FIC: "Iceberg Anatomy" (5/7)
Iceberg Anatomy
By Simarillion
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Universe: Alternative Universe
Rating: PG-13
Beta: asm_z
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki (one-sided), Jared Padalecki/Sandra McCoy (mentioned), others
Warnings: slash, M/M
Word Count: 3,193 (16,645 total)
Summary: Movie meets reality. At the end of the world a fateful meeting takes place.
Disclaimer: None of the herein presented happenings and events are true. Everything is 100% fiction and that includes the sexuality of the characters. I don’t claim to be in the know about their relations and private affairs, and I don’t make any money with the creation of this story.
Author’s Note: I changed the age of Jensen and Jared, they are the same age now. The plot wouldn’t really work otherwise.
This is part 2 of the Glaciology! ‘verse. Jensen is a scientist in the field of glaciology and he spends most of his time surrounded by ice, whereas Jared is a Hollywood movie star. Prequel to this story is Invisible Glaciers.
[ Masterpost]
Part Five
Danneel left some time during the night, so when Jensen wakes up the next morning, there’s a Danneel shaped mould next to him, but the spot is cold, which means that she’s been gone for some time.
Dean’s still sprawled over him, and the heat the husky emits, has Jensen sweating. It’s worse than a sauna. His pitiful attempts of untangling himself and shed some layers are seriously hindered by a more than unresponsive canine. All the moving and wriggling results only in two things. One he jars his injured foot, which has him curse loudly, in a variety of languages, and two Dean huffs put upon and promptly smothers Jensen some more.
His profanities were apparently heard from people passing by, because not a minute after his display of colourful language, the door opens and Jared peers inside. His hair is more or less kempt, which means that it has to be long past Jensen’s usual time to get up.
“Hi,” The greeting is offered tentatively, and at once Jensen’s reminded of their last conversation, if it even ranks as one, and its consequences. When he doesn’t respond in any way, Jared seems to take it as a welcoming signal, because suddenly Jensen finds himself alone with him. Except for Dean of course.
“How are you today?” Again the cautious tone. It grates on Jensen’s nerves. Yesterday, when he tried to be empathic, his kindness had been rudely refused, and now Jared behaves like it had been Jensen who told him off.
“Fine.” Which is a fat lie, but he wants to get this over with. He wants the other to return to whatever he’s supposed to do right now, snow shoe, or learn about Polar history, or survival training, or whatever else is on the curriculum.
“Okay.” It should be done now, but Jared lingers, he takes a step to the chair at the desk, stops himself, looks at Jensen - never meeting his eyes though, and takes a step back again. It’s just ridiculous.
“What do you want, Jared?” His question comes out harsher than he actually intended.
“I wanted to apologize. For my behaviour yesterday. I was kind of short with you.” This time he does sit down on the chair. “I was in a foul mood and I took it out on you. Sorry.”
“Okay.”
“We alright again?” Jared raises eyes from the perusal of his lap, and looks him in the face for the first time since he showed up in Jensen’s room.
“Sure.” He finds that he actually does forgive the other. True, he’s still a bit pissy with the outcome of everything, but in the end it was Jensen’s choice to go out, and it was Jensen’s ignorance that led to the injury. Most of all, he’s a guy, and bitching about how unfairly he had been treated by Jared is something a girl would do, not him. “So, you gonna tell me why you acted like a moron yesterday?” Okay, so maybe he can bitch some more, just a little bit.
“It was nothing.” Jared is once more back to staring at his lap, his hands rubbing over his knees. “Just something Chad said.”
“Okay.” He doesn’t push for more. If Jared wants to actually talk about it this time, he will.
“You know I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of months ago, and he said something about the relationship we had.” His eyes are focused on Dean now who climbs the bed and once more drapes himself over Jensen. “Something stupid.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Both, you and your girlfriend breaking up, and Chad being such a douchebag about it.” And he means it. Jared is a nice guy, and what he remembers seeing of him and Sandra McCoy together at the class reunion, had shown him that he cares a lot about the actress. “I thought that the two of you looked good together.”
