SSS 2014: For shanwens
For: shanwens
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: All good things (Come to An End)
Pairing: Onew/Key
Rating: pg
Warnings: n/a
Authors’ Notes: I’m so sorry for the sloppiness and incoherence :(
Kibum could still vividly remember how it all began.
He was standing on the KTX platform that was going to take him back to Daegu, his suitcase full of tears by his side, when Jinki suddenly appeared with a nervous smile on his face. It hadn’t been an hour since Kibum bid his farewell, after an uneventful blurt of honesty that consisted of him revealing his utmost feeling to Jinki. It was the night before their mid-semester break. Kibum thought, if he was going to end up in a heartbreak, he wanted to do it when afterward, he didn’t have to deal with meeting Jinki in awkward situation.
The older man’s reaction was of shock then; his expression paled, his gaze dropped as to avoid Kibum’s when he said that he hadn’t had the vaguest thought about that. Kibum had smiled, trying to repress the ache in his heart as he told Jinki ‘Of course you haven’t. It’s okay. I just want to let you know’. He gave jinki a brief hug, and left to fetch his luggage. He was going home.
And yet, there Jinki was; his steps were hesitant, a stuffed duffel bag slung on his shoulder like he was prepared for a travel. One thing Kibum knew for sure, Jinki never bothered to pack when he was just going home to his parents.
“What are you doing here?” Kibum asked.
“You left without giving us a chance to talk…” Jinki said breathlessly.
Kibum looked away. “I have a train to catch, hyung.”
“It’s not like you can’t afford to buy another ticket,” Jinki smiled, “but I understand. That’s why I came prepared.”
He raised his hand, and Kibum saw that he held a train ticket on his hand. Kibum gasped unbelievingly.
“I hope, for the sake of our conversation,” Jinki smiled, boarding into the train coach before Kibum, “that you don’t take a reserved seat ticket…”
The trip from Daegu to Seoul took less than two hours on KTX, and it hadn’t been 10 minutes since the train left Seoul Station, but already Kibum felt like it was the longest ride of his life. It was weird, how they used to be able to sit comfortably together during transatlantic flight. Kibum never felt compelled to talk or occupy himself with something. But there he was, fiddling with his earphone cord and playlist, when he wasn’t about to listen to the songs because Jinki planned to have a ‘conversation’, and yet he hadn’t said anything since they settled on a pair of seat away from the other passengers.
“Will you stop fidgeting?”
Kibum flinched, the rubber cord fell from his hand as he looked up. “Umm…”
Jinki smiled, “If it makes you feel better, I feel equally nervous as you.”
“I don’t know why you should feel nervous, I mean I’m the one who got flat out rejected here.” Kibum mumbled.
“Kibum,” Jinki sighed. “I wasn’t rejecting you. I said I have never thought about us that way. But it doesn’t mean I can’t start.”
Kibum scoffed. “Hyung, really...I’m okay. You don’t have to do this.”
“Will you stop being so persistent and listen to me? I’m not one to think casually out of such matter. Especially not when it involves you.”
Kibum turned toward him. “What does it even mean?”
“Well…” Jinki hesitated. He shifted on his seat, trying to settle in a position where he could see Kibum better. But it was hard when Kibum adamantly tried to avoid his gaze. “I might never blatantly say or express that I want to be with you, but really Kibum, now that I think about it, you make me questions a lot of my choices. It was scary for me, to be quite honest, how your opinion about my decision matters so much.”
Kibum paused midbreath. “I hadn’t known…”
“Well...we have two weeks to figure this out.”
Kibum looked up--fearfully, hopeful at the same time--and met Jinki’s gaze. The older man was smiling, and within a second, the fear in him subsided.
“Finally, I get to see you look at me.”
“Why? Kibum asked, weakly.
“So I can try kiss you. Maybe, it will help me to know...”
Kibum marvelled, hours later, how Jinki’s kisses tasted like the universe; revelations of secrets as old as the earth itself, of a better future, and promises of a long-life happiness. Kibum thought about how kissing Jinki was like a completion, the last dot that connect the curve into a circle.
