Jack/Daniel Ficathon VII - Connotations, NC-17
(See all the new J/D stories at jd_ficathon)
Title: Connotations
Author: Sid
Summary: Optional Request: They've always been giving and adventurous in bed, but now one of them is worried that the other's fantasy reflects internalized homophobia, and continuing to indulge their partner might be doing them harm.
Word Count: ~2,450
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not making a nickel or intending to infringe. Just giving them some love.
Written For: prehistoric_sea/karmageddon
Prompt: Two Requirements: 1. NC-17 2. Dealing with internalized homophobia in a realistic but positive way
Restriction #1: Please no "Daniel is the first/only guy Jack has been with"
Restriction #2: Please no "anal sex as the be-all end-all, or the only Real Sex"
Notes: Many thanks to
jd_junkie for beta duties, encouragement, handholding, and very gentle slaps upside the head. A big thank you to
melayneseahawk for ego-stroking and sound advice on pacing and a title! (in addition to running this ‘thon!) And, finally, thank you to my writee for writing my summary for me. *g*
CONNOTATIONS
“I promise you you’ll like it,” Daniel said in his best sultry tone.
“Hey, hey! Hands, asshole.” Jack gripped Daniel’s wrist and moved it away from his crotch. “I told you, I don’t get off on that shit.”
“That hard-on I just found tells me otherwise. C’mon, Jack. Just….”
There was a brief wrestling match that ended in the inevitable fashion, with Daniel facedown on the couch and Jack’s erection pressing against the seam of his slut-tight jeans. Jack’s breath was hot on Daniel’s neck and the back of his ear, but his voice was cold. “Quit screwing with me. How many times do I have to tell you? I’m straight.”
Daniel wriggled his butt as much as Jack’s weight would allow. “You can say it as many times as you want, but I’m gonna keep listening to your cock.” He held his breath, waiting for Jack’s response, his own cock pushing down into the couch cushion hopefully.
Jack’s dining room clock ticked.
Finally, Jack shifted and spoke. “Fuck. You.”
“Not without a condom. And anyway, I thought we’d work up to that.” Daniel distinctly felt the twitch of interest against his butt.
“Damn it, Daniel.” Jack pushed up and away, struggling to his feet.
Daniel flipped over. Jack had his back turned and was running a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. Daniel smiled to himself and started to unbutton his shirt. “You have no idea what I can do with my tongue.”
Jack shuddered.
“I’ll make you feel so good, better than you’ve felt in years.” Daniel sat up and swung his legs over the side of the couch. He shimmied his shirt off his shoulders and down his arms. “I’ll make you come so hard, with my mouth and my tongue.” He dropped his voice a register “I’ll give you the best blow job you’ve ever had in your entire fucking life.”
Jack turned around. His face was red and he was fumbling with the button at his waistband.
“Jack,” Daniel crooned, reaching out and cupping one hand around Jack’s hip. “Yessss.”
“Shut up. Just… do it and shut the fuck up.” Jack’s voice was shaking, and Daniel knew it wasn’t with anger, feigned or otherwise.
Neither of them spoke again for a long time. Daniel had his mouth full and Jack, standing between his open legs, no doubt had his hands full just trying not to whimper. The whole ‘uninterested totally straight guy here’ delusion/illusion would collapse like a house of cards at the merest hint of a whimper.
Daniel amused himself for a minute or so with that thought, because the image of a collapsing Jack O’Neill flailing and fluttering to the ground was an enticing one. And Daniel had little doubt of his ability to make it happen, but the methods he’d need to use wouldn’t necessarily go over well with a skittish first-timer who’d never been properly introduced to his prostate, poor baby.
A chuckle escaped him before he could stop it, his mouth vibrating against Jack’s firm slick flesh.
Jack tensed, and one of the hands that had been passively but tightly gripping Daniel’s head dropped to his shoulder and the fingers dug in hard. “Unh.”
Well, it wasn’t a whimper. Still, Daniel was smiling as he pulled back a bit to swirl his tongue around the head of Jack’s cock.
“Suck. Suck it.” Jack’s voice was low and commanding, but breathless, and the once-passive hand was pressing now, urging Daniel forward.
