Life's Not-so-little Surprises, Part Three

[silverraven]

It isn’t even five seconds after GI tumor board ends for the week that Danneel is dragging Jensen out of the conference room, and he had wanted to discuss a patient’s biopsy reading further with the pathologist. “I need to talk with Brett-"

“E-mail him,” Danneel quickly replies. “Now come on, we still have a few minutes before clinic starts.”

“Bossy,” he hisses, but let’s Danneel lead him through the hospital. He knows what’s coming, she’s been on him every Monday for weeks now like a shark scenting blood, following and nipping at Jensen until she is satisfied. “What did you do on Saturday?” she asks as they enter the service elevator.

Jensen, having lost the fight awhile ago, quickly answers, “We went back to school shopping.” He can’t believe how fast the few weeks have gone or that in another couple weeks Ashley will be starting first grade. “Then we went to a ballgame.”

“I thought you said Jared doesn’t like baseball?”

“Yeah, but Ashley does, and you know I do too, so…”

“Jared has to endure?”

Jensen shrugs and Danneel continues, “And what about Sunday? Did you make dinner for them again?”

“Yeah,” he answers as they exit the elevator and maneuver around the people waiting to get on.

Danneel smirks. “That makes what… the fifth Sunday in a row?” She hooks her arm through his, leading the way towards Jensen office (with her being a fellow, she doesn’t have her own).

Jensen nods.

“Aww, princess loves to cook for his family.” Her smirk widens.

“It’s not like that,” Jensen says, but feels his cheeks heating. “They’re not my family, well, Ash is, but she’s… I mean- look, Jared can’t cook. That first Sunday, I asked him to boil the rice while I seasoned the chicken. He undercooked it, like chewing rocks. It was rice in a bag, Danni! Who the heck messes that up?”

Danneel chuckles.

“It’s nothing but take-out and fast food over there. Shit isn’t healthy, least of all for a little girl,” Jensen says. “So I cook ‘em dinner once a week that’ll last a few days, it’s not a big deal. Nothing that I don’t already make for myself.”

She turns him to face her as they arrive at Jensen’s door. “It is a big deal, Jensen. Yes, you want Ashley to eat better, but it’s more than that. You care. And you like it, like cooking and providing for your little girl and your man.”

“He isn’t-"

“But you want him to be,” she replies with a wicked grin and, of course, Danni’s pager chooses that moment to go off. “I gotta go, probably be in surgery during lunch, but I’ll call you later tonight, okay?” She doesn’t wait for Jensen’s answer, just squeezes his shoulder before running off.

Jensen shakes his head fondly at Danneel’s retreating figure; the lady has a point. He does want Jared, who wouldn’t? A talented writer who’s handsome and caring and funny and built like a fucking brickhouse. No, wanting Jared isn’t the problem, he thinks as he unlocks the door to his office and switches on the light, it’s not knowing whether Jared wants him back.

Jensen is almost positive he’s seen a spark of desire in Jared’s eyes on more than one occasion, but, so far, Jared hasn’t made any moves.

He bites his lip, wondering for the hundredth time if he shouldn’t go for it, just kiss the big man already, but no, he can’t. He doesn’t want there to be any doubt in Jared’s mind that Jensen wants him for him and not because of Ashley, that there’s no ulterior motive.

Jared has to be the one to make the first move, but at the rate he’s working, Jensen may die of blue balls first.

Jensen sighs, waiting for his computer to load and wondering if he has time to check his e-mail before one of the nurses informs him that his first patient is ready.

And what if Jared does kiss him? Or just shoves him against a wall and fucks him right into next week - shit, Jensen can’t suppress a shiver at that thought, knowing he would spread his legs wide and beg Jared to pound him harder.

And then what? A sexual relationship on top of whatever they have now would only complicate things more.

Maybe it’s a good thing that Jared hasn’t done anything. Probably better for everyone involved if they didn’t add sex to the mix. Jensen’s dick doesn’t agree, but there are plenty of people out there who’ll be happy to scratch that itch.



Jensen startles when he hears the knock on his door. It’s late on a Thursday night, he is just about to shut off the TV and head for bed. He hits the power button on the remote anyway, getting up from the couch as he tells Ick to quiet down and looks through his peep hole.

He should have known it would be Chris; he and Danneel are the only two people Jensen has introduced to both the daytime and nighttime doormen. He should do the same for Jared and Ashley, Jensen realizes, frowning at himself for not already thinking of it, and opens his door.

“It’s good to see you, man,” Jensen says, sharing a quick hug with Chris. “What are you doing here?” Chris lives in LA, where his band has a steady gig and where Carlson and Kane Investigations is located.

“Missed seeing your pretty face, Jenny-boy,” he says with a grin.

Jensen gives him the bird, Chris gave him that nickname freshman year at college when he learned that Jensen was only sixteen, and Jensen’s response to it is always the same.

