Questions from Nick (squirrelloid)
1: What should a marriage be? What does it mean to you?
2: If you had to choose one thing that you wanted to make sure to do this next (and last) year at college, what would it be? (Not class-related)
3: What do you most regret about the last three years?
4: Has college changed who you are? How?
5: Why did you think Josh and I were gay when you first met us? =)
I'm going to answer the easiest one first...
5: Why did you think Josh and I were gay when you first met us? =)
Nick, I thought you'd heard this story before, but maybe you just want me to tell everyone on LJ that I had a crush on you my frosh year. Anyhow, after my experience in high school where every guy I was ever interested in was dating somebody else, I'd unconsciously come to the conclusion that everyone I would ever be interested in would be seeing somebody else. So, then I got to Mudd and went to swing dancing and there was this really neat guy (squirrelloid) who was attractive and a very good swing dancer. Naturally, I assumed that he must be seeing somebody else. However, I couldn't identify any likely female candidates for him to be dating, so I just came to the logical conclusion that he must be dating someone who was not female. Josh just somehow seemed like the most likely candidate, I don't remember why. This was before I knew Josh really at all. Then right after the first frosh chem test Nick declined to come to ITR games because he'd found "better ways to ITR." The next day he showed up attached at the wrist to Virginia. I got to be jealous and confused for a while. Then I got to know Matt and Josh and Daniel and mostly forgot about the whole thing.
3: What do you most regret about the last three years?
I'm not sure about "regret." There are lots of things I'm not particularly happy about having done or not done (mostly not done), but I'm not sure they could have been done differently so that I wouldn't regret them. If there was one thing I could go back and change, I would not have lived in Fledgling Suite. It just feels like so many bad things came out of that. Beyond the obvious, it isolated me from the rest of the dorm, it broke off my friendship with Matt (eventually rekindled this past year, but now he's graduated), it destroyed my trust in most of the friends I formed my freshman year (many of whom didn't deserve it) and made it that much harder to make new friends (major trust issues). How differently would things have gone without the suite? Would I have been able to cope better had everything not happened on top of me and I'd had more privacy? I guess we'll never know.
If I could only change something small, I would go back and stand up for myself that day during spring break my frosh year when Micah and Mary kicked Josh and I out of my lounge as they looked at room draw number on my computer. That memory makes my blood boil more than just about anything else I can think of. I hate that I am often too timid to stand up for myself. There are certainly other examples of it, but this one stands out. I'm not really sure why.
2: If you had to choose one thing that you wanted to make sure to do this next (and last) year at college, what would it be? (Not class-related)
Take care of myself and be cheerful. I don't know what is so different about working this summer from school most of the time, but I find it so much easier to smile. I don't know what it will take to make myself cheerful at Mudd again, but it's my goal.
4: Has college changed who you are? How?
Yes, but I'm trying to change back. Or at least it has changed what I am like and how I see things and what I want. If who I am isn't a function of those things, I don't really know what it is. To a large extent it is just a continuation of the changes that started in high school.
When I was little I was really compassionate and loving and smart (or so I've been told). When I was in high school I quickly became scared and bitter. In college I have become bitter and confused. I feel like I've learned a lot about people. I've learned how (and why and why not) to love and to hate. I've learned to appreciate diversity because it is so lacking at Mudd. But I've also started to feel really lost. I think it is because I've spent so much time in the past 7 years protecting myself that I haven't had time to appreciate people or even myself. This is a habit I really, really need to break. Also, I think it will help me with question 2.
1: What should a marriage be? What does it mean to you?
I've given this one a lot of thought. I mean, it is a very open ended question. Do you want me to tell what I want my marriage to be? Or how/why should a person choose a spouse? Or do you want an umbrella statement which includes what I think all marriages should be? Or perhaps I could address what I think marriages should do and why they should exist and what purpose they should serve to society?
In light of recentish political discussions, I think that marriage should be moved to the private sector with private organizations deciding whom to marry and how. The legal aspect of it should be given another name and should be available to any pair of people--including same-sex pairs or siblings. Polyamerious people are welcome to bawl me out for thinking "marriages" should be limited to two people, but I think the 3-body problem is probably even more confusing and unsolvable in politics than it is in physics.
To society, marriages formalize a part of the family unit and I think that is a very useful function. Who is whose mother is pretty well defined and you can track down a lot of the family that way, but the marriage defines both father and husband in a legal way and in a more social way. The main good that marriages do for society is creating two-parent families for children. To my mind this is why marriages do exist and why they should exist. However, there are other good things about them, such as providing stability and security (mainly financially) to both partners. Yes, your spouse can still leave in the middle of the night with your life savings, but at least you've got a legal say in the matter. There are also legal benefits if everything goes well and as planned.
Currently I am rather pissed off at the person I will still probably marry, so I'm not really in a mood to answer the other interpretations. Plus, I haven't really got the faintest idea what it will actually be like. My desire to get married was mainly an attempt to preserve the status quo with the eventual intention of sharing a family. Maybe I'll write something about this later when I feel a little more inspired. Oh, yeah, and since I haven't said the obvious yet, marrying someone you love is probably also a good idea--though I understand that it is a silly new-age idea and far from required for happiness (assuming you can love the person you marry).
