Even Then, Even Now... (Chapter 1)
Chapter 1: OTSUKARE SAMA DESHITA
"Thanks for the hard work."
Everyone greeted each other when the rehearsal was wrapped. Sho had seen everyone moving, scrambling around the venue either to get ready to leave or to have last minute arrangements. There were four members of Arashi that were entering the green room in the venue already.
Sho was last to enter, finding Nino and Ohno occupying the provided couch while Aiba was sitting by the table, drinking some water. Aiba was holding his phone, trying to send a message to someone. Sho would have asked where the youngest member was, but he remembered where they were and what they were doing, so his question would sound dumb to others. He opted on sitting opposite Aiba then, bringing with him a newspaper he spotted above the coffee table in front of the couch.
After Sho sat down, Aiba was already standing up with a bag at hand. It looked like he was ready to go when Sho looked up, and Aiba had an apologetic smile directed to him. "Sorry, but I got to go now," he said before moving out of the green room with his phone against his ear. He did say his goodbyes towards Nino and Ohno along the way too. It did puzzle him why Aiba apologized to him. It wasn't like he was upset that Aiba had to leave just the moment when it seemed he settled in the room and just in front of Aiba. But then, Aiba was being Aiba, and simplest things like that would worry the lanky man from time to time.
If Sho remembered correctly, Aiba had a location shoot scheduled soon, and that was probably the reason why he was hurrying to go. Others had more leisure in time, but it wouldn't take them an hour or so before they were ready to head out since Nino had an early schedule tomorrow, and Ohno needed to drop by the venue for his upcoming exhibit to check on things.
"Riida, want a ride to the gallery?"
Sho was right. They would be heading out soon when he heard Nino asking Ohno. He looked towards the couch, observing the two members still occupying it. Ohno replied a nod of affirmation, which became Nino's cue to gather all his belongings scattered around and put all of them inside his backpack. It was another ten minutes before the two were set to go, and Sho was silent the whole time, observing them.
"How about you, Sho-chan?" Nino asked. He and Ohno were already halfway towards the door.
Sho smiled meekly before responding, "I'll be heading out soon too."
Nino raised an eyebrow at his answer, but he didn't comment anything. If there was anything even so, it would probably be with how Nino's eyes glint with mischief. In Sho’s opinion, that was saying something.
Nino gave him a two-finger salute before hugging the unsuspecting leader from behind and putting his hands inside Ohno's jacket pockets. Ohno didn't show any complains though. He just smiled, mumbling a soft 'Bye' as Nino directed them out of the room. Sho shook his head with a smile of amusement towards his friends’ antics. No matter how old they became, it still felt like nothing had change.
Now, the only ones left were him and Jun.
It was quite convenient that the two of them didn't have any schedules ahead except for their late afternoon rehearsals tomorrow. It would give Jun more time to meet with the concert staffs for rearrangements and changes they could adapt for tomorrow's rehearsals while him... Well, it left him enough time to ponder by himself.
It had been almost 16 years since Arashi was formed, and it still amazed Sho how involved Jun was when it comes to their concert production. The determination and passion were surging out of him. Thinking about it, those traits hadn’t really changed. Jun had always been passionate, even before...
The first time Sho met Jun in Aoyama Theater, he thought the younger male looked like an insect, so skinny and had a huge eyes, but Sho couldn't deny the determination and passion he saw in the other boy's eyes. And now, he had been a witness of how Jun put his 100% percent in everything he did. It may be in acting no matter how small his part was, in singing and dancing even if he was just a back-up for his seniors, or how he would bring himself in front of the crowd just so he could please everyone that had supported him even if he was still a nobody. Jun even considered not going to high school just to concentrate on giving entertainment, but Sho found himself disagreeing to that.
"You better finish high school at least." Sho answered when Jun consulted him about it.
"But Sho-kun... I don't want to trouble anyone with re-scheduling stuff when I need to attend class."
Sho was taken back at Jun's answer, and he needed to check his temper before he raged out towards the younger male.
"Am I troubling you when I need to attend my classes?" He asked with his tone in a danger zone.
"No! Of course not," Jun instantly protested, almost knocking his drink in front of him. They were in the cafe, talking on things. It took almost two glasses of coke before Jun finally opened the topic why he asked Sho to come with him.