Flames to dust, lovers to friends…
As he rode alone on the train back home that night, Kibum’s mind was swarmed with lines from heartbreaking songs. He knew he was being self indulgent in his misery, and it was pathetic. But Kibum needed it to survive the 110 minutes of KTX ride, where he stupidly chose the exact same seat he took with Jinki few years back.
It was stupid, really. Ever since the day Jinki had kissed him for the first time on the exact same train ride, Kibum unconsciously made the seat his favorite. Whenever he rode home, he would skip registering for seat, and just bet his luck on finding that the same seat as the one he shared that one time with Jinki was free. He had a reason, then, to associate the seat with happiness. But the happiness was gone, and Kibum couldn’t figure out why he was still dwelling on the same place.
Why do all good things come to an end?
Kibum closed his eyes and leaned back, trying to drown himself inside the songs. But as he listened to a certain line of the lyrics, he felt a lump rose inside his throat, and he choked. He tried to swallow down the nasty bile that threatened to spill, as the overwhelming sense of helplessness engulfed him.
”I’m sorry,” Jinki had told him. “It’s not fair for you if I leave. But it’s not fair for my parents if I stay.”
So everything that they had gone through together, had finally come to this. Social pressures and stigma had always been there since the beginning, Kibum wondered if Jinki ever noticed. If it wasn’t important enough for Jinki to notice, when he decided to chase Kibum all the way back to Daegu, then why should it matter now? Kibum wanted so much to scream the words directly to Jinki’s face, wanted so much to punch some conscience into him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
”I understand.” In the end, he settled with the non-committed reply.
“Kibum,” Jinki took his hand, and squeezed it closer to his chest. “I love you, I really do.”
He had smiled, then, sadly, and before he could think, his words--his final words, before he kissed Jinki and left half of his soul away with the man who had just broke his heart, stumbled out of his mouth.
“But I’m not the one you want to spend your life with.”
Kibum’s eyes snapped open as he felt the train slowed down. He looked out of the window and saw the familiar sight of his hometown. The train glided languidly into the platform, and with expectant eyes, he searched for his mom and grandma among the crowd. There they were, smiling and waved their hands as they too, found him. Kibum found himself smiling, the first authentic expression of happiness he made in weeks, after Jinki left.
Why do all good things come to an end?
Kibum had big plans with his friends. They were all going to go out and have a good time this weekend and he was going to forget all about Jinki. That was, until Kibum caught a glimpse of Jinki and her getting on the train. He felt jealousy, anger, and sadness wash over him. Both of them looked so happy together, smiling and laughing like no one was around. When Jinki gave her a kiss on the lips it made Kibum’s stomach turn. His phone vibrated in his pocket, his friends asking where he was. Kibum had a feeling that he wasn’t into hanging out with them anymore. There was no way he could enjoy himself now with the way he was feeling. He texted his friends, telling them that something had come up. Kibum knew he would regret it later, but for now he had to get out before Jinki noticed him.
At the next stop he hurried out of the train and onto the platform in hopes that Jinki didn’t catch a glimpse of him. When he turned back around he could see them both still engrossed in one another through the window. It was hard accepting the reality of things, but Kibum turned his back on the scene and walked away. Walking away was all he could do now, no matter how painful it was. It was all he could do now.
Flames to dust, lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
It was something he had avoided for a long time. The train was something that he had associated with Jinki, or in other words, painful memories. Kibum did everything he could to avoid the train. He asked for rides, walked in the freezing cold, and even began to pick his old habit of riding a bike just so that he wouldn’t have to step a foot on that train. Kibum wasn’t sure what was different about today, why he decided to take the train. He wasn’t in any particular hurry or too tired to walk, maybe it was just time to quit avoiding the past. There was no sign of Jinki, which was a plus in his book. He hated to admit it, but he was thinking about Jinki more than he should. It was a possibility the man could have moved and started a new family, or maybe he was avoiding the train just like he had.
Kibum was busy staring at his phone as the train stopped, more passengers shoving their way in. Something made him look up, maybe it was some type cruel fate that grabbed ahold of him or his six sense sensing his presence, but he immediately regretted it. There Jinki was, dressed in pants that were probably 2 sizes too big, hiding those thighs he still probably liked a little bit too much, and a wool coat that made him look at least ten years older. His black hair looked a mess under his hat, but the man still managed to take Kibum’s breath away. Jinki had aged well, the wrinkles on his eyes becoming more noticeable but still able to add to the man’s character.
