Ain't No Particular Sign, Kurt/New Directions, PG-13
Title: Ain't No Particular Sign
Author: skintightsocks
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kurt/New Directions (implied Kurt/Brittany, Kurt/Santana, Kurt/Mercedes, Kurt/Puck, Kurt/Tina, Kurt/Artie, Kurt/Quinn, Kurt/Mike, Kurt/Matt, Kurt/Rachel, Kurt/Finn)
Word Count: 5,600+
Summary: "What she's trying to say," Santana tells him, "is that Brittany speaks very highly of your kissing skills. And my girl doesn't lie. I don't know if she knows how, actually." AKA: Brittany says Kurt's a good kisser and then everyone in New Directions wants a piece. Aww yeah.
Spoilers: None
Warnings Situations which could be viewed as dubcon, though consent is present.
Author Notes: Title is from the song "Kiss" by Prince, because we are nothing if not original. Also, we're aware that Finn and Rachel weren't together post-Theatricality/pre-Journey to Regionals, which is when this is set. We'll call that "AU" and not "we get really excited chatficcing people kissing Kurt and then don't want to deal with our own logical fallacies." Sounds better that way! :D!
"Best kisser?" Santana asks, and Kurt glances up from his magazine. They're waiting for Mr. Schuester to show up, and Brittany and Santana are playing their own perverted game of show and tell. This one, though, Kurt's actually interested in for once.
"Kurt," Brittany says. "Totally."
"Oh, be serious," Santana says, and Kurt almost speaks up to defend himself, but he sees Santana turn to stare at him and darts his eyes back down to his magazine.
"I am serious," Brittany says. "His lips tasted like candy and they were softer than my cat's fur."
"But Kurt?" Santana says, still incredulous.
"I'm telling you," Brittany says. "I know he's gay again, but if he ever wants more lady kisses I am so there."
"Hmm," Santana says, and when Kurt glances back up, she's staring at him like she wants to eat him. Oh crap.
-
Santana
Oh crap. Santana has him backed into the corner of the locker room and Brittany's staring over her shoulder, smiling happily. "I told Santana how you rocked my curls."
"It's world, Brit, he rocked your world," Santana says distractedly, her fingers stroking under the collar of Kurt's Cheerios uniform. "What she's trying to say," Santana tells him, "is that Brittany speaks very highly of your kissing skills. And my girl doesn't lie. I'm not sure if she knows how, actually."
"That's nice," Kurt says. "We're going to be late."
"Not if you don't struggle," Santana says, and Kurt's about to ask what that means when Santana leans in and presses her very red, very much attached-to-a-girl lips against his.
"Mmmph," Kurt says, trying to pull back, but Santana is deceptively strong, and Brittany's still smiling at Kurt over her shoulder, like this is totally normal.
"Hummel," Santana huffs, pulling back, "you have to kiss back or else I can't judge."
"If I kiss you, will you let me go?" Kurt asks.
"Of course," Santana smiles. "We're all friends here, it's just a little curiosity between us girls, right?"
"This is absurd," Kurt mutters as Santana leans back in, but he figures it's better to get it over with because Santana doesn't seem like she's letting go of this.
It's not terrible, really, and Santana clearly knows what she's doing, so Kurt lets her guide the kiss until she starts to lick at his bottom lip.
"Nope," he says, pulling back. "Nope, no tongue."
"Ugh, fine," Santana says, rolling her eyes and spinning around so quickly that her ponytail slaps Kurt in the face.
"Well?" Brittany asks, holding out her pinkie.
"You were right," Santana says, linking their fingers together and guiding Brittany out of the locker room.
-
Mercedes
Two days later, he's in the process of painting Mercedes's toenails when she suddenly says, "Why didn't you come to me?"
"About what?" Kurt asks. Mercedes has very small toenails, it's much harder than painting his own.
"When you needed someone to make out with in your misguided effort to make your dad think you're straight," Mercedes says, point blank.
Kurt paints a line up her middle toe.
"I'm just saying, I'd be the obvious choice. You want to get your lady on and you go to Brittany? It kind of hurt."
"I just thought, what with our shared history of delusions, that it might hit a little too close to home," Kurt says, dipping a q-tip in remover and cleaning the polish off of her skin.
"Kurt, please, I'm so over that I'm under it," she says.
"That doesn't make sense," Kurt points out.
"Whatever. Brittany was bad enough, but Santana? Really? Do you know she was bragging about it in glee today? When you left with Mr. Schue to go get the sheet music, she wouldn't shut up about how her new mission in life was to turn gay guys bi-curious."
"She what?" Kurt yelps.
"Yep," Mercedes says. "Girl kissed and told anyone who would listen."
"Oh great," Kurt sighs. "Just what I need."
"Why did you even kiss her?" Mercedes asks, swinging her feet to the floor.
"Careful, that's still wet," Kurt says.
"Yeah, yeah, answer the question."
"Brittany, apparently, thinks I'm a good kisser. So Santana tried to verify that. With her tongue."
"Well her tongue approved," Mercedes says pointedly.
"Mercedes, come on," Kurt says. "Do you really want me to be your first kiss?"
"Yes," Mercedes says, quickly adding, "and not because of any leftover misguided feelings, just because you're my best friend. I figure what better way to learn? Besides, apparently you've got skills."
Kurt laughs, rolling his eyes, and moves his pedicure basket to the floor. "Okay," he says, "but if this makes things weird--"
"It won't," Mercedes says, "but no blaming me if I turn you straight. This is a lot to handle."
Kurt laughs, and he's still laughing when Mercedes leans in and presses her lips to his, quick and a little off center. Kurt brings his hand to her face, tilting her head gently so they can find a better angle, and then their lips slide together easily. Mercedes is hesitant at first, not really moving her lips, but she gets the hang of it after a few seconds, moving her lips against his.
It's nice. It's not particularly sexy, but Kurt kind of likes kissing, even if it's for purely recreational purposes, and Mercedes is the one who pulls back, jokingly fanning her face and letting out a low whistle.
"Well?" Kurt asks with a grin.
"Brittany wasn't wrong," Mercedes says, leaning in and pecking him on the cheek. "Thanks, Kurt," she says into his ear, and Kurt pulls her into a hug.
"No thanks necessary," he says, pulling back. "Now get your feet back up here, it's time for top-coat."
-
Puck
"So," Puck says the next day in the locker room, slamming his hands against the locker beside Kurt's head and effectively caging him in.
"Can we make this quick?" Kurt sighs. "I've got somewhere to be."
"You don't even know what I want," Puck says, sounding offended.
"I'm so sorry, Puckerman," Kurt says. "How could I cast such aspersions on your character?"
"I'm not sure what that means," Puck says, "but shut up and listen."
"Fine," Kurt says, cocking his hip out and trying to look as bored as possible.
"So I'm hooking up with Santana last night, right?" Puck says, and Kurt grimaces.
"Don't you have guy friends for this kind of thing?" Kurt asks.
"Just listen," Puck says. "So we're going at it, right, and all of a sudden she starts talking about you."
"That... is the last thing I expected you to say," Kurt says.
"Yeah, well, it didn't exactly keep the mood for me either," Puck says. "She kept going on and on about your lips and how if I was just a little more open-minded I could learn a thing or two, and--"
"Wait," Kurt says, his eyes going wide. "Wait, are you about to ask if you can kiss me?"
"No!" Puck says, dropping his eyes. "Maybe. Yes."
"I can not believe this is happening," Kurt says, biting his lip against a laugh.
"Look, if the Puckmeister can improve his skills, he's gonna improve his skills, okay?" Puck says defensively. And Kurt can't help it, he starts laughing, loudly, wheezing for breath.
"So are we gonna kiss or not?" Puck asks, shifting from foot to foot.