Sho needed to make sure he had his temper on check because it seemed that Jun's words were ticking him off. Education would always be important, and he was sure staffs working with them knew that. Why would Jun think such a thing? He took a deep breath, trying to control his anger before continuing on.
“Listen,” He started.
It took them a couple of hours (and a lot of glasses of Coke that caused them quite a fare, making the two of them whine, “That’s a rip off!") before they could settle on an agreement. Sho was happy Jun heeded his advice, making him giddy for almost a week despite how work and school could get tough at times.
“If you do well in school, I’ll give you the second button of my uniform when I graduate.” Sho promised one time when he was again in Jun’s cramped bedroom, sitting in Jun’s bed while he did his homework. Jun, on the other hand, was in his own desk, now looking to Sho.
Sho thought Jun would protest because it was girls' stuff, but all he got was a toothy smile before Jun went back to answering his own assignment. Jun didn’t reply anything. It was only a smile, yet Sho felt it was enough to make him grin all night even if his assignments were hard to answer.
Things were looking great since then. They debuted as members of Arashi, with great sales and exposure. Attending college was also exciting especially the fact that he would be attending a co-ed one. When he graduated, he did keep his promise to Jun, but it was made in a subtle yet cheeky way.
When he was in Jun’s bedroom once again, Sho left the promised button in Jun’s drawer while Jun was fetching them some drinks from the kitchen. He attached a string to it just in case Jun wanted to put it as a charm or something. (It wasn’t that he was expecting Jun to be thrilled with the additional touch nonetheless.) It wasn’t clear though whether Jun did find it later on. For all he cares, Jun might have forgotten about that promise. Still, Sho felt proud because somehow it was like a secret symbol that Jun could always rely on him no matter what.
Well, it was inevitable, to feel something like that right, to feel proud. Jun would often remind everyone that he was Sho’s biggest fan after all. As idiotic as it may seem, he couldn’t help but grin goofily every time Jun would narrate to anyone who was anybody how cool Sho was. May it be in radio shows, music shows, and even in their concerts in front of hundreds of fans. He really took pride on it, on the fact how Jun was dependable on him, even following him perhaps.
But as time went by, Sho felt that it wasn’t like that anymore.
Sho couldn’t really blame Jun though. Work and school had been too tough lately, and Sho did admit that he was mostly lashing out his frustrations to Jun. He felt as if everyone in the world was against him, and Jun was in the wrong place and at the wrong time. Sho felt sorry, yet Jun had nothing against him except understanding. No matter how mean he became at those times, Jun would just direct him a small smile while trying to give him space. However, Sho had seen the flash of hurt in Jun’s eyes when he ended up yelling at the younger male even if Jun would say that it was fine. Sho knew better, and that made him feel guiltier.
Sho tried to brush it off, thinking that it was just a phase, and things would get better. They did in a way, but at the same time, they didn’t. Sho couldn’t point a finger at it, but there was something really wrong with how things had developed over months, over years.
“It’s fine.” Jun reassured him before when he found himself saying his apology which was actually rare. For someone like him, it was hard. Maybe it was pretty hard for everything, but he was willing to try just for Jun because the younger male didn’t deserve his flare-up. No, he doesn’t deserve that.
Sho thought that everything would be okay from that moment on. There were still the eat outs in some Italian restaurants whenever Jun waited for his class in Keio to end, the movies and shopping trips if their schedules allowed them too, and the late night calls if Jun managed to grasp Sho in the middle of the night before he fell asleep over books or scripts. Sho still felt that there were changes, and the distance was becoming too apparent for Sho’s liking. He couldn’t really say something about it. It seemed Jun didn’t mind it either.
Sho continued on, still trying to convince himself that it was for the better. Conversely, he couldn’t help to feel restless about it. Somehow, despite being in the same group, Sho felt Jun took another route rather than following him.
He wasn’t one to be sentimental over things, but the moment Jun suddenly snapped at him did the trick.
“Morning,” Sho greeted when Jun arrived, yet all he got was a blank stare. Sho’s heart skipped a beat, but it wasn’t because there were butterflies dancing in his tummy. Rather, he felt the coldness from how Jun responded back to him.
Maybe Sho was exaggerating it. Jun was not a morning person after all. He was a frequent witness of it especially when they were roomed together in hotels, or when they stayed in each other’s houses. There were times when Jun did snap at those who woke him up in the wrong side of the bed, but it was never to Sho.
