Round Three: Boiled Frogs
Title: boiled frogs
Team: D&O
Rating: R
Pairing: Taemin-centric (Taemin/Jonghyun, side!Onew/Minho)
Summary: Taemin is lucky enough to be accepted into the Government's military training program. Taemin should be happy to have such a great opportunity, but is he really?
Author's Note: title taken from Alexisonfire's single with the same title. This may be expanded at a later date since I ran out of time to explore the universe to my satisfaction. (Also this was slightly inspired by the novel "Cloud Atlas" by David Mitchell, which everyone should read!)
Prompt Used: "Beautiful Night" - Ulala Session
Taemin stretched his body out, shutting his eyes as he moved his body, swinging his arms around him freely. The mornings were his favourite part, at least doing the exercises he felt a sense of happiness, although Taemin couldn’t understand why. After all he knew that happiness didn’t come from flinging your arms around or jumping around on your feet, yet doing that made him feel light and airy. Taemin shook his head and opened his eyes, catching his reflection in the mirror.
His hair had just been shaved again, making Taemin stare in surprise. He still wasn’t used to the prickly fuzz that covered his scalp, and with careful fingers he stroked the top of his head shuddering a little. Taemin bit his lip and shook his head, he knew he shouldn’t do that. Instead he slipped his grey tunic on, and the grey uniform pants, all of his current clothes were grey, the government’s favourite colour apparently. Taemin shook his head again, straightening up as he eyed himself in the mirror again but he couldn’t stare at himself for very long. Instead Taemin thought of the exercises, or the brightly coloured clothes lined up neatly in his closet.
Because today was Taemin’s study day, he didn’t go down to the canteen for breakfast, instead there would be a plate waiting in the small window in the door. Taemin’s eyes flickered over the sign hanging above his door, smiling as he mouthed the words softly to himself, “Freedom is happiness! Happiness is buying presents for yourself.” Taemin picked up his plate, sitting on the floor to eat quietly, he actually liked study day the best even if it meant he didn’t get to leave his room. Although it was wrong, Taemin thought he liked it more than the marching or other training they did.
“Taemin.”
Taemin stood up as straight as a board and saluted to his first tutor, a guy who barely looked any older than him, and who barely stood any taller than him.
“Good morning, Jinki.” Taemin replied with a nod of his head, his smile long gone as he blinked across at his tutor.
“Good morning, Taemin.” Taemin wanted to like Jinki, but it was hard when he was always so serious and quiet. Jinki motioned that Taemin should sit down and with a small sigh Taemin squeezed into his seat. Taemin pulled his tablet and stylus out, fingering the stylus with slender fingers while he waited for Jinki to get warmed up.
««« - »»»
Half the morning was gone when Jinki finally left, and Taemin’s hand and head ached as always. Just before Jinki went he always asked Taemin a bunch of questions about what Jinki had been teaching Taemin. Sometimes Taemin’s thoughts wandered and he hated how Jinki always caught him out.
“When was Earth rescued from its corrupt regime?”
“Uh, 3114,” Taemin blinked trying not to look at his notes, he felt happy when Jinki nodded. Jinki asked a few more questions which Taemin dutifully answered, ignoring the way his stomach felt hollow and empty.
“I know it’s hard,” Jinki commented, his lips curving up, making Taemin almost slip back in his chair. He had never seen Jinki smile before, or do anything close to a smile. “It will get better, I promise.” Jinki squeezed his shoulder before he sat down opposite Taemin.
“It’s your first year here right?” Taemin nodded once, too scared to speak in case he said something inappropriate but this whole situation was so unusual. Jinki never talked to him like this, he left once his class finished and that was it. Was this one of the tests that his friend Kibum had told him about?
“Come on, let’s eat lunch.” Jinki gave Taemin another small smile, “You don’t mind if I eat here today?” Wordlessly Taemin stared at his tutor, telling himself this was normal and that he should just relax.
“I normally eat with my…” Jinki trailed off when Taemin glanced up at him, fingers twined around his spoon, “friend. But he’s doing extra training today.”
“I don’t have any friends here,” Taemin mumbled, “Well I do, but I haven’t been able to find them.”
“Friends aren’t important here, the self is.” Jinki replied, and Taemin blinked seeing the glazed over look in Jinki’s eyes. After that Jinki ate quietly and Taemin watched the time pass slowly, wondering when his next tutor would arrive.
««« - »»»
Taemin was almost disappointed when his tutoring session with Jonghyun went by so normally. There was nothing out of the ordinary with him. Like Jinki he was serious too, and his eyes sometimes scared Taemin, because they were so black and lifeless. But Taemin liked listening to Jonghyun’s voice, and he felt a sense of companionship with the other tutor because of the way he would pat Taemin’s shoulder when he got something right and the way Jonghyun would make small talk the whole time. It felt as if Jonghyun couldn’t shut up for five seconds, he always had to say something even if it was the most meaningless comment ever.
“Ah your other tutor is Jinki right?” Jonghyun would throw in and then continue, “Do you remember which organisation was destroyed in the Battle for Freedom?” At first it had thrown Taemin, but he was used to it now.
“Yeah, my other tutor is Jinki. Um, it was the United… the United Countries Treaty.”
“Correct. What was wrong with the United Countries Treaty (UTC)? What do you think of Jinki?”
“He’s okay.” Taemin nodded his head, “Seems very serious, um the UTC was trying to separate the world into factions and to stop the selling of goods. They wanted,” Taemin paused, biting his lip as he tried to think of the right word, he could see Jonghyun staring patiently at him.
“They wanted to make everything free and to stop people paying so much for goods.” Taemin shuddered the very idea seemed ludicrous, how could anything be free and how could they expect people to accept something like that? Jonghyun nodded and Taemin breathed out slowly, eyes checking the time again. He would have half an hour before dinner to himself.
“Good. I like Jinki too.” Jonghyun nodded, and then to Taemin’s surprise he sat down opposite him. “Okay, let’s finish the study session now.” Taemin glanced up and blinked when he saw Jonghyun smiling warmly across at him, and his eyes seemed less dark now.
“We live in the same sector,” Jonghyun nodded, “Anyway I’ll take you out shopping sometime, maybe with Jinki and his… friend.” Taemin frowned, wondering at the way Jonghyun and Jinki had said the word ‘friend’.
“I’d like that,” Taemin grinned, “I haven’t had the chance to buy any new clothes for a while.” Taemin breathed in deeply as he thought of the beautiful clothes and possessions waiting for him. He just needed to get through this training and then work hard in whatever job he was placed into and then one day, Taemin would be able to toss aside these grey clothes and have beautiful clothes to wear. Taemin smiled, he felt lucky to have this chance and opportunity.
««« - »»»
Jonghyun’s days were filled with classes and students to tutor. Jonghyun couldn’t wait for the day when he could move onto something new. Studying was something that he had never been good at, and so he found it tough to actually motivate and work with the students. Especially when his days were divided into two teaching sessions, the only days that were different were Tuesdays when Jonghyun had a break from teaching. It was the only day when he got to do arms training, and Tuesdays had been his favourite day, until he had met his new student, Taemin.
Jonghyun wasn’t sure what it was about Taemin that sparked his interest, but somehow he did. Maybe it was the way that Taemin glanced around the room during the study session, the way his eyes flickered everywhere and the way he fidgeted with his things. Maybe it was just because he reminded Jonghyun of himself, when he was studying but Taemin was still different, and because of that Jonghyun was curious to find out why and if he was like him.
The sky was overcast and grey just like their dull grey uniforms and Jonghyun breathed out slowly as he walked down the path. No one was out at the time, except for the guards, who stood as silent as statues. The only sound Jonghyun could hear was the sound of his shoes scraping across the stones, and glancing out at the city made him feel odd. There should be noise, there should be more noise. Jonghyun shuddered and glanced up at the dead sky again, noting how even the sky was even as if it was just a piece of grey canvas stretched across the sky.
Jonghyun had to remind himself of the fact that he only had a few more months before the rotation shift and he would hopefully get something better. First years had basic training, where they studied a lot of history and maths, science. Each day was allocated for a different subject and either the morning or afternoon was devoted to study. The other shift was some form of arms training, in the beginning it was usually marching practice. But as the year progressed the first years learned more advanced skills, and some were even lucky enough to learn how to shoot or blow up things.
The second year was similar to the first except that there was more physical training, and a lot of combat training. From the third year, they entered the rotation system which meant a year of one job before being swapped into something new. One of Jonghyun’s friends, Kibum had been lucky to be stuck in the kitchen, which meant lots of spare food and almost no serious training for a year. Jonghyun (and Jinki) on the other hand got stuck tutoring. But Jonghyun was starting to think maybe it was better to get that out of the way first, considering he still had five more years of rotational jobs. If he did well, Jonghyun would have better chances later to earn more money and be able to afford even more expensive possessions. Jonghyun straightened up and smiled, trying to think of something else as he approached the building where he lived. It was just another day to get through.
««« - »»»
Taemin was disappointed that it took a month before he could go out shopping with Jonghyun and Jinki. Jonghyun had kept making cryptic comments about timing and just confused Taemin so much. But now they were finally going out, Taemin bounced around looking at Jinki and his tall friend, Minho. Minho seemed pretty quiet and stuck pretty close to Jinki as they walked through the base grounds. Jonghyun was silent beside him and it scared Taemin a little.
“Going out shopping?” The guard grinned across at them and winked at Jonghyun when he nodded. “Yeah, I heard there is a sale tonight.”
“Yeah, been saving up my wages,” Jonghyun rubbed his hands together, “Although I don’t wanna spend it all tonight, I’m saving up for something real special.”
“Totally.” The guard grinned back at Jonghyun, waving them through. Taemin’s senses felt as if they were exploding as bright flashing lights filled his vision. The sky wasn’t black here, it was pulsing and glowing with colour, and Taemin blinked eyeing all the flashing neon signs and the way they all seemed to shout “Buy me! You need me! I’ll make you happy!”
They walked down street after street with pushy men shouting at them, pushing gaudy baubles into their faces. Jonghyun mostly ignored them, heading for the building with the busiest sign Taemin had ever seen. It had huge flashing lights and the silhouettes of woman. Taemin stared up, his jaw dropping open as they entered, he couldn’t help but wonder what this place was. It wasn’t like any of the other places Taemin had been shopping in. Everything seemed to shine and gleam, even if it was a little bit tacky, it made Taemin want to adjust his (awful) grey clothes and try to look more presentable. Taemin felt like a country bumpkin, which was pathetic considering he’d used to live in the city and now after almost a year it all seemed new and strange to him.
Taemin blindly began to follow Jinki and Minho who walked over towards a manned counter until he felt a tug on his sleeve and he turned to see Jonghyun shaking his head. Frowning Taemin gestured towards them, wondering why Jinki and Minho were going in but they were not.