“You saw us in the news?” This seems to distress Jared.
“No, I saw you and her at the class reunion two years ago. You seemed to have a good thing going on. I’m sorry that it wasn’t meant to last.” Jensen can see how the news about how he knows about Jared and Sandy, lifts a weight from Jared’s shoulders.
“Thanks.” He relaxes and promptly slouches on the chair. “I don’t remember seeing you at the class reunion.”
“I would be surprised if you did. Me and Chris kept mostly in the back. More watching than seeing.” Jensen smiles warmly at him. “I never was one for the limelight, not at high school and not now.”
“I’ve got no problem with that.” A cheeky grin accompanies the statement.
“No shit, Mr. Hollywood.” Now that the banter is back, Jensen feels much calmer. The tension between them had been weighing much more on him than he had been willing to admit, even to himself.
“Jerk.”
“Bitch.”
Jared grins harder, dimples and all. “So, how come I never saw you at the reunion and I can’t remember you from high school?”
“Don’t feel bad about that. No-one from high school will remember me. It was my weirdo mutant teenage ability. I was invisible.” He smiles at that. Back then he couldn’t make fun of the situation. He hadn’t been upset about it, not much at least, but he had always been resentful about being left out of so many things.
“What do you mean invisible?” Jared frowns confused. Someone like CW-high-star-quarter-back-Hollywood-movie-star can’t understand a concept that alien to him.
“Invisible means invisible. People just never saw me. Never even noticed I was there.” Talking about it brings back a lot of memories. “It had been like that for a very long time. Until I started college.”
“That sucks.” And he means it. Jared looks at him now, as if Jensen was some poor abused kid, who suffered the worst fate in the world. Usually Jensen hates pity, but somehow Jared’s version of it, makes him laugh.
“Naw, it was okay, sometimes even great.” He winks at him conspiratorially. “Just imagine, never getting chewed out by Mr. Ellis, or tortured in front of everyone by Mrs. Humphris.”
“I can see how your ability came in handy at times like that. Still, must have been boring to be alone all the time.”
“Well, I wasn’t exactly alone. I had, and still have, Chris. He’s my oldest pal.” Thinking about his friend has him smile. “We had lots of fun.”
“Is he the Chris you hid with at the reunion?” It’s funny to have Jared Padalecki this interested in the personal life of one Jensen Ackles.
“Yeah, he was the one who told me about it in the first place. Forced me to go there even after spending the night before at his concert. Chris was even more hung over than I was.” Dean noses at his hand, signalling his wish to be petted. Jensen scratches him behind the ears, and cards through the husky’s thick fur.
“Chris sings?” This seems to raise Jared’s spirit. He attentively watches Jensen and Dean.
“Yeah, him and his friend Steve. Their band’s called Kane. They play mostly Country and Country Rock.” He grins. “You know, mopey guys singing about heart break and lost money.”
“I know them. I went to one of their shows in LA: That was a while back though, five years or so.” The fact that Jared knows Chris’ band, and has been to one of their concerts throws him. Somehow he never considered that their worlds overlapped in the past, before Jared came out here to Alaska. “I liked their music, heart break and all.”
“Well, being a Texas boy, it’s written into your DNA that you have to like Country. Can’t really help it.” They chuckle at that. There are far too many jokes about Texas and cowboys, to not find it funny.
“So, you said you stopped being invisible at college. How did that happen?” And with that they are back at the topic.
“I don’t even know. It just happened. One moment I was this loner, who only had one friend, who I didn’t talk to at that time, and the next moment I have six friends with whom I went through thick and thin.” He realizes he hasn’t talked to Gabe or Chad in a long time, and even though he exchanges e-mails with Mike from time to time, he hasn’t seen him for a couple of years.
“You still friends with them?”
