We Are Trains, Riding Hobo-Style (1/1)
Title: We Are Trains, Riding Hobo-Style (1/1)
Author: silentpoetry1
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3,150
Warnings: Angst
Summary: Jared and Jensen ride the freight trains all over America, picking up pieces of each other along the way.
Disclaimer: Fiction. Everything within this story never happened and is entirely untrue.
Author's notes: First story in this community and my second completed J2 fic, my first being my Big Bang. Huge, huge thanks to jade_1459 who helped me immensly. She's a wonderful friend to have! I really hope you enjoy reading it! I sure had fun writing it. :)
Jared sat on the edge of the train car, his long legs dangling over the side and the wind whipping his exposed arms and face. He didn’t entirely trust his companions not to push him off, even though he’d been travelling with them from Vermont to Illinois to Wyoming.
Those days - those days when Jared was that close to falling out and killing himself - he thinks of his old home back East. It’s empty now and no one lives there anymore.
Jared sighed and fell back, blinking away the hands he saw in his mind’s eye wanting to kill him.
::
Somewhere back in Colorado they picked up Jensen.
Jensen was young and skinny and he had a pretty face and he tripped over his words when he talked and he got frightened when Jared hung off the freight train. Jared shared some of his bread with Jensen before Heroin Dan scared Jensen off to another car like a frightened little rabbit.
Jared misses Jensen.
::
When Heroin Dan leaps off the train on the line bordering Idaho and Utah, Jared smiles and enjoys the peace, despite the constant loud growling train noises. Old Emily leaves, too, the very next day, taking her musk smell with her and Jared just feels lonely.
::
Jensen comes back during Utah with tear tracks on his cheeks and blood-tracks dripping from his mouth, his arm cradled against his chest. Jared’s head hurts and his heart hurts, but he doesn’t know what to say. Jared swallows and offers Jensen a piece of bread, but Jensen shakes his head and walks over, unsteady on his feet, to Old Emily’s old corner - to lick his wounds and feel sorry for himself. Jared feels so sorry too.
Jared clicks his tongue and wishes he knew what he could do for Jensen. He doesn’t think Jensen wants him to touch him, but Jared probably should. Jared waits a little while, finishing his bread, before stepping over to Jensen and sliding down the wall beside him. Jensen squeezes his eyes shut, anticipating something bad, but Jared just wraps his strong arms around Jensen’s thin frame and rocks him back and forth.
“The people in car four are really bad,” says Jared.
“I know,” whispers Jensen.
“You should stay here with me,” says Jared.
“I know,” whispers Jensen.
If Jared were a violent person he’d go and hurt those people in car four because they hurt Jensen. But Jared just stays near Jensen, like a loyal golden retriever, warm against Jensen’s side.
::
Jensen and Jared share lots of smiles, but Jensen’s eyes are too sad for him to really feel it. Hollow, that’s the word. Jensen and Jared were hollow - riding the rails to nowhere. But that was okay, because that’s how freedom is meant to feel. Like nothing.
::
They kiss somewhere in New Mexico.
::
By the time they’re in Oklahoma Jensen has lost a lot of the sad in his eyes and he’s even laughing sometimes now. Also, at night occasionally, when the darkness is at its warmest and Jensen’s curled up against Jared’s chest, Jensen will sing. Sometimes. Jensen sings about lost roads and people Jared doesn’t know and past hurts.
“You shouldn’t let people push you around,” says Jared one night.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, Jen.”
“I’ll push them around instead,” says Jensen, moving in closer to Jared.
Jared laughs a little and tries to imagine shy, gentle Jensen pushing anyone around. Pretty unimpressive. “So, why exactly are you out here ridin’ the rails?” Out of all the time Jared’s known Jensen, he hasn’t asked this.
Jensen shrugs a little, bringing his knees up to his chest and resting his head against the wall. “Prob’ly the same reason you are.”
Jared smiles and leans against the wall, beside Jensen. “For the freedom? To make being broke interesting?”
Jensen looks at him with a raised eyebrow. “No. My mistake.”
Jared nudges Jensen with his knee. “So...”
Jensen looks down at his feet, sadness pouring back into his green eyes. “Because I let people push me around.”
Jared kneels down beside Jensen, wrapping his arms around him, holding him together like some broken piece of china that he can’t bear to tell his mum he’s broken. Jared closes his eyes when Jensen presses his lips against Jared’s.