“Taemin, it’s a hotel. You know what that is right?” Taemin frowned and then nodded, of course he knew what a hotel was. Taemin glanced back to see Jinki and Minho talking to the man, and he wondered what they sold here. After all they were going shopping right? With another frown their way, he left Jonghyun drag him back out onto the street.
“What… what… are we doing?”
“Shopping.” Jonghyun flashed Taemin a soft smile, “It’s gotta seem authentic.”
“Authentic… but why I mean that’s why we’re here, to shop.” Taemin stared back at Jonghyun, eyes widening when the older boy began to laugh at him.
“No, not really. You’ll see later Taemin when we get back here.” Taemin stared back at the hotel, pouting as he struggled to remember everything he heard about hotels, he felt as if something was on the tip of his tongue.
««« - »»»
Three hours later and Taemin was relieved to arrive back at the hotel. His arms ached from all of the shopping bags, and his eyes hurt when he looked inside at all the flashy glittering things they had bought. Taemin couldn’t stop smiling when he thought about how pretty his wardrobe would be now. Taemin hoped his years of work went fast because he was really looking forward to wearing the pretty clothes in his closet. Of course, gorgeous branded clothes were only for once you had fulfilled your countries duty, and then you could be happy and truly enjoy your possessions.
Taemin was too tired to be nervous, but he still wriggled around on his feet as Jonghyun knocked on the door. Taemin had given up trying to remember the rumours about hotels. The door opened and Taemin, felt his jaw drop when he saw Jinki dressed only in a light grey robe, his hair wet and hanging limply around his face. It hit him then and Taemin wanted to groan for being so stupid. Hotels sold sex. Taemin remembered being told how the military frequented hotels for sex. Taemin felt his cheeks heat, and he avoided Jonghyun’s gaze, feeling both sick and slightly excited as he wondered why Jonghyun had brought him here.
A movement made him look up and Taemin didn’t think his cheeks could burn any more when he saw that Minho was clad only in a towel, his torso and chest covered in what looked like bruises. Taemin could hear Jonghyun laughing but he was too mortified to see why. For a moment Taemin was glad that he had gone shopping with Jonghyun first, he didn’t think he could’ve coped otherwise. Taemin sucked in a deep breath and told himself to calm down, they were all adults after all.
“Come in,” Jinki grinned holding the door wider, “You guys were pretty fast, luckily… we uh finished our um business.” Taemin blinked trying to work out if they had slept together or with prostitutes but then he saw Minho reached for Jinki’s hand and the way Jinki leaned across to press kisses into Minho’s bare shoulders. Taemin felt his face heat again, and he didn’t know where to look.
“Are you ready Taemin?” Jonghyun practically screamed and Taemin froze in shock, wondering what he was about to be subjected to.
“Listen, what we’re about to show you, is strictly confidential. You must not tell anyone.” Jonghyun warned him, “It’s illegal too. So please do not tell a single soul about it.” Taemin nodded when he saw the three solemn faces nodding and staring hopefully at him. With his heart thumping in his chest, he promised and Jonghyun took a drop of his blood to hold him to his promise.
««« - »»»
“So our shopping,” Taemin started to speak, but Jonghyun clamped a hand over his mouth. Warm palm pushed solid against Taemin’s lips. Taemin narrowed and widened his eyes, trying to make Jonghyun step back which he did after a few seconds.
“We had a great time.” Jonghyun stared seriously down at Taemin, “There is nothing more to say. End of story.” Taemin sighed and just nodded, tilting his head down to look at his paper.
“Um, okay let’s do a spelling test.” Jonghyun announced, making Taemin squirm because he hated spelling with a passion. Taemin could barely concentrate he kept staring up at Jonghyun. Tutor Jonghyun he was beginning to realise was very different from the Jonghyun from the other night. Jinki was much the same, except that he smiled a lot more. But Jonghyun wasn’t, and Taemin wished he could be like him.
“Taemin, you’re not really in the mood are you?”
“No, sorry.” Taemin pouted, “I’ll try harder?”
“Nah, fuck it. Let’s play cards, it’s not like anyone actually checks your progress.” Jonghyun smirked and pulled out a deck of cards. Taemin couldn’t help but grin across at Jonghyun, feeling relieved to have the older male as one of his tutors.
««« - »»»
Taemin could see the boy in front of him wobbling on his feet. He wanted to step forward and correct his pose, but Taemin knew he would get in trouble so he ignored it. Taemin gritted his teeth, noticing more students who seemed to struggle to stand still or move their feet into the right pose. It wasn’t difficult, he couldn’t understand why everyone else seemed to struggle.
“Lee Taemin! Perfect!”
Taemin shrank down slightly, wishing he could sink into the floor as he felt the other students eyeing him and outright staring. He wanted to shout that he was sorry, but the weight of their drill sergeants eyes on him made him just stand there with a blank face. Taemin sucked in a deep breath when the eyes finally left him and they settled into their routine of marching.
Taemin’s mind wandered and he thought of why some things were banned. He blamed Jonghyun, ever since he had begun to hang out with him, a list of banned goods and items began to filter through his head. Taemin wondered why singing your own songs was banned, or why dancing was banned. Sometimes it seemed as if anything creative was banned because the first week Taemin was there a student had been found writing his own thoughts and stories down in his tablet.
The bonfire had blazed for hours burning away his possessions, Taemin had watched with pity, his pile of beautiful clothes and shoes. Taemin could still remember the boy’s pale face, and his terrified sobs as they dragged him away. Taemin didn’t know what they actually did to people like that, but he doubted they survived considering there was a death notice for him a week later. Taemin faltered slightly, feeling slightly scared when he thought of what Jonghyun, Jinki and Minho were doing, and now he was implicated too.
The marching seemed to go a lot faster when he was lost in his thoughts. Before long he was marching back to his dorm room, passing by the slogans that reminded him to save up and buy for the future. That money wasn’t needed now (or later) but clothes and goods were needed. By the time he reached his room, Taemin opened his closets and fingered the fine robes and clothes. Every so often he wondered if he should’ve got a larger size, what if they didn’t fit him when he was finally allowed to wear them? But when he’d asked about that, his sergeant had told him it wouldn’t be a problem.
Taemin figured his sergeant was right, after all when he saw the videos of people happily enjoying their retirement (and the clothes and goods they had accumulated over the years), they were all skinny and beautiful. Taemin slid the clothes back in, remembering that he could always have surgery after all, then the clothes would most definitely fit.
««« - »»»
The next time they went shopping, Jonghyun opened the door to the hotel room and Taemin peered in to see Minho lying on the floor with Jinki hovering over him. Taemin tried to tug Jonghyun backwards to give them privacy, but Jonghyun stepped in anyway.
“Try again,” Jinki mumbled and Taemin watched as Jinki practically crouched over Minho, his hands pressing against his chest firmly.
“What are they doing?” Taemin whispered tugging on Jonghyun’s sleeve.
“Exercises.” Jonghyun grinned, “Wanna do them too?” Taemin shook his head, but Jonghyun started instructing him on how to breathe in and how to position himself. Before long Taemin found himself standing in a certain way with Jonghyun instructing him to make crazy sounds, Taemin blushed when he looked over and met Minho’s gaze.
“It’s awkward isn’t it?” Minho smiled at him, “But I like it when Jinki teaches me things.”
“He’s my tutor too,” Taemin glanced around seeing how Jonghyun and Jinki were getting set up.
“Oh, he’s not my actual tutor.” Minho admitted, “but he teaches me lots of other things.” Taemin nodded, resisting the urge to say that he had guessed that from how close they were. Minho was incredibly good looking Taemin thought, even with the short hair and next to Jinki they looked perfect in a way. It made something tighten in Taemin’s chest when he gazed across at them both.
A knocking on the door made Taemin freeze in shock, would they be killed just for being in the hotel room together? A touch made Taemin glance over to see Jinki touching his arm lightly, and Taemin wondered if his fear had been visible.
“Hey!” Jonghyun exclaimed as another boy entered, Taemin stared curiously at him, feeling sad when he saw Jonghyun fling his arms around the boy. “You came! I missed you!” Taemin stared at Jonghyun’s muscular arms encasing the skinny boy, and he just felt so awkward, like an intruder. He had been wrong about everything. The previous time he thought this was about sex but he had been wrong. Why was he even here?
“Taemin, this is Kibum, or Key.” Jonghyun beamed across at Taemin, his arm still slung casually around Kibum’s waist. Taemin didn’t like the way Kibum eyed him, but he offered a small smile back at him, he should at least be polite.
“We’re gonna start,” Jinki announced a minute later, “That okay?” He held Minho’s hand and pulled him closer to the bed and television. Taemin just watched as Jonghyun nodded his head, before reaching for Taemin. Taemin felt incredibly awkward when Jonghyun made him lie on the floor, giving him soft instructions and then he was leaning in to close and pawing his chest. Taemin froze, lying stiffly there as Jonghyun’s face hovered above his, the warmth of Jonghyun’s breath shifting across Taemin’s shoulder bones. It was almost unbearable the way heat pooled in his lower body, and Taemin felt so ashamed as Jonghyun’s dark eyes locked on his, hands touching his chest.
“You’re so skinny,” Jonghyun whispered, hand pressing against his nipple. Taemin could feel his heart thumping loudly, it even drowned out the noise that Jinki and Minho were making. It felt as if the whole world was concentrated in that moment of Jonghyun’s hand pressed to his chest and his eyes locked on Taemin’s.
“Stop molesting him,” Kibum’s voice shattered the moment, and Taemin sucked in a deep breath. He couldn’t decide if he should glare at Kibum or offer him a thankful smile.
««« - »»»
“Why did Jonghyun start this group?” Taemin whispered in a rare moment that he was alone with Jinki. He could hear Jonghyun and Minho arguing about something, Jonghyun’s voice was loud as always.
“Because he wants to be free,” Jinki shrugged, “Someone like him will always find a way to stretch or break the rules.”
“How… did he even know about singing?” Taemin asked, glancing over to see Kibum watching intently.
“It wasn’t banned when we were little.” Jinki admitted, “we used to go for singing lessons together.” Taemin could see the sadness in Jinki’s eyes when he said that.
“It wasn’t liked, but it wasn’t illegal either.”
“But why?”
“Because singing has the power to move someone, and it’s something they can’t control, feelings or emotions.” Taemin nodded, his head hurt thinking about all these things but then he thought of how he felt when Jonghyun sang. It filled him with happiness and made him want to get up and caper around the room freely.
“And they want us to buy things to make us happy. Happiness is only in buying something.” Taemin blinked and turned back to look at Jinki again.
“But it does make us happy,” Taemin frowned, “I feel happy when I buy things.”
