One Path Chapter 54--No Matter What Happens Tomorrow
Title: No Matter What Happens Tomorrow
Author: Lionchilde
Summary: Padme felt him as soon as his fighter docked...
Rating: PG
Length: Around 2000 words
Category: Gen
Pairings/Characters: Obidala
A/N: One Path Chapter 54. Set during an alternate RotS.
No Matter What Happens Tomorrow
Padme felt him as soon as his fighter docked with the Tantive. She sat up, leaning over to press a kiss onto her son's forehead. Then she slid out of the bed and pulled Obi Wan's cloak back over her head.
"Dad's here, Ani," she said softly. "Artoo and Threepio will stay with you until he comes, all right?"
There was no answer. She waited for a moment, and Threepio shuffled over to her, giving her shoulder a hesitant pat. "He'll be all right, Mistress. Artoo and I will take good care of him."
She smiled faintly. "Thank you, Threepio. Ani, Dad and I will be right back. I promise."
She hurried out, making her way back through the stark white halls, and met up with Yoda and Bail outside the airlock. The entire corridor felt hot--too hot--and her vision blurred as the door cycled open. She could barely see him through her tears but she sprang forward, pulling him toward her as her arms wound around his neck.
She felt his mouth on hers--hot, demanding, even desperate, and she twined her fingers in his hair, holding him there just as urgently as his hands slid over her back. They clung to one another, lost in scent and touch and taste, thudding hearts and frantic whispers, soft curves and lean, hard muscle. Then she rested her cheek on his chest, tried to say his name and found she couldn't. All she wanted was to stay in his arms, and it didn't matter that Bail and Yoda were watching. It didn't matter that the Republic was in chaos or that they all might die before the day was over. His lips were in her hair, then his hands were guiding her back, and his deep blue eyes were searching her face. Whatever he found there must have satisfied him, because he leaned in again and gently kissed the tears from her cheeks.
I love you, he said silently.
"Always have," she murmured, then turned to face Yoda and Bail again.
The two of them were actually smiling. The first smiles that any of them had managed all day. Bail stepped forward and clasped Obi Wan's forearm. "You made it."
"Young Kenobi, dark times these are. Good to see you, it is," said Yoda, and the group began to move up the hall again. They walked quickly and without discussion of where they were going, heading with one mind toward Padme's quarters--toward the boy waiting there.
"You were attacked by your clones, also, Master Yoda?" Obi Wan asked.
"With the help of the Wookiees, barely escape, I did," Yoda replied.
"How many other Jedi managed to survive?" Obi Wan asked, his fingers tightening painfully on Padme's as the question passed his lips.
"Ani said that--that Anakin had gone to Mustafar. But we don't know if that was before or after…" Padme trailed off, feeling new tears sting her eyes.
"Heard from no one, have we," Yoda said, gravely lowering his eyes.
"I saw thousands of troops attack the Jedi Temple. That's why we went looking for you and Yoda," Bail said.
"Have we had any contact from the Temple?" asked Obi Wan.
"Only the recall message have we received," replied Yoda.
"Recall message?" Padme asked with a frown.
"A coded retreat signal, it is," explained Yoda.
"It requests all Jedi return to the Temple. It says the war is over," added Bail.
"Well, then we have to go back--" began Obi Wan.
"No!" Padme shook her head. "It's too dangerous."
"It has to be a trap," agreed Bail.
"We--" Obi Wan began, and Padme felt the loss of Anakin stab through her husband's heart. She closed her eyes. "--I--have a policy on traps."
"Suggest dismantling the coded signal, do you?" Yoda asked.
"Yes, Master. There is too much at stake here, and we need a clearer picture of what has happened.
"I agree. In a dark place we find ourselves...a little more knowledge might light our way," said Yoda.
***
They reached the door and the discussion faded, giving way to more urgent concerns that waited inside. For a moment, he felt pain so hot and raw that he nearly gasped. It took all his discipline not to step back as the door hissed open to let them inside. He swallowed and squeezed Padme's fingers, then slid into the room ahead of her.
