[Fic] By a Thread
By a Thread (PG/profanity, reference to violence | ~7800 words)
After the Battle of Hogwarts, Remus has a choice to make...with a little help from some old friends. DH spoilers; AU. Bushels of thanks to my beta, jncar, for her excellent comments and suggestions. The rt_challenge prompts used for this story were #9, cheat, and #31, the end; you have been warned.
Part 1 of this story was posted last August for rt_challenge, and the conclusion was first posted here in November. I've since revised the story a little for posting at fanfiction.net, which consisted of adding chapter titles, dividing the original Part 2 into two chapters, and making minor edits to chapters 2 and 3 so that the two plot threads would fit together better. Those changes are now incorporated here as well.
By a Thread
1. Losing
[also here at rt_challenge]
Headache. Merlin, it hurts. Like knives and sledgehammers at the same time.
The stabbing pain made it hard to think, but there was a sick, urgent feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she knew there was something dreadfully important. Something she absolutely had to do.
Tonks fought to remember. She'd been looking for someone-
Remus.
Bellatrix.
Her eyes snapped open and her fingers scrabbled desperately for her wand, even as her sluggish brain was realizing that it couldn't possibly matter anymore-Bellatrix must not still be there, or Tonks would already be dead.
She blinked a few times, waiting for her vision to clear. No fire, no falling rocks, no panicked shouting. No battle. She seemed to be in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. And then a pale Black face with wide grey eyes swam into view after all, leaning over her anxiously. But it was the wrong sister.
Thank heavens.
"Mum?" Her voice came out as a rasping whisper.
"Nymphadora! You're awake!" Mum snatched up Tonks's hand and held it to her cheek, and a tear or two squeezed out between her lashes. "The fight is over, love. Harry Potter's done it. You-Know-Who-V-Voldemort-is dead."
Tonks's throat was raw, probably from all the shouting she'd been doing at the battle, and maybe from breathing too much dust and smoke. But there were things she had to ask. "I was fighting Bellatrix... What happened?"
"She's dead, too." Her mother's face was suddenly hard and fierce. "She'll never threaten our family again."
Tonks shuddered, remembering the scrawny, malevolent owl that had found her as she stood over Teddy's crib. The fact that it had penetrated the security spells around her mother's house was ominous enough, but the message it brought frightened her more than anything she had ever seen. That's right, hide at home with your half-breed spawn and see if it does you any good. I will find the werewolf at Hogwarts, and I will kill him myself. And then I will come for you, and your brat, and your blood-traitor mother. The Black family tree will be pruned.
"I wanted to kill her."
"From what I hear, you came awfully close." Mum gave a little laugh, but halfway through, it caught in her throat and turned into a sob. "You had her cornered, didn't you? I'm told she shot a Killing Curse at you, but you-you tripped, and hit your head on a piece of fallen masonry. Only, Bella thought it was her curse that got you, so she ran off and left you lying there." Mum blinked, hard. "Everyone thought you were dead, until the fighting was over and Poppy Pomfrey found a pulse..."
So the clumsiness that was the bane of her existence had probably saved her life. It should've been funny. But somehow, Tonks had no mental energy to spare for humour just now.
The Black family tree will be pruned.
She looked around wildly, half-expecting her husband to be standing there with their son in his arms, ready to start scolding her for coming to the battle-for losing to Bellatrix again-for being unconscious and worrying everyone.
But Mum was the only one here.
Tonks clutched at her mother's hand. "Where's Remus? And Teddy? Tell me Bellatrix didn't find them!"
"Teddy's at home," said Mum quickly. "He's fine. A few friends of Harry's offered to look after him so that I could stay with you."
Her baby was safe. Tonks closed her eyes and clung, for just a moment, to that one piece of happy news. But even so, the bottom was falling out of her world, because of the question that her mother hadn't answered. She looked up, straight into Mum's grey gaze, full of sympathy overlaid with the pain of her own all too recent loss.
"Remus is dead, isn't he," Tonks whispered.
She didn't quite know how she'd forced her own mouth to shape those words, words that she'd never really believed-no matter how much she'd pretended to be ready for anything in this war-never really believed she'd have a reason to say. Not for, oh, another hundred years, anyway.
But her mother was shaking her head slowly, biting her lip. "It's-it's not clear."
. * . * .
Lily took advantage of a quiet moment to curl up under a shady tree and have a look at Harry through her scrying-glass. She still couldn't quite believe how close she'd been able to get to him last night-and he'd seen her. He'd spoken to her. The memory alone gave her a fresh surge of joy; then she sighed, smiling a little wistfully at his image in the glass. No matter how much she missed her son, it was all for the best that he wasn't here yet. Although, from what Dumbledore had said this morning, that was something of a miracle in itself.
The scrying-glass was showing Gryffindor Tower, where Harry seemed to have just awakened from a well-deserved nap in his old bed. Lily watched him rub his eyes and stretch, settling his glasses on his nose. Then he pulled a towel from a cupboard and set off for the shower. Grinning a little, she cleared the glass to give him some privacy and slipped it back into her pocket.
"Oi, Lily!"
Quiet moments were surprisingly hard to come by, even in the afterlife. Lily looked up to see Sirius making a beeline for her tree, with James right behind him.
Sirius plopped down cross-legged beside her. "You haven't seen Moony at all, have you?"
James stooped to plant a light kiss on the top of her head and then leaned against the tree, looming benevolently above as he waited for her answer.
"Not for a while." She tilted her head to one side, considering. "Not since he said he wanted to go for a walk."
"Mmm," said James, somewhat grimly. "We haven't either."
"And it's probably not a good idea to leave him alone too long just yet," Sirius elaborated. "He's had quite a shock, after all." He jumped up again and held out a hand to Lily. "Come and help us look for him?"
They each chose a direction and set off across the sunny meadow.
Lily had been a bit worried about Remus herself; death wasn't the easiest idea to come to terms with. But so far, he seemed to be doing surprisingly well. He was shaky and disoriented when he first turned up, but then, most people were. He'd found his feet remarkably quickly once Dumbledore pulled the four of them aside and started to explain what might happen if Harry used the Resurrection Stone. Then, in the Forbidden Forest, Remus had been nothing short of marvellous-standing tall and proud, telling Harry not to be sorry, that he had died for something he believed in. Even this morning, when James offered to let Remus choose a new landscape, he had risen to the occasion with flair, shaping the formless mist into rolling meadows cris-crossed with low walls of white stone under a mild sun and a gentle breeze. He really did seem to be just fine-
Lily stopped short, catching sight of a brown shape huddled against one of the stone walls.
Maybe Remus wasn't holding up so terribly well after all.
"I've found him!" she called over her shoulder, setting off at a run.
When Lily got closer, she could see that he was sitting with his knees drawn up and his face buried in his folded arms, shaking. "Oh, Remus." She dropped down into the soft fragrant grass, slipped an arm around his shoulders, and gave him a squeeze. "I'm so, so sorry."
James slid to a stop next to his old friend and patted him rather awkwardly on the back. "I know it's rough, leaving people behind. But it'll get easier with time. Believe me."
Sirius, however, came loping over and wasted no time in giving Remus an emphatic thump on the head. "You prat. Haven't you learned after all these years not to go off by yourself with your troubles, when you've got friends who want to help? I reckon you're even thicker than I thought you were."
That earned a shaky laugh, and then Remus straightened up slowly and looked around at the three of them. His eyes were so full of pain that it made Lily swallow hard, but he gave an apologetic smile and shrugged slightly. "I'm sorry," he said, a bit hoarsely. "I just didn't want to worry you lot."
"Well," growled Sirius, "disappearing for hours is a bloody brilliant way to accomplish that."
Remus laughed again, a little more easily this time. Then he leaned back against the stone wall and stretched out his long legs with a small sigh.
"You know, Moony," said James, reaching over and giving Remus's hair a bit of a tousle, "it's only a matter of waiting. Dora and Teddy will be here too, someday."
"You'd best get in the habit of calling her Tonks, or she'll pummel you when she gets here," Sirius stage-whispered. "Not even I'm allowed to call her Dora, and I'm family."
And this actually made Remus snigger. Lily gave Sirius a surreptitious pat on the back. He might have a little too much fun pushing her buttons sometimes, but boy, did he know how to handle Remus.
They sat in companionable silence for a while, listening to the songs of larks and thrushes that Remus's imagination had supplied when he'd arranged the landscape.
"The birdsong is a lovely touch." Lily smiled at him.
Remus raised his eyebrows. "You can hear it over the buzzing? I can't hear it at all."
"Buzzing?" James was the one who asked, but Lily and Sirius exchanged puzzled looks as well.
"I thought it was just part of being...here." Remus frowned, but Lily was pleased to see that it was merely his familiar old frown of concentration. "I hear a buzzing sound all the time, and sometimes there even seem to be voices, but I can't make out what they're saying."
"I've never heard of that happening before," said James slowly. "I'll ask some of the folks who've been here longer-see if they know what it means."
Remus watched James for a moment. "What you said just now, about this being easier to bear over time-does it really get better? It must have been horrible for you and Lily, leaving Harry behind."
"It was," said Lily. "It is. Every day I wish I could be there for my son when he needs me." James scooted closer and put an arm around her waist, and she sank gratefully against the solid warmth of his shoulder. "But at first it was like a searing, crushing pain-" Remus nodded ruefully-"and now it's more like a dull ache."