“But it’s not really happiness, Taemin. What did you feel when Jonghyun sang?”
“Light, airy like I could float up into the sky. I don’t know it made me want to jump around and go crazy. I guess I felt happy too.” Jinki smiled gently across at Taemin, patting his hand lightly.
“Jonghyun can teach you how to sing too, just be patient.”
“I just don’t get why he’s doing this now? Why not in the future when he’s retired?” Taemin frowned when he saw the way Jinki’s eyes glazed over, and he looked as if he was about to cry.
“Taemin, have you ever seen a retired person?” Taemin shook his head, scoffing slightly, and wondering if Jinki was stupid.
“Of course not! They go to the Heavenly Isles, they don’t live here with us, I thought everyone knew that!”
“But where is it?” Jinki asked a moment later, “Look at a map of the world next time you see one.” Taemin nodded and said he would do that happily. Taemin stared at Jonghyun and Jinki carefully, wondering how they knew so much stuff.
“They’re super observant.” Kibum smiled across at Taemin, “That’s why. We all have to be because we don’t want to get caught.” Taemin’s head felt as if it was going to explode, when Jonghyun handed him a microphone so he could try singing, he felt the pressure in his head go down a little. Taemin’s voice was weak and feeble, but he still felt so much better even if he was sure he sounded terrible.
««« - »»»
What Jinki had said ate away at Taemin until he felt as if he had a gaping hole in his middle. One night he woke up and stumbled across the floor, squinting in the light until he had his tablet out on the table. Taemin sat down, trying to ignore his heart and the way his body just wanted to go back to sleep. Taemin looked at a map of the world, his fingers tracing over the continents and oceans. Taemin frowned and looked again, and when he failed to find anything he did a search on his tablet, which came up with nothing. It was as if the Heavenly Isles didn’t even exist. Taemin scoffed and went back to bed, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
It must be on another planet, or maybe it is another planet! There were all those rumours about space travel before I came here. That must be how they get there. Taemin shut his eyes and tried to stop thinking about it, It’s so weird why do they make us buy possessions now, why don’t we just save up the money and spend it when we get to the other planet? Taemin sighed and rolled onto his side, biting his lip, How did Jonghyun and Jinki even work out these things anyway? I’m sure there is more to it than being observant.
««« - »»»
“I think we need to be careful with Taemin,” Minho whispered into Jinki’s ear in their shared room. He wasn’t taking any chances in case the room was bugged. They were usually careful with what they said, even if it was their room.
“Why?” Jinki looked genuinely surprised when he gazed up at Minho, his hand inching under Minho’s grey tunic to stroke down his spine. Minho sucked in a deep breath, shaking his head when Jinki’s fingers splayed across his skin igniting every nerve in his body.
“Because,” Minho brushed his lips against Jinki’s neck, breathing heavily against Jinki’s skin until he could feel the older shuddering against him. “He asks too many questions.” Minho’s eyes slid shut, his body felt pulled tight as Jinki’s hand pressed lower. Minho felt himself slipping between the cracks, losing control of everything but the way Jinki felt pressed against him.
“I don’t wanna talk about him anymore.” Jinki whispered, pushing Minho onto his back as he settled next to him. The way Jinki’s eyes glimmered, and he eyed Minho so hungrily forced Minho to bite down into his lip to stifle his moan. Minho reached for Jinki, squeezing his eyes shut as he pulled Jinki over him, the weight of his body and the sharp points of Jinki’s hips increased the throbbing between his legs. Minho wanted Jinki so much, it was almost unbearable and the heat of Jinki’s mouth made him whimper quietly needing even more of Jinki. Each press of Jinki’s lips made Minho’s nerves tingle, warmth slipping right into his body and making him cling desperately to Jinki.
(Sometimes Minho thought it was more perfect like this, when they were aligned together in the darkness. Their sweaty bodies tangled together and the way they held everything back, their moans even the slick sounds of their bodies moving in time. But Minho liked the slow build up, the way the heat inside of him was stoked and then it stayed burning hot for so long until Minho thought he would combust, and it kept growing until it was almost unbearable the pleasure almost making lose all coherent thought until they shattered completely.)
««« - »»»
Taemin felt restless when he woke up, his body seemed to ache oddly and he could feel heat pooling in his lower body. Taemin sighed and rolled onto his side, he hated feeling like this. He hated having these kinds of needs when it was just him. Taemin felt his cheeks heat when he thought about the markings he had seen across Minho’s body, and it just made the ache increase even more. Taemin bit his lip and slid a hand down his stomach, hissing softly when he pressed into his pyjama bottoms, his hand grasping his length. Taemin shut his eyes as he began to touch himself, biting into his lip until he heard a bang on his door.
Taemin’s eyes shot open and he sat up, his face burning with shame when he suddenly saw a sleepy, messy haired Jinki stumbling into his room. Taemin didn’t know where to look and he pulled his knees up hugging them to his chest.
“Hello.” Jinki frowned across at Taemin, “I was just woken up to give you a message.” Taemin frowned and shifted forward to take the slip of paper from Jinki’s hand. Taemin’s hands shook slightly as he unfolded the piece of paper, eyes widening as he read it.
Lee Taemin,
This is your first warning! The search request you made last night is illegal, cease all inquiries into that topic unless you want to be expelled from the system.
The second warning will not be so pleasant, and it will be your final warning.
Colonel Crawford, Esset.
Taemin’s fingers shook, he couldn’t stop shivering as the paper slid out of his fingers. Taemin couldn’t move and he sat there frozen until Jinki was wrapping arms around him and asking him what happened. Taemin couldn’t think, he felt as if he was drowning, the water coming up over his head and flooding his body. Taemin didn’t know how long he sat there with Jinki patting his back softly.
««« - »»»
Jonghyun smiled as he marched down the corridors, saluting to everyone he saw. His thoughts kept bouncing back to Taemin, he felt so glad that he had introduced him to their little singing club. Illegal it was, but Jonghyun was very careful not to get caught and plus he made sure to keep his eyes and ears open to pick up anything unusual that was going around.
He could still remember when they first arrived, how he and Jinki had rushed into their rooms before they were finished preparing them. Jinki had come running into Jonghyun’s with a frown, saying that maybe he had the wrong room because there were still possessions in his room as if someone was living there. It looked as if someone had just stepped out, the tablet was on the table, and a half full glass. Jonghyun blinked when he realised his room was the same and he remembered how they had been ordered to stay out of the rooms for the time being.
“Maybe we should come back later?” Jonghyun whispered and they snuck downstairs again.
It sent shivers down Jonghyun’s spine when he returned and found the room silent and empty. He told himself that the occupant had just been slow to move out of the room. But then Jinki had found out the occupants of their rooms and a notice that they had an early promotion and were taken to the Heavenly Isles early. It didn’t quite sit right with Jonghyun though because he couldn’t understand why they hadn’t taken their clothes and possessions with them, or why it had looked like they had just walked out of the rooms and never returned.
Since then Jonghyun had been extra careful to seem absolutely normal and unaware of what was going on around him. He smiled a lot and hung out with the other guys and he made sure to go shopping with different people and to be seen with prostitutes in hotels, just like everyone else. Even Jinki and Minho did the same, although Jonghyun was pretty sure they didn’t actually sleep with them.
Jonghyun halted when he looked up and saw Taemin walking towards him, his uniform all neat and tidy but he looked tired and exhausted. Jonghyun could see the bags under his eyes, and it was hard to ignore him, and it was odd because he looked so pretty. Jonghyun couldn’t help but think Taemin didn’t belong there, none of them did, but he really didn’t.
“Hello Taemin.” Jonghyun offered Taemin a small smile, feeling his heart jump when Taemin beamed across at him, his cheeks turning a faint red.
“Hello,” Taemin flapped his arms about as if he didn’t know quite what to do with them. “Sorry, uh, I have to go.” Jonghyun watched him go, his perfect posture making it a delight to watch him walk. Jonghyun swallowed when he thought of the sinuous way Taemin had moved in the hotel the last time. He said he didn’t know what he was doing, just his body wanted to move that way. Jonghyun had to shake his head to clear his thoughts and remind himself to keep on walking, he couldn’t start feeling that way about Taemin.
««« - »»»
“You know, you’re the only one.” Taemin mumbled as he sat on the edge of the bed, listening to Jinki sing something sweet and soft to Minho.
“Eh?”
“Who saw me. Who went out of their way to talk to me.” Taemin nodded his head, feeling happy when Jonghyun shifted closer to him. “Thank you, and I’m sorry for not being careful. I will be more careful I promise.” Jonghyun patted Taemin’s knee, making Taemin tense as he sat there.
“I don’t know how people don’t see you, I really don’t.” Jonghyun frowned, “You seemed really bright to me, even in that grey uniform.” Taemin felt his cheeks warm and he dropped his head down avoiding Jonghyun’s gaze.
“Anyway, I don’t understand how you and Jinki know so much stuff. Aren’t you worried we’ll get caught?”
“I guess,” Taemin glanced over, shocked to hear how calm and relaxed Jonghyun sounded, “Maybe I want to get caught.” Taemin’s head shot up and he gaped across at Jonghyun.
“What?”
“Well do you really want to work in this mundane job for god knows how long?” Jonghyun frowned across at Taemin, “Be stuck in this grey colourless world for the best years of our lives. And then what happens, we die?” Taemin felt his head spinning as Jonghyun ranted, his eyes seemed to be full of sparks when Taemin stared into them.
“I’m starting to think that it’s all lies. Why do we have to use up our wages now? Why can’t we buy clothes later when we supposedly retire? And why do people disappear, I’m starting to think when we’re no longer useful they just kill us and sell our possessions again.” Taemin was shaking and he shifted closer to Jonghyun needing to feel his warmth. He couldn’t think straight, he wanted to scream and just tell Jonghyun to shut up, but instead he just sat there listening.
“I mean Jinki saw the clothes that were hanging in his room in the shops one day. How did he know they were the same you probably wonder?” Taemin bit his lip and nodded when Jonghyun looked over, hands suddenly wrapped around Taemin’s body pulling him in close.
“Shit, I’m sorry Taemin.” Jonghyun whispered, his hands felt so secure against Taemin’s back, and Jonghyun’s breath made him feel better. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” Taemin tried to hold back his tears as Jonghyun hugged him tighter.
“I don’t want you to die,” Taemin whispered, “I don’t want them to hurt you.” Taemin curled his fingers into Jonghyun’s shirt.
“Taemin, I just want to be free.” Taemin felt shivers slide down his spine from the way Jonghyun whispered his name, and he burrowed deeper against Jonghyun, burying his face in against his chest. Taemin could smell and feel Jonghyun all around him and he just wanted to stay there forever.