Icarus makes his presence known then, yelping around Chris’ feet. For all of Chris’ tough guy act, he has a definite soft spot for Jensen’s little dog. He quickly sets the thick manila folder, that only then Jensen sees Chris had been holding, on the coffee table and parks himself on Jensen’s recliner. Icarus immediately jumps into his lap, and Chris runs a hand down his back, whispering something that Jensen can’t make out.

“That Jared’s file?” Jensen asks, and goes to grab two beers from the fridge.

“Yeah,” Chris says when Jensen returns, uttering a quick thanks before twisting the bottle open and taking a huge gulp.

“So…” Jensen trails off, reclaiming his earlier spot on the couch, eyeing the folder.

Chris snorts, and Icarus jumps down, scampering towards the doggy door that Jensen had installed next to his balcony sliding doors.

“So,” Chris repeats, mouth turned down. “That’s all you can say? I haven’t seen you since you told me you had a kid. A fucking kid, Jensen, who you’ve spent the last six weeks hanging out with and ‘so’ is the only thing that you have to say. Unbelievable.”

“What do you want me to say?” Jensen rubs the back of his neck. “Ashley’s great, and so is Jared actually.”

“Oh yeah, the guy is swell,” Chris says, voice laced with sarcasm.

Jensen perks up at that. “What? What did you find?”

“Nothing much. A and B student, member of the debate and drama club, did his work-study at the student writing center. Has both a World of Warcraft and match dot com account. Oh, and he spends hours playing chess on his iPhone. Dude’s a geek, man. And a pansy.”

Jensen chuckles, relieved that’s why Chris doesn’t like him and not because he found out Jared’s a murderer or something. He reckons Chris would think the same about him if the reason they met wasn’t because they both were on the baseball team at UT.

“He got himself a lawyer, Jensen, right after you told me you showed him the letter.”

Jensen nods. “He told me he would.”

“And did he also tell you that he’s been doing his own digging around on you?”

“No, but-” Jensen looks away, spots Icarus coming back in, mouth full of his half chewed-up squirrel plush. “It’s not really surprising it is? A guy comes in, saying he’s your daughter’s biological father… Of course Jared would want to know about me. Any half-assed parent would do the same.” Besides, Jensen isn’t one to talk; he’s the one that hired a PI after all.

“Maybe, but did you know Jared was instructed to be nice to you? That his best chance of having the judge side with him is to show how friendly and accommodating he’s being with you?”

Jensen erupts off the couch. “What the fuck?”

Jesus, is that why Jared invited him to coffee that time and to lunch a couple days later and the dozen or so things since? Why he always said yes to Sunday dinners?

He can’t stand it, hopes with everything in him that it isn’t true. It can’t all be just an act, can it? Something dark clouds over Jensen.

“How do you know that, Chris?”

“Sorry, a good detective never reveals his sources.” Chris moves towards him, laying a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “Trust me. That’s what his lawyer told him. And,” Chris waits until Jensen is looking at him before continuing, “I think it’s time you get your own lawyer, just in case. Never hurts to be prepared, right?”

Jensen deflates. “I told him I don’t want to go to court.”

“I know you don’t, but you’ve been talking about Ashley a lot when you call lately. It’s pretty obvious you care about her.”

“I do,” Jensen says, fast and absolute.

“And you have every right to her. You can’t just let Jared take her away-”

“Jared won’t.” Jensen is sure of it, or at least, he was.

“You bet your ass he won’t, I won’t let him,” Chris snarls. And that’s his friend for you, protective just like a mama bear.

“Dude’s like twice your size,” Jensen points out.

“I could still take him,” Chris says and somehow, Jensen doesn’t doubt it.

He combs a hand throw his hair. “Just stay on it, okay? And keep me updated if Jared goes to see his lawyer again.”

“Katie Cassidy.”

“What?”

“Jared’s lawyer, it’s Ms. Cassidy.”

“Fuck.” Jensen knows Katie, well not really, he knows of her. When the GI manager, Sophia, filed for full custody of her son against her ex-husband, she had hired Katie, and from what Jensen’s heard around the hospital, Ms. Kathryn Cassidy is the most cutthroat divorce and child custody lawyer in town.

“How can Jared afford her?” Jensen doesn’t know exactly how much Jared makes off his books, but he knows it can’t be that much.

“Did you miss the part where I told you that Sandy is a child psychologist?”

“What does that-"

“Who just happens to be good friends with Cassidy?”

“Fuck,” Jensen repeats.

Chris punches his lips together, he doesn’t look happy. “Look, I know you don’t wanna hear this, but I think, I think it’s time you called your dad.”

Every muscle in Jensen’s body tenses. “Chris.” It comes out as a warning.

Chris puts his hands up, palms out. “What other choice do you have?”

He looks down, sourly and bitterly admitting to himself that if it comes to that, he may not have a choice. That is, assuming his dad will even answer his call, let alone help him. “If it goes to court, then maybe… we’ll cross that bridge only then.”



Chris spends the night in Jensen’s guest bedroom, leaves when Jensen has to go to work, making Jensen promise that he’ll come to LA one weekend soon to see the rest of the guys and that he’ll watch his back with Jared.

