The Guilt Ridden Scientist
Title: The Guilt Ridden Scientist
Author: seramercury
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: language
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 2,190 words
Prompt: Written for leafiesgirl who wanted John and Rodney with H/C. And really, I am not in love with this title. That is one thing about writing I can never seem to master. LOL!
Characters: Rodney, John, Jeannie
I nearly jumped out of bed when my cell phone rang. I glanced over at the clock. Who the hell would be calling at three am? I was bit worried because Caleb had taken Maddie with him to see his Mom. I would have gone too, but I've been busy with work.
Hoping everything was all right, I picked up my phone and was surprised to see Mere's name appear on the caller ID. He wasn't supposed to be back on Earth for another few weeks. "Mere?" I said.
"Jeannie..."
Just the way he said my name I knew something was wrong. "Where are you, Mere?"
"On your front porch."
"I'm coming down," I replied, hanging up the phone.
A million and one thoughts came to mind and the first and foremost was the death of one of his friends. Mere may not seem like a very caring person but ever since joining the Atlantis expedition, he's changed quite a bit.
When I opened the door, I thought my knees would give out. Mere's arm was in a sling and his face was pale and drawn in contrast to the dark bruising on his face. His expression seemed haunted and it was starting to scare me.
I quickly ushered him into the house and up the stairs to the guest room. The whole time this happened, Mere did not say a word, not even when I handed him some Ibuprofen and a hot cup of tea.
"Mere?" I asked, almost afraid to hear his response.
He quietly answered, "It was my fault..."
****
"Right there!" Rodney said, pointing towards a building on the edge of a cliff.
John shook his head. "Rodney, are you nuts? That thing could probably fall over with a sneeze and you want to check it out?"
"Why not? I mean, if one of us goes in very slowly and carefully, besides there's an energy reading inside that is five times more powerful than a ZedPM."
"Perhaps we should go back to the Stargate to see if they could send some equipment to help us obtain this energy reading," Teyla suggested.
John pointed at her, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, that's a great idea. Why don't you and Ronon do that and I'll keep Mr. Wizard from venturing in any further."
Teyla and Ronon exchanged glances. Although they had heard John referring to Rodney as 'Mr. Wizard', they never did learn what it meant. They just chalked it up to yet another Earth reference they would probably never understand.
Of course, while John had his back turned, Rodney was on the front steps of the building. He wasn't an engineer (well, close enough) but he just knew it could hold his weight.
"Rodney!" John warned.
Rodney waved him off. "I'm fine, Sheppard," he replied, not taking his eyes off his equipment.
John decided to move a bit closer, just in case he had to pull Rodney away from a collapsing building. Suddenly the ground beneath them began to shake, causing Rodney fall into the main door.
"Shit!" John exclaimed, jumping in after his friend.
The quake caused the building to collapse in on itself. John tried desperately to protect Rodney from falling debris. It wouldn't have been so bad either if the damn thing didn't decide to topple over the side of the cliff.
Rodney screamed John's name as something slammed into him and Rodney slumped over unconscious. The roaring of the falling building came to a stop and all was silent. Oh how Rodney wished he hadn't gotten of bed this morning!
When John woke up pain was emanating from every part of his body. Hearing a noise to his left, he glanced over to see Rodney favoring his left arm and looking around for something. John tried to call for him, but began coughing furiously instead.
"Hey, take it easy!" Rodney said, moving to John's side.
John squinted in the semi-darkness at his friend. "What happened?"
Rodney was glad it there wasn't much light so John wouldn't see the guilt on his face. "Earthquake caused the entire building to collapse on itself and then fall down the cliff. "We've been down here for almost an hour now. I'm not sure what's keeping Ronon and Teyla. I lost my radio and yours is broken. It's kinda hard for me to fix it with one hand, but even if I had both available, I'm not really sure I could."
"What?" John gasped, trying to get more comfortable. He stopped when a wave of dizziness washed over him. Something wasn't right but he would deal with that later. It's not like Rodney could do anything about it anyway. "Is Rodney McKay admitting that there's a problem he can't solve?"
Rodney grunted, but didn't reply to that question. Instead he asked, "How are you feeling? I couldn't see anything other than the bruise on your cheek and I felt a bump on the back of your head. When Ronon and Teyla get down here, I am so gonna kick their asses, though! I mean, what the hell! You would have had them down here in two seconds flat!"