««« - »»»
“What if it’s not as bad out there as they tell us it is?” Jonghyun slung an arm around Taemin’s shoulder, holding the microphone steady in his hand and making his voice echo in the room. Taemin winced from the loudness, feeling the way his heart sped up and seemed to beat harder when Jonghyun pulled him in close.
“What if it is.” Taemin countered, “We’re in the best place possible.”
“But how do we know it?” Jonghyun frowned, “We’re controlled all the fucking time. I fucking hate it.” Taemin shrugged Jonghyun’s arm off him wishing he didn’t feel so awkward after the last time when he had clung to Jonghyun.
“But how do you know it’s any better out there?” Taemin argued back, flopping down on the bed. His heart felt heavy and uneasy, he hated the way it was beating so rapidly and oddly. Taemin felt as if something bad was going to happen, he could feel it in the air, in the tension that seemed to be building amongst everyone.
“Maybe it isn’t, but at least I’ll be free.” Jonghyun’s voice sounded small and so insignificant that it made Taemin glance up when he realised that Jonghyun had turned the microphone off. “I want to see the sky and not be in this fucking place surrounded by grey.”
“I want to be able to run like an idiot, instead being confined to marching or walking.” Taemin felt a pang in his heart as he heard the bitterness in Jonghyun’s voice. It cut through him until Taemin felt as if he was responsible, as if he had chained Jonghyun in place.
“I’m sorry.” Taemin bit his lip, “Is it so wrong for me to want you guys to live?”
“But that’s the thing, we’re not really living.”
“Cut it out Jonghyun.” Taemin tensed when he felt Kibum sitting next to him, his arm heavy around his waist. “You’re freaking Taemin out.”
“I’m fine,” Taemin argued back, pouting when Kibum shot raised one eyebrow as if to say he didn’t believe it.
“Okay, you’re fine. But I’m sick of heavy topics like that. We’re here to sing illegally, so let’s fucking do it.” Kibum suggested with a grin and he reached for the second microphone handing it to Taemin. Taemin sucked in a deep breath and stood up. Jonghyun offered him a small smile as he pushed play on the television and the recorded video began to play. Taemin felt a lot better when Jonghyun sang with him, although the mushy lyrics made his cheeks heat and he avoided looking over to where Jinki and Minho were huddled together. Taemin focussed on Jonghyun instead, watching the way his eyes seemed to light up when he sang and he seemed so much more energetic. It hurt when Taemin realised that Jonghyun was right, he wasn’t alive in the facility, he was just a shell of himself, like a bus that drives around without a single passenger.
««« - »»»
Taemin knew he was pathetic, but Jonghyun was eating away at his insides in a way that was unbearable. He couldn’t handle it and so he stopped going singing. It was supposed to get better now that Jonghyun wasn’t his tutor anymore. But if anything it felt as if he had grown a twin, a silent, dark shadow that hung around and followed him, throwing darkness over everything. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop thinking about the singing and Jonghyun’s words, they echoed through his head. Even when he was stuck in the library trying to find information for his essay, Jonghyun bothered him.
“I want to be free.”
“I want to run like an idiot.”
It made Taemin scrunch up his eyes and try to remember how life had been before he came here. Because he had been out there, but all Taemin could remember was the greyness, and the squalor, it had been horrible compared to here. But Taemin had seen gates, once when he walked too far and he ended up in some strange area. He had seen a huge fence and beyond it he could see green, but the gate was locked and the wall tall enough to keep anyone out (or anyone in really).
Taemin had heard the sea was beyond the gate, but he’d never really believed it. He figured it must be an even more desolate place out there otherwise why else would they have that gate there? The gate was surely to protect them and their luxury. Not that he had known luxury, Taemin found it interesting that close to the military base everything did look clean and expensive. But further away things disintegrated and looked shabby, and cheap, Taemin assumed it was because those people couldn’t afford to buy anything. The streets there were full of poor people begging. Taemin shook his head to make the images go away, he didn’t want to remember that.
He was lucky. He was so lucky to have been chosen to be accepted into this prestigious place. Taemin told himself that, he was special and one of the rare people allowed to accumulate wealth and possessions. He could afford to buy expensive and beautiful things for his retirement and he would go to the Heavenly Isles. Taemin hated how he could hear Jonghyun’s voice in the back of his head, but what if it’s all lies? What if you’re being brainwashed Taemin?
Taemin frowned and stood up, not caring if he was making a scene or disturbing the library. He needed fresh air, he needed to get out. Taemin shoved his stuff into his bag, and he practically bolted for the door, only to be grabbed by the elbow. Taemin froze until he realised it was Jinki.
“Taemin, please come shopping with me,” Jinki pleaded, and Taemin shook his head.
“Jonghyun needs to talk to you, it’s important. And he misses you.” Taemin scoffed and just rolled his eyes, ignoring the way Jinki just looked at him with that damn smile that seemed to say, “I see you Taemin. I know you care.” Worst thing was that it was true, Taemin hated his traitorous heart for beating faster at Jinki’s words.
“Fine.” Taemin tapped his foot impatiently, “I’ll come one last time.”
««« - »»»
Taemin frowned when he received the notice that there was going to be a meeting. They usually only held meetings once or twice a year and they’d had one not that long ago. Jonghyun had told him to be there and to be prepared. Taemin had felt his heart thud, his palms sweaty as he wondered what Jonghyun meant. Taemin wasn’t sure how to act around Jonghyun anymore. It had been awkward after avoiding Jonghyun. Jonghyun kept glancing sadly across at him but he didn’t try to talk to Taemin. Instead he just hogged the microphone and sung soft songs that tugged away inside of Taemin’s chest. It was only at the end that Jonghyun had spoken those cryptic words to him.
The hall was crowded when Taemin sat down, a sea of shaved heads and grey uniforms. His eyes widened in shock when Sergeant Crawford appeared on the stage with Jonghyun next to him. Taemin began to shiver when he saw how silent and pale Jonghyun looked. Oh shit, they’ve got him. What are they going to do to him? Taemin wanted to scream and cry when he saw the Sergeant smirking and he pushed Jonghyun forward. Jonghyun stumbled and almost fell, and Taemin felt as if his heart was breaking. Taemin hated himself for ignoring Jonghyun all those weeks, his heart felt as if it was about to be ripped out. He wanted to scream at Jonghyun to run, to be fucking free.
“Cadet Kim has something to say to you all.”
“Actually,” Jonghyun straightened up and looked Sergeant Crawford right in the eye, “I want to say it to you.” Taemin gasped and stiffened in his seat when he saw how the Sergeant’s face tightened. Taemin’s eyes widened when he saw Jonghyun unbutton his shirt, tugging it off and letting it drop to the floor, leaving him clad in a white singlet only. Taemin stared at his body briefly before the horror of what was happening hit him and he focussed on the words being spoken.
“I quit! I quit my job here! I will give up my wages and possessions and go back out into the tenements.” Taemin’s eyes widened when he heard the Sergeant begin to laugh. Taemin felt rooted to the spot, his heart thudding uncontrollably as the awful laughter rolled over him.
“That’s ridiculous! Why would you give up your excellent job here?” He sneered, “You do realise that if you leave here, you’ll earn no money. You’ll be a stupid plebeian with no chances and no chance of anything. Anyway, it’s illegal you can’t leave here, until you retire.” The Sergeant looked quite smug but Jonghyun straightened up and Taemin couldn’t think of anything but Jonghyun. Stupid, silly Jonghyun, who wanted to be free and who made Taemin’s chest ache oddly.
“It’s not illegal. I asked the Colonel,” Jonghyun smirked, and then held up a document, “This clause states that we are free to quit as long as we do so without any of our possessions.” Jonghyun handed the document over to the Sergeant who stared in wonder at it and Taemin could see that he was stunned into silence.
“So who is coming with me?” Jonghyun shouted, and Taemin’s eyes widened even more when he stripped down completely. Taemin couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jonghyun’s muscular body, and the way he stood there so proudly as if he wasn’t standing completely naked in front of 500 people. Taemin wanted to stand up, but his legs were shaking so much, and he couldn’t move until he saw Jinki and Minho appear next to Jonghyun on the stage. Taemin swallowed and stood up, fingers shaking as he began to unbutton his shirt, he had just reached the end of the aisle when someone grabbed his wrist.
“Taemin!” Kibum hissed, “Took you fucking long enough.” Taemin bit his lip, opening his mouth to speak, but Kibum just shook his head and dragged him forwards. Taemin felt mortified standing on the stage in nothing, but it was over before too long, one of the Captains ushering them forward and telling them to just leave. Taemin could feel the weight of the audience on them, and he could see they didn’t understand any of it.
They walked forward and Jonghyun was suddenly reaching for Taemin’s hand, holding it tightly in his own. Taemin felt better then, and biting his lip he stepped forward his heart thumping loudly in his chest. He had no idea what would happen, would they even make it out alive? It was hard to ignore the urge to just run, and Taemin had to suppress the urge to be sick.
“How… why…” Taemin whispered as he clung to Jonghyun’s hand, “What if they just kill us all?”
“But they’d be breaking the law if they did that,” Jonghyun smiled smugly across at Taemin. “Why… I did it for you.” Taemin squeezed Jonghyun’s hand tighter about to tell him to just shut up and stop pretending for his sake.
“You said you didn’t want me to die, and I realised I didn’t want to either. I was going to have as much fun as I could and then just die. I figured a short happy life was better than all of this mundane shit.” Taemin could feel Jonghyun’s body right next to him, the heat making him feel calm even as they marched naked out of the facility.
“But… maybe they’ll kill us. And even if they don’t, what will we do? There is nothing out here.”
“There are shops and hotels,” Jonghyun reminded Taemin, “And people live out here too, those that don’t make it into the military.”
“Yes but there is no hope,” Taemin frowned, “and they can’t afford to buy anything.” Taemin glanced forward at Jinki and Minho, the way they held hands tightly and walked so lightly as if they were really happy. Taemin felt scared when he felt as if they had walked for a really long time, past so many things. He felt as if they were really were being taken to their deaths.
“So?” Kibum snapped next to Taemin, “it’s gotta be better than being stuck in here. We’ll be free to do what we want.” Taemin’s eyes widened when Kibum grabbed his other hand and held it tightly.
“I’m sure it will all work out,” Jonghyun smiled across at Taemin, “I believe it will.” Jonghyun nodded and gripped Taemin’s hand tighter as they reached the outer gate, the high grey wall towered over them, crushing Taemin’s thoughts. Taemin felt as if his heart was going to explode as they stood there waiting for the gate to open, the guards turned their backs on them when the gate was open. Taemin sucked in a deep breath as he saw Jinki and Minho hold hands with Kibum, so they stood in a straight line and then Jinki was stepping forward leading them back out into the unknown.
««« - »»»
the end.