Up until last night, Jensen didn’t think he needed to watch his back with Jared. A part of him still doesn’t think so. Jared isn’t that kind of person.

But he promises Chris anyway.

It isn’t until lunch that Jensen can finally review the file that Chris delivered.

Jared’s past is just as Chris described, good kid with good grades, more into computers and books than sports and partying. Until college. Jared’s freshman and sophomore year at the University of North Texas was obviously a rebellious time for him, some recreational drug use, a lot of underage drinking, a few benders, and a string of one-night stands.

If there’s one thing his dad taught him, it’s that with the right lawyer, Jared can easily be made to look tainted and immoral, his ability to raise a child questionable. That’s all Jensen needs, just a seed of doubt in the judge’s mind, and with Jensen being the biologically father, Ashley would be his.

Jensen slams the folder down on his desk and rubs a hand through his hair, his mind a whirlwind. Everything had been so good, nearly perfect even, Jared and Ashley slotting into his life like a puzzle piece that he hadn’t known he was missing, but has it really all been a lie? Is Jared just playing nice with him? Hoping to placate him? And for what? So that Jensen doesn’t sue for custody? That the judge rules in Jared’s favor?

Jensen shifts in his chair, restless. He replays the last two months, trying to see if there’s something he missed, some clue that Jared had only been pretending, but he can’t think of anything. Yeah, the first few meetings Jared seemed a little stiff and nervous, but wasn’t that normal and to be expected? And Jensen had been the same.

As the weeks passed they all had seemed to feel more comfortable with each other. The four of them (including Icarus, of course) piling onto Jared’s sofa, tub of popcorn and drinks in hand, for movie night Wednesdays, spending Saturdays together, sharing meals, helping to put Ashley to bed during the weekends. The past couple of weeks Jensen has taken to calling and wishing Ashley a good night a couple of times during the work week (Jared always sounding pleased when Jensen called and Ashley’s sweet giggling in his ear and soft ‘good night’ back filling Jensen with warmth). It all feels so right.

He has no idea what he’ll do if it turns out that Jared has only been playing him. He doesn’t want to go to court, doesn’t want a custody battle. Children aren’t some kind of prize that should be fought over. He doesn’t want Ashley to go through that.

Plus, if he’s being honest with himself, he’s still not sure if he wants to be a father to Ashley. He cares for her deeply, is pretty sure he loves her, but to be a fulltime dad? To be in charge of teaching and shaping another life? That’s a responsibility that Jensen doesn’t want.

Right?

Jensen’s confused about knowing what the best course of action is, but the one thing he does know is simple. He wants to be a part of Ashley’s life, and if Jared tries to stop that, if he takes this to court, then Jensen will fight back.

He can be just as ruthless as Jared and that lawyer of his… hell, he can be more.



Jensen takes off the latex gloves with a loud snap, tossing them into the red biohazard bin, glad that’s it’s almost lunch time. Wednesday’s are his busiest days by far, with procedures in the morning, clinic in the afternoon, and movie night at Jared’s. He breathes a sigh of relief when he gets the damn surgical gown off, stupid things are hotter than they look, and after spending three hours in one, alternating between poking holes in peoples livers, performing endoscopies, and draining abdominal fluid, he’s more than ready to be done and head back to his office.

He checks in with the first nurse he sees, making sure there’s no one still on his schedule and that he can leave. At her go ahead, Jensen makes a stop at the bathroom to relieve his bladder before heading out.

He stops at the cafeteria’s salad bar to grab an early lunch and decides to take the guest elevators back since they’re closer.

He’s around the corner from the hepatology clinic waiting area when he hears someone yelling, “Where the hell is that bastard?!”

Is that… Jared?

Jensen quickens his step.

“I need you to calm down, sir,” comes the unmistakable firm and commanding voice of Samantha Ferris, the head nurse.

“No! I know Jensen is back there. Let me see him now!”

Oh shit, it is Jared. Every eye in the waiting room is on the tall man trying to barge his way into the clinic area, Sam in front of him, and a second later, Jeff’s there, right in Jared’s face. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Dr. Ackles isn’t here. You need to leave right now, or I’ll call security.” Jeff’s tone is icy, not to be messed with.

“Not leaving until I see the lying asshole. Get out of my way. Now.” Jared’s maybe a couple inches taller than Jeff, but the other man doesn’t back down, and Jensen forgets sometimes, just how badass Jeffrey Dean Morgan can be when he wants to be.

Jensen steps in before Jeff can say anything. “It’s okay. There’s no need to call security. I’m here.”

Jeff looks doubtful. “Jensen.”

“It’s fine. I know Jared. He’s… uh, he’s my…”

Jared snorts and turns his angry eyes to Jensen. “Why, doctor, don’t tell me someone as smart as you doesn’t know what to call the man that adopted his biological daughter.”

He hears the gasps from Jeff and Sam, can only imagine what must be going through their minds right now.

He forces himself to meet Jeff’s eyes. “I’ll take Jared to my office. I am so sorry, Dr. Morgan, I’ll make sure nothing like this ever happens again.” He doesn’t wait for Jeff to speak, just grabs Jared’s arm and hauls him down the corridor and into his office, overhears Jeff tell Sam to call security, just in case.