It was while Kibum was admiring the person he wanted to see the least that Jinki noticed him too. Their eyes met for a moment while Jinki was looking for somewhere to stand. Kibum quickly looked away, but it was too late, the older man was already moving towards him. Jinki was standing so close to him that he swore he could feel the heat radiating off of him.
“Kibum,” Jinki said just loud enough for him to hear. Jinki’s voice was still as deep, maybe even deeper, as he remembered. His entire body visibly shook as the man spoke, goosebumps forming all over Kibum’s body.
“What?” He probably asked a little more rudely than he intended to, still refusing to look at Jinki.
Kibum could hear Jinki sigh as the man touched his shoulder. “Kibum just look at me for a second.”
He slowly turned his head to look at Jinki who gave a small smile. “Hi,” Jinki said.
“Hi,” Kibum repeated back, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards without realizing it.
“It’s been a while…”
“Yeah, it has.”
“Look, I know things didn’t really end good between us, but I’ve still thought a lot about you, Kibum,” Jinki paused, “I still care a lot about you and I’ve missed you, Kibum.”
Kibum sucked in a breath, his heart aching at his words. “Yeah, me too,” is all he can reply. It’s all he can say to hold himself together.
“I wish it didn’t have to be like this,” Jinki said.
“But it is like this.” Kibum said. He paused for a second, before asked in hesitation. “How’s your wife?”
Jinki looked away, the question obviously bothered him. “Of all things that we should talk about, Kibum? Really?”
Kibum bit his lower lip. His grasp on the rail tightened. “I just want to be civilized. Besides… I don’t know anything about your current life other than her.”
His statement brought silence on Jinki. The older man opened his mouth, only to close it again for the lack of words, before he settled with a short, whispered remark.
“She isn’t you.”
As the train came to another stop, Jinki gently leaned into him. The train became even more crowded as a larger group of people made their way into their section. Their bodies were pressed even closer, and at the proximity, how he could feel Jinki’s heat radiated through the layers of fabric, Kibum sighed.
“How am I supposed to reply to that?” Kibum said. His gaze were fixed on the tip of his shoes. “You’re cruel. You’re so...cruel.”
For a moment, Jinki fell silent. Their bodies swayed along with the movement of the train, and during a second when Kibum raised his head, as he bumped with the man who stood behind him, Jinki could see that he was crying.
“Kibum…” He called. “Kibum, don’t cry…”
“I’m not crying.” Kibum said, his words came out harsher than he meant that some people turned around and looked at him.
“Yes you are.” Jinki said. He paused, seemingly to recall something, and chuckled. “We had this talk before. Remember? Some things indeed never change--”
“Don’t--” Kibum stopped him. “Don’t go there… I can’t afford to go there...”
Jinki’s smile fell; he raised his hand to reach out at Kibum, but the younger man subtly leaned back. “Kibum, I--”
Jinki paused when the crowd around them stirred. Both of them raised their gaze simultaneously, and it was then that they noticed the disarray inside the train. They could hear a man shouting on the opposite side of the coach. Another man joined in on the shouting and the people around them began to whisper. They had been so caught up in each other that they were unaware of what was going on around them.
Jinki tapped one of the women closest to them. “Ma’am, do you have any idea what’s going on right now?”
The woman look frightened as she turned towards them. “From what I’ve heard… there’s something along the lines of a bomb. Several people have already called the police, but it doesn’t seem too good right now.”
“What?” Kibum asked, “Are they going to stop the train?”
“I really don’t know,” she said nervously before turning her attention back to the yelling.
People were backing up into them, smushing everyone even closer together. Kibum grabbed Jinki’s hand as Jinki pulled him closer. “Jinki, do you think everything is going to be alright?”
Jinki stayed quiet, only squeezing Kibum’s hand and looking into his eyes.
“I really wish it was just me instead both of us. I don’t want anything to happen to you,” Kibum whispered.
“But you aren’t alone. If anything goes wrong, I’m glad that I was here with you.”
The yelling stopped and Kibum held his breath, only looking at Jinki. He squeezed the older man’s hand even tighter. “Is it over?”
