Breaking Even - Chapter 6
(Poster by: Shriya_4)
Title: Breaking Even
Pairing: YooMin, YunJae, BFF!YooSu, Changmin-Centric
Length: Chaptered
Rating: R
Genre: Horror, Romance, Drama, Heavy!Angst, Band!Fic, Dark!Themes, Tragedy (Not Character Death)
Warnings: Violence, Sasaeng fans, Rape, Torture, BDSM, Drugs
Disclaimer : The Boys - Yeah. Right. -_- , The plot - Is fictional and all mine, any resemblance to any other work is purely coincidental.
Summary A sasaeng fan is out to test the boys. Feeding on the insecurities of the youngest, she draws him and the other four into a game that's worse than death and the very reflection of hell on Earth.
Chapter 6:
“He’s changed…” Yoochun murmured as he watched Changmin stare unseeingly out of the window of the hospital ward; the scars along his body crisscrossing like vicious swords in battle.
Jaejoong winced and curbed the biting retort that lay thick against his tongue.
Of course he’s changed. Who could possibly be the same after going through something as horrific as that?
“He won’t let me come near him. He always closes himself off whenever I try to talk to him or touch him. Why is that? Why, Hyung?”
What do you expect? He lost his senses because of you, he couldn’t control his feelings because of you, and he was hurt because of you. So, what did you think was going to happen?
Aw, is Jaejoongie angry?
Isn’t he your “soulmate”?
You filthy, judgmental beast…
Are you going to attack Minnie’s precious Yoochun?
SHUT UP! He whispers in his head. Shut the fuck up!
“You can hear them too, can’t you?” Changmin whispered, his voice raw and husky; beautiful, pained and ruined.
Jaejoong looked at him searchingly, taking in those jaded brown eyes, before choosing to lean back against the wall for far more support than his heart was willing to give him.
“Hear what?”
“The voices…”
“The dark ones? Yes...”
“They’ve always been there…”
“I know.”
Yoochun, who’d finally heard Changmin speak after days of silence, glanced between the two of them and wondered out loud, “What the fuck are you guys talking about?”
They ignored him; preferring to communicate through the intricacies of their own eyes, unheeding to those who couldn’t or rather wouldn’t understand.
“They say…” Changmin mumbled, licking his chapped lips in thought, his brows furrowing as his eyes sought the sun, “that when you touch Evil… it unleashes the cruelty inside of you, that when you see despair for what it is, you become more aware of the darkness within you…”
Flashback:
“Where are you? Jaejoong get him to the hospital! Do something, now!”
“Help me, Yunho. Help him.”
“Tell me where you are."
That isn't Yunho's voice.
Rage beyond anything he had ever felt before, consumed him until his entire body shook with this instinctive, animalistic urge to kill whoever had put Changmin through those horrors.
“You sick fuck! What did you do to him?!”
“Do to who, Oppa? Why are you calling Yunho-Oppa?”
Not them. Not the ones that took him…
Have to remember that there are more…so many more.
Jaejoong cut the call and flung his phone hard against the wall of the alley, watching is perverse despair as the gadget crumbled into a million pieces.
He leant back against the wall and stared unseeingly at the wall in front of him; his hands hugging the younger boy close to his chest as he waited torturously for the ambulance to arrive.
“You’re going to be okay, baby… You’re going to be fine.”
They should all die, right, Jaejoong?
The ones who hurt your precious Changmin…
They should all die.
You’ll kill them, won’t you?
One
By
One.
Yes.
He clenched his fist and sighed, almost relaxing when he heard the distinct sound of the ambulance coming their way.
Relaxing?
You will never relax again.
End Flashback:
“This darkness starts to consume you…it becomes you…and then you become no better than the things that you’re most afraid off. You start to ruin yourself and then ruin those around you.”
“Slowly…”
“Desperately…”
“Surely…”
The lead singer suppressed a shudder at those words, a cold, dark understanding searing through his body.