Jesus Christ.

“What were you thinking?” Jensen says harshly when the door is closed. “This is where I work, a freaking hospital. You can’t just- dammit! That was my fucking boss out there.” This is bad, so very, very bad.

He’s so mad; he can’t even look at Jared. Not knowing what possessed the other man to do this. He turns away, managing to set his lunch on his desk before he feels Jared’s hand squeezing around his bicep and tightening until Jensen turns to look at Jared.

“Fuck you, man. I know all about your private detective.” Jared pokes Jensen in the chest, hard.

Oh, shit.

Jensen decides to go on the offensive. “What did you expect? I just found out I had a daughter that was adopted by a man I know nothing about. Of course I was curious about who you were.”

“Then you get to know me. Like we’ve been doing. You don’t have me investigated behind my back.”

“Like you didn’t go behind my back with your lawyer,” Jensen throws out, sneering. At Jared’s surprised look, he says, “Yeah, that’s right. I know about your meeting with Katie Cassidy. Your invitation to lunch at Noodles wasn’t spur of the moment, was it? Or, the day at the beach. Nothing was. You’ve pre-meditated everything. Trying to buddy up to me.”

Jared’s shaking his head. “No, it wasn’t- I mean, maybe in the beginning, but not. Look, I told you I was getting a lawyer and okay, yeah, she did advise me to act friendly towards you, but it isn’t like that.”

“How is it, then?” he rasps, stepping closer to Jared until they’re almost touching, tilting his head up to look into Jared’s eyes, hoping for something, not sure exactly what.

Jared’s eyes drop to Jensen’s mouth and linger for a moment, and then he shakes his head, once, as if to clear it. Takes a step back. “No, I… no. You don’t get to do this. You had me investigated, Jensen. And it wasn’t to see what kind of person I am. You were hoping to dig up something from my past. That you could use in court. You’re just like your father.”

Jensen feels his blood turn cold. “My father? What do you know-”

“About ‘The Strong-arm’ Ackles? There wasn’t a week in college that I didn’t see one of his commercials. Your dad’s the most cutthroat lawyer in Texas.”

Jensen curses under his breath; he should have known. His dad’s commercials air all over the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex, which UNT is located in. He’s about to tell Jared that he hasn’t seen his father in over sixteen years, but Jared speaks first.

“I’m not going to let you and your dad take Ashley away from me.”

“We aren’t- I’m not. Goddammit, Jared.” He runs a hand through his hair, resisting the urge to pull. “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want to go to court?”

“Then whataya want? It’s been two months, man, what the hell do you want?”

“… I don’t know,” he mumbles, leaning against the back of his door. “I want to get-”

“So help me, Jensen, if you say you wanna get to know Ashley, I will hit you,” Jared snarls, his nostrils flaring. “You’ve already gotten to know her. And me.” He moves closer, causing Jensen to look up yet again. Fucking giant. “What do you want?”

Jensen gulps. “I want. Like we’ve been doing. I like spending time with y- her.” He pushes Jared, gives himself some breathing room. “I want to continue as we’ve been doing.”

“That’s all?” Jared looks surprised. “Continue as is?”

“Yes.” Jensen just wants for things to get back to how they were before Chris came to see him.

“You’ll call off your dog?”

Jensen nods, but doesn’t tell Jared that Chris has already dug up all the dirt that Jensen needs.



The problem with continuing as they have been is that they don’t.

The picnic in Balboa Park on Labor Day isn’t at all how Jensen had pictured it. Jared doesn’t crack a smile even once. He barely eats. He usually wolves down Jensen’s food like the food whore he is, making sure to get every last bite and licking his fingers clean, teasing Jensen about the fine wife he’ll make someone. Not this time though.

Ashley seems to pick up on her father’s somber mood and isn’t her usual rambunctious and cheerful self.

Things only get worse from there. Jared withdraws more and more, and while Jensen wouldn’t call him rude, he definitely isn’t acting friendly. He stops laughing around Jensen, stops his good-natured ribbing, stops touching Jensen. No more hugs or pats on the shoulder or resting his hand on Jensen’s knee.

He’s not… Jared-like.

Jensen realizes then just how much of Jared’s personality is like a giant puppy, playful and upbeat, making those around him smile. He’s quick to laugh, quick to put others at ease, quick to offer a helping hand. When he enters a room, people take notice, and sure, some of it is because of his size, but it’s something else too. Jared fucking shines.

But dims when Jensen is around.

Jensen wants to make things better, but has no idea how. Or when. He still sees them over the weekends and sometimes during the week, but it’s decreasing.

September is a busy month for him. The start of the academic year means more duties for Jensen, three new fellows to mentor. Two of his research studies get approved within one week of each other. Patients that put off treatment over the summer now want to start and with the recent FDA approval of a triple-therapy regime for Hepatitis C patients, Jensen’s putting in more clinic time in clinics that are already overbooked. He gets home later from work, more of his evenings are spent doing paperwork and answering emails, and some days he’s too tired to even take Icarus for a walk.