Daniel didn’t need to be urged, didn’t really require the feedback, not with Jack’s cock giving little urgent jumps against the roof of his mouth, not with the bitter-salt tang of Jack’s pre-ejaculate exploding on his tongue and making his own cock twice as hard as it had been. He could tell just how close Jack was and he knew just what he needed to do to make it oh-so-good and come-back-again-soon and fuck-you’re-good. He swallowed Jack to the root and kept swallowing, rubbing behind his balls with his knuckles, making filthy, wet, encouraging noises.
“Oh, Christ,” Jack whispered.
Daniel drew back to breathe and went back down.
“Fuck. Fucker. God damn you.”
Yes, Jack. Come for me, Jack.
“This doesn’t change anything.” Jack’s voice was tight. His hands were tight, crushing Daniel’s skull. “Nothing, you fucking….” He broke off, gasping.
And there it was, goddammit. Even when Jack didn’t say it, he said it. God. Fucking. Dammit. Why had it taken him this long to see it?
Distracted, Daniel narrowly avoided choking when Jack shot down his throat. He swallowed more in self-defense than anything and waited for the second spurt. Once that was down, he pulled off Jack hastily, replacing his mouth with his hand, and cleared his throat several times. He removed his hand when Jack stepped to the side after a few seconds.
Jack patted Daniel’s hair roughly and turned on his heel to flop down on the couch beside him. “Mmm.” He put an arm around Daniel’s shoulders and pulled him down to rest next to him against the back cushions. “Mmm,” he said again, and turned his head to nuzzle Daniel’s ear. “Thanks.”
Daniel exhaled through his nose.
“Mmm?” Jack shifted to get more comfortable. “Give me a minute. You wiped me out.” He dropped one hand into Daniel’s lap and moved it around idly.
“No; stop that.”
“Why?” Jack moved his hand experimentally. “Did you already come? You’re not very hard.”
“Stop it,” Daniel said again, louder.
Jack’s hand was gone in a flash. “Is…?” He sat up straighter. “What’s the matter?”
Daniel looked at the ceiling. “‘Faggot.’”
He heard Jack swallow and inhale. “I didn’t say that. You don’t like it. I would never say it.”
“You almost said it.”
“Did not.”
“I heard it.”
“You told me not to and I gave you my word. I didn’t say it.”
“You were thinking it.”
“Aw, Christ, Daniel!” Jack’s arm left Daniel’s shoulder. “Aren’t you taking this a little too far? Or are you planning to censor my brain 24 hours a day now?”
“I’m worried.”
Jack was silent.
Daniel turned his head to look at him, gnawing at his lower lip. “Don’t you want to know what I’m worried about?”
“No.” Jack sighed. “Because I’m sure you’re about to tell me anyway. I just want to know that you’re not pissed off at me.”
Daniel twisted sideways and took Jack’s hand. “Okay?”
“Okaaay,” Jack answered, glancing down at their hands and then eyeing him warily.
“This fantasy of yours is worrying me. This word that you’re not saying - thank you and I appreciate it - but it’s there all the same, worries me.”
“We’ve played this scene out before, Daniel. Straight guy gets seduced. It’s never seemed to bother you. Except that second time, and I took what you said to heart even though it was never directed at you, per se. That word.” Jack’s lip twitched.
“It’s not being called a faggot that I objected to, Jack. It was the obvious connotation you were putting on the word that I found distinctly unpleasant.”
“And like I explained, it wasn’t aimed at you, but I agreed not to use it again.”
“But I don’t have any issues with being called a faggot, Jack.” Daniel waved his free hand. “It’s the whole ‘you’re a faggot and therefore disgusting and horrible’ connotation that’s bothering me.”
Jack let go of him and raised both his index fingers. “Okay, well, now I’m the one who’s having a problem with the word, because I would never think of you as a faggot.”
“So it would bother you if I referred to myself as a faggot?”
“Yes!”
“Because faggots are disgusting.”
“Because the word… no, don’t throw a linguistics lesson in my face.” Only one finger this time. “I know about bundles of sticks, yadda yadda. The slang expression has a negative connotation.”