Something felt wrong. He wanted to turn around to look, but Jinki shook his head. “Just keep looking at me.”
The people around them started to panic as another loud yell was heard. It was hard to hear what the person was saying, but it didn’t take long to know what happened next. The world went white, a loud silence piercing his ears. Then everything went dark for a while before he was back on a train again, but this time it was empty. Empty, all except for Jinki smiling in the middle of debris, ruins and flaming embers next to him.
Kibum felt his eyes was burning. The dust from the explosion caught inside his eyes, and he saw the world was painted red. He painfully wiped his face. There was blood on his hand. Strangely, despite all the distortion and berserks, Jinki’s face was the only object he could clearly perceive.
“Jinki--” Kibum tried to call out, but his voice was caught by his own choke. He coughed, and felt the tangy taste of blood in his mouth. His breathing grew labored. Kibum looked down and saw a nasty shard of glass.
“Kibum, don’t speak.” Jinki said.
Kibum saw that Jinki’s condition wasn’t so much better than him. There was so many blood. Jinki’s handsome face was marred with scars and slight burn. He noticed how Jinki winced in pain, and all of a sudden, his own pain intensifies.
But I--
Kibum was close to tears as he discovered that no illegible voice would come out of his mouth.
I want to tell you so much that I love you…
...and it was magical, how, despite the fact that he could no longer say a single word, or with his expression contorted by pain, and despite the years they had been estranged to each other, Jinki understood.
“I love you too. I always have, I always will…” The older man smiled and reached out, and with the remaining strength left in him, Kibum reached back. “I’m sorry…”
Kibum smiled. It’s okay. And he meant it, at last, because nothing mattered anymore. Not even the years of heartache, the nights of haunting dreams, and solitude tears he had to endure.
He wasn’t alone anymore
Fin
Postscript:
This fic is not mine alone. It’s written by two people. I would like to thanks my Precious Mermound for the hand-holding, and the only one who reached out to answer my plea for help. I love you <3
The title, and the song lyrics that Kibum listened to was taken from Nelly Furtado’s All Good Things (Come to An End)
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: All good things (Come to An End)
Pairing: Onew/Key
Rating: pg
Warnings: n/a
Authors’ Notes: I’m so sorry for the sloppiness and incoherence :(
Kibum could still vividly remember how it all began.
He was standing on the KTX platform that was going to take him back to Daegu, his suitcase full of tears by his side, when Jinki suddenly appeared with a nervous smile on his face. It hadn’t been an hour since Kibum bid his farewell, after an uneventful blurt of honesty that consisted of him revealing his utmost feeling to Jinki. It was the night before their mid-semester break. Kibum thought, if he was going to end up in a heartbreak, he wanted to do it when afterward, he didn’t have to deal with meeting Jinki in awkward situation.
The older man’s reaction was of shock then; his expression paled, his gaze dropped as to avoid Kibum’s when he said that he hadn’t had the vaguest thought about that. Kibum had smiled, trying to repress the ache in his heart as he told Jinki ‘Of course you haven’t. It’s okay. I just want to let you know’. He gave jinki a brief hug, and left to fetch his luggage. He was going home.
And yet, there Jinki was; his steps were hesitant, a stuffed duffel bag slung on his shoulder like he was prepared for a travel. One thing Kibum knew for sure, Jinki never bothered to pack when he was just going home to his parents.
“What are you doing here?” Kibum asked.
“You left without giving us a chance to talk…” Jinki said breathlessly.
Kibum looked away. “I have a train to catch, hyung.”
“It’s not like you can’t afford to buy another ticket,” Jinki smiled, “but I understand. That’s why I came prepared.”
He raised his hand, and Kibum saw that he held a train ticket on his hand. Kibum gasped unbelievingly.
“I hope, for the sake of our conversation,” Jinki smiled, boarding into the train coach before Kibum, “that you don’t take a reserved seat ticket…”
The trip from Daegu to Seoul took less than two hours on KTX, and it hadn’t been 10 minutes since the train left Seoul Station, but already Kibum felt like it was the longest ride of his life. It was weird, how they used to be able to sit comfortably together during transatlantic flight. Kibum never felt compelled to talk or occupy himself with something. But there he was, fiddling with his earphone cord and playlist, when he wasn’t about to listen to the songs because Jinki planned to have a ‘conversation’, and yet he hadn’t said anything since they settled on a pair of seat away from the other passengers.