“Yeah, but I haven’t seen them for quite some time now. Gabe works with some research institute out in Québec. He got his degree in bioengineering. Chad stayed at UA and teaches and researches in the field of Mechatronic.” The last picture he saw of his friend, he had still been sporting the mullet. “Mike is living with Tom in San Francisco now, and he’s employed with some governmental department in the area of resource management. Tom is working at another department. Kristen married some Mountie and has two kids, and Sophia is an editor with a small newspaper at her home town.”
“They sound like nice people.” Yes, they are. They are the best of people, and Jensen wouldn’t want to have missed out on getting to share his life with them.
“We were unstoppable. The girls were even worse than us guys. Of course they were never blamed. Surprisingly enough, Mike was the one who always got into trouble for the things we did.” Jensen laughs at the memories of their antics. More than once their friend had had to pay for something someone else had done. Being a true friend though, he had never told on any of them.
“That’s something I regret not having done, going to college. Don’t take me wrong, I love what I do, and I enjoyed starting out as an actor, but there are just so many stories in my family about my sister, or my brother going to college, and all the fun they had.” There’s no regret in Jared’s voice though. It strikes Jensen has odd that he got to experience something Jared wanted to do, but never got around to.
“So, why didn’t you go to college? I mean, did you go off to tinsel town right out of high school?” This is something Jensen has been interested in for some time now. With him never reading gossip rags, neither in printed form, nor in the online version, he has no knowledge about Jared’s start as an actor.
“I knew already in high school that I wanted to go into acting, not the school play acting, but TV and movies. So, I had professional photos taken and wrote a resume, and sent them off to every casting agency I could find. My parents weren’t too happy about my choice of profession. I mean, they supported me and all, but my dad wanted me to keep on playing football, and my mum always talked about becoming a lawyer or a doctor.” Jared grins at him conspiratorial. “It was my luck that I got picked up by an agency rather quickly. They phoned me and told me that they received scripts for a TV show, and that there’s a character in it that would fit me. It was my first role, Dean Forester.”
When Jensen does not react to the name, Jared laughs amused. “You have no idea what TV show I’m talking about.”
“No, sorry. Was it very popular?” At this Jared cracks up and wipes tears from his eyes.
“You could say so.” Slowly he calms down. “Are you telling me you’ve never heard of Gilmore Girls?”
“No. I guess wasn’t very attentive where TV shows are concerned. I do remember my sister talking about a show called Gilmore Girls though.” Jensen looks contrite. He’s not sure if it’s rude that he doesn’t know something that apparently was of such importance in Jared’s life.
“Actually I think it’s awesome that you don’t know all that media and publicity crap that goes along with being famous. There have been so many stupid stories printed and reported about my life and career, that sometimes I hate meeting new people. I always wonder what they read and heard about me.” Jensen can understand how that might be awkward, and more than a little annoying. Thankfully this is something that he never had to experience, and very likely will never have to face in the future.
“What happened after Gilmore Girls?” Dean rolls on his back and presents his stomach to Jensen. It’s his unmistakeable signal for ‘pay more attention to me and rub my stomach. Jensen obediently follows suit.
“After Gilmore Girls, I auditioned for a couple of movies. I did a Horror flick, a romantic comedy, and two action flicks before I got the lead in ’Pussy/Cat’, the Quentin Tarantino movie. It was a huge success, as was to be expected with Tarantino, and suddenly I got offers left and right. I made some right choices, worked with Spielberg, Scorcese, and starred in an independent production by Clint Eastwood.” The way Jared talks about people who are that famous, the same way Jensen talks about his research colleagues, is a little bizarre. No-one Jensen knows should be able to talk like that.
“So, how did you end up willingly being shipped out to Alaska?” His question has Jared smile amused.
“Well, I was sent this script about a historic drama about the early Polar expeditions. My character is one of the guys who spends all his life trying to discover places where no-one else has been. In the end he doesn’t survive one of the expeditions, though.” Jensen can see the appeal of such a movie. He might even be interested in going to the theatres and watch it.