“Depends how it’s being used, and by whom. There was no negative connotation intended when I said it just now. It can actually be a term of affection under certain circumstances.”
Jack glared at him. “Can we quit playing with semantics? Obviously we don’t always hear the same things.”
“That’s because connotations are subjective.”
“I get that, thank you.”
“For example, you wouldn’t ever be comfortable calling yourself gay.”
“Because I’m not. I’m bi.”
“And you cling to that.”
Jack gaped at him. “What the fuck are you trying to say now? I’m not bi?”
“We’ve both been married, both loved women. Am I less bi than you are?”
“What? No. That doesn’t even make sense.”
“But you tend to think of me as gay. Am I right?”
Jack’s mouth opened and closed again.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer. It doesn’t really matter right now. I just think it’s interesting, how we’re approaching this thing of ours differently.”
“Daniel, I have to tell you. I’m… losing track of this conversation.”
Daniel snorted and took hold of Jack’s hand again. “Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking and what’s worrying me. You self-identify as bisexual. That’s fine; me, too. You, however, could never bear to think of yourself as a gay man. Because bi is as close to straight as you can get, and straight is what you think you should be. Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m reading too much into this. Your favorite fantasy is that you’re straight and being seduced by a gay man. Within that fantasy, you curse and deny and stop just short of name-calling, and then only because I asked you to.” Daniel looked at the rigid expression on Jack’s face and started talking faster. “You’re not just playing a straight man; you’re playing a homophobe who just can’t help himself when the wicked faggot starts talking about all the nasty things he can do with his tongue. I know, I know, you’ve had to spend your whole life hiding who you are, this part of you….” Jack’s nails were digging into Daniel’s hand. “Ow.”
Jack started. “Sorry.” He tried to pull his hand away but Daniel hung on.
“Jack, I basically stopped considering myself a… a practicing bisexual when I committed to you.”
“I’m committed to you, too,” Jack said hoarsely.
“But how well can that work if all the time you’re wishing you were somebody else?” Daniel squeezed Jack’s hand and felt his own face scrunch up. “Somebody more straight?”
“I don’t want… I want to be with you.” Jack looked pale, but stubborn.
Daniel waited. And waited. “But?” he prompted, feeling a little queasy.
“I admit that life would be easier….” Jack licked his lips and looked away. “I’ve always….”
Daniel nodded, his lips pressed together tightly. “Life in the military. Life in the United States. Life in your generation.”
“Don’t forget the Boy Scouts and the church.’ Grimacing, Jack raised a foot and forcefully shoved the coffee table away. “I had it all once with Sara. Or damn close to it. It was enough.” He looked at Daniel with anguished eyes. “I could fight the rest. Be what I was supposed to be.”
Daniel nodded and stroked Jack’s hand.
“Before Sara, since Sara… being bisexual meant that I could have that. Potentially. Be that person. There was always a chance. I didn’t have to….”
“Be a faggot,” Daniel murmured.
Jack’s lips curled in a snarl. “Yeah. Fuck.”
“Fuck,” Daniel agreed quietly.
Jack turned to him, frowning. “No. Daniel. It’s…. Listen.”
“Okay.” Daniel licked his lips.
“You know I’ve been with other men. Cared for some. Hell, even loved one or two while it lasted. But… yeah, always thought about how much easier my life would be if I didn’t. Yeah. Wanted….”
“To be ‘normal’. To fit society’s perception of what normal should be.”
Jack shook their joined hands. “But you. Jesus. The minute I met you.”
Daniel just looked at him.
“No, not love at first sight. The hair, Daniel. Not with that hair.”
“Well, I didn’t think so.”
“But, damn. The way you stood. The way you moved. Your eyes. That big brain of yours. What I’m trying to say is… you’re the whole package for me. The instant attraction, the man I got to know, the best friend, the person I fell in love with. Daniel.” Jack shook their hands again. “Daniel.”
“What?”
“You’re the first, the first man….” Tears started to Jack’s eyes and he blinked them back. “You’re the only man I haven’t thought, ‘I’ll throw him over in a heartbeat when the right woman comes along.’”
“Jack.” Daniel couldn’t get enough air into his lungs.