"I cannot believe this is my life right now," Kurt says.
"Well?" Puck asks.
"Oh, fine," Kurt says, because he has to admit, it's not like he hasn't thought about it, even if it was mostly in a very, very guilty hate sex kind of way. Besides, if he doesn't take this chance, he may very well graduate high school never having kissed a boy, and he figures that Puck will be ashamed enough to keep quiet about this and not make Kurt's life even worse.
"Okay. Alright," Puck says, dropping his arms and shaking his shoulders out. "No gay stuff though, you got that, Hummel?"
"The irony of that statement," Kurt says, rolling his eyes. There's an awkward moment where they both move forward and pull back, but then Kurt rolls his eyes and tilts his head back, letting his eyelids flutter closed.
It only takes a second or two for Puck to move in, his hand on the back of Kurt's head and his breath hot against Kurt's lips. "Okay," Puck says quietly, and then his lips are on Kurt's.
Puck's lips are rough and chapped, and his hand is big and warm on the back of Kurt's head, and Kurt thinks, oh, because this is what it's like to kiss a boy. A very insistent, hurried boy, but a boy nonetheless.
"Slow down," Kurt says against Puck's lips. Puck does, hesitantly, and Kurt hums his approval. "Soft," he says, "like this," and then he's moving his lips gently against Puck's. Puck deepens the kiss after a while, parting his lips, and then his hand slides down from Kurt's head, skimming down his spine in a way that makes Kurt's stomach tingle. And then Puck grabs his ass.
"Hey," Kurt yelps, jerking back as much as he can when he's pretty much pinned between Puck and the lockers.
"What?" Puck asks, stepping back and crossing his arms across his chest.
"I thought you said no gay stuff," Kurt says, raising an eyebrow.
"Whatever," Puck says. "Your lips are soft like a girl's, I got confused."
"I bet you did," Kurt says with a smirk, stepping forward and grabbing his bag.
"I didn't even learn anything," Puck grumbles.
"Uh huh," Kurt says, putting a little spring in his step as he walks to the door, just to piss Puck off. "You have a nice night, now, Noah."
-
Tina
Kurt's on his way to the choir room the next day when a hand reaches out of the Astronomy classroom and jerks him inside.
"Hey," Kurt says, rounding on whatever neanderthal's decided to mess with him today, and oh. The neanderthal is Tina.
"Hi Kurt," she says sweetly, smiling at him.
"Hello Tina," he says nervously as she walks toward him, backing him up against the wall.
"So," she says, leaning in close. "I hear you're giving it away for free."
"Tina," Kurt says, giving her his most judgmental face.
"Well!" she says.
"Okay, I guess you're kind of right," Kurt says. "I didn't mean to."
"Hey, I'm not judging," Tina says. "I just want in on the action."
"What about Artie?" Kurt says, his voice raising nervously.
"He's cool with it," Tina says. "In fact, I'm pretty sure he wants to try."
"Oh, well then," Kurt says, and he didn't mean for that to be permission but that's clearly how Tina takes it, because she's leaning and kissing him, intent and wet. Kurt's surprised how her kisses are even more forceful than Santana's, and it's not bad, exactly, but it is a little unsettling. She brings her hands up to rest on his shoulders as she tilts her head, sliding her tongue along the seam of Kurt's lips.
"Oompf," Kurt says, and Tina pulls back, biting at Kurt's lip in the process. She grins widely at him and licks her bottom lip.
"Oh my," Kurt says.
"Yeah," Tina says. "Tell your friends."
"You guys are my friends," Kurt points out, sliding out from between Tina and the wall before she decides to go back for seconds.
"Oh, right," Tina says. "Whatever. By the way, Puck was right. Your lips are soft."
"Puck was. Puck was what?" Kurt mumbles to himself, because this is not good. This is not good at all.
"See you in glee!" Tina calls over her shoulder as she slips out the door.
-
Artie
Nothing too embarrassing happens during glee, but Kurt definitely gets stares from pretty much everyone in the room, and it makes him want to fidget.
He plants himself in his chair and waits for the room to clear out before he stands up to leave, just in case anyone tries to accost him, and he's not proud of the yelp he lets out when he opens the door and almost trips over Artie's chair.
"Hey Kurt," Artie says, waving.
"Not you too," Kurt sighs.
"I don't have to!" Artie says. "Well, I mean, Tina says I have to, and I guess I am kind of curious, but if you don't want to--"
"You know," Kurt says, "fuck it. Since apparently kissing is me is the cool new thing, might as well, right? At least you're the right gender and I don't actually hate you."
"Cool," Artie says, a little awkwardly. "I think."
"Should I kneel or bend?" Kurt asks.
"Bending's cool," Artie says. "Unless you want to make out."
"Bending works," Kurt says. "No offense."
"Oh, none taken," Artie says.
Kurt bends down, and it's awkward, at first, trying to figure out how to angle his head, but then Artie tips his head back and Kurt leans in, pressing his lips softly to Artie's. Artie's not hesitant, but he's not insistent either. He mostly just lets Kurt kiss him and moves his lips in return, and it's nice. It doesn't set off any fireworks, but it's still kissing - still kissing a boy - and Kurt smiles against Artie's lips before he pulls away.
"That was really nice, actually," Artie says.
"I concur," Kurt says. "Need me to wheel you out to the parking lot?"
"If you don't mind," Artie says. "I kind of told my dad glee ran long so I could kiss you, he's been waiting."
-
Quinn
Kurt has a blessedly kiss free weekend, and so he's honestly not expecting it when Quinn hooks her finger into the strap of his bag and leads him to the girl's bathroom first thing Monday morning.
"Is this a skin care emergency again?" Kurt asks, even though he knows it's not.
"No," Quinn says, leaning back against the door. "But thanks for that moisturizer, it's done wonders."
"Your pregnancy glow has done wonders all its own for your complexion," Kurt says, laughing nervously.
"You know what else pregnancy has done to me, Kurt?" Quinn asks, tilting her head and looking at him in a way that makes Kurt want to bolt for the door. Quinn can be kind of scary.
"Made you a kinder and gentler person?" Kurt tries.
"Hardly," Quinn says with a laugh. "It's made me horny, Kurt."
"Oh," Kurt sputters.
"We all see what happened last time I indulged those kinds of feelings," Quinn says, gesturing to her stomach. "I figure at least with you, there's very little chance of you knocking me up."
"Well, yes," Kurt says. "Seeing as how I'm gay and also you're already pregnant."
"Exactly," Quinn says. "So given that my pregnancy hormones are going bonkers and you're a safe outlet," Quinn says, her voice getting lower and lower as she steps toward Kurt. "It's the logical choice. Besides, even Artie's talking about what a good kisser you are."
"How nice," Kurt says, his voice thin, and he wants to back up, he does, but he has nowhere to go. Plus, Quinn is scary.
"Mmm-hmm," Quinn says, putting her hands on Kurt's shoulders and tilting her head up, and as soon as she presses her lips to Kurt's she's kissing him deep and surprisingly dirty.
Kurt considers pulling away, but again, scary, so he lets Quinn slide her tongue into his mouth and suck at his bottom lip.
"Put your hands in my hair," Quinn says, breathless as she pulls away.
"I don't really think--"
"Hands, Kurt," she says, leaning back in, and Kurt tentatively brings his hands up, sliding them into Quinn's hair. Her hair is soft, at least, and it smells like fruit, and Kurt supposes it could be worse, even if Quinn is biting at his lip.
"Okay," Quinn says after what feels like an hour but was probably only a few minutes. Her cheeks are flushed and she's grinning, and Kurt actually feels kind of proud of himself, like he's done something good by making out with Quinn Fabray in the girl's bathroom.