Something in how Jun looked at him woke up Sho like a bucket of cold water would do. Somehow, he understood that the distance between them was too wide now. Sadly, he was too late to notice it.
In retrospect, Sho and Jun still hung out as often as their schedules would allow them too. There were also the times when they were doing activities with all the Arashi members that allowed them to interact. It wasn’t the same though, but it wasn’t like it had to do with how their hangouts were getting rare. It was just a feeling, and maybe Sho was longing for something, but he didn’t really want to admit it. Like I said, I’m not sentimental.
“We’re just growing up, Sho.” Nino said to him when he managed to talk it out with Nino. He was actually surprised that the younger male didn’t tease him about it, but he was thankful. There was no judgment, only honest words.
Nino’s words were simple, but they brought a great impact to Sho. Growing up would always meant big changes after all, and Sho didn’t know how those changes would affect each one of them, especially him. Being worried was an understatement. He didn’t know how to actually face it at all.
It wasn’t until the end of a concert rehearsal that Sho finally understood everything.
It was getting late, and they should be heading home, yet Sho could feel that Jun was agitated. There were still parts of the concert that felt muddled, and Jun, who got himself more involved in production lately, couldn’t stay put.
"Don't worry about it. I'm sure we can figure something tomorrow for that. We should be heading home now though," Sho tried to calm the other, persuading the younger male. Jun looked at him with hesitation, but did agree. Well, that was what Sho thought.
They were already walking along the hallway that would lead them to the exit. At the end of it, a van was waiting for them, but then Jun suddenly stopped and turned to him.
"You can go ahead, Sho-san. I need to talk first to the light director." Jun said with finality in his voice before walking the opposite direction Sho was taking.
Sho was startled at first, but he managed to grab Jun's shoulder to stop him, "Ju-,"
For some reason, Sho couldn't finish calling his name. When Jun looked back to Sho, he saw something in Jun’s eyes, and Sho realized that the younger male couldn't be persuaded to do otherwise.
Maybe this was the growing up that Nino meant, after seeing Jun standing on his own ground, and Sho knew he couldn’t stop that. And so, he let go and smiled, "Matsumoto-san, thanks for the hard work."
With all honesty, Sho had always been proud how Jun grew into a beautiful and wonderful adult all these years, but still it frightened Sho in ways he couldn't explain.
When Jun looked back at him earlier, he couldn't finish calling out the name he used to call the youngest member, may it be ‘Macchan’ or ‘Jun-kun’. He opted in using ‘Matsumoto-san’ because he didn't know anymore the man who was in front of him. Jun was Jun, but at the same time he wasn't, and it was confusing Sho. Maybe everything was happening so fast now, and he didn't know how to handle it. How do I approach him now?
And so, he continued walking away, on his way towards the van that would take him home, alone. He wasn't mad at Jun, no, he wasn't. He wasn't just ready yet with all the changes that he had been seeing.
"Wait! Sho-kun! Wait!"
Sho turned around at the call, and Jun was just a feet away from him already. He tilted his head sideways, his way of letting know the latter that he was listening. When Jun was an arm reach, he saw Jun smiling, and he found himself drawn by Jun's eyes because Sho finally saw again what he had been looking for all that time. It came to him that it was there all along. He had just been blind not to see it when he let doubts and confusion cloud his eyes.
Jun put a hand on one of his shoulders, making Sho to look at that hand. How long had it been since Jun had been touchy to him like that again? But then it wasn’t really the case, right? The issue wasn’t with the way their interaction changed. It never was from the start.
And then, he noticed the string bracelet that was hidden behind Jun’s wider bracelet. He couldn’t be mistaken by it, no matter how many years since he left that in Jun’s drawer. It was important after all. He just didn’t acknowledge how much it was ‘till now.
When Sho looked up, Jun was leaning in to the point that Sho needed to cross his eyes just to see Jun's face properly. Well, somehow.
"It's still me, Sho-san." Jun said to him softly before pulling back.
Sho blinked his eyes a few times. He was still frozen when Jun patted his shoulder and said 'goodnight', followed by a soft 'take care in going home'.
Sho finally figured it out, the thing that had been bothering him regarding these changes.
