If I close my eyes Chapter 10 Misunderstandings
Chapter 10 Misunderstandings
The next day Olivia packed a small suitcase, she called an old friend from her university days that she hardly ever saw and left for Albany for a couple of days. She needed to think and being closeted in her apartment by herself was driving her crazy. Before she left she called Elliot letting him know that she was taking a few vacation days She explained that she was exhausted and that she would have her cell turned off but that she would call him when she got back. Elliot seemed worried for her but she assured him that she was just tired and in need of some fresh air. Stabler wasn’t completely convinced with her explanation but he knew she would tell him her reasons when she felt ready and not before. They said goodbye and she left to catch the train.
When she got back to work on Monday, Olivia had decided to talk to Alex and apologize for having disappeared and secondly to explain what she was feeling every time Alex that she had to attend some social function on the arm of a man. After having thought long and hard and with the help from her friend she arrived at the conclusion that living without Alex Cabot wasn’t something that she wanted but they also had to clear up some things. Olivia hadn’t actually told her what she felt when Alex had to attend functions, at least she hadn’t been totally honest and she should be if she wanted to save what they had.
Olivia had tried to contact Alex after her second day in Albany but she never answered the phone and her cell always went straight to voicemail. She left a couple of messages but her calls were never returned. Olivia was beginning to suspect that Alex was avoiding her; she couldn’t blame her after all.
All morning Olivia was busy trying to catch up on what was happening at the precinct. At lunch time she was planning to go see Alex when a call came in about a case and she and Elliot had to run out. When they returned almost two hours later with a suspect under custody Alex was there. But she didn’t look or say anything to her, aware that this wasn’t the moment Olivia concentrated on her work.
“Book him,” Alex said in a serious voice. “We have sufficient evidence to try him. I hope to have the preliminaries by this afternoon.” She turned to Elliot who was just entering Cragen’s office and after a nod from Elliot quickly left the office.
“Alex, can we talk.” Olivia’s voice stopped her. “I’d like…”
“I am very busy Detective Benson.” Cabot’s cold voice responded without turning back. “I have to be in court in 20 minutes” and without another word walked out.
Olivia stood there starring at her back, knowing she couldn’t follow her without raising suspicion. She lifted her shoulders as if it didn’t matter in case someone was watching and sat at her desk to do the paperwork for the guy they had just arrested.
When Olivia later went to Alex’s office it was closed, obviously she had left early. She called her at home but she didn’t answer, she tried her cell again but with no luck. The Detective began to feel desperate because she knew she had acted stupidly when she disappeared without having talked to Alex. But she had needed the time to think, however now the attorney didn’t want to have anything to do with her.
Disheartened Olivia returned to the precinct. She didn’t want to go home only to be alone where she would think of more stupid things. She needed to talk to Alex.
After spending two hours filling out paperwork and putting everything in order, Olivia decided that she couldn’t wait any longer, Alex wasn’t answering her calls, so she decided to go camp out at her door if necessary until Alex decided to listen to her and she hoped…she thought fearfully…to forgive her for being so insecure and cowardly.
Olivia took a taxi to Alex’s building, during the whole trip she conjured up every possible outcome. From time to time she dialed Alex’s house but she continued without answering. When she finally arrived almost running into the building, the doorman already knew her so he didn’t stop her, although he looked at her a bit strangely, Olivia in her rush didn’t take notice.
As soon as she was at the door of the PH, she knocked expecting it to open, but when the door opened it wasn’t who she expected.
“Good evening,” George Crawford greeted. “What can I help you with?”
“ADA Cabot,” Olivia said in her oficial voice once she had gotten over her initial surprise. “I’m detective Benson, she asked me to let her know about a case she’s working on as soon as we had a lead.”
“Oh, Alex is in the shower, would you like to wait?” He moved to one side to let her in.
“No.” Olivia refused with more control than she thought she had. “Just tell her that Detective Benson said that the evidence shows that the suspect is guilty, He was in the apartment that night.”
“Fine, I’ll tell her.” He agreed then after wishing her a good night closed the door.
Olivia turned around and with hurried steps took the elevator that fortunately had remained there. She could feel the sting of tears burning the lids of her eyes, but she refused to let the tears escape. She knew that if she did she would lose the little control over her emotions that she had and she’d break down. When she stepped out of the elevator the doorman Charlie waved at her.
“You’re leaving so soon Detective?” He asked.
“Yes, I only came to give Alex some information; she needs them for a trial tomorrow. Good night Charlie.” She tried to smile and with a hesitant step left the building.
Without knowing how Olivia began to walk to her own apartment, it wasn’t exactly close by, at least 10 blocks, but at that moment she was too numb to feel or for it to matter. Not only had she ruined the best relationship of her life but after all she had a reason. Alex at the end had chosen the right option and that obviously was not her.