2: If you had to choose one thing that you wanted to make sure to do this next (and last) year at college, what would it be? (Not class-related)
3: What do you most regret about the last three years?
4: Has college changed who you are? How?
5: Why did you think Josh and I were gay when you first met us? =)
I'm going to answer the easiest one first...
5: Why did you think Josh and I were gay when you first met us? =)
Nick, I thought you'd heard this story before, but maybe you just want me to tell everyone on LJ that I had a crush on you my frosh year. Anyhow, after my experience in high school where every guy I was ever interested in was dating somebody else, I'd unconsciously come to the conclusion that everyone I would ever be interested in would be seeing somebody else. So, then I got to Mudd and went to swing dancing and there was this really neat guy (squirrelloid) who was attractive and a very good swing dancer. Naturally, I assumed that he must be seeing somebody else. However, I couldn't identify any likely female candidates for him to be dating, so I just came to the logical conclusion that he must be dating someone who was not female. Josh just somehow seemed like the most likely candidate, I don't remember why. This was before I knew Josh really at all. Then right after the first frosh chem test Nick declined to come to ITR games because he'd found "better ways to ITR." The next day he showed up attached at the wrist to Virginia. I got to be jealous and confused for a while. Then I got to know Matt and Josh and Daniel and mostly forgot about the whole thing.
3: What do you most regret about the last three years?
I'm not sure about "regret." There are lots of things I'm not particularly happy about having done or not done (mostly not done), but I'm not sure they could have been done differently so that I wouldn't regret them. If there was one thing I could go back and change, I would not have lived in Fledgling Suite. It just feels like so many bad things came out of that. Beyond the obvious, it isolated me from the rest of the dorm, it broke off my friendship with Matt (eventually rekindled this past year, but now he's graduated), it destroyed my trust in most of the friends I formed my freshman year (many of whom didn't deserve it) and made it that much harder to make new friends (major trust issues). How differently would things have gone without the suite? Would I have been able to cope better had everything not happened on top of me and I'd had more privacy? I guess we'll never know.
If I could only change something small, I would go back and stand up for myself that day during spring break my frosh year when Micah and Mary kicked Josh and I out of my lounge as they looked at room draw number on my computer. That memory makes my blood boil more than just about anything else I can think of. I hate that I am often too timid to stand up for myself. There are certainly other examples of it, but this one stands out. I'm not really sure why.
2: If you had to choose one thing that you wanted to make sure to do this next (and last) year at college, what would it be? (Not class-related)
Take care of myself and be cheerful. I don't know what is so different about working this summer from school most of the time, but I find it so much easier to smile. I don't know what it will take to make myself cheerful at Mudd again, but it's my goal.
4: Has college changed who you are? How?
Yes, but I'm trying to change back. Or at least it has changed what I am like and how I see things and what I want. If who I am isn't a function of those things, I don't really know what it is. To a large extent it is just a continuation of the changes that started in high school.
When I was little I was really compassionate and loving and smart (or so I've been told). When I was in high school I quickly became scared and bitter. In college I have become bitter and confused. I feel like I've learned a lot about people. I've learned how (and why and why not) to love and to hate. I've learned to appreciate diversity because it is so lacking at Mudd. But I've also started to feel really lost. I think it is because I've spent so much time in the past 7 years protecting myself that I haven't had time to appreciate people or even myself. This is a habit I really, really need to break. Also, I think it will help me with question 2.
1: What should a marriage be? What does it mean to you?
I've given this one a lot of thought. I mean, it is a very open ended question. Do you want me to tell what I want my marriage to be? Or how/why should a person choose a spouse? Or do you want an umbrella statement which includes what I think all marriages should be? Or perhaps I could address what I think marriages should do and why they should exist and what purpose they should serve to society?
In light of recentish political discussions, I think that marriage should be moved to the private sector with private organizations deciding whom to marry and how. The legal aspect of it should be given another name and should be available to any pair of people--including same-sex pairs or siblings. Polyamerious people are welcome to bawl me out for thinking "marriages" should be limited to two people, but I think the 3-body problem is probably even more confusing and unsolvable in politics than it is in physics.
To society, marriages formalize a part of the family unit and I think that is a very useful function. Who is whose mother is pretty well defined and you can track down a lot of the family that way, but the marriage defines both father and husband in a legal way and in a more social way. The main good that marriages do for society is creating two-parent families for children. To my mind this is why marriages do exist and why they should exist. However, there are other good things about them, such as providing stability and security (mainly financially) to both partners. Yes, your spouse can still leave in the middle of the night with your life savings, but at least you've got a legal say in the matter. There are also legal benefits if everything goes well and as planned.
Currently I am rather pissed off at the person I will still probably marry, so I'm not really in a mood to answer the other interpretations. Plus, I haven't really got the faintest idea what it will actually be like. My desire to get married was mainly an attempt to preserve the status quo with the eventual intention of sharing a family. Maybe I'll write something about this later when I feel a little more inspired. Oh, yeah, and since I haven't said the obvious yet, marrying someone you love is probably also a good idea--though I understand that it is a silly new-age idea and far from required for happiness (assuming you can love the person you marry).