“I have this image of you that you consider things by yourself and make decisions on your own, whether it was about work or school. So if I have a problem, I depend on you coz I want you to tell me how you think.”
Sho remembered Jun saying those words in one of their interviews, and somehow Sho had the image that Jun would always depend in him. Maybe he took it too seriously. He ended up thinking Jun would always be following him behind, but it shouldn’t be like that.
Rather than following him, Jun had his own trail to make, a path to take where he could shine on his own. It wasn’t like they were wholly separated right? They could still walk side by side because Sho somehow knew that they had the same destination.
Maybe it was Sho who needed to grow up because he was still stuck with his own little world, where Jun was in his back no matter what happens. It was selfish, but Sho finally understood that he needed to let go, to let go of those doubts and worries that had been bothering him.
It was when Jun was walking back towards the opposite direction that Sho snapped out of it and smiled. What Jun said were simple words, just like what Nino said, and it brought ease to Sho's queasy feeling, and even in his heart. Those words helped Sho to fully understand that Jun would always be Jun as he would always be Sho. The Jun he thought that he didn't know anymore earlier was still the Jun he knew from his junior days. He might not be that same 'Macchan' or 'Jun-kun' that he was used too, still he would be that same Matsumoto Jun who he met back then with eyes full of passion and determination. Jun just grew up, and he should too.
Sho knew Jun could still count on him. It might not be now, but later, definitely later on. They were heading the same way after all.
Sho didn't know whether it was because he was extremely happy, or maybe it just felt right to stay behind with the younger male that he ran after Jun, startling the latter. “Yosh, let’s go.”
Jun didn’t reply anything. He just smiled, but Sho was sure he saw the spark of gratefulness in Jun’s eyes.
Yes, this doesn’t change anything. Maybe it does, but it doesn’t really matter right?
That night, Sho didn't regret staying together with Jun a little longer to discuss further about their concerts, the set-up, and rearrangements. He didn't regret staying to give further suggestions to which Jun showed appreciation, because that night was the start where he finally understood everything. It was the start where he was really growing up. He didn't regret anything even now...
"Sho-kun... Sho-kun..."
Sho finally stirred awake after some insistent shaking. When he opened his eyes, it was Jun's face that welcomed him. Sho then remembered reading some news about business and politics earlier. Noticing his position, he must have fallen asleep in the middle of it, his head in the table, and now Jun was mirroring his position with a small smile in his face.
He sat up and stretched a bit to wake his senses up. "I guess I fell asleep." He mumbled with a yawn.
"You could have headed home first, you know." Jun reminded with a gentle smile, standing up. Sho didn't reply though since it seemed he didn't need to. Silently, his eyes followed Jun who was heading to the provided bathroom in the greenroom.
From where Sho was sitting, he could see how Jun was in front of the sink since the other left the door opened. He watched Jun taking his contacts off, blinking his eyes several times before wearing his black rimmed glasses in replacement. The sight was beautiful, but Sho didn't voice it out. He just kept staring as Jun fixed his bonnet in his head before leaving the bathroom. He saw how Jun put his things one by one inside his bag after fetching it, and when the younger glanced at him, Sho didn't flinch even if he knew he was caught in the act.
"So, are you planning to stay here or you're going to treat me to an Italian restaurant?" Jun raised an eyebrow, a teasing tone coating his words.
Sho grinned and got up. He got his items packed already prior to his impromptu little nap. He fetched his own bag and followed Jun in leaving the greenroom.
"You're going to drive though." He grumbled when he met Jun by the doorway. He fetched his keys in his bag and then placed it in Jun’s awaiting hand with a squeeze. But then Sho saw something that made him hold Jun’s hand a little longer. The pause in his part made the other to follow where his gaze was.
When Sho looked up, Jun was already looking away, tinge of red coloring his cheeks. Sho didn’t say anything, but he was beaming as he finally let Jun’s hand go.
It was a nostalgic sight, seeing a worn-out string with a button as a charm in Jun’s wrist along the other bracelets. It brought warmth all over Sho.
Before he stepped out of the room though, he grabbed Jun's shoulder to make the latter to look back to him. "Jun," he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, "Matsumoto-san, thanks for the hard work."
Jun was lost at first but when realization hit him, he chuckled at that. He replied happily with a bow, "Thanks for the hard work too."
Sho grinned, turning off the light before closing the door of the green room. A happy chatter could be heard, and slowly, it faded away.