She was half way home when her cell rang and she answered without thinking, it was a naural reflex. “Benson.”
“Liv we have a DB in the park, posible rape.” Stabler’s voice brought her out of her self-torture.
“I’m on my way, I’m close by.” She responded the professional Detective Benson emerging once again. This was not the time to cry, it would be better to forget. How could she be so ingenious to think that love has a place in her life? ‘Damn fool!’
Soon Olivia was at the crime scene, doing what she knew best. The scene was chaos; the body was in the park but too close to the street. Some adolescents had found it as they rode on their skateboards. One of them fell into the bushes as he tried a new jump and fell on top of the body. When he started screaming several people came to see what the commotion was and someone called 911.
As Olivia spoke with some of the witnesses her cell rang again. “Benson.” She answered impatiently.
“Liv, it’s me…” Alex’s soft voice assaulted her senses and for a moment she forgot that she shouldn’t be happy to hear her voice nor to drown in the delicious sensations that Alex’s voice produced in her when she suddently recalled what she had seen only 15 minutes earlier.
“Counselor what can I do for you?” Olivia asked seriously just as Elliot called her.
“Olivia I didn’t…” She began to say but Olivia interrupted. “I’m sorry Counselor but I have to go, work.” She hung up without another word and moving rapidly to where Elliot was.
“It looks like this was only the dump site for the body, not the original crime scene.” Elliot explained. “O’Halloran said that there is no evidence anywhere but it smells like gasoline around the body. Melinda says the TOD is about two hours; rigor hasn’t set in, besides that she has petiquea. She needs more time to determine the cause of death since there is no sign of strangulation.”
“Damn we are at square one. She didn’t have any ID and no one saw anything.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “If they dumped gas on her they must have had the intention of lighting her up and that would have erased any DNA evidence.”
“Let’s get back to the 16th, we’ll start checking missing persons, maybe we’ll find something but I doubt it. The required 24 hours hasn’t passed to report it. Her clothes don’t look dirty other than the usual.”
Olivia agreed and after exchanging a few words with Melinda she got into Elliot’s car.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Stabler asked as soon as Olivia got comfortable in the seat and closed her eyes.
“Talk?” She opened her eyes and looked at Elliot confused.
“Whatever has you like this?” Elliot pointed to the tormented eyes and dark circles. “You’ve been acting strange since before you left on that sudden mini-vacation. Boy was that a surprise! Even Cabot told me she went looking for you at your apartment the night before you left and you weren’t there.
“Alex went to my house?” She didn’t recall seeing her or even hearing her.
“Yep, she was pretty surprised too that you took a few days off, she said you had plans to go to the MET.”
“Oh damn!” She slapped her forehead. “I forgot.”
“Evidently, she looked pretty upset.” Elliot continued as if nothing. “The tickets were expensive, how it is she invited you?”
“Well,” She thought about what she was going to answer. The truth was that Alex loved going to the MET and she had a private box for the entire season; Olivia would accompany her whenever she could, more to spend time with her than because she actually liked it. It’s not that she didn’t but she would rather do other things with the attorney than spend two hours listening to music. “I happened to mention that I had never heard the NY Philharmonic play and she insisted that it was something that I needed to see. I don’t think she’ll forgive me for forgetting.” She shrugged her shoulders.
“That’s an understatment.” Elliot agreed.
Both stayed quiet. Elliot concentrated on his driving back to the precinct and Olivia couldn’t get the image of George at the PH of the woman who until now she thought of as her girlfriend. She couldn’t stop going over what had brought her to this point in her life and the way she had destroyed her relationship with the attorney. She knew she had overreacted but she had never had a real serious relationship before. For God sake! She had never been in love before the way she was with the attorney. Damn it! She groaned in silence. What was she going to do now? She thought sadly.
The case grew complicated, and they knew that they could only wait for the autopsy results. After reviewing all the possible identities in the missing person’s database Olivia returned to her apartment sometime after 3 a.m. Exhaustd and knowing that she had to be back at the precinct by 7 she threw herself on the bed without even removing her clothes. She didn’t have the strength for anything, the red light from her answering machine blinked on and off, indicating several messages but she never took notice.
The next day after they received the report from Dr. Warner the four detectives hit the street looking for clues. The case was getting more complicatd and without clues they didn’t know where to start. The body had no DNA evidence that could implicate anyone. The young woman continued as a Jane Doe in the morgue as they continued to search blindly.