"And at least you two have each other," said Remus, almost too quietly to hear.
Sirius looked over at her, his face twisted with grief and regret. "Lily, he's been here long enough. You ought to let him see the glass."
She hesitated. "You know we're supposed to wait a week after someone crosses over before we do that!"
But Remus looked lost and alone, and Sirius had his arms crossed and his eyes half closed in that incorrigible I-dare-you pose of his. Lily sighed, pulled her scrying-glass from her pocket, and held it out toward Remus. "Here you go, then."
He looked at her curiously.
"It will show you anyone alive you ask to see. Just touch the glass and think of the person you want to watch."
Remus took the scrying-glass in unsteady hands and whispered, "My Dora."
The view through the glass was foggy for a moment, and then it cleared, showing the hospital wing at Hogwarts. There was Tonks, with a large white bandage on her head. She looked pale and strained, but at least she was awake and alert, talking animatedly to her mother. Remus touched her image almost reverently, running a finger along her cheek, stroking her fine brown hair. Lily had to look away.
"She'll be all right," said Sirius quietly. "Blacks have hard heads, you know."
Remus nodded, unable to speak.
"Let's have a look at the sprog, too, shall we?" James kept his voice light.
Remus's eyes widened. "Good heavens. If Andromeda's at Hogwarts, who is watching Teddy?" He touched the scrying-glass again, and the scene shifted to Andromeda's small, comfortable-looking house. Teddy was lying on a blanket on the living-room floor, yowling. His eyes were screwed up tight, and his tiny fists were flailing. Next to him sat Harry's friend Hermione, frantically flipping through a very thick book, darting panicked glances at the screaming infant. Then someone else came into view-Frank and Alice's boy, Neville. He picked Teddy up and swung him around a bit, and the baby immediately left off crying and started blowing little spittle bubbles instead. His hair even turned bright green, matching Neville's T-shirt. Hermione sat back on her heels and gaped.
Lily suddenly realized that Remus was laughing quietly, despite the tears in his eyes. "Poor Hermione," he chuckled. "That had to rankle. She hates it when she can't look up what to do."
They watched Teddy and the two young people for a while. Neville really seemed to have a knack with babies, and even Hermione eventually relaxed and began to look like she was having fun.
"Can we look in on Harry?" Lily asked. "The last time I checked, he'd just been up in Gryffindor Tower having a bit of a nap."
Remus handed back the glass, and Lily touched it, thinking, Harry Potter. The view shifted unexpectedly back to the Hogwarts hospital wing. Harry was sitting by a bed, talking quietly. And he was holding the hand of none other than one Remus Lupin.
No one said anything for quite a while. Finally, Remus broke the silence, staring fixedly at the ground. "Dammit, Harry. You need to be out with the people who love you, celebrating the end of the bloody war. Never mind my old corpse."
"Maybe," said Sirius tightly, "he's telling that old corpse goodbye because he cares about your sorry arse."
But Lily had seen something. She tapped the glass again, shifting the angle of the view, moving closer to the figure on the hospital bed.
"It's not a corpse," she whispered.
Three pairs of eyes turned to her in shock and disbelief.
"Remus, you're-" She looked at him and shook her head. "I don't understand how this is possible, but down there, you're still breathing."
. * . * .
2. Searching
"What do you mean, it's not clear whether Remus is dead?" Tonks lurched to a sitting position-and almost lost consciousness again when the sudden movement made her head throb and black spots swarm across her vision.
"Here, love." Mum handed her a phial from the bedside table that contained a violently orange, slightly foamy potion. "Madam Pomfrey said you'd have a nasty headache when you woke up, and this would help."
Tonks swallowed the potion and set the phial down, but her eyes never left her mother's. "Where is he? What's going on?"
"He's right here," said Mum carefully, "just up the ward. It's-"
Tonks swung her legs over the side of the bed and slid her feet into the slippers that waited there. She pushed herself up, managing to stand, even if she was rather wobbly.
"Nymphadora!"
"Help me there, Mum." She set her jaw and refused to acknowledge her mother's worried frown.
After a few silent seconds, Mum sighed and nodded, wrapping an arm around Tonks's waist for support as Tonks leaned on her shoulder.
The two of them slowly made their way along the ward. Many of the beds they passed were occupied, and several witches and wizards in the lime-green robes of St. Mungo's moved among the injured, doing rapid silent wandwork and making notes on charts.
They gradually drew even with Madam Pomfrey's familiar form, bent over a potions cabinet. Tonks, with years of experience trying to sneak out of the hospital wing too soon after a Quidditch collision or a Potions class gone wrong, braced herself without even thinking. Sure enough, the matron's sixth sense seemed to warn her: patient out of bed! She puffed up at once, theatrically indignant, fully prepared to restore order single-handedly. It was exactly what she always used to do. And it should have been funny.
Would anything ever be funny again?
As soon as Madam Pomfrey turned around to see who the disobedient patient actually was, though, something unprecedented happened-her stern expression crumpled. "Come along, then," she said, trying and failing to sound gruff, as she took Tonks gently by the free arm. They set off again, moving a little faster now with two people for support.
"We've got him in the private room right by my office," the matron explained in a low voice, looking straight ahead. "There's someone with him at all times-Minerva and Filius have sat with him, and several of his former students. And your mother, of course."
"Mum did?" Tonks had thought that Mum and Remus were getting on more comfortably lately, but she couldn't quite picture her mother keeping vigil by his bedside.
Mum raised an eyebrow, looking almost sheepish. "This morning they told me you weren't likely to wake up for a while, so I thought I might have some time to spare."
Tonks squeezed her mother's shoulder in silent gratitude. Then she turned back to Madam Pomfrey, because she had about a million questions to ask. But a familiar voice came drifting faintly out of Remus's room as they drew nearer, and she held her breath to listen instead.
. * . * .
Lily stared at the image in the scrying-glass. Remus's body was lying in the hospital wing, pale and inert, but undeniably still breathing.
She stood and brushed the grass from her skirt, dropping the scrying-glass into her pocket. "I think we'd better go and talk to Dumbledore. Right now. If he doesn't know what this means, he'll know who will-and I have a feeling it might be important."
The others stood too, but Remus frowned. "How do we find Dumbledore?"
"There's, well, a place-for lack of a better word-where he usually is, just like we're usually here." James pushed his glasses up higher on his nose. "So we'll go there first. And if he's not there, we have various ways of looking for him." He grinned at Remus. "There are lots of new things you can do now. We'll have to show you."
If he stays, Lily found herself thinking. Then she gave her head a shake. Surely it wasn't possible for someone to go back-someone who wasn't bound by blood magic to a Dark wizard with a Horcrux, at least.
"We should hold hands so we don't lose each other." Lily reached out for James and Remus, and waited until Sirius caught Remus's hand on the other side. Then she focused her thoughts on Dumbledore's usual location and led the way, falling forward into swirls of white mist.
. * . * .
"...because you're going to be a great dad," Harry was saying earnestly. "You can teach him to fly, and you can show him all about things like grindylows and kappas, just like you taught us. Teddy needs you, Remus. He needs you here. And-I don't want to lose you, either, just when I was finally going to have a chance to get to know you better."
Harry started and went rather red when Tonks's awkward procession appeared in the doorway; he obviously hadn't meant his words to be overheard. Tonks mustered a reassuring smile for him.
"Wotcher, Harry. Thank you for telling Remus the kinds of things he really needs to hear."
Then her throat closed up, and her eyes were drawn to her husband-to the slow steady rise and fall of his chest, the only sign of life in the pale, still form.
"Hi, Tonks. I'm really glad you're okay." Harry stood so that Mum and Madam Pomfrey could get Tonks settled in the chair. Then he carefully placed Remus's hand in hers. With a tight, wordless smile of thanks, she clutched the lifeless fingers in both hands, as though holding on for all she was worth could help keep her husband from slipping away.
"Any change, Mr. Potter?" asked the matron, gently brushing the hair away from Remus's face so that she could feel his forehead.
"I don't think so." Harry sounded worried.
"Well," said Madam Pomfrey briskly, searching for a pulse at the wrist, "we still have him with us, then." She flicked her wand, and the soft red glow of a diagnostic spell moved along his frame. It went particularly bright around his head and his stomach, and she made a soft clucking noise, shaking her head.
"What's wrong with Remus? What happened?" The hand Tonks was holding felt cold, though not much colder than her own.
The matron pressed her lips together. "To begin with, he took a nasty Sectumsempra to the stomach."
Tonks drew a sharp breath, thinking of blood and entrails and other horrible things she'd seen when she was still an Auror.
But Madam Pomfrey spared her a grim smile. "That will be all right. I've seen him almost as bad after full moons sometimes, and I closed all the wounds and dosed him with plenty of Blood Replenishing Potion. As for the other-" Her attempt at a smile vanished completely. "He was hit in the head with some kind of Dark curse." She brushed a hand over Remus's hair again. "It should have been fatal, but it seems that something distracted the curse-caster at the last second, so the spell wasn't fully completed."
"Wasn't fully completed?" Tonks echoed, trying not to let her growing worry and frustration show in her voice-none of this was the matron's fault, after all. "What does that mean?"
"This is an extremely rare condition," Madam Pomfrey replied. "There hasn't been a confirmed case in the last hundred years or so, but there are descriptions in old books." She sighed. "Let me show you." She pointed her wand at her own chest. "Animam Revelo."