"You can leave now," Quinn says after a second. "I need to fix my braid."
"Right," Kurt says. Quinn pats him on the shoulder and turns to the mirror, and Kurt sighs and heads back into the hall. In the past eight days, he has officially kissed 3/4ths of the glee club. Kurt doesn't exactly feel ashamed, but he's not entirely proud either. Mostly he's just confused and a little amazed that in the course of a week he's gone from one kiss to seven, a few of which were actually pretty enjoyable.
Besides, now he has blackmail material on Noah Puckerman for life. Things could be worse.
-
Mike
Mike Chang, of all people, catches Kurt's wrist and pulls him around the back of the gym on their way back from a truly humiliating game of dodge ball.
"Sorry about kicking that ball into your head," he says. "It really was a mistake. I was aiming for Puck."
"It's okay," Kurt says. "Dodge balls are much softer than baseballs, and I got nailed with one of those last week."
"Ouch," Mike says, wincing.
"Soooo," Kurt says, because he's pretty sure Mike didn't just take him back here to apologize for a badly aimed kick.
"It's just," Mike starts, "everyone keeps talking about it and you have really nice lips, I've always thought so, but I don't want you to feel like I'm using you. So, uh, here," he says, bending down and plucking one of the little yellow flowers growing around the back of the gym.
He hands it to Kurt with an earnest grin, and Kurt's always had a little bit of a crush on Mike. It's his eyes, and it didn't hurt how enthusiastic he was to learn the Single Ladies dance earlier that year. Kurt couldn't help but appreciate a football player with an interest in the performing arts. Kurt smiles and stretches up on his tiptoes, bracing his hands on Mike's shoulders and kissing him. Mike's hands slide under Kurt's jacket and settle around Kurt's waist, helping him keep his balance, and he kisses Kurt soft and sweet. His hands are big and warm and his fingers are stroking at Kurt's back over his shirt. It feels kind of ticklish, but in a good way. Mike doesn't try to use his tongue, or even part his lips that much, really, and Kurt keeps kissing him until his calves start to shake and he has to fall back down on his feet.
Mike leans down after him, chasing his lips, and Kurt's maybe swooning, just a little. Mike seems to realize what he's doing on the way down, though, suddenly straightening back up and shaking his head a little.
"So, um," he says, scuffing at the ground with his sneaker. "Thanks?"
"You're welcome. Thanks for the flower," Kurt says, smiling at him and pinching off some of the stem so he can put it through the buttonhole of his jacket.
Mike smiles and nods, bouncing a little on his feet before he turns to leave. Kurt takes a second to lean back against the wall of the gym, just until his stomach stops feeling so fluttery.
-
Matt
Kurt's not exactly surprised when he sees Matt leaning against his car.
"Look," he says as Kurt approaches. "Mike maybe mentioned that he kissed you, and since everyone else has, you know, I just thought--"
"Yeah, yeah," Kurt sighs, leaning back against the driver side door and taking a quick look around the parking lot. "Let's hurry this up before hockey practice gets out and the parking lot is flooded with cro-mags. No offense."
"Cool," Matt says, smiling. "None taken. So do I just--?" he asks, stepping in front of Kurt and motioning toward Kurt's mouth.
"That's the idea," Kurt says, smiling a little. Matt's standing almost a foot away from him and he leans in, rocking forward on his feet and pecking Kurt on the lips.
"Really?" Kurt asks. "That's it?"
"Did Mike do it better?" Matt asks.
"Well, he actually kissed me," Kurt says. "I didn't know this was a competition."
"I'm very competitive," Matt says, taking a step forward and putting his hand on Kurt's face before he leans down and kisses Kurt, deep and intense. Kurt's not exactly close to Matt, and it's not like he had any expectations, but Matt's lips are soft and his hand is moving into Kurt's hair, and Kurt starts to kiss him back more enthusiastically, tilting his head back so Matt can kiss him a little deeper.
Kurt hears a door slam open in the distance and a loud, obnoxious whoop, and he pushes at Matt's chest, making him step back. "Hockey goons," Kurt explains a little breathlessly when Matt looks at him, confused.
"Oh, right," Matt says. "So, um. Who was better, me or Mike?"
Kurt laughs, a little breathlessly, and glances down at the mostly wilted flower tucked into his buttonhole. "Tie," he says, patting Matt on the cheek and unlocking his car door.
-
The next day, when he walks into glee, he's immediately accosted by a very angry Rachel Berry.
"Matt texted Mike who texted Puck who texted Santana who accidentally included me on a text mocking me for being the only person in glee club who hasn't kissed you," Rachel says, matter of factly. "I'd like to know why you're shunning me."
"I'm not shunning you," Kurt says. "It's not like I've been kissing people. They've been kissing me, thank you very much."
"Wait," Finn says. "Wait, you guys were serious about all that?"
"Duh, Hudson," Santana says. "I don't lie about my conquests."
"What the hell," Finn says, looking back between Kurt and the rest of the club. "Is there anyone here besides me and Rachel who hasn't kissed Kurt?"
"Nope," Kurt says, only taking a little bit of pleasure in how annoyed Finn seems to be getting.
"He's a good kisser, dude," Mike says from the back row. "You should try it."
"Preach," Artie says.
"Whatever," Finn says, crossing his arms. "Maybe Rachel and I just aren't perverts like the rest of you."
"No, I just didn't realize all I had to do was ask," Rachel says.
"Well," Mr. Schuester says from the doorway, looking a little shocked. "How about we all sit down while I try to pretend I didn't hear any of that."
-
Rachel and Finn
It's not like Kurt hadn't noticed that he hadn't kissed Finn. He doesn't spend as much time as he used to thinking about Finn, of course, but crushes die hard, even when the guy you like essentially sets fire to them and then spits on their remains. Things are still awkward between them after the whole roommate debacle, despite Finn's gesture of Gaga-related goodwill. Which is why he's a little surprised when he gets home from the mall and heads down the steps to his room only to find Finn and Rachel sitting on his bed.
Well, he's surprised about Finn. He was kind of expecting Rachel, at some point.
"Hello, Kurt," Rachel says.
"Burt let us in," Finn says, shrugging awkwardly. "Rachel said I had to be here."
"And why are you here, Rachel?" Kurt asks, setting his bag down and perching on the arm of his sofa.
"To kiss you, unless your not including me really was intentional and you just didn't want to shame me in front of the club, which I thank you for. It would probably bring down morale."
"It wasn't," Kurt says. "I promise it was not intentional. Well, not on your part," he says to Rachel, glancing at Finn before he can stop himself.
"What does that mean?" Finn asks.
"It means what you think it means, Finn," Kurt sighs. "If I had just come up to you and tried to kiss you, you probably would have punched me in the face. Not that I would ever do that, for all you'll believe me," Kurt says. He's getting defensive, and he can hear himself getting snippy at the end, but Finn doesn't look mad. Mostly just hurt.
"Kurt, I would never punch you, jesus," Finn says. "I thought--"
"It's fine, Finn," Kurt says. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"Right, well, that's very good," Rachel says. "You should kiss me now."
"Uh," Kurt says, glancing at Finn. "Are you okay with this?"
"Everyone else is doing it," Finn says. "Besides, it's not like you're gonna steal her, you're gay."
"Excellent deductive logic, Finn," Kurt says, smiling a little to himself at Finn's confused face.
"Then come here, I guess," Kurt says to Rachel.
"No, you come here," Rachel says, standing up and patting her space on the bed. "I like to be on top."
"On top? Rachel, we're not--"
"I know we're not having sex, Kurt, but I've found that my natural leadership extends to kissing, as well. I do my best work when the guy's lying down and I'm on top," Rachel explains, like what she's saying isn't totally crazy.
