Changing Lives 42/55 (Sam/Janet femslash) Stargate SG-1
"So how's Vala doing?" Janet asked Daniel. "Is she feeling any better?"
Daniel smiled. "Vala's great," he said. "The morning sickness stopped on Friday, thank goodness. She's taken the day off today to look at furniture. We're gonna get a house, Janet," Daniel was hardly able to contain his excitement. "We want a place with a yard for the baby, the apartment's not right for a family."
"That's great news!" Janet exclaimed. "Where are you moving to?"
Daniel grinned. "We haven't found a place yet," he admitted, "but Vala insists she wants to shop today anyway. She's only window shopping, she promised not to buy anything until we find a house."
"Well it's all very exciting," Janet said with a smile. "That's great Daniel. So how are you feeling about becoming a father?"
"Fantastic," Daniel couldn't stop smiling. "Seriously, Janet, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I know Vala's a kook, but she's gonna be a great mother. She's a lot more sensible than she seems, truly."
"She'll be a wonderful mother," Janet said, "and you'll be a great Dad. That kid's lucked out to get you two as parents."
"Are you okay, Janet?" Daniel asked. "You seem awful quiet."
Janet looked up, startled. "I'm fine," she answered, almost too quickly. Daniel didn't reply, but continued to look at her intently. "Really," she insisted. "I'm okay. Everything's good. I'm a bit worried about Sam, is all."
"In what way?" Daniel asked. "She's not getting the nightmares any more, is she?"
"No, thank God," Janet said with relief. "She's okay. It's just sometimes she goes real quiet. But I know that she hasn't told me everything she remembers from the other timeline. She's said as much to me, that there are some things she hasn't told me yet. I just worry that she's keeping something bad to herself, that she's trying to protect me. I don't want her to be carrying that kind of burden around."
"I'm sure she'll be fine," Daniel said reassuringly. "Want me to talk to her?"
"There's no need, I don't want to worry her," Janet said. "I just want her to be okay, you know?"
Daniel nodded. "I do know," he said. "You love her, and you don't want anything to be wrong."
Janet hugged him impulsively. "That's just it," her voice was muffled in his shoulder.
She pulled back. "I have to go," she told him. "I'm due at the Academy hospital in half an hour, I'm working there this afternoon. Look, Daniel, don't worry. I'm just overreacting, I know it. It's probably hormones or something," she laughed. "Everything's fine. Everything's good. I'm with Sam, nothing can ever be bad with her in my life."
= = =
What Daniel didn't tell Janet was that he remembered most of what happened in the other timeline, and he guessed that what Sam hadn't told Janet was that, in that timeline, they were having a baby. He didn't know why Sam had held back, but he was pretty sure that she had, since neither of them had mentioned expanding their family. And babies were on all their minds, with Vala's pregnancy the talk of the base.
He decided to take it upon himself to speak with Sam, to see if there was some reason for her actions -- or lack of actions.
However, there was no sign of her when he got to her lab. He looked at his watch, and realized it was lunch time. Thinking she was probably in the commissary, he headed down there, but she wasn't there either. "Have you seen Colonel Carter today?" he asked one of the orderlies casually.
"Yes, sir," the orderly replied. "You just missed her. She was here about 10 minutes ago; picked up a sandwich and a bottle of water. She's likely back in her lab."
Daniel was perturbed, he couldn't work out where she could be. Then he had a sudden brainwave; on rare occasions, when Sam wanted to think something out, she would go to the surface. There was a large tree around the back where she loved to sit. He headed for the elevator.
"Hey," Daniel said quietly when he found Sam who was, as he expected, under the tree. Her eyes were closed, the sandwich and water untouched at her feet.
Sam's eyes opened, and she smiled when she saw Daniel. "Hey Daniel," she said.
"Okay if I join you?" Daniel gestured to the ground next to her.
"Of course," Sam said. "It's good to see you. Is everything okay? Is Vala alright?"
"She's great," Daniel said. "Taking a day to do some shopping, but she's feeling good. What about you Sam, are you okay?"
"Yeah," Sam said, "everything's great with me too."
Daniel cocked his head and scrutinized her. "So why haven't you told Janet about the baby?" he came straight to the point.
Sam jumped. She was about to deny any problem, but then she looked into Daniel's eyes, and knew it just wouldn't wash. She took a deep breath. "I don't know, really," she said slowly. "Well, I do in a way. Just how much do you remember from the other timeline?" she asked him.
"All of it, I think," Daniel said. "I remember very clearly how happy you and Janet were to be having a baby. That's why I'm surprised that you haven't told her. Especially with Vala's pregnancy. Don't you want to have a baby with Janet in this timeline?"
Sam looked stricken. "Oh God, no, no it's not that," she said. "There's nothing I'd like more. I can't think of anything better than holding a baby that Janet has carried, that she's given birth to. But," and she was furious to realize that tears were threatening to fall. "It's not that simple."