A glowing purple sphere appeared, hovering around her middle.
"That shows you that my soul is intact. If I were dead, or had been Kissed by a dementor, there would be nothing at all." She waved her wand and the sphere vanished. "Now watch what happens with Remus."
Tonks felt Mum's hand come to rest on her shoulder.
"Animam Revelo," said Madam Pomfrey again, aiming the spell at Remus this time.
No sphere appeared.
"So-so his soul is gone?" Tonks could only whisper.
"Not entirely," said Madam Pomfrey quickly. "Look there."
Tonks looked again, and this time she saw it. There was no sphere, but there was a fine purple line, like a thread, that started somewhere near Remus's heart and stretched up and up, disappearing through the ceiling overhead.
"As long as he keeps breathing-as long as that connection isn't broken-there's a possibility his soul will return." The matron hesitated. "I have to tell you that his chances of recovery are not very good. But the successful cases have always had someone in physical contact with the patient, or at least talking to him, so we've been doing both."
Tonks squeezed the thin hand that lay limply in hers. An idea came floating up, and she turned back to Madam Pomfrey with her chin raised. This was not usual procedure for the Hogwarts hospital wing, but neither was this a usual situation. "I want to lie down with him. Maybe it will help more than just holding his hand."
Madam Pomfrey looked away and blinked once, hard. "I do not bend the rules in this infirmary. And I most certainly do not have favourites among my patients, not even those I saw every month when they were at school."
Tonks ground her teeth and started to protest. Wasn't Remus's life more important than petty rules and regulations?
But then the matron jabbed her wand toward the bed and enlarged it to twice its normal width. "Which is why I must insist that you lie down at once." She rounded on Tonks with a scowl. "It is much too soon for you to be up walking around in the first place, young woman. I don't want to see you out of bed again until I say it's time."
Should've been funny, Tonks thought again, as though watching the scene from a long way off. But all she felt was a desperate need to be as close to Remus as possible.
Mum helped Tonks out of the chair and into the bed, with Harry keeping a hand on Remus's arm during the shuffle. Tonks slid under the covers and fitted herself to her husband's inert form, bringing his head to rest on her shoulder.
"I must get back to my rounds on the ward," said the matron. Her voice was a little thicker than usual.
All at once, Tonks found that she couldn't face the prospect of another hour without her son. "Would it be all right to have Teddy here with us too?"
"Certainly." Madam Pomfrey gave a brisk nod. "I'll put a Muffling Charm on this room, so the wee one can make as much noise as he likes." With that, she was gone.
"Mum, would-"
"Right away, love." Mum kissed her on the side of her head that wasn't bandaged, placed a hand on Remus's shoulder for a moment, and turned to Harry. "Would you come with me to fetch your godson and his things?"
"Glad to." Harry looked pleased to have something active he could do.
Once the room was empty, Tonks rested her forehead against her husband's. "Now you listen to me, Remus Lupin." She ran her fingertips over his face, his hair, his shoulder. His pulse fluttered faintly in his throat, and the breaths he was still taking were soft and warm on her cheek. "I'm going to tell you why you need to come back, and I won't stop talking until you do."
. * . * .
3. Finding
Lily watched, amused in spite of herself, as the white mist vanished and a narrow street from an old Continental city gently materialized around them. Dumbledore changed his surroundings rather frequently, and this was a new one.
"Different from Apparition," murmured Remus. He had acquired the absorbed expression he used to get when he found a particularly interesting magical creature or Runic inscription, and Lily smiled to see that look, so familiar even after so many years. But she watched him warily, all the same. Remus had a habit of throwing himself into intellectual puzzles when he was trying to beat back some kind of strong emotion he thought he shouldn't be having.
"Hello, hello!" came Dumbledore's cheery voice from behind them. "How delightful to see all of you." Lily turned and saw the silver-haired wizard seated at a café table, surrounded by scarlet geraniums. He was sipping a cup of coffee and sharing a plate of chocolate croissants with his long-time alchemical collaborator.
"Nicolas," said Dumbledore, "I believe you know everyone except for Remus Lupin, who's only just arrived. Remus, this is Nicolas Flamel."
Remus shook hands with the alchemist, his usual mild demeanour completely intact. "I'm honoured to meet you, sir. I've read about your work-it's remarkable."
"Ah, no," said Flamel warmly, "the pleasure is mine. I am sorry for your losses, but I welcome you here."
A second wrought-iron table with a canvas umbrella and four chairs shimmered into existence (along with extra geraniums), and there was a brief flurry of activity as the newcomers settled themselves and cups of tea and cocoa appeared.
"How are you adjusting, Remus?" Dumbledore passed him the plate of chocolate croissants.
"I'm fine, thank you, sir." Remus's voice was firm, and his gaze was steady. But Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes, and Dumbledore gave each of them a shrewd look.
"Actually, Professor," Lily broke in, "we're here because we've discovered something about Remus that's rather surprising, and we wanted to see if you knew anything about what it might mean."
The twinkle in Dumbledore's blue eyes grew more pronounced. "Most interesting. What have you found?"
Lily pulled out her scrying-glass, thought Remus Lupin, and waited for the Hogwarts hospital wing to reappear. When the view cleared, she saw that Harry had gone. Now it was Tonks keeping vigil. The bed had been widened, and the injured Auror lay next to the shell of her husband, cradling his head on her shoulder and talking to him with an expression of grim determination. Lily quickly turned the face of the glass away from Remus, unsure of what that particular image would do to his hard-won composure. But he wasn't watching, anyway-he was studiously examining a particularly large pot of geraniums. Lily's lips quirked in sympathy. She imagined it would feel awfully odd to look down on one's own self from up here.
She handed the glass across to Dumbledore. "If you look at his image carefully, you can see that he actually seems to be breathing."
"My goodness." Dumbledore held the scrying-glass so that Flamel could look into it as well. "Yes, he certainly is breathing."
"Albus," said Flamel intently, "are you thinking as I am thinking?"
Dumbledore exchanged a significant glance with his old friend. "I daresay I am." He peered over his half-moon spectacles in a way that would have been familiar to generations of Hogwarts students. "Remus, if you will permit me a rather personal question-have you, by any chance, been hearing distant voices?"
Remus looked up, startled. "Yes, I have been, actually. But I can't make any sense of what they're saying."
Dumbledore's expression was inscrutable. "Listen for a moment, if you would. Can you identify the voice you are hearing right now, even if you can't understand the words?"
Remus closed his eyes in concentration. Everyone was silent, watching. Lily saw him swallow and turn quite pale. When he opened his eyes again, he wore a hesitant smile.
"This is probably just wishful thinking on my part, but right now, it sounds rather like Nymphadora-like the tone her voice would take when she was trying to talk me round to something."
Wordlessly, Dumbledore held up the scrying-glass. Sirius gave a low whistle, and James caught his breath.
Remus gazed at the image in the glass with the eyes of a starving man at a banquet. Lily reached over and touched his hand, and he closed his fingers gratefully over hers.
"Surely I'm not really hearing her voice?"
"I believe you are, indeed, hearing Nymphadora talk to you." Dumbledore handed the glass back to Lily, so she set it on the table in front of Remus. "Obviously, most of your soul is here now, but it seems that you still maintain a tenuous connection down below. This happens only very rarely, but if I am correct, it means you have a choice to make. You can stay here, as you are, and the connection will soon dissipate." He paused, fixing Remus with a probing look. "Or, if you wish, you can follow the connection back and return to the living."
Remus went very still, and his grip on Lily's hand tightened. "I can go back?"
"It seems that you can, indeed," said Flamel. "But I would suggest that you consider your choice very carefully. I lived down there for centuries before crossing over, and now I sometimes feel that it was time wasted-there is so much to learn on this side, so much to explore. Perhaps you would do better to remain here and begin your journey sooner rather than later."
"Neither choice is right or wrong, Remus," said Dumbledore. "But there is something else you should consider. Here, there is no injury-" he held up his right hand, which was whole and healthy-"and no illness. If you go back, you will be as you were."
Remus kept his face impassive, but Lily, still holding his hand, felt a tiny shudder sweep through his frame. She wondered what it must feel like, to be freed at last from a lifelong curse, only to have to contemplate shouldering that burden once again.
He set his jaw. "I understand," he began, "but some things are more important than-"
And then he froze.
When he spoke again, his voice was low. "Teddy's there. I can hear him crying."
They all leaned over to peer into the scrying-glass where it lay on the table. The tiny room in the hospital wing was full of people now. Harry and Neville were setting a baby basket and a large satchel on the floor within easy reach of the bed. Hermione was helping Tonks sit up. And, sure enough, Andromeda stood in the doorway with a red-faced, screaming Teddy in her arms.
In the glass, Tonks reached out for her son, and Andromeda handed him over. Tonks bent over Teddy, rocking him and crooning, and he calmed down and stopped crying. One small fist clutched at her hospital robes. Lily saw a tear roll down Tonks's cheek as she began to nurse her son.
Remus let go of Lily's hand and squared his shoulders, turning back to Dumbledore. "For me, there is only one choice. What Harry told me last summer was absolutely right-it is better for Teddy to grow up with a father than without one, even if that father is a werewolf. Raising my son is my responsibility, and I can't turn my back on that."