Poll Boiled Frogs
Team: D&O
Rating: R
Pairing: Taemin-centric (Taemin/Jonghyun, side!Onew/Minho)
Summary: Taemin is lucky enough to be accepted into the Government's military training program. Taemin should be happy to have such a great opportunity, but is he really?
Author's Note: title taken from Alexisonfire's single with the same title. This may be expanded at a later date since I ran out of time to explore the universe to my satisfaction. (Also this was slightly inspired by the novel "Cloud Atlas" by David Mitchell, which everyone should read!)
Prompt Used: "Beautiful Night" - Ulala Session
Taemin stretched his body out, shutting his eyes as he moved his body, swinging his arms around him freely. The mornings were his favourite part, at least doing the exercises he felt a sense of happiness, although Taemin couldn’t understand why. After all he knew that happiness didn’t come from flinging your arms around or jumping around on your feet, yet doing that made him feel light and airy. Taemin shook his head and opened his eyes, catching his reflection in the mirror.
His hair had just been shaved again, making Taemin stare in surprise. He still wasn’t used to the prickly fuzz that covered his scalp, and with careful fingers he stroked the top of his head shuddering a little. Taemin bit his lip and shook his head, he knew he shouldn’t do that. Instead he slipped his grey tunic on, and the grey uniform pants, all of his current clothes were grey, the government’s favourite colour apparently. Taemin shook his head again, straightening up as he eyed himself in the mirror again but he couldn’t stare at himself for very long. Instead Taemin thought of the exercises, or the brightly coloured clothes lined up neatly in his closet.
Because today was Taemin’s study day, he didn’t go down to the canteen for breakfast, instead there would be a plate waiting in the small window in the door. Taemin’s eyes flickered over the sign hanging above his door, smiling as he mouthed the words softly to himself, “Freedom is happiness! Happiness is buying presents for yourself.” Taemin picked up his plate, sitting on the floor to eat quietly, he actually liked study day the best even if it meant he didn’t get to leave his room. Although it was wrong, Taemin thought he liked it more than the marching or other training they did.
“Taemin.”
Taemin stood up as straight as a board and saluted to his first tutor, a guy who barely looked any older than him, and who barely stood any taller than him.
“Good morning, Jinki.” Taemin replied with a nod of his head, his smile long gone as he blinked across at his tutor.
“Good morning, Taemin.” Taemin wanted to like Jinki, but it was hard when he was always so serious and quiet. Jinki motioned that Taemin should sit down and with a small sigh Taemin squeezed into his seat. Taemin pulled his tablet and stylus out, fingering the stylus with slender fingers while he waited for Jinki to get warmed up.
««« - »»»
Half the morning was gone when Jinki finally left, and Taemin’s hand and head ached as always. Just before Jinki went he always asked Taemin a bunch of questions about what Jinki had been teaching Taemin. Sometimes Taemin’s thoughts wandered and he hated how Jinki always caught him out.
“When was Earth rescued from its corrupt regime?”
“Uh, 3114,” Taemin blinked trying not to look at his notes, he felt happy when Jinki nodded. Jinki asked a few more questions which Taemin dutifully answered, ignoring the way his stomach felt hollow and empty.
“I know it’s hard,” Jinki commented, his lips curving up, making Taemin almost slip back in his chair. He had never seen Jinki smile before, or do anything close to a smile. “It will get better, I promise.” Jinki squeezed his shoulder before he sat down opposite Taemin.
“It’s your first year here right?” Taemin nodded once, too scared to speak in case he said something inappropriate but this whole situation was so unusual. Jinki never talked to him like this, he left once his class finished and that was it. Was this one of the tests that his friend Kibum had told him about?
“Come on, let’s eat lunch.” Jinki gave Taemin another small smile, “You don’t mind if I eat here today?” Wordlessly Taemin stared at his tutor, telling himself this was normal and that he should just relax.
“I normally eat with my…” Jinki trailed off when Taemin glanced up at him, fingers twined around his spoon, “friend. But he’s doing extra training today.”
“I don’t have any friends here,” Taemin mumbled, “Well I do, but I haven’t been able to find them.”
“Friends aren’t important here, the self is.” Jinki replied, and Taemin blinked seeing the glazed over look in Jinki’s eyes. After that Jinki ate quietly and Taemin watched the time pass slowly, wondering when his next tutor would arrive.
««« - »»»
Taemin was almost disappointed when his tutoring session with Jonghyun went by so normally. There was nothing out of the ordinary with him. Like Jinki he was serious too, and his eyes sometimes scared Taemin, because they were so black and lifeless. But Taemin liked listening to Jonghyun’s voice, and he felt a sense of companionship with the other tutor because of the way he would pat Taemin’s shoulder when he got something right and the way Jonghyun would make small talk the whole time. It felt as if Jonghyun couldn’t shut up for five seconds, he always had to say something even if it was the most meaningless comment ever.
“Ah your other tutor is Jinki right?” Jonghyun would throw in and then continue, “Do you remember which organisation was destroyed in the Battle for Freedom?” At first it had thrown Taemin, but he was used to it now.
“Yeah, my other tutor is Jinki. Um, it was the United… the United Countries Treaty.”
“Correct. What was wrong with the United Countries Treaty (UTC)? What do you think of Jinki?”
“He’s okay.” Taemin nodded his head, “Seems very serious, um the UTC was trying to separate the world into factions and to stop the selling of goods. They wanted,” Taemin paused, biting his lip as he tried to think of the right word, he could see Jonghyun staring patiently at him.
“They wanted to make everything free and to stop people paying so much for goods.” Taemin shuddered the very idea seemed ludicrous, how could anything be free and how could they expect people to accept something like that? Jonghyun nodded and Taemin breathed out slowly, eyes checking the time again. He would have half an hour before dinner to himself.
“Good. I like Jinki too.” Jonghyun nodded, and then to Taemin’s surprise he sat down opposite him. “Okay, let’s finish the study session now.” Taemin glanced up and blinked when he saw Jonghyun smiling warmly across at him, and his eyes seemed less dark now.
“We live in the same sector,” Jonghyun nodded, “Anyway I’ll take you out shopping sometime, maybe with Jinki and his… friend.” Taemin frowned, wondering at the way Jonghyun and Jinki had said the word ‘friend’.
“I’d like that,” Taemin grinned, “I haven’t had the chance to buy any new clothes for a while.” Taemin breathed in deeply as he thought of the beautiful clothes and possessions waiting for him. He just needed to get through this training and then work hard in whatever job he was placed into and then one day, Taemin would be able to toss aside these grey clothes and have beautiful clothes to wear. Taemin smiled, he felt lucky to have this chance and opportunity.
««« - »»»
Jonghyun’s days were filled with classes and students to tutor. Jonghyun couldn’t wait for the day when he could move onto something new. Studying was something that he had never been good at, and so he found it tough to actually motivate and work with the students. Especially when his days were divided into two teaching sessions, the only days that were different were Tuesdays when Jonghyun had a break from teaching. It was the only day when he got to do arms training, and Tuesdays had been his favourite day, until he had met his new student, Taemin.
Jonghyun wasn’t sure what it was about Taemin that sparked his interest, but somehow he did. Maybe it was the way that Taemin glanced around the room during the study session, the way his eyes flickered everywhere and the way he fidgeted with his things. Maybe it was just because he reminded Jonghyun of himself, when he was studying but Taemin was still different, and because of that Jonghyun was curious to find out why and if he was like him.
The sky was overcast and grey just like their dull grey uniforms and Jonghyun breathed out slowly as he walked down the path. No one was out at the time, except for the guards, who stood as silent as statues. The only sound Jonghyun could hear was the sound of his shoes scraping across the stones, and glancing out at the city made him feel odd. There should be noise, there should be more noise. Jonghyun shuddered and glanced up at the dead sky again, noting how even the sky was even as if it was just a piece of grey canvas stretched across the sky.
Jonghyun had to remind himself of the fact that he only had a few more months before the rotation shift and he would hopefully get something better. First years had basic training, where they studied a lot of history and maths, science. Each day was allocated for a different subject and either the morning or afternoon was devoted to study. The other shift was some form of arms training, in the beginning it was usually marching practice. But as the year progressed the first years learned more advanced skills, and some were even lucky enough to learn how to shoot or blow up things.
The second year was similar to the first except that there was more physical training, and a lot of combat training. From the third year, they entered the rotation system which meant a year of one job before being swapped into something new. One of Jonghyun’s friends, Kibum had been lucky to be stuck in the kitchen, which meant lots of spare food and almost no serious training for a year. Jonghyun (and Jinki) on the other hand got stuck tutoring. But Jonghyun was starting to think maybe it was better to get that out of the way first, considering he still had five more years of rotational jobs. If he did well, Jonghyun would have better chances later to earn more money and be able to afford even more expensive possessions. Jonghyun straightened up and smiled, trying to think of something else as he approached the building where he lived. It was just another day to get through.
««« - »»»
Taemin was disappointed that it took a month before he could go out shopping with Jonghyun and Jinki. Jonghyun had kept making cryptic comments about timing and just confused Taemin so much. But now they were finally going out, Taemin bounced around looking at Jinki and his tall friend, Minho. Minho seemed pretty quiet and stuck pretty close to Jinki as they walked through the base grounds. Jonghyun was silent beside him and it scared Taemin a little.
“Going out shopping?” The guard grinned across at them and winked at Jonghyun when he nodded. “Yeah, I heard there is a sale tonight.”
“Yeah, been saving up my wages,” Jonghyun rubbed his hands together, “Although I don’t wanna spend it all tonight, I’m saving up for something real special.”
“Totally.” The guard grinned back at Jonghyun, waving them through. Taemin’s senses felt as if they were exploding as bright flashing lights filled his vision. The sky wasn’t black here, it was pulsing and glowing with colour, and Taemin blinked eyeing all the flashing neon signs and the way they all seemed to shout “Buy me! You need me! I’ll make you happy!”
They walked down street after street with pushy men shouting at them, pushing gaudy baubles into their faces. Jonghyun mostly ignored them, heading for the building with the busiest sign Taemin had ever seen. It had huge flashing lights and the silhouettes of woman. Taemin stared up, his jaw dropping open as they entered, he couldn’t help but wonder what this place was. It wasn’t like any of the other places Taemin had been shopping in. Everything seemed to shine and gleam, even if it was a little bit tacky, it made Taemin want to adjust his (awful) grey clothes and try to look more presentable. Taemin felt like a country bumpkin, which was pathetic considering he’d used to live in the city and now after almost a year it all seemed new and strange to him.
Taemin blindly began to follow Jinki and Minho who walked over towards a manned counter until he felt a tug on his sleeve and he turned to see Jonghyun shaking his head. Frowning Taemin gestured towards them, wondering why Jinki and Minho were going in but they were not.
