” She made a grab for his chin but he ducked his head and his teeth sank into the flesh of her hand between her thumb and forefinger. She went still. Ed was snarling savagely and Marta made no move to try and pull her hand from his mouth. She watched him, watched as blood from broken skin trickled and ran down the side of her finger. He stilled, his breathing heavy and ragged. His golden eyes focused on her face and he slowly opened his mouth. Marta moved her hand then, drawing it back but she didn't bother with the bite, she'd had them before. Instead with her uninjured hand she reached up to touch his face.
When she touched his cheek he threw his head back and howled. It ran over her, it dragged at her soul. Ed was writhing under her again, but not trying to get away. This was grief. Such an honest and brutal display of emotion...it sought to overwhelm the very air around them. Marta moved off of him them, getting onto her knees at his side, then slid her arms around his shoulders and pulled him up against her chest. He screamed there, muffled by her shoulder, and shook.
Do you see? Her mind whispered. And they dare to call them animals?
She threaded her fingers into his hair, and cradled the back of his head.
“He loves you, he didn't want to leave you,” she said, her own voice breaking. Ed ground his forehead hard into her chest and his body jerked hard; he opened his mouth again to vent his anguish. Marta pulled him against her tighter. She wasn't sure how long they sat there. She waved a couple of cars by that slowed like they might stop to offer help. Eventually, she got to her feet, got her arms under his armpits and heaved upwards. After two attempts, she got him to stand.
She half carried him back through the trees, and got him into the house. When she started to guide him back to the sanctuary he dug in his heels and twisted to get away from her, so she got him to the couch in the living room instead. He fell over onto it and didn't move otherwise. Marta got a throw blanket and covered him with it, then knelt beside him on the floor. He watched her, but his eyes were dull now, his mouth flat and expressionless. She reached up slowly and laid her hand on his head, but there was no responding purr. It became evident after a while that he wasn't going to move, so she got up and went to take care of her hand. She returned to find he still hadn't moved, so she went and came back with a bowl of water and a cloth. She washed his face and arms; he didn't resist or respond. She stroked through his hair and kissed over his cheek. Finally she settled with her back to the couch and arms around her knees.
When it started to get dark outside, she got up and went to the kitchen, sliced up some apples, and came back and sat beside him again. She showed him the plate but he made no move to take it, so she settled back down to sit. After a bit she picked up a slice and rubbed it against his lips, but he didn't open them. She returned the slice to the plate and laid her head on the couch cushions, facing him. They studied each other for a long while, and Marta couldn't resist stroking his hair; it was how she'd always comforted him in the past.
She couldn't coax him back to his enclosure and she didn't want to leave him. She went and got a pillow from his enclosure and the blanket from his bed. He let her slide the pillow under his head and then immediately turned his face into it, breathing deeply and letting go of a shuddering whimper. He reached up and curled his finger into it, keeping his nose crushed to it. Marta covered him with the blanket, fighting tears, knowing the pillow must smell like Ling.
She got her own pillow and blanket, settled down on the floor next to the couch.
**
She woke to the sound of rustling in the morning. Ed was sitting up on the couch. He got to his feet and moved around it as Marta sat up. He disappeared into the living area of the house for a few minutes, then returned. Marta rubbed her eyes and started to get to her feet. She made the mistake of putting weight on her injured hand and hissed a bit, but got up, picked up the plate of browned apple slices, and went into the kitchen. Ed followed her after a moment, and hesitated in the doorway before coming across the floor to her. She turned to him and he walked into her arms, so she held him close and rubbed his back.
“Ed do you want some eggs? Do you want me to make you eggs? You can have some cheese, I'll make you toast too,” she told him.
He made not a sound, only rubbed his cheek on her shoulder. So she decided to make eggs for him anyway. She needed to get some food in him since she knew he hadn't eaten and dinner the night before. As she cooked he kept close, touching, almost clinging. She got him to sit at the table and put the plate in front of him. but he merely stared at it. She got him a glass of juice, and then sat opposite him.
“Ed,” she said softly, “I know you're hungry. Come on and eat a little, just a little, ok?”
Ed looked at her, soft and sad himself, then back down to the plate but turned his face away with a sigh and made no move to eat from it. She sat with him for a bit that way, until finally she leaned over and got some eggs on a fork and held them to his lips. His golden eyes were still a bit red and watery, and he just looked at her while she gently nudge his lips with the fork. He finally opened his mouth and took the eggs, looking away again. Marta tried to give him the fork but he refused to take it. So Marta tried again, offering him eggs and he took them. He ate slowly if she fed them to him, his eyes trained on her face.
