Changing Lives 36/55 (Sam/Janet femslash) Stargate SG-1
"Get all you needed, hon? Is this house going to be like an infant Fort Knox?" Janet grinned as she spoke. She knew Sam's main reason for going out was to purchase latches to child-proof the house.
"Jan," Sam's tone was serious. Her lover looked up from her newspaper, and saw the look of shock on Sam's face.
"Sam?" Janet asked, her blood running cold. She had never seen Sam look so devastated. "Sam, baby, what is it?" and she leapt to her feet, putting a reassuring hand on her lover's arm. She was shocked to realize Sam was ice cold and shaking slightly.
"It's happening," Sam said in a quiet voice. "The invasion. Ba'al. He's here. Oh God, Janet," she tried to stifle a sob. "Everything's gonna change."
Janet took her in her arms, the tension in Sam's body tangible. The two women just stood there in the living room, not speaking, just holding each other very tight. Eventually, Janet pulled away slightly. She reached up and very softly stroked Sam's cheek. "So what happens now baby?" her voice shook as she spoke.
"I go to Washington," Sam said miserably. "Flight leaves in four hours. I'll meet up with Daniel and Cam. We're going to try and fix it, if we possibly can. I've no idea how we'll do it. Honestly, Jan," tears sprang to her eyes, "I don't think we can. But we have to try," her voice was harsh. "We can't not try. And you," her voice hitched, "you stay here, with Cass and Anna. And Kathryn. Look after each other, stay together. And try to remember; even if the worst happens, it may not be for ever. We may be able to change the timeline. So it might be like none of this ever happened. Does that make sense?"
"No," Janet said in a mutinous tone. "It doesn't make sense."
Sam opened her mouth to explain.
"No!" Janet almost shouted. "I understand all that ... timeline ... shit. You might be able to take us all back to your old timeline. I get that. I'm not stupid," her voice rose further. "But what doesn't make sense, Sam, is us being apart. That'll never make sense. In any timeline."
"I don't want you in any danger, sweetie," Sam tried to protest. "You're pregnant."
"So are you telling me that whatever happens this baby'll be alright if I stay here?" Janet spat.
"No," Sam said miserably. "I can't promise you that, you know I can't Jan. But I can't bear to see you put in danger. You and our baby. This mission's gonna be dangerous, honey, I can't put you at risk."
"Tell me honestly, Sam," Janet's voice was eerily calm. "What do you think the chances are you'll defeat Ba'al? In this timeline? No bullshit, just the truth."
"The truth?" Sam gulped. "The chance is very slim. We don't have the resources. The Stargate program is in its absolute infancy. It would have been hell of a difficult in my old timeline. And there we'd been going through the Stargate for over a decade. Slim to none, I'd say."
"And the chances of you, Daniel and Cameron surviving? You coming back to me?"
"Same," Sam said quietly. "Oh God, Jan," she took her hand. "I know it's awful. But I've got to say goodbye to you in an hour. And it'll likely be for the last time. Unless we can persuade the President to let us change the timeline, which I doubt. We're screwed baby," tears were coursing down her face. "We're screwed."
"Then you have to take me with you," Janet said. "You have to. Sam, listen to me." She looked deep into Sam's blue eyes. "I can't do it again, ever. Losing my first Sam nearly killed me. I can't say goodbye to you again. I can't. And I won't. Face it, Sam, there's a very good chance we're gonna die anyway, am I right?"
Sam nodded, unable to speak.
"Then I want to die by your side. Not sitting in this living room, without you. And we might succeed in changing the timeline, right?"
Sam nodded again.
"In which case none of this will matter. I have to go with you, to be with you. You can't take that away from me Sam, I won't let you. Surely you know my life is pointless without you?"
"Okay," Sam said quietly. "Okay. We'll go together. We will. I swear. I'll book you a ticket."
"I'm going upstairs to pack a bag for both of us," Janet said, relief flooding through her. "You call the airline."
"Jan?" Sam looked anguished.
"Yes, sweetie?" Janet asked, her tone gentle and loving.
"You realize what this means?" Sam said. "Even if we do manage to change the timeline, none of this," she caressed Janet's bump, "will ever have happened. Our baby...."
"I know," Janet's voice was husky. "I know that baby. But if we succeed, we'll still be together, right? And Cassie and Annie'll be okay? And Mom?"
"Yeah," Sam said.
"Then we'll do it all over baby," Janet said. "The pregnancy, everything."
"Suppose we don't think of it?" Sam knew she was being dumb. "We might not realize how happy it'd make us. I don't think I've ever been so happy, Jan."
Janet put her arms round her lover. "We will think of it Sam. I know it." She reached up and kissed Sam, softly and tenderly. "I'm going up to pack. When are the girls due back?"
"They should be back already," Sam told her, visibly pulling herself together. "I'll call Cassie's cell, tell her we need to see them urgently."
= = =
"I'll tell you all about it when you get here, Cass," Sam tried to stop her voice from shaking.
"We'll be five minutes," Cassie said. "Are you okay Sam?"
"Not really," Sam said. "It's big. I'm so sorry honey. Just get back here, huh?"
Cassie hung up the phone. "Something really bad has happened," she told Anna. "I don't know what it is. But Sam sounded terrible."
Anna looked at Cassie, and pressed her foot to the gas. "Just a few minutes, Cass," she said reassuringly.
= = =
"Invasion?" Cassie was aghast. "But I thought that wasn't going to happen?"
