I used to be. But sometimes stomping and shouting is definitely the way to go. Even if it's just privately before you tell the person that they did something Not Okay.
(Incidentally, the ability to be angry with friends and then get over it shows, in my opinion, not only a personal maturity but a maturity of the friendship, such that it can weather such things. I am not perfect; neither are my friends. We hurt each other sometimes. But if we're really friends, we get past it and learn something about ourselves or the other person or our friendship.)
I'm amazingly forgiving. I figure this reflects my own personality flaws: I tend to, when all het up, say really hurtful things. Once I made someone so mad that she slammed a door so hard that it actually flew out of its frame. We were still best of friends after that (partly because she told me she respected someone who could get so thoroughly under her skin: obviously I knew her well enough that I could get under her skin that much).
Oh, that's easy.thelimbknitterJanuary 19 2010, 21:01:27 UTC
Two methods:
A. Throw them overboard. When someone pushes me too far, I simply throw them out of my life (barring I don't beat the daylights out of them, an appealing option tempered only by the threat of a felony conviction).
B. Generate a dense sense of menace and fury. This is easy for me. When I'm mad, most folks know it. I get silent or the sentences become clipped. If pushed into talking, it is as if I have tourette's syndrome.
If a friendship cannot survive an argument or two, just how strong is that friendship?
Having said that, I hate to argue. I had to learn how to argue in an effective manner from a marriage counselor--and it still didn't save the marriage.
Say to them, "When you did this, it made me feel thus" - and don't let it slide until they honestly understand where you coming from. And that goes double if the friend is me.
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*hugs*
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(Incidentally, the ability to be angry with friends and then get over it shows, in my opinion, not only a personal maturity but a maturity of the friendship, such that it can weather such things. I am not perfect; neither are my friends. We hurt each other sometimes. But if we're really friends, we get past it and learn something about ourselves or the other person or our friendship.)
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A. Throw them overboard. When someone pushes me too far, I simply throw them out of my life (barring I don't beat the daylights out of them, an appealing option tempered only by the threat of a felony conviction).
B. Generate a dense sense of menace and fury. This is easy for me. When I'm mad, most folks know it. I get silent or the sentences become clipped. If pushed into talking, it is as if I have tourette's syndrome.
It's easy.
Respects,
S. F. Murphy
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Having said that, I hate to argue. I had to learn how to argue in an effective manner from a marriage counselor--and it still didn't save the marriage.
Say to them, "When you did this, it made me feel thus" - and don't let it slide until they honestly understand where you coming from. And that goes double if the friend is me.
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