It was almost nine in the evening and Olivia continued working at the precinct, going over the Missing Persons reports for the last few days once more, just to make sure that they hadn’t missed something. Suddenly she felt the hair on the nape of her neck stand on end, she was practically alone, and Elliot had left several hours earlier for a school function. Munch and Fin had left early since they were on call and without any good leads there wasn’t much they could do. She felt Alex’s presence nearby even before she could hear the click, clack of her high heels, steps she would recognize amongst thousands. How many times had she waited impatiently, recognizing them ever since the attorney was assigned to her unit? And how many times since they had declared their mutual love had she waited to hear if only in a professional setting. She ran her hand through her hair trying not to listen until she felt Alex’s presence at her side.
All during the day Olivia had been out of the precinct or busy looking for leads with the other detectives. Alex had gone to the precinct to talk to Cragen about a case they had pending. She had stopped by Olivia’s desk but she had ignored her presence. When she had left Cragen’s office, Olivia was no where to be seen. There was no way for her to know that Olivia had hidden herself away in the crib so she wouldn’t have to talk to Alex.
“Olivia.” Alex said in a shaky voice. “We need to talk.”
Olivia took a few moments before raising her gaze, tyring to look very busy with the reports she was going over and knowing that she could not do anything else but face Alex. She raised her eyes without making eye contact with the attorney.
“What can I do for you counselor?” She asked coldly.
“Damn it Liv!” Alex exclaimed causing Olivia to look at her disconcertedly. Alexandra Cabot rarely lost her ice demeanor. What she saw made the detectice shrink. Alex had dark circles under her eyes and she looked exhuasted. “Stop treating me as if I was nothing, as if there was nothing between us.” Alex begged in a low voice. There was no one in the precinct but she couldn’t take the chance.
“I’m sorry Alexandra but I don’t know anything, I don’t know if we are or aren’t. I don’t know.” Olivia said finally lowering her gaze.
“How in the hell are you going to know!” Alex exclaimed “If we haven’t spoken in over a week. You dissappeared Olivia, you were the one who left my office furious, the one who didn’t answer the phone, that doesn’t answer her door, the one that left and did not let me know what the hell happened. What exactly did I do Olivia for you to treat me this way?”
“What did you do?” Olivia growled surprised, looking right into her eyes. “You have the gall to ask me that? Two weeks without seeing each other except inpassing, two weeks playing broken phones, or quick escapes to your office just because I was dying to see you, kiss you” she whispered in torment. “And the first day that I get off I find you with your friend chatting happily.” She said in disdain. “Making plans for a date.”
“Olivia, I told you that…” She tried to explain.
“No” Olivia cut her off, making Alex almost jump back at the unexpected reaction “I’m not going to talk to you Alex…no…”
“Olivia, we need to talk” the attorney insisted interrupting her, in that agressive tone that always managed to cause the detective’s pulse to jump and make her blood boil.
“I know” Liv sighed in resignation, she more than anyone else knew that they had to, she was going crazy imagining a thousand scenarios in her head of what it would be like to be without Alex and it terrorized her. “I meant I wasn’t going to talk to you here, it’s not the proper place. Let’s go to…” She stopped unsure and looked at Alex in question.
“Let’s go to your apartment, its closer.” Alex offered in slight relief.
“Of course” Olivia agreed. Could it be that he’s waiting for you at yours? Olivia asked herself bitterly.
Olivia stood and pulled on her jacket, but not before turning off her computer and putting away the files in her drawer as Alex watched her silently.
They were about to leave when Olivia’s cell rang, as she was about to answer she noticed out of the corner of her eye how Alex closed her eyes in frustration. She didn’t need to be a psychic to know what that call probably meant.
“Benson.” She answered, listening to whoever was on the other end. Her face turned serious as she assented to whoever was speaking.
“I’m on my way.”
Olivia shut the cell and looked at Alex. “There’s another DB with the same MO from the other night.” She blew out. “This time he managed to set her on fire.” Liv informed.
Alex nodded her jaw clinched, she knew that the work was always first, the duty before anything else, but damn it, why now, when the need to clear things up with Olivia was so important. “I understand.” She responded. “Olivia, we haven’t talked, we need to talk. I refuse to believe that a bunch of misunderstandings could end what we have.” She looked at her desperately. At that moment she wasn’t the hard and cold ADA that everyone knew, but a woman in love that could see the best relationship of her life falling apart because of a stupid mistake.
“Alex, I don’t have time for this right now, please.” Olivia begged, her brown eyes looking into the attorney’s blue eyes asking for understangin. “I have to go.”
