Discussion time

[sim_kizz]

Hey guys,

Bored as I was, I began rummaging through the countless online quizzes that Jade-Feathers had posted on her LJ when I came across this particular Quiz How Boyish or Girlish Are You?. let me just say it was seeming to be another lame quiz and to tell you the truth it is, until I got to question 4

Comments

[heapha]

I believe the concept is that males are more upset about the physical and females the emotional - or maybe it's the opposite I know that I get more upset about the emotional but then I am quite masculine

hear you are piking on dinner

[sim_kizz]

thats the idea. By selecting "Fell in love with someone else" the test would indicate that its a feminen quality. While "Did something physically with someone else" would pull you towards male.

yeah to much work sorry :(

[sim_kizz]

Toughie indeed.

people don't choose to fall in love its not their fault. While sleeping with someone else is a deliberate act against you.

not necessarily my opinion but an argument.

but I agree:

"I'd be rather upset either way, but that'd really hurt."

[falsely_accused]

anyone who says people don't choose to fall in love is kidding themselves. It is often a totally concious decision. Just because it can be an unconcious decision too doesn't make it less blame worthy. It just means people aren't really all that self-aware/ self-controlled.

[sim_james]

   I think that blame is an inappropriate choice of word here. You can’t really blame people for unconscious decisions; “You should have been more self-aware!” is not helpful.

People do have a responsiblity for everything they do, including unconscious things, and once somebody discovers that they’ve been unconsciously falling in love (or whatever) then you can certainly hold them accountable for their actions from that point.

There is a big difference between the person who deliberately chooses to do something hurtful, being consciously aware of the ramifications of that act; and the person who unconsciously does the same thing, motivated by factors that they are not even aware of.
   

[falsely_accused]

What the target of my affection does is her business. I decided to love her, if she does not choose to love me thats her right, it hardly impacts on me, or my feelings. Love need not be reciprocated to be enjoyed.

It would say a fair bit about my ability to pick em though.(Of course this is really just a theory, as while not poor, im not really rich enough for someone to choose to date me without having feelings for me).

That said I'd probably go with more upset by love, as both acts could be done willfully, but sex can be the result of a nights booze, or similar misjudgement, while unthought through love takes time to build, time in which she could have discussed the growing emotions with me.

actually I think its the how you find out part that would make the biggest impact on which is worse for me.

[sim_james]

   I find it difficult to use the word “sweetie” seriously. Oh well...

I’d be far more upset if my “sweetie” fell in love with someone else. A physical liason with someone else is a betrayal of trust and shows that there’s obviously some problems in the relationship. That might spell doom, but perhaps things can be worked out.

Falling in love with someone else, on the other hand... well, the relationship is much more likely to be over.
   

[thebluefairy]

That sums up really well what I was going to say!

[smokedamage]

Fell in love with someone else.
Did something physically with someone else.

Both of them signal the death knell of the relationship.

The main difference between them is one is momentary and the other longer term. Perhaps damage done from something physical can be repaired, but if you lose someones heart - that's the end.