It’s near the end of the month when he takes them to another baseball game. Given Jared’s attitude the past few weeks and his feelings towards baseball, Jensen thinks it’ll be better for everyone if just him and Ashley go.

Jared doesn’t agree, to put it mildly.

The game is a disaster. When Jared refuses to buy Ashley a forty dollar toy, she screams and cries and then refuses to speak to either of them. Jensen is so tempted to buy the silly thing for her, but he knows his relationship with Jared is on thin ice already and doing so would make things worse.

Ashley slumps in her seat, arms crossed and fuming. Jared doesn’t say a thing, taking out his phone and immersing himself in chess or Farmville or whatever.

Jensen can’t help being relieved and giving a silent ‘thank you’ to the Heavens when his on-call pager goes off in the bottom of the third and he’s needed at the hospital.

The following Sunday, he can’t make dinner. It’s the first time since they started their Sunday dinners back in July that he has to cancel, but he has no time to cook anything. He’s leaving on Tuesday for a three day conference in Spain where he’s scheduled to give a talk on his latest research findings. Problem is he still hasn’t had a chance to finalize the data or prepare any slides, which he has to spend the weekend doing.

He finishes up his PowerPoint presentation on the flight and tells himself to never wait this long again. Jensen hates doing things last minute, too much of a chance for error.

His talk goes smoothly though, and Jensen enjoys his visit. He meets several European hepatologists, some that also specialize in primary biliary cirrhosis, including a Swedish woman named Petra Runeberg, who has one hell of a rack in addition to bright blue eyes and wavy dirty blonde hair. They share almost every meal together; she’s extremely interested in Jensen’s research on etiology and genetic factors that may cause PBC to develop and Jensen in hers (why PBC affects women much more than men and what causal mechanisms are involved).

He exchanges business cards with her and a few other practitioners, waiting until he’s boarded on the flight home to add her info into his Droid. He’ll definitely be in touch. Maybe they can get some kind of international study going.

He spends Friday night with Icarus, taking him to his favorite dog park for a couple hours, spoiling him with several doggy and human treats, lazily petting him all through the eleven o’clock news, and letting him sleep on the bed.

He’s slow to fall asleep himself. Tomorrow is Ashley’s sixth birthday, and he wants to give her something special.



The morning dawns cloudy and rainy.

Jensen hates mornings, if he had his way, there’d be a law against getting up before ten. That’s what time he usually gets up on weekends, but not today. He has to take Icarus to the groomers and the latest appointment they have is nine. Of course, Jensen should have probably called them before last Tuesday but he hadn’t made up his mind until then.

The rain is coming down pretty hard when he drops Ick off and heads to the grocery store. He can hear thunder nearly constantly as he maneuvers down the aisles, and when he gets back to the groomer, he has to wrap up his boy in his jacket, fur nicely trimmed and pristine white, as they dash to his car.

It starts to die down when they get home, and by noon the sun is out and the ground is already half dry. He gives Jared a call, asking again if he can bring or do anything. Jared tells him that he has it covered, Sandy and her husband are already there helping to set up and he’ll see Jensen at two, when the party starts.

Jensen pulls up early to Jared’s house anyway, hoping to get a few minutes alone with Jared. He knows he really should have discussed his present for Ashley with Jared first, made sure it’s okay, but he had been wavering, hell he’s still wavering, wondering if he should have just gone with the Easy-Bake Oven.

Too late now, though.

He’s nervous as he rings the doorbell, shifting from foot to foot and knows his “Hi” comes out raspier than usual when Jared opens the door.

“Hey, Jens-” Jared’s voice abruptly cuts off when he sees Icarus in Jensen’s arms, big blue bow on his collar.

“Jensen,” he whispers, surprised, eyes darting to Jensen’s face. “You… Icarus is…”

“Jensen!” Ashley yells happily, launching herself around Jensen’s legs, and he has no idea where the squirt came from so fast. “It’s my birthday today!” She looks up then and notices Icarus. Her eyes get big and she takes a step away, looking around and behind Jensen before settling on Icarus again. Jensen can practically see her mind processing.

She bites her lip and hesitantly, but hopefully and so damn adorably, asks, “Is Ick my present?”

Jensen shoots a look to Jared, silently asking if this is okay. The big man’s thoughts are harder to figure out than Ashley’s, and Jensen has no idea what’s going through Jared’s head, can’t make out what exactly he sees in Jared’s eyes.

Jared silently mouths, “Are you sure?” and Jensen takes that for permission.

He’s a little surprised that Icarus is being so quiet in his arms, usually when he sees Ashley, he yelps and jumps and is all rambunctious, but not now. Now he’s cuddled up against Jensen’s chest silently, as if he’s picking up on Jensen’s anxiety.

For a moment, Jensen doesn’t want to let him go. Icarus is his boy, he’s taken care of the little furball for almost a year, but he can’t change his mind now, not with Ashley looking at him with those piecing eyes of hers, her little body vibrating, wanting so badly but not pushing.

