Concrit Post (Beta)

[sherlockbbc_fic]

This is an entirely optional and opt-in constructive criticism post.

The idea is that people who want to receive constructive criticism can start a thread here by either

a) posting their fill here first to receive brit-picking/suggestions for improvement prior to posting the fill as a response to the prompt
or
b) linking to their fill after it's been

Comments

Creatively constipated - need a kick in pants or something

[anonymous]

I haven't really written for several years because of personal stuff that was going on, I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing, but sometimes it's like trying to squeeze blood from a stone.

So I'm doing this fill here: http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/10038.html?thread=49359158#t49359158

and I'm just stuck on where to go with it. I wanted to make it slashy, since my own experiences with bromo-mescaline were intensely erotic. But I've just hit a wall. Suggestions? Concrit? HALP?? Thanks!

Re: Creatively constipated - need a kick in pants or something

[anonymous]

Right now, John's nearly getting off to the music. Do he and Sherlock have an established sexual relationship? John's not in his right mind, Sherlock might find interacting with John uncomfortable since John's likely going to be pretty mad about the drugs when they wear off, would he try to back off interacting with John to prevent some likely future awkwardness or worse? What about John, does he want to do this specifically with Sherlock or would any source of sensation do? Is he as far out of himself on the drugs as he appears to be, is he resisting the effects, will he try resisting if he suddenly realises Sherlock might not be comfortable helping him get off, even if it's from across the room with sound waves. Or could John be playing into the sensations because he wants to do this kind of thing with Sherlock and has for a while, but hasn't found the nerve to make an approach

Re: Creatively constipated - need a kick in pants or something

[anonymous]

I was considering having Sherlock bring John to orgasm by playing the violin, just to see if it was possible and being completely boggled when it actually happens - as the Sherlock in my head!canon tells himself that he's a sociopath because it's an easier pill to swallow then being socially cripped by immense intellect.

To be honest, I wish I could delete part 2 and rewrite it entirely - you bring up some really excellent points, and I think I was focusing too much on John's actual trip, verses moving things along emotionally. A bad trip on 2C-B seems an improbability, but you're absolutely right when you point out that unexpected hallucinations of any kind would likely be deeply unsettling.

Thank you so much - loving this concrit post.

Re: Creatively constipated - need a kick in pants or something

[anonymous]

DA

A bad trip on 2C-B seems an improbability, but you're absolutely right when you point out that unexpected hallucinations of any kind would likely be deeply unsettling.

Something to think about that I wasn't sure of when reading your fic: Has John ever used hallucinogens before in this story world? If not, that could go a long way to contributing to a freak out if that's the direction you want to go. Or, if he had, but had a bad experience and this kind of brought him back to it...

(Also, on a purely subjective note, your idea of having Sherlock bring him to orgasm by playing sounds like the hottest thing ever).

(On another subjective note, your fic has really made me want to try 2C-B. Which is a good sign -- you're doing a really good job describing the drug experience in a way that is very visceral, and makes it sound intriguing and desirable in a "whelp, I love hallucinogens, and this sounds interesting" way....).

Re: Creatively constipated - need a kick in pants or something

[anonymous]

DA

Even if you can't delete your second part you can rewrite and post it and include an author's note - but I'm not sure that's necessary; you haven't gone very far along yet in part 2, plenty of time to work in emotional complications if you want.

Part 1 was John's POV, and 2 is now Sherlock's - you could switch back to John's POV if you want, show how everything feels to him, what he's been feeling emotionally too. You mention Sherlock's 'reluctant fondness' so sounds like they're not intimate, but we don't yet know how John feels.

Anyway, I'm really enjoying it, so hope you get unstuck!