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2
"Thanks for the hard work."
Everyone greeted each other when the rehearsal was wrapped. Sho had seen everyone moving, scrambling around the venue either to get ready to leave or to have last minute arrangements. There were four members of Arashi that were entering the green room in the venue already.
Sho was last to enter, finding Nino and Ohno occupying the provided couch while Aiba was sitting by the table, drinking some water. Aiba was holding his phone, trying to send a message to someone. Sho would have asked where the youngest member was, but he remembered where they were and what they were doing, so his question would sound dumb to others. He opted on sitting opposite Aiba then, bringing with him a newspaper he spotted above the coffee table in front of the couch.
After Sho sat down, Aiba was already standing up with a bag at hand. It looked like he was ready to go when Sho looked up, and Aiba had an apologetic smile directed to him. "Sorry, but I got to go now," he said before moving out of the green room with his phone against his ear. He did say his goodbyes towards Nino and Ohno along the way too. It did puzzle him why Aiba apologized to him. It wasn't like he was upset that Aiba had to leave just the moment when it seemed he settled in the room and just in front of Aiba. But then, Aiba was being Aiba, and simplest things like that would worry the lanky man from time to time.
If Sho remembered correctly, Aiba had a location shoot scheduled soon, and that was probably the reason why he was hurrying to go. Others had more leisure in time, but it wouldn't take them an hour or so before they were ready to head out since Nino had an early schedule tomorrow, and Ohno needed to drop by the venue for his upcoming exhibit to check on things.
"Riida, want a ride to the gallery?"
Sho was right. They would be heading out soon when he heard Nino asking Ohno. He looked towards the couch, observing the two members still occupying it. Ohno replied a nod of affirmation, which became Nino's cue to gather all his belongings scattered around and put all of them inside his backpack. It was another ten minutes before the two were set to go, and Sho was silent the whole time, observing them.
"How about you, Sho-chan?" Nino asked. He and Ohno were already halfway towards the door.
Sho smiled meekly before responding, "I'll be heading out soon too."
Nino raised an eyebrow at his answer, but he didn't comment anything. If there was anything even so, it would probably be with how Nino's eyes glint with mischief. In Sho’s opinion, that was saying something.
Nino gave him a two-finger salute before hugging the unsuspecting leader from behind and putting his hands inside Ohno's jacket pockets. Ohno didn't show any complains though. He just smiled, mumbling a soft 'Bye' as Nino directed them out of the room. Sho shook his head with a smile of amusement towards his friends’ antics. No matter how old they became, it still felt like nothing had change.
Now, the only ones left were him and Jun.
It was quite convenient that the two of them didn't have any schedules ahead except for their late afternoon rehearsals tomorrow. It would give Jun more time to meet with the concert staffs for rearrangements and changes they could adapt for tomorrow's rehearsals while him... Well, it left him enough time to ponder by himself.
It had been almost 16 years since Arashi was formed, and it still amazed Sho how involved Jun was when it comes to their concert production. The determination and passion were surging out of him. Thinking about it, those traits hadn’t really changed. Jun had always been passionate, even before...
The first time Sho met Jun in Aoyama Theater, he thought the younger male looked like an insect, so skinny and had a huge eyes, but Sho couldn't deny the determination and passion he saw in the other boy's eyes. And now, he had been a witness of how Jun put his 100% percent in everything he did. It may be in acting no matter how small his part was, in singing and dancing even if he was just a back-up for his seniors, or how he would bring himself in front of the crowd just so he could please everyone that had supported him even if he was still a nobody. Jun even considered not going to high school just to concentrate on giving entertainment, but Sho found himself disagreeing to that.
"You better finish high school at least." Sho answered when Jun consulted him about it.
"But Sho-kun... I don't want to trouble anyone with re-scheduling stuff when I need to attend class."
Sho was taken back at Jun's answer, and he needed to check his temper before he raged out towards the younger male.
"Am I troubling you when I need to attend my classes?" He asked with his tone in a danger zone.
"No! Of course not," Jun instantly protested, almost knocking his drink in front of him. They were in the cafe, talking on things. It took almost two glasses of coke before Jun finally opened the topic why he asked Sho to come with him.