Jensen bends until his knees touch the hardwood and he’s close to eye level with Ashley. “Happy birthday, sweetheart,” he says, kissing her on her rosy cheek and gently placing Icarus in her arms. “He’s all yours, if you promise me you’ll take extra special care of him.”

Ashley is already nodding before Jensen finishes speaking. “I will, I will!” She clutches the dog to her and a second later screeches, “Oh my god. Oh my god! I have a doggie!” She shrieks then, loud and delighted, and Jensen fears she may be squeezing Icarus too hard, but then he yips and she loosens her hold.

“Why don’t you go out back and show Sandy and Ty your new dog,” Jared suggests, ruffling Ashley’s hair.

“Yeah!” She hurries off, giggling along the way.

Jensen stands and looks down when he and Jared are alone, rubbing the back of his neck. “So. I have all his toys and treats and stuff in my trunk. Oh, and a couple bags of food. I’ll buy some more when it’s out.”

“Jensen, look at me,” Jared says and waits until Jensen does. “Are you sure? I know how much you love the little guy.”

“Yeah, I do. I am. This is better.”

Jared doesn’t look convinced. “Better how? He’s your dog, Jen.”

“Dude, I think he stopped being my dog within five minutes of meeting Ashley.” Jensen releases a short laugh. “They adore each other. He’s bigger than a Chihuahua, which I know she’s been begging you for, so really you should be thanking me. I saved your ginormous feet from committing accidental doggy homicide.”

Jared chuckles, and it’s so good to see him smile again. He’s missed seeing those dimples.

“My hero,” Jared deadpans. “You know, I was all set to take her to the shelter this morning, but with the storm… thunder kinda freaks her out, so we stayed in. Guess it worked out. It’s just,” he takes a step closer to Jensen, causing Jensen to look up, “I really need you to be sure about this.”

“I am,” he says, surer than before. “I meant what I said about this being better. Ick’ll be happier here. I’m gone so much, he’s alone the majority of the day, but here he won’t be. He’ll have a whole house to rule over, a big backyard to play in, two people to love on him. It’s a win/win for everyone.”

“And what about you?”

“It’s good for me too,” he answers. “I won’t worry about him as much, all alone in the apartment. I won’t have to rush home anymore, I can go on business trips whenever I want now, not having to find someone to take care of him or book a kennel.”

“You want to work even more?” Jared asks slowly, impassively.

“Of course. My work is important to me.” That’s a given by now, isn’t it?

“I know it is. I just thought that we- nevermind. Your job is important; you do great work, Jensen. Let’s go get Icarus’ stuff, okay?”

Jensen wants to say no, it’s not okay, something is obviously bothering Jared, but he only nods. Between the two of them, it only takes one trip to unload his car. Jensen had managed to pack all of Ick’s things in one box and a few bags.

The party gets underway soon after, and Jensen keeps a close eye on Icarus, not sure how he’ll react to sixteen little children all wanting a chance to play with and hold him. Turns out, he doesn’t need to worry. Ick basks in the attention, preening, tail wagging, and all swagger as he trots through the yard, and all Jensen can do is shake his head at the little shit.

It’s shortly after cake and presents that a group of three boys start roughhousing a little too roughly with Icarus for Jensen’s liking. He’s about to head over, but Ashley beats him to it.

“You’re not supposed to pull his tail, Ryan,” she scolds, clearly upset, and reaches to take Icarus away from the boy. She coos at Ick, says something that Jensen can’t hear and then sets him down on the ground and turns back to the boys. “He’s a living thing, not some toy. You’re supposed to be gentle with him. I don’t want you playing with him if you’re gonna be mean.”

Jensen is overwhelmed with the rush of emotion he feels then, filled with so much love and pride for this amazing little girl. His daughter. She’s awesome, and he has no idea how something so magnificent came from him.

The boys promise not to do it again, and Ashley gives them a long, hard look before nodding and walking away, Icarus hot on her heels.

Jensen knows he doesn’t have to worry about Ick anymore; his boy is in good hands.

Ashley looks at Jensen then, as if she sensed his gaze, and she smiles, big and bright, like the sun coming out, and how can Jensen not return it?

She comes over to him. “I’m so glad you’re back, Jensen. I really missed you when you were away.”

And just like that, Jensen is shamed, feeling all of two feet tall. “Missed you too, Ash,” he says, even though he had barely thought about her during the conference.

“Come and get a piece of cake, it’s really good. Auntie Sandy made it. It even has sprinkles!” She takes his hand, pulling him toward the table, and he’s helpless to resist.

God. He’s such an idiot and a total loser. He doesn’t deserve a kid as cool as Ashley. Not when he’s pretty much been ignoring her for over a month.

Jensen vows to change that immediately. Starting today, he’s going to do a better job of juggling work and Ashley.

The cake is delicious, but the rich and moist chocolate with sweet white frosting and fresh strawberries are nowhere near as good as the feeling of Ashley nestled against his side as he eats. She’s already had two pieces and seems content to just be at his side and watch him eat.