"I'm not sure I'm okay with making out with you in front of your boyfriend and my possible future step-brother," Kurt says. "Besides, I thought the point of all this kissing was that I was a good kisser and people wanted in."
"Wait, really?" Finn says, tilting his head and staring at Kurt.
"Yes, really, and thanks for that vote of confidence, by the way," Kurt says, rolling his eyes.
"It started that way, but by the time Mike and Matt went after you it was mostly just people feeling excluded. And I think Quinn was just horny," Rachel says.
"Yep," Kurt says. "It was a little scary."
"I promise I'm very gentle. Tell him, Finn," Rachel says, turning and smiling at him.
"Sometimes she bites," Finn says. "But usually, yeah. I'd just go with it, she's gonna talk you into it eventually, going along from the start saves time."
"He's right," Rachel says, gesturing grandly to Kurt's bed.
"Fine," Kurt says, walking over and situating himself against the pillows. "Let's get this over with."
"Don't be rude," Rachel says, straddling him as soon as he's settled in. Rachel in his lap is awkward enough, but it's even more awkward that Finn is still just sitting there next to them, watching with big eyes. "Just because you're not sexually attracted to me doesn't mean this can't be fun."
Kurt's going to tell her that he's quite aware of that, but then Rachel's leaning down and kissing him, softly but confidently. She is a good kisser, actually, as much as Kurt hates to admit it, and it's not turning him on or anything, but Kurt likes the way it feels, the weight of another body on top of him. He thinks he could be into this, into someone wiggling on top of him and stroking their hands through his hair and nibbling on his bottom lip, and whoa, wait, when did that happen?
"Rachel," Kurt gasps, pulling away from her lips. "I think that's--"
Rachel just tilts her head, kissing under his jaw and down his neck, and oh. That actually feels good. Rachel bites, gently, at Kurt's collarbone, and he lets out a gasp, and then suddenly Rachel's not on top of him anymore.
"That's enough of that," Finn says, and when Kurt looks over he's got Rachel around the waist, holding her up.
"Hey," Rachel says. "I thought you said you were okay with me kissing him."
"Kissing him, not molesting him."
"I was not--"
"You kind of were," Kurt says, his voice a little breathless. He's still reclined against the pillows and he can feel the flush in his cheeks, and seriously, what the hell, how is it that Rachel Berry was his best kiss so far?
"Yeah, and what the hell, dude?" Finn asks him. "I thought you were gay, you seemed kind of into that."
"Sexuality is a very fluid thing, Finn," Rachel explains, wiggling out of his arms and fixing her twisted sweater. "I've been trying to explain that to you."
"Good luck," Kurt says, rolling his eyes.
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Finn snaps.
"I'm just saying, Finn, you're not exactly the most open-minded guy I know. I mean, hell, in his own way, Puck is more accepting than you."
"That's not true," Finn says.
"He was the first guy who asked to kiss me," Kurt says, "and he grabbed my ass. But I don't know if he's telling people that."
"He said you grabbed his," Rachel supplies helpfully. "I didn't believe him."
"Thank you," Kurt says.
"That doesn't prove anything," Finn says.
"It kind of does," Rachel says. "I mean, Puck kissed Kurt and then bragged about it. You won't even consider it."
"It's not that easy," Finn says.
"Finn, it's okay," Kurt says, sitting up with a sigh. "I get it, alright? Maybe you guys should just go now," he says.
"No," Finn says, suddenly. "No, it's not. I mean. Come here."
"What?" Kurt and Rachel ask at the same time.
"Come here," Finn says, reaching over and grabbing Kurt's wrist when he doesn't move. Finn tugs at his wrist and Kurt's flying up, stumbling into Finn a little as he gets his bearings.
He hates that he finds it a little hot.
"We're gonna kiss now," Finn tells him.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Kurt says, stepping back. Finn doesn't let go of his wrist, though, and just pulls him closer.
"No," he says. "I can do this. It might be good for us."
"You're kissing me as therapy?" Kurt asks.
"Not just--" Finn says. "It's not like. Look, can we just do this?"
Finn's starting to get flustered, Kurt can tell, so he takes a deep breath and stretches up on his toes, kissing Finn softly on the lips.
Finn's looking at him when he settles back on his feet and blinks his eyes open, a weird, speculative look that Kurt's not used to seeing on Finn's face, and then Finn's leaning down, his hand under Kurt's chin, tipping him up as he kisses him again.
It's different this time, with Finn's lips actually moving against him, his other hand settling at Kurt's back, and Finn is so big. His hand is big too, so big that it spans the small of Kurt's back, and Finn is leaning down so far to kiss him, and Kurt's got to stop this before things get awkward.
He tries to pull back but Finn keeps his hand firmly on the small of Kurt's back and presses him in a little closer, opening his mouth and licking at the dip in Kurt's bottom lip, and Kurt can feel himself start to get hard. It freaks him out enough that he manages to twist away in spite of Finn's hand, and in his effort not to meet Finn's eyes he meets Rachel's wide ones instead.
Her mouth is hanging open a little, and she says, "Whoa."
"So there," Finn says, his voice a little shaky. "Don't tell me I'm not wet."
"What?" Rachel asks.
"You said sexuality is wet," Finn says.
"Fluid, Finn," Kurt corrects automatically. "Sexuality is fluid."
"Right," Finn says. "Okay. I'm just gonna," he says, glancing at the stairs, and Kurt nods and falls down to sit on his bed.
"Come on, Rachel," Finn says when she doesn't follow.
"That was hot," Rachel whispers, darting in and pecking Kurt on the cheek. "Thanks for that."
"Sure," Kurt says to her retreating back. "As long as you're happy."
-
Kurt's honestly a little impressed that Rachel holds out as long as she does. It was around 7 when they left, and the first of the texts doesn't arrive until nearly 10 when Kurt's contemplating getting started on his nightly skin care and going to bed early.
"Get it, Hummel!" says Santana's text.
"prfect record, im prowd" follows about a second later, from Brittany.
Mercedes asks him if Finn's a good kisser, and Kurt rolls his eyes but pulls his laptop out to email her the details anyway. While he's writing, Mike texts him a smiley face, Matt sends, "am i better than hudson?" and Puck's text simply says, "slut," none of which are particularly surprising.
He gets a new email from Tina right when he sends his off to Mercedes, telling him that she and Artie plan to give him high fives tomorrow, so he can't wear his studded gloves.
He doesn't hear from Quinn, but he's not entirely sure that Quinn has his number.
-
Kurt takes a deep breath before walking into the choir room the next day. He's seen most everyone separately, but the glee club en masse tends to rile each other up and make everyone's personality flaws about five times worse. He sighs in relief when everyone greets him with smiles, waves, or general disinterest, just like always, and settles in next to Mercedes.
"Just a warning," she whispers as soon as he sits down. "They've all been talking about it, so I'm pretty sure they're gonna--"
"Yo Hummel," Puck says loudly. "Settle a bet. I was totally the best kisser out of the dudes, right? Puckzilla knows his stuff."
"Puckzilla would be more appealing if he didn't refer to himself in the third person," Kurt replies. "Or as Puckzilla, while I'm at it."
"Yeah, but was I a good kisser?" Puck asks, pressing.
"There's no way you're better than me," Matt says, as everyone turns to look at him. "I get tons of compliments on my lips."
"I gave him a flower," Mike says. "Like a gentleman."
"I'm not that confident in my ability," Artie says, shrugging, when attention turns to him.
"Hudson?" Puck says. "You gonna chime in here? Defend your skills?"
"Nah," Finn says, catching Kurt's eye and smiling hesitantly at him. Kurt smiles back immediately, relieved that things seem to be okay with them, and then realizes that he has, minus Finn, ten pairs of very interested eyes on him.
"Well?" Puck prods.