“Dude, you told me how the story ends!” His mock outrage earns him a raised eyebrow and a snort.
“After reading a couple of biographies of these guys, I would have been surprised if it had ended any other way.” There’s some truth in that.
“D’you mind my asking why you and Sandy broke up?” He’s not sure if Jared is willing to talk about it, especially since Chad talked trash about it the day before, but he can’t help but want to know. It’s Jared and Alexis all over again.
Something passes behind Jared’s eyes and for a moment it seems like he won’t answer. But then he does. “It’s nothing dramatic, really. We were together for a couple of years, had a good time, and then everyone started to write in the papers how something had to be wrong with our relationship. What with our being a couple for so long and me not proposing.” He grimaces at the last words. Not a happy memory it seems. “We, no, I should rather say, I, felt put on the spot. I started wondering if they were right, and then I decided put an end to all those rumours. We were in Cannes and on the way back to the States we stayed in Paris for the weekend. I had it all planned, proposed to her on the Eiffel Tower.”
“And she said ‘no’?” He feels bad for Jared.
“No, worse. She said yes.” Jensen doesn’t know how to respond to that.
“I take it; it was not what you wanted.”
“I thought it was, at that time. But, then we returned home and I read about our romantic trip to the city of love. I was standing in my kitchen, newspaper in hand, and asked myself what I was doing. I felt like I had trapped myself in something I wouldn’t be able to get out of, and that made me realise that the marriage was a bad idea. I mean, who thinks about possibilities of escape when they are thinking about the person they want to spend their life with.” Jared rubs over his face as if he’s trying to erase an unpleasant or disturbing thought. “Well, it went downhill from there on. We still enjoyed our time together but I was feeling more caged in. In the end it was Sandy who said that she thought it would be better to call it quits. At that time I felt so relieved.”
“And now?” Jensen can see that it the whole affair was much harder for Jared than he lets on. “D’you still feel relieved?”
“I don’t know how I feel about it. I still like Sandy and we stayed friends despite the whole mess the press made out of the whole affair. She’s really something else, but maybe she just wasn’t the right one for me.” He sighs heavily. “My parents were disappointed. My mother had already started planning the wedding, and I felt, and still feel, like I let everyone down.”
Jensen wants to say something to let Jared know that he thinks it was a good idea to stop the engagement and everything before they were married and found themselves wanting to get out. But somehow he’s sure that Jared doesn’t want him to say anything.
“And Chad, he just can’t stop talking bullshit about Sandy. I know that his two marriages and the divorces were crap, and that he’s had some crappy experiences, but I refuse to think badly about Sandy just so he can feel better. She didn’t do anything wrong, in fact she helped me right a wrong that was my fault to begin with.” At that he laughs self-depreciatingly.
“Maybe he can’t help but see himself in you. He just wants to help.” Jensen never though he would defend the actions of one Chad Michael Murray. The world is a strange place sometimes.
“Yeah, I know. But, still, I don’t want to listen to him going on and on about ‘cold-hearted bitches’. And yesterday he wouldn’t stop, not even after I called him on it more than once.” Jared looks him in the eyes. “And I’m really sorry about being an ass when you showed up.”
“Hey, it’s long forgotten.” And after listening to Jared talk about Sandy and Chad, and seeing how much he still hurts - no matter if he says otherwise - Jensen finds that Jared wasn’t the only one over-reacting yesterday. Jensen threw his own internal hissy fit, and he doesn’t have the excuse Jared has. Except maybe some teenage emo crush on the actor.
Jared smiles gratefully at him. There is exhaustion in his posture and also in his mimicry, but there’s also happiness lurking in the corner of his eyes.
It fills him with warmth to see that the other confided in him about such private and personal things. It gives him the illusion of taking a special place in Jared’s life. Even if it isn’t so.
