Searching for a Pulse

[Ava Shay]

Comments

Review

[anonymous]

I like that your story is an ensemble cast. I'm most interested by the girl who's insecure about her appearance and the guy who took the girl home from the bar, especially the latter. You're obviously talented at writing description, but sometimes the description seemed a bit affected. Especially for the first character. Not every sentence has to be long, complicated and filled with description. I'm a very economical writer so maybe I'm biased, but I think sometimes short sentences are the most powerful.

[ext_825094]

Yeah, I do get carried away with the sentences some times. :D Sorry about that. I hope it doesn't affect the story too, too much.

Thanks for the comment though! I'm happy you like the characters. Heather is one of my favorites too. :D