“Where are you going, Jensen?” gasped Jared as he pushed Jensen
“I - don’t know,” Jensen’s eyelids flickered as Jared’s tongue found its way into Jensen’s mouth. If make out on the dusty, grimy floor with Jensen was on Jared’s top ten things to do list, he’d consider his life fulfilled. But it wasn’t, because Jared doesn’t plan his life. Still, it was beautiful and wonderful and dirty. Jensen tasted like stale bread and sour mornings and good things.
Jensen also tasted a little like home and, surprisingly, Jared didn’t mind at all.
::
Jensen was lying on his side, lost in Tennessee, and breathing heavily when Jared felt bold enough to move forwards and kiss him. Jensen smiled a little, opening his eyes when Jared moved his hands under Jensen’s shirt, trailing them up his stomach. Jensen was warm and lean under Jared’s large hands. Jared trailed them along his concave stomach; admiring the way Jensen’s faintly freckled skin was stretched prettily across his bones. They jolted together with the train, the rumbling storming right through them.
“I, um -” Jensen bit his lip as Jared bit at his neck softly.
“Do you want this?” asked Jared, pulling back seriously.
Jensen hesitated for a moment. “Yeah,” he whispered, grabbing Jared’s stained shirt and pulling Jared back down, pressing their mouths together again. Jensen threw his head back when Jared pulled off his shirt, revealing his slender neck. Jared climbed onto Jensen, not putting too much of his weight onto him, and straddled Jensen’s waist.
“Tell me if it hurts,” said Jared.
Jared’s movements were slow as he trailed his mouth along Jensen’s chest and stomach, his hot breath blowing against the skin, Jensen’s muscles contracting below. The train hit another rough part, pushing Jared harder against Jensen. Jensen tangled his hands through Jared’s hair, hurting Jared’s head slightly when he pulled it as the train jerked again. Jared tore his own shirt off a few moments later, leaning up to bite and kiss Jensen’s swollen hotsexydelicious mouth. He grabbed Jensen’s hips with his large hands, fingers digging harshly into the skin, before plunging his tongue into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen fought it for a moment, before allowing Jared free reign over his slightly sour mouth.
Jared’s breathing was heavy and his eyes were dark as he felt Jensen’s hard-on pressing against his own. He pulled back and rolled off Jensen, moving around and pulling Jensen’s pants off, leaving them crumpled on the ground beside them. Jensen’s underwear went second and Jared’s eyes went darker when he saw Jensen’s hard cock.
As quick as he could, Jared’s own pants went second. Once they were on top of Jensen’s jeans, Jared trailed hot kisses down the insides of Jensen’s thighs. “I - don’t have any - lube,” breathed Jared as he kept touching hard and soft and hard. And Jensen’s quick gasps were making Jared feel so so hot. The train jolted, causing Jared to hit his head against Jensen’s leg.
“Spit, just - spit,” grunted Jensen, slamming his head hard back against the dirty floor. Jared let out a groan and forced himself to pull his hands off Jensen and cover them with his own spit. His eyelids fluttered as he covered his cock with the saliva, nearly falling sideways when the train jerked violently.
Tremors ran through Jared’s stomach as he focused his attention back on Jensen, pressing one of his fingers into Jensen’s tight little ass. Jensen arched and squirmed as Jared pushed deeper, a string of curses spilling from his mouth. Jared moved his finger around, letting the Jensen’s warm muscles clench around his fingers. Jensen made a loud, keening noise when Jared pushed a second finger in; pressing them deep inside Jensen, earning himself choked whimpers in as he went. The train jerked again as Jared moved his fingers around inside of Jensen.
When Jared pushed in a third finger Jensen let out a loud gasp. “Fuck!” he groaned, twisting around with closed eyes. Jared pressed down on Jensen’s hipbone with his other hand as he stretched Jensen. When Jared pulled out Jensen groaned, writhing around.
Jared spat onto his hand again, coating his cock in more spit so he wouldn’t hurt Jensen. Then Jared moved, riding low against Jensen. Jensen widened his legs, moaning. Jared pressed his cock against Jensen’s opening, sweat glistening on his forehead and his body aching in anticipation. When he pushed in Jensen let out a huge cry, his muscles clenching around Jared’s cock. Jared let out a gasp, his cock being squeezed so goddamn tightly it was near painful. “Oh, so fucking - hot, Jen -”
Tremors wracked Jensen’s body and he gasped loudly as Jared went to clutch his cock, pre-come leaking out of it. Jensen hit his head back aggressively against the shaking floor again as Jared began pumping Jensen’s cock in time to his thrusts, almost losing balance again because of the train, instead pressing harder into Jensen. Jensen screamed and kept hissing Jared’s name over and over. “S-starting to... hurt,” groaned Jensen, his eyes rolling around erratically.