They grin at each other and then Jensen asks about the dogs, which has Jared start his tale about this morning and how him and Danneel took care of the huskies on their own. The sadness disappears behind the sunny nature that usually is the only face a person gets to see with Jared.
continue: Part Six
By Simarillion
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Universe: Alternative Universe
Rating: PG-13
Beta: asm_z
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki (one-sided), Jared Padalecki/Sandra McCoy (mentioned), others
Warnings: slash, M/M
Word Count: 3,193 (16,645 total)
Summary: Movie meets reality. At the end of the world a fateful meeting takes place.
Disclaimer: None of the herein presented happenings and events are true. Everything is 100% fiction and that includes the sexuality of the characters. I don’t claim to be in the know about their relations and private affairs, and I don’t make any money with the creation of this story.
Author’s Note: I changed the age of Jensen and Jared, they are the same age now. The plot wouldn’t really work otherwise.
This is part 2 of the Glaciology! ‘verse. Jensen is a scientist in the field of glaciology and he spends most of his time surrounded by ice, whereas Jared is a Hollywood movie star. Prequel to this story is Invisible Glaciers.
[ Masterpost]
Part Five
Danneel left some time during the night, so when Jensen wakes up the next morning, there’s a Danneel shaped mould next to him, but the spot is cold, which means that she’s been gone for some time.
Dean’s still sprawled over him, and the heat the husky emits, has Jensen sweating. It’s worse than a sauna. His pitiful attempts of untangling himself and shed some layers are seriously hindered by a more than unresponsive canine. All the moving and wriggling results only in two things. One he jars his injured foot, which has him curse loudly, in a variety of languages, and two Dean huffs put upon and promptly smothers Jensen some more.
His profanities were apparently heard from people passing by, because not a minute after his display of colourful language, the door opens and Jared peers inside. His hair is more or less kempt, which means that it has to be long past Jensen’s usual time to get up.
“Hi,” The greeting is offered tentatively, and at once Jensen’s reminded of their last conversation, if it even ranks as one, and its consequences. When he doesn’t respond in any way, Jared seems to take it as a welcoming signal, because suddenly Jensen finds himself alone with him. Except for Dean of course.
“How are you today?” Again the cautious tone. It grates on Jensen’s nerves. Yesterday, when he tried to be empathic, his kindness had been rudely refused, and now Jared behaves like it had been Jensen who told him off.
“Fine.” Which is a fat lie, but he wants to get this over with. He wants the other to return to whatever he’s supposed to do right now, snow shoe, or learn about Polar history, or survival training, or whatever else is on the curriculum.
“Okay.” It should be done now, but Jared lingers, he takes a step to the chair at the desk, stops himself, looks at Jensen - never meeting his eyes though, and takes a step back again. It’s just ridiculous.
“What do you want, Jared?” His question comes out harsher than he actually intended.
“I wanted to apologize. For my behaviour yesterday. I was kind of short with you.” This time he does sit down on the chair. “I was in a foul mood and I took it out on you. Sorry.”
“Okay.”
“We alright again?” Jared raises eyes from the perusal of his lap, and looks him in the face for the first time since he showed up in Jensen’s room.
“Sure.” He finds that he actually does forgive the other. True, he’s still a bit pissy with the outcome of everything, but in the end it was Jensen’s choice to go out, and it was Jensen’s ignorance that led to the injury. Most of all, he’s a guy, and bitching about how unfairly he had been treated by Jared is something a girl would do, not him. “So, you gonna tell me why you acted like a moron yesterday?” Okay, so maybe he can bitch some more, just a little bit.
“It was nothing.” Jared is once more back to staring at his lap, his hands rubbing over his knees. “Just something Chad said.”
“Okay.” He doesn’t push for more. If Jared wants to actually talk about it this time, he will.
“You know I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of months ago, and he said something about the relationship we had.” His eyes are focused on Dean now who climbs the bed and once more drapes himself over Jensen. “Something stupid.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Both, you and your girlfriend breaking up, and Chad being such a douchebag about it.” And he means it. Jared is a nice guy, and what he remembers seeing of him and Sandra McCoy together at the class reunion, had shown him that he cares a lot about the actress. “I thought that the two of you looked good together.”