Sho needed to make sure he had his temper on check because it seemed that Jun's words were ticking him off. Education would always be important, and he was sure staffs working with them knew that. Why would Jun think such a thing? He took a deep breath, trying to control his anger before continuing on.
“Listen,” He started.
It took them a couple of hours (and a lot of glasses of Coke that caused them quite a fare, making the two of them whine, “That’s a rip off!") before they could settle on an agreement. Sho was happy Jun heeded his advice, making him giddy for almost a week despite how work and school could get tough at times.
“If you do well in school, I’ll give you the second button of my uniform when I graduate.” Sho promised one time when he was again in Jun’s cramped bedroom, sitting in Jun’s bed while he did his homework. Jun, on the other hand, was in his own desk, now looking to Sho.
Sho thought Jun would protest because it was girls' stuff, but all he got was a toothy smile before Jun went back to answering his own assignment. Jun didn’t reply anything. It was only a smile, yet Sho felt it was enough to make him grin all night even if his assignments were hard to answer.
Things were looking great since then. They debuted as members of Arashi, with great sales and exposure. Attending college was also exciting especially the fact that he would be attending a co-ed one. When he graduated, he did keep his promise to Jun, but it was made in a subtle yet cheeky way.
When he was in Jun’s bedroom once again, Sho left the promised button in Jun’s drawer while Jun was fetching them some drinks from the kitchen. He attached a string to it just in case Jun wanted to put it as a charm or something. (It wasn’t that he was expecting Jun to be thrilled with the additional touch nonetheless.) It wasn’t clear though whether Jun did find it later on. For all he cares, Jun might have forgotten about that promise. Still, Sho felt proud because somehow it was like a secret symbol that Jun could always rely on him no matter what.
Well, it was inevitable, to feel something like that right, to feel proud. Jun would often remind everyone that he was Sho’s biggest fan after all. As idiotic as it may seem, he couldn’t help but grin goofily every time Jun would narrate to anyone who was anybody how cool Sho was. May it be in radio shows, music shows, and even in their concerts in front of hundreds of fans. He really took pride on it, on the fact how Jun was dependable on him, even following him perhaps.
But as time went by, Sho felt that it wasn’t like that anymore.
Sho couldn’t really blame Jun though. Work and school had been too tough lately, and Sho did admit that he was mostly lashing out his frustrations to Jun. He felt as if everyone in the world was against him, and Jun was in the wrong place and at the wrong time. Sho felt sorry, yet Jun had nothing against him except understanding. No matter how mean he became at those times, Jun would just direct him a small smile while trying to give him space. However, Sho had seen the flash of hurt in Jun’s eyes when he ended up yelling at the younger male even if Jun would say that it was fine. Sho knew better, and that made him feel guiltier.
Sho tried to brush it off, thinking that it was just a phase, and things would get better. They did in a way, but at the same time, they didn’t. Sho couldn’t point a finger at it, but there was something really wrong with how things had developed over months, over years.
“It’s fine.” Jun reassured him before when he found himself saying his apology which was actually rare. For someone like him, it was hard. Maybe it was pretty hard for everything, but he was willing to try just for Jun because the younger male didn’t deserve his flare-up. No, he doesn’t deserve that.
Sho thought that everything would be okay from that moment on. There were still the eat outs in some Italian restaurants whenever Jun waited for his class in Keio to end, the movies and shopping trips if their schedules allowed them too, and the late night calls if Jun managed to grasp Sho in the middle of the night before he fell asleep over books or scripts. Sho still felt that there were changes, and the distance was becoming too apparent for Sho’s liking. He couldn’t really say something about it. It seemed Jun didn’t mind it either.
Sho continued on, still trying to convince himself that it was for the better. Conversely, he couldn’t help to feel restless about it. Somehow, despite being in the same group, Sho felt Jun took another route rather than following him.
He wasn’t one to be sentimental over things, but the moment Jun suddenly snapped at him did the trick.
“Morning,” Sho greeted when Jun arrived, yet all he got was a blank stare. Sho’s heart skipped a beat, but it wasn’t because there were butterflies dancing in his tummy. Rather, he felt the coldness from how Jun responded back to him.
Maybe Sho was exaggerating it. Jun was not a morning person after all. He was a frequent witness of it especially when they were roomed together in hotels, or when they stayed in each other’s houses. There were times when Jun did snap at those who woke him up in the wrong side of the bed, but it was never to Sho.
