[OOC] Thoughts on Serph and his feelings
After spending a lot of time considering Serph’s most recent feelings and why he is acting the way he does since the anonymous confession post, I decided the best thing to do was to write this up in hopes that maybe it could help me in some way. Or maybe help those who have yet to play Digital Devil Saga and thus help them through making Serph’s feeling easier to understand for everyone. In the worst case scenario this could prove I fail at getting him right, which might be the case, but I will try anyway.
Beware of spoilers behind the cut, by the way.
Before I start, let me be clear about something: Serph truly cares about all of his comrades, ALL of them. That’s how Serph is and it will never change.
So what happens when this compassionate silent hero finds out about Heat not only being in love with Sera (though chances are Serph already knew beforehand, but being as retarded as he is, he didn’t really realize what it was until now, thanks to camp and everyone who explained this kind of things to him) but also has dim feelings for him? Heat, who is by far the most difficult member of his tribe to deal with? It was something he never expected to know, but even if it was unexpected, it made Serph feels responsible.
What do I mean? Well, Serph comes from this point in canon where the last thing he remembers is falling down into the EGG along with Heat (because Heat tried to kill him and almost succeeded), but learning The Whole Truth about Five Years Ago was, exactly, the last thing he remembers before coming to camp. This means that Serph knows about Sheffield, about O’Brien, about his own ‘other self’ causing everything and, you know, being the source of Heat’s central hatred. However, when he came to camp he found a Heat who hasn’t changed, exactly, but a Heat who had time to think over everything, not the Heat who almost killed him what it felt like hours ago to Serph. In canon, Serph didn’t really have a chance to talk to Heat after that, because later on Heat dies and then Seraph happens, so.
One of the issues about Digital Devil Saga is: they didn’t have time to do anything. Everything happens too fast. But in camp, Serph have time to think and time to live, without the Sun uploading Earth’s Data or trying to rescue Sera or just trying to keep his tribe alive (even if most of the time he only leads them into traps or walk into walls). But Serph never ever complains about any of that, never, he will do and give everything for his tribe without giving it a second thought.
Anyway, Serph also believes that time has stopped back in the Real World, so even if he worries about his comrades, he knows he can’t do anything right now and, honestly, he likes camp.
What about the whole Heat/Sera/Serph love triangle, then? Well, it’s hard for me to express his feelings because, in canon, he tends to go all ‘…’ or express them through facial expressions, and usually, someone of his tribe will explain his feelings for him. This has recently started to force Serph into talking a bit more in camp, because he is learning that normal people doesn’t understand him with just a glance as it was before with his tribe (and almost everyone else in the games). But Serph’s feelings are very naïve, retarded and innocent at most.
Meaning: Serph likes both Sera AND Heat. He truly cares about the two of them and he will try to make them happy at any cost. Serph doesn’t mind and never will if Heat never cares in the same way he does about him, because that’s the kind of person Serph is. Serph didn’t get WHY it was bad of him to like them both. In fact, Serph still doesn’t really get it at this point, he even believes that Sera would want to make Heat happy too, but at the same time Serph feels unsure and that’s why he is NOT trying to force his way on Heat all that much anymore. Serph also thinks that if Sera loved Heat back instead of him, it would be the best for everyone (even if that means he would be left alone and, honestly, Serph would be okay with that, because, again, that’s the kind of person he is), but at this point Serph has come to accept Sera’s feelings and will do anything to protect her, BUT he also wants to make Heat happy.
Serph believes the whole situation is unfair to Heat. That’s why he tries to do what he can, even if he knows it will never be enough and the only thing that bothers Serph is exactly that: how little he can do in order to make Heat happy right now. Because while Sera could arrive at any time (APP SERA), it’s impossible to guess when. We have also the whole thing where Heat kissed Serph the other day at the library, that event made Serph realize three things: Heat indeed feels something for him, but at the same Heat deny those feelings and, Heat doesn’t wish those feelings to matter at all. Serph doesn’t really see the whole ‘starting a relationship’ thing with Heat as something… big, if that makes any sense. He just wants to stay with Heat, be his leader, his comrade and let him do things (like making out), but also wants Heat to be happy (however, instead of that Serph is making everything more complicated, and maybe he will realize that someday).
Obviously what Serph wants and Heat’s wishes are crashing. Hard. I don’t know if any of this explains well enough Serph’s current behavior, or why he will keep on trying to get the three of them together on a threesome (or at least, make Heat accept they can make out if that helps in any way). Of course, if Sera ever comes to camp and she says she is against it, Serph will accept that but… well, he would feel truly unhappy about leaving Heat out of that. But I’m not going there until it happens.
In short: Serph loves both Heat and Sera. Serph will keep on doing stupid and retarded things in the future in order to get Heat to accept him. Serph doesn’t care if Heat doesn’t care enough about him. Serph will, however, be Serph and will keep on trying because deep down he feels guilty about what happened five years ago and he feels responsible. So even if Heat is stubborn and doesn’t want anything to happen between them because of Sera, Serph will still try. Yeah, he fails.
Besides, Serph misses his comrades a lot. Heat is the only one of them in camp, and that’s why it’s so important to him to do his best right now.