He looked at the scrying-glass again, where Tonks held her son close but kept her gaze fixed imploringly on the unresponsive face of the still form beside her. "And Dora waited for me for so long. She deserves more time before being widowed." He sighed, touching her image gently with the tip of one finger. "I tried to make things up to her this year-I tried to make her laugh as often as I possibly could."
And that he had done. Lily smiled a little, thinking of just how many times she'd looked in on Remus since last autumn and seen him laughing with his wife. Tonks was lovely when she laughed, with her dark eyes dancing and her hair some bright crazy colour that suited her-and him-perfectly.
"But those few months were not enough to balance all the pain I've caused her. And I promised I would never leave her and Teddy again." Remus looked around the table at his friends. "If I have a chance to go back now, and I don't take it, then I'm breaking that promise."
Sirius reached across Lily to grab Remus by the arm. He narrowed his eyes, looking dangerous. "Pretty words, Lupin. But are those the only reasons for you to go back?"
"No." Remus met the grey gaze unflinchingly. "I-I want to go back." A red flush crept up from his neck, but he didn't look away. "There is nothing I want more in the world than a chance to be happy with Dora and Teddy and make a life together as a family. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to have even as much of that life as I've already had-but now I want more."
"Good." A broad smile spread across Sirius's face. "It's about bloody time you owned up to that."
Dumbledore was smiling, too. "Go back, then, and make the most of it. You'll have time enough to spend with us when you're here again someday." Then his expression grew sombre. "But the connection won't last forever, and you've already been here for nearly an entire day. If you wish to go back, you ought to go at once."
Remus frowned. "I haven't had a chance to find my parents-or Ted."
"I'll find them for you," Lily promised, "and let them know what happened. You really should go."
Remus pushed back his chair and stood, and everyone else stood too. He caught Lily up in a great crushing hug. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear. "You always told me not to give up hoping that things would get better-and you were right."
Lily hugged him back just as tightly. She would miss him dreadfully, but she was glad he would have a chance to grow old with his family around him after all. "Give Harry my love, and Tonks and Teddy too, of course."
He turned to James, who clapped him on the back. "Make sure Teddy grows up to be a true Marauder, like his old da." James cleared his throat. "And tell Harry how proud we are of him."
Then Sirius pulled Remus into a brief but bone-crushing hug of his own. "Moony, old mate. Tell Harry I'd love for him to have the motorbike, if he wants it." He smirked. "Tell my little cousin that I had the manners not to say I told you so in reference to her romantic life." Remus flushed a bit at that, making Lily grin and James snigger. "And-" Sirius shrugged, but the casual facade was very definitely slipping-his smile was flat-out wistful. "Will you tell the sprog a tale or two about his poor old cousin Padfoot?"
"Of course." Remus gripped Sirius's shoulders. "Of course I will."
He turned back to Dumbledore and Flamel. "Monsieur Flamel, it was a pleasure to meet you, and I'm sure I'll see you again someday." The alchemist nodded gravely. "Professor, I think I'm ready-but how, exactly, do I go back?"
"Can you still hear the voices?" asked Dumbledore.
"I hear Dora," said Remus at once.
"Focus on the sound of her voice and let yourself go, the way you did when you travelled here today. As you get closer, you may start to feel her touch as well. Concentrate on those sensations, and you should be able to return your soul to your body."
"All right." Remus took a deep breath.
"There is one difficulty, however." Dumbledore's expression was earnest and slightly worried as he regarded Remus over steepled fingers. "While you've been here, you've been free of pain." He smiled at the look of incredulity that flickered across the younger man's face. "Physical pain, that is." The smile slipped away, and the look of concern reappeared. "Your body has been in a battle, and it was injured badly enough for you to be here now. When you try to go back, the pain will hit you all at once. If you let it distract you, the connection may be broken, which will send you back here again for good."
Remus swallowed hard. "I understand. But-" He smiled wryly. "Surely it can't be that much worse than after moons."
He looked around one last time at his friends and his mentor. "Goodbye. I'm glad I've seen you all, and I'm glad to know for sure I'll see you again."
"And we'll be watching you from time to time." Lily held up the scrying-glass with a watery smile.
Remus grinned back, nodding. Then his gaze turned inward, and after a moment, he was gone.
Silence filled the narrow cobbled street. Sirius was scowling darkly. Lily leaned against James, who gave her a comforting squeeze.
Remus didn't reappear.
"Well, that seems to be that," said Dumbledore gently. "But there is still plenty to be done here, especially after last night's battle." He smiled slightly. "James, Sirius-there is a new arrival from Hogwarts by the name of Colin Creevey, who is now being looked after by a pair of elderly aunts he hadn't seen since he was very small. I rather suspect that meeting Harry Potter's father and godfather would cheer him up immensely."
James and Sirius raised their eyebrows at each other in a way that Lily knew meant they were solemnly swearing to be up to no good, and her lips twitched. She hoped a little Marauding might make a lonely boy feel better.
"And Lily." Dumbledore came to stand beside her. "One of the things that Nicolas and I were discussing before you arrived was Severus." She frowned, but he held up a hand. "I know that he wasn't very...receptive...when you tried to talk to him last night. But will you try again? I believe it to be important, and his feelings toward you are complicated."
Lily nodded slowly, feeling an all-too-familiar pang of regret over a boy who tried too hard to fit in with the wrong crowd. "I will. He was my friend, once. And I do owe him for Harry."
"First, though," said Sirius firmly, catching her by the elbow, "let's have a look at Moony through that glass of yours."
. * . * .
Tonks sat propped up against the headboard of the widened hospital bed. Her left hip was firmly wedged against her husband's side, and her left hand found his shoulder or his head whenever it was free. Her right arm was full of Teddy, who squirmed slightly as she patted him on the back, and the icy knot of worry twisting her heart eased just a little when she held him close and breathed in his familiar baby scent.
"You should see your son, Remus. He was fussing like anything when Mum brought him in, but now he's settled back down, just as if-" she swallowed-"as if nothing had happened." She gazed at Teddy, entranced as always by his tiny hands, his small rapt face, and his ever-changing hair. "His hair's gone all red and blue, sort of blotchy. I think he was looking at the stripes on Harry's T-shirt."
Harry had been every bit the doting godfather, striding proudly alongside Mum and Teddy and carrying a large satchel stuffed with toys, nappies, and baby clothes. The friends who'd been looking after Teddy at home turned out to be Hermione and young Neville Longbottom, and they'd come along to Hogwarts too. Tonks was happy to see that both of them made a point of talking to Remus. In fact, Neville made a particularly impassioned plea for him to come back. All at once, Tonks remembered that the last thing she'd seen before Bellatrix found her was Remus firing hexes at Dolohov one moment and defending Neville and another student the next-and she suddenly understood why such an uninspired fighter had been able to take Remus down. But then Hermione, seeing her face, whispered in her ear that it was also Neville who'd hit Dolohov in the back with a hex, drawing him away from the fallen Remus before it was altogether too late.
The three young people had just left for the Burrow. Mum sat in the chair next to the bed, her watchful eyes moving from Tonks, to Teddy, to Remus, and back. Tonks's scratchy, tired voice was the only sound in the little room, which was quiet behind the Muffling Charm that Madam Pomfrey had cast for Teddy's sake.
And then, Remus's breath hitched.
He stirred.
Tonks froze, her eyes locked on his face.
He stirred again, and winced. His quiet, even breathing turned to ragged gasps.
"Mum," Tonks choked. "Find Madam Pomfrey. Something's happening."
Without a word, Mum hurried off.
Remus drew a few more laboured breaths, and then seemed to quiet again. Tonks shifted her hold on Teddy and slid down in the bed until her face was right beside her husband's. Reaching out with a shaking hand, she stroked his hair. "It'll be all right," she said desperately. "You'll be all right. You'll come back to us. Please, Remus."
His eyes opened.
Tonks felt her heart start beating again.
Remus saw her. The look of love and longing in his warm brown eyes was unmistakable. Then he shifted his gaze until he found Teddy. He looked back at Tonks, and the lines of pain on his face were eased by a smile of pure joy.
"Hi," he whispered.
"Hi yourself," she breathed, afraid to look away for even a second.
He seemed to gather his strength, and then he spoke again. "Sirius sends his love."
"You were-there? You talked to him?"
Remus nodded, and Tonks shivered, finding his hand and threading her fingers through his.
"He said something else, too." His voice was so faint, Tonks bent closer to hear better-and when she did, she caught sight of the tiniest hint of a wicked gleam in his eye.
Remus paused for a heartbeat. "He said-and I quote-'Bloody hell! I've been avenged by Molly Weasley?'"
Tonks had an instant mental image of Sirius, leaning artlessly up against some wall or other with his arms crossed and his eyes wide with exaggerated disbelief. She felt her lips twitch. All at once, something came bubbling up that she almost didn't recognize until it burst out as a snort, and then a chuckle. And then she was laughing.
Things were funny again.
. * . * .
Lily knew that she was grinning like a fool as she watched Tonks laugh and Remus light up at the sight.
"Oi," said Sirius affectionately. He pulled the scrying-glass out of her fingers and turned it face down on the grass. "Let's give them a little privacy if they're going to snog like that."
James was grinning, too. "Moony'll do all right for himself, down there." He leaned back against the shady tree that had become Lily's favourite. "But you know, I think we should keep the meadow here for a while."
"I'd like that." Lily hugged her knees to her chest and smiled, listening to the birdsong.