Alex looked around, the precinct was almost deserted, there was no one and without giving it another thought she closed the gap between them and kissed her, her tongue invading her mouth with force, not giving her anytime to react. Placing a hand on the nape of her neck Alex’s tongue dominated Olivia’s mouth. It was only a few seconds but for Liv it seemed like hours. It had been a possesive kiss, full of passion and contained desire. Alex was making it clear that she was the owner of her heart. When she let her go she stepped back and with a rough voice said. “We are going to talk Olivia Benson, and do not doubt to who you belong to and why.” And without another word walked away leaving Olivia nailed to the floor in complete surprise. When she finally reacted Cabot was no where to be seen and Olivia had to practically run to meet up with Munch and Fin, a silly smile on her face. Damn that woman, she sure knows how to kiss.
The next few days were chaotic, two more bodies were found and still there were no leads to who the rapist and killer was. The press was like piranhas smelling blood and the brass was breathing down Cragen’s back demanding results. Finally after almost four days of investigating and spending hours and hours searching they got a break. An eyewitness managed to give them a description of the man they were searching for. Apparently just as the witness was taking out the trash he witnessed how the suspect dropped something bulky to the ground and when he looked up he saw him face to face, but instead of confronting him he had taken running without looking back. The witness immediately went back in and called the police. The man had looked suspicious and besides like all New Yorkers had heard the newscasts about the murders that were happening in Lower Manhattan.
They finally had a lead. When the perp had been caught by surprise he hadn’t had time to pour gas over the body therefore not destroying vital DNA evidence. After about a week and four bodies they not only had DNA evidence but a name as well. The perp had been imprisoned for assault and battery two years prior. He had just been released from Rikers only a week earlier and had not waited to pick-up his old habits. This time nothing would save him from the death penalty.
With the perp’s description and name the detectives first contacted his probation officer. When he gave them the supposed address of the perp they immediately headed over there with several units. They were not sure that he would be there, they doubted it but they still had to start looking for him. He was dangerous and he wasn’t about to stop.
The building where he supposedly lived was just one of many that should have been long condemned. It was in ruins and inhabited by people that barely had enough to live, Drug addicts and other unsavory characters. Munch and Fin entered through the front followed by severl uniformed officers while Olivia and Stabler went around back. Just as they were entering Olivia saw a man that looked like the picture they had of the perp.
“Police! Stop!” Olivia yelled when she saw him and he froze for just a moment before running with Olivia in hot pursuit. Stabler who was slightly further back called for backup as he followed Olivia. “Halt!” Olivia screamed again gaining on the perp and just as he was about to jump a fence the Detective threw herself tackling him. Both fell to the ground rolling around as the perp tried to get Olvia off of him. Olivia received and elbow directly to the face nearly knocking her out, but she managed to stubbornly hang on and punching him in the kidney just before Stabler arrived and pulled him off her. But just as Stabler was pulling him away and Olivia tried to stand the perp kneed her in the face sending her flying and landing on her back and knocking her head as she fell.
“Get a Bus out here, Officer down!” Elliot yelled when he saw Olivia was out cold. He kneeled at her side worried but making no attempt to move her. He had managed to see when she fell how she had hit her head hard on the ground. “Damn it!”
Munch and Fin ran up at that moment. “What happened?” Munch asked when he saw Olivia passed out.
“The perp managed to get an elbow in her face and when I tried to pull him off her, he kneed her in the face and she fell back hitting her head.” Elliot informed them without taking his eyes from Olivia who looked like she was regaining consciousness “Liv?”
‘Hey.’ Olivia responded a bit disoriented. “What happened?”
She asked as she tried getting up.
“Stay still Liv, you received a good bump in the head, wait until the paramedics take a look.” He instructed.
“I’m fine.” Olivia said as she managed to get on her feet with Elliot’s help, who was shaking his head at his partner’s stubbornness.
“Liv” He started to say but he had barely gotten the words out when Olivia’s legs began to buckle.
“I think…I think I’m a little dizzy.” She managed to say before she passed out once more.
Elliot picked her up and went in search of the ambulance that he heard approaching.
“Elliot, go with her to the hospital, I’ll contact the Captain while we take care of the perp.” Munch instructed. Fin was already on the cell talking to Cragen updating him on the situation.
Elliot agreed and headed to the ambulance that was arriving at that moment, The ambulance pulled to a top with a squeal of breaks in front of the building and in matter of seconds two paramedics jumped out running towards Elliot with a gurney on tow.
“She suffered hits to the head and was unconscious for a couple of minutes, she recovered but when she tried to stand, she felt dizzy and lost consciousness again.” Elliot explained hurriedly as he laid her on the gurney.
“Ok, let’s transport her to Mercy.” The paramedic advised as they got her on the ambulance. Elliot agreed and ran to his car, placing the siren on top so that he could keep up with the ambulance. It might look like it wasn’t serious, but he wanted to make sure.