"That's what I'd hoped," Sam said quietly. "And I'm so sorry, Cass, Annie. I was wrong."
She explained all she knew to the younger women. "I'm gonna need you two to be brave now," she said as she finished her explanation. "Janet and I are going to Washington. I really don't know what's going to happen here. I do know, though, that none of it's gonna be good."
"What can we do to help?" Anna was the first to pull herself together.
"Love each other," Sam said simply. "Stay together. And remember, even if the worst does happen, it might still be okay. If we can change the timeline."
"I trust you Sam," Cassie said. "You'll fix it all."
"It's not that simple, Cass," Sam looked at her sadly.
"I know," Cassie replied. "I still trust you." And she took her adoptive mother in her arms and held her tight. "And I love you, and Janet. We both do."
Anna nodded her agreement.
"We leave in 20 minutes for the airport," Janet said.
"We'll drive you," Anna spoke up. "And then we'll go get Kathryn, won't we Cassie? We should all be together. Whatever the outcome."
"Yeah," Cassie agreed. "That's a great idea. Kathryn can come stay here. Anyway," she tried desperately to lessen the tension. "We'll need her in the kitchen, if you're going Janet," her smile didn't quite reach her eyes, but at least she was trying.
The four women met in a tight embrace.
= = =
"Don't wait with us," Janet told Cassie in a quiet voice as they unloaded their single back from the trunk. "Sam's tense enough."
"Okay," Cassie agreed. She wanted to stay as long as she could with Sam and Janet, but she understood that a long, drawn-out farewell would only make it harder on her mothers.
"I love you, just as much as if you were my blood. Both of you," Sam told Cassie and Anna. "You've brought me so much joy. Thank you."
= = =
"Oh God," Sam turned to Janet as the car pulled away. She could see Cassie and Anna's faces, as well as Albie looking out the back window.
"I know, baby, I know," Janet was trying to be strong for her lover. "I know. We've just got to hold it together now, if we possibly can. C'mon Sam," and she slipped her hand in Sam's, leading her toward the check-in desk.
Within half an hour, they were checked in and had gone through to the departures lounge. They sat silently, side by side, their fingers interlaced. When the tannoy sounded and informed them that their flight was delayed by two hours, Janet saw all the color run from Sam's face. "Sam?" Janet squeezed her fingers.
Sam just turned and looked at her, her eyes liquid. A single tear escaped and ran unchecked down her cheek. "What if we're too late?" her voice was a whisper.
Janet brushed away the tear with her thumb. "We can only do our best, baby, we have no control over this," Janet reminded her. She could see how tense Sam was trying to keep a check on her emotions. She had an idea. She stood up, her hand still in Sam's, and pulled her gently to her feet. "Come with me," she said quietly, leading Sam to the bathroom. She pushed her into one of the larger stalls, stepping in behind her. The stall was huge, as it had been built to accommodate a luggage trolley. She took Sam in her arms. "Let it go, baby," she told her, kissing her softly, "let it go."
So Sam wept in her lover's arms. When she placed her hand over Janet's slightly swollen belly and pressed protectively, her sobbing increased in intensity. Janet realized that she was weeping for the baby who might never be, and that realization tipped her over the edge too. Soon they were both weeping uncontrollably.
After an age, they stopped, but remained tightly wound in their embrace. "Feel better, hon?" Janet's voice was muffled as her face was buried in Sam's front.
"Yeah," Sam said. "You?"
"Yeah," Janet agreed. "I do. I really do."
"I never want to let you go," Sam admitted, her arms still holding Janet firmly. "I wish we could stay here for ever."
"Right back at you, baby," Janet said. A sudden thought occurred to her. "Hey Sam," she said. "Why don't we take advantage of the flight delay?"
Sam looked at her quizzically, and then realization hit. "Oh," she said, as she gathered what Janet had in mind. "Oh God, yes," she said, "it might be our last chance. Yes please, Jan," she said pleadingly.
Janet stepped back slightly. She stepped out of her shoes, and swiftly unbuttoned the dress she had been wearing, hanging it on the hook on the back of the toilet door. Sam watched her open-mouthed as she unhooked her bra, and added it to the hook. Now Janet was standing in front of her, in just her panties. Janet's pregnancy didn't really show when she was clothed, but as she stood full and ripe in front of Sam, her breasts even heavier than usual, it was glaringly obvious.
Sam stepped forward again, and took her lover in her arms. "I'm so pleased you're with me," she whispered to Janet. "Whatever happens, we're together. And we always will be. I'm so sorry I tried to leave you behind. It was stupid of me."
"You were trying to do the best for me, baby," Janet told her, "and I love you for it. I love you more than ever. You are my world."
= = =
Sam looked round the aircraft. She felt as though she was in limbo. None of the other passengers, or the cabin crew, were aware of the precariousness of their situation. The al'kesh had been reported on the national news as a UFO, which had sent the geeks into a frenzy. Nobody, it seemed, realized that it likely meant the end of civilization as they knew it.
Janet shifted in her sleep; almost as soon as the aircraft had taken off, she had fallen to sleep in Sam's arms. Sam realized that being strong for both of them had taken more out of Janet than she had thought. She ran her hand lightly through Janet's hair. Janet murmured in her sleep, her hand involuntarily seeking out Sam's and squeezing her fingers.
"For ever," Sam whispered into Janet's hair. "We'll be together for ever. I swear to you."