. * fin * .
"Warp and Weft" series index
After the Battle of Hogwarts, Remus has a choice to make...with a little help from some old friends. DH spoilers; AU. Bushels of thanks to my beta, jncar, for her excellent comments and suggestions. The rt_challenge prompts used for this story were #9, cheat, and #31, the end; you have been warned.
Part 1 of this story was posted last August for rt_challenge, and the conclusion was first posted here in November. I've since revised the story a little for posting at fanfiction.net, which consisted of adding chapter titles, dividing the original Part 2 into two chapters, and making minor edits to chapters 2 and 3 so that the two plot threads would fit together better. Those changes are now incorporated here as well.
By a Thread
1. Losing
[also here at rt_challenge]
Headache. Merlin, it hurts. Like knives and sledgehammers at the same time.
The stabbing pain made it hard to think, but there was a sick, urgent feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she knew there was something dreadfully important. Something she absolutely had to do.
Tonks fought to remember. She'd been looking for someone-
Remus.
Bellatrix.
Her eyes snapped open and her fingers scrabbled desperately for her wand, even as her sluggish brain was realizing that it couldn't possibly matter anymore-Bellatrix must not still be there, or Tonks would already be dead.
She blinked a few times, waiting for her vision to clear. No fire, no falling rocks, no panicked shouting. No battle. She seemed to be in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. And then a pale Black face with wide grey eyes swam into view after all, leaning over her anxiously. But it was the wrong sister.
Thank heavens.
"Mum?" Her voice came out as a rasping whisper.
"Nymphadora! You're awake!" Mum snatched up Tonks's hand and held it to her cheek, and a tear or two squeezed out between her lashes. "The fight is over, love. Harry Potter's done it. You-Know-Who-V-Voldemort-is dead."
Tonks's throat was raw, probably from all the shouting she'd been doing at the battle, and maybe from breathing too much dust and smoke. But there were things she had to ask. "I was fighting Bellatrix... What happened?"
"She's dead, too." Her mother's face was suddenly hard and fierce. "She'll never threaten our family again."
Tonks shuddered, remembering the scrawny, malevolent owl that had found her as she stood over Teddy's crib. The fact that it had penetrated the security spells around her mother's house was ominous enough, but the message it brought frightened her more than anything she had ever seen. That's right, hide at home with your half-breed spawn and see if it does you any good. I will find the werewolf at Hogwarts, and I will kill him myself. And then I will come for you, and your brat, and your blood-traitor mother. The Black family tree will be pruned.
"I wanted to kill her."
"From what I hear, you came awfully close." Mum gave a little laugh, but halfway through, it caught in her throat and turned into a sob. "You had her cornered, didn't you? I'm told she shot a Killing Curse at you, but you-you tripped, and hit your head on a piece of fallen masonry. Only, Bella thought it was her curse that got you, so she ran off and left you lying there." Mum blinked, hard. "Everyone thought you were dead, until the fighting was over and Poppy Pomfrey found a pulse..."
So the clumsiness that was the bane of her existence had probably saved her life. It should've been funny. But somehow, Tonks had no mental energy to spare for humour just now.
The Black family tree will be pruned.
She looked around wildly, half-expecting her husband to be standing there with their son in his arms, ready to start scolding her for coming to the battle-for losing to Bellatrix again-for being unconscious and worrying everyone.
But Mum was the only one here.
Tonks clutched at her mother's hand. "Where's Remus? And Teddy? Tell me Bellatrix didn't find them!"
"Teddy's at home," said Mum quickly. "He's fine. A few friends of Harry's offered to look after him so that I could stay with you."
Her baby was safe. Tonks closed her eyes and clung, for just a moment, to that one piece of happy news. But even so, the bottom was falling out of her world, because of the question that her mother hadn't answered. She looked up, straight into Mum's grey gaze, full of sympathy overlaid with the pain of her own all too recent loss.
"Remus is dead, isn't he," Tonks whispered.
She didn't quite know how she'd forced her own mouth to shape those words, words that she'd never really believed-no matter how much she'd pretended to be ready for anything in this war-never really believed she'd have a reason to say. Not for, oh, another hundred years, anyway.
But her mother was shaking her head slowly, biting her lip. "It's-it's not clear."
. * . * .
Lily took advantage of a quiet moment to curl up under a shady tree and have a look at Harry through her scrying-glass. She still couldn't quite believe how close she'd been able to get to him last night-and he'd seen her. He'd spoken to her. The memory alone gave her a fresh surge of joy; then she sighed, smiling a little wistfully at his image in the glass. No matter how much she missed her son, it was all for the best that he wasn't here yet. Although, from what Dumbledore had said this morning, that was something of a miracle in itself.
The scrying-glass was showing Gryffindor Tower, where Harry seemed to have just awakened from a well-deserved nap in his old bed. Lily watched him rub his eyes and stretch, settling his glasses on his nose. Then he pulled a towel from a cupboard and set off for the shower. Grinning a little, she cleared the glass to give him some privacy and slipped it back into her pocket.
"Oi, Lily!"
Quiet moments were surprisingly hard to come by, even in the afterlife. Lily looked up to see Sirius making a beeline for her tree, with James right behind him.
Sirius plopped down cross-legged beside her. "You haven't seen Moony at all, have you?"
James stooped to plant a light kiss on the top of her head and then leaned against the tree, looming benevolently above as he waited for her answer.
"Not for a while." She tilted her head to one side, considering. "Not since he said he wanted to go for a walk."
"Mmm," said James, somewhat grimly. "We haven't either."
"And it's probably not a good idea to leave him alone too long just yet," Sirius elaborated. "He's had quite a shock, after all." He jumped up again and held out a hand to Lily. "Come and help us look for him?"
They each chose a direction and set off across the sunny meadow.
Lily had been a bit worried about Remus herself; death wasn't the easiest idea to come to terms with. But so far, he seemed to be doing surprisingly well. He was shaky and disoriented when he first turned up, but then, most people were. He'd found his feet remarkably quickly once Dumbledore pulled the four of them aside and started to explain what might happen if Harry used the Resurrection Stone. Then, in the Forbidden Forest, Remus had been nothing short of marvellous-standing tall and proud, telling Harry not to be sorry, that he had died for something he believed in. Even this morning, when James offered to let Remus choose a new landscape, he had risen to the occasion with flair, shaping the formless mist into rolling meadows cris-crossed with low walls of white stone under a mild sun and a gentle breeze. He really did seem to be just fine-
Lily stopped short, catching sight of a brown shape huddled against one of the stone walls.
Maybe Remus wasn't holding up so terribly well after all.
"I've found him!" she called over her shoulder, setting off at a run.
When Lily got closer, she could see that he was sitting with his knees drawn up and his face buried in his folded arms, shaking. "Oh, Remus." She dropped down into the soft fragrant grass, slipped an arm around his shoulders, and gave him a squeeze. "I'm so, so sorry."
James slid to a stop next to his old friend and patted him rather awkwardly on the back. "I know it's rough, leaving people behind. But it'll get easier with time. Believe me."
Sirius, however, came loping over and wasted no time in giving Remus an emphatic thump on the head. "You prat. Haven't you learned after all these years not to go off by yourself with your troubles, when you've got friends who want to help? I reckon you're even thicker than I thought you were."
That earned a shaky laugh, and then Remus straightened up slowly and looked around at the three of them. His eyes were so full of pain that it made Lily swallow hard, but he gave an apologetic smile and shrugged slightly. "I'm sorry," he said, a bit hoarsely. "I just didn't want to worry you lot."
"Well," growled Sirius, "disappearing for hours is a bloody brilliant way to accomplish that."
Remus laughed again, a little more easily this time. Then he leaned back against the stone wall and stretched out his long legs with a small sigh.
"You know, Moony," said James, reaching over and giving Remus's hair a bit of a tousle, "it's only a matter of waiting. Dora and Teddy will be here too, someday."
"You'd best get in the habit of calling her Tonks, or she'll pummel you when she gets here," Sirius stage-whispered. "Not even I'm allowed to call her Dora, and I'm family."
And this actually made Remus snigger. Lily gave Sirius a surreptitious pat on the back. He might have a little too much fun pushing her buttons sometimes, but boy, did he know how to handle Remus.
They sat in companionable silence for a while, listening to the songs of larks and thrushes that Remus's imagination had supplied when he'd arranged the landscape.
"The birdsong is a lovely touch." Lily smiled at him.
Remus raised his eyebrows. "You can hear it over the buzzing? I can't hear it at all."
"Buzzing?" James was the one who asked, but Lily and Sirius exchanged puzzled looks as well.
"I thought it was just part of being...here." Remus frowned, but Lily was pleased to see that it was merely his familiar old frown of concentration. "I hear a buzzing sound all the time, and sometimes there even seem to be voices, but I can't make out what they're saying."
"I've never heard of that happening before," said James slowly. "I'll ask some of the folks who've been here longer-see if they know what it means."
Remus watched James for a moment. "What you said just now, about this being easier to bear over time-does it really get better? It must have been horrible for you and Lily, leaving Harry behind."
"It was," said Lily. "It is. Every day I wish I could be there for my son when he needs me." James scooted closer and put an arm around her waist, and she sank gratefully against the solid warmth of his shoulder. "But at first it was like a searing, crushing pain-" Remus nodded ruefully-"and now it's more like a dull ache."
