[Ficlet -- Chalion] Clean Slate

[shimotsuki]

Work has been really, really busy -- pretty much ever since the winter holidays. I had high hopes for fic writing during my time off two weeks ago, but not a lot got done.

So this is neither (1) my new "Order" chapter, (2) a "Kaleidoscope" update, (3) my contribution to the Ides of March HP event at fandomfusion, or even (4) the tiny Cazaril/Betriz ficlet I'

Comments

[jncar]

It was a really nice idea to revisit Caz's not so glorious return to Valenda like this. I can imagine how ashamed that boy would feel if he was faced with that kind of realization.

This was a nice glimpse into a "coming of age" incident, when a young man is forced to re-evaluate the naive and prejudiced beliefs of his childhood and grow into a wiser man. I like the realism of it--I think that most people really do gain their understanding of the adult world through small moments and minor incidents that makes us open our eyes and our minds a little wider. You captured that very well.

And Caz's good-natured reprimand was very in character.

I like short fic--it's almost all I have time for anymore!

[shimotsuki]

Short fic definitely has its appeal!

Thanks a lot for the comments; I especially appreciate your perspective as someone who has been spending time lately thinking about the structure of fiction. I'm glad you thought this works as a concrete moment of growth for the bath boy.

And good old Cazaril -- once he got over his initial tendency to quietly panic, I'm sure he'd handle the situation with humor and aplomb. ;)

[mrstater]

What a treat this was to wake up to! That scene at the baths is so painful to read, so it's nice to see Caz get his name cleared even in this (and to see Gomo learn about not making judgments).

You've made Gomo so endearing with the way he gawks at all the noblemen and women in Valenda, and wanting to see his teen idol Bergon. ;) And I had to laugh at him fearing Caz would throw him in the dungeon and shut down the baths, lol.

Really good job. Hope you find more snatches of writing time!

[shimotsuki]

That scene at the baths is so painful to read

Oh, I know -- LMB sets that up so well, too, because Caz keeps thinking about how much he wants a nice hot bath even before he gets to Valenda, and then as soon as he thinks he's getting one, wham. :(

I'm glad you liked Gomo, especially since he's almost an OC, heh. (It was fun thinking up a pseudo-Spanish name, too.) I decided he'd imagine a powerful lord would be bent on revenge after being wronged...

Thanks for the comments. I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed this!

[gilpin25]

Not that I'm copying jncar's first line, but this scene is such a nice idea - and the title so very apt.

I think you captured a very young teenage boy admirably, particularly in his vocabulary and movements. Gomo sounds a bundle of pent-up energy as he dashed outside and gazed hungrily at the horses, and is filled with excitement and slight hero worship at the thought of seeing the gallant, daring and young Bergon.

How perfect, then, that it's another splendid (and gallant), older figure that takes his breath away. It's a nice moment to see Caz through Gomo's frightened eyes, and the fact that his stern mouth softens into a half-amused/resigned smile is what we expect, of course, but Gomo doesn't. I spent a good two minutes imagining Caz's thoughts at this point, lol.

I like the idea at the end that Bergon is all but forgotten, and Caz may have a teenage fan of his own who has learnt a valuable lesson that day. He deserves a fan club!

[shimotsuki]

Thanks so much, especially for the comments on Gomo's characterization -- I was trying to think from his worldview. (I had actually wanted to say a lot more about Caz, but concluded much of it was things that Gomo simply wouldn't have seen, or been able to verbalize if he had!)

I spent a good two minutes imagining Caz's thoughts at this point, lol.

Hee! I wonder what you came up with? ;) I was thinking his first reaction might well be panic and remembered shame, until he realized how terrified Gomo actually was.

Now that you mention it, I like the idea of Gomo becoming Cazaril's loyal lifelong defender among the townsfolk of Valenda. Caz certainly does deserve a fan club!

[gilpin25]

Hee! I wonder what you came up with? ;)

Acute embarrassment (I think Gomo's vile criminal would be resounding in Caz's own head, too), momentary shame at times not long past, then wry amusement at the slowly dawning realisation that clothes and appearance really do make a man - and, also, hide him?

It was a nice two minute daydream, so thanks for that!

[shimotsuki]

All that would be very Caz, wouldn't it? I was definitely thinking along those same lines.

[kerravonsen]

Oh yes, this fits so well. It warms my heart to see that ghost of shame laid to rest.

[shimotsuki]

Thanks for the kind words! I'm glad you think this fits into (well, after) the story.

[sahiya]

Oh, I like this a lot! That scene in the baths is so heartbreaking, I love the little bit of closure Caz gets here.

[shimotsuki]

That was a heartbreaking scene, wasn't it! Thanks for the comment -- I'm happy to hear you enjoyed this.