He trailed along after her all day, almost as if he was afraid to let her out of his sight. He would not enter his enclosure...in fact he tried to avoid it all together. He stood hugging his elbows outside the Mustang enclosure when Marta went to take care of him. When she stood at the sink in the kitchen afterwards cleaning up, he stood behind her with his forehead resting on her back. That night when he followed her to bed she didn't have the heart to refuse him. He curled up as tight as he could and huddled against her, as she petted him and made soft sounds for him alone. Eventually he slept, but fitfully. He kept waking up, sitting up and looking around, before sighing heavily and settling again. Needless to say, neither of them got much sleep.
**
Ed was reverting. Some of the behaviors he'd left behind entirely were resurfacing at an alarming rate. He was given to bouts of hiding as well, and that puzzled Marta. But the most alarming thing that reared its ugly head again, very unbidden and very unwelcome, was his tendency toward bouts of uncontrolled anger.
Less than a week had gone by. Marta was still being overly indulgent and Ed was being markedly petulant. She noticed he continued to look, mostly when he thought she couldn't see him. He would mumble Ling's name between breaths and haunt the doorway of his enclosure but never enter. Marta got some magazines in the mail, one of them from a veterinary college, mostly medical research, and she wanted to read it before letting Ed have it to do with as he wished. Ed demanded it, kept holding his hand out for it as she flipped through the pages. She tried to distract him with a sales catalogue until she could get the veterinary magazine out of sight, (but not out of mind, never out of mind with Ed). He stiffened when she handed him the substitute, looked at it for a moment, and then snarled. Marta looked up at him in alarm. He gripped it with both hands and tore it, biting at it. Marta had stood wide eyed in stunned silence. He threw the magazine to the floor and glared at her, holding his hand out once again.
This had to stop. He could not be allowed to act this way.
“No, Ed,” Marta said. “You cannot have it until I am through.”
His breathing got heavy and he suddenly threw himself at her desk, sweeping it clean in fury. Pens and papers, her framed pictures and her stacked files went flying. Marta jumped back, mouth open; Ed slammed his hands hard on top of the desk and leaned over it, panting. Marta stood for a long moment wondering what to do, but then she went over and bent down, gathering up some of the files and standing again. Ed was watching her, his expression unreadable. Marta laid the files on her desk, and reached down to pick up her pictures. There was a picture of Leslie and Ed lying together on the couch. A picture of Adam taken when he escorted the Alphonse and Elric kitten to the private reserve. There was a picture of Ed and Ling, sleeping together on the nest of pillows that used to be in Ed's enclosure. She laid the pictures on the desk as well.
“Did that make you feel better?” she asked, and was surprised at the anger in her tone. Ed looked up at her, and sucked in his lower lip.
“I know you are sad and lonely and I know that you miss him. I miss him too. But this is not going to bring him back. You've come so far, you've accomplished so much. You've done things I thought you would never do. Ed, you are a fighter. You have been a fighter since you were just a kitten. Don't let them do this to you,” she pleaded.
Ed shoved off the desk then, stalked out of her office without a backward glance. He steered clear of her for the remainder of the day. She set his dinner out and then gave the Mustang his, finished up in her office, and that night she went to bed alone.
She woke to the shifting of the bed, the sudden presence of warmth at her back. She lay still and let him get comfortable. He pressed up against her and snuffled at her shoulder, and made a soft apologetic sound.
“It's alright,” she said softly. “I'm not angry with you Ed.” His hand slipped over her side and rested on her stomach, and she reached down and covered it with her own. He sighed behind her and buried his nose under her hair and against the back of her neck. Eventually she went back to sleep.
**
In the couple of months that followed Marta had ups and downs with Ed. He would show startling maturity and in the next moment throw a tantrum worthy of his six-year-old self. He would hold her at arm's length and then demand affection. It distressed her and alarmed her that he seemed shaken to his very core. His grip on his own emotions was becoming uncertain, his need for constant reassurance becoming a tiring thing. Ed in Ling's presence had been calm and unshakable, but now it seemed his whole foundation was rotting beneath him and he floundered gracelessly.
Marta walked out one day to go to the mailbox at the end of the road. She usually dropped off her mail in town when she went in to buy supplies each week, but she'd forgotten this letter. Ed was used to this routine and he continued to be used to it...her scheduled absences didn't phase him. But as she returned to the house she heard a horrendous noise, like a voice, screaming. It gave her feet wings, and she ran the rest of the way, jerking open the front door and rushing into the living room. Ed looked at her, eyes wild, and screeched and ran to her, throwing his arms around her.
“Ed? Ed what happened?” Marta tried to pry him off, to check for blood or a wound, but Ed shuddered and gripped harder. “Ed are you hurt? Ed show me!” Marta finally managed to wrestle him loose, and checked him over anxiously, examining his hands and other extremities. He seemed fine except for his obvious fright. She touched his face, reached up and stroked his head.