Jared pulled out of Jensen immediately and covered his cock in more spit. His breathing was heavy and as Jared pushed back in there was another hard jolt of the train. Jared hit Jensen’s prostate dead-on. “Jared!” yelled Jensen hoarsely before he came in spurts, Jared following a few seconds later.
“Nrgh,” groaned Jared as he pulled out of Jensen and collapsed onto him, his huge body covering Jensen’s heavily as he lay between Jensen’s legs. They were fucked out, sticky with come, sweaty and dirty with nothing to clean themselves with. But they were hobos on a goddamn freight train and they were together, so who fucking cared? Jared looked up at Jensen, who was looking back at him tiredly through his long eyelashes.
Jared felt a twinge in his chest as he watched Jensen, breathing shortly and erratically. Jensen sighed and let his legs fall flat and Jared decided that this could quite possibly be what love feels like. Jared let out a shaky breath at the thought, his eyes widening a little. Jensen gave him a small, tired smile. Jared rolled off him and onto the dusty floor. Their floor.
“We should get dressed,” whispered Jared over the trembling of the freight train.
Jensen nodded tiredly, but didn’t move. His entire body was worn out and glistening slightly with sweat. Jared smiled and bundled their clothes together, first dressing Jensen, then himself. After, Jared manhandled Jensen closer to the wall and pushed him onto his side. Jared laid behind him, pressing Jensen against the wall. Jared wrapped his powerful limbs around Jensen tightly, protecting him from the cold that was certain to drift in soon.
“You’re beautiful,” whispered Jared into Jensen’s ear, his breath hot.
It didn’t matter that Jensen and Jared were pale and going nowhere, because they're beautiful, free and together.
::
In North Carolina when they’re curled up together, Jensen whispers, “I’m glad I found you, I’d be dead right now without you, I think.”
Jared swallows and says, “I love you.”
Jensen pauses and Jared thinks he’s said it too wrong, too hard, too soon, but Jensen says, “that’s what my dad said before he threw me away.”
“Je t'adore,” Jared’s arms tighten around Jensen.
Jensen sighs peacefully, “for what it’s worth, I love you too.”
::
Their freight train breaks down in Virginia and Jensen and Jared leave, the place where they fell in love just a broken-down train wreck behind them.
They hitchhike to Maryland and when the seedy driver asks for payment in the form of Jensen, Jared breaks the guy’s nose and knocks him out.
Jared’s not a violent person. Not really.
::
They find a new train, a better train, and they fuck, yelling in unison so loud that the skies hear. Then, it’s like - “It is a train we’re wanting to catch, right?”
::
Jared convinces Jensen to hang his legs off the side of the train, to lean out into the wind (with Jared’s grip strong on the back of Jensen’s shirt). Jensen freaks out after a little while, but Jared doesn’t mind. He knew Jensen felt happiness.
::
They ride all the way back to Vermont and Jared doesn’t go and see anyone. Doesn’t mention that this is his home state.
When Jensen asks what’s wrong? Jared holds him tighter and whispers, “I’ve always wanted to travel transatlantic.” Because they’d never worried one another too much with where’d you come from? It was always now for them.
When someone else moves into their train car, Jared presses Jensen harder against the wall at night and covers Jensen’s body entirely with his own a little possessively and a lot lovingly.
Someone Else doesn’t stay long.
::
In Pennsylvania they decide to turn around and face what they’re running from. It’s not for Jared, it’s for Jensen. Jared caught Jensen crying at night again. Jensen might be enough for Jared, but Jared doesn’t know if he’s enough for Jensen.
“One, two, three -”
“The world,” says Jared.
“My family,” says Jensen.
They both look at each other with sparks in their eyes and dried saliva on their tongues. “What did your family do?” asks Jared gently.
Jensen looks at him, licks his lips and looks away. “What did the world do?”
Jensen cries again that night.
::
“Feel this?” asks Jensen in Indiana, taking Jared’s large hand and pressing it against his wrist.