“Yeah.” Jack sniffed. “Maybe I am a little bit gay.”
“Oh.” Daniel took Jack into his arms and rocked him. “Jack. Don’t. I didn’t mean….”
“I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want to be somebody else, either. Just… better. You make me want….”
“Shh.”
Jack’s strangled laugh was muffled against Daniel’s neck. “You really hate it when I spill my guts.”
“It’s the way you sulk afterwards.”
“Prick.”
Daniel cradled the back of Jack’s skull tenderly. “Do you think we could let this fantasy go?”
“I think it already went, about five minutes ago.” Jack sounded somewhere between embarrassed and regretful.
“Maybe we can find something a little more - don’t hate me - ‘affirming’.”
Jack sighed. “Well, I said I wanted to be a better man.” He raised his head and met Daniel’s gaze. “It was an old, bad habit, Daniel. I don’t want you worrying.”
Daniel winced. “I respect that you’re in a better place than you used to be, but I think we’re going to need to talk about this some more.”
One corner of Jack’s mouth pulled in. “Yeah. I knew that. Later, though, huh?”
“Later,” Daniel agreed willingly.
“Because, anyway, right now I seem to recall we have some unfinished business. Maybe we should take care of that?”
“Mmm? Oh! Well, you know I’m always open to suggestions.”
“Slut.” Jack’s hand roamed down Daniel’s back and squeezed his ass. “Which reminds me: let’s not throw the slutty jeans out with the fantasy, okay? That would be wasteful.”
Daniel smiled. Only the happiest of connotations there.
“I’m sure I’ll come up with a new fantasy eventually. Something… healthy and uplifting.”
Daniel snorted at the look on Jack’s face.
“Meanwhile,” Jack stroked Daniel’s jaw, “there’s always the stern professor and the world’s oldest student, right?”
Daniel’s unsatisfied cock stirred. “Ooh. Right!”
“Because I really need to get a good grade on this test, Doctor Jackson. I’ll do anything. Just… tell me what I need to do to pass.”
“Come in, Mr. O’Neill.” Daniel ran his thumb along Jack’s lower lip. “Lock the door behind you.”
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Title: Connotations
Author: Sid
Summary: Optional Request: They've always been giving and adventurous in bed, but now one of them is worried that the other's fantasy reflects internalized homophobia, and continuing to indulge their partner might be doing them harm.
Word Count: ~2,450
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not making a nickel or intending to infringe. Just giving them some love.
Written For: prehistoric_sea/karmageddon
Prompt: Two Requirements: 1. NC-17 2. Dealing with internalized homophobia in a realistic but positive way
Restriction #1: Please no "Daniel is the first/only guy Jack has been with"
Restriction #2: Please no "anal sex as the be-all end-all, or the only Real Sex"
Notes: Many thanks to
jd_junkie for beta duties, encouragement, handholding, and very gentle slaps upside the head. A big thank you to
melayneseahawk for ego-stroking and sound advice on pacing and a title! (in addition to running this ‘thon!) And, finally, thank you to my writee for writing my summary for me. *g*
CONNOTATIONS
“I promise you you’ll like it,” Daniel said in his best sultry tone.
“Hey, hey! Hands, asshole.” Jack gripped Daniel’s wrist and moved it away from his crotch. “I told you, I don’t get off on that shit.”
“That hard-on I just found tells me otherwise. C’mon, Jack. Just….”
There was a brief wrestling match that ended in the inevitable fashion, with Daniel facedown on the couch and Jack’s erection pressing against the seam of his slut-tight jeans. Jack’s breath was hot on Daniel’s neck and the back of his ear, but his voice was cold. “Quit screwing with me. How many times do I have to tell you? I’m straight.”
Daniel wriggled his butt as much as Jack’s weight would allow. “You can say it as many times as you want, but I’m gonna keep listening to your cock.” He held his breath, waiting for Jack’s response, his own cock pushing down into the couch cushion hopefully.
Jack’s dining room clock ticked.
Finally, Jack shifted and spoke. “Fuck. You.”
“Not without a condom. And anyway, I thought we’d work up to that.” Daniel distinctly felt the twitch of interest against his butt.