“Muh...Marta NO,” Ed said and almost convulsed, he grabbed her again. “NO Ling no Marta NO,” he sobbed. She hugged him to her tightly, trying to calm his shaking and puzzle out what he was trying to tell her.
“No Ed? Marta no?” she asked him, rubbing his back.
“No,” Ed sobbed. “No, no, no...STAY!” he finally got out and gasped.
He had come looking for her and not found her when she was supposed to be there. Even though she stood holding him in her arms, he still shook with terror.
“I will never leave you,” she told him. “I will never leave you alone, Ed.”
Because she knew that was what Ed feared the most. This terror was burned into his brain as a kitten, when his brother died and left him to that hell of a crate alone.
Ed was taking deep breaths; she knew he was trying to calm himself down, so she stood quietly and held him until he had composed himself.
“I walked to the mail box,” she explained. “But I should have told you I was leaving the house, I'll make sure to tell you next time.”
Ed studied her face, gave a very small nod and wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve.
ONWARDS TO PART TWO
Rating: NC-17 NOT WORK SAFE
Warnings: Bestiality [in a sense]
“Be careful,” she cried. “Don't crush his fingers!”
One of the men reached over and pried the fingers gripping the side of the board loose, shoved hard to get the hand back in the box and then he and the other two men pushed the final panel into place.
“Get this nailed shut,” the man barked to the last man standing on the sidelines. The man nodded and came over quickly with a couple of hammers and a box of nails. While two men leaned into the panel to hold it in place, the first man and the bystander began hammering nails into the panel to secure it.
Inside the box she heard heavy panting, frantic whines and banging. Abruptly the noise moved from one end of the box to the other. Fingers appeared out of the holes along the side of the box, cut there to act as ventilation.
She looked at the fingers as they poked through the holes. They gripped the side of the holes and pulled hard to no avail, then they'd disappear and reappear, and the noises coming from inside the box grew more desperate. Her feet carried her forward and before she knew it she reached up and laced two of her fingers through the fingers protruding through the hole.
“It's ok,” she tried to comfort the box's occupant. “No one is going to hurt you, you'll be all right,” she tried to soothe.
The fingers laced with hers tightened abruptly. She saw a flash in the hole next to them, dark and then white, a eye peering at her. The noises changed then, to pleading sounds, confused sounds.
“It's ok,” she repeated. “It's going to be ok, calm down.”
The men were finishing up and stepping back. One of them went to the truck and returned with heavy nylons straps in rolls. They began putting these around the box, threading them into metal catches to hold them in place.
“Does he have any water in there?” she asked. “What about feeding him? He'll need something to eat. Does he have any bedding?”
Why had she been such a coward when they'd first opened the box? Why hadn't she inspected it?
“He has bedding,” one of the men said, “and a supply of water in sipping bottles, you said he knew how to use them.”
“He does,” she said, her fingers still prisoner in his. Another hole was suddenly filled with fingers and she reached up to touch them as well. Both her hands were caught against the side of the shipping crate.
“You'll take care of him?” she asked, eyes getting a bit blurry. “He's scared, don't bang on the box to make him be quiet, just talk to him, ok?”
“It's our job to make sure he's delivered safe and sound,” the man said. “Don't worry, I'll oversee him personally, I know he means a lot to you.”
“He does,” she said, “but he means a lot more to someone else. I can't believe this is happening,” she ended faintly.
“I'm sure the Emperor is in your debt for taking such excellent care of him,” the man said, trying to be kind. “I don't know all the circumstances but I see you're having problems with this and I'm sorry.”
“Can you give me a few moments?” she asked. “Before you load him into the truck? I'm never going to see him again. I know you may think that is absurd since he is supposedly just an animal...”
“No,” the man said and waved his hand. “Go ahead, but we have a schedule, you can't make it long.”
He walked away then, calling his companions with him and they went over and milled around by the truck. She watched them for a second before turning back to the crate and her captured hands. She went on tiptoe to get her lips closer to the air holes.
“I'm sorry,” she said softly and she was answered in a way. The noises from inside were scratchy and frightened. The breathing was still heavy and uneven.
“I know you don't understand,” she continued. “But I fought, I fought so hard. I really tried and I'm still fighting, I don't think it will work. But I'm told you'll live in the palace gardens, that they take excellent care of the palace stock and you'll...you'll have opportunities for another mate.”
The fingers on hers tightened to the point of pain for a long moment, the sound inside was ragged and mournful. There was a heavy thump of a body through the wooden wall.
“He's never going to understand,” she said mostly to herself. “I know that you both can understand most things I tell you, but how do I explain this? I can't explain this when even I don't understand. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I won't stop trying while there still might be hope.”
She saw the man approaching and rushed ahead quickly.