"Rodney," John said, but the scientist continued to rant as he checked through their supplies. He could see his friend staring at the items he was pulling out in disgust. Finally, John exclaimed, "Rodney!"
"WHAT?" Rodney exclaimed just as loud, causing John to wince at the sound. "Uh... sorry about that. What is it?"
"Um, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but I think I'm bleeding."
Rodney's eyes widened, but he relaxed a moment later. "Of course you are. You hit your head pretty hard. I'm not really..."
"No, Rodney, my side."
For the first time since John regained consciousness, he saw Rodney pale. "Oh my God! How the hell did I miss that! How long have you known that was there!"
"I wasn't really sure about it until I tried to sit up," John replied. "I... I landed on something. And Rodney. I can't feel my legs."
****
My eyes widened as I listened to my brother. He suddenly sat up, hugging me and sobbing. "Shh, it's all right, Rodney."
"No, it's not all right!" Mere exclaimed, pulling from my grasp. "Don't you understand? This is my fault! I fucking did this! I should have waited for Ronon and Teyla to get back with help! I should have listened to him! Now he may never walk again because I had to be such a fucking idiot!"
This wasn't right! Nothing about this was right! Mere shouldn't be feeling this guilt and John Sheppard shouldn't be paralyzed. Neither man was going to be able to remain on Atlantis after this. Mere wouldn't stay because of the guilt he harbored.
"Why don't you try to get some rest now, Mere?" I suggested.
"No, I can't sleep!"
I sighed. "All right, then finish telling me what happened and what led you here."
With a slow nod, Mere continued....
****
"I'm sure it's only temporary!" Rodney replied, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. "We'll get you back to Atlantis and Beckett will put you together in no time."
John shook his head, not entirely certain he was even going to last a trip back to Atlantis. He was bleeding far too much and he was exhausted. John knew that when he fell victim to his injuries, he wouldn't be waking up again.
Rodney grabbed a blanket from his pack and placed it over John. "Your shivering," Rodney explained, not even wanting to think how much deep that object his friend landed on had gone, "and I think you have a fever."
"Yeah," John replied. "Rodney, it's not your fault."
Rodney paused. "You have a right to your opinion, I guess."
"It's not a fucking opinion, Rodney! It's fact!"
"If I hadn't decided to just stand there on those steps like an idiot..."
"And what? Cause an earthquake? Rodney, we both know you're good, but you're not that good!"
Rodney shrugged and turned away, not wanting to look at John at the moment. He turned back a moment later though, worried that his friend was going to die and then he would never see him again.
"Either way, I'm sorry, John."
"SHEPPARD! MCKAY!"
John smiled as his injuries finally began to take over. "I know you are, Rodney," he whispered, eyes closing.
Rodney reached for his wrist, trying frantically to find a pulse. It was there, steady but strong. When Ronon appeared, he said, "We've gotta get him back to Atlantis now!"
****
"John didn't wake up until a week later because Carson put him in a medically induced coma. His head injury wasn't as bad as I thought. I always forget that they tend to bleed a lot no matter how severe. He had a three broken ribs and two cracked. Carson thought it'd be best if he wasn't conscious for the first week while they healed."
I nodded and waited for Rodney to tell me more about John and his injuries. I could tell he was struggling for how to say the next words. He probably thinks that saying them out loud that he's making it real.
"Mere..."
"Carson doesn't believe John will walk again," he finally admitted.
I stare at him just for a moment before I replied, "Then what the hell are you doing here, Meredith? John is going to need you now more than ever and you're feeling sorry for yourself? This is what's going to happen. You are going to spend the night here and in the morning, I'm taking you back to the SGC where you will thus return to Atlantis and be there for your friend! Someone, who I am quite certain, you wouldn't be here without."
I watched as Mere quietly digested what I just told him. He muttered an okay and laid on the bed. I sat with him as he drifted off to sleep. I understand his feelings. Guilt is a very powerful emotion and I have felt it on more than one occasion myself, but when your friend needs you the most you cannot afford to feel guilty.
****
I dropped Mere off and watched as he stood at the foot of the Gate. He glanced back at me. "Um... I cleared it with General Landry. He said you're welcome to come to Atlantis. We have a scheduled dial in a few hours so you could come back then."
