H is for: Harmony (part 19)
Title: H is for: Harmony
Author: ShutupEccles
pairing: Arthur/Merlin
word count = 612
Rating: 15 +
Disclaimer: Characters are reproductions of BBC reproductions of Arthurian legend. Lyrics from Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol are used without permission.
Warning: fluffy angst or angsty fluff - not quite sure
Beta: BigOlArthurFan
Summary: Supposed to be very romantic moment, turned out rather moody & soppy. Can’t tell you more without giving the thing away.
19. Harmony
Merlin stayed awake, watching Arthur sleep next to him. Truth was he wasn’t game to sleep in case they both woke up someplace else. He gave in to the impulse he’d been fighting for over an hour and lifted a few strands of blond hair away from the dreaming eyes, rubbing them between his fingers, marvelling that this was real, they were really lying here together, sharing a bed, sharing their lives again.
And it hurt.
It hurt that this present now was not the same present they would have had, should have. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Arthur and when, during that stupid fight Arthur had let slip he felt the same way, Merlin had just wanted to say ‘Tell me again, on purpose this time. Ask me to marry you. Let me know you haven’t completely spent that dream on someone else.’ But instead of bringing them closer together the "rest of my life with" phrase had torn them apart.
“I love you.” He breathed, finally moving the blond hair from his favourite face, calm in sleep. It was an image that came to mind whenever he heard that Snow Patrol song and that bloody song had been played everywhere. This time when the two came together in his mind he didn’t cry because he realised they fit so well because it described the way he and Arthur fit together. Without being aware of it he whispered the words to his soul-mate. “If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world. I don’t quite know, how to say how I feel,” Arthur’s eyes opened awkwardly but Merlin kept going anyway, “Those three words are said too much, they’re not enough.”
Remembering all the times Arthur had said that to him before the song was even released Merlin finally understood what he meant. It wasn’t enough, Arthur deserved more. He kissed him. Arthur’s return kiss was somehow hopeful and sad. Arthur whispered back, slightly more in tune.
“All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes; they’re all I can see. How many times have I heard that song and seen us like this? Don’t make me wake up this time.”
Merlin touched his face and kissed him again.
“I’m here,” he murmured against his lips before drawing back, “we’re here. We always can be if...” Merlin looked deep into Arthur’s eyes looking for some clue as to how to proceed, but there were none. It was too soon, he should wait. It was too late; they could never get back there. This was all they would have. It hurt too much not to try for more. He had to let him know... “Arthur? Will you marry me?”
The tear that had been pressing since Arthur heard Merlin’s voice invade his sleep carried out its threat and spilled, its inelegant track against and up his nose let him know more than anything that this wasn’t some fantasy. Merlin was here, with him, murmuring that same song that always reminded Arthur of their relationship, telling Arthur he wanted him permanently in his life.
“Yes.” He was barely able to whisper. His eyes conveyed the eloquent response his mouth could not and Merlin tenderly took Arthur’s face in both hands.
“I love you Arthur Pendragon, and promise to continue loving you with my dying breath.” Then he angled slightly and kissed Arthur’s lips.
Arthur could only kiss and hold him in reply.
They tangled their limbs familiarly about each other, Merlin resting Arthur’s head in the curve of his shoulder and they gradually fell asleep simply holding tight.
part 20