“And do you know what the worst part is...? The worst part is that there’s no way to become normal again. Nothing’s going to be the same anymore. Everything’s going to change. There’s no coming back from this…”
Confused and possibly jealous beyond words at the seamless understanding between the two of them, Yoochun reached out to run soft fingers down Changmin’s bruised cheek, trying desperately to ignore the clenching of his heart as the younger winced and retracted from his touch.
“Changmin…”
“I’m sorry, Yoochun-Hyung…” the tenor whispered softly, quietly coming to terms with the fact that, right now, anything his boyfriend did would make him become progressively number.
You still hate him, don’t you, Changmin?
He makes you sick, doesn’t he?
After everything you’ve been through…
The only thing you can think about…
Is the fact that those hands chose to comfort your friend over you.
Resentment…
You resent him.
No. Never. I’ll never resent him. I love him. I love him more than life itself.
Yoochun pulled away, stunned, “Since when have you started calling me ‘Hyung’?”
“I-I…”
“Are you upset with me or something? Is that what this is about?”
“N-No, of course not, I just…I’m not feeling well…”
Yoochun, who knew Changmin better than anyone else, could tell that the younger was lying.
Two weeks. It’s been two weeks since the night we got you back… Why won’t you talk to me? Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?
“Changmin, please, if something’s bothering you…tell me…stop pulling away from me.”
Pulling away from Yoochun?!
Isn’t that convenient…
He’s trying to blame the failure of your relationship on you…
He doesn’t want to take responsibility for what he’s done.
Selfish, filthy, mongrel.
He’s a cheat.
He’s not! HE’S NOT A CHEAT!! STOP IT! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! Please!!
Jaejoong growled as he watched Changmin’s eyes glaze over in pain, “I don’t think this is the right time to pressurize him, Yoochun. Go home. Or better yet, go back to Junsu.”
Changmin bit down hard on to his lower lip and whimpered, a feeling of deep-seated emptiness making his entire body convulse in pain.
“Are you the one doing this?” Yoochun finally snapped, turning away from Changmin’s shaking form and around towards his so-called soul-mate’s, “Are you the one filling ridiculous notions in his head? Because let me tell you something, Jae-Hyung, no matter what you think or what Changmin seems to think, I am not in love with Junsu and-“
“Enough,” Changmin stated, his eyes going cold and boring into Yoochun’s own, “Jaejoong-Hyung has done nothing but stay by my side and take care of me. He understands what I’m going through, but you don’t, Yoochun-Hyung. You can’t understand what this feels like. He understands because he let it all in. He let my pain in and made it his own…. which you couldn’t do…”
“Changmin, please I-“
“I’m not blaming you, Hyung…”
Liar.
You filthy liar.
Tell him.
Tell him how you feel tainted.
Tell him how you don’t want to infect him with your filthy body.
Tell him how much you hate yourself.
Tell him how you try to rip your own skin off.
Tell him how you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror.
Tell him how DISGUSTING you really are.
Changmin swallowed the bile that threatened to flood his mouth, his voice cracking in fear and heartbreaking pain as they surged viciously, poisonously, through his soul, “I can’t give you what you need, Hyung. I can’t be what a boyfriend needs to be…I can’t touch you, I can’t love you, I can’t even stand being near you for so many reasons that are not your fault…”
“Do you hate me? Do you not love me anymore?” Yoochun asked, tears flooding his eyes as he watched unspeakable pain fill Changmin’s.
I love you, Yoochun. I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou.
“I can’t make you understand this, Hyung, I can’t make you feel things that you have no idea how to feel. This is my nightmare, Hyung. MINE. Not yours. Not anyone else’s. I don’t know how to make you fit into this new world. I can’t.”
“What are you trying to say, Min? I can’t figure out what you’re trying to say to me…”
Changmin shut his eyes for five excruciating seconds, running his mind’s fingers over his heart, as if trying to stop the pain from bleeding it dry.
“Let’s break up, Hyung. Let’s stop seeing each other.”
Let me sink into this darkness alone.
I can't take you down with me.
We'll both drown.
_____________________________________________
A/N Okay then, wow. /sighs/ I am exhausted writing this chapter. I hope you guys understood the nuances behind it.
Concrit is always appreciated. <3