"It would be nice to see everyone again but right now I think you need to go by yourself, Mere. Your friends need you right now and Caleb and Maddie should be back soon. I promised Maddie I'd take her to see a movie since I've been working too much lately."
Mere nodded with a smile as he gave me a hug. "Thanks for everything, Jeannie. Give them my love and I'll be back for a Thanksgiving... without tofurkey!"
"Of course, Mere," I replied with a chuckle as the Stargate activated. With a final wave, he was gone.
Not even twenty minutes after I got home, there was message from Mere in my e-mail. I opened it right away.
To: jmiller1121@airforce.gov
From: rmckay@airforce.gov
Date: 8/16/2009 @ 1227
Subject: You were right (don't ever repeat that to anyone)
Jeannie, you were right. John needed me. We talked at length about everything that happened...
****
Rodney quietly entered John's quarters. His friend was still asleep so he sat down in the chair that had been left next to the bed. Since Rodney was rarely the type of person to deal with touchy feely emotions, he decided to talk to John while he was asleep.
"Hey, Sheppard. You probably think I'm a complete idiot for not actually talking to you, but I don't really care because it's you and not someone else. I know you don't blame me for what happened to you and I appreciate that, but it's gonna take some time for me to not blame myself. I think you should understand that.
"Anyway, enough of my guilt. No matter what happens I will always be here for you. I realize that this is going to take some getting used to for you and I will do everything in my power to make it an easier road for you to get through. It's the least I could do since you saved my life and all."
Rodney nearly jumped out his chair when John's eyes opened and he began to speak. "That's really sweet, Rodney. I'll be sure to tell Ronon about it after our jog."
"What the hell! You ass! Why didn't you tell me you were awake?" Rodney exclaimed, not yet noticing that John was standing and moving around the room.
John shrugged. "You didn't ask."
Rodney blinked. "Wait a minute. Jogging with Ronon? You're standing!"
"Nothing can get by you, Rodney."
"You can't jog yet... can you?"
"Well, no," John replied, "not yet anyway. Carson would kick my ass!"
"But you're... you're all right?"
John smiled, patting Rodney on the shoulder. "Yeah, buddy, I'm all right."
Author: seramercury
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: language
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 2,190 words
Prompt: Written for leafiesgirl who wanted John and Rodney with H/C. And really, I am not in love with this title. That is one thing about writing I can never seem to master. LOL!
Characters: Rodney, John, Jeannie
I nearly jumped out of bed when my cell phone rang. I glanced over at the clock. Who the hell would be calling at three am? I was bit worried because Caleb had taken Maddie with him to see his Mom. I would have gone too, but I've been busy with work.
Hoping everything was all right, I picked up my phone and was surprised to see Mere's name appear on the caller ID. He wasn't supposed to be back on Earth for another few weeks. "Mere?" I said.
"Jeannie..."
Just the way he said my name I knew something was wrong. "Where are you, Mere?"
"On your front porch."
"I'm coming down," I replied, hanging up the phone.
A million and one thoughts came to mind and the first and foremost was the death of one of his friends. Mere may not seem like a very caring person but ever since joining the Atlantis expedition, he's changed quite a bit.
When I opened the door, I thought my knees would give out. Mere's arm was in a sling and his face was pale and drawn in contrast to the dark bruising on his face. His expression seemed haunted and it was starting to scare me.
I quickly ushered him into the house and up the stairs to the guest room. The whole time this happened, Mere did not say a word, not even when I handed him some Ibuprofen and a hot cup of tea.
"Mere?" I asked, almost afraid to hear his response.
He quietly answered, "It was my fault..."
****
"Right there!" Rodney said, pointing towards a building on the edge of a cliff.
John shook his head. "Rodney, are you nuts? That thing could probably fall over with a sneeze and you want to check it out?"
"Why not? I mean, if one of us goes in very slowly and carefully, besides there's an energy reading inside that is five times more powerful than a ZedPM."
"Perhaps we should go back to the Stargate to see if they could send some equipment to help us obtain this energy reading," Teyla suggested.
John pointed at her, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, that's a great idea. Why don't you and Ronon do that and I'll keep Mr. Wizard from venturing in any further."
Teyla and Ronon exchanged glances. Although they had heard John referring to Rodney as 'Mr. Wizard', they never did learn what it meant. They just chalked it up to yet another Earth reference they would probably never understand.
