Fic: Invincible Summer, Chapter One (FMA Mangaverse, Roy/Ed, Ensemble, not worksafe)

[sister_coyote]

Invincible Summer
Chapter One: Portions for Foxes
Ed looked happy sometimes, but Roy wasn't sure he'd ever seen him look content.
Fullmetal Alchemist, Roy/Ed, ensemble. 11,000 words.
NC-17. Post-manga; manga spoilers.
Note: This is the first of a series that will probably be quite long, but this first chapter should stand alone.

Comments

[piss_and_ink]

I may fall asleep before I get to part 2 because I'm exhausted, but I just wanted to say that this is amaaazing. I've been looking forward to this ever since you started mentioning it, and with good reason. I'm at the edge of my proverbial seat and it's not even a cliffhanger in any way. It's just that you KNOW that Ed is seriously fucked up in some way after the gate and the arrays when he got Al back. (Also, the scene in the hospital is so sweet in that Ed is so manic and still sort of in shock regarding Al actually being ok.) Also, MEI!!! Just another child-genius, nothing special.

(And Roy and Hawkeye's newspaper ritual is a) adorable, and b) SO like them. fabulous.)
And you know your writing is amazing. I don't even need to tell you. ;)

[sister_coyote]

*squee*

Thank you for your comment! I'm glad the story worked for you this far.

Poor Ed. :D

[naive_wanderer]

…his body so thin but tall, tall, he'd had trouble dragging it (naked and bloodstained, god what a sight they'd been) because it was so tall, which meant he'd kept it okay, which meant he hadn't ruined his brother permanently…

Oh, that broke my heart! Such a concise and poignant way of explaining Ed's anxiety.

This is brilliant. I love how natural the dialogue seems, and how nicely you've fleshed out the characters post-manga through their simpler actions. I especially enjoyed the descriptions of the differences between Alphonse and Edward. And you've certainly got me curious about what it is Ed saw!

There are a few typos here and there that did jar me a bit -- mostly a missing letter or a space between two letters in the same word -- but that's all. I'm off to read part 2!

[sister_coyote]

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I'm glad you enjoyed it -- particularly the dialog, which was both a challenge and a joy to write.

The typos, oy. ^_^;;;; Something went wonky with my word processor, hence the weirdly-placed spaces. I think I've cleaned then all up, but that was quite the embarrassing gaffe! I hope it wasn't too much trouble for you to read despite that.

[masa_reforged]

lovely first chapter. does a good job keeping tension without parading it around. just a touch of yaoi, and i love the descriptions and observations Roy and Ed make about Al. dialogue is solid, characters feel in character. and i have no clue where you're going with it, which is a good thing by me. i'll be sure to read the next one soon.

[sister_coyote]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it -- and especially that the characters felt in-character. :) That's very important to me.

[masa_reforged]

totally. some crack and OOC is fun for a change... but well, this is better!

[brinylon]

I love this! Before I go on to part 2 I want to point out a little inconsistency? You have given Maria Ross the rank of Major, but Roy calls her Lieutenant, was that on purpose?

[sister_coyote]

Eerk, good catch! How embarrassing. Fixed now!

[cranberrynomiko]

"That's true," Roy said. "And yet."

Have you read Jennifer Government? If not, you ought to -- that phrase will take on a whole new meaning for you. (Also, it's quite good.)

I'm adoring this story so far, even though I'm only partially versed in the series and I really should be sleeping soon. All your characters have so much personality!

[sister_coyote]

I haven't! I should see if the library has a copy.

I'm glad you're enjoying it! :D