“He loves you, I love you, please understand that at least, please understand this not my choice,” she squeezed his fingers. “Ling, be good ok? Be good Ling.”
The man stopped a respectful distance away and Marta took another deep breath, then worked her fingers free. Ling let out a high pleading sound and the box shook.
She stood back and watched as the four men loaded the shipping crate into the back of the truck and secured it. Then they got in and drove away, taking Ed's mate with them. Marta watched until they got to the end of the drive and turned down the street, grateful that the sound of the truck had drowned out the cries coming from the crate.
Inside the sanctuary, Ed was asleep in the enclosure he'd shared with his mate these last five years, another of her betrayals. Ed slept because of a mild sedative mixed with fruit salad and offered as a treat. She'd thought to spare him the separation, but now instead she wondered if she had robbed him of a chance to say goodbye.
She wondered if he would forgive her, because even though the circumstances were beyond her control, she wasn't likely to forgive herself.
**
She came in quietly, carrying a bottle of water, and went over to the low platform bed, half obscured by a screen against the far wall of the enclosure. She sat down on the edge of the bed near his head, and reached over to brush the long bangs off his cheek. Ed sighed heavily and his nose twitched; then he rubbed his face into the pillow and mumbled. She stroked her thumb over his cheek. His brown coat-pelt lay crumpled beside the bed where he had shrugged it off; his vest was unbuttoned along with the first few buttons of his under shirt of white.
“Ed?” she said softly, he stirred just a bit.
She set the water down on the floor next to the bed and leaned over him, lowering her cheek to his shoulder. He sighed and smacked his lips, and his nose twitched again. She lay there over him for a moment, wanting to protect him. He would wake up soon; he would be thirsty from the sedative. He would probably be hungry...he would probably look for his mate.
She got up again and looked around the room. It had changed a lot over these last five years. Ed's own maturity had demanded it. Gone was his hammock and the pillow nest and the toys. Now there was a sofa, plants, throw rugs...a desk and book shelves. The low framed bed and screen. Yard sale finds, donations and hand me downs. She and Leslie had even painted the walls a pastel green. Thinking of Leslie, (long since graduated and interning at the Southern Zoological Society), made her remember it was time to feed the Mustang.
She left Ed sleeping there, went into the kitchens and went through the routine of making up the Mustang's meal. When she delivered it to him, he regarded her mildly as he usually did, and didn't approach the pan until she'd left the enclosure. Marta and the Mustang had a mutual respect for one another. They never pushed just beyond that, and so it was nice that Leslie still came to visit him when she was in town.
She went back to Ed's enclosure, and lingered outside his picture window. She couldn't really see him sleeping on the bed, but she knew he was in there, alone. She was all to aware of the silence of the sanctuary. In a way she was glad there were no other animals in residence at the moment, other than the Mustang. She wasn't sure what was coming, but she was sure Ed would need her undivided attention for a while.
Restless, she went into her office. It used to be a storage room, but the addition of a storage shed through donations had freed up the space. She liked an office with a door because she could keep Ling out. Well, that wasn't much of a worry anymore, was it? She sat at her desk and looked through the mail that had come in the previous day, trying to sort it out. She flipped through the stack over and over again, not really seeing it. Her mind's eye was focused inward. He'd trusted her, he'd let her lead him out by the hand. He'd been baffled by the men and the box. He'd looked over his shoulder at her when two of the men bum rushed him into it. She'd just stood there and watched, just handed him over like he was nothing...nothing but an animal.
She dropped the mail on her desk and pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes. Ed had matured, he'd shed his red pelt! No adolescent Edward who was not pair-bonded in captivity had ever done that, no matter what his age. Why had Ed? Because of Ling. Because Ed had adapted, and Ling had facilitated whatever it was in Edward that caused him to advance his maturity. Marta had feared Edward would forever be red pelted and kittenish, unable to advance because he lacked a mate. Marta had even written it up and submitted it to the Institute and they had accepted it. Praised her innovative methods of rehabilitation. It hadn't been her, it had been Ling. Ling's persistence and ultimate winning over of a lonely, ostracized Elric. And she'd just handed him over, let them take him because she couldn't find a way to keep him. She couldn't find a way around it. She knew nothing of innovation.
She heard a noise out in the hall, a shuffling sound, and she uncovered her eyes and looked up. Ed appeared briefly in the doorway, rumpled and groggy, carrying the bottle of water she'd left by his bedside. He peered in at her, then looked around her office and made a soft inquiring noise. His 'name' for Ling. Marta covered her mouth. Ed tilted his head at her, his brow furrowed; he backed out of the doorway and sighed, and she heard him moving away. Again his voice carried Ling's name to her. When should she tell him? Should she stop him now or let him wander about, calling for a mate who would never answer?