Of course, while John had his back turned, Rodney was on the front steps of the building. He wasn't an engineer (well, close enough) but he just knew it could hold his weight.
"Rodney!" John warned.
Rodney waved him off. "I'm fine, Sheppard," he replied, not taking his eyes off his equipment.
John decided to move a bit closer, just in case he had to pull Rodney away from a collapsing building. Suddenly the ground beneath them began to shake, causing Rodney fall into the main door.
"Shit!" John exclaimed, jumping in after his friend.
The quake caused the building to collapse in on itself. John tried desperately to protect Rodney from falling debris. It wouldn't have been so bad either if the damn thing didn't decide to topple over the side of the cliff.
Rodney screamed John's name as something slammed into him and Rodney slumped over unconscious. The roaring of the falling building came to a stop and all was silent. Oh how Rodney wished he hadn't gotten of bed this morning!
When John woke up pain was emanating from every part of his body. Hearing a noise to his left, he glanced over to see Rodney favoring his left arm and looking around for something. John tried to call for him, but began coughing furiously instead.
"Hey, take it easy!" Rodney said, moving to John's side.
John squinted in the semi-darkness at his friend. "What happened?"
Rodney was glad it there wasn't much light so John wouldn't see the guilt on his face. "Earthquake caused the entire building to collapse on itself and then fall down the cliff. "We've been down here for almost an hour now. I'm not sure what's keeping Ronon and Teyla. I lost my radio and yours is broken. It's kinda hard for me to fix it with one hand, but even if I had both available, I'm not really sure I could."
"What?" John gasped, trying to get more comfortable. He stopped when a wave of dizziness washed over him. Something wasn't right but he would deal with that later. It's not like Rodney could do anything about it anyway. "Is Rodney McKay admitting that there's a problem he can't solve?"
Rodney grunted, but didn't reply to that question. Instead he asked, "How are you feeling? I couldn't see anything other than the bruise on your cheek and I felt a bump on the back of your head. When Ronon and Teyla get down here, I am so gonna kick their asses, though! I mean, what the hell! You would have had them down here in two seconds flat!"
"Rodney," John said, but the scientist continued to rant as he checked through their supplies. He could see his friend staring at the items he was pulling out in disgust. Finally, John exclaimed, "Rodney!"
"WHAT?" Rodney exclaimed just as loud, causing John to wince at the sound. "Uh... sorry about that. What is it?"
"Um, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but I think I'm bleeding."
Rodney's eyes widened, but he relaxed a moment later. "Of course you are. You hit your head pretty hard. I'm not really..."
"No, Rodney, my side."
For the first time since John regained consciousness, he saw Rodney pale. "Oh my God! How the hell did I miss that! How long have you known that was there!"
"I wasn't really sure about it until I tried to sit up," John replied. "I... I landed on something. And Rodney. I can't feel my legs."
****
My eyes widened as I listened to my brother. He suddenly sat up, hugging me and sobbing. "Shh, it's all right, Rodney."
"No, it's not all right!" Mere exclaimed, pulling from my grasp. "Don't you understand? This is my fault! I fucking did this! I should have waited for Ronon and Teyla to get back with help! I should have listened to him! Now he may never walk again because I had to be such a fucking idiot!"
This wasn't right! Nothing about this was right! Mere shouldn't be feeling this guilt and John Sheppard shouldn't be paralyzed. Neither man was going to be able to remain on Atlantis after this. Mere wouldn't stay because of the guilt he harbored.
"Why don't you try to get some rest now, Mere?" I suggested.
"No, I can't sleep!"
I sighed. "All right, then finish telling me what happened and what led you here."
With a slow nod, Mere continued....
****
"I'm sure it's only temporary!" Rodney replied, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. "We'll get you back to Atlantis and Beckett will put you together in no time."
John shook his head, not entirely certain he was even going to last a trip back to Atlantis. He was bleeding far too much and he was exhausted. John knew that when he fell victim to his injuries, he wouldn't be waking up again.
Rodney grabbed a blanket from his pack and placed it over John. "Your shivering," Rodney explained, not even wanting to think how much deep that object his friend landed on had gone, "and I think you have a fever."
"Yeah," John replied. "Rodney, it's not your fault."
