Title: The S.U.S. Technique
Beta:
mist72 Pairing/Character: Sheldon/Penny
Rating: PG-13 ish
Word Count: ~1,400
Spoilers: not really any, other than the fact that Penny and Sheldon are on the same show.
a/n- I'm pretty excited about this. This marks the first time in my over 10 year history of reading fanfic that I've actually written anything longer than a 100 word drabble. I've tried, but it's always digressed into nothingness. Thank you so much to Misty for the beta.
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Penny doesn't know how it started. Well, that's not entirely true. She knows exactly how and when it started. What she doesn't know is when that germ of an idea took root in her brain.
Perhaps it was the last time he made that face at her and told her she was in his seat. Or maybe it was the time he discussed the proper treatment of one's personal computing devices and the great favor he was bestowing upon her in providing tech support. More likely, though, it was the time she went with all of them to eat at a Chinese restaurant.
His adamant refusal to allow her to order her favorite sweet and sour chicken and an egg roll was just too much. He kept nattering on. His damn rules, and the dynamics of this and the mechanics of that and “we just don't.” This may or may not have been when the idea took root, of that she'll never be sure. But it was the time that she took action.
In the middle of his tirade on the necessity of evenly distributing the four dumplings she reached out, grabbed the front of his shirt and planted one right on his mouth.
Yeah, that shut him up right quick. In fact, he was so discombobulated that Penny was allowed to place her order and the waiter was on his way back to the kitchen before Sheldon came to his senses. At the odd look from her other companions Penny said, "What, it shut him up didn't it? I didn't see you guys willing to take one for the team." Sheldon, once he regained his composure, slid a little farther away from her in the booth and remained quiet the rest of the evening.
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Penny wasn't sure at what point the kissing-to-quiet-Sheldon became a habit. It had started as a desperate move to shut him up, but it had worked so well she found herself using it all the time.
The next time she tried it was when she had once again beaten his butt at Halo. Sheldon had begun his usual rant on the likelihood of her cheating. Something about her looks and lack of practice to develop such good hand eye coordination. She decided to shut him up. She grabbed his shirt, in just the same way as before, and pulled him in to kiss him quickly on the mouth. This time he tried to fight back.
"Penny, I hardly think..." kiss, "Well, that's entirely..." kiss "Really, you need to stop..." kiss. Finally he gave up and walked away to the kitchen. Again, he was quiet for the rest of the night.
After that it was easy. Sheldon got on her nerves, as he almost always did, and she grabbed him for a quick kiss. Always worked. Always shut him up for the rest of the night. He knew better than to try to give her a strike for kissing him. Imagine what his mother would say to him giving a strike to a girl for giving him a chaste kiss. No, she'd found another form of Sheldon's kryptonite and she wasn't afraid to use it.
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Penny wasn't sure exactly at what point she lost control. Everyone had been reaping the benefits of the SUS (Shut Up Sheldon) Technique, well with the possible exception of Sheldon who, lately, couldn't get a word in edgewise. After the first few awkward and questioning glances, the other guys recognized that while unusual, her technique was uniquely effective. They certainly weren't willing to put it into practice themselves. It seemed that every visit to her neighbors' apartment, every trip to a restaurant, or the store- or anywhere for that matter- involved at least four kisses, sometimes even when his tirade wasn't directed at her. Sometimes she just threw one in for the benefit of a stranger. After each one he was quiet and thoughtful and so very un-Sheldonlike that in retrospect it's easy to see how the habit was formed.
But the loss of control; Penny's not sure about that. Maybe the answer was in his quiet contemplation after each kiss. Maybe it was because a few times during the kiss she may have stuck her tongue out and licked his lips. It was unnecessary, as the usual closed mouth kisses had been working just fine, but it seemed funny at the time. She liked cracking his cool. Ah, the memories.
“Penny, FDA standards clearly dictate that consumers should purchase their dairy products at the conclusion of their visit to the supermarket. Anyone with an ounce of sense knows that the bacteria production time in fat-free milk…”
Yeah, she grabbed him to kiss him again. His insufferable arrogance drove her nuts. That mouth. Normal people just wouldn’t believe the stuff that poured out of it. She’d show him bacteria. So, after the normal peck on the lips, she opened her mouth and slid her tongue along the crease of his closed lips. She thought it would be funny and boy was she right. The look on his face when she pulled away was priceless. He stood there like a statue as she pushed the cart away. In fact, she didn’t see him again until she got to the checkout lane where he was waiting- silently.
………..
It had been such an innocent game. So, what happened this time? Penny backtracked. He'd come over to discuss her avatar's 'flagrant misuse' of Sheldor in his absence and his regret that he had shared his password for her to use. She stood up from her seat on the couch and reached for his shirt. She pulled him down so his mouth down was at her level. She puckered her lips and kissed him. No, all normal so far. Okay, so maybe this was one of the times that she had decided to throw in a little lick for free, but that wasn't totally unusual. No, the unusual part was how he didn't back away, how he stood there looking her in the eye, thinking.
After what felt like hours- but was more likely 30 seconds- he reached down to grab her waist and spun her so that her back pressed against her apartment door. This is where Penny lost control of the situation. This was definitely the moment, because it was at that moment when Sheldon kissed her back. His mouth met hers with a ferocity that she had previously been unaware existed in him. This was no longer her game. They weren't playing Shut Up Sheldon. They were playing Sheldon wants some and Penny's gonna give, and strangely enough she found her body responding. She wanted to play too. This is so strange she thought, her tongue tangling with his. Here she stood, on her tip toes, making out with Sheldon of all people and it felt strangely natural. I wonder how that happened she thought. Before she could dedicate her thought processes to that train, Sheldon grabbed the back of her thigh and pulled her knee around his waist. He pressed into her and all thought went out the window.
Penny found herself grinding back, seeking any and all contact she could find with his body. He slid his hand further up her thigh and her body responded. Yeah, almost there, just a little further. Please! Her hands that had still been grasping the front of his Superman t-shirt, slid underneath on their own accord. Her body was craving skin to skin contact and she wasn't giving a single sentient thought to it. This was instinct, this was horniness, this was nature taking it's... oh hell yes, she thought as his hand slid home.
These days Penny didn't give so much contemplation to the origins of things. She still used the SUS Technique. It’s just that now, by the time they were done, everyone else had left and she was all sweaty. That was totally okay with her. Whatever he'd been thinking about all those quiet times before, he was putting it into practice now. He was a genius after all, he must have a lot of extra room up in his brain to store things like how much Penny likes it when he licks the dented space behind her ear or when his thumb slides up under the edge of her shorts.
Yeah, having a genius wasn't so bad at all when he used those smarts for something like this.
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