Jared waits for a moment. “What am I feeling for?”
Jensen moves his hand a little and presses it harder and - yeah, yeah Jared feels it. He can feel where Jensen’s bone broke and where it tried to repair itself and where it didn’t fully work out. “That’s what my family did,” says Jensen seriously.
Jared takes both Jensen’s wrists in his hands, pressing a kiss to where Jensen’s arm is still pretty broken and then runs them down his chest. “This,” says Jared, placing Jensen’s hand to his chest, “this is what the world did.”
Jensen pulls his hands back and looks down. He takes Jared’s hand and puts it to his own chest. Jared can feel Jensen’s heart beating there, slightly fainter than his own heartbeat. “I don’t want to be self-centred,” says Jensen, “but the world did this too.”
Jared thinks Jensen’s onto something.
::
In Wisconsin the freight train stops for a refuel and Jensen and Jared get off. Jensen steals someone’s money and they eat sandwiches at a grimy back road diner. Jared’s glad because Jensen’s been looking thinner than usual lately.
They wash up together in the bathroom and leave it christened with their stains.
When they get back the train’s long gone. Jensen worries and Jared wonders if they wanted it to leave. If that’s the reason they took so long in the diner.
::
Whoever said Jared was bad at math in school was wrong. He can measure right angles, acute angles, obtuse angles, straight angles and reflex angles across Jensen. When Jensen’s spread out and writhing beneath Jared, choking out Jared’s name in the dark, Jared can map out what makes Jensen Jared’s universe.
Universes are made of angles, you see.
::
In North Dakota they quit the rails and go find someplace for themselves, someplace that doesn’t jerk them around every few minutes, someplace that wasn’t loud, someplace still, someplace warm, someplace that’s theirs. Jensen finds an alleyway, Jared finds a bridge. They’re alone and they’re there, but not really.
They catch another train.
::
It’s one of those uncomfortable days when Jensen has that sad look in his eyes. Jared kisses his cheeks and his hands and his hair and his lips. It’s one of those uncomfortable days when Jared thinks Jensen needs more than he’s getting. More life, more food, more water, more happiness, more love. More things Jared can pile up on top of each other and say here, for you, you can stop hurting now.
Jared tries to remember where they picked up Jensen from. He thinks about it for three days straight before he wonders if he even wants to remember. Then - oh yeah, Colorado.
“C’mon,” says Jared one morning when the train’s stopped. “I know a better train.”
::
When the train stops in Colorado and Jared gets off, Jensen is behind him, wary, sad-looking. “Why are we here?” he asks.
“So I can give you more.”
“More what?”
Jared blushes a little. “More everything. I want you to have more.”
Jensen sighs and Jared knows he’s done something all wrong. “The only more I want is more years with you. I left to get away, not come back.”
“When will you hurt for no more?”
“People say time heals all things. Don’t know who, so I’ll just credit ‘unknown’ when it happens, yeah?”
Jared nods. “I love you.”
“Awesome.”
They’re back on the train that day. Jensen guards his eyes more.
::
It takes awhile but Jensen’s right, the sadness does leave, and all that’s left is love. Pure, unfiltered love that makes Jared feel hot in his stomach and dizzy in his mind. It makes him wonder how he lucked out so hugely. His old home back East holds no comfort compared to the warmth and love of Jensen.
Not even his favourite fireplace in his favourite room of his old house compared to the warmth of Jensen.
::
“I’m not running from the world, I’m running from ghosts,” Jared’s words are soft against Jensen’s hair in Nevada.
::
When Jared is dangling his legs off the side of the train car in California, the wind whipping him angrily, Jensen sits beside him cautiously, his legs crossed. “What ghosts are you running from?”
Jared smiles at him. “Ghosts of what it was like to not be free, and later... ghosts of losing you - ghosts of mortgages, bills, cars, one house and cell phones.”
Jensen laughs a little. “Looks like you’re the ghost now, huh? All free and drifting like this.”
Jared supposes Jensen is right, but he’s never thought about it like that.
::
When they’re back in Vermont, Jared tells Jensen about what happened to his family. Jensen hugs him and says he’s sorry when it’s not his fault. Jared feels better after that, freer within himself. He hugs Jensen closer that night and loves that their love was a series of events that stemmed from hurt.
They have train tracks marking their journey and like their trains they’re always steadily moving.