"And at least you two have each other," said Remus, almost too quietly to hear.
Sirius looked over at her, his face twisted with grief and regret. "Lily, he's been here long enough. You ought to let him see the glass."
She hesitated. "You know we're supposed to wait a week after someone crosses over before we do that!"
But Remus looked lost and alone, and Sirius had his arms crossed and his eyes half closed in that incorrigible I-dare-you pose of his. Lily sighed, pulled her scrying-glass from her pocket, and held it out toward Remus. "Here you go, then."
He looked at her curiously.
"It will show you anyone alive you ask to see. Just touch the glass and think of the person you want to watch."
Remus took the scrying-glass in unsteady hands and whispered, "My Dora."
The view through the glass was foggy for a moment, and then it cleared, showing the hospital wing at Hogwarts. There was Tonks, with a large white bandage on her head. She looked pale and strained, but at least she was awake and alert, talking animatedly to her mother. Remus touched her image almost reverently, running a finger along her cheek, stroking her fine brown hair. Lily had to look away.
"She'll be all right," said Sirius quietly. "Blacks have hard heads, you know."
Remus nodded, unable to speak.
"Let's have a look at the sprog, too, shall we?" James kept his voice light.
Remus's eyes widened. "Good heavens. If Andromeda's at Hogwarts, who is watching Teddy?" He touched the scrying-glass again, and the scene shifted to Andromeda's small, comfortable-looking house. Teddy was lying on a blanket on the living-room floor, yowling. His eyes were screwed up tight, and his tiny fists were flailing. Next to him sat Harry's friend Hermione, frantically flipping through a very thick book, darting panicked glances at the screaming infant. Then someone else came into view-Frank and Alice's boy, Neville. He picked Teddy up and swung him around a bit, and the baby immediately left off crying and started blowing little spittle bubbles instead. His hair even turned bright green, matching Neville's T-shirt. Hermione sat back on her heels and gaped.
Lily suddenly realized that Remus was laughing quietly, despite the tears in his eyes. "Poor Hermione," he chuckled. "That had to rankle. She hates it when she can't look up what to do."
They watched Teddy and the two young people for a while. Neville really seemed to have a knack with babies, and even Hermione eventually relaxed and began to look like she was having fun.
"Can we look in on Harry?" Lily asked. "The last time I checked, he'd just been up in Gryffindor Tower having a bit of a nap."
Remus handed back the glass, and Lily touched it, thinking, Harry Potter. The view shifted unexpectedly back to the Hogwarts hospital wing. Harry was sitting by a bed, talking quietly. And he was holding the hand of none other than one Remus Lupin.
No one said anything for quite a while. Finally, Remus broke the silence, staring fixedly at the ground. "Dammit, Harry. You need to be out with the people who love you, celebrating the end of the bloody war. Never mind my old corpse."
"Maybe," said Sirius tightly, "he's telling that old corpse goodbye because he cares about your sorry arse."
But Lily had seen something. She tapped the glass again, shifting the angle of the view, moving closer to the figure on the hospital bed.
"It's not a corpse," she whispered.
Three pairs of eyes turned to her in shock and disbelief.
"Remus, you're-" She looked at him and shook her head. "I don't understand how this is possible, but down there, you're still breathing."
. * . * .
2. Searching
"What do you mean, it's not clear whether Remus is dead?" Tonks lurched to a sitting position-and almost lost consciousness again when the sudden movement made her head throb and black spots swarm across her vision.
"Here, love." Mum handed her a phial from the bedside table that contained a violently orange, slightly foamy potion. "Madam Pomfrey said you'd have a nasty headache when you woke up, and this would help."
Tonks swallowed the potion and set the phial down, but her eyes never left her mother's. "Where is he? What's going on?"
"He's right here," said Mum carefully, "just up the ward. It's-"
Tonks swung her legs over the side of the bed and slid her feet into the slippers that waited there. She pushed herself up, managing to stand, even if she was rather wobbly.
"Nymphadora!"
"Help me there, Mum." She set her jaw and refused to acknowledge her mother's worried frown.
After a few silent seconds, Mum sighed and nodded, wrapping an arm around Tonks's waist for support as Tonks leaned on her shoulder.
The two of them slowly made their way along the ward. Many of the beds they passed were occupied, and several witches and wizards in the lime-green robes of St. Mungo's moved among the injured, doing rapid silent wandwork and making notes on charts.
They gradually drew even with Madam Pomfrey's familiar form, bent over a potions cabinet. Tonks, with years of experience trying to sneak out of the hospital wing too soon after a Quidditch collision or a Potions class gone wrong, braced herself without even thinking. Sure enough, the matron's sixth sense seemed to warn her: patient out of bed! She puffed up at once, theatrically indignant, fully prepared to restore order single-handedly. It was exactly what she always used to do. And it should have been funny.
Would anything ever be funny again?
As soon as Madam Pomfrey turned around to see who the disobedient patient actually was, though, something unprecedented happened-her stern expression crumpled. "Come along, then," she said, trying and failing to sound gruff, as she took Tonks gently by the free arm. They set off again, moving a little faster now with two people for support.
"We've got him in the private room right by my office," the matron explained in a low voice, looking straight ahead. "There's someone with him at all times-Minerva and Filius have sat with him, and several of his former students. And your mother, of course."
"Mum did?" Tonks had thought that Mum and Remus were getting on more comfortably lately, but she couldn't quite picture her mother keeping vigil by his bedside.
Mum raised an eyebrow, looking almost sheepish. "This morning they told me you weren't likely to wake up for a while, so I thought I might have some time to spare."
Tonks squeezed her mother's shoulder in silent gratitude. Then she turned back to Madam Pomfrey, because she had about a million questions to ask. But a familiar voice came drifting faintly out of Remus's room as they drew nearer, and she held her breath to listen instead.
. * . * .
Lily stared at the image in the scrying-glass. Remus's body was lying in the hospital wing, pale and inert, but undeniably still breathing.
She stood and brushed the grass from her skirt, dropping the scrying-glass into her pocket. "I think we'd better go and talk to Dumbledore. Right now. If he doesn't know what this means, he'll know who will-and I have a feeling it might be important."
The others stood too, but Remus frowned. "How do we find Dumbledore?"
"There's, well, a place-for lack of a better word-where he usually is, just like we're usually here." James pushed his glasses up higher on his nose. "So we'll go there first. And if he's not there, we have various ways of looking for him." He grinned at Remus. "There are lots of new things you can do now. We'll have to show you."
If he stays, Lily found herself thinking. Then she gave her head a shake. Surely it wasn't possible for someone to go back-someone who wasn't bound by blood magic to a Dark wizard with a Horcrux, at least.
"We should hold hands so we don't lose each other." Lily reached out for James and Remus, and waited until Sirius caught Remus's hand on the other side. Then she focused her thoughts on Dumbledore's usual location and led the way, falling forward into swirls of white mist.
. * . * .
"...because you're going to be a great dad," Harry was saying earnestly. "You can teach him to fly, and you can show him all about things like grindylows and kappas, just like you taught us. Teddy needs you, Remus. He needs you here. And-I don't want to lose you, either, just when I was finally going to have a chance to get to know you better."
Harry started and went rather red when Tonks's awkward procession appeared in the doorway; he obviously hadn't meant his words to be overheard. Tonks mustered a reassuring smile for him.
"Wotcher, Harry. Thank you for telling Remus the kinds of things he really needs to hear."
Then her throat closed up, and her eyes were drawn to her husband-to the slow steady rise and fall of his chest, the only sign of life in the pale, still form.
"Hi, Tonks. I'm really glad you're okay." Harry stood so that Mum and Madam Pomfrey could get Tonks settled in the chair. Then he carefully placed Remus's hand in hers. With a tight, wordless smile of thanks, she clutched the lifeless fingers in both hands, as though holding on for all she was worth could help keep her husband from slipping away.
"Any change, Mr. Potter?" asked the matron, gently brushing the hair away from Remus's face so that she could feel his forehead.
"I don't think so." Harry sounded worried.
"Well," said Madam Pomfrey briskly, searching for a pulse at the wrist, "we still have him with us, then." She flicked her wand, and the soft red glow of a diagnostic spell moved along his frame. It went particularly bright around his head and his stomach, and she made a soft clucking noise, shaking her head.
"What's wrong with Remus? What happened?" The hand Tonks was holding felt cold, though not much colder than her own.
The matron pressed her lips together. "To begin with, he took a nasty Sectumsempra to the stomach."
Tonks drew a sharp breath, thinking of blood and entrails and other horrible things she'd seen when she was still an Auror.
But Madam Pomfrey spared her a grim smile. "That will be all right. I've seen him almost as bad after full moons sometimes, and I closed all the wounds and dosed him with plenty of Blood Replenishing Potion. As for the other-" Her attempt at a smile vanished completely. "He was hit in the head with some kind of Dark curse." She brushed a hand over Remus's hair again. "It should have been fatal, but it seems that something distracted the curse-caster at the last second, so the spell wasn't fully completed."
"Wasn't fully completed?" Tonks echoed, trying not to let her growing worry and frustration show in her voice-none of this was the matron's fault, after all. "What does that mean?"
"This is an extremely rare condition," Madam Pomfrey replied. "There hasn't been a confirmed case in the last hundred years or so, but there are descriptions in old books." She sighed. "Let me show you." She pointed her wand at her own chest. "Animam Revelo."