The lights were off, and the small room was entirely dark. The bed was unmade, but Ani wasn't in it. Obi Wan was only half aware of Bail and Yoda, who followed his wife into the room. All he saw was Artoo and Threepio, who were standing worriedly on either side of the cramped closet. He had to strain now to feel anything from his son at all. Drawing in a careful breath, he took a step closer and heard Padme move after him.
"Alone, must Obi Wan do this," Yoda said quietly.
"No," Padme's voice was firm. "That's not the Kenobi way."
He smiled and reached his hand back for her, then gestured for the droids to move away. Artoo gave a low, worried whistle and rolled back toward the bed. Threepio hesitated for a moment, but finally shuffled off to stand beside him. Bail and Yoda joined them, the entire group waiting in tense silence while the Kenobis approached the closet and the horrifically frightened little boy inside.
He wasn't even crying. Obi Wan stopped in the doorway and silently helped his wife onto the floor. He moved his right arm around her and shifted to give her as much support as he could while still leaving his lap open to their son. Ani didn't react, and if not for the tremor of recognition that he felt in the Force, Obi Wan would have wondered whether the boy knew that they were there at all.
"Ani," he called very softly, caressing with his voice.
Terror!
Padme gasped with the force of it. Obi Wan closed his eyes again. He stretched out, searching the Force for guidance, waiting. Ani withdrew still further, curling so tightly within himself that his father could sense only the faintest glimmer of his presence in the Force. Tears pricked his eyes--grief for the brilliant beacon that presence had always been. He let himself feel it, quietly and fully, let it wash over him, and then he let it pass through. Bringing himself back to the moment in which he stood, he looked at the huddled form of his child and spoke again.
"Anakin, it's all right. I know it hurts, and you don't want to look at it anymore. You don't want to feel it anymore. We're not going to force you. Mom and I are just going to stay here with you until you're ready," he promised.
"It doesn't matter how long that takes, Ani," Padme added. "You decide."
So they waited. It might have been minutes or hours--it felt like days--but they waited together, and slowly Ani uncurled. It was another eternity before he pushed himself into a sitting position and turned to look at them. Gently, with a motion so slow that it seemed to take hours in is own right, Obi Wan stretched out his hand. Ani swallowed, still pressed firmly against the closet wall, but his eyes flicked rapidly from the hand to his father's face and back again. Still not moving, keeping even his breath slow and perfectly regulated, Obi Wan continued to wait.
It wasn't just his experience in the temple that frightened him, Obi Wan began to sense. It was his own pain--his own grief and suffering, which hurt so badly that the pain itself was terrifying. The boy had no ability to cope with pain so intense, and he had heard over and over again that fear was a path to the Dark Side. More than that, Obi Wan suddenly realized. Ani hadn't just heard--he had…seen?…
How has he seen?
What has he seen?
He pushed the questions aside, leaving them for later. They weren't important now. What was important was the boy who crouched immobile and petrified by the wall. He didn't want to be afraid anymore--he didn't. A tear slowly rolled its way down his cheek. This hurt too much! He couldn't!
"You can't keep it inside, Ani. It's going to be all right. You don't have to do it alone," he murmured.
Ani ran his palms over the wall behind him and finally pushed himself off of it. Then he froze, blue eyes bulging as he stared at his parents. Obi Wan restrained the urge to grab him. All he wanted was to wrap the boy in his arms, but he knew that any premature advance could send him crashing back inside himself, this time too far for any of them to reach.
"It's okay, Ani," Padme assured him. "We're here with you. We'll do it together."
He crept toward them, slowly and painfully, each movement a profound effort, until he reached his parents and crawled whimpering into his father's lap. He hid his face in Obi Wan's chest and wept, his whole body wracked with uncontrolled shaking.
"That's my boy," Obi Wan encouraged, enfolding him in a protective hug. Padme leaned in to kiss the back of his hair, and they held him for a while, gently rocking him until the first wave of tears abated. Finally, Ani ventured a cautious look up at him, and he moved his hand to brush the boy's tears away. "You have to look at it, Ani."
