FanFic : Intermittent Surrenders

[silhouette_68]

This has been sitting in my drives for months.

Title: Intermittent Surrenders
Genre: Drama
Rating: K+
Pairing: KandaLenalee
Summary: He just can't help but become human at times.

FF.net >> (over here.)
or
CUT >>

Comments

[incandescence]

Argh, my eyes burn. (just from lack of sleep or something) Will have to finish reading this later! O_O

In regards to constructive criticism, which I hope you don't mind: I felt more like I was reading a script than a drabble. It's very well written and descriptive (the first part that I read; I haven't finished!), but... I'm not sure how to explain. I think it's that you use passive voice, but I've always sucked at passive and etc etc. English grammar murders me. I just use English, I don't study it!

Anyway, it sounds worse than I mean when I try to explain it. So, examples:
When she was three-fourths down the hallway, a look of bewilderment crossed her face.I would have felt less like a displaced person reading a script with something more like: "She looked around, bewildered, when she was three-quarters down the hallway." Or something like that

[silhouette_68]

Oh, nonononono. The cc is actually very appreciated; I actually like them better than cute! ^-^ or this is so awesome!!@231!11! pls keep up the good work. Or something like that. ♥

Though, this fic was started back in... um... April. So, yeah. I didn't re-edit the stuff I found distracting because I'm an ass. D: But, seriously, I appreciate the cc; thank you! (:

[incandescence]

Oh, I do that too. I never edit stuff I wrote way back when. I get too frustrated or something, rofl.

[helike]

hehehe... Kanda would rather die than admit his weakness, huh? :P
Good job, honey :)

[silhouette_68]

That's the Kanda we all know and love and... love.
(:

[helike]

>.>
<.<
I swear he's a close relative to the Uchihas. The same personality type.