“Damn it, Daniel.” Jack pushed up and away, struggling to his feet.
Daniel flipped over. Jack had his back turned and was running a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. Daniel smiled to himself and started to unbutton his shirt. “You have no idea what I can do with my tongue.”
Jack shuddered.
“I’ll make you feel so good, better than you’ve felt in years.” Daniel sat up and swung his legs over the side of the couch. He shimmied his shirt off his shoulders and down his arms. “I’ll make you come so hard, with my mouth and my tongue.” He dropped his voice a register “I’ll give you the best blow job you’ve ever had in your entire fucking life.”
Jack turned around. His face was red and he was fumbling with the button at his waistband.
“Jack,” Daniel crooned, reaching out and cupping one hand around Jack’s hip. “Yessss.”
“Shut up. Just… do it and shut the fuck up.” Jack’s voice was shaking, and Daniel knew it wasn’t with anger, feigned or otherwise.
Neither of them spoke again for a long time. Daniel had his mouth full and Jack, standing between his open legs, no doubt had his hands full just trying not to whimper. The whole ‘uninterested totally straight guy here’ delusion/illusion would collapse like a house of cards at the merest hint of a whimper.
Daniel amused himself for a minute or so with that thought, because the image of a collapsing Jack O’Neill flailing and fluttering to the ground was an enticing one. And Daniel had little doubt of his ability to make it happen, but the methods he’d need to use wouldn’t necessarily go over well with a skittish first-timer who’d never been properly introduced to his prostate, poor baby.
A chuckle escaped him before he could stop it, his mouth vibrating against Jack’s firm slick flesh.
Jack tensed, and one of the hands that had been passively but tightly gripping Daniel’s head dropped to his shoulder and the fingers dug in hard. “Unh.”
Well, it wasn’t a whimper. Still, Daniel was smiling as he pulled back a bit to swirl his tongue around the head of Jack’s cock.
“Suck. Suck it.” Jack’s voice was low and commanding, but breathless, and the once-passive hand was pressing now, urging Daniel forward.
Daniel didn’t need to be urged, didn’t really require the feedback, not with Jack’s cock giving little urgent jumps against the roof of his mouth, not with the bitter-salt tang of Jack’s pre-ejaculate exploding on his tongue and making his own cock twice as hard as it had been. He could tell just how close Jack was and he knew just what he needed to do to make it oh-so-good and come-back-again-soon and fuck-you’re-good. He swallowed Jack to the root and kept swallowing, rubbing behind his balls with his knuckles, making filthy, wet, encouraging noises.
“Oh, Christ,” Jack whispered.
Daniel drew back to breathe and went back down.
“Fuck. Fucker. God damn you.”
Yes, Jack. Come for me, Jack.
“This doesn’t change anything.” Jack’s voice was tight. His hands were tight, crushing Daniel’s skull. “Nothing, you fucking….” He broke off, gasping.
And there it was, goddammit. Even when Jack didn’t say it, he said it. God. Fucking. Dammit. Why had it taken him this long to see it?
Distracted, Daniel narrowly avoided choking when Jack shot down his throat. He swallowed more in self-defense than anything and waited for the second spurt. Once that was down, he pulled off Jack hastily, replacing his mouth with his hand, and cleared his throat several times. He removed his hand when Jack stepped to the side after a few seconds.
Jack patted Daniel’s hair roughly and turned on his heel to flop down on the couch beside him. “Mmm.” He put an arm around Daniel’s shoulders and pulled him down to rest next to him against the back cushions. “Mmm,” he said again, and turned his head to nuzzle Daniel’s ear. “Thanks.”
Daniel exhaled through his nose.
“Mmm?” Jack shifted to get more comfortable. “Give me a minute. You wiped me out.” He dropped one hand into Daniel’s lap and moved it around idly.
“No; stop that.”
“Why?” Jack moved his hand experimentally. “Did you already come? You’re not very hard.”
“Stop it,” Daniel said again, louder.
Jack’s hand was gone in a flash. “Is…?” He sat up straighter. “What’s the matter?”
Daniel looked at the ceiling. “‘Faggot.’”