I think I made my point somewhere, maybe I didn’t or maybe I just totally fail. Please, hit me hard if that’s the case. Thank you if you read all this, I spend a huge amount of time writing it and I appreciate any thoughts or criticism.
Beware of spoilers behind the cut, by the way.
Before I start, let me be clear about something: Serph truly cares about all of his comrades, ALL of them. That’s how Serph is and it will never change.
So what happens when this compassionate silent hero finds out about Heat not only being in love with Sera (though chances are Serph already knew beforehand, but being as retarded as he is, he didn’t really realize what it was until now, thanks to camp and everyone who explained this kind of things to him) but also has dim feelings for him? Heat, who is by far the most difficult member of his tribe to deal with? It was something he never expected to know, but even if it was unexpected, it made Serph feels responsible.
What do I mean? Well, Serph comes from this point in canon where the last thing he remembers is falling down into the EGG along with Heat (because Heat tried to kill him and almost succeeded), but learning The Whole Truth about Five Years Ago was, exactly, the last thing he remembers before coming to camp. This means that Serph knows about Sheffield, about O’Brien, about his own ‘other self’ causing everything and, you know, being the source of Heat’s central hatred. However, when he came to camp he found a Heat who hasn’t changed, exactly, but a Heat who had time to think over everything, not the Heat who almost killed him what it felt like hours ago to Serph. In canon, Serph didn’t really have a chance to talk to Heat after that, because later on Heat dies and then Seraph happens, so.
One of the issues about Digital Devil Saga is: they didn’t have time to do anything. Everything happens too fast. But in camp, Serph have time to think and time to live, without the Sun uploading Earth’s Data or trying to rescue Sera or just trying to keep his tribe alive (even if most of the time he only leads them into traps or walk into walls). But Serph never ever complains about any of that, never, he will do and give everything for his tribe without giving it a second thought.
Anyway, Serph also believes that time has stopped back in the Real World, so even if he worries about his comrades, he knows he can’t do anything right now and, honestly, he likes camp.
What about the whole Heat/Sera/Serph love triangle, then? Well, it’s hard for me to express his feelings because, in canon, he tends to go all ‘…’ or express them through facial expressions, and usually, someone of his tribe will explain his feelings for him. This has recently started to force Serph into talking a bit more in camp, because he is learning that normal people doesn’t understand him with just a glance as it was before with his tribe (and almost everyone else in the games). But Serph’s feelings are very naïve, retarded and innocent at most.
Meaning: Serph likes both Sera AND Heat. He truly cares about the two of them and he will try to make them happy at any cost. Serph doesn’t mind and never will if Heat never cares in the same way he does about him, because that’s the kind of person Serph is. Serph didn’t get WHY it was bad of him to like them both. In fact, Serph still doesn’t really get it at this point, he even believes that Sera would want to make Heat happy too, but at the same time Serph feels unsure and that’s why he is NOT trying to force his way on Heat all that much anymore. Serph also thinks that if Sera loved Heat back instead of him, it would be the best for everyone (even if that means he would be left alone and, honestly, Serph would be okay with that, because, again, that’s the kind of person he is), but at this point Serph has come to accept Sera’s feelings and will do anything to protect her, BUT he also wants to make Heat happy.
Serph believes the whole situation is unfair to Heat. That’s why he tries to do what he can, even if he knows it will never be enough and the only thing that bothers Serph is exactly that: how little he can do in order to make Heat happy right now. Because while Sera could arrive at any time (APP SERA), it’s impossible to guess when. We have also the whole thing where Heat kissed Serph the other day at the library, that event made Serph realize three things: Heat indeed feels something for him, but at the same Heat deny those feelings and, Heat doesn’t wish those feelings to matter at all. Serph doesn’t really see the whole ‘starting a relationship’ thing with Heat as something… big, if that makes any sense. He just wants to stay with Heat, be his leader, his comrade and let him do things (like making out), but also wants Heat to be happy (however, instead of that Serph is making everything more complicated, and maybe he will realize that someday).
Obviously what Serph wants and Heat’s wishes are crashing. Hard. I don’t know if any of this explains well enough Serph’s current behavior, or why he will keep on trying to get the three of them together on a threesome (or at least, make Heat accept they can make out if that helps in any way). Of course, if Sera ever comes to camp and she says she is against it, Serph will accept that but… well, he would feel truly unhappy about leaving Heat out of that. But I’m not going there until it happens.
In short: Serph loves both Heat and Sera. Serph will keep on doing stupid and retarded things in the future in order to get Heat to accept him. Serph doesn’t care if Heat doesn’t care enough about him. Serph will, however, be Serph and will keep on trying because deep down he feels guilty about what happened five years ago and he feels responsible. So even if Heat is stubborn and doesn’t want anything to happen between them because of Sera, Serph will still try. Yeah, he fails.
Besides, Serph misses his comrades a lot. Heat is the only one of them in camp, and that’s why it’s so important to him to do his best right now.
I think I made my point somewhere, maybe I didn’t or maybe I just totally fail. Please, hit me hard if that’s the case. Thank you if you read all this, I spend a huge amount of time writing it and I appreciate any thoughts or criticism.