"Why not?" Daniel's voice was gentle, and he took her hand in a gesture of friendship.
"Her scar," Sam was blunt. "From P3X-666. You remember what happened then, don't you?"
Daniel paled. He remembered better than most that terrible day. He remembered that Janet was shot with a staff weapon when she was tending to a wounded airman. He remembered cradling her in his arms, her blood all over his jacket and pants. He remembered Sam running hell for leather over to them both, and gently taking Janet from him and insisting on carrying her herself back to the 'gate. He also remembered how close they had all come to losing Janet. He remember O'Neill reluctantly having to restrain Sam after she made herself sick by using the healing device on her lover too often and had collapsed in the infirmary. There was nothing about that terrible time that he didn't remember. He just nodded.
"The scar's still there, Daniel," Sam said quietly. "And we none of us know if it's damaged her chances of carrying a baby. It's possible that everything's okay. But it's also possible that there's too much damage, that she can't carry a baby to term."
Daniel hadn't realized that this thought had been playing on Sam's mind, and he hugged her to him. "I'm sorry Sam," he said, "I hadn't thought of that. But don't you think you owe it to Janet to let her decide whether it's worth a try?"
Sam looked pained. "Suppose it doesn't work, though?" she said. "I don't want Janet to think she's failed me in any way if she can't have a baby. So I'm wary of telling her how happy she made me in the other timeline when the pregnancy was confirmed. I don't want her to think she might be denying me that. Because the only thing that matters," her voice rose, "is that Janet is with me. Sure, it would be great to have a baby. God, it would be wonderful," her eyes misted over. "But that would just be the icing on the cake. If we can't have babies -- either of us, there's no guarantee I could ever have a baby, not after all my body's been though -- it wouldn't matter. Janet is all that really matters. As long as I have her, I have everything I need."
"Then why don't you tell her that?" Daniel's voice was soft and caring. "She's worried about you Sam. She told me not to talk to you about it, but she thinks something's making you unhappy. And that's making her unhappy. I think she's strong enough to know everything, she can decide for herself. She loves you too Sam."
Sam sniffed and looked straight in his eyes. "I know," she said, "and knowing that makes my life complete. You're right, Daniel, I've been selfish. I'll go talk to her now."
"She's at the hospital this afternoon," Daniel reminded her.
"Oh damn, of course she is. Well, I don't care. I'm going there. Will you cover for me here? Tell them I had to go. It's not too busy today, I don't think General O'Neill will mind."
"Jack'll be fine about it," Daniel said. "Go. Talk to Janet. And Sam," he said as she stood up to leave. "Don't forget your sandwich, huh? Janet'll be pissed if you don't eat."
"I'll eat it in the car," Sam put her hand on Daniel's arm. "Thank you Daniel. You're a good friend."
= = =
Janet returned to her office after doing her rounds of the wards. The hospital was uncharacteristically quiet, so for once she was able to take things at an even pace. She shut the door of her office behind her, and was startled to hear "hey," from Sam who was sitting quietly in the corner, a book in her hand.
"Sam!" Janet exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Are you okay Sam? Is something wrong?" worry crossed her features.
Sam stood up and took Janet in her arms. "I'm great, honey," she said gently. "Really, I'm good. I just wanted to see you, is all." And very softly she kissed Janet on the lips. "I wanted to kiss you."
"How did you get out of the mountain?" Janet demanded.
"I just told them I was going to see you. It's okay, Daniel's covering for me. It's not like I make a habit of taking off, is it?" Sam grinned.
"So he talked to you then," Janet looked disappointed. "Oh Sam, I'm sorry. I'm overreacting, I know I am. I told him not to say anything."
"He said that," Sam's voice was soft, with no hint of recrimination. "But he remembered something from the other timeline, and he felt he had to speak to me. He was right Jan, don't be pissed at him. He did the right thing. C'mon, let's sit. I want to talk to you. If you've got time, that is?"
Janet nodded. "It's very quiet here today. Wait," she went over and locked the door to her office and lowered the blinds. She pushed Sam toward the small couch, and settled herself next to her, taking her hand in both of hers. "Is it something bad from the other timeline?" She looked worried.
Sam kissed her again. "No, baby," she told her. "It's nothing bad, I swear. And I'll tell you everything, right now, I swear. But before I tell you, I want you to know one thing. You are my life. I never guessed it would be possible to be this happy. Really, I had no idea. Before I met you, my life was good. Great, even. I had a wonderful job, I'd had some great love affairs. I looked forward to waking up each morning, to see what challenges the day would bring. I had great friends. Things were real good. But when I met you, suddenly everything was different. I swear, I didn't know it was possible to be this happy." She saw the tears gathering in Janet's eyes. "You opened up my life more than I thought possible, Jan. Everything about you is just so amazing." She cupped her cheek, and ran her fingers lightly down Janet's face. "It's not just making love to you, though that is nothing short of spectacular," Sam grinned. "It's being with you. Growing with you. Being a family. You were incredibly beautiful when we first met, when we were both so young. But you're even more beautiful now. Truly Janet, all I need is you. Even if I had to live in a cave, as long as I had enough to keep you well and happy, that's all I need."