He shook his head violently, burying his face again.
"Remember what Master Yoda told me? Your fear must be named before it can be banished," Obi Wan murmured quietly.
There was no visible reaction, but he gradually began to sense the boy turn inward again. This time, though, it was not to hide but to face the agony of fear and grief that burned like a cancer within him. His shaking became more violent, and he clung to his father, but he didn't shy away.
"That’s the way," Obi Wan closed his eyes against the carnage that spilled from his son's mind. The terrible clanking march of the clones as it echoed through the halls, the stench of smoke and blood and charred flesh. A terrible swathe of brilliant blue energy, a black clad monster without a face.
Sidious? he thought. In the temple?
But, no. His feelings whispered something else…
He felt Ani give a silent cry of alarm and ducked his head to kiss the boy again. "It's all right. Take a deep breath. As you breathe in, take the hurt with you. Accept it, Anakin. Let it exist, don't be afraid of it…" he paused, testing the Force, tightening his arms around his son. "…good. Now, let it move into your lungs, and breathe out again. Slowly. Let it all flow out of you. Give it to the Force."
It was a simple exercise, but one that was the core of what it meant to be a Jedi. It was not a denial of self, nor or emotion but a release of them. It was a conscious choice to forego those things which hindered true oneness with the Force. It didn't mean a lack of feeling, and in this case it would be no miracle cure for Ani. An ordeal such as the one that he had just been through would leave scars, even long after the pain was gone. It would certainly take more than one moment in his father's arms to heal this wound, but it was a beginning. Empty now of his suffering, the boy found peace, and in that peace, he closed his eyes. No one spoke, and in a surprisingly short time, he had drifted off to sleep.
His parents stayed where they were, holding him, and it was Yoda who moved first. His cane tapped softly on the floor as he shuffled over them, and he too simply peered down at Ani for a while, testing the Force. When he spoke, his voice was low and gentle.
"Rest now, he must. And when he awakes, counsel him, I shall," the Master promised.
Author: Lionchilde
Summary: Padme felt him as soon as his fighter docked...
Rating: PG
Length: Around 2000 words
Category: Gen
Pairings/Characters: Obidala
A/N: One Path Chapter 54. Set during an alternate RotS.
No Matter What Happens Tomorrow
Padme felt him as soon as his fighter docked with the Tantive. She sat up, leaning over to press a kiss onto her son's forehead. Then she slid out of the bed and pulled Obi Wan's cloak back over her head.
"Dad's here, Ani," she said softly. "Artoo and Threepio will stay with you until he comes, all right?"
There was no answer. She waited for a moment, and Threepio shuffled over to her, giving her shoulder a hesitant pat. "He'll be all right, Mistress. Artoo and I will take good care of him."
She smiled faintly. "Thank you, Threepio. Ani, Dad and I will be right back. I promise."
She hurried out, making her way back through the stark white halls, and met up with Yoda and Bail outside the airlock. The entire corridor felt hot--too hot--and her vision blurred as the door cycled open. She could barely see him through her tears but she sprang forward, pulling him toward her as her arms wound around his neck.
She felt his mouth on hers--hot, demanding, even desperate, and she twined her fingers in his hair, holding him there just as urgently as his hands slid over her back. They clung to one another, lost in scent and touch and taste, thudding hearts and frantic whispers, soft curves and lean, hard muscle. Then she rested her cheek on his chest, tried to say his name and found she couldn't. All she wanted was to stay in his arms, and it didn't matter that Bail and Yoda were watching. It didn't matter that the Republic was in chaos or that they all might die before the day was over. His lips were in her hair, then his hands were guiding her back, and his deep blue eyes were searching her face. Whatever he found there must have satisfied him, because he leaned in again and gently kissed the tears from her cheeks.
I love you, he said silently.
"Always have," she murmured, then turned to face Yoda and Bail again.
The two of them were actually smiling. The first smiles that any of them had managed all day. Bail stepped forward and clasped Obi Wan's forearm. "You made it."