“Taemin, it’s a hotel. You know what that is right?” Taemin frowned and then nodded, of course he knew what a hotel was. Taemin glanced back to see Jinki and Minho talking to the man, and he wondered what they sold here. After all they were going shopping right? With another frown their way, he left Jonghyun drag him back out onto the street.
“What… what… are we doing?”
“Shopping.” Jonghyun flashed Taemin a soft smile, “It’s gotta seem authentic.”
“Authentic… but why I mean that’s why we’re here, to shop.” Taemin stared back at Jonghyun, eyes widening when the older boy began to laugh at him.
“No, not really. You’ll see later Taemin when we get back here.” Taemin stared back at the hotel, pouting as he struggled to remember everything he heard about hotels, he felt as if something was on the tip of his tongue.
««« - »»»
Three hours later and Taemin was relieved to arrive back at the hotel. His arms ached from all of the shopping bags, and his eyes hurt when he looked inside at all the flashy glittering things they had bought. Taemin couldn’t stop smiling when he thought about how pretty his wardrobe would be now. Taemin hoped his years of work went fast because he was really looking forward to wearing the pretty clothes in his closet. Of course, gorgeous branded clothes were only for once you had fulfilled your countries duty, and then you could be happy and truly enjoy your possessions.
Taemin was too tired to be nervous, but he still wriggled around on his feet as Jonghyun knocked on the door. Taemin had given up trying to remember the rumours about hotels. The door opened and Taemin, felt his jaw drop when he saw Jinki dressed only in a light grey robe, his hair wet and hanging limply around his face. It hit him then and Taemin wanted to groan for being so stupid. Hotels sold sex. Taemin remembered being told how the military frequented hotels for sex. Taemin felt his cheeks heat, and he avoided Jonghyun’s gaze, feeling both sick and slightly excited as he wondered why Jonghyun had brought him here.
A movement made him look up and Taemin didn’t think his cheeks could burn any more when he saw that Minho was clad only in a towel, his torso and chest covered in what looked like bruises. Taemin could hear Jonghyun laughing but he was too mortified to see why. For a moment Taemin was glad that he had gone shopping with Jonghyun first, he didn’t think he could’ve coped otherwise. Taemin sucked in a deep breath and told himself to calm down, they were all adults after all.
“Come in,” Jinki grinned holding the door wider, “You guys were pretty fast, luckily… we uh finished our um business.” Taemin blinked trying to work out if they had slept together or with prostitutes but then he saw Minho reached for Jinki’s hand and the way Jinki leaned across to press kisses into Minho’s bare shoulders. Taemin felt his face heat again, and he didn’t know where to look.
“Are you ready Taemin?” Jonghyun practically screamed and Taemin froze in shock, wondering what he was about to be subjected to.
“Listen, what we’re about to show you, is strictly confidential. You must not tell anyone.” Jonghyun warned him, “It’s illegal too. So please do not tell a single soul about it.” Taemin nodded when he saw the three solemn faces nodding and staring hopefully at him. With his heart thumping in his chest, he promised and Jonghyun took a drop of his blood to hold him to his promise.
««« - »»»
“So our shopping,” Taemin started to speak, but Jonghyun clamped a hand over his mouth. Warm palm pushed solid against Taemin’s lips. Taemin narrowed and widened his eyes, trying to make Jonghyun step back which he did after a few seconds.
“We had a great time.” Jonghyun stared seriously down at Taemin, “There is nothing more to say. End of story.” Taemin sighed and just nodded, tilting his head down to look at his paper.
“Um, okay let’s do a spelling test.” Jonghyun announced, making Taemin squirm because he hated spelling with a passion. Taemin could barely concentrate he kept staring up at Jonghyun. Tutor Jonghyun he was beginning to realise was very different from the Jonghyun from the other night. Jinki was much the same, except that he smiled a lot more. But Jonghyun wasn’t, and Taemin wished he could be like him.
“Taemin, you’re not really in the mood are you?”
“No, sorry.” Taemin pouted, “I’ll try harder?”
“Nah, fuck it. Let’s play cards, it’s not like anyone actually checks your progress.” Jonghyun smirked and pulled out a deck of cards. Taemin couldn’t help but grin across at Jonghyun, feeling relieved to have the older male as one of his tutors.
««« - »»»
Taemin could see the boy in front of him wobbling on his feet. He wanted to step forward and correct his pose, but Taemin knew he would get in trouble so he ignored it. Taemin gritted his teeth, noticing more students who seemed to struggle to stand still or move their feet into the right pose. It wasn’t difficult, he couldn’t understand why everyone else seemed to struggle.
“Lee Taemin! Perfect!”
Taemin shrank down slightly, wishing he could sink into the floor as he felt the other students eyeing him and outright staring. He wanted to shout that he was sorry, but the weight of their drill sergeants eyes on him made him just stand there with a blank face. Taemin sucked in a deep breath when the eyes finally left him and they settled into their routine of marching.
Taemin’s mind wandered and he thought of why some things were banned. He blamed Jonghyun, ever since he had begun to hang out with him, a list of banned goods and items began to filter through his head. Taemin wondered why singing your own songs was banned, or why dancing was banned. Sometimes it seemed as if anything creative was banned because the first week Taemin was there a student had been found writing his own thoughts and stories down in his tablet.
The bonfire had blazed for hours burning away his possessions, Taemin had watched with pity, his pile of beautiful clothes and shoes. Taemin could still remember the boy’s pale face, and his terrified sobs as they dragged him away. Taemin didn’t know what they actually did to people like that, but he doubted they survived considering there was a death notice for him a week later. Taemin faltered slightly, feeling slightly scared when he thought of what Jonghyun, Jinki and Minho were doing, and now he was implicated too.
The marching seemed to go a lot faster when he was lost in his thoughts. Before long he was marching back to his dorm room, passing by the slogans that reminded him to save up and buy for the future. That money wasn’t needed now (or later) but clothes and goods were needed. By the time he reached his room, Taemin opened his closets and fingered the fine robes and clothes. Every so often he wondered if he should’ve got a larger size, what if they didn’t fit him when he was finally allowed to wear them? But when he’d asked about that, his sergeant had told him it wouldn’t be a problem.
Taemin figured his sergeant was right, after all when he saw the videos of people happily enjoying their retirement (and the clothes and goods they had accumulated over the years), they were all skinny and beautiful. Taemin slid the clothes back in, remembering that he could always have surgery after all, then the clothes would most definitely fit.
««« - »»»
The next time they went shopping, Jonghyun opened the door to the hotel room and Taemin peered in to see Minho lying on the floor with Jinki hovering over him. Taemin tried to tug Jonghyun backwards to give them privacy, but Jonghyun stepped in anyway.
“Try again,” Jinki mumbled and Taemin watched as Jinki practically crouched over Minho, his hands pressing against his chest firmly.
“What are they doing?” Taemin whispered tugging on Jonghyun’s sleeve.
“Exercises.” Jonghyun grinned, “Wanna do them too?” Taemin shook his head, but Jonghyun started instructing him on how to breathe in and how to position himself. Before long Taemin found himself standing in a certain way with Jonghyun instructing him to make crazy sounds, Taemin blushed when he looked over and met Minho’s gaze.
“It’s awkward isn’t it?” Minho smiled at him, “But I like it when Jinki teaches me things.”
“He’s my tutor too,” Taemin glanced around seeing how Jonghyun and Jinki were getting set up.
“Oh, he’s not my actual tutor.” Minho admitted, “but he teaches me lots of other things.” Taemin nodded, resisting the urge to say that he had guessed that from how close they were. Minho was incredibly good looking Taemin thought, even with the short hair and next to Jinki they looked perfect in a way. It made something tighten in Taemin’s chest when he gazed across at them both.
A knocking on the door made Taemin freeze in shock, would they be killed just for being in the hotel room together? A touch made Taemin glance over to see Jinki touching his arm lightly, and Taemin wondered if his fear had been visible.
“Hey!” Jonghyun exclaimed as another boy entered, Taemin stared curiously at him, feeling sad when he saw Jonghyun fling his arms around the boy. “You came! I missed you!” Taemin stared at Jonghyun’s muscular arms encasing the skinny boy, and he just felt so awkward, like an intruder. He had been wrong about everything. The previous time he thought this was about sex but he had been wrong. Why was he even here?
“Taemin, this is Kibum, or Key.” Jonghyun beamed across at Taemin, his arm still slung casually around Kibum’s waist. Taemin didn’t like the way Kibum eyed him, but he offered a small smile back at him, he should at least be polite.
“We’re gonna start,” Jinki announced a minute later, “That okay?” He held Minho’s hand and pulled him closer to the bed and television. Taemin just watched as Jonghyun nodded his head, before reaching for Taemin. Taemin felt incredibly awkward when Jonghyun made him lie on the floor, giving him soft instructions and then he was leaning in to close and pawing his chest. Taemin froze, lying stiffly there as Jonghyun’s face hovered above his, the warmth of Jonghyun’s breath shifting across Taemin’s shoulder bones. It was almost unbearable the way heat pooled in his lower body, and Taemin felt so ashamed as Jonghyun’s dark eyes locked on his, hands touching his chest.
“You’re so skinny,” Jonghyun whispered, hand pressing against his nipple. Taemin could feel his heart thumping loudly, it even drowned out the noise that Jinki and Minho were making. It felt as if the whole world was concentrated in that moment of Jonghyun’s hand pressed to his chest and his eyes locked on Taemin’s.
“Stop molesting him,” Kibum’s voice shattered the moment, and Taemin sucked in a deep breath. He couldn’t decide if he should glare at Kibum or offer him a thankful smile.
««« - »»»
“Why did Jonghyun start this group?” Taemin whispered in a rare moment that he was alone with Jinki. He could hear Jonghyun and Minho arguing about something, Jonghyun’s voice was loud as always.
“Because he wants to be free,” Jinki shrugged, “Someone like him will always find a way to stretch or break the rules.”
“How… did he even know about singing?” Taemin asked, glancing over to see Kibum watching intently.
“It wasn’t banned when we were little.” Jinki admitted, “we used to go for singing lessons together.” Taemin could see the sadness in Jinki’s eyes when he said that.
“It wasn’t liked, but it wasn’t illegal either.”
“But why?”
“Because singing has the power to move someone, and it’s something they can’t control, feelings or emotions.” Taemin nodded, his head hurt thinking about all these things but then he thought of how he felt when Jonghyun sang. It filled him with happiness and made him want to get up and caper around the room freely.
“And they want us to buy things to make us happy. Happiness is only in buying something.” Taemin blinked and turned back to look at Jinki again.
“But it does make us happy,” Taemin frowned, “I feel happy when I buy things.”