"A true gentleman," Kurt says, "never kisses and tells."
Author: skintightsocks
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kurt/New Directions (implied Kurt/Brittany, Kurt/Santana, Kurt/Mercedes, Kurt/Puck, Kurt/Tina, Kurt/Artie, Kurt/Quinn, Kurt/Mike, Kurt/Matt, Kurt/Rachel, Kurt/Finn)
Word Count: 5,600+
Summary: "What she's trying to say," Santana tells him, "is that Brittany speaks very highly of your kissing skills. And my girl doesn't lie. I don't know if she knows how, actually." AKA: Brittany says Kurt's a good kisser and then everyone in New Directions wants a piece. Aww yeah.
Spoilers: None
Warnings Situations which could be viewed as dubcon, though consent is present.
Author Notes: Title is from the song "Kiss" by Prince, because we are nothing if not original. Also, we're aware that Finn and Rachel weren't together post-Theatricality/pre-Journey to Regionals, which is when this is set. We'll call that "AU" and not "we get really excited chatficcing people kissing Kurt and then don't want to deal with our own logical fallacies." Sounds better that way! :D!
"Best kisser?" Santana asks, and Kurt glances up from his magazine. They're waiting for Mr. Schuester to show up, and Brittany and Santana are playing their own perverted game of show and tell. This one, though, Kurt's actually interested in for once.
"Kurt," Brittany says. "Totally."
"Oh, be serious," Santana says, and Kurt almost speaks up to defend himself, but he sees Santana turn to stare at him and darts his eyes back down to his magazine.
"I am serious," Brittany says. "His lips tasted like candy and they were softer than my cat's fur."
"But Kurt?" Santana says, still incredulous.
"I'm telling you," Brittany says. "I know he's gay again, but if he ever wants more lady kisses I am so there."
"Hmm," Santana says, and when Kurt glances back up, she's staring at him like she wants to eat him. Oh crap.
-
Santana
Oh crap. Santana has him backed into the corner of the locker room and Brittany's staring over her shoulder, smiling happily. "I told Santana how you rocked my curls."
"It's world, Brit, he rocked your world," Santana says distractedly, her fingers stroking under the collar of Kurt's Cheerios uniform. "What she's trying to say," Santana tells him, "is that Brittany speaks very highly of your kissing skills. And my girl doesn't lie. I'm not sure if she knows how, actually."
"That's nice," Kurt says. "We're going to be late."
"Not if you don't struggle," Santana says, and Kurt's about to ask what that means when Santana leans in and presses her very red, very much attached-to-a-girl lips against his.
"Mmmph," Kurt says, trying to pull back, but Santana is deceptively strong, and Brittany's still smiling at Kurt over her shoulder, like this is totally normal.
"Hummel," Santana huffs, pulling back, "you have to kiss back or else I can't judge."
"If I kiss you, will you let me go?" Kurt asks.
"Of course," Santana smiles. "We're all friends here, it's just a little curiosity between us girls, right?"
"This is absurd," Kurt mutters as Santana leans back in, but he figures it's better to get it over with because Santana doesn't seem like she's letting go of this.
It's not terrible, really, and Santana clearly knows what she's doing, so Kurt lets her guide the kiss until she starts to lick at his bottom lip.
"Nope," he says, pulling back. "Nope, no tongue."
"Ugh, fine," Santana says, rolling her eyes and spinning around so quickly that her ponytail slaps Kurt in the face.
"Well?" Brittany asks, holding out her pinkie.
"You were right," Santana says, linking their fingers together and guiding Brittany out of the locker room.
-
Mercedes
Two days later, he's in the process of painting Mercedes's toenails when she suddenly says, "Why didn't you come to me?"
"About what?" Kurt asks. Mercedes has very small toenails, it's much harder than painting his own.
"When you needed someone to make out with in your misguided effort to make your dad think you're straight," Mercedes says, point blank.
Kurt paints a line up her middle toe.
"I'm just saying, I'd be the obvious choice. You want to get your lady on and you go to Brittany? It kind of hurt."
"I just thought, what with our shared history of delusions, that it might hit a little too close to home," Kurt says, dipping a q-tip in remover and cleaning the polish off of her skin.
"Kurt, please, I'm so over that I'm under it," she says.
"That doesn't make sense," Kurt points out.
"Whatever. Brittany was bad enough, but Santana? Really? Do you know she was bragging about it in glee today? When you left with Mr. Schue to go get the sheet music, she wouldn't shut up about how her new mission in life was to turn gay guys bi-curious."
"She what?" Kurt yelps.
"Yep," Mercedes says. "Girl kissed and told anyone who would listen."
"Oh great," Kurt sighs. "Just what I need."
"Why did you even kiss her?" Mercedes asks, swinging her feet to the floor.
"Careful, that's still wet," Kurt says.
"Yeah, yeah, answer the question."
"Brittany, apparently, thinks I'm a good kisser. So Santana tried to verify that. With her tongue."
"Well her tongue approved," Mercedes says pointedly.
"Mercedes, come on," Kurt says. "Do you really want me to be your first kiss?"
"Yes," Mercedes says, quickly adding, "and not because of any leftover misguided feelings, just because you're my best friend. I figure what better way to learn? Besides, apparently you've got skills."
Kurt laughs, rolling his eyes, and moves his pedicure basket to the floor. "Okay," he says, "but if this makes things weird--"
"It won't," Mercedes says, "but no blaming me if I turn you straight. This is a lot to handle."
Kurt laughs, and he's still laughing when Mercedes leans in and presses her lips to his, quick and a little off center. Kurt brings his hand to her face, tilting her head gently so they can find a better angle, and then their lips slide together easily. Mercedes is hesitant at first, not really moving her lips, but she gets the hang of it after a few seconds, moving her lips against his.
It's nice. It's not particularly sexy, but Kurt kind of likes kissing, even if it's for purely recreational purposes, and Mercedes is the one who pulls back, jokingly fanning her face and letting out a low whistle.
"Well?" Kurt asks with a grin.
"Brittany wasn't wrong," Mercedes says, leaning in and pecking him on the cheek. "Thanks, Kurt," she says into his ear, and Kurt pulls her into a hug.
"No thanks necessary," he says, pulling back. "Now get your feet back up here, it's time for top-coat."
-
Puck
"So," Puck says the next day in the locker room, slamming his hands against the locker beside Kurt's head and effectively caging him in.
"Can we make this quick?" Kurt sighs. "I've got somewhere to be."
"You don't even know what I want," Puck says, sounding offended.
"I'm so sorry, Puckerman," Kurt says. "How could I cast such aspersions on your character?"
"I'm not sure what that means," Puck says, "but shut up and listen."
"Fine," Kurt says, cocking his hip out and trying to look as bored as possible.
"So I'm hooking up with Santana last night, right?" Puck says, and Kurt grimaces.
"Don't you have guy friends for this kind of thing?" Kurt asks.
"Just listen," Puck says. "So we're going at it, right, and all of a sudden she starts talking about you."
"That... is the last thing I expected you to say," Kurt says.
"Yeah, well, it didn't exactly keep the mood for me either," Puck says. "She kept going on and on about your lips and how if I was just a little more open-minded I could learn a thing or two, and--"
"Wait," Kurt says, his eyes going wide. "Wait, are you about to ask if you can kiss me?"
"No!" Puck says, dropping his eyes. "Maybe. Yes."
"I can not believe this is happening," Kurt says, biting his lip against a laugh.
"Look, if the Puckmeister can improve his skills, he's gonna improve his skills, okay?" Puck says defensively. And Kurt can't help it, he starts laughing, loudly, wheezing for breath.
"So are we gonna kiss or not?" Puck asks, shifting from foot to foot.
"I cannot believe this is my life right now," Kurt says.