“Will you stop fidgeting?”
Kibum flinched, the rubber cord fell from his hand as he looked up. “Umm…”
Jinki smiled, “If it makes you feel better, I feel equally nervous as you.”
“I don’t know why you should feel nervous, I mean I’m the one who got flat out rejected here.” Kibum mumbled.
“Kibum,” Jinki sighed. “I wasn’t rejecting you. I said I have never thought about us that way. But it doesn’t mean I can’t start.”
Kibum scoffed. “Hyung, really...I’m okay. You don’t have to do this.”
“Will you stop being so persistent and listen to me? I’m not one to think casually out of such matter. Especially not when it involves you.”
Kibum turned toward him. “What does it even mean?”
“Well…” Jinki hesitated. He shifted on his seat, trying to settle in a position where he could see Kibum better. But it was hard when Kibum adamantly tried to avoid his gaze. “I might never blatantly say or express that I want to be with you, but really Kibum, now that I think about it, you make me questions a lot of my choices. It was scary for me, to be quite honest, how your opinion about my decision matters so much.”
Kibum paused midbreath. “I hadn’t known…”
“Well...we have two weeks to figure this out.”
Kibum looked up--fearfully, hopeful at the same time--and met Jinki’s gaze. The older man was smiling, and within a second, the fear in him subsided.
“Finally, I get to see you look at me.”
“Why? Kibum asked, weakly.
“So I can try kiss you. Maybe, it will help me to know...”
Kibum marvelled, hours later, how Jinki’s kisses tasted like the universe; revelations of secrets as old as the earth itself, of a better future, and promises of a long-life happiness. Kibum thought about how kissing Jinki was like a completion, the last dot that connect the curve into a circle.
Flames to dust, lovers to friends…
As he rode alone on the train back home that night, Kibum’s mind was swarmed with lines from heartbreaking songs. He knew he was being self indulgent in his misery, and it was pathetic. But Kibum needed it to survive the 110 minutes of KTX ride, where he stupidly chose the exact same seat he took with Jinki few years back.
It was stupid, really. Ever since the day Jinki had kissed him for the first time on the exact same train ride, Kibum unconsciously made the seat his favorite. Whenever he rode home, he would skip registering for seat, and just bet his luck on finding that the same seat as the one he shared that one time with Jinki was free. He had a reason, then, to associate the seat with happiness. But the happiness was gone, and Kibum couldn’t figure out why he was still dwelling on the same place.
Why do all good things come to an end?
Kibum closed his eyes and leaned back, trying to drown himself inside the songs. But as he listened to a certain line of the lyrics, he felt a lump rose inside his throat, and he choked. He tried to swallow down the nasty bile that threatened to spill, as the overwhelming sense of helplessness engulfed him.
”I’m sorry,” Jinki had told him. “It’s not fair for you if I leave. But it’s not fair for my parents if I stay.”
So everything that they had gone through together, had finally come to this. Social pressures and stigma had always been there since the beginning, Kibum wondered if Jinki ever noticed. If it wasn’t important enough for Jinki to notice, when he decided to chase Kibum all the way back to Daegu, then why should it matter now? Kibum wanted so much to scream the words directly to Jinki’s face, wanted so much to punch some conscience into him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
”I understand.” In the end, he settled with the non-committed reply.
“Kibum,” Jinki took his hand, and squeezed it closer to his chest. “I love you, I really do.”
He had smiled, then, sadly, and before he could think, his words--his final words, before he kissed Jinki and left half of his soul away with the man who had just broke his heart, stumbled out of his mouth.
“But I’m not the one you want to spend your life with.”
Kibum’s eyes snapped open as he felt the train slowed down. He looked out of the window and saw the familiar sight of his hometown. The train glided languidly into the platform, and with expectant eyes, he searched for his mom and grandma among the crowd. There they were, smiling and waved their hands as they too, found him. Kibum found himself smiling, the first authentic expression of happiness he made in weeks, after Jinki left.