When she got up and followed him out into the hallway, he stopped and turned to look back at her, offering her a bleary smile. She went up to him and gently took him by the shoulders, turned him and steered him back to his enclosure. She got him over to the bed and sat him down on it, sitting down beside him. His hair was loose and his bangs were mostly in his eyes; she tried to push them back, looking into his eyes to judge if he were truly awake at the moment. Ed sighed and leaned into her, snuffling into her shoulder, and she stroked the back of his head. She let him lean there for as long as he wanted. The top of his head was pressed against her cheek. He smelled sleep warm and clean.
After a bit he straightened back up and stretched, scratched though his hair and looked around a bit. His clouded look had faded and he kept looking around the enclosure. He slapped his knees and started to stand but Marta put her hand on his arm and he settled back down and looked at her.
“I have to tell you something Ed,” she said. “It's important.”
His eyebrow climbed a little and he turned toward her a bit, pulling his knees up on the bed. Marta reached out and took his hands, and he smiled, looking down as she ran her thumb over the back of his fingers.
“I don't know if you will understand everything I am going to tell you, but I am going to tell you everything. I'm going to try and explain what has happened.” She raised her eyes to his, and found him focused intently upon her.
“About three weeks ago I got a phone call,” she stared. “It was a request to visit the sanctuary, you know I get them a lot. You get to see all kinds of people. Well this time the people where special. One of them was a Xingian Prince. Do you know of Xing? That is the country Ling is from,” she told him. Edward might very well know with the amount of books and newspapers he read. Ed studied her face, his eyes bright and inquisitive.
“So you remember when those men came to the sanctuary? Not too long ago? You remember I made you and Ling take a bath. Then later those men came.” Ed gave a slight nod so Marta continued. “The Prince from Xing liked Ling a lot, he thought Ling should go back to Xing with him. He thought Ling would be happier in Xing. I tried to tell him that was not possible, because he was here with you and your mate.” She was simplifying it, because she really needed Ed to understand. “But a Prince is like a leader of people and when he says something then people obey him, and he decided that Ling should return to Xing.” There was no point in telling Ed that it was the lean of a diplomat. That the Emperor had seen Ling on television and in a burst of baffling patriotic feeling declared there should be no Lings outside of Xing. How did she explain that?
“While you were asleep,” Marta dropped her eyes and began rubbing the back of Ed's fingers harder, “some men came and took Ling back to Xing.” She went quiet and waited. After just a moment Ed made a sound, then another, and the sound became louder and his hands shook in hers. Marta slowly lifted her eyes to his face again, and he stared at her, his own eyes starting to look disbelieving and uncertain. This time the sound he made was Ling's name, and he pulled his hands out of her grasp and jumped to his feet. Marta watched him turn his head slowly. His eyes searched every inch of his enclosure, and he said Ling's name again in a low and questioning way. He then balled his fists and strode to the door, went into the hallway and called again. After a moment he walked down the hallway toward the infirmary, and she heard him call again.
Marta raised her hands to cover her ears, but she stopped herself. No, she deserved it and she couldn't leave Ed alone when he needed her most. She heard him calling throughout the sanctuary, she heard the door dividing the sanctuary from the house open and close and she just sat there. She shoved her hands under her thighs to keep them away from her head and waited. He had to realize, it had to sink in. The door dividing the house from the sanctuary opened again after a while, but now the footsteps were rushed and she heard Ed running back down the hall. Ling's name was no longer just a firm inquiry, it was a frightened cry. She heard him recheck all the rooms he'd checked on his first trip down the hall. She heard him in the infirmary calling over and over, and finally she saw him run by the picture window and appear in the doorway of his enclosure, panting slightly. He looked at her with large eyes, his fingers clenching and unclenching. Then he raised one, pointed at her shakily and said Ling's name in a harsh exhale.
“I'm sorry Ed,” Marta said. “He's gone, there was nothing I could do and I tried everything. I called everyone. I even tried to contact the Emperor myself. I tried not to leave any avenue unsearched, any stone unturned. I have written to the Emperor, but I don't know if he'll even see it.”
Ed made a sweeping gesture with his arm as if all of that meant nothing. He slammed the side of his balled fist into the door. He was panting and he pinned her with his gaze.
“LING,” he said very clearly and shook. He kept looking at her expectantly.
“I can't,” she said. “I can't bring him back Ed. Ling is gone.” Her mouth went dry, her heart started a bit in her chest. Was he doing what she thought he was doing?
Ed put his hands to either side of his head, gritting his teeth and struggling with himself. Marta remained sitting on the edge of the bed, hands folded in her lap. She watched him, ached for him, wanted to go to him. Marta did find her feet when Ed's control crumbled, and he keened loudly and then sobbed, eyes tearing up. But when she approached him his eyes snapped open, he snarled and swung his arm again to keep her away. Marta came to an uncertain halt.
