(no subject)
[Filter: Private]
Yet again, I've been given a choice. Again, there are positives and negatives with both options. However, this time, the answer is not so clear.
What would it mean if I stayed? I told the High Bishop how much I despise him. If I were to remain, would this have consequences? Would it turn me into a target? Would those who associate with me be in danger? I truly am no safer here than I would be anywhere else. As someone who has lost a True Rune, I don't know if I could truly lead Harmonia into the direction it has always been heading towards.
Ha! It looks as though this ends my ongoing relationship with the status quo! When did I, a Bishop of all things, become so treasonous?
What, then, might keep me here? I have asked Nash to keep watch over the resistance (which begs the question of why they did not attempt to ally with Matilda and add their strength to what they possess, but it is far too late to change that), with the implied understanding that he would receive payment (and, of course, that I would not desert). What would he say if I told him of the possibility? I wonder. He witnessed the removal of the True Earth Rune, did he not? Perhaps he would understand. Someone like he is should not want for employment. As for Dios, if he wishes to stay, I'd gladly wait as long as it takes to find a position in the army that would be well-suited.
The fact that he has not tried to influence my decision is more appreciated than he realizes.
Eventually there are those who turn from Harmonia's ideals; I never would have dreamed that I would be among them. Once one considers I was created not only to be a vessel, but to be an enforcer of Hikusaak's will, unquestioning of his orders, the irony becomes apparent.
Perhaps this is what Luc wished for, to turn me against my homeland and my lord. Yet I am not the same as he. I am no Destroyer. Hikusaak would be wise to remember that.
I must admit, the thought of leaving everything I have ever known, even a shadow of it, is rather unnerving.
Yet what would become of me if I stayed? If Hikusaak regained possession of the Circle Rune, he would
...I shudder to think.
There is no reason I must immediately choose one path or the other. Yet there is a solace that writing gives, a way of sorting out my thoughts and priorities, that nothing could ever fully replace.
It is so completely without risk, too.