Doc1. : "Well, colleague, you have to tell me, please, why you always ask you patients what they eat. Does it help you making your diagnosis?"
Doc2. : "The diagnosis? Oh no. Not at all. But it does help making up the bill."

Notice on the window of a travel agent : Please, go away.

An irate customer calls a waiter.
- Scandalous! There Is A Fly In My Soup!
The waiter looks and calmly replies
- Don't worry, Sir, that spider on your spoon sill take care of it and eat it.

Judge : Do you plead Guilty or Not Guilty ?
Accused: Not Guilty.
Judge : Have you been in prison before?
Accused: No, your Honor, this is the first time I got caught while stealing,

Student: "Do you have to read everything that appears in your newspaper?"
Editor : "Yes, I have to read and check everything."
Student: "Wow, that must be hard."
Editor : Nah, the hard part is that I also must read everything that does not appear in the newspaper."

Man, addressing a neighbor in the bar : "why do you always say 'my dear Elise' while you are drinking?"
Table-neighbor : "As long as I can say that clearly I haven't drunk to much. staying on the safe side."

"We know that the brains of men are, on average, bigger than those of women." the biology teacher says. "What can we conclude from that?"
"That quantity is not very important." Lisa answers quickly.

Andre walks into a car sales shop and asks whether the car he saw a few days ago is still available for sale.
"ha, no I just sold it last evening," the seller replies, "But I got the buyer's address here. You might contact him later. He'll be selling that car tomorrow for half the price I suppose."

A cannibal mother and her kid are walking trough the Indonesian jungle when they hear a loud band and see an airplane crash into a hillside ( Read more... )

Teacher: Well, maxime, name the four elements for me.
Maxime : Heu, Water. . . Fire . . . and, heu . . Air, . . . and Beer.
Teacher: Ha, yes? . . why beer?
Maxime : Well, because our mom, every time dad is having a few beers, says "you're in your element again!?" . . .