“NO,” he said, jabbing his finger at her.
“LING,” he grated out, and his eyes demanded.
“I can't,” Marta said again, trying hard to be firm. “It won't work Ed. I can't do it.”
How sad, Marta thought, how fucking ironic. Something she'd always dreamed of Ed doing, something she'd tried to coax out of him, something she'd wheedled and bribed for and it never worked. But now, when she was delivering all this misery, he offered it freely. Marta suppose anyone just needed the right motivation. How appropriate that he gave this to her just as she had allowed his world to be taken away.
Ed had never spoken before.
They stood at a stand off for a moment. Marta's resolve crumbled first.
“Ed,” she said, her voice dropping to console him. “I'm sorry, please...” She moved forward and held her hands out, but he snarled at her and backed away, shook his head. He wouldn't allow her to approach him, touch him, even though she pursued him into the hall. He looked at her, his eyes taking on a cast that she hadn't seen since his kitten days.
“I did everything I could,” Marta said. “Please believe me, I didn't want this to happen.” She had worked long and hard to gain Ed's trust and she was terrified of losing it. “Ed, I loved Ling too, you don't think I'd just give him up that easily! I know what he meant to you, I would never hurt you willingly, you know that!”
He understood her, he understood every word out of her mouth. He always had, she knew it. Even if she'd been chuckled at and indulged by her colleagues. She knew it and here was her proof, and she should crow and congratulate herself...but instead she was fighting to keep something precious.
Ed tensed all over, then he broke and ran for the door dividing the sanctuary from the main house, slamming it behind him. She heard the doorknob rattle. He was... he was LOCKING THE DOOR! Her eyes widened in disbelief. Why would he lock the door? What could it possibly serve but to slow her down? There was a dead bolted door in the infirmary that lead outside, and he knew it. She could open it with the key she kept hidden. So why would he...?
Marta spun and ran into the infirmary. Jerked one of the drawers out of the medical cabinet and turned it over, heedless of its contents raining down onto her feet. She yanked off the key taped to the bottom and shoved an exam table out of her way, throwing herself against the door leading into the backyard. She almost dropped the key getting it into the lock.
She ran hard through the backyard, along the back of the house to the gate, slammed it open and ran for the front. She stopped at the corner of the house, panting ... the front door stood open and her heart pounded. She scanned the yard. The Sanctuary sat back from the road. The front yard disappeared into trees that effectively hid them from view and acted as a sound buffer to traffic. She started down the driveway - little more than beaten down dirt and grass - and her eyes darted left and right, looking for a flash of gold and brown and white.
She heard some rustling in the trees and immediately charged into them. The noises in front of her stilled for a moment, then took off to her left. She angled with them and then she saw him. It was now a chase. Ed was young and fast, but she was desperate and determined. Ed broke through the trees first, at the side of the main road. Marta's throat almost constricted but she forced it open.
“Stay away from the road!” she yelled at him, coming out of the trees behind him. “Ed, stay out of the road!” Ed had ridden in cars, seen cars, smelled cars, but he had no healthy fear of cars. Ed stared at her a moment and she threw her hand out toward him.
“Ed please! This isn't going to change anything! You can't find him, he went away in a truck! They have been gone a long time, you won't be able to find him on foot,” Marta implored. “Please come back to the house, there isn't anything for you out here!”
She could tell he was hovering on indecision, but he was tensed for flight and so she took the chance and charged him. He yelped and back pedaled, turned to run, and she tackled him. The both went crashing to the ground with her on top. Ed screeched and flailed, gnashed with his teeth and kicked with his legs.
“Stop it! Stop it Ed, calm down,” she cried, lying with all her weight on top of him, trying desperately to pin him. “This won't help Ling! He's gone, you can't help him. Ed look at me he's gone!” She made a grab for his chin but he ducked his head and his teeth sank into the flesh of her hand between her thumb and forefinger. She went still. Ed was snarling savagely and Marta made no move to try and pull her hand from his mouth. She watched him, watched as blood from broken skin trickled and ran down the side of her finger. He stilled, his breathing heavy and ragged. His golden eyes focused on her face and he slowly opened his mouth. Marta moved her hand then, drawing it back but she didn't bother with the bite, she'd had them before. Instead with her uninjured hand she reached up to touch his face.
When she touched his cheek he threw his head back and howled. It ran over her, it dragged at her soul. Ed was writhing under her again, but not trying to get away. This was grief. Such an honest and brutal display of emotion...it sought to overwhelm the very air around them. Marta moved off of him them, getting onto her knees at his side, then slid her arms around his shoulders and pulled him up against her chest. He screamed there, muffled by her shoulder, and shook.
Do you see? Her mind whispered. And they dare to call them animals?