“But it’s not really happiness, Taemin. What did you feel when Jonghyun sang?”
“Light, airy like I could float up into the sky. I don’t know it made me want to jump around and go crazy. I guess I felt happy too.” Jinki smiled gently across at Taemin, patting his hand lightly.
“Jonghyun can teach you how to sing too, just be patient.”
“I just don’t get why he’s doing this now? Why not in the future when he’s retired?” Taemin frowned when he saw the way Jinki’s eyes glazed over, and he looked as if he was about to cry.
“Taemin, have you ever seen a retired person?” Taemin shook his head, scoffing slightly, and wondering if Jinki was stupid.
“Of course not! They go to the Heavenly Isles, they don’t live here with us, I thought everyone knew that!”
“But where is it?” Jinki asked a moment later, “Look at a map of the world next time you see one.” Taemin nodded and said he would do that happily. Taemin stared at Jonghyun and Jinki carefully, wondering how they knew so much stuff.
“They’re super observant.” Kibum smiled across at Taemin, “That’s why. We all have to be because we don’t want to get caught.” Taemin’s head felt as if it was going to explode, when Jonghyun handed him a microphone so he could try singing, he felt the pressure in his head go down a little. Taemin’s voice was weak and feeble, but he still felt so much better even if he was sure he sounded terrible.
««« - »»»
What Jinki had said ate away at Taemin until he felt as if he had a gaping hole in his middle. One night he woke up and stumbled across the floor, squinting in the light until he had his tablet out on the table. Taemin sat down, trying to ignore his heart and the way his body just wanted to go back to sleep. Taemin looked at a map of the world, his fingers tracing over the continents and oceans. Taemin frowned and looked again, and when he failed to find anything he did a search on his tablet, which came up with nothing. It was as if the Heavenly Isles didn’t even exist. Taemin scoffed and went back to bed, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
It must be on another planet, or maybe it is another planet! There were all those rumours about space travel before I came here. That must be how they get there. Taemin shut his eyes and tried to stop thinking about it, It’s so weird why do they make us buy possessions now, why don’t we just save up the money and spend it when we get to the other planet? Taemin sighed and rolled onto his side, biting his lip, How did Jonghyun and Jinki even work out these things anyway? I’m sure there is more to it than being observant.
««« - »»»
“I think we need to be careful with Taemin,” Minho whispered into Jinki’s ear in their shared room. He wasn’t taking any chances in case the room was bugged. They were usually careful with what they said, even if it was their room.
“Why?” Jinki looked genuinely surprised when he gazed up at Minho, his hand inching under Minho’s grey tunic to stroke down his spine. Minho sucked in a deep breath, shaking his head when Jinki’s fingers splayed across his skin igniting every nerve in his body.
“Because,” Minho brushed his lips against Jinki’s neck, breathing heavily against Jinki’s skin until he could feel the older shuddering against him. “He asks too many questions.” Minho’s eyes slid shut, his body felt pulled tight as Jinki’s hand pressed lower. Minho felt himself slipping between the cracks, losing control of everything but the way Jinki felt pressed against him.
“I don’t wanna talk about him anymore.” Jinki whispered, pushing Minho onto his back as he settled next to him. The way Jinki’s eyes glimmered, and he eyed Minho so hungrily forced Minho to bite down into his lip to stifle his moan. Minho reached for Jinki, squeezing his eyes shut as he pulled Jinki over him, the weight of his body and the sharp points of Jinki’s hips increased the throbbing between his legs. Minho wanted Jinki so much, it was almost unbearable and the heat of Jinki’s mouth made him whimper quietly needing even more of Jinki. Each press of Jinki’s lips made Minho’s nerves tingle, warmth slipping right into his body and making him cling desperately to Jinki.
(Sometimes Minho thought it was more perfect like this, when they were aligned together in the darkness. Their sweaty bodies tangled together and the way they held everything back, their moans even the slick sounds of their bodies moving in time. But Minho liked the slow build up, the way the heat inside of him was stoked and then it stayed burning hot for so long until Minho thought he would combust, and it kept growing until it was almost unbearable the pleasure almost making lose all coherent thought until they shattered completely.)
««« - »»»
Taemin felt restless when he woke up, his body seemed to ache oddly and he could feel heat pooling in his lower body. Taemin sighed and rolled onto his side, he hated feeling like this. He hated having these kinds of needs when it was just him. Taemin felt his cheeks heat when he thought about the markings he had seen across Minho’s body, and it just made the ache increase even more. Taemin bit his lip and slid a hand down his stomach, hissing softly when he pressed into his pyjama bottoms, his hand grasping his length. Taemin shut his eyes as he began to touch himself, biting into his lip until he heard a bang on his door.
Taemin’s eyes shot open and he sat up, his face burning with shame when he suddenly saw a sleepy, messy haired Jinki stumbling into his room. Taemin didn’t know where to look and he pulled his knees up hugging them to his chest.
“Hello.” Jinki frowned across at Taemin, “I was just woken up to give you a message.” Taemin frowned and shifted forward to take the slip of paper from Jinki’s hand. Taemin’s hands shook slightly as he unfolded the piece of paper, eyes widening as he read it.
Lee Taemin,
This is your first warning! The search request you made last night is illegal, cease all inquiries into that topic unless you want to be expelled from the system.
The second warning will not be so pleasant, and it will be your final warning.
Colonel Crawford, Esset.
Taemin’s fingers shook, he couldn’t stop shivering as the paper slid out of his fingers. Taemin couldn’t move and he sat there frozen until Jinki was wrapping arms around him and asking him what happened. Taemin couldn’t think, he felt as if he was drowning, the water coming up over his head and flooding his body. Taemin didn’t know how long he sat there with Jinki patting his back softly.
««« - »»»
Jonghyun smiled as he marched down the corridors, saluting to everyone he saw. His thoughts kept bouncing back to Taemin, he felt so glad that he had introduced him to their little singing club. Illegal it was, but Jonghyun was very careful not to get caught and plus he made sure to keep his eyes and ears open to pick up anything unusual that was going around.
He could still remember when they first arrived, how he and Jinki had rushed into their rooms before they were finished preparing them. Jinki had come running into Jonghyun’s with a frown, saying that maybe he had the wrong room because there were still possessions in his room as if someone was living there. It looked as if someone had just stepped out, the tablet was on the table, and a half full glass. Jonghyun blinked when he realised his room was the same and he remembered how they had been ordered to stay out of the rooms for the time being.
“Maybe we should come back later?” Jonghyun whispered and they snuck downstairs again.
It sent shivers down Jonghyun’s spine when he returned and found the room silent and empty. He told himself that the occupant had just been slow to move out of the room. But then Jinki had found out the occupants of their rooms and a notice that they had an early promotion and were taken to the Heavenly Isles early. It didn’t quite sit right with Jonghyun though because he couldn’t understand why they hadn’t taken their clothes and possessions with them, or why it had looked like they had just walked out of the rooms and never returned.
Since then Jonghyun had been extra careful to seem absolutely normal and unaware of what was going on around him. He smiled a lot and hung out with the other guys and he made sure to go shopping with different people and to be seen with prostitutes in hotels, just like everyone else. Even Jinki and Minho did the same, although Jonghyun was pretty sure they didn’t actually sleep with them.
Jonghyun halted when he looked up and saw Taemin walking towards him, his uniform all neat and tidy but he looked tired and exhausted. Jonghyun could see the bags under his eyes, and it was hard to ignore him, and it was odd because he looked so pretty. Jonghyun couldn’t help but think Taemin didn’t belong there, none of them did, but he really didn’t.
“Hello Taemin.” Jonghyun offered Taemin a small smile, feeling his heart jump when Taemin beamed across at him, his cheeks turning a faint red.
“Hello,” Taemin flapped his arms about as if he didn’t know quite what to do with them. “Sorry, uh, I have to go.” Jonghyun watched him go, his perfect posture making it a delight to watch him walk. Jonghyun swallowed when he thought of the sinuous way Taemin had moved in the hotel the last time. He said he didn’t know what he was doing, just his body wanted to move that way. Jonghyun had to shake his head to clear his thoughts and remind himself to keep on walking, he couldn’t start feeling that way about Taemin.
««« - »»»
“You know, you’re the only one.” Taemin mumbled as he sat on the edge of the bed, listening to Jinki sing something sweet and soft to Minho.
“Eh?”
“Who saw me. Who went out of their way to talk to me.” Taemin nodded his head, feeling happy when Jonghyun shifted closer to him. “Thank you, and I’m sorry for not being careful. I will be more careful I promise.” Jonghyun patted Taemin’s knee, making Taemin tense as he sat there.
“I don’t know how people don’t see you, I really don’t.” Jonghyun frowned, “You seemed really bright to me, even in that grey uniform.” Taemin felt his cheeks warm and he dropped his head down avoiding Jonghyun’s gaze.
“Anyway, I don’t understand how you and Jinki know so much stuff. Aren’t you worried we’ll get caught?”
“I guess,” Taemin glanced over, shocked to hear how calm and relaxed Jonghyun sounded, “Maybe I want to get caught.” Taemin’s head shot up and he gaped across at Jonghyun.
“What?”
“Well do you really want to work in this mundane job for god knows how long?” Jonghyun frowned across at Taemin, “Be stuck in this grey colourless world for the best years of our lives. And then what happens, we die?” Taemin felt his head spinning as Jonghyun ranted, his eyes seemed to be full of sparks when Taemin stared into them.
“I’m starting to think that it’s all lies. Why do we have to use up our wages now? Why can’t we buy clothes later when we supposedly retire? And why do people disappear, I’m starting to think when we’re no longer useful they just kill us and sell our possessions again.” Taemin was shaking and he shifted closer to Jonghyun needing to feel his warmth. He couldn’t think straight, he wanted to scream and just tell Jonghyun to shut up, but instead he just sat there listening.
“I mean Jinki saw the clothes that were hanging in his room in the shops one day. How did he know they were the same you probably wonder?” Taemin bit his lip and nodded when Jonghyun looked over, hands suddenly wrapped around Taemin’s body pulling him in close.
“Shit, I’m sorry Taemin.” Jonghyun whispered, his hands felt so secure against Taemin’s back, and Jonghyun’s breath made him feel better. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” Taemin tried to hold back his tears as Jonghyun hugged him tighter.
“I don’t want you to die,” Taemin whispered, “I don’t want them to hurt you.” Taemin curled his fingers into Jonghyun’s shirt.
“Taemin, I just want to be free.” Taemin felt shivers slide down his spine from the way Jonghyun whispered his name, and he burrowed deeper against Jonghyun, burying his face in against his chest. Taemin could smell and feel Jonghyun all around him and he just wanted to stay there forever.