"Well?" Puck asks.
"Oh, fine," Kurt says, because he has to admit, it's not like he hasn't thought about it, even if it was mostly in a very, very guilty hate sex kind of way. Besides, if he doesn't take this chance, he may very well graduate high school never having kissed a boy, and he figures that Puck will be ashamed enough to keep quiet about this and not make Kurt's life even worse.
"Okay. Alright," Puck says, dropping his arms and shaking his shoulders out. "No gay stuff though, you got that, Hummel?"
"The irony of that statement," Kurt says, rolling his eyes. There's an awkward moment where they both move forward and pull back, but then Kurt rolls his eyes and tilts his head back, letting his eyelids flutter closed.
It only takes a second or two for Puck to move in, his hand on the back of Kurt's head and his breath hot against Kurt's lips. "Okay," Puck says quietly, and then his lips are on Kurt's.
Puck's lips are rough and chapped, and his hand is big and warm on the back of Kurt's head, and Kurt thinks, oh, because this is what it's like to kiss a boy. A very insistent, hurried boy, but a boy nonetheless.
"Slow down," Kurt says against Puck's lips. Puck does, hesitantly, and Kurt hums his approval. "Soft," he says, "like this," and then he's moving his lips gently against Puck's. Puck deepens the kiss after a while, parting his lips, and then his hand slides down from Kurt's head, skimming down his spine in a way that makes Kurt's stomach tingle. And then Puck grabs his ass.
"Hey," Kurt yelps, jerking back as much as he can when he's pretty much pinned between Puck and the lockers.
"What?" Puck asks, stepping back and crossing his arms across his chest.
"I thought you said no gay stuff," Kurt says, raising an eyebrow.
"Whatever," Puck says. "Your lips are soft like a girl's, I got confused."
"I bet you did," Kurt says with a smirk, stepping forward and grabbing his bag.
"I didn't even learn anything," Puck grumbles.
"Uh huh," Kurt says, putting a little spring in his step as he walks to the door, just to piss Puck off. "You have a nice night, now, Noah."
-
Tina
Kurt's on his way to the choir room the next day when a hand reaches out of the Astronomy classroom and jerks him inside.
"Hey," Kurt says, rounding on whatever neanderthal's decided to mess with him today, and oh. The neanderthal is Tina.
"Hi Kurt," she says sweetly, smiling at him.
"Hello Tina," he says nervously as she walks toward him, backing him up against the wall.
"So," she says, leaning in close. "I hear you're giving it away for free."
"Tina," Kurt says, giving her his most judgmental face.
"Well!" she says.
"Okay, I guess you're kind of right," Kurt says. "I didn't mean to."
"Hey, I'm not judging," Tina says. "I just want in on the action."
"What about Artie?" Kurt says, his voice raising nervously.
"He's cool with it," Tina says. "In fact, I'm pretty sure he wants to try."
"Oh, well then," Kurt says, and he didn't mean for that to be permission but that's clearly how Tina takes it, because she's leaning and kissing him, intent and wet. Kurt's surprised how her kisses are even more forceful than Santana's, and it's not bad, exactly, but it is a little unsettling. She brings her hands up to rest on his shoulders as she tilts her head, sliding her tongue along the seam of Kurt's lips.
"Oompf," Kurt says, and Tina pulls back, biting at Kurt's lip in the process. She grins widely at him and licks her bottom lip.
"Oh my," Kurt says.
"Yeah," Tina says. "Tell your friends."
"You guys are my friends," Kurt points out, sliding out from between Tina and the wall before she decides to go back for seconds.
"Oh, right," Tina says. "Whatever. By the way, Puck was right. Your lips are soft."
"Puck was. Puck was what?" Kurt mumbles to himself, because this is not good. This is not good at all.
"See you in glee!" Tina calls over her shoulder as she slips out the door.
-
Artie
Nothing too embarrassing happens during glee, but Kurt definitely gets stares from pretty much everyone in the room, and it makes him want to fidget.
He plants himself in his chair and waits for the room to clear out before he stands up to leave, just in case anyone tries to accost him, and he's not proud of the yelp he lets out when he opens the door and almost trips over Artie's chair.
"Hey Kurt," Artie says, waving.
"Not you too," Kurt sighs.
"I don't have to!" Artie says. "Well, I mean, Tina says I have to, and I guess I am kind of curious, but if you don't want to--"
"You know," Kurt says, "fuck it. Since apparently kissing is me is the cool new thing, might as well, right? At least you're the right gender and I don't actually hate you."
"Cool," Artie says, a little awkwardly. "I think."
"Should I kneel or bend?" Kurt asks.
"Bending's cool," Artie says. "Unless you want to make out."
"Bending works," Kurt says. "No offense."
"Oh, none taken," Artie says.
Kurt bends down, and it's awkward, at first, trying to figure out how to angle his head, but then Artie tips his head back and Kurt leans in, pressing his lips softly to Artie's. Artie's not hesitant, but he's not insistent either. He mostly just lets Kurt kiss him and moves his lips in return, and it's nice. It doesn't set off any fireworks, but it's still kissing - still kissing a boy - and Kurt smiles against Artie's lips before he pulls away.
"That was really nice, actually," Artie says.
"I concur," Kurt says. "Need me to wheel you out to the parking lot?"
"If you don't mind," Artie says. "I kind of told my dad glee ran long so I could kiss you, he's been waiting."
-
Quinn
Kurt has a blessedly kiss free weekend, and so he's honestly not expecting it when Quinn hooks her finger into the strap of his bag and leads him to the girl's bathroom first thing Monday morning.
"Is this a skin care emergency again?" Kurt asks, even though he knows it's not.
"No," Quinn says, leaning back against the door. "But thanks for that moisturizer, it's done wonders."
"Your pregnancy glow has done wonders all its own for your complexion," Kurt says, laughing nervously.
"You know what else pregnancy has done to me, Kurt?" Quinn asks, tilting her head and looking at him in a way that makes Kurt want to bolt for the door. Quinn can be kind of scary.
"Made you a kinder and gentler person?" Kurt tries.
"Hardly," Quinn says with a laugh. "It's made me horny, Kurt."
"Oh," Kurt sputters.
"We all see what happened last time I indulged those kinds of feelings," Quinn says, gesturing to her stomach. "I figure at least with you, there's very little chance of you knocking me up."
"Well, yes," Kurt says. "Seeing as how I'm gay and also you're already pregnant."
"Exactly," Quinn says. "So given that my pregnancy hormones are going bonkers and you're a safe outlet," Quinn says, her voice getting lower and lower as she steps toward Kurt. "It's the logical choice. Besides, even Artie's talking about what a good kisser you are."
"How nice," Kurt says, his voice thin, and he wants to back up, he does, but he has nowhere to go. Plus, Quinn is scary.
"Mmm-hmm," Quinn says, putting her hands on Kurt's shoulders and tilting her head up, and as soon as she presses her lips to Kurt's she's kissing him deep and surprisingly dirty.
Kurt considers pulling away, but again, scary, so he lets Quinn slide her tongue into his mouth and suck at his bottom lip.
"Put your hands in my hair," Quinn says, breathless as she pulls away.
"I don't really think--"
"Hands, Kurt," she says, leaning back in, and Kurt tentatively brings his hands up, sliding them into Quinn's hair. Her hair is soft, at least, and it smells like fruit, and Kurt supposes it could be worse, even if Quinn is biting at his lip.
"Okay," Quinn says after what feels like an hour but was probably only a few minutes. Her cheeks are flushed and she's grinning, and Kurt actually feels kind of proud of himself, like he's done something good by making out with Quinn Fabray in the girl's bathroom.
"You can leave now," Quinn says after a second. "I need to fix my braid."