She threaded her fingers into his hair, and cradled the back of his head.
“He loves you, he didn't want to leave you,” she said, her own voice breaking. Ed ground his forehead hard into her chest and his body jerked hard; he opened his mouth again to vent his anguish. Marta pulled him against her tighter. She wasn't sure how long they sat there. She waved a couple of cars by that slowed like they might stop to offer help. Eventually, she got to her feet, got her arms under his armpits and heaved upwards. After two attempts, she got him to stand.
She half carried him back through the trees, and got him into the house. When she started to guide him back to the sanctuary he dug in his heels and twisted to get away from her, so she got him to the couch in the living room instead. He fell over onto it and didn't move otherwise. Marta got a throw blanket and covered him with it, then knelt beside him on the floor. He watched her, but his eyes were dull now, his mouth flat and expressionless. She reached up slowly and laid her hand on his head, but there was no responding purr. It became evident after a while that he wasn't going to move, so she got up and went to take care of her hand. She returned to find he still hadn't moved, so she went and came back with a bowl of water and a cloth. She washed his face and arms; he didn't resist or respond. She stroked through his hair and kissed over his cheek. Finally she settled with her back to the couch and arms around her knees.
When it started to get dark outside, she got up and went to the kitchen, sliced up some apples, and came back and sat beside him again. She showed him the plate but he made no move to take it, so she settled back down to sit. After a bit she picked up a slice and rubbed it against his lips, but he didn't open them. She returned the slice to the plate and laid her head on the couch cushions, facing him. They studied each other for a long while, and Marta couldn't resist stroking his hair; it was how she'd always comforted him in the past.
She couldn't coax him back to his enclosure and she didn't want to leave him. She went and got a pillow from his enclosure and the blanket from his bed. He let her slide the pillow under his head and then immediately turned his face into it, breathing deeply and letting go of a shuddering whimper. He reached up and curled his finger into it, keeping his nose crushed to it. Marta covered him with the blanket, fighting tears, knowing the pillow must smell like Ling.
She got her own pillow and blanket, settled down on the floor next to the couch.
**
She woke to the sound of rustling in the morning. Ed was sitting up on the couch. He got to his feet and moved around it as Marta sat up. He disappeared into the living area of the house for a few minutes, then returned. Marta rubbed her eyes and started to get to her feet. She made the mistake of putting weight on her injured hand and hissed a bit, but got up, picked up the plate of browned apple slices, and went into the kitchen. Ed followed her after a moment, and hesitated in the doorway before coming across the floor to her. She turned to him and he walked into her arms, so she held him close and rubbed his back.
“Ed do you want some eggs? Do you want me to make you eggs? You can have some cheese, I'll make you toast too,” she told him.
He made not a sound, only rubbed his cheek on her shoulder. So she decided to make eggs for him anyway. She needed to get some food in him since she knew he hadn't eaten and dinner the night before. As she cooked he kept close, touching, almost clinging. She got him to sit at the table and put the plate in front of him. but he merely stared at it. She got him a glass of juice, and then sat opposite him.
“Ed,” she said softly, “I know you're hungry. Come on and eat a little, just a little, ok?”
Ed looked at her, soft and sad himself, then back down to the plate but turned his face away with a sigh and made no move to eat from it. She sat with him for a bit that way, until finally she leaned over and got some eggs on a fork and held them to his lips. His golden eyes were still a bit red and watery, and he just looked at her while she gently nudge his lips with the fork. He finally opened his mouth and took the eggs, looking away again. Marta tried to give him the fork but he refused to take it. So Marta tried again, offering him eggs and he took them. He ate slowly if she fed them to him, his eyes trained on her face.
He trailed along after her all day, almost as if he was afraid to let her out of his sight. He would not enter his enclosure...in fact he tried to avoid it all together. He stood hugging his elbows outside the Mustang enclosure when Marta went to take care of him. When she stood at the sink in the kitchen afterwards cleaning up, he stood behind her with his forehead resting on her back. That night when he followed her to bed she didn't have the heart to refuse him. He curled up as tight as he could and huddled against her, as she petted him and made soft sounds for him alone. Eventually he slept, but fitfully. He kept waking up, sitting up and looking around, before sighing heavily and settling again. Needless to say, neither of them got much sleep.
**
Ed was reverting. Some of the behaviors he'd left behind entirely were resurfacing at an alarming rate. He was given to bouts of hiding as well, and that puzzled Marta. But the most alarming thing that reared its ugly head again, very unbidden and very unwelcome, was his tendency toward bouts of uncontrolled anger.