They’ve tried to stop, but it just doesn’t work.
Author: silentpoetry1
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3,150
Warnings: Angst
Summary: Jared and Jensen ride the freight trains all over America, picking up pieces of each other along the way.
Disclaimer: Fiction. Everything within this story never happened and is entirely untrue.
Author's notes: First story in this community and my second completed J2 fic, my first being my Big Bang. Huge, huge thanks to jade_1459 who helped me immensly. She's a wonderful friend to have! I really hope you enjoy reading it! I sure had fun writing it. :)
Jared sat on the edge of the train car, his long legs dangling over the side and the wind whipping his exposed arms and face. He didn’t entirely trust his companions not to push him off, even though he’d been travelling with them from Vermont to Illinois to Wyoming.
Those days - those days when Jared was that close to falling out and killing himself - he thinks of his old home back East. It’s empty now and no one lives there anymore.
Jared sighed and fell back, blinking away the hands he saw in his mind’s eye wanting to kill him.
::
Somewhere back in Colorado they picked up Jensen.
Jensen was young and skinny and he had a pretty face and he tripped over his words when he talked and he got frightened when Jared hung off the freight train. Jared shared some of his bread with Jensen before Heroin Dan scared Jensen off to another car like a frightened little rabbit.
Jared misses Jensen.
::
When Heroin Dan leaps off the train on the line bordering Idaho and Utah, Jared smiles and enjoys the peace, despite the constant loud growling train noises. Old Emily leaves, too, the very next day, taking her musk smell with her and Jared just feels lonely.
::
Jensen comes back during Utah with tear tracks on his cheeks and blood-tracks dripping from his mouth, his arm cradled against his chest. Jared’s head hurts and his heart hurts, but he doesn’t know what to say. Jared swallows and offers Jensen a piece of bread, but Jensen shakes his head and walks over, unsteady on his feet, to Old Emily’s old corner - to lick his wounds and feel sorry for himself. Jared feels so sorry too.
Jared clicks his tongue and wishes he knew what he could do for Jensen. He doesn’t think Jensen wants him to touch him, but Jared probably should. Jared waits a little while, finishing his bread, before stepping over to Jensen and sliding down the wall beside him. Jensen squeezes his eyes shut, anticipating something bad, but Jared just wraps his strong arms around Jensen’s thin frame and rocks him back and forth.
“The people in car four are really bad,” says Jared.
“I know,” whispers Jensen.
“You should stay here with me,” says Jared.
“I know,” whispers Jensen.
If Jared were a violent person he’d go and hurt those people in car four because they hurt Jensen. But Jared just stays near Jensen, like a loyal golden retriever, warm against Jensen’s side.
::
Jensen and Jared share lots of smiles, but Jensen’s eyes are too sad for him to really feel it. Hollow, that’s the word. Jensen and Jared were hollow - riding the rails to nowhere. But that was okay, because that’s how freedom is meant to feel. Like nothing.
::
They kiss somewhere in New Mexico.
::
By the time they’re in Oklahoma Jensen has lost a lot of the sad in his eyes and he’s even laughing sometimes now. Also, at night occasionally, when the darkness is at its warmest and Jensen’s curled up against Jared’s chest, Jensen will sing. Sometimes. Jensen sings about lost roads and people Jared doesn’t know and past hurts.
“You shouldn’t let people push you around,” says Jared one night.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, Jen.”
“I’ll push them around instead,” says Jensen, moving in closer to Jared.
Jared laughs a little and tries to imagine shy, gentle Jensen pushing anyone around. Pretty unimpressive. “So, why exactly are you out here ridin’ the rails?” Out of all the time Jared’s known Jensen, he hasn’t asked this.
Jensen shrugs a little, bringing his knees up to his chest and resting his head against the wall. “Prob’ly the same reason you are.”
Jared smiles and leans against the wall, beside Jensen. “For the freedom? To make being broke interesting?”
Jensen looks at him with a raised eyebrow. “No. My mistake.”
Jared nudges Jensen with his knee. “So...”
Jensen looks down at his feet, sadness pouring back into his green eyes. “Because I let people push me around.”
Jared kneels down beside Jensen, wrapping his arms around him, holding him together like some broken piece of china that he can’t bear to tell his mum he’s broken. Jared closes his eyes when Jensen presses his lips against Jared’s.
