Fic: The Salt-Wound Routine, Part 2A: Damage Control (V/L) R
Veronica Mars Fic
Title: The Salt-Wound Routine (2/3), Part 2: Damage Control
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica
Word Count: 6,386 (in two parts: 2A: 1,851; 2B: 4,526)
Rating: R (language)
Summary: "Bygones?"
Spoilers/Warnings: Season one, picks up from 1x22
Notes: Part Two was too big for a single post, so I've split it up.
Part 1: Bridge
Logan was both numb and a-swirl with too many thoughts as he made his way up the gentle slope of the beach beside Veronica. Still surprised at himself, he marveled at Veronica’s small hand in his, and he wondered how his life could have gotten any more fucked up.
He was holding hands with the same girl who had accused him of rape only a week ago, and then after realizing her mistake, went for the prize and accused him of murder. He was holding hands with the same girl who his father had tried to kill.
It was impossible-to take it all in. It was impossible to re-order his universe to make all these pieces fit, to make it comprehensible.
And somehow, he was still alive. Or at least, he wasn’t dead. As proof, he could feel every inch of his cut and bruised skin, and his ribs ached. Weevil’s beating had been motivated. And he had Veronica to thank for that, too.
As they approached the Xterra, Veronica released his hand and fumbled in her bag to produce keys. Not thinking, he followed Veronica to the driver’s side, until she stopped and frowned up at him.
“I’m driving, Logan.”
“Why?” he asked stupidly.
“If you have to ask…” She arched an eyebrow and gestured toward the passenger side of the car.
“Fine, whatever,” he muttered and crossed the front of the vehicle to climb in on the other side. It felt strange to be a passenger in his own car. It was even weirder to see Veronica sitting in the driver’s seat next to him. Bizarro world, Logan thought. Everything’s been turned upside down.
Finding his cell phone he examined it blearily as Veronica started the engine. She gave him a look.
“Seatbelt, Logan,” and she wouldn’t throw the SUV into reverse until he was all strapped in. He began to check his messages.
“Fuck, I have ten messages-”
“Three of them are from me,” she said quickly. “You don’t have to listen to them.”
But he did. He listened to each of Veronica’s messages, and he was sober enough now to detect the rising tension and worry in her voice in each successive message. In between there were calls from Duncan and his father’s attorneys. Even one from Trina.
“I can’t believe it.” He stabbed the button to lower the window. Pushing his face into the fresh air, he closed his eyes against the throbbing in his temples.
“What?” Veronica asked.
“Trina actually called,” he said, shaking his head in disgust and flipping the phone end over end in his hands. “She must be running scared.”
“Logan-” she began, and he waited but she didn’t continue. So he went back to his contemplation of the streets rushing by and tried not to think about the picture that was growing in his head.
Lilly…and his father…
Logan propped one arm on the open window and stared out into the dawn, unable to prevent the images from flickering by: Lilly laughing, Lilly being a bitch, kissing Lilly, waiting for Lilly, being stood up by Lilly, fighting with Lilly…loving Lilly, being dumped by Lilly…having sex with Lilly...Lilly having sex with his father…
He didn’t realize he was crying until he felt Veronica’s hand on his arm, and he turned to look at her uncomprehending. She bit her lip, and checking the rearview mirror, she pulled over. She didn’t say anything as she turned to watch him, until she stretched out her hand to touch his head. That was all, just her hand against his disheveled hair, and he was dissolving, breaking, and he knew he was making an ass of himself, but somehow he didn’t care.
By the time he had stopped shaking, his face was in his hands, elbows on his knees, and he could feel Veronica close by, one hand on his arm while the other stroked his back soothingly. He brushed gingerly at the wetness on his cheeks and wiped at his nose. His head hurt now worse than ever.
He gave her a sidelong glance. Her face was very close. He was startled to see that she was also crying, wide-eyed and silent, and his mouth fell open in surprise.
“What-?” he began but she shook her head and began to withdraw, so he instinctively leaned over instead and wrapped his arms around her head and shoulders. “What is it, Veronica?”
She was shaking her head against his shoulder and he didn’t quite catch what she said.
“What?”
“I said, you first.” She retreated from his arms, wiping tears from under her eyes, and she took a deep breath.
He looked at her carefully and sighed. “I was just-thinking about Lilly…and,” he choked a bit: “my father.”
“I mean, how could she love me and do that?” he continued dully. “I don’t get it. How could she do that?” Tears spent, he felt hollow and numb.
“I don’t know, Logan. Honestly I don’t. I thought I knew Lilly, I thought I understood her-at least a little. But now…I feel like-like-“
“Betrayed?” He snorted bitterly. “How does it feel, Veronica?”