He heard Jack swallow and inhale. “I didn’t say that. You don’t like it. I would never say it.”
“You almost said it.”
“Did not.”
“I heard it.”
“You told me not to and I gave you my word. I didn’t say it.”
“You were thinking it.”
“Aw, Christ, Daniel!” Jack’s arm left Daniel’s shoulder. “Aren’t you taking this a little too far? Or are you planning to censor my brain 24 hours a day now?”
“I’m worried.”
Jack was silent.
Daniel turned his head to look at him, gnawing at his lower lip. “Don’t you want to know what I’m worried about?”
“No.” Jack sighed. “Because I’m sure you’re about to tell me anyway. I just want to know that you’re not pissed off at me.”
Daniel twisted sideways and took Jack’s hand. “Okay?”
“Okaaay,” Jack answered, glancing down at their hands and then eyeing him warily.
“This fantasy of yours is worrying me. This word that you’re not saying - thank you and I appreciate it - but it’s there all the same, worries me.”
“We’ve played this scene out before, Daniel. Straight guy gets seduced. It’s never seemed to bother you. Except that second time, and I took what you said to heart even though it was never directed at you, per se. That word.” Jack’s lip twitched.
“It’s not being called a faggot that I objected to, Jack. It was the obvious connotation you were putting on the word that I found distinctly unpleasant.”
“And like I explained, it wasn’t aimed at you, but I agreed not to use it again.”
“But I don’t have any issues with being called a faggot, Jack.” Daniel waved his free hand. “It’s the whole ‘you’re a faggot and therefore disgusting and horrible’ connotation that’s bothering me.”
Jack let go of him and raised both his index fingers. “Okay, well, now I’m the one who’s having a problem with the word, because I would never think of you as a faggot.”
“So it would bother you if I referred to myself as a faggot?”
“Yes!”
“Because faggots are disgusting.”
“Because the word… no, don’t throw a linguistics lesson in my face.” Only one finger this time. “I know about bundles of sticks, yadda yadda. The slang expression has a negative connotation.”
“Depends how it’s being used, and by whom. There was no negative connotation intended when I said it just now. It can actually be a term of affection under certain circumstances.”
Jack glared at him. “Can we quit playing with semantics? Obviously we don’t always hear the same things.”
“That’s because connotations are subjective.”
“I get that, thank you.”
“For example, you wouldn’t ever be comfortable calling yourself gay.”
“Because I’m not. I’m bi.”
“And you cling to that.”
Jack gaped at him. “What the fuck are you trying to say now? I’m not bi?”
“We’ve both been married, both loved women. Am I less bi than you are?”
“What? No. That doesn’t even make sense.”
“But you tend to think of me as gay. Am I right?”
Jack’s mouth opened and closed again.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer. It doesn’t really matter right now. I just think it’s interesting, how we’re approaching this thing of ours differently.”
“Daniel, I have to tell you. I’m… losing track of this conversation.”
Daniel snorted and took hold of Jack’s hand again. “Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking and what’s worrying me. You self-identify as bisexual. That’s fine; me, too. You, however, could never bear to think of yourself as a gay man. Because bi is as close to straight as you can get, and straight is what you think you should be. Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m reading too much into this. Your favorite fantasy is that you’re straight and being seduced by a gay man. Within that fantasy, you curse and deny and stop just short of name-calling, and then only because I asked you to.” Daniel looked at the rigid expression on Jack’s face and started talking faster. “You’re not just playing a straight man; you’re playing a homophobe who just can’t help himself when the wicked faggot starts talking about all the nasty things he can do with his tongue. I know, I know, you’ve had to spend your whole life hiding who you are, this part of you….” Jack’s nails were digging into Daniel’s hand. “Ow.”
Jack started. “Sorry.” He tried to pull his hand away but Daniel hung on.
“Jack, I basically stopped considering myself a… a practicing bisexual when I committed to you.”
“I’m committed to you, too,” Jack said hoarsely.
“But how well can that work if all the time you’re wishing you were somebody else?” Daniel squeezed Jack’s hand and felt his own face scrunch up. “Somebody more straight?”
“I don’t want… I want to be with you.” Jack looked pale, but stubborn.