“Where are you going, Jensen?” gasped Jared as he pushed Jensen
“I - don’t know,” Jensen’s eyelids flickered as Jared’s tongue found its way into Jensen’s mouth. If make out on the dusty, grimy floor with Jensen was on Jared’s top ten things to do list, he’d consider his life fulfilled. But it wasn’t, because Jared doesn’t plan his life. Still, it was beautiful and wonderful and dirty. Jensen tasted like stale bread and sour mornings and good things.
Jensen also tasted a little like home and, surprisingly, Jared didn’t mind at all.
::
Jensen was lying on his side, lost in Tennessee, and breathing heavily when Jared felt bold enough to move forwards and kiss him. Jensen smiled a little, opening his eyes when Jared moved his hands under Jensen’s shirt, trailing them up his stomach. Jensen was warm and lean under Jared’s large hands. Jared trailed them along his concave stomach; admiring the way Jensen’s faintly freckled skin was stretched prettily across his bones. They jolted together with the train, the rumbling storming right through them.
“I, um -” Jensen bit his lip as Jared bit at his neck softly.
“Do you want this?” asked Jared, pulling back seriously.
Jensen hesitated for a moment. “Yeah,” he whispered, grabbing Jared’s stained shirt and pulling Jared back down, pressing their mouths together again. Jensen threw his head back when Jared pulled off his shirt, revealing his slender neck. Jared climbed onto Jensen, not putting too much of his weight onto him, and straddled Jensen’s waist.
“Tell me if it hurts,” said Jared.
Jared’s movements were slow as he trailed his mouth along Jensen’s chest and stomach, his hot breath blowing against the skin, Jensen’s muscles contracting below. The train hit another rough part, pushing Jared harder against Jensen. Jensen tangled his hands through Jared’s hair, hurting Jared’s head slightly when he pulled it as the train jerked again. Jared tore his own shirt off a few moments later, leaning up to bite and kiss Jensen’s swollen hotsexydelicious mouth. He grabbed Jensen’s hips with his large hands, fingers digging harshly into the skin, before plunging his tongue into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen fought it for a moment, before allowing Jared free reign over his slightly sour mouth.
Jared’s breathing was heavy and his eyes were dark as he felt Jensen’s hard-on pressing against his own. He pulled back and rolled off Jensen, moving around and pulling Jensen’s pants off, leaving them crumpled on the ground beside them. Jensen’s underwear went second and Jared’s eyes went darker when he saw Jensen’s hard cock.
As quick as he could, Jared’s own pants went second. Once they were on top of Jensen’s jeans, Jared trailed hot kisses down the insides of Jensen’s thighs. “I - don’t have any - lube,” breathed Jared as he kept touching hard and soft and hard. And Jensen’s quick gasps were making Jared feel so so hot. The train jolted, causing Jared to hit his head against Jensen’s leg.
“Spit, just - spit,” grunted Jensen, slamming his head hard back against the dirty floor. Jared let out a groan and forced himself to pull his hands off Jensen and cover them with his own spit. His eyelids fluttered as he covered his cock with the saliva, nearly falling sideways when the train jerked violently.
Tremors ran through Jared’s stomach as he focused his attention back on Jensen, pressing one of his fingers into Jensen’s tight little ass. Jensen arched and squirmed as Jared pushed deeper, a string of curses spilling from his mouth. Jared moved his finger around, letting the Jensen’s warm muscles clench around his fingers. Jensen made a loud, keening noise when Jared pushed a second finger in; pressing them deep inside Jensen, earning himself choked whimpers in as he went. The train jerked again as Jared moved his fingers around inside of Jensen.
When Jared pushed in a third finger Jensen let out a loud gasp. “Fuck!” he groaned, twisting around with closed eyes. Jared pressed down on Jensen’s hipbone with his other hand as he stretched Jensen. When Jared pulled out Jensen groaned, writhing around.
Jared spat onto his hand again, coating his cock in more spit so he wouldn’t hurt Jensen. Then Jared moved, riding low against Jensen. Jensen widened his legs, moaning. Jared pressed his cock against Jensen’s opening, sweat glistening on his forehead and his body aching in anticipation. When he pushed in Jensen let out a huge cry, his muscles clenching around Jared’s cock. Jared let out a gasp, his cock being squeezed so goddamn tightly it was near painful. “Oh, so fucking - hot, Jen -”
Tremors wracked Jensen’s body and he gasped loudly as Jared went to clutch his cock, pre-come leaking out of it. Jensen hit his head back aggressively against the shaking floor again as Jared began pumping Jensen’s cock in time to his thrusts, almost losing balance again because of the train, instead pressing harder into Jensen. Jensen screamed and kept hissing Jared’s name over and over. “S-starting to... hurt,” groaned Jensen, his eyes rolling around erratically.