When he caught her staring at him in dismay, he just shook his head and gave a short bark of laughter. “What? I’m supposed to just welcome you back with open arms, all’s forgiven, all forgotten? Let’s kiss and make up? I don’t think so, Veronica. I think we need to talk about a little thing called trust.”
“I know,” she replied, looking ashamed.
“You told me that you trusted me. And then you ran the first chance you had. So what was that? A lie?” He ignored her shaking head and doggedly kept going.
“You believed that I was-was-“ His voice shook. “You thought I could have killed Lilly! I could never have killed Lilly! I loved Lilly! I would never have hurt her! I know I’ve been a jackass and I’ve done some pretty stupid things, but I never would have hurt her. And when you disappeared last week-it’s like you were afraid of me, or something. I would never do anything to hurt you, don’t you know that?”
She had to believe that. She had to. He wasn’t sure what he would do if she didn’t.
“Logan-” He heard the pleading in her voice. “The cameras. I thought they were yours.”
He frowned. “What are you talking about?”
She sighed and pressed her fingers to her forehead. She looked so tired, and he felt a pang of remorse. “The cameras in the pool house.”
He blinked at her quizzically, and made to nod his head, instead turning it into a swinging arc of confusion. “Right…clear as mud, Veronica. I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“There are video cameras in the pool house. At least three of them from what I can tell from the angles. That’s where the tapes of Lilly came from,” she explained.
“What?”
She sighed again. “When I found the cameras, I thought they were yours-at least, I thought you knew about them. I don’t know, I guess I thought that everything had been a ruse to get me there, into the pool house, and humiliate me even more. You haven’t exactly been my best friend since Lilly died.”
“So that’s why you split.”
She nodded. “That’s why I split. I found the cameras right after you left, and I freaked out. I had to get out of there.”
“Where are they?”
“Huh?”
“Where are the cameras in the pool house?” he asked, trying to quell his impatience.
“Oh. Well, I’m not exactly sure where all the cameras are, but there’s definitely one in the ceiling fan and one behind the bed, and the recorders are hidden behind sliding panels in the bookcase.”
He was silent, considering this, absently tapping two fingers on the padded armrest. Dear fucking dad. Heh.
“You should have told me.” The words just popped out, but he knew why she hadn’t. It was hard not to feel utterly betrayed that she would think he could do such a thing, and at the same time, he understood completely why she would. Shelley Pomeroy’s party: the salt-lick-the GHB-Duncan-just for starters. A year of unrelenting cruelty unleashed in her direction. He hazarded a glance at her.
Her eyes hardened. “Right. Because I’ve had so many reasons to trust you.”
“Then why did you say you did?” His throat was tight.
“Because I wanted to, Logan. I really wanted to. You know,” she said slowly. “I really did feel like we were crossing over into something. That night was the first time in a long time that I felt like I could really, really trust someone other than my dad. Wallace, you…” She trailed off.
“And then I found those cameras and…well, let’s just say, I wasn’t looking forward to being the punch line of yet another Neptune High joke, or-or-ending up all over the internet, like some famous examples we might know.”
“Like Lilly.” He looked down at his hands and realized he was flipping the phone again. He forced himself to stop and tightened his grip around it. His head was spinning.
“Like Lilly,” she agreed. She was silent for a moment and then: “Logan-“
“It’s okay. I get it.”
“Logan-“
“No, no, you’re right. I haven’t given you a lot of reasons to trust me. When Lilly died, I don’t know, I just got so angry.”
He heard her sigh, and he forced himself to look at her. He smiled crookedly: “I was a jackass. And you were so convenient.”
Her mouth twisted, and she lifted her hand in a sarcastic salute. “Yeah, that’s me. Ms. Convenient. Proud to serve.”
“I should know better,” he said abruptly, his mind changing tack.
She shook her head at him quizzically. “What?”
“It’s dangerous to keep secrets from you. Somehow you always find out.”
They both half-smiled at each other, and she inclined her head. “Yup.”
“So what-?” he began, when their smiles faded. “We’re going to tell each other all our secrets now?”
“I don’t know, Logan. Are we?”
Suddenly uncomfortable, he shifted in his seat. “I guess that depends on whether or not you can forgive me. And-” Staring his hands, he paused for a long moment, before continuing quietly: “-and on whether or not I can forgive you.”
“Wow,” she said, looking rather impressed. “How self-aware of you, Logan. That’s…almost mature.”
“Yeah, well, I’m full of surprises.”
“I can see that.”
“So what do you say, Veronica?” He tried to ignore the sudden lump in his throat. He cast a sidelong look at her.
“Bygones?” He couldn’t figure her expression as he watched her out of the corner of his eye. Slowly, she shook her head, and his heart sank, even though he’d been expecting it. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that just yet.”
Logan turned away and looked out into the cool early morning light. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “Me neither.”
Part 2B