brigits_flame week 2: Dawn

[silverflight8]

Prompt: Dawn
Word count: 1050 words
Genre: realism
Warnings: none applicable

Summary: Photography is srs bsns.

Comments

[bluegerl]

Hahah, I was going to DEMAND pics... and then clicked on End Notes!! so THANK YOU... it was a lovely story... that AWFUL early bit... eeurrgh - the body all wrong and still asleep.

But.. then there was... those mountains. WONDERFUL. thanks so much!!!

[silverflight8]

The best times for photography are supposed to be dawn/dusk, because of the light. But some places are just spectacular :)

I feel like such a Canadian. I miss the Rockies.

[bardiphouka]

But there is so much in Canada. From the rocky coastlines of the Maritime to the forests of the Laurentides Mountains of Quebec to the Sleeping Giant of Thunder Bay to the still awe of Cathedral Grove on Vancouver Island. Sorry, I will shush now.

[silverflight8]

Oh, no, you are right! The place I live is still big city, but the lake's not far and the north is pure Shield country--lots of rocks, small lakes, really beautiful in the fall. I still like the mountains best though.

The forests in BC are jawdropping. With all the mist and fog, driving through them is exacty like a fairyland, complete with the requisite elf-wood.

[keppiehed]

Wow, that scenery is gorgeous. I'm not one for hiking, but that tempts even me to want to go!

[silverflight8]

The scenery really makes up for the hike :)

[innana88]

I need to go to this place. Thank you for taking me there! Lovely!

[silverflight8]

You should definitely go! Kananaskis country, Alberta - maybe an hour and a half's drive out of Calgary. Really, really beautiful. (But bring a bottle of water on the way up, because the hike always feels like foreeeeever.)

dodos rolling out the edit wagon,he pauses

[bardiphouka]

Good day then. Your friendly editor here, once again what one is to say. Especially after the personal memories the photograph brought back. Overall a well written piece so let me proceed to the quibbles,eh

Re: dodos rolling out the edit wagon,he pauses

[silverflight8]

Thank you so much for the edit! You're right about the integration; I'll have to think about that.

Editor Two Reporting for Duty

[fawatson]

Just to say...sorry I'm wiped out today! Two emergencies in one day and I'm brain dead as a result. So sorry, but it means I'll be a day late with the editing comments. I'll be back tomorrow though, when I can do your story justice.

Re: Editor Two Reporting for Duty

[silverflight8]

No sweat, take your time!

Re: Editor Two Reporting for Duty

[fawatson]

Editing Comments

This took me back (used to live in Calgary, so I know the spot)!

I've read your first editor's comments and won't repeat anything said there.

General

I enjoyed this. It is a complete story (which I always prefer to mere scenes). The reluctance to get up early and walk a cold dark trail comes through clearly; the reason - the utterly stupendous beauty of a mountain sunrise - also comes through. However, I wish a little more had been made of the sunris; the ending seems a little lame after all that build-up.

Specific Detals

She retrieved her bag, heavy with bottled water and the camera both, and.... I particularly liked the phrasing of this.

the usual warnings about bears and wild animals was posted This should either be 'warnings...were' or 'warning...was' - aswritten you have mixed singular and plural.

No matter how many time Should be 'times'.

she had never gotten accustomed Try 'become accustomed'. You used 'gotten' in a sentence above and it is better not to keep repeating the same verb.

Re: Editor Two Reporting for Duty

[silverflight8]

AH HA, another Calgarian! I miss the mountains so much sometimes.

I think you're right about the ending. I actually think this would probably work better in visual medium--the payoff is the sunrise, but it's, hm, it's not coming through here, you're right.

Thank you for all your helpful comments!