Why do all good things come to an end?
Kibum had big plans with his friends. They were all going to go out and have a good time this weekend and he was going to forget all about Jinki. That was, until Kibum caught a glimpse of Jinki and her getting on the train. He felt jealousy, anger, and sadness wash over him. Both of them looked so happy together, smiling and laughing like no one was around. When Jinki gave her a kiss on the lips it made Kibum’s stomach turn. His phone vibrated in his pocket, his friends asking where he was. Kibum had a feeling that he wasn’t into hanging out with them anymore. There was no way he could enjoy himself now with the way he was feeling. He texted his friends, telling them that something had come up. Kibum knew he would regret it later, but for now he had to get out before Jinki noticed him.
At the next stop he hurried out of the train and onto the platform in hopes that Jinki didn’t catch a glimpse of him. When he turned back around he could see them both still engrossed in one another through the window. It was hard accepting the reality of things, but Kibum turned his back on the scene and walked away. Walking away was all he could do now, no matter how painful it was. It was all he could do now.
Flames to dust, lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
It was something he had avoided for a long time. The train was something that he had associated with Jinki, or in other words, painful memories. Kibum did everything he could to avoid the train. He asked for rides, walked in the freezing cold, and even began to pick his old habit of riding a bike just so that he wouldn’t have to step a foot on that train. Kibum wasn’t sure what was different about today, why he decided to take the train. He wasn’t in any particular hurry or too tired to walk, maybe it was just time to quit avoiding the past. There was no sign of Jinki, which was a plus in his book. He hated to admit it, but he was thinking about Jinki more than he should. It was a possibility the man could have moved and started a new family, or maybe he was avoiding the train just like he had.
Kibum was busy staring at his phone as the train stopped, more passengers shoving their way in. Something made him look up, maybe it was some type cruel fate that grabbed ahold of him or his six sense sensing his presence, but he immediately regretted it. There Jinki was, dressed in pants that were probably 2 sizes too big, hiding those thighs he still probably liked a little bit too much, and a wool coat that made him look at least ten years older. His black hair looked a mess under his hat, but the man still managed to take Kibum’s breath away. Jinki had aged well, the wrinkles on his eyes becoming more noticeable but still able to add to the man’s character.
It was while Kibum was admiring the person he wanted to see the least that Jinki noticed him too. Their eyes met for a moment while Jinki was looking for somewhere to stand. Kibum quickly looked away, but it was too late, the older man was already moving towards him. Jinki was standing so close to him that he swore he could feel the heat radiating off of him.
“Kibum,” Jinki said just loud enough for him to hear. Jinki’s voice was still as deep, maybe even deeper, as he remembered. His entire body visibly shook as the man spoke, goosebumps forming all over Kibum’s body.
“What?” He probably asked a little more rudely than he intended to, still refusing to look at Jinki.
Kibum could hear Jinki sigh as the man touched his shoulder. “Kibum just look at me for a second.”
He slowly turned his head to look at Jinki who gave a small smile. “Hi,” Jinki said.
“Hi,” Kibum repeated back, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards without realizing it.
“It’s been a while…”
“Yeah, it has.”
“Look, I know things didn’t really end good between us, but I’ve still thought a lot about you, Kibum,” Jinki paused, “I still care a lot about you and I’ve missed you, Kibum.”
Kibum sucked in a breath, his heart aching at his words. “Yeah, me too,” is all he can reply. It’s all he can say to hold himself together.
“I wish it didn’t have to be like this,” Jinki said.
“But it is like this.” Kibum said. He paused for a second, before asked in hesitation. “How’s your wife?”
Jinki looked away, the question obviously bothered him. “Of all things that we should talk about, Kibum? Really?”
Kibum bit his lower lip. His grasp on the rail tightened. “I just want to be civilized. Besides… I don’t know anything about your current life other than her.”
His statement brought silence on Jinki. The older man opened his mouth, only to close it again for the lack of words, before he settled with a short, whispered remark.
“She isn’t you.”
As the train came to another stop, Jinki gently leaned into him. The train became even more crowded as a larger group of people made their way into their section. Their bodies were pressed even closer, and at the proximity, how he could feel Jinki’s heat radiated through the layers of fabric, Kibum sighed.