Daniel waited. And waited. “But?” he prompted, feeling a little queasy.
“I admit that life would be easier….” Jack licked his lips and looked away. “I’ve always….”
Daniel nodded, his lips pressed together tightly. “Life in the military. Life in the United States. Life in your generation.”
“Don’t forget the Boy Scouts and the church.’ Grimacing, Jack raised a foot and forcefully shoved the coffee table away. “I had it all once with Sara. Or damn close to it. It was enough.” He looked at Daniel with anguished eyes. “I could fight the rest. Be what I was supposed to be.”
Daniel nodded and stroked Jack’s hand.
“Before Sara, since Sara… being bisexual meant that I could have that. Potentially. Be that person. There was always a chance. I didn’t have to….”
“Be a faggot,” Daniel murmured.
Jack’s lips curled in a snarl. “Yeah. Fuck.”
“Fuck,” Daniel agreed quietly.
Jack turned to him, frowning. “No. Daniel. It’s…. Listen.”
“Okay.” Daniel licked his lips.
“You know I’ve been with other men. Cared for some. Hell, even loved one or two while it lasted. But… yeah, always thought about how much easier my life would be if I didn’t. Yeah. Wanted….”
“To be ‘normal’. To fit society’s perception of what normal should be.”
Jack shook their joined hands. “But you. Jesus. The minute I met you.”
Daniel just looked at him.
“No, not love at first sight. The hair, Daniel. Not with that hair.”
“Well, I didn’t think so.”
“But, damn. The way you stood. The way you moved. Your eyes. That big brain of yours. What I’m trying to say is… you’re the whole package for me. The instant attraction, the man I got to know, the best friend, the person I fell in love with. Daniel.” Jack shook their hands again. “Daniel.”
“What?”
“You’re the first, the first man….” Tears started to Jack’s eyes and he blinked them back. “You’re the only man I haven’t thought, ‘I’ll throw him over in a heartbeat when the right woman comes along.’”
“Jack.” Daniel couldn’t get enough air into his lungs.
“Yeah.” Jack sniffed. “Maybe I am a little bit gay.”
“Oh.” Daniel took Jack into his arms and rocked him. “Jack. Don’t. I didn’t mean….”
“I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want to be somebody else, either. Just… better. You make me want….”
“Shh.”
Jack’s strangled laugh was muffled against Daniel’s neck. “You really hate it when I spill my guts.”
“It’s the way you sulk afterwards.”
“Prick.”
Daniel cradled the back of Jack’s skull tenderly. “Do you think we could let this fantasy go?”
“I think it already went, about five minutes ago.” Jack sounded somewhere between embarrassed and regretful.
“Maybe we can find something a little more - don’t hate me - ‘affirming’.”
Jack sighed. “Well, I said I wanted to be a better man.” He raised his head and met Daniel’s gaze. “It was an old, bad habit, Daniel. I don’t want you worrying.”
Daniel winced. “I respect that you’re in a better place than you used to be, but I think we’re going to need to talk about this some more.”
One corner of Jack’s mouth pulled in. “Yeah. I knew that. Later, though, huh?”
“Later,” Daniel agreed willingly.
“Because, anyway, right now I seem to recall we have some unfinished business. Maybe we should take care of that?”
“Mmm? Oh! Well, you know I’m always open to suggestions.”
“Slut.” Jack’s hand roamed down Daniel’s back and squeezed his ass. “Which reminds me: let’s not throw the slutty jeans out with the fantasy, okay? That would be wasteful.”
Daniel smiled. Only the happiest of connotations there.
“I’m sure I’ll come up with a new fantasy eventually. Something… healthy and uplifting.”
Daniel snorted at the look on Jack’s face.
“Meanwhile,” Jack stroked Daniel’s jaw, “there’s always the stern professor and the world’s oldest student, right?”
Daniel’s unsatisfied cock stirred. “Ooh. Right!”
“Because I really need to get a good grade on this test, Doctor Jackson. I’ll do anything. Just… tell me what I need to do to pass.”
“Come in, Mr. O’Neill.” Daniel ran his thumb along Jack’s lower lip. “Lock the door behind you.”
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