"Why are you saying all this?" Janet's voice hitched in her throat. "It's something bad, isn't it?"
"No Jan, it really isn't," she took a deep breath. "In the other timeline, I hated my life. Until I found you. And you were so brave, baby. Risking being with me again, having already lost me once. You took that chance on me honey. But," her voice shook, "we decided to take another chance. We decided to have a baby," Sam's words were hurried, as if she feared she wouldn't get them out if she didn't speak fast. "Before things changed back, you were nearly six months' pregnant."
Janet looked at Sam in shock. "I was having a baby?" she asked.
"You were," Sam nodded. "And you were so beautiful. You've never looked more beautiful. We were real happy about it."
Janet looked shocked.
"I know it's a lot to take in, sweetheart," Sam's words were very gentle. "But Daniel thought I shouldn't keep it from you any more. Jan, it doesn't mean you have to have a baby in this timeline. I know things aren't as simple here. In that timeline, you'd never been to P3X-666," Janet flinched at the mention of that planet. "So you'd never been shot. You didn't have to have all those operations," Sam ran her hand over Janet's abdomen, gentling the scarred area under her shirt. "Things were different. Which is why I want you to know that the only thing that matters to me is being with you. I love you, just as you are. You're perfect to me Jan. Never forget that."
Janet looked at her lover. "Thank you for telling me baby," she said quietly. "And I see why you didn't want to say anything. You were trying to protect me. As you have always protected me. I love you so much Sam," she reached up and kissed her.
Sam saw a single tear slide down Janet's cheek.
"Take me home?" Janet asked her lover. "Now. Please?"
"Can you leave now?" Sam asked her, knowing that Janet was due to work until 5pm.
"I'll clear it," Janet's voice was determined. "Can you wait there a few minutes?"
"I'll wait for you for ever," Sam told her.
= = =
Janet put her hand over Sam's on the gear shift, interlacing her fingers with her own. They hardly spoke on the way home. Once they got back in the house, Sam guided Janet to the couch, returning five minutes later with two mugs of tea. She pushed gently against Janet, and insinuated herself behind her, Janet in her arms leaning back against her. They drank their tea in silence, both reveling in the warmth and closeness they had with each other.
Once they had finished, Janet shifted in Sam's arms, turning to kiss her deeply. "Make love to me?" she asked. "Please?"
Wordlessly, Sam got up from the couch, and put a hand out to Janet, pulling her to her feet. She led her upstairs and guided her into the bedroom, closing the door behind them. She slid one hand round Janet's waist, using the other to clasp a firm breast. "You're so perfect," she said, her voice husky.
Several hours later, they collapsed back on the bed, remaining tightly intertwined. "Sam?" Janet's voice was small.
"Yeah, baby?" Sam said, taking her hand.
"I think I want to try," Janet said. "I think it's worth a try. We can look into it. I've never had a proper gynaecological scan. Can we do that? See what our chances are?"
Sam leant up on one elbow. "Do you really want to?" she tried to keep the excitement out of her voice. "It might all lead to nothing, we have to be prepared for that."
"I think I can handle that," Janet said. "But I don't think I could handle never even trying. What do you say baby? Shall we schedule a scan?"
Sam kissed her. "I think that's a wonderful idea," she told her. "If that's what you want."
"It is," Janet said firmly. "It really is."
Sam pulled Janet to her, and they drifted off to sleep.
Less than an hour later, they both awoke at the sound of the front door slamming.
"Shit!" Sam said, "Cass and Anna."
"What's wrong?" Janet asked, a distinct twinkle in her eye. "Don't you want them to know we took the afternoon off just to fool around?"
Sam looked embarrassed. "I know I'm being dumb. I know that they know that we... and we know that they... but we don't talk about it, do we?! Anyway, they shouldn't be home yet, Cass has got classes until 7pm today, or that's what I thought." She looked at her watch, which showed it was only 5.30pm.
"Must have been canceled," Janet mused, "Cass never cuts class."
She heard the sound of feet on the stairs, accompanied by laughter. Then they heard their bedroom door opening. Janet smiled as the muffled thumps and giggles left both her and Sam in no doubt as to Cassie and Anna's plans for the afternoon. "Looks like we're not the only ones that had that idea, Sam," Janet smiled. "C'mon, let's shower, then we can take Toby for a walk. Give the girls their privacy."
Sam grinned back.