“How am I supposed to reply to that?” Kibum said. His gaze were fixed on the tip of his shoes. “You’re cruel. You’re so...cruel.”
For a moment, Jinki fell silent. Their bodies swayed along with the movement of the train, and during a second when Kibum raised his head, as he bumped with the man who stood behind him, Jinki could see that he was crying.
“Kibum…” He called. “Kibum, don’t cry…”
“I’m not crying.” Kibum said, his words came out harsher than he meant that some people turned around and looked at him.
“Yes you are.” Jinki said. He paused, seemingly to recall something, and chuckled. “We had this talk before. Remember? Some things indeed never change--”
“Don’t--” Kibum stopped him. “Don’t go there… I can’t afford to go there...”
Jinki’s smile fell; he raised his hand to reach out at Kibum, but the younger man subtly leaned back. “Kibum, I--”
Jinki paused when the crowd around them stirred. Both of them raised their gaze simultaneously, and it was then that they noticed the disarray inside the train. They could hear a man shouting on the opposite side of the coach. Another man joined in on the shouting and the people around them began to whisper. They had been so caught up in each other that they were unaware of what was going on around them.
Jinki tapped one of the women closest to them. “Ma’am, do you have any idea what’s going on right now?”
The woman look frightened as she turned towards them. “From what I’ve heard… there’s something along the lines of a bomb. Several people have already called the police, but it doesn’t seem too good right now.”
“What?” Kibum asked, “Are they going to stop the train?”
“I really don’t know,” she said nervously before turning her attention back to the yelling.
People were backing up into them, smushing everyone even closer together. Kibum grabbed Jinki’s hand as Jinki pulled him closer. “Jinki, do you think everything is going to be alright?”
Jinki stayed quiet, only squeezing Kibum’s hand and looking into his eyes.
“I really wish it was just me instead both of us. I don’t want anything to happen to you,” Kibum whispered.
“But you aren’t alone. If anything goes wrong, I’m glad that I was here with you.”
The yelling stopped and Kibum held his breath, only looking at Jinki. He squeezed the older man’s hand even tighter. “Is it over?”
Something felt wrong. He wanted to turn around to look, but Jinki shook his head. “Just keep looking at me.”
The people around them started to panic as another loud yell was heard. It was hard to hear what the person was saying, but it didn’t take long to know what happened next. The world went white, a loud silence piercing his ears. Then everything went dark for a while before he was back on a train again, but this time it was empty. Empty, all except for Jinki smiling in the middle of debris, ruins and flaming embers next to him.
Kibum felt his eyes was burning. The dust from the explosion caught inside his eyes, and he saw the world was painted red. He painfully wiped his face. There was blood on his hand. Strangely, despite all the distortion and berserks, Jinki’s face was the only object he could clearly perceive.
“Jinki--” Kibum tried to call out, but his voice was caught by his own choke. He coughed, and felt the tangy taste of blood in his mouth. His breathing grew labored. Kibum looked down and saw a nasty shard of glass.
“Kibum, don’t speak.” Jinki said.
Kibum saw that Jinki’s condition wasn’t so much better than him. There was so many blood. Jinki’s handsome face was marred with scars and slight burn. He noticed how Jinki winced in pain, and all of a sudden, his own pain intensifies.
But I--
Kibum was close to tears as he discovered that no illegible voice would come out of his mouth.
I want to tell you so much that I love you…
...and it was magical, how, despite the fact that he could no longer say a single word, or with his expression contorted by pain, and despite the years they had been estranged to each other, Jinki understood.
“I love you too. I always have, I always will…” The older man smiled and reached out, and with the remaining strength left in him, Kibum reached back. “I’m sorry…”
Kibum smiled. It’s okay. And he meant it, at last, because nothing mattered anymore. Not even the years of heartache, the nights of haunting dreams, and solitude tears he had to endure.
He wasn’t alone anymore
Fin
Postscript:
This fic is not mine alone. It’s written by two people. I would like to thanks my Precious Mermound for the hand-holding, and the only one who reached out to answer my plea for help. I love you <3
The title, and the song lyrics that Kibum listened to was taken from Nelly Furtado’s All Good Things (Come to An End)