A glowing purple sphere appeared, hovering around her middle.
"That shows you that my soul is intact. If I were dead, or had been Kissed by a dementor, there would be nothing at all." She waved her wand and the sphere vanished. "Now watch what happens with Remus."
Tonks felt Mum's hand come to rest on her shoulder.
"Animam Revelo," said Madam Pomfrey again, aiming the spell at Remus this time.
No sphere appeared.
"So-so his soul is gone?" Tonks could only whisper.
"Not entirely," said Madam Pomfrey quickly. "Look there."
Tonks looked again, and this time she saw it. There was no sphere, but there was a fine purple line, like a thread, that started somewhere near Remus's heart and stretched up and up, disappearing through the ceiling overhead.
"As long as he keeps breathing-as long as that connection isn't broken-there's a possibility his soul will return." The matron hesitated. "I have to tell you that his chances of recovery are not very good. But the successful cases have always had someone in physical contact with the patient, or at least talking to him, so we've been doing both."
Tonks squeezed the thin hand that lay limply in hers. An idea came floating up, and she turned back to Madam Pomfrey with her chin raised. This was not usual procedure for the Hogwarts hospital wing, but neither was this a usual situation. "I want to lie down with him. Maybe it will help more than just holding his hand."
Madam Pomfrey looked away and blinked once, hard. "I do not bend the rules in this infirmary. And I most certainly do not have favourites among my patients, not even those I saw every month when they were at school."
Tonks ground her teeth and started to protest. Wasn't Remus's life more important than petty rules and regulations?
But then the matron jabbed her wand toward the bed and enlarged it to twice its normal width. "Which is why I must insist that you lie down at once." She rounded on Tonks with a scowl. "It is much too soon for you to be up walking around in the first place, young woman. I don't want to see you out of bed again until I say it's time."
Should've been funny, Tonks thought again, as though watching the scene from a long way off. But all she felt was a desperate need to be as close to Remus as possible.
Mum helped Tonks out of the chair and into the bed, with Harry keeping a hand on Remus's arm during the shuffle. Tonks slid under the covers and fitted herself to her husband's inert form, bringing his head to rest on her shoulder.
"I must get back to my rounds on the ward," said the matron. Her voice was a little thicker than usual.
All at once, Tonks found that she couldn't face the prospect of another hour without her son. "Would it be all right to have Teddy here with us too?"
"Certainly." Madam Pomfrey gave a brisk nod. "I'll put a Muffling Charm on this room, so the wee one can make as much noise as he likes." With that, she was gone.
"Mum, would-"
"Right away, love." Mum kissed her on the side of her head that wasn't bandaged, placed a hand on Remus's shoulder for a moment, and turned to Harry. "Would you come with me to fetch your godson and his things?"
"Glad to." Harry looked pleased to have something active he could do.
Once the room was empty, Tonks rested her forehead against her husband's. "Now you listen to me, Remus Lupin." She ran her fingertips over his face, his hair, his shoulder. His pulse fluttered faintly in his throat, and the breaths he was still taking were soft and warm on her cheek. "I'm going to tell you why you need to come back, and I won't stop talking until you do."
. * . * .
3. Finding
Lily watched, amused in spite of herself, as the white mist vanished and a narrow street from an old Continental city gently materialized around them. Dumbledore changed his surroundings rather frequently, and this was a new one.
"Different from Apparition," murmured Remus. He had acquired the absorbed expression he used to get when he found a particularly interesting magical creature or Runic inscription, and Lily smiled to see that look, so familiar even after so many years. But she watched him warily, all the same. Remus had a habit of throwing himself into intellectual puzzles when he was trying to beat back some kind of strong emotion he thought he shouldn't be having.
"Hello, hello!" came Dumbledore's cheery voice from behind them. "How delightful to see all of you." Lily turned and saw the silver-haired wizard seated at a café table, surrounded by scarlet geraniums. He was sipping a cup of coffee and sharing a plate of chocolate croissants with his long-time alchemical collaborator.
"Nicolas," said Dumbledore, "I believe you know everyone except for Remus Lupin, who's only just arrived. Remus, this is Nicolas Flamel."
Remus shook hands with the alchemist, his usual mild demeanour completely intact. "I'm honoured to meet you, sir. I've read about your work-it's remarkable."
"Ah, no," said Flamel warmly, "the pleasure is mine. I am sorry for your losses, but I welcome you here."
A second wrought-iron table with a canvas umbrella and four chairs shimmered into existence (along with extra geraniums), and there was a brief flurry of activity as the newcomers settled themselves and cups of tea and cocoa appeared.
"How are you adjusting, Remus?" Dumbledore passed him the plate of chocolate croissants.
"I'm fine, thank you, sir." Remus's voice was firm, and his gaze was steady. But Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes, and Dumbledore gave each of them a shrewd look.
"Actually, Professor," Lily broke in, "we're here because we've discovered something about Remus that's rather surprising, and we wanted to see if you knew anything about what it might mean."
The twinkle in Dumbledore's blue eyes grew more pronounced. "Most interesting. What have you found?"
Lily pulled out her scrying-glass, thought Remus Lupin, and waited for the Hogwarts hospital wing to reappear. When the view cleared, she saw that Harry had gone. Now it was Tonks keeping vigil. The bed had been widened, and the injured Auror lay next to the shell of her husband, cradling his head on her shoulder and talking to him with an expression of grim determination. Lily quickly turned the face of the glass away from Remus, unsure of what that particular image would do to his hard-won composure. But he wasn't watching, anyway-he was studiously examining a particularly large pot of geraniums. Lily's lips quirked in sympathy. She imagined it would feel awfully odd to look down on one's own self from up here.
She handed the glass across to Dumbledore. "If you look at his image carefully, you can see that he actually seems to be breathing."
"My goodness." Dumbledore held the scrying-glass so that Flamel could look into it as well. "Yes, he certainly is breathing."
"Albus," said Flamel intently, "are you thinking as I am thinking?"
Dumbledore exchanged a significant glance with his old friend. "I daresay I am." He peered over his half-moon spectacles in a way that would have been familiar to generations of Hogwarts students. "Remus, if you will permit me a rather personal question-have you, by any chance, been hearing distant voices?"
Remus looked up, startled. "Yes, I have been, actually. But I can't make any sense of what they're saying."
Dumbledore's expression was inscrutable. "Listen for a moment, if you would. Can you identify the voice you are hearing right now, even if you can't understand the words?"
Remus closed his eyes in concentration. Everyone was silent, watching. Lily saw him swallow and turn quite pale. When he opened his eyes again, he wore a hesitant smile.
"This is probably just wishful thinking on my part, but right now, it sounds rather like Nymphadora-like the tone her voice would take when she was trying to talk me round to something."
Wordlessly, Dumbledore held up the scrying-glass. Sirius gave a low whistle, and James caught his breath.
Remus gazed at the image in the glass with the eyes of a starving man at a banquet. Lily reached over and touched his hand, and he closed his fingers gratefully over hers.
"Surely I'm not really hearing her voice?"
"I believe you are, indeed, hearing Nymphadora talk to you." Dumbledore handed the glass back to Lily, so she set it on the table in front of Remus. "Obviously, most of your soul is here now, but it seems that you still maintain a tenuous connection down below. This happens only very rarely, but if I am correct, it means you have a choice to make. You can stay here, as you are, and the connection will soon dissipate." He paused, fixing Remus with a probing look. "Or, if you wish, you can follow the connection back and return to the living."
Remus went very still, and his grip on Lily's hand tightened. "I can go back?"
"It seems that you can, indeed," said Flamel. "But I would suggest that you consider your choice very carefully. I lived down there for centuries before crossing over, and now I sometimes feel that it was time wasted-there is so much to learn on this side, so much to explore. Perhaps you would do better to remain here and begin your journey sooner rather than later."
"Neither choice is right or wrong, Remus," said Dumbledore. "But there is something else you should consider. Here, there is no injury-" he held up his right hand, which was whole and healthy-"and no illness. If you go back, you will be as you were."
Remus kept his face impassive, but Lily, still holding his hand, felt a tiny shudder sweep through his frame. She wondered what it must feel like, to be freed at last from a lifelong curse, only to have to contemplate shouldering that burden once again.
He set his jaw. "I understand," he began, "but some things are more important than-"
And then he froze.
When he spoke again, his voice was low. "Teddy's there. I can hear him crying."
They all leaned over to peer into the scrying-glass where it lay on the table. The tiny room in the hospital wing was full of people now. Harry and Neville were setting a baby basket and a large satchel on the floor within easy reach of the bed. Hermione was helping Tonks sit up. And, sure enough, Andromeda stood in the doorway with a red-faced, screaming Teddy in her arms.
In the glass, Tonks reached out for her son, and Andromeda handed him over. Tonks bent over Teddy, rocking him and crooning, and he calmed down and stopped crying. One small fist clutched at her hospital robes. Lily saw a tear roll down Tonks's cheek as she began to nurse her son.
Remus let go of Lily's hand and squared his shoulders, turning back to Dumbledore. "For me, there is only one choice. What Harry told me last summer was absolutely right-it is better for Teddy to grow up with a father than without one, even if that father is a werewolf. Raising my son is my responsibility, and I can't turn my back on that."