He notices people beginning to leave as he uses his fingers to get the last crumbs on his plate, and soon Ashley gets whisked away to say goodbyes.

Jensen stays, helping Jared to clean up. He’s just turning on the dishwater when Jared touches his arm for a second to get his attention. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask if you wouldn’t mind watching Ashley for a couple days? I have to go out to Arizona to meet with my publishers in a few weeks.”

Jensen’s floored. He’s never been alone with Ashley, Jared always seeming too hesitant about it, and so Jensen has never pushed.

“And with Gen, of course,” Jared adds.

“Gen?” he asks, frowning.

“Genevieve, my editor. She was here a few weeks ago. Don’t you remember?”

“Oh right, Genevieve, yeah.” He remembers her perfectly. Cute as a button and totally enamored with Jared. Which wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that Jared is totally enamored back. They flirted constantly during her visit, and Jensen spent the whole time reminding himself that Jared is gay.

“So, will you watch shorty for me?”

It’s a no-brainer. “Dude, of course. I’d love to watch the little squirt. When?”

“Awesome. November second and third. I’ll be heading out late on the second, it’s a Wednesday, so you won’t need to miss work, but could you maybe come here afterwards? Stay the night? I think it would be better for Ashley to be home while I’m away and not in a strange apartment. Uh, not that I think your apartment is strange, I mean-”

“I know what you mean.” Jensen laughs and is utterly charmed by the slight flush on Jared’s cheeks. “Its fine, man. I’ll watch her that night, get her ready in the morning. I’ll need to pick her up from school the next day, then?”

“Yep. She gets out at two thirty, and then I’ll be home around six. I’ll have my cell with me the whole time if you guys need anything or something comes up and-”

“It’ll be fine.” Jensen sees the worry on Jared’s face and lays his hand on Jared’s arm. “I promise. I’ll even have a nice dinner with all the fixins waiting for you when you get home.”

One side of Jared’s mouth goes up. “Are you sure? What about your job?”

“I’ll do a half day on Thursday. Post-transplant clinic ends around eleven thirty and I’ll just get someone to cover the afternoon. It’s no problem. I’m off Friday anyway, so I can pack for my trip then.” Jensen already has it all worked out in his head. Easy as pie.

“Trip?” Jared frowns. “Another conference?”

“Yeah,” Jensen answers. “ASLD is having their annual meeting November fourth through the eighth.”

“ASLD?” Jared asks.

“Oh, sorry, yeah, that’s the American Association for the Study of Liver Diseases.”

“And you’ll be going?”

Jensen doesn’t understand why Jared looks unhappy. “It’s pretty much ‘The Liver Meeting’, no one misses it. Unless it’s their turn to be on service or something.”

“And when were you going to tell me about it? A couple days before you left, just like last week?” Jared frowns deepens.

“I don’t get what the big deal is. Why are you acting-” Jensen stops, pretty sure the conversation is going nowhere good and that he’s better off not finishing that sentence.

“And just how am I acting?” Jared says, his eyes darting to Jensen’s and narrowing.

Yeah, definitely nowhere good. “Just tell me what the problem is. I know I do more work travel than most people, but it’s a part of my job.”

“I get that, I do. And it’s…” Jared cards a hand through his hair. “Look, you can’t just take off without giving Ashley and me more than a couple days notice. Ashley’s just a kid, she needs stability and dependability. Do you have any idea how upset she was when you called last Sunday and said you couldn’t do dinner? She baked you cookies that morning, wanted to surprise you and thank you for all the great things you’ve cooked for us. She worked so hard to fix everything just like the directions said. Barely let me help, kept going on how you’re always saying that I’m not allowed in the kitchen. I was just taking them out of the oven when you called.”

“Jared, I…” He has no idea what to say. What can he say? He wants to go wrap Ashley up in his arms, tell her how sorry he is, promise to never do it again, but with his job being so demanding and unpredictable at times he knows that it will happen again.

“I get that when you’re on call, you need to leave right away, but you knew about that trip for awhile. If you had let us know, we would have waited to make cookies. I mean, I get you don’t do commitment or whatever and that you don’t want family responsibilities, but if you really want to be a part of Ashley’s life then that’s what you need to do. You can’t have both, man.”

Jensen swallows thickly. “I do, I want that. Ashley and,” you he almost says, but stops himself just in time. He looks Jared in the eye and swears, “I’ll do better. I promise you. I’ll let you guys know as soon as I know about any trips, and I’ll be around more.”

Jared doesn’t look completely convinced, but it’s a start. Jensen will have to prove by doing from here on out.



Jensen is better than his word, spending almost all his non-working and sleeping hours with Ashley and Jared. He’s with them every weekend and most times it’s Jared’s house that he drives to after work.

He stays until Ashley is asleep, and one night about three weeks later, Ashley asks him to tell her a bedtime story. Jensen is downright giddy at the request, not recalling when last he felt that way.

