It's Sunday, but it feels like any other day.

[sheribomb]

The biggest question I had to pose to myself today was whether drinking a beer after taking zanax was a good idea, or a bad one. With the advice of one of my gay neighbors, I chose to lay off imbibing, at least until (or if) a plan forms for tonight that requires the consumption of alcohol

Comments

[sheribomb]

It wouldn't be bad except that my meds are for social anxiety disorder. And seeing as though I stand in front of rooms of kids all day (and party in bars all night) I am not sure if this is a risk I am willing to take.

But yes, I will definitely be talking to Doc about this soon.

[sheribomb]

Well see, the problem isn't that I can't speak in front of people. I used to compete in speech and interview competitions. I love being the center of attention. I would, in fact, sell my brother's left nut to become a comedian, and stand in front of all of those people. The problem is that sometime in 2003-2004, I suddenly became unable to go anywhere in public without getting panic attacks and vomiting. It put quite a damper on my social life. I felt uncomfortable in movie theaters, or (obviously) in bars, in uncrowded restaurants, even sitting in the back of lecture halls. I just became *uncomfortable* being anywhere in public.

But as I said before, I will talk to my doctor again. The problem is that, as of last year, there is no other med they can put me on, and no one (including myself) thinks I am at a place to take myself off of them just quite yet.

"And everyone is always asking, 'Are you in or are you out?' "

[espvivisection]

I just wanted to say that I think it's okay *not* to know. And if you're open to therapy, then you'll probably get something out of it. But even if, as you say, you were "wrong" all these years, you weren't wrong you know? You were just walking the way you needed to in order to get where you were going. Coming out isn't the same for everyone. Sometimes people just know; sometimes its a tenuous process.

Either way, I hope you find your happiness.

"And I think, 'Hmmm, not what is this about?' "

Re: "And everyone is always asking, 'Are you in or are you out?' "

[sheribomb]

Thanks Diana.

This has, truthfully, been eating me up inside for the last few months. And I just think I need to get an opinion other than my that of my gay neighbors. Because we all know what they're rooting for...

[schuldbesef]

I think Cookie Monster's got a good idea. There are a variety of relaxing/happy pills that all have their own nifty negative consequences. Maybe you just need to find out which ones you can deal with the best?

I'd recommend the ones that slow you down so much you think you are happy when you are just staring at static on the tv. It seems to work well for my parents, they seem happy. Other people I've met have used them to block out happiness in their life and embrace a really pathetic excuse for a husband, and they seem happy too. ;-)

Anyways, you know this already... but your friends all love you and support you regardless of what happens.

Miss you,

B

[sheribomb]

I am coming into town July 25 and staying until August 5. We need to get together. I have a million things to tell you.

And thank you for your support...it means the world to me.

good timing...

[schuldbesef]

I'll be returning from Ken & Georgi's wedding the same day.