“You saw us in the news?” This seems to distress Jared.
“No, I saw you and her at the class reunion two years ago. You seemed to have a good thing going on. I’m sorry that it wasn’t meant to last.” Jensen can see how the news about how he knows about Jared and Sandy, lifts a weight from Jared’s shoulders.
“Thanks.” He relaxes and promptly slouches on the chair. “I don’t remember seeing you at the class reunion.”
“I would be surprised if you did. Me and Chris kept mostly in the back. More watching than seeing.” Jensen smiles warmly at him. “I never was one for the limelight, not at high school and not now.”
“I’ve got no problem with that.” A cheeky grin accompanies the statement.
“No shit, Mr. Hollywood.” Now that the banter is back, Jensen feels much calmer. The tension between them had been weighing much more on him than he had been willing to admit, even to himself.
“Jerk.”
“Bitch.”
Jared grins harder, dimples and all. “So, how come I never saw you at the reunion and I can’t remember you from high school?”
“Don’t feel bad about that. No-one from high school will remember me. It was my weirdo mutant teenage ability. I was invisible.” He smiles at that. Back then he couldn’t make fun of the situation. He hadn’t been upset about it, not much at least, but he had always been resentful about being left out of so many things.
“What do you mean invisible?” Jared frowns confused. Someone like CW-high-star-quarter-back-Hollywood-movie-star can’t understand a concept that alien to him.
“Invisible means invisible. People just never saw me. Never even noticed I was there.” Talking about it brings back a lot of memories. “It had been like that for a very long time. Until I started college.”
“That sucks.” And he means it. Jared looks at him now, as if Jensen was some poor abused kid, who suffered the worst fate in the world. Usually Jensen hates pity, but somehow Jared’s version of it, makes him laugh.
“Naw, it was okay, sometimes even great.” He winks at him conspiratorially. “Just imagine, never getting chewed out by Mr. Ellis, or tortured in front of everyone by Mrs. Humphris.”
“I can see how your ability came in handy at times like that. Still, must have been boring to be alone all the time.”
“Well, I wasn’t exactly alone. I had, and still have, Chris. He’s my oldest pal.” Thinking about his friend has him smile. “We had lots of fun.”
“Is he the Chris you hid with at the reunion?” It’s funny to have Jared Padalecki this interested in the personal life of one Jensen Ackles.
“Yeah, he was the one who told me about it in the first place. Forced me to go there even after spending the night before at his concert. Chris was even more hung over than I was.” Dean noses at his hand, signalling his wish to be petted. Jensen scratches him behind the ears, and cards through the husky’s thick fur.
“Chris sings?” This seems to raise Jared’s spirit. He attentively watches Jensen and Dean.
“Yeah, him and his friend Steve. Their band’s called Kane. They play mostly Country and Country Rock.” He grins. “You know, mopey guys singing about heart break and lost money.”
“I know them. I went to one of their shows in LA: That was a while back though, five years or so.” The fact that Jared knows Chris’ band, and has been to one of their concerts throws him. Somehow he never considered that their worlds overlapped in the past, before Jared came out here to Alaska. “I liked their music, heart break and all.”
“Well, being a Texas boy, it’s written into your DNA that you have to like Country. Can’t really help it.” They chuckle at that. There are far too many jokes about Texas and cowboys, to not find it funny.
“So, you said you stopped being invisible at college. How did that happen?” And with that they are back at the topic.
“I don’t even know. It just happened. One moment I was this loner, who only had one friend, who I didn’t talk to at that time, and the next moment I have six friends with whom I went through thick and thin.” He realizes he hasn’t talked to Gabe or Chad in a long time, and even though he exchanges e-mails with Mike from time to time, he hasn’t seen him for a couple of years.
“You still friends with them?”