Less than a week had gone by. Marta was still being overly indulgent and Ed was being markedly petulant. She noticed he continued to look, mostly when he thought she couldn't see him. He would mumble Ling's name between breaths and haunt the doorway of his enclosure but never enter. Marta got some magazines in the mail, one of them from a veterinary college, mostly medical research, and she wanted to read it before letting Ed have it to do with as he wished. Ed demanded it, kept holding his hand out for it as she flipped through the pages. She tried to distract him with a sales catalogue until she could get the veterinary magazine out of sight, (but not out of mind, never out of mind with Ed). He stiffened when she handed him the substitute, looked at it for a moment, and then snarled. Marta looked up at him in alarm. He gripped it with both hands and tore it, biting at it. Marta had stood wide eyed in stunned silence. He threw the magazine to the floor and glared at her, holding his hand out once again.
This had to stop. He could not be allowed to act this way.
“No, Ed,” Marta said. “You cannot have it until I am through.”
His breathing got heavy and he suddenly threw himself at her desk, sweeping it clean in fury. Pens and papers, her framed pictures and her stacked files went flying. Marta jumped back, mouth open; Ed slammed his hands hard on top of the desk and leaned over it, panting. Marta stood for a long moment wondering what to do, but then she went over and bent down, gathering up some of the files and standing again. Ed was watching her, his expression unreadable. Marta laid the files on her desk, and reached down to pick up her pictures. There was a picture of Leslie and Ed lying together on the couch. A picture of Adam taken when he escorted the Alphonse and Elric kitten to the private reserve. There was a picture of Ed and Ling, sleeping together on the nest of pillows that used to be in Ed's enclosure. She laid the pictures on the desk as well.
“Did that make you feel better?” she asked, and was surprised at the anger in her tone. Ed looked up at her, and sucked in his lower lip.
“I know you are sad and lonely and I know that you miss him. I miss him too. But this is not going to bring him back. You've come so far, you've accomplished so much. You've done things I thought you would never do. Ed, you are a fighter. You have been a fighter since you were just a kitten. Don't let them do this to you,” she pleaded.
Ed shoved off the desk then, stalked out of her office without a backward glance. He steered clear of her for the remainder of the day. She set his dinner out and then gave the Mustang his, finished up in her office, and that night she went to bed alone.
She woke to the shifting of the bed, the sudden presence of warmth at her back. She lay still and let him get comfortable. He pressed up against her and snuffled at her shoulder, and made a soft apologetic sound.
“It's alright,” she said softly. “I'm not angry with you Ed.” His hand slipped over her side and rested on her stomach, and she reached down and covered it with her own. He sighed behind her and buried his nose under her hair and against the back of her neck. Eventually she went back to sleep.
**
In the couple of months that followed Marta had ups and downs with Ed. He would show startling maturity and in the next moment throw a tantrum worthy of his six-year-old self. He would hold her at arm's length and then demand affection. It distressed her and alarmed her that he seemed shaken to his very core. His grip on his own emotions was becoming uncertain, his need for constant reassurance becoming a tiring thing. Ed in Ling's presence had been calm and unshakable, but now it seemed his whole foundation was rotting beneath him and he floundered gracelessly.
Marta walked out one day to go to the mailbox at the end of the road. She usually dropped off her mail in town when she went in to buy supplies each week, but she'd forgotten this letter. Ed was used to this routine and he continued to be used to it...her scheduled absences didn't phase him. But as she returned to the house she heard a horrendous noise, like a voice, screaming. It gave her feet wings, and she ran the rest of the way, jerking open the front door and rushing into the living room. Ed looked at her, eyes wild, and screeched and ran to her, throwing his arms around her.
“Ed? Ed what happened?” Marta tried to pry him off, to check for blood or a wound, but Ed shuddered and gripped harder. “Ed are you hurt? Ed show me!” Marta finally managed to wrestle him loose, and checked him over anxiously, examining his hands and other extremities. He seemed fine except for his obvious fright. She touched his face, reached up and stroked his head.
“Muh...Marta NO,” Ed said and almost convulsed, he grabbed her again. “NO Ling no Marta NO,” he sobbed. She hugged him to her tightly, trying to calm his shaking and puzzle out what he was trying to tell her.
“No Ed? Marta no?” she asked him, rubbing his back.
“No,” Ed sobbed. “No, no, no...STAY!” he finally got out and gasped.
He had come looking for her and not found her when she was supposed to be there. Even though she stood holding him in her arms, he still shook with terror.
“I will never leave you,” she told him. “I will never leave you alone, Ed.”
Because she knew that was what Ed feared the most. This terror was burned into his brain as a kitten, when his brother died and left him to that hell of a crate alone.
Ed was taking deep breaths; she knew he was trying to calm himself down, so she stood quietly and held him until he had composed himself.
“I walked to the mail box,” she explained. “But I should have told you I was leaving the house, I'll make sure to tell you next time.”
Ed studied her face, gave a very small nod and wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve.
ONWARDS TO PART TWO