««« - »»»
“What if it’s not as bad out there as they tell us it is?” Jonghyun slung an arm around Taemin’s shoulder, holding the microphone steady in his hand and making his voice echo in the room. Taemin winced from the loudness, feeling the way his heart sped up and seemed to beat harder when Jonghyun pulled him in close.
“What if it is.” Taemin countered, “We’re in the best place possible.”
“But how do we know it?” Jonghyun frowned, “We’re controlled all the fucking time. I fucking hate it.” Taemin shrugged Jonghyun’s arm off him wishing he didn’t feel so awkward after the last time when he had clung to Jonghyun.
“But how do you know it’s any better out there?” Taemin argued back, flopping down on the bed. His heart felt heavy and uneasy, he hated the way it was beating so rapidly and oddly. Taemin felt as if something bad was going to happen, he could feel it in the air, in the tension that seemed to be building amongst everyone.
“Maybe it isn’t, but at least I’ll be free.” Jonghyun’s voice sounded small and so insignificant that it made Taemin glance up when he realised that Jonghyun had turned the microphone off. “I want to see the sky and not be in this fucking place surrounded by grey.”
“I want to be able to run like an idiot, instead being confined to marching or walking.” Taemin felt a pang in his heart as he heard the bitterness in Jonghyun’s voice. It cut through him until Taemin felt as if he was responsible, as if he had chained Jonghyun in place.
“I’m sorry.” Taemin bit his lip, “Is it so wrong for me to want you guys to live?”
“But that’s the thing, we’re not really living.”
“Cut it out Jonghyun.” Taemin tensed when he felt Kibum sitting next to him, his arm heavy around his waist. “You’re freaking Taemin out.”
“I’m fine,” Taemin argued back, pouting when Kibum shot raised one eyebrow as if to say he didn’t believe it.
“Okay, you’re fine. But I’m sick of heavy topics like that. We’re here to sing illegally, so let’s fucking do it.” Kibum suggested with a grin and he reached for the second microphone handing it to Taemin. Taemin sucked in a deep breath and stood up. Jonghyun offered him a small smile as he pushed play on the television and the recorded video began to play. Taemin felt a lot better when Jonghyun sang with him, although the mushy lyrics made his cheeks heat and he avoided looking over to where Jinki and Minho were huddled together. Taemin focussed on Jonghyun instead, watching the way his eyes seemed to light up when he sang and he seemed so much more energetic. It hurt when Taemin realised that Jonghyun was right, he wasn’t alive in the facility, he was just a shell of himself, like a bus that drives around without a single passenger.
««« - »»»
Taemin knew he was pathetic, but Jonghyun was eating away at his insides in a way that was unbearable. He couldn’t handle it and so he stopped going singing. It was supposed to get better now that Jonghyun wasn’t his tutor anymore. But if anything it felt as if he had grown a twin, a silent, dark shadow that hung around and followed him, throwing darkness over everything. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop thinking about the singing and Jonghyun’s words, they echoed through his head. Even when he was stuck in the library trying to find information for his essay, Jonghyun bothered him.
“I want to be free.”
“I want to run like an idiot.”
It made Taemin scrunch up his eyes and try to remember how life had been before he came here. Because he had been out there, but all Taemin could remember was the greyness, and the squalor, it had been horrible compared to here. But Taemin had seen gates, once when he walked too far and he ended up in some strange area. He had seen a huge fence and beyond it he could see green, but the gate was locked and the wall tall enough to keep anyone out (or anyone in really).
Taemin had heard the sea was beyond the gate, but he’d never really believed it. He figured it must be an even more desolate place out there otherwise why else would they have that gate there? The gate was surely to protect them and their luxury. Not that he had known luxury, Taemin found it interesting that close to the military base everything did look clean and expensive. But further away things disintegrated and looked shabby, and cheap, Taemin assumed it was because those people couldn’t afford to buy anything. The streets there were full of poor people begging. Taemin shook his head to make the images go away, he didn’t want to remember that.
He was lucky. He was so lucky to have been chosen to be accepted into this prestigious place. Taemin told himself that, he was special and one of the rare people allowed to accumulate wealth and possessions. He could afford to buy expensive and beautiful things for his retirement and he would go to the Heavenly Isles. Taemin hated how he could hear Jonghyun’s voice in the back of his head, but what if it’s all lies? What if you’re being brainwashed Taemin?
Taemin frowned and stood up, not caring if he was making a scene or disturbing the library. He needed fresh air, he needed to get out. Taemin shoved his stuff into his bag, and he practically bolted for the door, only to be grabbed by the elbow. Taemin froze until he realised it was Jinki.
“Taemin, please come shopping with me,” Jinki pleaded, and Taemin shook his head.
“Jonghyun needs to talk to you, it’s important. And he misses you.” Taemin scoffed and just rolled his eyes, ignoring the way Jinki just looked at him with that damn smile that seemed to say, “I see you Taemin. I know you care.” Worst thing was that it was true, Taemin hated his traitorous heart for beating faster at Jinki’s words.
“Fine.” Taemin tapped his foot impatiently, “I’ll come one last time.”
««« - »»»
Taemin frowned when he received the notice that there was going to be a meeting. They usually only held meetings once or twice a year and they’d had one not that long ago. Jonghyun had told him to be there and to be prepared. Taemin had felt his heart thud, his palms sweaty as he wondered what Jonghyun meant. Taemin wasn’t sure how to act around Jonghyun anymore. It had been awkward after avoiding Jonghyun. Jonghyun kept glancing sadly across at him but he didn’t try to talk to Taemin. Instead he just hogged the microphone and sung soft songs that tugged away inside of Taemin’s chest. It was only at the end that Jonghyun had spoken those cryptic words to him.
The hall was crowded when Taemin sat down, a sea of shaved heads and grey uniforms. His eyes widened in shock when Sergeant Crawford appeared on the stage with Jonghyun next to him. Taemin began to shiver when he saw how silent and pale Jonghyun looked. Oh shit, they’ve got him. What are they going to do to him? Taemin wanted to scream and cry when he saw the Sergeant smirking and he pushed Jonghyun forward. Jonghyun stumbled and almost fell, and Taemin felt as if his heart was breaking. Taemin hated himself for ignoring Jonghyun all those weeks, his heart felt as if it was about to be ripped out. He wanted to scream at Jonghyun to run, to be fucking free.
“Cadet Kim has something to say to you all.”
“Actually,” Jonghyun straightened up and looked Sergeant Crawford right in the eye, “I want to say it to you.” Taemin gasped and stiffened in his seat when he saw how the Sergeant’s face tightened. Taemin’s eyes widened when he saw Jonghyun unbutton his shirt, tugging it off and letting it drop to the floor, leaving him clad in a white singlet only. Taemin stared at his body briefly before the horror of what was happening hit him and he focussed on the words being spoken.
“I quit! I quit my job here! I will give up my wages and possessions and go back out into the tenements.” Taemin’s eyes widened when he heard the Sergeant begin to laugh. Taemin felt rooted to the spot, his heart thudding uncontrollably as the awful laughter rolled over him.
“That’s ridiculous! Why would you give up your excellent job here?” He sneered, “You do realise that if you leave here, you’ll earn no money. You’ll be a stupid plebeian with no chances and no chance of anything. Anyway, it’s illegal you can’t leave here, until you retire.” The Sergeant looked quite smug but Jonghyun straightened up and Taemin couldn’t think of anything but Jonghyun. Stupid, silly Jonghyun, who wanted to be free and who made Taemin’s chest ache oddly.
“It’s not illegal. I asked the Colonel,” Jonghyun smirked, and then held up a document, “This clause states that we are free to quit as long as we do so without any of our possessions.” Jonghyun handed the document over to the Sergeant who stared in wonder at it and Taemin could see that he was stunned into silence.
“So who is coming with me?” Jonghyun shouted, and Taemin’s eyes widened even more when he stripped down completely. Taemin couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jonghyun’s muscular body, and the way he stood there so proudly as if he wasn’t standing completely naked in front of 500 people. Taemin wanted to stand up, but his legs were shaking so much, and he couldn’t move until he saw Jinki and Minho appear next to Jonghyun on the stage. Taemin swallowed and stood up, fingers shaking as he began to unbutton his shirt, he had just reached the end of the aisle when someone grabbed his wrist.
“Taemin!” Kibum hissed, “Took you fucking long enough.” Taemin bit his lip, opening his mouth to speak, but Kibum just shook his head and dragged him forwards. Taemin felt mortified standing on the stage in nothing, but it was over before too long, one of the Captains ushering them forward and telling them to just leave. Taemin could feel the weight of the audience on them, and he could see they didn’t understand any of it.
They walked forward and Jonghyun was suddenly reaching for Taemin’s hand, holding it tightly in his own. Taemin felt better then, and biting his lip he stepped forward his heart thumping loudly in his chest. He had no idea what would happen, would they even make it out alive? It was hard to ignore the urge to just run, and Taemin had to suppress the urge to be sick.
“How… why…” Taemin whispered as he clung to Jonghyun’s hand, “What if they just kill us all?”
“But they’d be breaking the law if they did that,” Jonghyun smiled smugly across at Taemin. “Why… I did it for you.” Taemin squeezed Jonghyun’s hand tighter about to tell him to just shut up and stop pretending for his sake.
“You said you didn’t want me to die, and I realised I didn’t want to either. I was going to have as much fun as I could and then just die. I figured a short happy life was better than all of this mundane shit.” Taemin could feel Jonghyun’s body right next to him, the heat making him feel calm even as they marched naked out of the facility.
“But… maybe they’ll kill us. And even if they don’t, what will we do? There is nothing out here.”
“There are shops and hotels,” Jonghyun reminded Taemin, “And people live out here too, those that don’t make it into the military.”
“Yes but there is no hope,” Taemin frowned, “and they can’t afford to buy anything.” Taemin glanced forward at Jinki and Minho, the way they held hands tightly and walked so lightly as if they were really happy. Taemin felt scared when he felt as if they had walked for a really long time, past so many things. He felt as if they were really were being taken to their deaths.
“So?” Kibum snapped next to Taemin, “it’s gotta be better than being stuck in here. We’ll be free to do what we want.” Taemin’s eyes widened when Kibum grabbed his other hand and held it tightly.
“I’m sure it will all work out,” Jonghyun smiled across at Taemin, “I believe it will.” Jonghyun nodded and gripped Taemin’s hand tighter as they reached the outer gate, the high grey wall towered over them, crushing Taemin’s thoughts. Taemin felt as if his heart was going to explode as they stood there waiting for the gate to open, the guards turned their backs on them when the gate was open. Taemin sucked in a deep breath as he saw Jinki and Minho hold hands with Kibum, so they stood in a straight line and then Jinki was stepping forward leading them back out into the unknown.
««« - »»»
the end.
Poll Boiled Frogs