maybe shorter maybe clearer no promises

[shweta_narayan]

Here's how I experience gender:

Woman is a good term for how people read me, and thus one sort of marginalization I face.

Femininities (culture-dependent) are modes of behaviour I've learned, survival skills, things imposed on me from outside, things I can manipulate for effect (eg people react more kindly to the health issues when I'm not also

Comments

[shweta_narayan]

<3

Thanks for the rec! Once I'm well enough to parse non-fiction, or more than a page of it at a time, I think it needs to be top of the list. I also really want to read up on relevant movements in India.

(Or actually once I'm well enough to do these things, I'll probably finish the diss, so after that...)

[la_marquise_de_]

Languages are horribly limiting for talking about things like this, I think, but having said that, you have explained what you're thinking very clearly, and I am impressed

[shweta_narayan]

:)

Pondering the trappings of femininity, I really like long hair - but, in everyone. (My hair would be long if it could, but health screwed that up; otoh you met elsmi at WFC right? He's got the lovely long hair because of my bad influence.)

And I love long skirts, but again, partly because trousers set off the eczema in my legs; so I rail against the way in which skirts are a feminine marker, and rather wish everyone could wear them.

But I also love wearing bright colours that are quite gender-marked, and again I think male-identified and non-binary folks should get to wear them toooo but I don't feel as indignant about it as I do with skirts, perhaps because I feel that *is* being reclaimed more than the skirts? I don't know...

[la_marquise_de_]

I am also a fan of long hair on everyone -- you've met the marquis: like elsmi, his is splendid.
And yes, colours and clothing types should be more widely available outside gendered lines too.

[shweta_narayan]

Yes! It is :) I just have no idea what part you played in that if any. elsmi had quite short hair when we met & I coaxed him to grow it out :D

I seem to do that with a lot of friends actually.

Y'know this whole conversation suggests that whileI don't feel able to claim "this is femininity", I feel perfectly able to claim "this isn't necessarily femininity". Which is telling, no?

[julieandrews]

I just think of the awesome conversations we could've had at Clarion about this if more of us had been out/vocal. Well, and not totally buried under a load of reading and writing stuffs! :)

Of course there's the whole maturing, redefining, better articulating thing. I know I'm not where I was at 5 years ago. I know more labels now, which means I can find better fits, but it no longer feels like enough to say 'I know what/who I am'.

[shweta_narayan]

SERIOUSLY
I want to have (some subset of) Clarion again, with the things I understand now and without the cluelessness I've overcome since then. Though I don't think I'd have gotten to this point without Clarion the first time over, and talking to you & others since then?

Also, I'd be much less patient with some other subsets (*coughDAVEcough*) at this point.

[julieandrews]

I'd include some people from other Clarions in a new Clarion. :)

[shweta_narayan]

I like this plan!

[rosefox]

Sometimes it is enough to replace society's ! with your own ?.

Or, to quote Joy Ladin:

"I" is beyond gender, a third term, like the voice of the angel calling from the underbrush, the voice that dissolves the unbearable binaries of must and cannot be.

Labeled or not, consistent or fluid, you are you, and a wonderful you. I'm glad you feel safe enough to show a little more of your you-ness.

I wish you the very best as you sort through this, and I'm happy to talk gender wackiness with you anytime.

[shweta_narayan]

<3 thankyou!

[unhappytriad]

Reading, witnessing and hopefully learning from over here in WhiteCisPrivilegeLand.