Title: Walls of His Heart Chapter: Prologue/? Author: phyncke Character(s): Fingolfin and Ariannon (OC) Beta(s): Jaiden_s (with reads by Tuxedo_Elf and khyleaRating: G (this chapter) (may be NC-17/undecided/possible slash later
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Since you need some comments on this group as well I decided to post here rather than on your LJ :)
I enjoyed the start of this very much and I am looking forward to more. I would be a bit more eloquent on my comments if I was actually awake yet *lol* But for now I will just say that it was a lovely thing to read first thing in the morning and that I suspect I am already in love with your Fingolfin :)
Sorry to take so long in commenting! I think you've got a nice start here; I certainly like how it leaps feet-first into the action. (I have trouble with this in my own writing. *admires*) And there is a slightly bewildered feel to it that fits your narrator.
I was a bit puzzled at first as to who "he" was. Really, that's my only concrit. But you might consider using the character's name for the first "he," just to get readers on board with you. :)
But this is an intriguing start to your series! I'm interested to see how this progresses and really intrigued to see your Fingolfin. (His amusement fascinates me because it makes me wonder of you're breaking the stiff!uptight!Fingolfin mold a bit, which would be a welcome change!)
Comments 3
I enjoyed the start of this very much and I am looking forward to more. I would be a bit more eloquent on my comments if I was actually awake yet *lol* But for now I will just say that it was a lovely thing to read first thing in the morning and that I suspect I am already in love with your Fingolfin :)
Thanks for sharing
Uli
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Thank you for reading. This one will be posted as I write it. I want something to keep me writing.
:)
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I was a bit puzzled at first as to who "he" was. Really, that's my only concrit. But you might consider using the character's name for the first "he," just to get readers on board with you. :)
But this is an intriguing start to your series! I'm interested to see how this progresses and really intrigued to see your Fingolfin. (His amusement fascinates me because it makes me wonder of you're breaking the stiff!uptight!Fingolfin mold a bit, which would be a welcome change!)
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