“Yeah, but I haven’t seen them for quite some time now. Gabe works with some research institute out in Québec. He got his degree in bioengineering. Chad stayed at UA and teaches and researches in the field of Mechatronic.” The last picture he saw of his friend, he had still been sporting the mullet. “Mike is living with Tom in San Francisco now, and he’s employed with some governmental department in the area of resource management. Tom is working at another department. Kristen married some Mountie and has two kids, and Sophia is an editor with a small newspaper at her home town.”
“They sound like nice people.” Yes, they are. They are the best of people, and Jensen wouldn’t want to have missed out on getting to share his life with them.
“We were unstoppable. The girls were even worse than us guys. Of course they were never blamed. Surprisingly enough, Mike was the one who always got into trouble for the things we did.” Jensen laughs at the memories of their antics. More than once their friend had had to pay for something someone else had done. Being a true friend though, he had never told on any of them.
“That’s something I regret not having done, going to college. Don’t take me wrong, I love what I do, and I enjoyed starting out as an actor, but there are just so many stories in my family about my sister, or my brother going to college, and all the fun they had.” There’s no regret in Jared’s voice though. It strikes Jensen has odd that he got to experience something Jared wanted to do, but never got around to.
“So, why didn’t you go to college? I mean, did you go off to tinsel town right out of high school?” This is something Jensen has been interested in for some time now. With him never reading gossip rags, neither in printed form, nor in the online version, he has no knowledge about Jared’s start as an actor.
“I knew already in high school that I wanted to go into acting, not the school play acting, but TV and movies. So, I had professional photos taken and wrote a resume, and sent them off to every casting agency I could find. My parents weren’t too happy about my choice of profession. I mean, they supported me and all, but my dad wanted me to keep on playing football, and my mum always talked about becoming a lawyer or a doctor.” Jared grins at him conspiratorial. “It was my luck that I got picked up by an agency rather quickly. They phoned me and told me that they received scripts for a TV show, and that there’s a character in it that would fit me. It was my first role, Dean Forester.”
When Jensen does not react to the name, Jared laughs amused. “You have no idea what TV show I’m talking about.”
“No, sorry. Was it very popular?” At this Jared cracks up and wipes tears from his eyes.
“You could say so.” Slowly he calms down. “Are you telling me you’ve never heard of Gilmore Girls?”
“No. I guess wasn’t very attentive where TV shows are concerned. I do remember my sister talking about a show called Gilmore Girls though.” Jensen looks contrite. He’s not sure if it’s rude that he doesn’t know something that apparently was of such importance in Jared’s life.
“Actually I think it’s awesome that you don’t know all that media and publicity crap that goes along with being famous. There have been so many stupid stories printed and reported about my life and career, that sometimes I hate meeting new people. I always wonder what they read and heard about me.” Jensen can understand how that might be awkward, and more than a little annoying. Thankfully this is something that he never had to experience, and very likely will never have to face in the future.
“What happened after Gilmore Girls?” Dean rolls on his back and presents his stomach to Jensen. It’s his unmistakeable signal for ‘pay more attention to me and rub my stomach. Jensen obediently follows suit.
“After Gilmore Girls, I auditioned for a couple of movies. I did a Horror flick, a romantic comedy, and two action flicks before I got the lead in ’Pussy/Cat’, the Quentin Tarantino movie. It was a huge success, as was to be expected with Tarantino, and suddenly I got offers left and right. I made some right choices, worked with Spielberg, Scorcese, and starred in an independent production by Clint Eastwood.” The way Jared talks about people who are that famous, the same way Jensen talks about his research colleagues, is a little bizarre. No-one Jensen knows should be able to talk like that.
“So, how did you end up willingly being shipped out to Alaska?” His question has Jared smile amused.
“Well, I was sent this script about a historic drama about the early Polar expeditions. My character is one of the guys who spends all his life trying to discover places where no-one else has been. In the end he doesn’t survive one of the expeditions, though.” Jensen can see the appeal of such a movie. He might even be interested in going to the theatres and watch it.
“Dude, you told me how the story ends!” His mock outrage earns him a raised eyebrow and a snort.