"Young Kenobi, dark times these are. Good to see you, it is," said Yoda, and the group began to move up the hall again. They walked quickly and without discussion of where they were going, heading with one mind toward Padme's quarters--toward the boy waiting there.
"You were attacked by your clones, also, Master Yoda?" Obi Wan asked.
"With the help of the Wookiees, barely escape, I did," Yoda replied.
"How many other Jedi managed to survive?" Obi Wan asked, his fingers tightening painfully on Padme's as the question passed his lips.
"Ani said that--that Anakin had gone to Mustafar. But we don't know if that was before or after…" Padme trailed off, feeling new tears sting her eyes.
"Heard from no one, have we," Yoda said, gravely lowering his eyes.
"I saw thousands of troops attack the Jedi Temple. That's why we went looking for you and Yoda," Bail said.
"Have we had any contact from the Temple?" asked Obi Wan.
"Only the recall message have we received," replied Yoda.
"Recall message?" Padme asked with a frown.
"A coded retreat signal, it is," explained Yoda.
"It requests all Jedi return to the Temple. It says the war is over," added Bail.
"Well, then we have to go back--" began Obi Wan.
"No!" Padme shook her head. "It's too dangerous."
"It has to be a trap," agreed Bail.
"We--" Obi Wan began, and Padme felt the loss of Anakin stab through her husband's heart. She closed her eyes. "--I--have a policy on traps."
"Suggest dismantling the coded signal, do you?" Yoda asked.
"Yes, Master. There is too much at stake here, and we need a clearer picture of what has happened.
"I agree. In a dark place we find ourselves...a little more knowledge might light our way," said Yoda.
***
They reached the door and the discussion faded, giving way to more urgent concerns that waited inside. For a moment, he felt pain so hot and raw that he nearly gasped. It took all his discipline not to step back as the door hissed open to let them inside. He swallowed and squeezed Padme's fingers, then slid into the room ahead of her.
The lights were off, and the small room was entirely dark. The bed was unmade, but Ani wasn't in it. Obi Wan was only half aware of Bail and Yoda, who followed his wife into the room. All he saw was Artoo and Threepio, who were standing worriedly on either side of the cramped closet. He had to strain now to feel anything from his son at all. Drawing in a careful breath, he took a step closer and heard Padme move after him.
"Alone, must Obi Wan do this," Yoda said quietly.
"No," Padme's voice was firm. "That's not the Kenobi way."
He smiled and reached his hand back for her, then gestured for the droids to move away. Artoo gave a low, worried whistle and rolled back toward the bed. Threepio hesitated for a moment, but finally shuffled off to stand beside him. Bail and Yoda joined them, the entire group waiting in tense silence while the Kenobis approached the closet and the horrifically frightened little boy inside.
He wasn't even crying. Obi Wan stopped in the doorway and silently helped his wife onto the floor. He moved his right arm around her and shifted to give her as much support as he could while still leaving his lap open to their son. Ani didn't react, and if not for the tremor of recognition that he felt in the Force, Obi Wan would have wondered whether the boy knew that they were there at all.
"Ani," he called very softly, caressing with his voice.
Terror!
Padme gasped with the force of it. Obi Wan closed his eyes again. He stretched out, searching the Force for guidance, waiting. Ani withdrew still further, curling so tightly within himself that his father could sense only the faintest glimmer of his presence in the Force. Tears pricked his eyes--grief for the brilliant beacon that presence had always been. He let himself feel it, quietly and fully, let it wash over him, and then he let it pass through. Bringing himself back to the moment in which he stood, he looked at the huddled form of his child and spoke again.
"Anakin, it's all right. I know it hurts, and you don't want to look at it anymore. You don't want to feel it anymore. We're not going to force you. Mom and I are just going to stay here with you until you're ready," he promised.
"It doesn't matter how long that takes, Ani," Padme added. "You decide."