Jared pulled out of Jensen immediately and covered his cock in more spit. His breathing was heavy and as Jared pushed back in there was another hard jolt of the train. Jared hit Jensen’s prostate dead-on. “Jared!” yelled Jensen hoarsely before he came in spurts, Jared following a few seconds later.
“Nrgh,” groaned Jared as he pulled out of Jensen and collapsed onto him, his huge body covering Jensen’s heavily as he lay between Jensen’s legs. They were fucked out, sticky with come, sweaty and dirty with nothing to clean themselves with. But they were hobos on a goddamn freight train and they were together, so who fucking cared? Jared looked up at Jensen, who was looking back at him tiredly through his long eyelashes.
Jared felt a twinge in his chest as he watched Jensen, breathing shortly and erratically. Jensen sighed and let his legs fall flat and Jared decided that this could quite possibly be what love feels like. Jared let out a shaky breath at the thought, his eyes widening a little. Jensen gave him a small, tired smile. Jared rolled off him and onto the dusty floor. Their floor.
“We should get dressed,” whispered Jared over the trembling of the freight train.
Jensen nodded tiredly, but didn’t move. His entire body was worn out and glistening slightly with sweat. Jared smiled and bundled their clothes together, first dressing Jensen, then himself. After, Jared manhandled Jensen closer to the wall and pushed him onto his side. Jared laid behind him, pressing Jensen against the wall. Jared wrapped his powerful limbs around Jensen tightly, protecting him from the cold that was certain to drift in soon.
“You’re beautiful,” whispered Jared into Jensen’s ear, his breath hot.
It didn’t matter that Jensen and Jared were pale and going nowhere, because they're beautiful, free and together.
::
In North Carolina when they’re curled up together, Jensen whispers, “I’m glad I found you, I’d be dead right now without you, I think.”
Jared swallows and says, “I love you.”
Jensen pauses and Jared thinks he’s said it too wrong, too hard, too soon, but Jensen says, “that’s what my dad said before he threw me away.”
“Je t'adore,” Jared’s arms tighten around Jensen.
Jensen sighs peacefully, “for what it’s worth, I love you too.”
::
Their freight train breaks down in Virginia and Jensen and Jared leave, the place where they fell in love just a broken-down train wreck behind them.
They hitchhike to Maryland and when the seedy driver asks for payment in the form of Jensen, Jared breaks the guy’s nose and knocks him out.
Jared’s not a violent person. Not really.
::
They find a new train, a better train, and they fuck, yelling in unison so loud that the skies hear. Then, it’s like - “It is a train we’re wanting to catch, right?”
::
Jared convinces Jensen to hang his legs off the side of the train, to lean out into the wind (with Jared’s grip strong on the back of Jensen’s shirt). Jensen freaks out after a little while, but Jared doesn’t mind. He knew Jensen felt happiness.
::
They ride all the way back to Vermont and Jared doesn’t go and see anyone. Doesn’t mention that this is his home state.
When Jensen asks what’s wrong? Jared holds him tighter and whispers, “I’ve always wanted to travel transatlantic.” Because they’d never worried one another too much with where’d you come from? It was always now for them.
When someone else moves into their train car, Jared presses Jensen harder against the wall at night and covers Jensen’s body entirely with his own a little possessively and a lot lovingly.
Someone Else doesn’t stay long.
::
In Pennsylvania they decide to turn around and face what they’re running from. It’s not for Jared, it’s for Jensen. Jared caught Jensen crying at night again. Jensen might be enough for Jared, but Jared doesn’t know if he’s enough for Jensen.
“One, two, three -”
“The world,” says Jared.
“My family,” says Jensen.
They both look at each other with sparks in their eyes and dried saliva on their tongues. “What did your family do?” asks Jared gently.
Jensen looks at him, licks his lips and looks away. “What did the world do?”
Jensen cries again that night.
::
“Feel this?” asks Jensen in Indiana, taking Jared’s large hand and pressing it against his wrist.
