Voice and silence [Women and Violence, Part 8]

[sigelphoenix]

[This is part of my series on Women and Violence, which I am writing as a project for a Women Studies course I'm taking. For an explanation and information on my intentions with this series, please see the introductionIn "The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action," Audre Lorde writes the following description of her thought process

Comments

[amazon_syren]

women lose partial control over their bodies just by virtue of getting married

Yup.

It took months (months), and a number of very uncomfortable conversations, to get my husband to understand that just because he's my husband doesn't mean he gets to grope me whenever he wants, and that my being naked does not equal my being interested in sex. :-P

Not a happy time, let me tell you. (We're doing better now, though, don't worry).

and this?: "You're scared of our connection, right? I know you can feel it. I felt it the minute I laid eyes on you."
This is just plain creepy. Presumptuous bastards. <*disgusted*>

[sigelphoenix]

And I'm sure, since you chose to marry him, that he's a good, intelligent, considerate guy, right? It's just that guys are socialized to have really fucked up assumptions about sex. *sigh*

I'm glad you're working through it. The sign of a good man isn't whether he's already anti-sexist - there's waaaaaay too much socialization working against him - but how willing he is to learn.

[amazon_syren]

Re: My marrying him: Yeah, exactly. (I'm pretty sure his version of hell is one where he's a rapist and a murderer. As in: That's the worse possible thing that could ever, ever happen).
And, yeah.
Really fucked up assumptions about sex.

Re: Working through it:
Well, that's marriage for you. :-)
<*insert platitudes here*> ;-)

Re: Socialization: Yeah. :-P But he's willing to learn. Sometimes he freaks out a little 'cause, y'know, rocking the world-view. But he is willing to learn. :-)

- TTFN,
- Amazon. :-)