"Right," Kurt says. Quinn pats him on the shoulder and turns to the mirror, and Kurt sighs and heads back into the hall. In the past eight days, he has officially kissed 3/4ths of the glee club. Kurt doesn't exactly feel ashamed, but he's not entirely proud either. Mostly he's just confused and a little amazed that in the course of a week he's gone from one kiss to seven, a few of which were actually pretty enjoyable.
Besides, now he has blackmail material on Noah Puckerman for life. Things could be worse.
-
Mike
Mike Chang, of all people, catches Kurt's wrist and pulls him around the back of the gym on their way back from a truly humiliating game of dodge ball.
"Sorry about kicking that ball into your head," he says. "It really was a mistake. I was aiming for Puck."
"It's okay," Kurt says. "Dodge balls are much softer than baseballs, and I got nailed with one of those last week."
"Ouch," Mike says, wincing.
"Soooo," Kurt says, because he's pretty sure Mike didn't just take him back here to apologize for a badly aimed kick.
"It's just," Mike starts, "everyone keeps talking about it and you have really nice lips, I've always thought so, but I don't want you to feel like I'm using you. So, uh, here," he says, bending down and plucking one of the little yellow flowers growing around the back of the gym.
He hands it to Kurt with an earnest grin, and Kurt's always had a little bit of a crush on Mike. It's his eyes, and it didn't hurt how enthusiastic he was to learn the Single Ladies dance earlier that year. Kurt couldn't help but appreciate a football player with an interest in the performing arts. Kurt smiles and stretches up on his tiptoes, bracing his hands on Mike's shoulders and kissing him. Mike's hands slide under Kurt's jacket and settle around Kurt's waist, helping him keep his balance, and he kisses Kurt soft and sweet. His hands are big and warm and his fingers are stroking at Kurt's back over his shirt. It feels kind of ticklish, but in a good way. Mike doesn't try to use his tongue, or even part his lips that much, really, and Kurt keeps kissing him until his calves start to shake and he has to fall back down on his feet.
Mike leans down after him, chasing his lips, and Kurt's maybe swooning, just a little. Mike seems to realize what he's doing on the way down, though, suddenly straightening back up and shaking his head a little.
"So, um," he says, scuffing at the ground with his sneaker. "Thanks?"
"You're welcome. Thanks for the flower," Kurt says, smiling at him and pinching off some of the stem so he can put it through the buttonhole of his jacket.
Mike smiles and nods, bouncing a little on his feet before he turns to leave. Kurt takes a second to lean back against the wall of the gym, just until his stomach stops feeling so fluttery.
-
Matt
Kurt's not exactly surprised when he sees Matt leaning against his car.
"Look," he says as Kurt approaches. "Mike maybe mentioned that he kissed you, and since everyone else has, you know, I just thought--"
"Yeah, yeah," Kurt sighs, leaning back against the driver side door and taking a quick look around the parking lot. "Let's hurry this up before hockey practice gets out and the parking lot is flooded with cro-mags. No offense."
"Cool," Matt says, smiling. "None taken. So do I just--?" he asks, stepping in front of Kurt and motioning toward Kurt's mouth.
"That's the idea," Kurt says, smiling a little. Matt's standing almost a foot away from him and he leans in, rocking forward on his feet and pecking Kurt on the lips.
"Really?" Kurt asks. "That's it?"
"Did Mike do it better?" Matt asks.
"Well, he actually kissed me," Kurt says. "I didn't know this was a competition."
"I'm very competitive," Matt says, taking a step forward and putting his hand on Kurt's face before he leans down and kisses Kurt, deep and intense. Kurt's not exactly close to Matt, and it's not like he had any expectations, but Matt's lips are soft and his hand is moving into Kurt's hair, and Kurt starts to kiss him back more enthusiastically, tilting his head back so Matt can kiss him a little deeper.
Kurt hears a door slam open in the distance and a loud, obnoxious whoop, and he pushes at Matt's chest, making him step back. "Hockey goons," Kurt explains a little breathlessly when Matt looks at him, confused.
"Oh, right," Matt says. "So, um. Who was better, me or Mike?"
Kurt laughs, a little breathlessly, and glances down at the mostly wilted flower tucked into his buttonhole. "Tie," he says, patting Matt on the cheek and unlocking his car door.
-
The next day, when he walks into glee, he's immediately accosted by a very angry Rachel Berry.
"Matt texted Mike who texted Puck who texted Santana who accidentally included me on a text mocking me for being the only person in glee club who hasn't kissed you," Rachel says, matter of factly. "I'd like to know why you're shunning me."
"I'm not shunning you," Kurt says. "It's not like I've been kissing people. They've been kissing me, thank you very much."
"Wait," Finn says. "Wait, you guys were serious about all that?"
"Duh, Hudson," Santana says. "I don't lie about my conquests."
"What the hell," Finn says, looking back between Kurt and the rest of the club. "Is there anyone here besides me and Rachel who hasn't kissed Kurt?"
"Nope," Kurt says, only taking a little bit of pleasure in how annoyed Finn seems to be getting.
"He's a good kisser, dude," Mike says from the back row. "You should try it."
"Preach," Artie says.
"Whatever," Finn says, crossing his arms. "Maybe Rachel and I just aren't perverts like the rest of you."
"No, I just didn't realize all I had to do was ask," Rachel says.
"Well," Mr. Schuester says from the doorway, looking a little shocked. "How about we all sit down while I try to pretend I didn't hear any of that."
-
Rachel and Finn
It's not like Kurt hadn't noticed that he hadn't kissed Finn. He doesn't spend as much time as he used to thinking about Finn, of course, but crushes die hard, even when the guy you like essentially sets fire to them and then spits on their remains. Things are still awkward between them after the whole roommate debacle, despite Finn's gesture of Gaga-related goodwill. Which is why he's a little surprised when he gets home from the mall and heads down the steps to his room only to find Finn and Rachel sitting on his bed.
Well, he's surprised about Finn. He was kind of expecting Rachel, at some point.
"Hello, Kurt," Rachel says.
"Burt let us in," Finn says, shrugging awkwardly. "Rachel said I had to be here."
"And why are you here, Rachel?" Kurt asks, setting his bag down and perching on the arm of his sofa.
"To kiss you, unless your not including me really was intentional and you just didn't want to shame me in front of the club, which I thank you for. It would probably bring down morale."
"It wasn't," Kurt says. "I promise it was not intentional. Well, not on your part," he says to Rachel, glancing at Finn before he can stop himself.
"What does that mean?" Finn asks.
"It means what you think it means, Finn," Kurt sighs. "If I had just come up to you and tried to kiss you, you probably would have punched me in the face. Not that I would ever do that, for all you'll believe me," Kurt says. He's getting defensive, and he can hear himself getting snippy at the end, but Finn doesn't look mad. Mostly just hurt.
"Kurt, I would never punch you, jesus," Finn says. "I thought--"
"It's fine, Finn," Kurt says. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"Right, well, that's very good," Rachel says. "You should kiss me now."
"Uh," Kurt says, glancing at Finn. "Are you okay with this?"
"Everyone else is doing it," Finn says. "Besides, it's not like you're gonna steal her, you're gay."
"Excellent deductive logic, Finn," Kurt says, smiling a little to himself at Finn's confused face.
"Then come here, I guess," Kurt says to Rachel.
"No, you come here," Rachel says, standing up and patting her space on the bed. "I like to be on top."
"On top? Rachel, we're not--"
"I know we're not having sex, Kurt, but I've found that my natural leadership extends to kissing, as well. I do my best work when the guy's lying down and I'm on top," Rachel explains, like what she's saying isn't totally crazy.
"I'm not sure I'm okay with making out with you in front of your boyfriend and my possible future step-brother," Kurt says. "Besides, I thought the point of all this kissing was that I was a good kisser and people wanted in."