“After reading a couple of biographies of these guys, I would have been surprised if it had ended any other way.” There’s some truth in that.
“D’you mind my asking why you and Sandy broke up?” He’s not sure if Jared is willing to talk about it, especially since Chad talked trash about it the day before, but he can’t help but want to know. It’s Jared and Alexis all over again.
Something passes behind Jared’s eyes and for a moment it seems like he won’t answer. But then he does. “It’s nothing dramatic, really. We were together for a couple of years, had a good time, and then everyone started to write in the papers how something had to be wrong with our relationship. What with our being a couple for so long and me not proposing.” He grimaces at the last words. Not a happy memory it seems. “We, no, I should rather say, I, felt put on the spot. I started wondering if they were right, and then I decided put an end to all those rumours. We were in Cannes and on the way back to the States we stayed in Paris for the weekend. I had it all planned, proposed to her on the Eiffel Tower.”
“And she said ‘no’?” He feels bad for Jared.
“No, worse. She said yes.” Jensen doesn’t know how to respond to that.
“I take it; it was not what you wanted.”
“I thought it was, at that time. But, then we returned home and I read about our romantic trip to the city of love. I was standing in my kitchen, newspaper in hand, and asked myself what I was doing. I felt like I had trapped myself in something I wouldn’t be able to get out of, and that made me realise that the marriage was a bad idea. I mean, who thinks about possibilities of escape when they are thinking about the person they want to spend their life with.” Jared rubs over his face as if he’s trying to erase an unpleasant or disturbing thought. “Well, it went downhill from there on. We still enjoyed our time together but I was feeling more caged in. In the end it was Sandy who said that she thought it would be better to call it quits. At that time I felt so relieved.”
“And now?” Jensen can see that it the whole affair was much harder for Jared than he lets on. “D’you still feel relieved?”
“I don’t know how I feel about it. I still like Sandy and we stayed friends despite the whole mess the press made out of the whole affair. She’s really something else, but maybe she just wasn’t the right one for me.” He sighs heavily. “My parents were disappointed. My mother had already started planning the wedding, and I felt, and still feel, like I let everyone down.”
Jensen wants to say something to let Jared know that he thinks it was a good idea to stop the engagement and everything before they were married and found themselves wanting to get out. But somehow he’s sure that Jared doesn’t want him to say anything.
“And Chad, he just can’t stop talking bullshit about Sandy. I know that his two marriages and the divorces were crap, and that he’s had some crappy experiences, but I refuse to think badly about Sandy just so he can feel better. She didn’t do anything wrong, in fact she helped me right a wrong that was my fault to begin with.” At that he laughs self-depreciatingly.
“Maybe he can’t help but see himself in you. He just wants to help.” Jensen never though he would defend the actions of one Chad Michael Murray. The world is a strange place sometimes.
“Yeah, I know. But, still, I don’t want to listen to him going on and on about ‘cold-hearted bitches’. And yesterday he wouldn’t stop, not even after I called him on it more than once.” Jared looks him in the eyes. “And I’m really sorry about being an ass when you showed up.”
“Hey, it’s long forgotten.” And after listening to Jared talk about Sandy and Chad, and seeing how much he still hurts - no matter if he says otherwise - Jensen finds that Jared wasn’t the only one over-reacting yesterday. Jensen threw his own internal hissy fit, and he doesn’t have the excuse Jared has. Except maybe some teenage emo crush on the actor.
Jared smiles gratefully at him. There is exhaustion in his posture and also in his mimicry, but there’s also happiness lurking in the corner of his eyes.
It fills him with warmth to see that the other confided in him about such private and personal things. It gives him the illusion of taking a special place in Jared’s life. Even if it isn’t so.
They grin at each other and then Jensen asks about the dogs, which has Jared start his tale about this morning and how him and Danneel took care of the huskies on their own. The sadness disappears behind the sunny nature that usually is the only face a person gets to see with Jared.
continue: Part Six