Something in how Jun looked at him woke up Sho like a bucket of cold water would do. Somehow, he understood that the distance between them was too wide now. Sadly, he was too late to notice it.
In retrospect, Sho and Jun still hung out as often as their schedules would allow them too. There were also the times when they were doing activities with all the Arashi members that allowed them to interact. It wasn’t the same though, but it wasn’t like it had to do with how their hangouts were getting rare. It was just a feeling, and maybe Sho was longing for something, but he didn’t really want to admit it. Like I said, I’m not sentimental.
“We’re just growing up, Sho.” Nino said to him when he managed to talk it out with Nino. He was actually surprised that the younger male didn’t tease him about it, but he was thankful. There was no judgment, only honest words.
Nino’s words were simple, but they brought a great impact to Sho. Growing up would always meant big changes after all, and Sho didn’t know how those changes would affect each one of them, especially him. Being worried was an understatement. He didn’t know how to actually face it at all.
It wasn’t until the end of a concert rehearsal that Sho finally understood everything.
It was getting late, and they should be heading home, yet Sho could feel that Jun was agitated. There were still parts of the concert that felt muddled, and Jun, who got himself more involved in production lately, couldn’t stay put.
"Don't worry about it. I'm sure we can figure something tomorrow for that. We should be heading home now though," Sho tried to calm the other, persuading the younger male. Jun looked at him with hesitation, but did agree. Well, that was what Sho thought.
They were already walking along the hallway that would lead them to the exit. At the end of it, a van was waiting for them, but then Jun suddenly stopped and turned to him.
"You can go ahead, Sho-san. I need to talk first to the light director." Jun said with finality in his voice before walking the opposite direction Sho was taking.
Sho was startled at first, but he managed to grab Jun's shoulder to stop him, "Ju-,"
For some reason, Sho couldn't finish calling his name. When Jun looked back to Sho, he saw something in Jun’s eyes, and Sho realized that the younger male couldn't be persuaded to do otherwise.
Maybe this was the growing up that Nino meant, after seeing Jun standing on his own ground, and Sho knew he couldn’t stop that. And so, he let go and smiled, "Matsumoto-san, thanks for the hard work."
With all honesty, Sho had always been proud how Jun grew into a beautiful and wonderful adult all these years, but still it frightened Sho in ways he couldn't explain.
When Jun looked back at him earlier, he couldn't finish calling out the name he used to call the youngest member, may it be ‘Macchan’ or ‘Jun-kun’. He opted in using ‘Matsumoto-san’ because he didn't know anymore the man who was in front of him. Jun was Jun, but at the same time he wasn't, and it was confusing Sho. Maybe everything was happening so fast now, and he didn't know how to handle it. How do I approach him now?
And so, he continued walking away, on his way towards the van that would take him home, alone. He wasn't mad at Jun, no, he wasn't. He wasn't just ready yet with all the changes that he had been seeing.
"Wait! Sho-kun! Wait!"
Sho turned around at the call, and Jun was just a feet away from him already. He tilted his head sideways, his way of letting know the latter that he was listening. When Jun was an arm reach, he saw Jun smiling, and he found himself drawn by Jun's eyes because Sho finally saw again what he had been looking for all that time. It came to him that it was there all along. He had just been blind not to see it when he let doubts and confusion cloud his eyes.
Jun put a hand on one of his shoulders, making Sho to look at that hand. How long had it been since Jun had been touchy to him like that again? But then it wasn’t really the case, right? The issue wasn’t with the way their interaction changed. It never was from the start.
And then, he noticed the string bracelet that was hidden behind Jun’s wider bracelet. He couldn’t be mistaken by it, no matter how many years since he left that in Jun’s drawer. It was important after all. He just didn’t acknowledge how much it was ‘till now.
When Sho looked up, Jun was leaning in to the point that Sho needed to cross his eyes just to see Jun's face properly. Well, somehow.
"It's still me, Sho-san." Jun said to him softly before pulling back.
Sho blinked his eyes a few times. He was still frozen when Jun patted his shoulder and said 'goodnight', followed by a soft 'take care in going home'.
Sho finally figured it out, the thing that had been bothering him regarding these changes.
“I have this image of you that you consider things by yourself and make decisions on your own, whether it was about work or school. So if I have a problem, I depend on you coz I want you to tell me how you think.”