"Wait, really?" Finn says, tilting his head and staring at Kurt.
"Yes, really, and thanks for that vote of confidence, by the way," Kurt says, rolling his eyes.
"It started that way, but by the time Mike and Matt went after you it was mostly just people feeling excluded. And I think Quinn was just horny," Rachel says.
"Yep," Kurt says. "It was a little scary."
"I promise I'm very gentle. Tell him, Finn," Rachel says, turning and smiling at him.
"Sometimes she bites," Finn says. "But usually, yeah. I'd just go with it, she's gonna talk you into it eventually, going along from the start saves time."
"He's right," Rachel says, gesturing grandly to Kurt's bed.
"Fine," Kurt says, walking over and situating himself against the pillows. "Let's get this over with."
"Don't be rude," Rachel says, straddling him as soon as he's settled in. Rachel in his lap is awkward enough, but it's even more awkward that Finn is still just sitting there next to them, watching with big eyes. "Just because you're not sexually attracted to me doesn't mean this can't be fun."
Kurt's going to tell her that he's quite aware of that, but then Rachel's leaning down and kissing him, softly but confidently. She is a good kisser, actually, as much as Kurt hates to admit it, and it's not turning him on or anything, but Kurt likes the way it feels, the weight of another body on top of him. He thinks he could be into this, into someone wiggling on top of him and stroking their hands through his hair and nibbling on his bottom lip, and whoa, wait, when did that happen?
"Rachel," Kurt gasps, pulling away from her lips. "I think that's--"
Rachel just tilts her head, kissing under his jaw and down his neck, and oh. That actually feels good. Rachel bites, gently, at Kurt's collarbone, and he lets out a gasp, and then suddenly Rachel's not on top of him anymore.
"That's enough of that," Finn says, and when Kurt looks over he's got Rachel around the waist, holding her up.
"Hey," Rachel says. "I thought you said you were okay with me kissing him."
"Kissing him, not molesting him."
"I was not--"
"You kind of were," Kurt says, his voice a little breathless. He's still reclined against the pillows and he can feel the flush in his cheeks, and seriously, what the hell, how is it that Rachel Berry was his best kiss so far?
"Yeah, and what the hell, dude?" Finn asks him. "I thought you were gay, you seemed kind of into that."
"Sexuality is a very fluid thing, Finn," Rachel explains, wiggling out of his arms and fixing her twisted sweater. "I've been trying to explain that to you."
"Good luck," Kurt says, rolling his eyes.
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Finn snaps.
"I'm just saying, Finn, you're not exactly the most open-minded guy I know. I mean, hell, in his own way, Puck is more accepting than you."
"That's not true," Finn says.
"He was the first guy who asked to kiss me," Kurt says, "and he grabbed my ass. But I don't know if he's telling people that."
"He said you grabbed his," Rachel supplies helpfully. "I didn't believe him."
"Thank you," Kurt says.
"That doesn't prove anything," Finn says.
"It kind of does," Rachel says. "I mean, Puck kissed Kurt and then bragged about it. You won't even consider it."
"It's not that easy," Finn says.
"Finn, it's okay," Kurt says, sitting up with a sigh. "I get it, alright? Maybe you guys should just go now," he says.
"No," Finn says, suddenly. "No, it's not. I mean. Come here."
"What?" Kurt and Rachel ask at the same time.
"Come here," Finn says, reaching over and grabbing Kurt's wrist when he doesn't move. Finn tugs at his wrist and Kurt's flying up, stumbling into Finn a little as he gets his bearings.
He hates that he finds it a little hot.
"We're gonna kiss now," Finn tells him.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Kurt says, stepping back. Finn doesn't let go of his wrist, though, and just pulls him closer.
"No," he says. "I can do this. It might be good for us."
"You're kissing me as therapy?" Kurt asks.
"Not just--" Finn says. "It's not like. Look, can we just do this?"
Finn's starting to get flustered, Kurt can tell, so he takes a deep breath and stretches up on his toes, kissing Finn softly on the lips.
Finn's looking at him when he settles back on his feet and blinks his eyes open, a weird, speculative look that Kurt's not used to seeing on Finn's face, and then Finn's leaning down, his hand under Kurt's chin, tipping him up as he kisses him again.
It's different this time, with Finn's lips actually moving against him, his other hand settling at Kurt's back, and Finn is so big. His hand is big too, so big that it spans the small of Kurt's back, and Finn is leaning down so far to kiss him, and Kurt's got to stop this before things get awkward.
He tries to pull back but Finn keeps his hand firmly on the small of Kurt's back and presses him in a little closer, opening his mouth and licking at the dip in Kurt's bottom lip, and Kurt can feel himself start to get hard. It freaks him out enough that he manages to twist away in spite of Finn's hand, and in his effort not to meet Finn's eyes he meets Rachel's wide ones instead.
Her mouth is hanging open a little, and she says, "Whoa."
"So there," Finn says, his voice a little shaky. "Don't tell me I'm not wet."
"What?" Rachel asks.
"You said sexuality is wet," Finn says.
"Fluid, Finn," Kurt corrects automatically. "Sexuality is fluid."
"Right," Finn says. "Okay. I'm just gonna," he says, glancing at the stairs, and Kurt nods and falls down to sit on his bed.
"Come on, Rachel," Finn says when she doesn't follow.
"That was hot," Rachel whispers, darting in and pecking Kurt on the cheek. "Thanks for that."
"Sure," Kurt says to her retreating back. "As long as you're happy."
-
Kurt's honestly a little impressed that Rachel holds out as long as she does. It was around 7 when they left, and the first of the texts doesn't arrive until nearly 10 when Kurt's contemplating getting started on his nightly skin care and going to bed early.
"Get it, Hummel!" says Santana's text.
"prfect record, im prowd" follows about a second later, from Brittany.
Mercedes asks him if Finn's a good kisser, and Kurt rolls his eyes but pulls his laptop out to email her the details anyway. While he's writing, Mike texts him a smiley face, Matt sends, "am i better than hudson?" and Puck's text simply says, "slut," none of which are particularly surprising.
He gets a new email from Tina right when he sends his off to Mercedes, telling him that she and Artie plan to give him high fives tomorrow, so he can't wear his studded gloves.
He doesn't hear from Quinn, but he's not entirely sure that Quinn has his number.
-
Kurt takes a deep breath before walking into the choir room the next day. He's seen most everyone separately, but the glee club en masse tends to rile each other up and make everyone's personality flaws about five times worse. He sighs in relief when everyone greets him with smiles, waves, or general disinterest, just like always, and settles in next to Mercedes.
"Just a warning," she whispers as soon as he sits down. "They've all been talking about it, so I'm pretty sure they're gonna--"
"Yo Hummel," Puck says loudly. "Settle a bet. I was totally the best kisser out of the dudes, right? Puckzilla knows his stuff."
"Puckzilla would be more appealing if he didn't refer to himself in the third person," Kurt replies. "Or as Puckzilla, while I'm at it."
"Yeah, but was I a good kisser?" Puck asks, pressing.
"There's no way you're better than me," Matt says, as everyone turns to look at him. "I get tons of compliments on my lips."
"I gave him a flower," Mike says. "Like a gentleman."
"I'm not that confident in my ability," Artie says, shrugging, when attention turns to him.
"Hudson?" Puck says. "You gonna chime in here? Defend your skills?"
"Nah," Finn says, catching Kurt's eye and smiling hesitantly at him. Kurt smiles back immediately, relieved that things seem to be okay with them, and then realizes that he has, minus Finn, ten pairs of very interested eyes on him.
"Well?" Puck prods.
"A true gentleman," Kurt says, "never kisses and tells."