[jp] Haunted lyrics
[Set in whatyou_wanted. imnot_likeyou is mine to use and abuse as I see fit. ohgodkillme_now, huntersdaughter and onebadasslawman are all referenced with love. Set after THIS and THIS.]
You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark and its all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake
He left Jo’s, then went directly to Sam.
The choice really was a no brainer. The Time Agency knew that Sam was hiding things from him, but that was obvious because Sam hid things from everyone. They sent Cas to find out what it was. Cas found out what it was, and now Cas had a dilemma. A real one. For the first time in a very, very long time.
He hated dilemmas. They made him itch.
He was sitting on the edge of the roof of the hub, staring out over the landscape of Lawrence, contemplating if he was actually doing the right thing, in the objective sense of the word. He wanted to know what great time paradox he would create, if he kept looking for something that had no hope. There was a slim to none chance that if Dean was out there, Sam would ever find him, so what was the danger in letting Sam look. He was looking for consequences that Zachariah couldn’t cause. Things that no man had any control over and he wasn’t finding any. It was more fear than anything else-two Winchesters together were dangerous. But there wasn’t anything objectively wrong. It just went against his orders.
All Cas has ever had was the Agency. He was raised in it. He was so good at bending the rules because that’s what he was raised to do. He was used to watching the rest of the world with the clinical eyes of someone who couldn’t connect, because he was taught the rules didn’t apply. He existed outside the span of time. He was made to watch the rest of the world tick by and interact with anything else. Everyone watched him like he was some kind of other thing, because he was the boy with no family. The boy with no people.
And then came Dean. Dean became his partner, and he taught him how to feel the way the rest of the world did. He was patient. He didn’t look at him like there was something wrong with him, aside from the times when there really was something wrong with him. He tried to keep Cas from bending the rules, and because of the one major time he actually let him do so, Cas had a person. He had a girl who looked at him like he was part of something, and not just an observer on the sidelines.
He owed Dean-something. Maybe he owed Dean this. He wasn’t sure, but this time, he was going to do Sam a favor for a change.
He heard the door to the roof slam shut, and it was only a moment before he heard Sam’s voice over his shoulder. “I got your message,” he said, even though his tone was clearly annoyed. “Come to gloat about how you got through my firewall?”
Cas just shook his head, not even bothering to look back as he held out an envelope with a flash drive in it. “The data regarding your search for Dean.”
There was a pause as Sam stepped forward, reaching a hand out for the envelope and looking at him quizzically. “You’re not turning me in.”
“Not this time. But I’d take that info off the company computers if I were you. If this goes sideways with Zachariah, the next agent they send might not be that forgiving.”
“How do you plan on getting past Zachariah? Doesn’t he have those lie detectors now?”
“I’m turning over everything else, just not the stuff on Dean,” Cas sighed. “I’ll retcon myself once I get home, and hopefully that’ll get me past the boss.” He’ll lose everything. The time earlier with Jo, the pleasure of seeing Marshall get shot-that was going to suck. But what were a few measly memories compared to keeping Sam where he was and not in prison?
He just hoped it didn’t land him in prison.
“ … Thanks.” Sam sounded honestly stunned. “Can I ask why you’re doing this?”
Cas was quiet for a moment, before turning around on the roof to face him. “Do you really think he’s alive?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“Why?”
Sam paused for a moment, before shrugging slightly. “I dunno. It’s just this feeling in my gut. Like, I’d know if Dean was gone for good. Really know.”
Cas nodded slowly for a moment. “If he’s really out there, Sam? Find him.”
“I will.”
“Good.” He took a breath and reached for his vortex manipulator again. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go erase my memory of the past twenty-four hours.” He paused for a moment, before looking up at Sam. “Please tell me you have footage of Rachel shooting Marshall. That’s something I want preserved for all time.”
Sam laughed, before shaking his head. “I’ll send you a digital copy.”
“I knew I could count on you.” He took another breath, before setting the vortex and giving Sam a small salute. “Happy hunting, Sam.”