He looked at the scrying-glass again, where Tonks held her son close but kept her gaze fixed imploringly on the unresponsive face of the still form beside her. "And Dora waited for me for so long. She deserves more time before being widowed." He sighed, touching her image gently with the tip of one finger. "I tried to make things up to her this year-I tried to make her laugh as often as I possibly could."
And that he had done. Lily smiled a little, thinking of just how many times she'd looked in on Remus since last autumn and seen him laughing with his wife. Tonks was lovely when she laughed, with her dark eyes dancing and her hair some bright crazy colour that suited her-and him-perfectly.
"But those few months were not enough to balance all the pain I've caused her. And I promised I would never leave her and Teddy again." Remus looked around the table at his friends. "If I have a chance to go back now, and I don't take it, then I'm breaking that promise."
Sirius reached across Lily to grab Remus by the arm. He narrowed his eyes, looking dangerous. "Pretty words, Lupin. But are those the only reasons for you to go back?"
"No." Remus met the grey gaze unflinchingly. "I-I want to go back." A red flush crept up from his neck, but he didn't look away. "There is nothing I want more in the world than a chance to be happy with Dora and Teddy and make a life together as a family. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to have even as much of that life as I've already had-but now I want more."
"Good." A broad smile spread across Sirius's face. "It's about bloody time you owned up to that."
Dumbledore was smiling, too. "Go back, then, and make the most of it. You'll have time enough to spend with us when you're here again someday." Then his expression grew sombre. "But the connection won't last forever, and you've already been here for nearly an entire day. If you wish to go back, you ought to go at once."
Remus frowned. "I haven't had a chance to find my parents-or Ted."
"I'll find them for you," Lily promised, "and let them know what happened. You really should go."
Remus pushed back his chair and stood, and everyone else stood too. He caught Lily up in a great crushing hug. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear. "You always told me not to give up hoping that things would get better-and you were right."
Lily hugged him back just as tightly. She would miss him dreadfully, but she was glad he would have a chance to grow old with his family around him after all. "Give Harry my love, and Tonks and Teddy too, of course."
He turned to James, who clapped him on the back. "Make sure Teddy grows up to be a true Marauder, like his old da." James cleared his throat. "And tell Harry how proud we are of him."
Then Sirius pulled Remus into a brief but bone-crushing hug of his own. "Moony, old mate. Tell Harry I'd love for him to have the motorbike, if he wants it." He smirked. "Tell my little cousin that I had the manners not to say I told you so in reference to her romantic life." Remus flushed a bit at that, making Lily grin and James snigger. "And-" Sirius shrugged, but the casual facade was very definitely slipping-his smile was flat-out wistful. "Will you tell the sprog a tale or two about his poor old cousin Padfoot?"
"Of course." Remus gripped Sirius's shoulders. "Of course I will."
He turned back to Dumbledore and Flamel. "Monsieur Flamel, it was a pleasure to meet you, and I'm sure I'll see you again someday." The alchemist nodded gravely. "Professor, I think I'm ready-but how, exactly, do I go back?"
"Can you still hear the voices?" asked Dumbledore.
"I hear Dora," said Remus at once.
"Focus on the sound of her voice and let yourself go, the way you did when you travelled here today. As you get closer, you may start to feel her touch as well. Concentrate on those sensations, and you should be able to return your soul to your body."
"All right." Remus took a deep breath.
"There is one difficulty, however." Dumbledore's expression was earnest and slightly worried as he regarded Remus over steepled fingers. "While you've been here, you've been free of pain." He smiled at the look of incredulity that flickered across the younger man's face. "Physical pain, that is." The smile slipped away, and the look of concern reappeared. "Your body has been in a battle, and it was injured badly enough for you to be here now. When you try to go back, the pain will hit you all at once. If you let it distract you, the connection may be broken, which will send you back here again for good."
Remus swallowed hard. "I understand. But-" He smiled wryly. "Surely it can't be that much worse than after moons."
He looked around one last time at his friends and his mentor. "Goodbye. I'm glad I've seen you all, and I'm glad to know for sure I'll see you again."
"And we'll be watching you from time to time." Lily held up the scrying-glass with a watery smile.
Remus grinned back, nodding. Then his gaze turned inward, and after a moment, he was gone.
Silence filled the narrow cobbled street. Sirius was scowling darkly. Lily leaned against James, who gave her a comforting squeeze.
Remus didn't reappear.
"Well, that seems to be that," said Dumbledore gently. "But there is still plenty to be done here, especially after last night's battle." He smiled slightly. "James, Sirius-there is a new arrival from Hogwarts by the name of Colin Creevey, who is now being looked after by a pair of elderly aunts he hadn't seen since he was very small. I rather suspect that meeting Harry Potter's father and godfather would cheer him up immensely."
James and Sirius raised their eyebrows at each other in a way that Lily knew meant they were solemnly swearing to be up to no good, and her lips twitched. She hoped a little Marauding might make a lonely boy feel better.
"And Lily." Dumbledore came to stand beside her. "One of the things that Nicolas and I were discussing before you arrived was Severus." She frowned, but he held up a hand. "I know that he wasn't very...receptive...when you tried to talk to him last night. But will you try again? I believe it to be important, and his feelings toward you are complicated."
Lily nodded slowly, feeling an all-too-familiar pang of regret over a boy who tried too hard to fit in with the wrong crowd. "I will. He was my friend, once. And I do owe him for Harry."
"First, though," said Sirius firmly, catching her by the elbow, "let's have a look at Moony through that glass of yours."
. * . * .
Tonks sat propped up against the headboard of the widened hospital bed. Her left hip was firmly wedged against her husband's side, and her left hand found his shoulder or his head whenever it was free. Her right arm was full of Teddy, who squirmed slightly as she patted him on the back, and the icy knot of worry twisting her heart eased just a little when she held him close and breathed in his familiar baby scent.
"You should see your son, Remus. He was fussing like anything when Mum brought him in, but now he's settled back down, just as if-" she swallowed-"as if nothing had happened." She gazed at Teddy, entranced as always by his tiny hands, his small rapt face, and his ever-changing hair. "His hair's gone all red and blue, sort of blotchy. I think he was looking at the stripes on Harry's T-shirt."
Harry had been every bit the doting godfather, striding proudly alongside Mum and Teddy and carrying a large satchel stuffed with toys, nappies, and baby clothes. The friends who'd been looking after Teddy at home turned out to be Hermione and young Neville Longbottom, and they'd come along to Hogwarts too. Tonks was happy to see that both of them made a point of talking to Remus. In fact, Neville made a particularly impassioned plea for him to come back. All at once, Tonks remembered that the last thing she'd seen before Bellatrix found her was Remus firing hexes at Dolohov one moment and defending Neville and another student the next-and she suddenly understood why such an uninspired fighter had been able to take Remus down. But then Hermione, seeing her face, whispered in her ear that it was also Neville who'd hit Dolohov in the back with a hex, drawing him away from the fallen Remus before it was altogether too late.
The three young people had just left for the Burrow. Mum sat in the chair next to the bed, her watchful eyes moving from Tonks, to Teddy, to Remus, and back. Tonks's scratchy, tired voice was the only sound in the little room, which was quiet behind the Muffling Charm that Madam Pomfrey had cast for Teddy's sake.
And then, Remus's breath hitched.
He stirred.
Tonks froze, her eyes locked on his face.
He stirred again, and winced. His quiet, even breathing turned to ragged gasps.
"Mum," Tonks choked. "Find Madam Pomfrey. Something's happening."
Without a word, Mum hurried off.
Remus drew a few more laboured breaths, and then seemed to quiet again. Tonks shifted her hold on Teddy and slid down in the bed until her face was right beside her husband's. Reaching out with a shaking hand, she stroked his hair. "It'll be all right," she said desperately. "You'll be all right. You'll come back to us. Please, Remus."
His eyes opened.
Tonks felt her heart start beating again.
Remus saw her. The look of love and longing in his warm brown eyes was unmistakable. Then he shifted his gaze until he found Teddy. He looked back at Tonks, and the lines of pain on his face were eased by a smile of pure joy.
"Hi," he whispered.
"Hi yourself," she breathed, afraid to look away for even a second.
He seemed to gather his strength, and then he spoke again. "Sirius sends his love."
"You were-there? You talked to him?"
Remus nodded, and Tonks shivered, finding his hand and threading her fingers through his.
"He said something else, too." His voice was so faint, Tonks bent closer to hear better-and when she did, she caught sight of the tiniest hint of a wicked gleam in his eye.
Remus paused for a heartbeat. "He said-and I quote-'Bloody hell! I've been avenged by Molly Weasley?'"
Tonks had an instant mental image of Sirius, leaning artlessly up against some wall or other with his arms crossed and his eyes wide with exaggerated disbelief. She felt her lips twitch. All at once, something came bubbling up that she almost didn't recognize until it burst out as a snort, and then a chuckle. And then she was laughing.
Things were funny again.
. * . * .
Lily knew that she was grinning like a fool as she watched Tonks laugh and Remus light up at the sight.
"Oi," said Sirius affectionately. He pulled the scrying-glass out of her fingers and turned it face down on the grass. "Let's give them a little privacy if they're going to snog like that."
James was grinning, too. "Moony'll do all right for himself, down there." He leaned back against the shady tree that had become Lily's favourite. "But you know, I think we should keep the meadow here for a while."
"I'd like that." Lily hugged her knees to her chest and smiled, listening to the birdsong.
. * fin * .
"Warp and Weft" series index