Rodney paused. "You have a right to your opinion, I guess."
"It's not a fucking opinion, Rodney! It's fact!"
"If I hadn't decided to just stand there on those steps like an idiot..."
"And what? Cause an earthquake? Rodney, we both know you're good, but you're not that good!"
Rodney shrugged and turned away, not wanting to look at John at the moment. He turned back a moment later though, worried that his friend was going to die and then he would never see him again.
"Either way, I'm sorry, John."
"SHEPPARD! MCKAY!"
John smiled as his injuries finally began to take over. "I know you are, Rodney," he whispered, eyes closing.
Rodney reached for his wrist, trying frantically to find a pulse. It was there, steady but strong. When Ronon appeared, he said, "We've gotta get him back to Atlantis now!"
****
"John didn't wake up until a week later because Carson put him in a medically induced coma. His head injury wasn't as bad as I thought. I always forget that they tend to bleed a lot no matter how severe. He had a three broken ribs and two cracked. Carson thought it'd be best if he wasn't conscious for the first week while they healed."
I nodded and waited for Rodney to tell me more about John and his injuries. I could tell he was struggling for how to say the next words. He probably thinks that saying them out loud that he's making it real.
"Mere..."
"Carson doesn't believe John will walk again," he finally admitted.
I stare at him just for a moment before I replied, "Then what the hell are you doing here, Meredith? John is going to need you now more than ever and you're feeling sorry for yourself? This is what's going to happen. You are going to spend the night here and in the morning, I'm taking you back to the SGC where you will thus return to Atlantis and be there for your friend! Someone, who I am quite certain, you wouldn't be here without."
I watched as Mere quietly digested what I just told him. He muttered an okay and laid on the bed. I sat with him as he drifted off to sleep. I understand his feelings. Guilt is a very powerful emotion and I have felt it on more than one occasion myself, but when your friend needs you the most you cannot afford to feel guilty.
****
I dropped Mere off and watched as he stood at the foot of the Gate. He glanced back at me. "Um... I cleared it with General Landry. He said you're welcome to come to Atlantis. We have a scheduled dial in a few hours so you could come back then."
"It would be nice to see everyone again but right now I think you need to go by yourself, Mere. Your friends need you right now and Caleb and Maddie should be back soon. I promised Maddie I'd take her to see a movie since I've been working too much lately."
Mere nodded with a smile as he gave me a hug. "Thanks for everything, Jeannie. Give them my love and I'll be back for a Thanksgiving... without tofurkey!"
"Of course, Mere," I replied with a chuckle as the Stargate activated. With a final wave, he was gone.
Not even twenty minutes after I got home, there was message from Mere in my e-mail. I opened it right away.
To: jmiller1121@airforce.gov
From: rmckay@airforce.gov
Date: 8/16/2009 @ 1227
Subject: You were right (don't ever repeat that to anyone)
Jeannie, you were right. John needed me. We talked at length about everything that happened...
****
Rodney quietly entered John's quarters. His friend was still asleep so he sat down in the chair that had been left next to the bed. Since Rodney was rarely the type of person to deal with touchy feely emotions, he decided to talk to John while he was asleep.
"Hey, Sheppard. You probably think I'm a complete idiot for not actually talking to you, but I don't really care because it's you and not someone else. I know you don't blame me for what happened to you and I appreciate that, but it's gonna take some time for me to not blame myself. I think you should understand that.
"Anyway, enough of my guilt. No matter what happens I will always be here for you. I realize that this is going to take some getting used to for you and I will do everything in my power to make it an easier road for you to get through. It's the least I could do since you saved my life and all."
Rodney nearly jumped out his chair when John's eyes opened and he began to speak. "That's really sweet, Rodney. I'll be sure to tell Ronon about it after our jog."
"What the hell! You ass! Why didn't you tell me you were awake?" Rodney exclaimed, not yet noticing that John was standing and moving around the room.
John shrugged. "You didn't ask."
Rodney blinked. "Wait a minute. Jogging with Ronon? You're standing!"
"Nothing can get by you, Rodney."
"You can't jog yet... can you?"
"Well, no," John replied, "not yet anyway. Carson would kick my ass!"
"But you're... you're all right?"
John smiled, patting Rodney on the shoulder. "Yeah, buddy, I'm all right."