“Be careful, Cas.”
“I’m always careful.”
For some reason, those words seemed a little more hollow than normal.
851 words
You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark and its all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake
He left Jo’s, then went directly to Sam.
The choice really was a no brainer. The Time Agency knew that Sam was hiding things from him, but that was obvious because Sam hid things from everyone. They sent Cas to find out what it was. Cas found out what it was, and now Cas had a dilemma. A real one. For the first time in a very, very long time.
He hated dilemmas. They made him itch.
He was sitting on the edge of the roof of the hub, staring out over the landscape of Lawrence, contemplating if he was actually doing the right thing, in the objective sense of the word. He wanted to know what great time paradox he would create, if he kept looking for something that had no hope. There was a slim to none chance that if Dean was out there, Sam would ever find him, so what was the danger in letting Sam look. He was looking for consequences that Zachariah couldn’t cause. Things that no man had any control over and he wasn’t finding any. It was more fear than anything else-two Winchesters together were dangerous. But there wasn’t anything objectively wrong. It just went against his orders.
All Cas has ever had was the Agency. He was raised in it. He was so good at bending the rules because that’s what he was raised to do. He was used to watching the rest of the world with the clinical eyes of someone who couldn’t connect, because he was taught the rules didn’t apply. He existed outside the span of time. He was made to watch the rest of the world tick by and interact with anything else. Everyone watched him like he was some kind of other thing, because he was the boy with no family. The boy with no people.
And then came Dean. Dean became his partner, and he taught him how to feel the way the rest of the world did. He was patient. He didn’t look at him like there was something wrong with him, aside from the times when there really was something wrong with him. He tried to keep Cas from bending the rules, and because of the one major time he actually let him do so, Cas had a person. He had a girl who looked at him like he was part of something, and not just an observer on the sidelines.
He owed Dean-something. Maybe he owed Dean this. He wasn’t sure, but this time, he was going to do Sam a favor for a change.
He heard the door to the roof slam shut, and it was only a moment before he heard Sam’s voice over his shoulder. “I got your message,” he said, even though his tone was clearly annoyed. “Come to gloat about how you got through my firewall?”
Cas just shook his head, not even bothering to look back as he held out an envelope with a flash drive in it. “The data regarding your search for Dean.”
There was a pause as Sam stepped forward, reaching a hand out for the envelope and looking at him quizzically. “You’re not turning me in.”
“Not this time. But I’d take that info off the company computers if I were you. If this goes sideways with Zachariah, the next agent they send might not be that forgiving.”
“How do you plan on getting past Zachariah? Doesn’t he have those lie detectors now?”
“I’m turning over everything else, just not the stuff on Dean,” Cas sighed. “I’ll retcon myself once I get home, and hopefully that’ll get me past the boss.” He’ll lose everything. The time earlier with Jo, the pleasure of seeing Marshall get shot-that was going to suck. But what were a few measly memories compared to keeping Sam where he was and not in prison?
He just hoped it didn’t land him in prison.
“ … Thanks.” Sam sounded honestly stunned. “Can I ask why you’re doing this?”
Cas was quiet for a moment, before turning around on the roof to face him. “Do you really think he’s alive?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“Why?”
Sam paused for a moment, before shrugging slightly. “I dunno. It’s just this feeling in my gut. Like, I’d know if Dean was gone for good. Really know.”
Cas nodded slowly for a moment. “If he’s really out there, Sam? Find him.”
“I will.”
“Good.” He took a breath and reached for his vortex manipulator again. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go erase my memory of the past twenty-four hours.” He paused for a moment, before looking up at Sam. “Please tell me you have footage of Rachel shooting Marshall. That’s something I want preserved for all time.”
Sam laughed, before shaking his head. “I’ll send you a digital copy.”
“I knew I could count on you.” He took another breath, before setting the vortex and giving Sam a small salute. “Happy hunting, Sam.”
“Be careful, Cas.”
“I’m always careful.”
For some reason, those words seemed a little more hollow than normal.
851 words