Sho remembered Jun saying those words in one of their interviews, and somehow Sho had the image that Jun would always depend in him. Maybe he took it too seriously. He ended up thinking Jun would always be following him behind, but it shouldn’t be like that.
Rather than following him, Jun had his own trail to make, a path to take where he could shine on his own. It wasn’t like they were wholly separated right? They could still walk side by side because Sho somehow knew that they had the same destination.
Maybe it was Sho who needed to grow up because he was still stuck with his own little world, where Jun was in his back no matter what happens. It was selfish, but Sho finally understood that he needed to let go, to let go of those doubts and worries that had been bothering him.
It was when Jun was walking back towards the opposite direction that Sho snapped out of it and smiled. What Jun said were simple words, just like what Nino said, and it brought ease to Sho's queasy feeling, and even in his heart. Those words helped Sho to fully understand that Jun would always be Jun as he would always be Sho. The Jun he thought that he didn't know anymore earlier was still the Jun he knew from his junior days. He might not be that same 'Macchan' or 'Jun-kun' that he was used too, still he would be that same Matsumoto Jun who he met back then with eyes full of passion and determination. Jun just grew up, and he should too.
Sho knew Jun could still count on him. It might not be now, but later, definitely later on. They were heading the same way after all.
Sho didn't know whether it was because he was extremely happy, or maybe it just felt right to stay behind with the younger male that he ran after Jun, startling the latter. “Yosh, let’s go.”
Jun didn’t reply anything. He just smiled, but Sho was sure he saw the spark of gratefulness in Jun’s eyes.
Yes, this doesn’t change anything. Maybe it does, but it doesn’t really matter right?
That night, Sho didn't regret staying together with Jun a little longer to discuss further about their concerts, the set-up, and rearrangements. He didn't regret staying to give further suggestions to which Jun showed appreciation, because that night was the start where he finally understood everything. It was the start where he was really growing up. He didn't regret anything even now...
"Sho-kun... Sho-kun..."
Sho finally stirred awake after some insistent shaking. When he opened his eyes, it was Jun's face that welcomed him. Sho then remembered reading some news about business and politics earlier. Noticing his position, he must have fallen asleep in the middle of it, his head in the table, and now Jun was mirroring his position with a small smile in his face.
He sat up and stretched a bit to wake his senses up. "I guess I fell asleep." He mumbled with a yawn.
"You could have headed home first, you know." Jun reminded with a gentle smile, standing up. Sho didn't reply though since it seemed he didn't need to. Silently, his eyes followed Jun who was heading to the provided bathroom in the greenroom.
From where Sho was sitting, he could see how Jun was in front of the sink since the other left the door opened. He watched Jun taking his contacts off, blinking his eyes several times before wearing his black rimmed glasses in replacement. The sight was beautiful, but Sho didn't voice it out. He just kept staring as Jun fixed his bonnet in his head before leaving the bathroom. He saw how Jun put his things one by one inside his bag after fetching it, and when the younger glanced at him, Sho didn't flinch even if he knew he was caught in the act.
"So, are you planning to stay here or you're going to treat me to an Italian restaurant?" Jun raised an eyebrow, a teasing tone coating his words.
Sho grinned and got up. He got his items packed already prior to his impromptu little nap. He fetched his own bag and followed Jun in leaving the greenroom.
"You're going to drive though." He grumbled when he met Jun by the doorway. He fetched his keys in his bag and then placed it in Jun’s awaiting hand with a squeeze. But then Sho saw something that made him hold Jun’s hand a little longer. The pause in his part made the other to follow where his gaze was.
When Sho looked up, Jun was already looking away, tinge of red coloring his cheeks. Sho didn’t say anything, but he was beaming as he finally let Jun’s hand go.
It was a nostalgic sight, seeing a worn-out string with a button as a charm in Jun’s wrist along the other bracelets. It brought warmth all over Sho.
Before he stepped out of the room though, he grabbed Jun's shoulder to make the latter to look back to him. "Jun," he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, "Matsumoto-san, thanks for the hard work."
Jun was lost at first but when realization hit him, he chuckled at that. He replied happily with a bow, "Thanks for the hard work too."
Sho grinned, turning off the light before closing the door of the green room. A happy chatter could be heard, and slowly, it faded away.
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2