Jared waits for a moment. “What am I feeling for?”
Jensen moves his hand a little and presses it harder and - yeah, yeah Jared feels it. He can feel where Jensen’s bone broke and where it tried to repair itself and where it didn’t fully work out. “That’s what my family did,” says Jensen seriously.
Jared takes both Jensen’s wrists in his hands, pressing a kiss to where Jensen’s arm is still pretty broken and then runs them down his chest. “This,” says Jared, placing Jensen’s hand to his chest, “this is what the world did.”
Jensen pulls his hands back and looks down. He takes Jared’s hand and puts it to his own chest. Jared can feel Jensen’s heart beating there, slightly fainter than his own heartbeat. “I don’t want to be self-centred,” says Jensen, “but the world did this too.”
Jared thinks Jensen’s onto something.
::
In Wisconsin the freight train stops for a refuel and Jensen and Jared get off. Jensen steals someone’s money and they eat sandwiches at a grimy back road diner. Jared’s glad because Jensen’s been looking thinner than usual lately.
They wash up together in the bathroom and leave it christened with their stains.
When they get back the train’s long gone. Jensen worries and Jared wonders if they wanted it to leave. If that’s the reason they took so long in the diner.
::
Whoever said Jared was bad at math in school was wrong. He can measure right angles, acute angles, obtuse angles, straight angles and reflex angles across Jensen. When Jensen’s spread out and writhing beneath Jared, choking out Jared’s name in the dark, Jared can map out what makes Jensen Jared’s universe.
Universes are made of angles, you see.
::
In North Dakota they quit the rails and go find someplace for themselves, someplace that doesn’t jerk them around every few minutes, someplace that wasn’t loud, someplace still, someplace warm, someplace that’s theirs. Jensen finds an alleyway, Jared finds a bridge. They’re alone and they’re there, but not really.
They catch another train.
::
It’s one of those uncomfortable days when Jensen has that sad look in his eyes. Jared kisses his cheeks and his hands and his hair and his lips. It’s one of those uncomfortable days when Jared thinks Jensen needs more than he’s getting. More life, more food, more water, more happiness, more love. More things Jared can pile up on top of each other and say here, for you, you can stop hurting now.
Jared tries to remember where they picked up Jensen from. He thinks about it for three days straight before he wonders if he even wants to remember. Then - oh yeah, Colorado.
“C’mon,” says Jared one morning when the train’s stopped. “I know a better train.”
::
When the train stops in Colorado and Jared gets off, Jensen is behind him, wary, sad-looking. “Why are we here?” he asks.
“So I can give you more.”
“More what?”
Jared blushes a little. “More everything. I want you to have more.”
Jensen sighs and Jared knows he’s done something all wrong. “The only more I want is more years with you. I left to get away, not come back.”
“When will you hurt for no more?”
“People say time heals all things. Don’t know who, so I’ll just credit ‘unknown’ when it happens, yeah?”
Jared nods. “I love you.”
“Awesome.”
They’re back on the train that day. Jensen guards his eyes more.
::
It takes awhile but Jensen’s right, the sadness does leave, and all that’s left is love. Pure, unfiltered love that makes Jared feel hot in his stomach and dizzy in his mind. It makes him wonder how he lucked out so hugely. His old home back East holds no comfort compared to the warmth and love of Jensen.
Not even his favourite fireplace in his favourite room of his old house compared to the warmth of Jensen.
::
“I’m not running from the world, I’m running from ghosts,” Jared’s words are soft against Jensen’s hair in Nevada.
::
When Jared is dangling his legs off the side of the train car in California, the wind whipping him angrily, Jensen sits beside him cautiously, his legs crossed. “What ghosts are you running from?”
Jared smiles at him. “Ghosts of what it was like to not be free, and later... ghosts of losing you - ghosts of mortgages, bills, cars, one house and cell phones.”
Jensen laughs a little. “Looks like you’re the ghost now, huh? All free and drifting like this.”
Jared supposes Jensen is right, but he’s never thought about it like that.
::
When they’re back in Vermont, Jared tells Jensen about what happened to his family. Jensen hugs him and says he’s sorry when it’s not his fault. Jared feels better after that, freer within himself. He hugs Jensen closer that night and loves that their love was a series of events that stemmed from hurt.
They have train tracks marking their journey and like their trains they’re always steadily moving.
They’ve tried to stop, but it just doesn’t work.