She settles under the covers of her bed as Jensen pulls up a chair. She takes his hand, and Jensen rakes his brain trying to think of a story, but only one readily comes to mind.

He tells her of a beautiful and kind queen, with hair of spun gold and eyes as lovely as Ashley’s, who spent her days teaching the children of her kingdom and wanted nothing more than a child of her own. She and her husband tried for a long time before the king, who was very rich, called upon the finest doctors in all the land to help his wife conceive. But all the doctors said that same thing, that the queen would never bear a child. She didn’t listen to them though, she kept on trying, and each night before she went to bed she prayed for a baby to call hers.

Then one night, as she looked outside the castle window she saw a falling star, wishing with all her might upon it, and nine months later the queen had her baby boy. She lavished the young prince with all her love, made sure he didn’t want for anything. They rode all over the countryside together on the queen’s mighty black steed named Impala.

“What about the king?” Ashley asks, followed by a yawn. “Wasn’t he with them?”

“The king was a very busy man,” Jensen answers. “He had a whole kingdom to rule over.”

“And the prince didn’t miss his daddy?”

Can’t miss what you never had, kiddo. “Nah, he was too busy playing with all his friends and he had the queen. They were almost always together, as happy as two clams.”

“And they lived happily ever after,” she mutters sleepily, and Jensen has to look away for a moment.

He feels her hand let go and turns to tuck her in more securely, notices her eyes are already closed. “Good night, sweetheart,” he says and softly kisses her forehead.

She whispers, “Love you,” and from one breath to the next, she’s asleep.

Jensen has no idea how long he sits there, stunned into silence and chest aching.



It’s quiet when Jared steps in from the garage, almost too quiet. He saw the lights on as he was pulling his car in though, so he knows someone has to be home.

He had texted Jensen when he got off the plane, letting Jensen know the flight was fine and that he would be home soon, and has steadily become more worried as time had passed and he received no return text.

Jared hadn’t wanted to leave yesterday, Jensen had to practically kick him out the door, and in the twenty-four hours since he knows he’s called and texted Jensen an almost obscene number of times, but he couldn’t help it.

Jensen had never sounded annoyed or upset though, patiently telling Jared that everything was fine, and if Ashley was in reach, handing the phone to her.

Jared doesn’t bother taking off his shoes, just drops his bag on the laundry room floor that’s adjacent to the garage and goes in search of life.

He doesn’t need to go very far.

They’re piled on the recliner in the family room, sleeping. Ashley is in Jensen’s lap, the side of her face resting on his shoulder, his shallow breaths causing the hair on the top of her head to sway. One of her hands is splayed on his chest, right over his heart, and one of Jensen’s is wrapped around her waist, keeping her close.

They’ve never looked more alike, like father and daughter, beautiful together, and the affection they have for each other is clear as day.

Wetness gathers in Jared's eyes and he struggles to blink it away. He’s never going to have that. He and Ashley look nothing alike. People will never know he’s her father just by looking at them.

Jared’s heart turns over; he’s on the verge of crying when he spots movement out of the corner of his eye.

Icarus is tucked into the small space between Jensen’s side and the chair arm. He starts to slowly thump his tail when Jared’s eyes land on him and Jared shushes him as he gets closer. He crouches down and gently extracts Icarus from his place, scratching his ears in hopes the dog will remain quiet.

Jared isn’t sure if he can face Jensen just yet, not when he’s sure everything he’s feeling must show on his face in big red marker.

Once Icarus is in his arms and after checking to make sure the pair is still sleeping soundly, Jared raises, quietly stepping into the kitchen and towards the patio doors to let Icarus outside. He doesn’t need to, spotting the doggy door that Jensen must have installed while Jared was gone. He sets Icarus down and the dog trots through the flap, tail wagging. Jared shakes his head and wonders if Jensen realizes how much he dotes on the furball.

He’s not any better with Ashley, both have Jensen wrapped around their fingers (or paws) and Jared thinks for a guy that says he doesn’t want a family, he’s got an awful lot of love to give.

And that stops Jared right in his tracks, scares the shit out of him.

He’s seen that each time Jensen comes to visit, the harder it is for him to leave, knows that it’s only a matter of time before Jensen doesn’t leave. Not without demanding to take Ashley with him.

Jared has no idea what he’ll do the day Jensen wises up and realizes he wants to keep Ashley, be a father to her. The court is going to rule with Jensen, Jared has no false hopes about that, and while he’s pretty sure that Jensen will allow him visitation rights and won’t ever say no if he asks to see Ashley, it won’t be the same.

He lightly taps Jensen on his free shoulder. “Jen?”

“Hmm.” Jensen stirs, tilting his head towards Jared as his deep green eyes flutter open, the exact shade of Ashley’s.

Ashley doesn’t like the movement, burrowing her face into Jensen’s neck, and Jared remembers that the last time he left for an overnight trip Ashley was impatiently waiting for him at the door, leaping into his arms with a joyous cry as soon as she saw him.

He knows right then and there that he’s going to lose her, his whole world for six years and the best thing to have ever happened to him, and he has no idea how to stop it.

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