THE VENTURI LEGACY: Generation 1.1
Hello, everyone!! This is our new, really perky and smiley friend, Kristen Venturi!! Except this picture is totally posed because Kristen hates me deep down in her little blackened soul. Kristen is a popularity sim who would love nothing more than to become a Hall of Famer.
This is Kristen's new legacy shack. Cute, right?
She doesn't think so.
Kristen takes out her aggressions on the innocent plastic flamingo, kicking him clean through the wall. Nice.
She attempts to comfort herself by popping a toaster pastry into the oven. You get one guess as to what happens next.
Predictable. Kristen, you shame me.
Yeah, you're pretty dumb.
However, she forgets about any and all blazing infernos to notice how fine that fire(wo?)man is.
Kristen: I love a (wo)man who knows how to handle a fire extinguisher!
Him/her/it: TOO MUCH INFO
Dejected, Kristen walks outside to greet the welcome wagon.
Kristen: I'm so fine that I'm turning you lesbian, right? You want to kiss me, am I right?
Curly-Haired-Bitch: ...slut
Kristen: Oh, and just in case you haven't noticed, I'm kind of broke. So do you think you could lend me a buck or two or a thousand?
Kristen just wouldn't take no for an answer.
And unfortunately, this lady is a raging bitchfest.
It doesn't end well.
Now, friends, take your time and appreciate Kristen's fighting expertise, because her only true talent is busting some bitches.
Oh, what's she watching?
Apparently her property has become the neighborhood rumbling ground. Alright, then.
Kristen got a job as a mascot. Wow, she is SO far along in her quest of athletic prowess!
The next morning, she continues to try and make friends, but no one actually likes her.
So she puts on the llama gear and sullenly heads off to work.
"mmmff... Is Kristen gonna have to choke a bitch? ....zzz"
That morning, she tried to chat up what she apparently thinks is a hottie.
Except he was kind of jailbait. Way to go, Krusty!
In her efforts to further convince me that she fails at everything, Kristen was fired from her LLAMA JOB because she is that irreparably pathetic.
So what does Kristen do? Calls the cops, hoping that some hunk will come and save her from her sad, sad life.
Except the hunk was a woman.
She was not pleased.
So she took Kristen's shower because Kristen couldn't afford the $500 fine for calling when there wasn't an emergency. To that, I say BITCH, PLEASE. It was totally an emergency. It's been 5 days, and Kristen has no friends because she's obviously not very likeable, and she has no cash flow because she got fired AND all of her enemies keep taking the newspaper before she can get a new job! Thus, Kristen cannot pay her bills or marry someone to get some $$, and there is no such thing as sim welfare. Also, there is something wrong with the fact that there are NO CHILLUNS.
All of this adds up to = FUCKING EMERGENCY. And Kristen now has to take the taxi to shower at the community pool twice a day.
Yeah, Kristen, you pretty much do fail at life. Do no pass go, do not collect $200. Actually, please do collect $200, and buy yourself something that will make you STOP SUCKING SO MUCH.
She was invited on an outing by some stranger.
And look who was there!
And here I was thinking she'd learned her lesson about underage boys.
Kristen spent the remainder of the night eating metal in the Electro-Dance Sphere.
Also, Creep Redhead followed her home from the outing and laid one on her when they returned to Kristen's shack.
And stayed in her house for a really long time and slept in her bed and ate her food.
...Oookay.
He laid another one on her before apologizing that he was leaving and promising to come back soon. Uh, no, honey. Please just stay gone.
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Oooh! So there it is, a brand new shiny legacy for everyone! I had a snow day today, so... I said "why not?" I will have a last post about the Levesques soon.
Tune in next time for the answers to the one question on everyone's mind:
Will Krusty ever stop sucking enough to find a man to pay her bills and bring forth the childrens?