So they waited. It might have been minutes or hours--it felt like days--but they waited together, and slowly Ani uncurled. It was another eternity before he pushed himself into a sitting position and turned to look at them. Gently, with a motion so slow that it seemed to take hours in is own right, Obi Wan stretched out his hand. Ani swallowed, still pressed firmly against the closet wall, but his eyes flicked rapidly from the hand to his father's face and back again. Still not moving, keeping even his breath slow and perfectly regulated, Obi Wan continued to wait.
It wasn't just his experience in the temple that frightened him, Obi Wan began to sense. It was his own pain--his own grief and suffering, which hurt so badly that the pain itself was terrifying. The boy had no ability to cope with pain so intense, and he had heard over and over again that fear was a path to the Dark Side. More than that, Obi Wan suddenly realized. Ani hadn't just heard--he had…seen?…
How has he seen?
What has he seen?
He pushed the questions aside, leaving them for later. They weren't important now. What was important was the boy who crouched immobile and petrified by the wall. He didn't want to be afraid anymore--he didn't. A tear slowly rolled its way down his cheek. This hurt too much! He couldn't!
"You can't keep it inside, Ani. It's going to be all right. You don't have to do it alone," he murmured.
Ani ran his palms over the wall behind him and finally pushed himself off of it. Then he froze, blue eyes bulging as he stared at his parents. Obi Wan restrained the urge to grab him. All he wanted was to wrap the boy in his arms, but he knew that any premature advance could send him crashing back inside himself, this time too far for any of them to reach.
"It's okay, Ani," Padme assured him. "We're here with you. We'll do it together."
He crept toward them, slowly and painfully, each movement a profound effort, until he reached his parents and crawled whimpering into his father's lap. He hid his face in Obi Wan's chest and wept, his whole body wracked with uncontrolled shaking.
"That's my boy," Obi Wan encouraged, enfolding him in a protective hug. Padme leaned in to kiss the back of his hair, and they held him for a while, gently rocking him until the first wave of tears abated. Finally, Ani ventured a cautious look up at him, and he moved his hand to brush the boy's tears away. "You have to look at it, Ani."
He shook his head violently, burying his face again.
"Remember what Master Yoda told me? Your fear must be named before it can be banished," Obi Wan murmured quietly.
There was no visible reaction, but he gradually began to sense the boy turn inward again. This time, though, it was not to hide but to face the agony of fear and grief that burned like a cancer within him. His shaking became more violent, and he clung to his father, but he didn't shy away.
"That’s the way," Obi Wan closed his eyes against the carnage that spilled from his son's mind. The terrible clanking march of the clones as it echoed through the halls, the stench of smoke and blood and charred flesh. A terrible swathe of brilliant blue energy, a black clad monster without a face.
Sidious? he thought. In the temple?
But, no. His feelings whispered something else…
He felt Ani give a silent cry of alarm and ducked his head to kiss the boy again. "It's all right. Take a deep breath. As you breathe in, take the hurt with you. Accept it, Anakin. Let it exist, don't be afraid of it…" he paused, testing the Force, tightening his arms around his son. "…good. Now, let it move into your lungs, and breathe out again. Slowly. Let it all flow out of you. Give it to the Force."
It was a simple exercise, but one that was the core of what it meant to be a Jedi. It was not a denial of self, nor or emotion but a release of them. It was a conscious choice to forego those things which hindered true oneness with the Force. It didn't mean a lack of feeling, and in this case it would be no miracle cure for Ani. An ordeal such as the one that he had just been through would leave scars, even long after the pain was gone. It would certainly take more than one moment in his father's arms to heal this wound, but it was a beginning. Empty now of his suffering, the boy found peace, and in that peace, he closed his eyes. No one spoke, and in a surprisingly short time, he had drifted off to sleep.
His parents stayed where they were, holding him, and it was Yoda who moved first. His cane tapped softly on the floor as he shuffled over them, and he too simply peered down at Ani for a while, testing the Force. When he spoke, his voice was low and gentle.
"Rest now, he must. And when he awakes, counsel him, I shall," the Master promised.